Sex With Dr. Jess

Want to boost connection & appreciation in a matter of minutes? In this episode, we work our way through this short activity, One Thing I Love About You. You can try it with a partner or anyone else you love. It’s simple and you can power through it in a few minutes if you keep things short and sweet. Use these prompts to get started:

One thing I love about your body…
One thing I love about your voice…
One thing I love about your energy/aura…
One thing I love about your touch…
One thing I love about your personality…
One thing I love about your character…
One thing I love about how you interact with others…
One thing I love about how you treat me…
One thing I love about your…

This exercise is excerpted from The Ultimate Guide to Seduction and Foreplay: Techniques & Strategies for Mind-Blowing Pleasure by Jessica O’Reilly & Marla Renee Stewart. This book is full of advice and activities designed to help you better understand and communicate sexual needs, desires, and values. Order your copy here.



 

AdamandEve.com isextending their offer of 50% off almost any item + FREE Rush Shipping. Be sure to use code DRJESS50 to save!



If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Lovehoney, Lovehoney, We-Vibe and Womanizer. andWomanizer. Use code DRJESS15 at checkout to save!


We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. This comprehensive video & audio course designed to help you drown out distractions and tune into pleasure.



 

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!




Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Updated - Quick Connection Exercise for Couples

Intro: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

Brandon: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my always lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

Dr. Jess: I'm just here celebrating man. I'm celebrating you. It's your birthday. It was yesterday.

Kind of a big deal. Yeah, such a big deal that I was out of town for work and just flew in this morning. That's all good. Made you come pick me up. Not made you, but you came to the airport at 6 a. m. I've been up since I guess the equivalent of 2 a. m. here and we're feeling good. I'm, I'm actually feeling fine.

I've got the adrenaline rush because I just have started another speaking tour. I'm finally feeling like I'm getting back to work. Pretty excited. We are going to do a quickie podcast on that note. Yes. Because we have, I have another flight to catch. Yeah, which is great. A farther flight off to an exciting place for other work [00:01:00] prospects.

So, and Brandon's joining me. Mm hmm, looking forward to it. In Barcelona. Barcelona. You have a friend in Spain. Brandon has a, the equivalent of, I guess it's the modern day pen pal. Yes, I have a pen pal. I do. But they, what do you, explain what you do, because I think it's really cool. I

Brandon: went onto a website where you can commun...

Jess answers your questions about gender roles and rules in the Swinging Lifestyle. She also shares a bit about her own personal experience and unpacks data about consensual non-monogamy. Whether you're an experienced Swinger, curious about the lifestyle or just wondering what you can learn from consensually non-monogamous relationships, have a listen as Jess differentiates between cheating and CNM relationships.

This podcast episode is brought to you by Desire Resorts.

Do opposites attract?
Are you really attracted to funny people or do you find attractive people funnier?
And which type of dating couple are you?

Researchers suggest that there are four types of dating couples and your type can influence whether the relationship lasts. Jess and Brandon explore these research topics in their last episode of 2023.

Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping.



And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 344

4 Types of Couples -- Which One Are You?

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Alright, alright. Are we ready to talk about four types of couples?

[00:00:17] Brandon Ware: I'm always ready to talk about four types of couples. Which four types of couples are we talking about?

[00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: Four types of couples. Which one are you? It reminds me of like a quiz. What type of onion are you?

[00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I'm a white onion.

[00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: You are a white onion.

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: Because I can only name two types of onions.

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: What's the other one?

[00:00:31] Brandon Ware: Red onions.

[00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: What about Vidalia?

[00:00:33] Brandon Ware: I don't know what that is.

[00:00:34] Jess O'Reilly: Green.

[00:00:35] Brandon Ware: Sure. Green.

[00:00:35] Jess O'Reilly: Yes. Spanish.

[00:00:36] Brandon Ware: Okay. Listen, listen.

[00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: Shallot.

[00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Onion connoisseur.

[00:00:41] Jess O'Reilly: I like an onion. So we'll be talking about four types of couples and some research. But before we do that, I wanted to very briefly dive into some other research and data that I've come across this week.

[00:00:51] Jess O'Reilly: And we have a little announcement at the end, I guess before we dive into it, I need to shout out adamandeve. com because they've got a big, big, big sale going on. And. You can save 50 percent off almost any single item plus free shipping and rush handling with code. Dr. Jess 50,

[00:01:08] Brandon Ware: Dr. Jess 50.

[00:01:09] Jess O'Reilly: Go buy something that vibrates something. Okay. Question for you.

[00:01:12] Brandon Ware: Yes.

[00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Are funny people more attractive to you?

[00:01:15] Brandon Ware: Funny people are more attractive.

[00:01:16] Jess O'Reilly: Like, are you attracted to funny people?

[00:01:18] Brandon Ware: Yes.

[00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: Hang on. Am I funny?

[00:01:19] Brandon Ware: Hold on. Yes. You're very funny, but what, but what else is like, what's the and

[00:01:24] Jess O'Reilly: well, the question is, are you attracted to humor? Or do you find attractive people funnier?

[00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. I'm going to just say this. So I noticed that every little joke, like every little snide remark,

Isle McElroy joins Jess and Brandon to talk about intimacy, vulnerability and sex -- on paper and in the flesh. An award-winning non-binary author based in New York, McElroy's latest novel People Collide is a gender-bending, body-switching story exploring marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership. Isle shares personal insights on what makes for a good sex scene, how inadequacy plays out in relationships and what they've learned from rethinking sex and pleasure.

To learn more about Isle McElroy, check out their social media - Instagram and Twitter

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 343

Sex, Gender & Intimacy: People Collide with Isle McElroy

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Hey, hey, today we're talking about sex, gender, and intimacy with Isle McElroy, an award winning non binary author based in New York, whose latest novel, People Collide, is a gender bending, body switching story about marriage, identity, and sex, which delves into questions about the nature of true partnership.

[00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, and this story isn't your traditional kind of body swap, you know, thinking Freaky Fridays. So the story is... Eli, when Eli, the main character, leaves the cramped Bulgarian apartment, he shares with his wife, Elizabeth, who's more organized, more successful than he is. He discovers that he now inhabits her body.

[00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: So not only have he and his wife traded bodies, but Elizabeth living as Eli, has disappeared without a trace, and what follows is Eli's search across Europe, to America, to find his missing wife, and an exploration of gender and embodied experience. As Eli comes closer to finding Elizabeth while learning to exist in her body, he begins to wonder what effect this metamorphosis will have on their relationship, and how long he can maintain the illusion of of living as someone he isn't.

[00:01:17] Jess O'Reilly: And the questions, you know, are will their new marriage wither completely in each other's bodies, or is this transformation the very thing Eli and Elizabeth need for their marriage? to thrive. So I'm really looking forward to this conversation. I've been reading the book. I'm almost done. I thought I'd be done by today, but I have a lot of questions about some of the messaging and themes, and I think it's going to be a great conversation.

[00:01:37] Jess O'Reilly: Now, before we welcome our guest, I'll want to announce a partnership with fellow podcasters Adventures from the Bedrooms of African Women. The podcast, season two, is out now and it's hosted by Nana Darkwa Sakiyama and Malaika Grant. The podcast explores African women's experiences of sex, sexuality, [00:02:00] and pleasure and they have a host of fabulous guests in their bedroom this season.

