Angel City Zen Center - Beginners Only Podcast

“You are the universe experiencing itself. And you have to respect that… The way that I am is exactly the way I should be. It's not just about stripping you of the stuff that's getting in your way, but also building you up.” - Sara Campbell   Sara raises some deep questions about femininity and masculinity in Zen while looking back on her own life of practice. Were our teachings and techniques really built for all who might attend? Is there a practice that can build us up as much as it breaks us down? Does a meditation of dropping off risk some voices disappearing entirely?? Find out here!

“Zen is not an established technique. It's sitting down and admitting that nobody can tell you what is right but you. No one knows the ground beneath your feet but you. Nobody can bear witness for you. And when something really shakes you, there can be a powerful moment where all of the sudden you just know one thing for certain. But it might be different than what you think.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave goes looking for confidence in a world of certain uncertainty with the story of the time Buddha touched grass and knew one thing for certain. What can we know for certain when the whole world seems to disagree with what we see? Is there a non hubristic confidence that can’t be shaken despite all the slings, arrows, and earthquakes that come our way? Is there a non-dogmatic certainty so strong it can shake the earth right back?? Find out here.

“If there is just one person in the world, he will always be neutral. If someone is very angry, but is the only person in the world, he's a little crazy.“ - Kobun Chino   Chris opens up the pandoras box of trying to productively deal with anger. We get angry, we vow not to indulge it, we know we can’t wish it away. Is it wisdom, skill, or spiritual bypassing to pretend not to be angry when we actually are? Can we be a jerk without being a jerk? And was driving ever a sane thing to do?? Find out here!

“The most destabilizing thing I know is trying to impose harmony on other people. Because it always finds a way to explode. Everything finds a way to come out.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave looks into harmony and discord, and whether trying to all just get along  means suppressing our unruly little individualities (as much of our teachings and training seem to suggest), weaving myths and legends from across continents and centuries along the way, and bonus! A fresh original translation of the Harmony of Difference and Equality. Is your success as dangerous to society as some might say? Is inconsistent practice a worthy practice of its own? Can we invite discord to the party without ruining the party? Find out here!

“Revenge fantasy #3: Live a satisfactory life. Rescue from the rubble what I still love about Buddhism…” - Samm   Samm brings us the unvarnished story of what she’s doing and why she’s here as a second generation Zennie growing up in Buddhist America; a story of snake oil salesmen, tyrants, a revenge best served warm, and a Buddhism that somehow survives despite everything us humans try to throw at it. Should we trust the spiritually special? Is it possible to disidentify from your own narrative? Is it ok to wear shorts in the zendo?? Let’s find out!

“If you don't want a boss, don't need a boss. If you don't like your country, be a better one.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave takes us out to the odd intersection where the warm fuzzies of scrappy boot strap community organizing meet the wild and wonderful mysticisms of space, time, and being. Can all that trippy transcendent brain candy of Zen philosophy help ground us in the things that matter most, or are they just one more pretension waiting to be let go? Is it possible to live an authentic meaningful life in the 21st century? is it possible to afford to? is it even possible not to?? Find out here!

“Let it run. Let your mind go. Let it wear itself out like a kid running around going crazy while their parents say, ‘They’ll sleep good tonight.’”- Patrick Carroll   Patrick draws on the full education of his bartending certificate and his sobriety chips to sort through our most intoxicating impulses with a deeply person talk on the 5th precept - no dealing in intoxicants. Can good Buddhists still enjoy a little beer? How can Zen help us control our addictive impulses? Is the desire for self control just one more addictive desire? And is that new fangled weed the kids are smoking getting them too damn high?? Find out here!

“I have no self. I'm fully responsible for everything. I can't control anything. Also I'll do better next time. Also we don't technically believe in time...” - Dave Cuomo   Do we need to change the world, or do we need to change ourselves? Dave tries to figure out if Buddhism is advocating for supreme personal responsibility, or ultimate social accountability. How do we take responsibility for a world, self, and circumstances we don’t have any real control over and technically are all emptiness anyway? Is anything ever anyone’s fault? Does the universe being all one bright pearl mean we can’t actually get mad at it? Find out here!!

“If you dislike a sound, listen to it again. If you still dislike it, listen to it again. If you dislike that, listen to it again. And if you like something, listen to it again. If you still like it, listen to it again…” - Robert Holliday    Robert demonstrates how creativity can lead to realization in an autobiography of deconstructing himself through sound and music, complete with all the bells and whistles (literally!) as he plays us a symphony of revealing irrationalities. Can we find spiritual security through sound? Is reveling in art just another attachment, or an opportunity for letting go? Are our favorite earworms a distraction or a revelation?? Find out here!

“Don't sell yourself short. It's been done by lesser people than you. It might've even been done by you when you weren't paying attention and didn't count it.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave takes a nitty gritty bare bones look at spiritual attainments in Buddhism while trying to find out where Zen gets it credibility from, whether we can trust them on that, and what we can aspire to ourselves. What are the stages of meditation that lead to awakening? What’s beyond them? Is the idea of dharma transmission just good PR? And if we do manage to drop off the cliffs of enlightenment, will anyone else be there to catch us?? Find out here!

“Just living my life has a very big effect on the planet, there's a cost to me living my life. And, I still belong here. I have just as much right to belong here as the crickets, and greedy politicians, or righteous beautiful people.” - Jitsujo Gauthier   Jitsujo helps us find a way through the stuckness of the internalized hierarchies that can both hold us back from actual freedom, and propel us forward into the little awakenings that we can only ever come to on our own. How do we inspire ourselves when our role models and ideals lose their luster? Why should we follow forms and rituals once we’ve seen through them? If we see a fork in the road, do we really have to take it?? Find out here!

“We're not here to be martyrs, we’re not here to take care of others at our own expense. The more I respect myself, the more I  can support and give to others.” - Sara Campbell   Sara tries to find out what it takes to find contentment in any weather. Do we owe it to the world to be pleasant people, and if not can our bs be at least entertaining? Are we obligated to not inflict our negativity on others? Which coast has the better weather for aimless wandering? Is it the heat or is it the humidity?? Find out here!

“Shitsticks become dirty to clean us. If these are not Buddhas, what is?“ - Shundo Aoyama   After a messy month of his own, Dave gives us a Zen (and personal) look at conflict in practice, how it happens, whether it’s a problem, and how to work with it in meditation and maybe even with other people. Can we meditate arguments away? Is there a healthy way to incorporate difficult relationships into our lives? For the sake of cleaning up all of our messes effortlessly, should ACZC invest in one of those fancy Japanese toilets?? Find out here!