[00:02:05] Jess O'Reilly: They have top sexpert Ohlone from the UK, fabulous comedienne Yvonne Orji. Feminist powerhouse, Mona Altahawe, and many, many more. And they're asking all their guests, what's your sexy secret? What's your secret, babe?

[00:02:19] Brandon Ware: I can't tell you. It's a secret. That's why it's a secret.

What are the signs of burnout, and how do they - show up in relationships?
How might the Conservation of Resources theory apply to personal relationships?
And how can we use the Conservation of Resource lens to manage burnout and improve relationships?

Jess & Brandon discuss these topics and more while exploring specific strategies for dealing with burnout in - the context of personal relationships. Check out the transcript below, and be sure to click here to learn more about the upcoming Temptation Cruise departing from Miami in February 2024.



And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 342

Managing Burnout In Relationships: Conservation of Resource Theory

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Mr. Brandon Ware, how you feeling today?

[00:00:17] Brandon Ware: I'm good. I'm good. I'm a little bit tired. I'm good.

[00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: A little bit worn out.

[00:00:20] Brandon Ware: Just, just a touch.

[00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: This is what I'm hearing across the board.

[00:00:23] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I hear it from a lot of people these days.

[00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: I didn't even prep you for it. I'm like, if I ask how you're doing, I know you're going to say you're a little worn out because it seems like everybody's feeling that way. You know, I'm hearing from friends who describe their state as frozen.

[00:00:36] Brandon Ware: I haven't heard frozen before.

[00:00:37] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. Actually two different friends last week said that they feel frozen. Like they don't even feel like replying in our group texts. They don't even feel like talking about what's going on in the world because folks are feeling exhausted and sad. And I think there's a sense of. Hopelessness around some of the, the big issues and power and the way things are shifting and seeing how, you know, even economies are, are shifting so that it's making it harder for people to live.

[00:01:05] Brandon Ware: I thought you were going to make reference to, so the feeling numbness, but also the inability to move, is that what you're saying? So it's kind of twofold.

[00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Right. Cause we think about fight. Or flight, freeze is another response, fawn is another response, but we're not talking about that today. I want to talk about burnout.

[00:01:21] Jess O'Reilly: So I think most folks have heard me talk about the bulk of my work is this marriage as a business program, where I take business models and adapt them to relationships for business leaders. And that's my favorite part of my job. It's super fun. And it's really interesting because it's not like every model can just be.

[00:01:36] Jess O'Reilly: Shifted into another realm perfectly, but I think they can be adapted and no model is perfect. No theory is perfect, especially when you're looking at, you know, for example, organizational psychology. But I was thinking that it'd be interesting to apply this to burnout today because it seems to be the theme in all the private messages I'm reading and in my friend groups right now.

Do you want to...

Bicker less and catch yourself before you start?
Stay calm and empathetic during conflict?
Feel more at ease and connected so - that you're less inclined to fight?

Tune in for a discussion - of why we bicker and 12 simple strategies to reduce conflict in relationships as Jess and Brandon weigh in on this listener question: "We love each other madly. He’s really the love of my life, and we don’t seem to have any big, deep issues because we’re really aligned - on values, family, spirituality, and the core issues. But we bicker a lot. I don’t like - the example we’re setting for our kids. How can we cut back on the daily bickering so our household is more at ease and we have more peace - because we both work from home."

Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping.



And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 340

How To Stop Bickering: 12 Strategies

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Let's bicker.

[00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Let's, what are we going to bicker over?

[00:00:18] Jess O'Reilly: You splashing all over the place in the bathroom. Like you're some sort of a hippo in the tub.

[00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Well, I can't help it because the sink is too small.

[00:00:25] Jess O'Reilly: Cause your head's big.

[00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I got a big face. Well, you know what? You make a mess sometimes.

[00:00:31] Jess O'Reilly: We absolutely suck. We suck at this. We're supposed to be talking about bickering today, but when you put us on the spot, listen, when we're in the middle of a bicker, we got it.

[00:00:39] Brandon Ware: Things are real.

[00:00:40] Jess O'Reilly: We've got it down, but to fake it seems really hard.

[00:00:43] Jess O'Reilly: Uh, we're going to talk about how to stop bickering and having little daily arguments today. We have a question from, uh, from a listener, and this is a question I kind of get over and over. And over again, because life can be stressful and life can be busy. And I think that's one of the big reasons we bicker.

[00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: So before we dive into it, want to shout out our sponsors, Adam and Eve. com. They are offering 50 percent off almost any item plus free shipping, plus free handling, which is Brandon's favorite part with code Dr. Jess 50. So check out Adam and Eve. com. Bildos, vibrators, butt plugs, other fun things that you can use in your body.

[00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: Adam and Eve. com code. Dr. Jess 50. All right, let's dive right into it.

[00:01:23] Brandon Ware: Let's, are we going to continue bickering or is, is this where it stops?

[00:01:26] Jess O'Reilly: No, we're going to start bickering.

[00:01:28] Brandon Ware: Let's do it. Yeah. Amazing.

[00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: Okay. So we have this note, uh, there's a bit of a preamble, but the bulk of it is we love each other madly.

[00:01:35] Jess O'Reilly: He's really the love of my life. And we don't seem to have any big deep issues because ...

How do you keep things exciting amid a repetitive routine?
How can adults be more playful (because playfulness is associated with happier relationships & hotter sex)?
What simple changes can you implement to make your daily interactions more fun, passionate and erotic — even if you’re super busy?

You’re not a light switch, so you likely can’t get turned on in the blink of an eye. This week, to celebrate our wedding anniversary, we share 20+ specific strategies and action items you can use to make your relationship more romantic, intimate and erotic.
If you’re looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Lovehoney, We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS15 at checkout to save!

Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping.



And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 341 - Eroticize Daily Interactions: 20 Actionable Tips For Busy Couples
Intro: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight.
Dr. Jess: Hey, we've got a replay of one of my favorite topics, one of my favorite episodes on eroticizing daily interactions from April 2021, so you might hear some references to a totally different time. It's a time warp.
Brandon: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I am your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, hey. How are you?
Dr. Jess: I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good. I'm interested in this conversation for the two of us as well.
We're going to be talking about how to make your daily interactions more erotic and What are you laughing at?
Brandon: I'm immediately thinking about eating a banana.
Dr. Jess: Oh my gosh, because in my presentations I always talk about how [00:01:00] to eroticize daily interactions because you're not a light switch. You can't go from talking about your taxes and your work and your kids and whether or not your dog had a bowel movement on its last walk to just flipping the switch and being, oh, hi.
Hey. Tear my clothes off, right? And my joke is when I say To eroticize your daily interactions. I don't mean make everything annoyingly erotic, right? I don't want to be eating a banana and have Brandon look over and be like, Oh yeah, you eat that banana. That's what I'm talking about. It's really more about playfulness and flirtation and I don't know, all these different ways to be erotic.
It doesn't have to be super sexual or graphic. So we're going to be getting into that. I mean, I guess before we do, I should ask you, Do you feel like our interactions are particularly erotic?
Brandon: I don't think that I'm an erotic person. I feel very self conscious whenever I'm [00:02:00] trying to do something that I think is erotic, whether I've seen it on, you know, TV, movie, somewhere, I feel like a goof doing it.
So when I see people who are genuinely erotic and they just exude the sex appeal, I'm, I'm like, good on you because when I try that,

In this Q&A, Jess and Brandon weigh in on listener queries related to "work spouses", dealing with a partner who refuses to go to therapy and "love tattoos":

"My husband has a coworker who introduced herself to me as his work wife. I didn’t even know how to respond. When I talked to him about it, he said she was just kidding around. I think it’s inappropriate. He says it’s no big deal. Who is right?"

"What do you do if your partner refuses; to go to therapy - but the relationship is on the rocks? Asking for a friend."

"I just turned 18, and I’ve been dating a guy - who is a few years older than me. He comes from money, so he’s shown me a lot of things I’ve never seen before. It has only been a few months, and he wants me to get a matching tattoo. What should I do?"

Check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any one item with FREE shipping.



And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 339

Candid Conversations: Managing the 'Work Spouse' and Therapy Avoidance

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, how are you doing?

[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: I'm good. I can see that you're putting on a brave face. I am putting on a brave face.

[00:00:26] Jess O'Reilly: You know how I know you're having a date.

[00:00:29] Brandon Ware: How? What's my tell? What's my tell? Is it Terry's?

[00:00:33] Jess O'Reilly: It's your, it's your left peck. It's my left peck. It's your left peck. It's that I saw the app from your ring on your phone and your stress was way up at the top.

[00:00:42] Brandon Ware: So I have an Aura ring and it monitors all your vitals and they just released a stress feature.

[00:00:48] Brandon Ware: I'm stressed out today.

[00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, left peck going hard.

[00:00:51] Brandon Ware: I feel like some people need to talk it out with somebody other than me.

[00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: So I think so many of us run into this. I'm not going to obviously speak specifically about your situation. I know what's going on, but I think that sometimes you have people in your lives.

[00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: Whether they be friends, or clients, or co workers, or just people in your family, who, they have their own anxiety, and they try and attenuate that anxiety through you. And I don't mean they're dumping their problems on you, but they may be actually, in your case, they are actually saying, here are my problems, fix them, even though you can't.

[00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: But, They expect you to kind of jump and dance and twist and twirl around their anxiety as though their urgency is your emergency.

[00:01:36] Brandon Ware: Ooh, that's a good one. I have heard that before, but their urgency is my emergency. Yes.

[00:01:40] Jess O'Reilly: I think it's Luna who I first heard say that.

[00:01:42] Brandon Ware: Was that Luna? Luna Matadas?

[00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: It rhymes, you know.

How do you define cheating?
And how do you recover once trust has been broken?
How do you deal with sexual pressure from a partner?

Womanizer Premium Eco

Jess and Brandon weigh in on personal questions from listeners. They also share an offer from Womanizer in honour of Breast Cancer Awareness Month: if you're a survivor, request your Womanizer Premium Eco by emailing info at sexwithdrjess dot com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Sex & Relationship Q&A: Cheating, Trust & Sexual Pressure

Episode 338

[00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey, hey, we're back at it after a week off. Are you, are you feeling rested?

[00:00:19] Brandon Ware: I feel refreshed.

[00:00:20] Jess O'Reilly: You do?

[00:00:21] Brandon Ware: Not at all.

[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: In 400 or so episodes, or maybe we're not quite at 400. I think we've only missed two weeks.

[00:00:27] Brandon Ware: About three 50. And that's impressive that you've only missed. Two weeks.

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Is it? For me it is. For another person who's not as, uh, commitment phobic. Not that impressive, but apologies for missing last week. Not gonna get into it, but happy to, happy to be back chatting with you today, babe. Yeah, always happy to be here.

[00:00:43] Jess O'Reilly: We've got some questions from some listeners that, uh, I'm always kind of intrigued by and intrigued to hear what you have to say and what others think. So we do have a bit of an alternative sponsor for Breast Cancer Awareness Month as well. Uh, because cancer diagnosis and treatment have repeatedly been shown to adversely affect sexual function.

[00:01:03] Jess O'Reilly: We know that, for example, 83% of breast cancer survivors meet the clinical criteria for sexual dysfunction. We know that a very small percentage actually receive supports in this area. So our sponsored womanizer has. partnered with charity, the leading research hospital in Berlin for a breast cancer clinical study on sexuality and libido for breast cancer survivors.

[00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: And they already have some preliminary data in this study showing that masturbating helps with libido loss and sexual self worth in breast cancer survivors who have undergone treatment. So I am looking forward to seeing some of those. Some of those formal results once published, and Erica Hart, who is a fellow sex educator, they're an activist, a breast cancer survivor themself, they advocate for an active pleasure approach to breast cancer survivors treatment.

[00:01:51] Jess O'Reilly: They are also on board as part of the project. And the reason we're bringing this up is that Womanizer, you know I'm a fan of this brand, a huge fan of their [00:02:00] technology, Womanizer is giving away. a whole lot of premium ecos. So those are their premium version of womanizers, but they're recyclable. So they're made from recyclable material.

[00:02:12] Jess O'Reilly: The product itself is recyclable. It uses less packaging, all that jazz. And so if you are a survivor and you're interested in a free womanizer premium eco, just let me know.

In Part II of our threesome discussion, we share questions and prompts to consider before you have a threesome — for individuals and couples. We also share some of our listeners’ insights on threesomes and discuss couples’ privilege.

Check out the questionnaires below, and be sure to check out AdamAndEve.com and use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any item with FREE shipping + VIP rush processing.



Threesomes: Self-Questionnaire

Why do you want to have a threesome?
Where did the idea of a threesome come from?
How do you feel about this source?
What benefits do you expect to derive from a threesome?
What are the perceived risks/costs?
With whom would you like to have a threesome?
Do you know if they’re open to it?
How might your relationship with your threesome mates change post-threesome?
What excites you most about a threesome?
What motivates you?
What concerns you about a threesome?
Do you have any hesitations?
What emotional elements of a threesome have you considered?
How will you manage potentially challenging emotions should they arise?
Do you feel comfortable communicating your desires and boundaries?
What conditions increase your comfort level with open communication?
What does your ideal threesome entail?

Consider the setting, relationships, involved parties, sex acts, etc...

Threesomes: Managing Jealousy, Insecurity & Distress

Am I comfortable admitting to feelings of jealousy, insecurity and distress?
I tend to feel jealous/insecure/distressed when…
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, it shows up in my body as…(emotional presence)
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I want to…
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I can self-soothe by…
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I’d like you to…
When I feel jealous/insecure/distressed, I don’t want you to…
You’ll know when I feel jealous/insecure/distressed when I…

Some other cues to look for include…

Threesomes: Couples’ Questionnaire

Whose idea was it? Do you feel any pressure?
Have you (in)directly pressured your partner?
Why do you/we want to have a threesome?
What do you/we hope to get out of the experience?
What are my/our concerns about the experience?
Have we talked about jealousy, insecurity and other potentially challenging emotions we might encounter?
What would it look like if it goes well?
What might it look like if something goes awry?
How will we communicate and respond?
What do we value in a third party?
What type of person do we want to connect with?
Do we want to involve a stranger, an acquaintance, a friend and/or a sex worker?
Have we considered our couples’ privilege and how we can ensure that all voices are heard and respected?

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Episode 337

How To Plan A Successful Threesome

[00:00:00] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. And I'm looking at Dr. Jess with a giant smile on her face.

[00:00:05] Jess O'Reilly: You like that?

Most people fantasize about threesomes, but not many people - actually dive in. In part I of our Threesomes podcast, we dive into the data and get some practical advice from Justin Lehmiller - who answers your questions including:

How common are threesomes?
What counts as a threesome?
How does a threesome affect relationships for couples?
Who is having threesomes?
How do people find threesomes (e.g. through apps like Feeld)?
What’s the appeal of threesomes?