“The dissidents, the ones who disagree, the most eccentric figures… in the world where Soto Zen teaching is alive, these figures become the leadership.” - Gyokei Yokoyama   Gyokei has an unfortunate incident at his temple and takes the opportunity to contemplate his life choices, question entanglements, questions the tradition, and give us a little deep dive into everyone’s favorite poet monk, Ryokan, the patron saint of going reverently rogue. Are all rogues and rebels doomed to being respected? Do our teachers need to find their own teachers? Is it possible to leave behind the worlds that let us down?? Find out here!

“Roshi said, go outside and look at the moon and I promise you, you will be enlightened.but I looked tonight and there was no moon.What’s so wrong with us the way we are, Roshi?an angry cloud wants to know” - Angry Cloud   Dave gives us a raw and honest report on his personal experience at the monastery over the Spring. Does Zen inherently breed cruelty and can we find a healthy place for the sociopaths in our lives? Does imagination and creativity have a place in a tradition of, well, strict tradition? Is having faith in your religion ultimately a help or a hindrance?? Find out here!

“If we want to be true to the tradition of Zen, what were the ancients doing? They were throwing away tradition and recreating it for their time and place. And it worked gangbusters.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave returns home from his final round of monastery training with a few thoughts on this whole Zen thing (and a two parter of a talk). This week! The historical context of monks and how and why we train them (next week - personal stories…). Is what we call classical Zen practice actually just obedience training for unruly adolescents? Have we misunderstood Zen and Buddhism entirely? How did monasticism go from being a loose group of sincere seekers to a position of institutional prestige? Did the policies meant to cynically destroy Zen ironically save it? Or did they work and now we’re just sitting in the corpse of wisdom? Find out here!

"There's an very easy way to become a Buddha. Stop doing things wrong.” - Dogen   Muhō, Former longtime abbot of Antaiji Monastery (home temple of Kodo Sawaki), treats us to a talk about best practices for farming students and the self, and why zazen alone might not be the answer to Zen. Do each of us really create the whole universe, and if so, how is our practice not about ourselves? Is just sitting enough? Can we teach a cucumber to grow itself? Why can’t pumpkins just get along?? Find out here! (Recorded live at Toshoji Monastery)

“One of the hardest things about being human is that you have to be with other human beings.” - Emily Eslami   In a particularly divided year, in a particularly divisive culture, Emily tackles the uncomfortableness of living with other human beings, and how to manage argument and conflict as a practice all their own. When should we speak up and when should we just listen? Is hell other people, or is being truly alone? Has anyone ever convinced anyone of anything? Find out here!

“Illness vanishes. Stress vanishes. Depression vanishes. So where do they go? Don't worry. If you want, you can pull them back at any moment.“ - Gary Shinshin Wick   Corey gets a bad diagnosis and gets inspired to give us some Zen teachings on sickness - how to deal with it, how to view it, and how to work with it as practice. Can we meditate the pain away? Do we take care of the sick, or do the sick take care of us? Does it only get worse? Find out here!

“It freaks me out to even think about ordaining someone whose goodness hasn't been shattered.” - Gyokei Yokoyama   First, we learn to be good. Then we have that goodness shattered. And then, when we stop trying to do anything, the true goodness can shine through. Dave walks us through Baizhang’s three teachings to try to find out if we are inherently good or bad by nature and whether thinking like that does us any good. Did we really learn everything we need to know in kindergarten or have we just forgotten how cruel kids can be? Are dogs ever to blame (absolutely not)? Are cats (ok, maybe)? Has scolding someone every helped anyone?? Find out here!

“Be nice to yourself, include yourself in that ancient twisted karma, allow for the inevitability of people just being people and how irritating that is, but then also how beautiful it is too.“ - Jordan Mylet   Jordan takes us on a guided tour of our ancient twisted karma - what it is, where it comes from, and what the hell we’re supposed to do with it. Are we better people when we’re not being good? Can we blame our parents for being our parents? Can we blame ourselves for being ourselves? Do we need more therapy or do we need more Zen? Find out here!

“Westerners like to conquer mountains. Easterners like to contemplate them. As for me, I like to taste them” - Santoka Taneda   Henry brings us a highly entertaining poetry hour as we follow the the lives and words of two Buddhist poets; Miyazawa Kenji trying to help the masses one annoyed farmer at a time, and Santoka Kenji picking himself up from a life of tragedy to drink himself into a sutra steeped stupor. What does it take to live a free life, an honest life, and/or a helpful life? Does the world want to be changed or be accepted as it is? Is just being your self ultimately being selfish? Find out here!

“We are the lonely all together. All together, we’re all alone.” - John Prine   Dave indulges us in a little story time while also indulging in some explananing of how koans work with a classic tale of dharma drama, jealous rivalries, and onomatopoetic poetry. What should we ask in practice discussion when we don’t know what to say? Can we find a safe place for our passions instead of practicing them away? Does every living creature really die alone, and wait… isn’t that something we all share?? Find out here!

“I've seen too much, man. I know what's out there. And it's not all bad. And it's also not all good.” - Sara Campbell   Sara revels in the nightmare of a beautiful spring evening, the fragility of the daffodils, the darkness of the rain, and the five powers that can turn that nightmare into a perfectly present dream. How do we remember to notice the cool breeze of a deep blue twilight when all we feel is dark? Can we include fear and pessimism in our all inclusiveness, or are they the absence of all inclusiveness? And will anyone remember to bring light and laughter to the bodhisattva of light and laughter? Find out here!

“When the problem is a part of you, there is no problem, because you are the problem itself.” - Shunryu Suzuki   Emily brings us a meditation on problems, problem solving, and all the machinations, rationalizations, and somersaults we do to try to prove that our problems are somewhere outside of ourselves, and then what happens when we start to point that finger right back where it came from. When is the problem actually other people? Have we earned that sense of superiority we get from meditating while our partners are sleeping in? Are our thoughts pulling us away from ourselves, and is that even possible?? Find out here!

“It’s not an attainment, it’s a lament.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave tries to figure out his purpose and articulate what meaning in Zen is while trying to give a talk in a park with threatening geese and impending rain on a retreat not going entirely to plan. What are the stages of meaning making and how do we rate? Is Dave’s level as off the charts as he claims? And what are the secret criteria for trustworthy lay leaders and Zen teachers?? Find out here!

“The biggest change for me is to stop feeling like I should have it all figured out. And stop believing that anyone else does; and finding it a deep red flag if they claim to.” - Sara Campbell   Sara marks her five year anniversary with ACZC by taking stock and admitting how maybe all this goalless practice has changed her for the better, while the sangha takes the opportunity to get personal and share what’s working, what’s not, and how those kind of assessments may or may not be working out for them. Will we ever be able to untangle the big ball of yarn that is ourselves? Will the sangha exhaust the limits of that metaphor? (absolutely... knot!) Find out here!

“If somebody is an a-hole, they must be going through something tough. And they’re making it as bad or worse for themselves as they are for anyone they're hurting. So they deserve just as much care as anybody else suffering from the what they're dealing out. That's a hard truth I want to wrestle with. Because I believe it, but I'm not always instinctively there yet.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave takes us on a historical, literary,  and autobiographical tour of the Heart Sutra to see what exactly it has to say that’s so important we’ve been belting it out every morning for a couple thousand years. Is there a practical meaning behind the nonsense of it all? How do we wish love to the dead in a way that enlivens everyone? Are we ultimately existentially alone? Is emptiness a yawning chasm of despair or the gate of liberation standing wide open and just waiting for us to walk through? Find out here!

“The winning ticket, the unfortunate truth, is that you have to take a good look at your bullsh*t before you can get to the good stuff.” - Tanya Orlov   Tanya brings us some wise warnings about our purported wisdoms with an in depth look at spiritual bypassing; what it is, how to know when we’re doing it, and how it might be holding us back from the real peace we’re trying to claim. Is our practice making us the cool, calm, collected people we always whished to be, or is that just another delusion we’re clinging to? What kind of grit does it take to get to the good sit? And how do we (or should we...) tell our noisy neighbors they’re being too loud? Find out here!

“There's no reason sound can't be appreciated wherever you're at. It's always there. We think something has to be dramatic or highly structured, but there's always structures to find in our minds. We have that freedom in our own being to be able to see with what's there, with what's here, with what's happening.” - Robert Holliday   Robert explores the intersection of experimental music and zazen from Buddha to John Cage, in a fascinating real time experiment in music, mind, and sound. What’s the difference between music and being, composition and compassion? Where is the mind? What is the mind? What masterpieces have been waiting right here and now for us to find? Find out here!

“Can we keep the goofy light heartedness of being rebel antagonists, along side the sincerity of really caring? Can we care and be funny at the same time? And you know what I've seen us do? Exactly that. And that delights me. Thank you everybody.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave gives us his “See Y’all Soon” address before hungry ghosting us for the Spring with a look at some favorite poetry about learning to see the nuances and subtleties and what it means to be self fulfilled. Are we enough for ourselves? Can we light up the world without ever shining? Are American Buddhists too conflict averse? Or is Zen too amoral and heavily meditated to concern itself? Find out here!

“First, there's ‘the thing that I want to do.’ They strip that away completely. Then when we’re hollow and empty they come back and ask, ‘So now, what do you really, really want?’” - Gyokei Yokoyama   Gyokei pulls back the curtain on the rituals and forms of Zen, the true koan of the Soto School, to find out if there's any meaning in the method or maybe even some practical value to our venerations. Who are we doing these rituals for anyway? Why don’t they want us to be good at our jobs? How do we move like a hummingbird and when should we move like a rhino? Find out here!!

“In order to learn something new,  first you have to be confused about it. If you aren't confused about it, you already know what it is and then you're not learning anything.” - Jitsujo Gauthier   Great sangha friend Jitusjo brings us hard won personal tips and tricks for navigating the confusion and fear of the inner world, and the discomfort we might find when we honestly shine the light inward. How can we read a room by listening to ourselves? Are we lonely, or is that just what the loneliness wants us to think? How do we let down our guard and be vulnerable when there are real things out there to guard against?? Find out here!

“Whatever goals you accomplish, you're still the same. There's still that same emptiness - there's still something missing. There's always going to be something missing. And that's okay.” - Pedro Peres   Long time sangha friend Pedro Peres regales us with the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here - from early forays into beating koans at their own game, to communities built around the beauty of emptiness, and chasing that certain something missing that just might be the real liberation we were looking for all along. Why do we avoid the cushion when we know damn well how well it works? Are we better off without an answer to life, the universe, and everything? Do we need more zazen or do we need more sleep?? Find out here!!

“Think for yourselves. Be unruly. Challenge what we tell you, Challenge what I think I know about how this place should work. That’s what all the old teachings tell us to do - even if it is kind of inconvenient to have a room full of people thinking for themselves when you’re trying to run a Zen Center.” - Dave Cuomo   In the final installment of his paramita series, Dave unravels the subtle mysteries of prajna, aka perfect wisdom, aka the great unknowable truth that’s supposedly the only truth you need to know. What is the ultimate truth in Zen, can we get access to it, and will it help us if we do?? Find out here!!

“You can't sit motionless for 30 minutes without learning something,  and when that happens day after day, we learn and we learn. Like it or not, we learn.” - Heather Ross   Heather opens up the Pandora’s Box of zazen and takes a hard and healing look at the hidden aspects of ourselves that inevitably unhide themselves through regular sitting. How do we cope when we start to see through our own coping mechanisms? What do we do in the messy middle when we start seeing our mistakes all too clearly, but before we’ve learned how not to make them? How are we supposed take personal responsibility for the faults of others without making it all about us??

“Liberation means being liberated from the inclination to ignore our flaws - to dismiss them, hide them, divert or disguise them.“ - Gyokei Yokoyama   Gyokei unravels the deeper meaning of Dharma Combat on the eve of ACZC’s first ever attempt at such a ceremony.  What qualifies someone to be a Zen teacher? Is a vow to liberate all beings actually good for us? Is it as arrogant as it sounds?? And at what point does healthy humility turn into les healthy self depreciation?? Find out here!

“There's a freedom, a pit, a dropping off into something you don't know and don't necessarily trust… It takes a strange kind of trust to let go of everything you’ve known as you.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave celebrates the year of the wood dragon with evocative writings on dragons, frogs, and earthworms singing through the hollow trees of you and me. What can we hold onto when everything falls away? What’s the voice that speaks through you when you find nothing to say? Who’s the little person deep inside stoking the flames of our anxiety, and can we talk them into taking a well earned break? Can we find a word in English that means grief and liberation at the same time?? Let’s find out.

“There's some discomfort there, and there's some comfort there. And when you let that go… it's quite a revolution.” - Gyokei Yokoyama   Gyokei gives us fully fleshed out, bare bones official Soto Zen explanations and instructions for zazen -  body, breath, and mind. How does it work? How much should it hurt? Are Westerners doing it right? Is Japan doing it right?? Is Gyokei doing it enough? And did the monastery permanently screw up his zazen?? Find out here!

“Probably the best we can train for is to get a seat at the table where our decisions are made; which is not where we're usually hanging out. Usually we’re hanging out after the fact writing propaganda to justify what we just did.” - Dave Cuomo In the penultimate episode to our paramita series, Dave takes on the big one for Zen - meditation (aka Zen). We all know it’s what we do, but maybe it’s time to peel back the curtain on all Zen’s cagey double speak and reveal the method behind the madness. How did we arrive at the somewhat sly ironic style that we (don’t so much) teach here? What was it traditionally supposed to accomplish, how was it supposed to work, and are we still accomplishing that here? Can we really learn contentment and does that actually lead to wisdom? Will we get the five magical powers and will we want them if we do?? Find out here!