Next week, we’ll dive into how to prep for a threesome with prompts, conversations and more!



Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

All About Threesomes

Episode 336

[00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are talking threesomes today and we are doing a throwback to a two part series with Dr. Justin Lehmiller on the doc today, because I received three questions about threesomes over the weekend and I think it's a sign. So here we go. Have a listen to this throwback with Dr. Justin Lehmiller.

[00:00:27] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

[00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are talking threesomes today and it fits that today's episode is brought to you by FIELD. And FIELD is the first dating app for couples and singles. They're a pioneer in allowing couples to kind of explore dating together as a pair, and they're open to all genders, all sexual identities,

[00:01:13] Jess O'Reilly: all sexual orientations from basically for anyone who's interested in either ethical non monogamy or alternative relationship structures, or simply those who are curious and looking to kind of dip their toe into the pond. So do check them out. Field is spelt feel and a D so F E E L D and you can download the field app.

[00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: It's free and you create a profile. And once you have liked someone and they've liked you back on the app. You become connections and you're able to chat. And if you want to, you can share photos and they also often offer an upgraded membership option with extra features. And yeah, so do check out FIELD.

[00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: They're one of the largest online communities for fun stuff like this. And it's interesting. I actually came across FIELD in my research a few years ago. when I was prepping a training for therapists on threesomes and ethical non monogamy and they really are the [00:02:00] perfect partner for this podcast because we're talking about threesomes and of course there are people on field looking for threesomes and later we're going to be talking with their expert Dr.

[00:02:08] Jess O'Reilly: Justin Leigh. But before he joins us, I wanted to kind of dig into some of the data on threesomes. And later on, I also want to talk if we have time about how to prepare for a threesome, like in terms of communication and reflection and just topics to address before you start exploring. I don't know how much time we'll have.

Curious about kink, spanking, ethical porn and how to have better sex?

The inimitable King Noire shares his perspective of pleasure, pansexuality, performance and much more in this candid conversation with Jess & Brandon.



King Noire is an accomplished and award-winning writer, porn performer, artist, Master Fetish Trainer, MC, and global activist using the proceeds of his album ‘Music Is My Weapon’ to build a school, freshwater well, and medical clinic in West Africa. He raises consciousness around kink safety for people of color, provides lectures on the decolonization of sexuality, and offers sex education to audiences ranging from college students to medical providers.

Check out King Noire's website here, and follow him on his social media accounts - Instagram and Twitter.



And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Pleasure, Spanking & Masculinity with King Noire

Episode 335

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are here in Atlanta at sex down south with the King Noir. I have to read your bio before you come on. It's the boys. King Noir is an accomplished award winning writer, porn performer. Artist, master fetish trainer, MC, we're going to be playing his music, global activist who uses the proceeds of his album, Music is My Weapon, to build a school, a freshwater well, a medical clinic in West Africa.

[00:00:40] Jess O'Reilly: He raises consciousness around kink safety for people of color. He provides lectures on the decolonization of sexuality and offers sex education to audiences ranging from college students to medical providers to those of us in the field. You have a big following. Thank you so much for being here.

[00:00:56] King Noire: Thank you.

[00:00:56] King Noire: Thank you for having me. It's good to be back. All right.

[00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: So you just, you won a big award, a big award in the industry. So Urban X Awards, Pansexual Performer of the Year.

[00:01:06] King Noire: Yep.

[00:01:06] Jess O'Reilly: What's that mean, Pansexual Performer?

[00:01:08] King Noire: Oh, shit. It's interesting because I think this might have been either one of the, either the first or one of the first years that they've actually had that as an award.

[00:01:16] Jess O'Reilly: Okay.

[00:01:17] King Noire: So I'm honored to win it either way. I think. Pansexual as I guess as a sexuality is kind of like you fuck who you're attracted to and you don't let Gender or orientation or anything like that get in the way of you fucking who you want to fuck. I like that That's that's how I define it and then I think for the award I think the reason that I was even nominated for that award is because I do a lot of work with trans performers as well as cisgender performers, so I was extremely honored to get it cuz We putting in work.

[00:01:49] King Noire: So I want, I want to be honored for that work and it feels good to be honored by, you know, Urban X's is big in the industry. So it's like people are seeing it. People are acknowledging it. And a [00:02:00] lot of times they think that, you know,

Couples in The Lifestyle (AKA Swingers) practice a form of ethical non-monogamy that usually involves sex play with other singles and/or couples.

In this quickie episode, Jess and Brandon discuss advice from three swinger couples who share their insights for happier relationships (and, by extension, hotter sex).

If you're here for the Womanizer X Lovehoney Advent Calendar, CLICK HERE, and be sure - to use code DRJESS to save.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

3 Sex & Relationship Lessons From "Lifestyle" Couples

Episode 333

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Dr. Jess, how are you feeling today?

[00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: I'm feeling all right. I'm feeling good. Talk to me. Why is that? We have just disembarked the Desire Cruise, and I don't know if this was maybe number six for us in terms of Desire Cruising, but we just came off a week in Greece with one stop in Turkey.

[00:00:33] Jess O'Reilly: It was a lot of fun, but it was pretty intense.

[00:00:34] Brandon Ware: Yeah, it was intense.

[00:00:36] Jess O'Reilly: Lots of socializing.

[00:00:38] Brandon Ware: Yeah, that's an understatement. I always like to party. Oh my gosh. I can't keep up. I don't know. I gotta, I gotta tell you, I don't know how they do it. They're up at like seven in the morning and they party hard until like three in the morning.

[00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Is that, is that their schedule? I don't know. I'm asleep long before

[00:00:52] Brandon Ware: that. I'm, I'm, I'm impressed.

[00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: But it's super friendly crowd. Oh yeah. Like it's so much fun while you're on, but then, you know, when you come off of something that's so highly social, at least me. Oh, I feel like a total drop. I just need to be quiet for a bit.

[00:01:07] Jess O'Reilly: Need some time to chill. Yes. Now we are also on route to Atlanta for Sex Town South via Toronto. Very excited for this. So this is definitely a quickie episode because we just don't have a lot of time. We're stopping in Toronto overnight. So that I can feed my dad and see my mom and my stepdad. Check on my plants.

[00:01:26] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, drop off my cleats to my friend's house because I'm gonna, I need her to carry them to a tournament for me in Montreal. But what for? What are you playing? We're not talking about that right now. Okay, I play Ultimate and Brandon likes to make fun of it.

[00:01:39] Brandon Ware: Hope Adam's listening right now. Adam Maurer.

[00:01:41] Jess O'Reilly: Oh my gosh.

[00:01:42] Brandon Ware: I feel like we've bonded over this.

[00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: Brandon calls it Frisbee. If I call it Frisbee, people who play Ultimate are going to get mad at me, but it's the least Ultimate. It's Ultimate. Anyhow, we have a short amount of time, so we are going to get in to three lessons that I learned from lifestyle couples on the cruise.[00:02:00]

[00:02:00] Jess O'Reilly: Three lessons from swingers, basically. These couples are swingers now.

Happy couples from across the globe share their best advice for richer relationships. From the relational to the emotional to the sexual, the happiest couples - of all ages weigh in on what makes their relationships thrive.