“There ain't no answer. There ain't going to be any answer. There never has been an answer. That's the answer” - Gertrude Stein   Patrick brings us the timeless tale of a Catholic kid trading his faith for the freedom of not quite knowing what the h*ll he’s doing. Along the way we get 30 years worth of ironic wisdom bombs, gleaned from a myriad of likable and unlikely teachers met across decades of practice. Can we lose our religion while still keeping the faith? How do we live up to being our own teacher, while not turning Zen into a self stunted choose your own adventure? After all these years of not living up to our name, has our So Cal Zen center finally given us a perfectly poetic surfing/zazen analogy? Find out here!!

“It includes everything, no matter what. Even being depressed is part of it. That's why I don’t backslide like I used to anymore; because even if I do, I now know for certain that has weight and that's important too.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave takes an honest look at energy, the much lauded and lamented fourth paramita, along with all the reasons such things might often feel out of reach. Is Buddhism trying to flatten us out or is there room for passion in our practice? How are we expected to lift ourselves up when all we feel is down? Do we need to have purpose to practice, and if so, where in all that goaless emptiness have they been hiding it?? Find out here!!

“It’s less, yes it must be this way, and more, let's go this way together.” - Sara Campbell   Sara reflects on the holidays and turns the page on a new year with a simple but endless question, how do we live when we know we’re going to die? Also, what to do when you suddenly realize you’ve gone from wacky aunt to wacky family matriarch without even having applied for the promotion. Are hidden dark forces out there controlling the world, and if so, what are they to us? Is Buddhism a nihilistic philosophy? Is Sara a closet nihilist?? Find out here!

“All the philosophies I grew up on were always trying to take me toward the light - be a good person, know what's going on, know how to handle things… It was always about happiness and positivity. Thats what led me here. That was the problem.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave rings in the New Year with an unflinching dive into darkness - what it means in Zen, why it’s nothing to be scared of, and why the light isn’t always as illuminating as we’ve been led to believe; including a bonus cameo from everyone’s favorite angry farmer poet, Wendell Berry, plus a fresh original translation of the Zazenshin (the point of zazen). Are we content with half truths or are we ready for the dark ones? Have we been lied to about the Point of Zazen? Can we procrastinate our way into productivity?? Find out here!

“Maybe we don’t need take everything as gospel, or maybe taking things as gospel doesn’t always mean what we want it to mean” - Dave Cuomo   Dave brings us a special podcast exclusive Holiday Story Time, with a dramatic reading of a somewhat bananas Buddhist folktale about a young king and his flying elephant trying to get good at giving. It’s a story for the season about the spirit of generosity and the awkward joys of family. Can we be too supportive of our kids? Is there such a thing as being too generous? Should we trust our parents? And speaking of which, how much should we trust Buddhism?? Find out here!

“A person with cloudy eyes is a person of fundamental enlightenment, a person of subtle enlightenment.” - Dogen   Jason dives into Dogen’s treatise on the flowery delights of delusion - ‘Space Flowers,’ while discussing the inspiration behind his recent benefit print for ACZC. Along the way we get a bonus peek behind the creative curtain and a constellation of poetic ponderings on the nature of what we see and whether or not we can accurately call that reality. Can we stop seeing delusions? Should we? And if not, what should we do with them? And will we ever wise up enough to be satisfied with unsatisfying Zen answers? Find out here!

“If you’re not at least a little uncomfortable, you probably haven’t found whatever it is you really need to make peace with yet.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave dives back into the paramitas to learn about patience and finds out that Buddha apparently agrees with Sartre, hell is other people. Along the way we get some personal stories about the time Dave funded his monastic career by accidentally beating capitalism at its own game and learned to like other people by losing faith in himself. Should we blame society for the world’s ills, or ourselves? How are we supposed to accept circumstances that are unacceptable? Is the rational math of economics really just an exercise in wishful thinking?? Find out here!

“The spring has no particular shape, and yet spring manifests naturally. Or like the moon, it just emerges, versatile and free.   When something happens, nobody can really say who did it. That's why we get frustrated.  Nobody can know how it happened because everybody contributed.” - Gyokei Yokoyama   In our final retreat wrap up, Gyokei gives us an on the spot translation of a Komazawa University hot take on Ungan and Dogo’s famous exchange about how exactly the Great Compassionate Mind might be working, along with juicy stories and hard won wisdoms Gyokei’s picked up along the way. Can we avoid being compassionate even if we wanted to? Are we always doing what we want whether we want to or not? Who do Buddhists pray to, and is it working? And why do some people turn out better or worse than others, and could Soto Shu use a little more education in that department?? Find out here!

"The more you start to learn about what you are, which is absolutely completely interdependent and just a fractal of what everyone else is,  the more it starts to break down. I can't hate myself. It just doesn't make sense.” - Sara Campbell   Following up on our retreat theme of compassion and the five skandas, Sara gives us a raw and revealing look at self compassion. Plus, she gives us the naked truth of what it was like to be Zen Center caretaker over the summer. What techniques and theories does Zen offer for cultivating self compassion and is there more to zen than zazen? Where does love and appreciation go when it can’t find its way back home? And how do we find time for self care when the problem is we’re stretched too thin in the first place?? Find out here!

“We don't downplay it. We don't sit here and say, ‘what I'm feeling isn't real and doesn't matter.’ It's this weird technique where it's like, no, no, go all in on it and take it very, very seriously with an enormous grain of salt.” - Dave Cuomo     Dave gives a pep talk for the deep practice of retreat (and in general) while introducing our theme for the season - the Compassion Monster, aka a Carnage of Compassion, aka the truth that everything you do, in all of your inglorious incarnations, has great value for everyone whether you believe it or not. It’s a mashup of pie in the sky mystery along with brass tacks basic technique for how we might start to notice that undeniably. Can we be any better for the world if we tried? Can we grow up AND stay weird? How should we respond to the things that go bump in the night? Find out here!

“If Zen's teaching me that I have inherent value just for existing, part of that whole deal is that I'm going to be doing mantras or some other wacky sh*t that I come across in six months. And I'm okay with that.” - Sara Campbell   After finding benefits in affirmative mantra practices, Sara looks back on Zen emptiness teachings to find out if there really is a contradiction between self empowerment and the enlightenment of letting go of that self entirely. What’s the difference between dropping off the self and willfully keeping it down? Is aimlessness an aspiration? Are you a bad MF and does god love you?? Find out here!

“You see the problems with the system, problems with teachers, and problems with yourself and realize, none of us can quite live up to what we're teaching here. But if I want do something actually good in the world, I can't think of anything more beneficial than providing a quiet empty room where everyone can do whatever they need to do to find some peace.“ - Dave Cuomo   Dave looks at morality in part two of his series on the paramitas, and tries to figure out what makes a good person and if that’s actually something worth aspiring to, while indulging in a little salacious storytelling of monks behaving badly along the way. How can we be good if there’s no such thing as good and evil? Is Zen amoral? Can a hypocritical, highly flawed, and all too human tradition somehow still be a font of perfect virtue? Find out here!

“Zen isn't there to sugarcoat things and cuddle you. We're not talking about being mean, we're talking about, how do we slap someone's face in the most compassionate way? (…metaphorically of course)” - Gyokei Yokoyama   Gyokei talks us through the spirit (and specifics) of… ‘Dhaaarmaaa Commbaaat!’ from the lion’s roar, to the three foot long venomous viper of truth, to how to wield the swift and silent sword of compassion ourselves. Can we learn to intuitively be what the moment needs without having to satisfy our own emotional appetites? Is compassion always kind? Is it ok to feel good when we sit?? And wait, why does Zen always get up so early and is that a hard and fast rule??? Find out here!

“The benefit of you existing is you get to figure out what that means for yourself. And then you can come back and teach the rest of us about that. That is a generosity.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave gifts us with a deep dive into generosity in the first on a new series on the paramitas, aka the six perfections, aka the six things that all good Buddhas have gotten really really good at to get them where they are. What is the spirit of giving in Buddhism? How can we do our part to keep the great river of resources flowing for everyone? And how do we handle greed and jerkiness in others without turning into the sort of person we were all up in arms about in the first place? Find out here!

“Joy is not a failing. It’s not irresponsible. It’s not deluded. True joy is the birthright of every being. It's a normal thing.” - Curtis Fabens   Founding ACZC resident Curtis gives us an impassioned exhortation to the recipe for a life well lived - clarity, purpose, & joy. Is clarity really the path of least resistance and if so, why is it so often hard to see? Is it possible to not have purpose? Is there a fool proof trick to always hitting the payout on the slot machine of joy in every moment?? https://www.gofundme.com/f/young-cancer-warrior-loses-dad

“You burn the whole forest once. And what comes back is the same forest - the same aspiration, the same desires, the same dreams… But there's this indescribable difference. And that's what makes all the difference.” - Gyokei Yokoyama   Gyokei discusses alignment, blockages, and the prickliness that comes from trying to put our own ideals on a world that might already have a few ideas of its own. Can we unblock ourselves from the limits of our own best intentions? Can we find a well adjusted place for our rebellious and independent spirits in the greater whole? Is it our job to go out there and spread the dharma or can we really just sit back and let the dharma come to us?? Find out here!!

“We don't need you to regurgitate our answers. We need you to go figure out who the hell you are. That's your contribution.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave shares a favorite legend about a cocky young monk crossing a river and a moment of self confidence so powerful we’re still talking about it a thousand years later. In a practice that glorifies not knowing, how do we know when we know something for certain? What is self confidence in a tradition so obsessed with no-self? Can we look up to our teachers without getting let down, or is the goal of self actualization to not need other people at all? Find out here!

“She asked, ‘How are you?’ And I said, ‘…good.’ But it was like nothing, like plain rice, like oatmeal without sugar and you forgot to even put the dash of salt - like original flavor.” - Jitsujo Gauthier   Jitsujo, University of the West Buddhist Chaplaincy department Chair, resident priest and preceptor at Zen Center of Los Angeles, and long time friend of the sangha, generously joins us for a raw and revealing talk about rage, compassion, wisdom, the limitations of each of those grand notions, and finding the balance in the baseline that underlines it all. What causes good teachers to go bad? What do we do with our rage and where does it go when it goes away? How do we ask for help from heavenly beings when we’re not fully sold on believing in them in the first place? Find out here!

“I never feel freer then when I realize I'm the schmuck I've been trying not to be this whole time. If I'm the asshole, I can't judge anybody else. And then I'm free of all of us.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave returns with another practical probe into Buddhist basics - this week, the Five Skandhas, aka Buddha’s classic formulation of what makes us us and reality (seem) real that might even offer us a little bit of free will and agency in said reality (free will not guaranteed). Is holding onto blame ever an accurate and/or helpful view? Do our Zen teachers need therapy and/or do our therapists need a little zazen? Are leaf blowers part of the problem or as they the whole solution?? Find out here!

“Zazen is always kind of great, even when it's awful. When I don't understand what I'm doing, I can always sit Zazen.” - Ish Lipman   Long time sangha friend Ish brings us the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here while we just maybe learn something about those things for ourselves. From atheist upbringings as a skater kid in the city to becoming an artist and embracing the meaningful meaninglessness of Zen, Ish relatably reminds us how to keep faith in not being sure what’s left to believe in. Is feeling inspired a help or a hindrance for creativity? Can we be ok with not understanding without just giving up? Is ‘being present’ just one more spiritual ideal to shoot for or is there something here we can rely on even in the face of the most certain uncertainties?? Find out here!

“What was really liberating for me was finding out who I am when leaving or getting kicked out aren’t an option for anyone. When not I’m worried about my own survival or earning my place in the community, when you can't fire or cancel people or really even get away from them…. It was like, oh hey, we're actually family now.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave gets down to brass tacks basics with a deep dive into the Triple Treasures, aka the Three Returns, aka Buddha, Dharma, and Sangha. Can we get meaning out of a religion that isn’t willing to give us anything to believe in? How much is too much practice for lay practitioners, and how little is too little? How do we handle troubling truths, tricky teachings, and problematic people in the sangha? Can we ever actually be alone, and can we ever truly meet anyone else?? Find out here!

“Really question what you perceive or know and don’t draw many conclusions from it. Also don't think you know nothing. You do know something, and if you abandon what you know to be true you've missed it altogether.” - Sara Campbell   Sara sends us a dispatch from her post Zen Center exploits and dabbles in some serious storytelling with The Original Adventures of Herman the Worm Boy (as delightful as they sound) and the never ending quest for the One Mind with our old friend Huangbo. How do we take our practice out of the Zen Center and into to the real world? And what is this “real” world anyway? Is there such a thing as honest storytelling? And how DO we explain our Zen hobby to our friends and family if they ask?? Find out here!

“If you don't have the perception of a self, you’re probably not going to get angry. But… we can discuss whether maybe sometimes it's okay to get angry if someone chops off your arms and legs…” - Jason Dodge   In a flash, Subhuti understands everything, and in a flash Buddha pulls the rug out from him (and us!) and frees him from his own enlightenment. Join us as Jason bravely (and expertly) takes us into an epic chapter of the Diamond Sutra where we learn what exactly holds us back, how to free ourselves from it, and how get over ourselves once we manage that. Plus! The Buddha regales us with tales of his past lives cavorting with concubines and tangling with kings and his own pesky feelings. Is it possible to free ourselves of our own perceptions? Is it advisable? Is anger a choice? And is it sometimes a necessary one? What is the prescribed antidote to the three poisons and where can we get ourselves some? Find out here!