This episode is brought to you by Desire Cruises - a unique experience for adventurous couples! Join us as we cruise to the Greek Isles in August and the South of France next Spring 2024.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Top Relationship Tips From Happier Couples: 8 Secrets To Success

Episode 332

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight.

[00:00:13] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. And today we are about to head out on the desire cruise.

[00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: That's right. We're hitting the Greek isles. We're hitting Turkey. You're going to make a cruise sound.

[00:00:26] Brandon Ware: No, I'm, I'm so much more mature than that.

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: Don't you know me better?

[00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: I can see you. Yeah. Yeah. Why does your boat sound like a donkey?

[00:00:34] Brandon Ware: I don't know. It just does.

[00:00:35] Jess O'Reilly: If I heard that sound, I'm not getting on the boat.

[00:00:37] Brandon Ware: Yeah. Okay.

[00:00:37] Jess O'Reilly: So, pretty excited. This is, I don't know. Is this our sixth Desire Cruise?

[00:00:41] Brandon Ware: I believe that it is.

[00:00:42] Jess O'Reilly: We've been on pretty much all of them except the ones over New Year's because that's our week off.

[00:00:47] Jess O'Reilly: And every time we're on board, I'm collecting information. Not necessarily... data, but people's insights and experiences because it's just such a broad range of guests here. So there are around 700 people on board. There are 44 countries represented. I don't have the breakdown of this specific cruise, but from the last one, a few months ago, from that, I know that there were of the 700, around 300 Americans, 50 Canadians, 57 Mexicans.

[00:01:16] Jess O'Reilly: Handful from India, 16 Brazilians, another handful of Colombians, around a hundred from Europe. When I kind of look, okay, that's the UK. They've exited. I did.

[00:01:29] Brandon Ware: I also did the German though, or maybe it was Austrian.

[00:01:31] Jess O'Reilly: Actually UK is a big contingent. I don't know why I didn't write them down, but there's a good number from the UK.

[00:01:36] Jess O'Reilly: Folks from New Zealand, Singapore, South Africa, Taiwan, a nice contingent from. Central and South America. So I met Chileans, Costa Ricans, Ecuadorians, Venezuelans, a handful from Lebanon. I met a couple from Korea. And so, and there's, there's kind of a broad age range, right there. I think there might be a couple who are quite young in their twenties, but just like a handful of, let's be [00:02:00] honest, women.

[00:02:00] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. I don't think there's any guys in their twenties, then a handful in their thirties, many in their forties. And then a bunch in their fifties and beyond. And so for me, there's just so much learning here because people hail from ...

Has your partner lied to you about their finances?
Have you ever hid spending (or debt) from a partner?
Do you and your partner disagree about money - saving, spending, sharing, etc?
Do you struggle to talk about money without fighting?
What constitutes 'cheating' or financial fidelity?

Jess and Brandon discuss their experience with financial infidelity and dive into why people lie about money. They also share prompts & language to help you navigate sensitive conversations related to financial values.

Be sure to check out Bloomi in a Target near you, or check out their website for your Bloomi needs.

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Financial Infidelity & How To Talk About Money

Episode 331

[00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:13] Brandon Ware: Today, we're going to be talking about financial infidelity,

[00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: talking about money, money, money, honey. Okay. Are we good at talking about money with each other?

[00:00:26] Brandon Ware: I think we're good about talking about some aspects of money.

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Okay, let's start with the good.

[00:00:31] Brandon Ware: I think we communicate a lot when it comes to certain investment opportunities. Oh, sure. Uh, things like that. Um, I think we're both generally on the same page in terms of how much money we have. So those are some good things. I don't know. What do you, what are your thoughts?

[00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: You know, it's funny. As soon as you start talking about money, especially, You know, with others in the room with us, so to speak, it's, uh, I get uncomfortable. Like I feel uncomfortable.

[00:00:56] Brandon Ware: I grew up with the understanding that talking about money was something you did not do. And it's becoming much more open now where people talk about how much money they make at work and how much money, um, I guess they, they want to have in the future and how much they currently have.

[00:01:10] Brandon Ware: But I did not grow up like that. You do not talk about money.

[00:01:13] Jess O'Reilly: No, and we, we do need that transparency because one, you know, exercise of power from people who do have money, who control the resources involves convincing everyone that we shouldn't talk about it so we don't know about their billions and whatnot.

[00:01:27] Jess O'Reilly: But I have to admit that it's definitely not in my background to talk about it. I can talk about it in specifics when it's relevant to the conversation. Like anytime I've done business with family, we've been very open, very straightforward about the projects themselves. But not about specifics that are personal.

[00:01:45] Jess O'Reilly: So I feel a little bit nervous, but we're going to get into it. So, okay. You said we're good at talking about certain things. What do we struggle with? Do you think?

[00:01:53] Brandon Ware: Sometimes I think that there's a difference in terms of where we want to spend our money and how we want to spend our money. [00:02:00] Um, so that's the first thing.

Would you rather give up sex or social media? The results from a new Canadian study may surprise you!

Jess and Brandon explore new research findings and answer a listener question about bellybutton fetishes -- the what, why and how.

Find Bloomi in a Target near you, or check out their website for your Bloomi needs.

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Sex Q&A, Alvinophilia & Sex vs. Social Media

Episode 330

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight today.

[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: We are going to be talking about social media. And sex. And you've got a question about belly button fetishes.

[00:00:24] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, really beautiful one. Okay, have you been on social media today?

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: Of course I have. Yes.

[00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: How soon after you wake up are you on social?

[00:00:33] Brandon Ware: Within the hour.

[00:00:34] Jess O'Reilly: Okay, that's not that soon. Yes. As soon as I get my phone, I'm like, I'm super important. Gotta scroll instagram.

[00:00:41] Brandon Ware: I'm not interested in opening up right away because I know I also don't feel good when I'm on social sites. Uh, if I'm on. Instagram, like, why am I there?

[00:00:51] Brandon Ware: If I'm there to, you know, to have a laugh or something like that, it's great. But what, what am I, what's the real issue? Like, why am I here?

[00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: I think you're there to, uh, look at dogs.

[00:01:00] Brandon Ware: Yes.

[00:01:00] Jess O'Reilly: Because your entire feed is dogs.

[00:01:02] Brandon Ware: If you look at my search feed, it's all dogs. And it's also people. Slipping and falling when they're surfing and like snowboarding and stuff like that.

[00:01:09] Jess O'Reilly: Shall we psychoanalyze that now?

[00:01:10] Brandon Ware: Yeah, really.

[00:01:11] Jess O'Reilly: Okay, so I bring, I bring up social media because this new Canadian study was published and in the study they looked at 750 participants between the ages of 16 and 30. So a little younger than us. Just a little. And they found that 8. 8% would rather give up sex than give up social media.

[00:01:29] Brandon Ware: Really?

[00:01:30] Jess O'Reilly: It's such, that's an easy one for me, sex or social media.

[00:01:32] Brandon Ware: You'd give it up.

[00:01:33] Jess O'Reilly: What?

[00:01:34] Brandon Ware: The sex.

[00:01:34] Jess O'Reilly: No, I wouldn't. You. Would you, would you give up sex or social media? No. Like, it's not even a thought for me.

[00:01:38] Brandon Ware: Not even a question. I'd, I'd give up social media in a heartbeat. I want to give up social media right now.

[00:01:43] Jess O'Reilly: I want to give up sex. No, just kidding. I got my fix. I'm good.

[00:01:47] Brandon Ware: Yeah.