“Learning to love the a-hole is the way you fix the problem, not getting rid of the a-hole.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave takes a practical look at desire and how to work with it in real world terms, while also trying to figure out why people started treating monks as ceremonial objects, whether or not they warranted it, and why group chanting is such great fun. Can you trust someone who doesn’t want anything from you? What do we do when the biggest enemy we face is ourselves? What is the fool proof way to get what we want 100% of the time? Find out here!

“If we do not have stress, we will not be healthy enough to survive. We have to be in this. We have to be with our enemies. Even enemies make us healthy.” - Shumyo Kojima   Special guest Reverend Shumyo Kojima, Abbot of Zenshuji Temple (North America’s oldest Zen temple (100 years and counting!)) joins us for a talk about learning to love your stress and enjoy your enemies, with colorful stories (metaphors maybe?) of catfish, eels, outhouses, and bringing the stinky and sacred together in the singularity of a bow. Is stress really the key to health and happiness? Is being weak actually a benefit to all beings? Are good and bad any more real than Santa Claus? Is there a purpose to purpose?? Find out here!

“Conditions can be perfectly aligned for you to do the right thing, but you have to meet that with a strength of will that comes from failing over, and over, and over again. And that's not easy.” - Henry Zander   Tasked with helming ACZC for the summer practice period, Henry boards a train and heads west for his date with destiny. Does Zen center life actually bestow us with its promised perfections? Is it possible to waste time when time is already everything? How can we uphold the great wisdom of this tradition when we’re not so sure we measure up to such a thing? Find out here!

“The world of Zen is so full of sh*t, something beautiful is bound to bloom.” - Anonymous   Our long wandering resident priest returns from his stint in Japan with tales of monkly mayhem in the monastery. Did they really beat the self out of him, or just grind it deeper? Is traditional monastic training a test of enlightenment or merely endurance? Is there a method to this madness or has it all just been one continuous mistake lost in translation?? Find out here.

“I’ve definitely angrily swept the floor, definitely not been stoked. But I think the constraints are good for you, like in the way that creative constraints can be really helpful. On some level its a privilege and an honor to have a community relying on you. And on some level its like goddamn it, they’ve got me.” - Sara Campbell   Sara bids farewell to her tenure as an ACZC resident and seasonal caretaker some reflections on her years as a live-in zennie and a reading from Norman Fischer on the stages of monastic life. Was it all worth it? Is residential practice the one way ticket to enlightenment? Or a convenient way to burst your bubble on all such notions? Can we have spring flowers without the cold dead winter? Find out here.

“Capitalism does suck, but you shouldn’t let that make you a bad worker” - Helena Harvilicz   Helena tells stories of Zen, parenting, multitasking, and a history of being half assed at work until a job came along where failure was no longer an option. Along the way we get choice selections from Dogen about the Three Minds of a good cook. Does our work need purpose to be worthwhile? And what is that supposed to look like? Did these celibate monks have any wisdom for the busy parents among us? Find out here!

“Never think you’re better than the show. It’s not pleasant to work with, and it doesn’t make the work any easier.” - Emily Eslami   Emily gets brass tacks practical with a walk through Dogen’s best advice for all the working stiffs out there on not only how to get through your work day, but maybe even finding the joyful, nurturing, magnanimous mind of everything by building temples from ordinary greens and working like your head is on fire. Why are bad days and bad bosses the best opportunity to end all suffering everywhere? Is it true that the only way to follow the Way is to stop getting our way? What are Dogen’s favorite ways to prepare mushrooms?? Find out here!!

“I came to this because I'm a disillusioned person, and they said that's okay. That's the point. But now they’re saying that there is something that doesn’t die, something that stays. And they’re teaching it through their own skepticism and doubt. And that is something I trust.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave dives back in to Dogen’s enigmatic Mountains and Rivers Sutra while looking at what  America might be looking for in a rational religion, and whether or not Zen could fit the bill. What is the half of the dharma that stays even when everything ends? Is it possible to appreciate what actually makes us awesome? Is it rational to think that the world is ultimately rational?? Find out here!

“When I found out that we're in the degenerate dharma ending age where nobody can get enlightened, I thought, ‘That sucks. Why am I even doing this then?’ And then I decided that's a great place to practice. If we don’t have to worry about getting anywhere with it, we can just sit.” - Jason Dodge   Jason skillfully navigates us through the perfect paradoxes of the Diamond Sutra, and we all get a little nerdy on some fascinating (if a little odd) Buddhist Cosmology. What exactly are the 32 marks of a buddha, the three bodies of a Buddha, and the six perfections. Why does none of it matter to our practice and why is it helpful to hear anyway? And are we truly living in the degenerate age, and if so why is that the best time to practice?? Find out here!

“It's brave of them to let people just step in and screw up. But it's not about how well you do, or whether you want to do it - we have a task and each person embodies it. If we’re getting anything here, it’s that authenticity.” - Gyokei Yokoyama   They say you don’t choose your family, and in Zen we don’t pick our sanghas. Gyokei discusses what it means to practice with a sangha, why it can be the trickiest and most rewarding of the big three jewels (Buddha, Dharma, & Sangha), and the kind of authentic bonding that only happens when we don’t get to choose who we sit next to in the zendo. In a culture of transactional communities, what are we getting out of this one? How can we tell the difference between being taken advantage of in a community, versus doing our part to a greater whole? And how do we run a successful operation when the operating plan is to let people screw it up? Find out here.

“If you watch a movie where somebody's having a bad day, you laugh along and empathize and think ‘Well that's a good movie about a guy having a bad day.’ And that's what zazen is, just watching a guy maybe having a bad day. And then I empathize with that guy. And you know what? I usually have a better day after that.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave delves into Keizan’s Three Levels of Zazen and tries to figure out whether the “witness mind” is an accurate description of the mind of zazen, and if not, what is? What’s the difference between ordinary and superior meditation? Do we have a choice in which one we sit and would it matter if we did? And how are  we supposed to entertain ourselves in zazen when the things we’ve been wrestling with up and fly away one day? Find out here

“The cornerstone of non dualism is that you can’t even hold onto non dualism - that non dualism is itself dualistic.” - Emily Eslami   Emily unpacks the perfection of paradox that is Non Dualism, Zen’s crowning ideal that it will never live up to no matter how hard it tries. How is it possible to stop our mind if it’s impossible to stop our mind? Is it true that everything we do is ultimately zazen, and if so why do we still have to sit? Does the sangha actually have hot non dual tips for us on mastering dinner party small talk and landing a relationship?? Find out here!

“Plants are actually great meditation teachers. They really know how to stay put even in the face of danger.” - Helena Harvilicz   Crowd favorite Helena returns with all the dharma she dug up in her time as ACZC’s gardener, along with some words of wisdom from Dogen’s “Insentient Preach the Dharma. Are our plants and inanimate objects really whispering sweet truths to us like they did to Buddha under that tree? Is this a classic tale of setbacks in practice that lead to enlightening revelation? Or is it the story of a feeble-minded woman facing the horrors of old age and death who gets tricked into paying to do yard work by a somewhat boring cult (her words not ours…)?? Find out here!

“To really do this practice is to let go of the wheel and assume someone's driving. And that's gonna be terrifying every time.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave celebrates the lazy days summer by trying to cure a decade long writer’s block with the help of The Artist’s Way and some sassy ancient commentary on the Xinxinming that sounds uncannily like our own inner critics. What is Dave’s one trick to always be good at zazen? Why is Zen always telling itself it’s doing it wrong? And when we listen to those inner critics, do we get fueled by the friction or just tired and uninspired?? Find out here!

“It’s not your zazen, it’s just zazen. And it’s going all the time.” - Jason Dodge   Jason unpacks the meaning behind the Buddha’s beguiling nickname while reminding himself exactly why he does want to sit zazen during a hard month when the last thing he wants to do is sit down and do his zazen. Why did Buddha promise we all get to share his accomplishment while also promising it was something we could never know? What did he mean he’s the one who comes and goes, and why does our desire to sit come and go so easily when we need it most? Where is this zazen train even going and could we get off that train even if we wanted to?? Find out here!

“There’s a feeling of, if I was stressed out, then it must have been really good. Or people say, ‘I would meditate but I don’t want to lose my edge.’ But what heights could they attain without the misery and suffering?” - Emily Eslami   Emily throws us a bonfire of the attachments with a pointed talk on single minded effort. With readings from Shunryu Suzuki’s Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind we take a good hard look at all the sticky sweet talking memories and ideas that keep us from fully doing the things we do. Is there a healthy place for praise and blame in our endeavors? Are we entitled to the fruits of our own actions? Is Emily’s casserole just too mouth wateringly delicious to burn up in the flames of enlightenment?? Find out here!!

“When I look people in the eye lately they seem a little savvier, a little more self aware, and a good bit more confused. And I trust that.” - Dave Cuomo   As a retreat goes off the rails, Dave and the sangha try to find their faith in a practice built on the promise that everything is ultimately fleeting, empty, and full of suffering. Plus! A dramatic reading of Red Pine’s lithe (and downright Seussian) rendition of the Faith in Mind inscription. Can we rely on a tradition built on the premise that nothing is reliable? When we face the wall in zazen, can we trust that the zendo has our backs? Who do we trust more, the heart or the mind and is there actually a difference?? Find out here!!

“A Zen teacher once told me, ‘I’ve been watching you and you're a good sitter.’ And I think that's what they tell the people that are kind of stupid and really don't get it.“ - Helena Harvilicz   Long time friend of the sangha, Helena Harvilicz gives us a raw, funny, and heartening story of sarcasm and weltschmerz and wanting to make the world a better place with no idea how. Why do moms make such bad nihilists? Is it ok to laugh in the zendo when the voices in our heads are being particularly hilarious? What’s the difference between depression and deciding the world really might be a little disappointing? And can figuring that out help make us a better part of it??  Find out here!

“I kept asking the same questions, what is this about? Where's the teaching? And then they teach us, if you can't see everything there is, then that's your problem.” - Gyokei Yokoyama    Change is afoot in the Zen world as many sanghas undergo a generational  turnover in leadership and Gyokei has a sweet story to meet the moment of two monks trying to figure out who’s supposed to be steering the ship, and where it’s supposed to be headed. Is looking for meaning in our practice a hindrance, or unavoidable? Is Eastern Buddhism too attached to rigid hierarchies? Is the West too attached to avoiding them?? Find out here!

“The fact that the word ‘emptiness’ is still upsetting people 2,500 years later tells me, that must be an important lesson. Clearly it’s something we needed to hear.” - Dave Cuomo     Dave takes us on a walking tour of space with a slightly nerdy dive into the history of emptiness in Buddhism; what it meant when Buddha first said it, how that changed over time, what it means for us now, and how it can be a superpower for any tradition (or person) that knows how to walk it’s death defying tight rope by simply not seeing it as there in the first place. Did Buddha really mean to say everything is empty? And is that something we’re actually supposed to believe in literally? What is Dave’s secret recipe for the beer float that can liberate all beings?? Find out here.

“What brought me to meditation was a desire to essentially eradicate my own neurosis. But the instruction to focus on not just what's happening inside allowed me to realize I was a part of an ecosystem, like a drop in the sea and less like the whole ocean.” - Tanya Orlov   Tanya generously shares her personal practice story of riding the hamster wheel of personal development through anxiety and neuroses, the practices that work to fight it, and the existential ease of dipping your toes in the ocean of everything that is happy to hold your best and worst moments. Is it possible to fight the fire of anxiety with the fire of focus? Why should we stick around if these Zen talks aren’t making any sense? Is there any freedom to be found in the rigidity of the forms?? Find out here!

“I feel very confident… confident that I don't know what the f*** I'm doing.” - Sara Campbell   Sara takes us on a personal tour of ambition and emptiness, with a first hand account of how teachings on groundlessness do and do not prepare us for a world of gig economies, uncertain employments, and potentially dubious digital windfalls. What good is being grounded? What does it mean to be present for reality in an increasingly virtual world? And when we find ourselves in free fall, is it possible to land in the sky? Find out here!

“The hardest thing for me to do is to peacefully watch somebody else screw up their life. But I'm told that's a big part of true compassion - letting go without turning away.” - Dave Cuomo   Dave looks at how to make lasting peace in the world while regaling us with the legend of Dongshan’s ‘Celebration of Silliness’, the week long banquet of delusion Dongshan threw for him and his monks on his death bed. What, if anything, do we owe our friends and families on our way out the great gaping door? Can evil really be destroyed or is it something we’re stuck with? And why are the enlightened out there insisting that they need all of us deluded folks to take care of them? Isn’t that supposed to be their job?? Find out here!

“Wind is liberated from the mountain, I is liberated from nothing at all… I’m here because I need y'all, because practice doesn't make sense without you.” - Henry Zander   Henry takes us to the Christian plains of the midwest to regale us with a personal practice story of finding yourself somewhat alone in your own weird wildness only to find the odd ways that singular experience can hone and flourish itself when shared with a community. How is poetry both a boon and a hindrance to practice? What do we gain and lose when we sit together versus sitting alone? How is it that a practice that preaches ultimate oneness can often leave us isolated and alone? Find out here!