[00:01:48] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. No, I, I mean, I'm on social media all the time. I definitely use it for work, but I use it for, I don't even want to say pleasure. It's just a distraction. for me, for the most part.

Looking for a quick exercise to offset the potentially harmful effects of conflict?

Jess & Brandon explore a 7-minute solution to support "cognitive reappraisal" as they share the details of their latest fight: the Popsicle incident.

In one study, three simple 7-minute writing interventions over the course of a year were shown to improve relationship quality in newlyweds and long-term couples alike. Have a listen to learn more and give it a try yourself to improve your relationship in just 21 minutes per year.

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Jess & Brandon's Latest Argument. And A 7-Minute Solution

Episode 329

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Today we're going to be diving into an exercise that just brought to my attention and asked us or asked me to define or what would you say? Write out, explain our most recent argument.

[00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: Yes, from a neutral perspective. So we're going to try an exercise that has been shown to lead to happier relationships, and it relates to conflict and how we view it. And so basically, Brendan and I wrote out Why are you laughing? How we view because honestly, I can't even finish a sentence because we had to describe our most recent conflict from a neutral perspective, and I think we sound ridiculous.

[00:00:55] Jess O'Reilly: Like speed bags. It's about popsicles. I was going to say that. The conflict is about, it's about chill pops.

[00:01:00] Brandon Ware: My headline for the, for this was the popsicle fight.

[00:01:04] Jess O'Reilly: Oh my gosh.

[00:01:04] Brandon Ware: I'm like, oh man.

[00:01:06] Jess O'Reilly: Okay, let me give you a bit of background on this exercise. So, you know, it comes from this study where researchers from four different universities were working with 120 couples over the course of two years.

[00:01:14] Jess O'Reilly: So some of these couples were newlyweds and some had been married for years. And during the first year of the study, all participants, all couples were assigned to write about the most significant marital conflict they had experienced in the previous four months. So they did this three times a year, and they were also collecting info on, you know, their relationship overall.

[00:01:34] Jess O'Reilly: So intimacy, trust, passion, commitment, satisfaction, and love. So that's what they did in the first year. They, three times a year, they wrote about their most significant marital conflict. After year one, the whole group was divided in two. So one group, the control group, kept doing the same activity that they did in the first year, wrote about their most significant conflict.

[00:01:52] Jess O'Reilly: But the second group, did an additional writing activity that took around seven minutes on average. And so the quote,

[00:02:00] each partner wrote about the conflict from the perspective of an impartial observer who wants the best for both partners. So they did this three times a year and apparently it made a really significant difference.

[00:02:12] Jess O'Reilly: Just writing about the conflict from a neu...

Do you struggle with rejection?
How does your response vary from the boardroom to the bedroom?
Do layers of your identity affect how you deal with rejection?

We surveyed our community regarding their experiences of rejection, and we shared their insights in this week’s episode. We think it’s a great one! Thank you to those who sent messages. We appreciate you.



Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS50 to save!

 

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.
12 Strategies to Manage Rejection
Intro: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight.
Dr. Jess: Hey, hey, we are running a repeat podcast today on the topic of rejection because it's, it's a week of rejection emails. If you're going to rejection, that's my jam. I'm totally, let's go. Let's do this. It's your specialty? Receiving rejection or rejecting others? Both. Oh, really? Okay. Anyhow, we received so many questions about dealing with rejection this week.
Sometimes these things come in waves and themes. And questions about rejection in and out of the bedroom. And a while back, we covered this topic, so we're gonna do it again, and I'm gonna share that episode with you, which is perfect for me, because we are down at my family reunion. Over 60 of us, Chinese [00:01:00] Jamaicans, Changs.
Brandon: This is where the rejection came in. I tried so hard to talk to people, but they just kept rejecting and not listening to me.
Dr. Jess: Well, my family's on transmit, not receive. Yeah, for sure. We talk more than we listen. Anyhow, we're down here, lots of distractions, lots of food, so much chaos, so much love, and I'm happy to get to enjoy it.
So, without further ado, we'll throw it back to, I think March 2022. Here you go.
Brandon: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.
Dr. Jess: Well, hello. Hello. We're going to be talking about rejection because we started talking about rejection last week by accident, sort of, and I got a lot of feedback actually on that episode and people had a lot of questions and maybe felt we didn't go as much into depth as we could have and also people shared their insights.
So today we're going to talk about how to handle rejection and potentially boost confidence and I have insights from over a dozen people. who sent short messages, longer messages and all really helpful stuff, actually.
Brandon: I feel like I did go very deep, [00:02:00] personally.
Dr. Jess: Oh, it was to be clear, people weren't complaining, they just kind of wanted more of it.
Oh, okay.
Brandon: Well, I mean, rejection is something that everybody deals with, so let's
Dr. Jess: do it. Yeah, and last week, actually, we talked about the fact that you don't feel badly when I reject you sexually. It's when it's otherwise. Mm hmm, yes. Yeah, and that's really interesting because one of the first comments I received, and then I received a number along this theme, is around why women can say no to sex, but when a guy says no, it's absurd or crazy, and there were a bunch of other kind of descriptions there.
And it really does speak to these gender double standards that are rooted in, I think, social capital around,

Rejection is a life skill. This week, Jess and Brandon revisit a previous conversation about how to deal with someone who pulls away without explanation. They share their own experiences, and weigh in on how to manage the "in-between" when you're not together but haven't quite split up.



Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save!

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to Manage Rejection Part 1

Episode 327

[00:00:00] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we are running a repeat podcast today on the topic of rejection because it's, it's a week of rejection emails.

[00:00:10] Brandon Ware: If you're going to rejection, that's my jam. I'm totally like, let's go. Let's do this.

[00:00:14] Jess O'Reilly: It's your specialty, receiving rejection or rejecting others.

[00:00:17] Brandon Ware: Both.

[00:00:18] Jess O'Reilly: Oh, really? Okay. Uh, anyhow, we received so many questions about dealing with rejection this week.

[00:00:23] Jess O'Reilly: Sometimes these things come in waves and themes and questions about rejection in and out of the bedroom. And a while back, we covered this topic. So we're going to do it again. And I'm going to share that episode with you, which is perfect for me because we are down at my family reunion. Over 60 of us, Chinese Jamaicans, Changs.

[00:00:40] Brandon Ware: This is where the rejection came in. I tried so hard to talk to people, but they just kept rejecting and not listening to me.

[00:00:46] Jess O'Reilly: Well, my family's on transmit, not receive. We talk more than we listen. Anyhow, we're down here. Lots of distractions, lots of food, so much chaos. So much love and I'm happy to get to enjoy it.

[00:00:57] Jess O'Reilly: So without further ado, we'll throw it back to I think March 2022. Here you go.

[00:01:07] Jess O'Reilly: You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:01:16] Brandon Ware: Welcome to sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other Dr. Jess.

[00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: Hello. I'm glad you've stopped making those ASMR sounds. I can do it again for everyone. It's really creepy, your tongue ASMR sounds.

[00:01:36] Jess O'Reilly: I like the sound. There you go. It's the look of your tongue coming out of your mouth I don't like. That's not the point. Ah, well tonight... We're having a quickie. It's the way I like it. I know. Cool brag. Cool, cool brag, bro. We're going to be talking about dating and what to do when someone pulls away. So not when they ghost you, but when they kind of back out out of nowhere.