“They say you can’t intellectualize Zen, but don't short change yourself. If your brain wants to understand it, do that first. The old masters all did. They knew exactly what they were talking about.  And then one day you might realize that even the highest level teachings aren’t enough. But you have to get them before you can realize that they’re not enough.“ - Dave Cuomo   History of Zen returns with a tale of dharma combat that's going to have eon long implications. Two epic frenemies are busy inventing modern koan and shikantaza practice while China is busy putting itself back together, only to promptly fall apart again. What are the roots of modern koan practice, and is ACZC doing them wrong? Why does Zen have a “right” answer for everything, and how did their philosophies get so tight? Was Zen designed to be secular or religious, and does it believe its own PR? Find out here!

“If you don't understand the way right before you, how will you know the path as you walk?” - Shitou Xiqian   Sara reflects on some challenging lines from Shitou to work through medical troubles in her family, while Shunryu Suzuki and Huangbo shed some light on the dawns and midnights of life that always seem to go hand in hand. How does practice help in the times we’re most reticent to sit down to it? Does insight best arrive in a flash or a slow dawning drip of emotion? Can 1000 year old poetry offer any cool comforts in times of crisis? Find out here.

“’Don’t trust anyone…’ When you have this limited idea of trust, you put someone in a box. ‘Not trusting anybody’ means allowing them, moment to moment, to be different.” - Natalie Goldberg   Dave gets grumpy about getting to live his dream life and reads letters from the sangha about why he shouldn’t go to Japan for monastic training, plus a reading from Dainin Katagiri’s “You Have To Say Something” along with a deep dive into all the valid reasons not to trust ourselves, our teachers, or the systems we work in. Is formal Zen training just one more toy to let go of, or is it the place we go to let go of our idealistic toys? Can we learn from systems and selves we don’t entirely trust? When the moment arrives, should we stand strong and stare the great moose of truth in the face, or is the real wisdom to bravely run away?? Find out here!

“How do you become a flavor that gives life to other flavors? How do you become a person that gives life to other practitioners instead of taking away their life?” - Gyokei Yokoyama   Bitter, salty, spicy, sour, or sweet - Gyokei gives us a subtle and patient recipe for finding our own true original flavor that brings out the best in all the rest. What melodies are waiting to sing to us in uncomfortable silences? Can we learn to trust the mind that lies behind our own self esteem? And is it ever really possible to taste what truly makes us special?? Find out here.

“What would be so bad if I wasn’t the best?” - Emily Eslami   Emily regales us with the story of a young girl growing up wanting to think she was something special, only to find herself one of eight billion people thinking much the same thing. Reading from Shunryu Suzuki’s classic Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, this is the real life story of realizing all the anxiety and effort it takes to keep an ego afloat, and then learning to wield a wonderful power that is nothing special at all. Why is it often so frustrating to watch our friends succeed? If Buddha said we were so perfect just the way we are, why does Zen always seem to be telling us we’re doing it wrong? And if we’re not out there trying to be the best, will we still be any good?? Find out here!

“If all of you have access to the same wisdom, and you all hear it in your own distinct ways, that also implies that no one's ever gonna hear it like you. Whenever you feel that beautiful swell of connection, that’s for you alone. You don't get to share that. I don't know. It both like swells and breaks my heart at the same time.” - Dave Cuomo   Mountains walk and rivers talk as Dave delves into Dogen’s classic Mountains and Waters Sutra with the help of Shohaku Okumura’s classic commentary on this poetic and profound piece. How is Mahayana Buddhism so unapologetically based on a lie? (#fakebuddhaquotes amiright?). How do we do not understanding? Is turning off your phone during zazen and turning your back on your loved ones a heartless way of turning toward the truth? And why is Zen’s advice about dealing with anger making Dave so angry?? Find out here!

“The assumption that things suck is totally safe. You can always prove it. But you miss at least half the world that way.” Jason Dodge   Who’s afraid of the dark?? Just about all of us if we’re being honest. Luckily Jason’s here to shed some light on how to delight ourselves in the dharma of darkness, and why seeing the world in terms of good and bad is not ultimately a good thing. How can we take comfort in calamity? Why do Zen masters want to scold us for being good students? And is it possible to be an Angry Buddha without causing (too much) trouble?? Find out here!

“To know the dark, go dark. Go without sight,/and find that the dark, too, blooms and sings,/and is traveled by dark feet and dark wings.” Wendell Berry   Dave rings in the New Year with a rousingly rambling speech about presence and why yours matters so much while trying to inspire us all with a faith built on a shining bright lie. Why does recognizing the illusion of time make its passing all the sweeter? Is it possible to meditate our worries away, and why is it sometimes more enlightening not to? What happens when you cross no holds barred start up culture with a thousand year old dumpling stand? Find out here!!

“Take a walk at night. Walk so silently that the bottoms of your feet become ears.” - Pauline Oliveras   Long time sangha friend Robert brings us the story of what he’s doing and why he’s here with a fascinating discussion of sound and body, sonic meditations, and a personal look at how going deep on deep listening might help keep us on (or off) the path. What symphonies do we hear when the music stops? Why is ritual so satisfying even for the non believers? And why do we find ourselves laughing when life most makes us want to cry?? Find out here!

“Wander alone. Like a rhinoceros.” - Buddha   Erik brings us a special holiday talk dedicated to all the loners out there and everyone else who could benefit from getting in touch with their inner existential rhino - including a dramatic reading of the rhinoceros sutra itself. Why does Buddha want us to be so lonely? Can we every truly be alone? Can we ever not be?? Find out here!

“For me, the best Zen Master is a dead Zen Master.  It’s really healthy for us to venerate and revere these figures. It just doesn’t seem all that healthy for a human to actually sit in that role.” - Dave Cuomo   Join us for a madcap romp to the thrilling conclusion of The Vimalakirti Sutra - Buddha and Vimalakirti square off for an epic confrontation Beyond Comprehension, Vimalakirti holds a universe in his hands like a bouquet of flowers for his loved ones (us!), Shariputra finally gets some answers, Buddha regales us with stories of when he was a young upstart Bodhisattva just as confused as the rest of us, and even the God Indra makes a cameo to endorse the whole affair. What actually is a Buddha after all? Why doesn’t the sutra want us to believe it’s own bulls**t?? What are our practice, dreams, ambitions, and lives about if in the end they’re not about us at all??? Find out here!

“Be who you are, enjoy your practice just the way you do. Whether you are aware or not, it has a tremendous impact. Those are good ripples for all of us.” Gyokei Yokoyama   Soto Zen in North America turned 100 years old a couple weeks ago with a big Jukai celebration and Gyokei brings us the scene report from the wide world of Zen while reflecting back on a century of continuous practice here. Is American Zen all grown up and ready to move out of the parents house? Which lineage has the best jokes and makes the best drinking buddies? And what exactly do you have to do to get kicked out of Soto Zen?? Find out here!!