[00:01:57] Jess O'Reilly: So I did this interview. And people had sent [00:02:00] in this hodgepodge of questions. Hodgepodge? You're 90. Smorgasbord of questions about what to do when a love interest pulls back out of nowhere. So they said, for example, you're hitting it off and then all of a sudden things change. Text messages are sparser.

[00:02:15] Jess O'Reilly: They used to text every day. They don't initiate contact like they used to, but they still respond to you or they're answering with like one word. Whereas they used to call and, you know,

A pregnant listener wants to know how to deal with hurt feelings; after her partner; interrupted a conversation to check out another woman. Jess and Brandon share their thoughts on how to deal with sensitive issues like body insecurity, affirmations and feelings of un-attractiveness during pregnancy and throughout life's transitions.



Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Attraction & Body Image: Communication for Couples

Episode 326

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight.

[00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess, and today we are talking about body insecurity and how we respond to our partners when they make requests.

[00:00:27] Brandon Ware: I mean, it sounds like it would be very simple, but

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: there's always nuance, isn't there?

[00:00:31] Brandon Ware: Always.

[00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. So we received a question from a woman who says she's pregnant with her third child. She's been with her partner for many years, and here's what she says. I've been entrusting him with my physical insecurities during this pregnancy, and I find it hard.

[00:00:47] Jess O'Reilly: to see my body change in this way. So we were at the pool the other day, with our kids, and we were having this face to face conversation with, when suddenly, kind of mid conversation, he checks out this other woman getting out of the pool, in a very obvious way, very much in front of my face, so I'm feeling very hurt from this incident, because I've been really open about how I'm feeling about myself, and his attraction towards me, and I don't really know how to address this.

[00:01:12] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah, why don't you go?

[00:01:14] Brandon Ware: You want me to start? I mean, okay, maybe he's a dick. Whoa. Maybe. Well, I mean, maybe it was also, he noticed something. I mean, I feel like in this circumstance, you got to pay attention to your partner and their request. They're saying, I need this from you. I feel this way. And I feel like perhaps this person didn't listen.

[00:01:34] Brandon Ware: Isn't heeding their advice. Yeah. Heeding like, and responding to their request.

[00:01:38] Jess O'Reilly: Yeah. I'm thinking about folks who are going to say like, Oh, well you're responsible for your feelings, but come on. That's not the whole picture. Right. Right. I think we also. I know we have to be considerate of other people's feelings like we're not responsible for our partner's feelings entirely that but that doesn't mean we can't hurt their feelings you know if you're mid sentence with me and you stop paying attention not just to check someone out but just period I'm gonna have some [00:02:00] feelings if you stand me up I'm gonna have some feelings if you greet me with a big smile I'm likewise gonna have some feelings in response to you right so we say oh people are responsible for their own feelings but we don't live in a in a vacuum so um You know, if I've already told you that I'm feeling out of touch,

Have you encountered scammers while dating online or in person? We received this query from a loyal listener:

"I started dating after divorce (I was married way too young at 19 years old, I’m 28 now), and I’m devastated after being scammed. He took over 20K from me, which I know is not as bad as some of the stories in the media, but it’s a lot for me. The worst part is I really did love him, and now I’m nervous to even; date again. I live in a smaller town, so online is really my only option unless I want to date someone from my high school who has already dated half of my family. I’m exaggerating, but for real online dating is my only option. How do I make sure; this doesn’t happen again, and also; how do I deal with the embarrassment? I’ve had to move home with my parents (I’m lucky we get along so well), but I haven’t told anyone why."

Romance scams are more common and sophisticated than you may think. According to the Federal Trade Commission in the USA, in 2022, nearly 70,000 people reported a romance scam with losses of $1.3 billion. And it's growing year over year.

The Canadian Anti-Fraud Centre received 1,928 reports of romance scams totalling $64,604,718 in losses, compared to 1,546 reports and $28,989,750 in losses in 2020. An estimated 5% of victims report romance scams, so this number is much higher in reality.

Jess and Brandon share their perspectives on how to date with confidence and protect yourself in the changing dating landscape.



Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Romance Scams & How To Date Safely

Episode 325

[00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm Brandon, your cohost here with the lovely Dr. Jess.

[00:00:19] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, I'm a new woman today.

[00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Why is that?

[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: Because I discovered the excitement of an electric bicycle.

[00:00:27] Brandon Ware: It's, it's, it's a whole new world.

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: For the whole bike ride yesterday, I was like, this is a whole new world. Did you hear me screaming it?

[00:00:35] Brandon Ware: Is it because you didn't actually ride the bike?

[00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: No, so I didn't know that these electric bikes, you just touch the pedal and then they move for you. So I'm not good on a bicycle. Yeah, we know that. Yeah, like I get on a bicycle for 10 minutes and I'm in pain and I know that I need to get like my pelvic floor fixed, but I've torn my hamstrings so many times that something about sitting on a bike doesn't work for me.

[00:00:57] Jess O'Reilly: Like I usually rollerblade next to my friend Mel who cycles and I have to bust my ass on blades and I have no problem with that. But the. Bicycle hurts my butt.

[00:01:05] Brandon Ware: Yeah, no, it's not. My sits bones hurt today.

[00:01:08] Jess O'Reilly: Until yesterday, because it's still hurt to sit on it. But anyhow, you just touch the pedal and the bike moves for you.

How does your relationship affect desire and libido?
How do you rekindle connection and desire after breaking up and then reuniting?
How do you rebuild trust when you get back together?

In this episode, we respond to a listener question: her partner left her and then returned, and now she's dealing with low libido and painful sex. We discuss the complexities of rekindling desire, reigniting the flame and rebuilding trust.

Don't forget to go back and listen to these related episodes:

Painful Sex: It's Not In Your Head
How To Get Your Libido Back



If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:

 

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Q&A Quickie: Sexual Desire & Painful Sex

Episode 324

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey, we've got a quickie episode for you, babe. How are you doing today?

[00:00:19] Brandon Ware: I'm awesome. Thank you. How are you?

[00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: I'm good. I'm good. We are in the heat of summer. We're in Barcelona, our now second home.

[00:00:27] Brandon Ware: It's hot and it's hot.

[00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: I guess it's our first home now, but the streets are super packed with tourists. Of course. It's a really young city. Like, I definitely am on the, I feel like I'm on the older side here. I don't know when that happened. You wake up one day and then you're old.

[00:00:43] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I mean, yes. Welcome to my world.

[00:00:46] Jess O'Reilly: Young people here for a ton of music festivals, right?

[00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: I feel like there's just a music festival every weekend here, and so I stumble trying, trying to be one of the cool kids. I never go to the music festival, so no. I'm like, I'm in bed before they start dinner here in Barcelona. They eat dinner at 11 o'clock at night.

[00:01:01] Brandon Ware: Yeah, you gotta gotta find that early.

[00:01:03] Brandon Ware: It's kinda like being in Florida.

[00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: I need the senior special. Absolutely. Well, actually it's weird. It's easy to adjust to the lifestyle here, I've found, because the sun goes down at like 10 o'clock at night.

[00:01:13] Brandon Ware: Yeah. I feel ridiculous when I'm wrapping up my day getting ready for bed and I can hear kids playing inside.

[00:01:19] Jess O'Reilly: But it's also, I find we end up going to dinner later because it's so bright out, right? Like seven and eight o'clock at night. Everything's. Alive, sort of like the Sanka set, like the um, after work thing back, back in Toronto and in North America. But I was thinking about music festivals because you see, um, every weekend there seems to be a change of attire on the streets.

[00:01:40] Jess O'Reilly: Cuz I guess different festivals attract different demographics and there tends to be a look, right? Like when you think about Coachella, there's a look,

Why do we develop fetishes and kinks like heirophilia and small penis humiliation?
How do you tell a partner about a specific desire, fantasy or kink?
What are the costs of not opening up about a kink or fetish?
If you’re into something and they’re not, how can you bridge the gap?

Carli DeVille, the ultimate guide to all things tantalizing and titillating, joins us to answer these questions are much more. As a sexologist, licensed psychotherapist, and relationship coach, Carli specializes in kinks, fetishes, sissification, and domination training. With their unapologetically flirty approach and extensive expertise, they help individuals and couples navigate their deepest desires and embrace their naughty side. Carli's passion for empowering others to celebrate their sexuality shines through in their role as the captivating host of the Naughtylicious Sex Podcast.

Here, they delve into sizzling topics, address intriguing intimacy issues, and ignite open conversations about everything from the every day to the forbidden. When they're not offering sex coaching or hosting their podcast - Carli can be found captivating their YouTube audience with their magnetic personality and salacious advice. Whether it's discussing the latest sex trends or providing guidance on spicing up your love life, Carli's wit and charm keep viewers coming back for more. As your guide to unlocking hidden pleasures and unleashing your inner vixen, Carli DeVille is the perfect companion on your journey to a more passionate, fulfilling, and deliciously naughty life. No question is too naughty, and no fantasy is too wild for this audacious expert.

So go ahead, dare to explore, and let Carli show you the way with their irresistible wit, charm, and naughty sense of humour. Follow Carli online, on YouTube, and the Naughtylicious Podcast (Apple Podcast or Spotify). Also, be sure to check out their brand - new book.

This episode is brought to you by Desire Cruises - a unique experience for adventurous couples! Join us as we cruise to the Greek Isles in August and the South of France next Spring 2024.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to Explore Kinks & Fetishes

Episode 322

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you Can Use Tonight.

[00:00:13] Jess O'Reilly: Today we are talking kinks and fetishes, and this is gonna be a good one. We've talked about kinks and fetishes before, and just as a brief, Brief recap. Kink generally refers to anything unconventional, which of course, you know what's unconventional for me may not be unconventional to you.

[00:00:29] Jess O'Reilly: It might be your regular Monday afternoon routine. And fetishism different than kink generally refers to an actual need for a specific act or object to be present in order to experience arousal and satisfaction. So again, kink is more of a preference, and then fetishism tends to be more of a strong, strong preference or need.

[00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: And here to help us break it down. We have sexologist and psychotherapist, Carly Deville, host of the Naughty Licious Sex podcast, and author of a book by the same name, Naty Licious. And first and foremost, tell us all about your brand new book.

When is it okay to pass gas in front of a new partner?
Is it ever okay to snoop in their messages?
Should you ask about their past?
When should you introduce kids to a new partner?

We don't have their answers, but we share our imperfect thoughts on your "when is it okay to...?" questions.

Get 15% off with by using the Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Q&A Quickie: Passing Gas, Snooping & Ex-Lovers

Episode 321

You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:14] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon here with my Love. The other half, Dr. Jess.

[00:00:20] Jess O'Reilly: Hey. Hey, today's a quickie.

[00:00:22] Brandon Ware: Yeah, I love quickies.

[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: You do love a quickie. Just get it over, wham. Bam. Thank you, ma'am.

[00:00:26] Brandon Ware: Yeah, just when there's time constraints, I'm down.

[00:00:28] Jess O'Reilly: All right. So we are, we're on the road this week, so we're gonna keep it kind of short, but I think it's an interesting topic. I've been trying to kind of group together some of the questions that come in for the podcast thematically, and today is about timing.

[00:00:41] Jess O'Reilly: Relationship milestones. So when is it okay to fart in front of your partner? When is it okay to introduce kids to a new partner? When is it okay to snoop on your partner's phone, et cetera, et cetera. I'm sure you have some thoughts on those. I do. Uh, but before we dive into that, I wanted to quickly talk about a study that's sort of relevant, not sort of extremely relevant to you and me, and, uh, let's make it about us.

[00:01:06] Jess O'Reilly: This is a study outta Michigan that found that one in five adults do not plan on ever having children.

[00:01:13] Brandon Ware: I found that number very high initially when you said it to me. 20% seems a lot higher than I I, I think the general population, but again, this is representative of the entire. Us?

[00:01:24] Jess O'Reilly: Well, yeah,

[00:01:24] Brandon Ware: that it's a sample.

[00:01:25] Jess O'Reilly: So this is a sample out of Michigan. But what they said in the study is that the, it's a state whose population is representative of the US more generally in terms of demographics. So it's a, it's a, it's a good sample and so they consider it nationally representative and 20% not having kids. Now, that sounds really high, but if you look around us, especially in our closest friend circle, so many of us don't have kids.

[00:01:50] Brandon Ware: I mean, I, I, the last studies in Canada that I read, I think our birth rate was neutral. Without immigration, we would be alright. It might actually be negative, but I think we'd be [00:02:00] du our country would be shrinking.

[00:02:01] Jess O'Reilly: Shrinking. Yeah. And our land is just like massive. We need some people. Well, we're bringing a lot, which is great. We need people to come in and, uh, yeah. Cuz you know, jerks like us aren't having kids.

[00:02:11] Brandon Ware: Yeah. Yeah.

What are swallowing disorders?
Who can benefit from the support of a Swallowologist?
Can you learn to control your gag reflex?
What do therapists need to learn from SLPs?

Scientist and professor; Dr. Ianessa Humbert joins Jess and Brandon to address these questions and more.

Dr.Humbert has been on faculty at the Johns Hopkins School of Medicine, the University of Florida, and the University of Iowa. She has also co-founded a range of online learning tools including STEP (Swallowing Training and Education Portal), lovingly known as Swallowing Netflix. The content from Dr. Humbert’s courses are supported by scientific evidence from her laboratory, from the larger body of research literature, and of course, common sense!

Follow along and learn more about her work on Instagram and Twitter.



Get 15% off with by using the Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Swallowing, Gag Reflexes & SLPs

Episode 320

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

[00:00:21] Jess O'Reilly: Happy to be back on solid ground. I bet you are. Yeah. The, the world is still moving for me. After getting off the cruise,

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: how long does that last for you?

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: For most people, it lasts like a day or two for me, I'm, I'm still going in, I, I don't know if it's because I feel like I'm swaying back and forth gently, like I'm still on the boat, but also just spending a week with so many happy couples. On the desire cruise. I just can't stop reflecting on all the lessons, all the conversations.

[00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: It's kind of interesting, right? Rather than having, you know, intense sessions with individuals or individual couples. You talk to so many people over breakfast, lunch, dinner, walks in the port, and the big lesson, my big takeaway, and I've been posting about this on Instagram with more specificity. My big takeaway from the whole cruise and all these couples is do not wait.

[00:01:10] Jess O'Reilly: Like act now in your relationships, but also in life. If you're unhappy, don't assume that things will get better. Don't leave it the first sign, but also don't stick around or stay quiet because what, what we're hearing is, you know, you'll blink and 2, 4, 10, 20 years pass you by. And on the flip side, you know, kind of off the cruise from other people.

[00:01:31] Jess O'Reilly: I'm hearing from so many people right now who are. Unhappy in their relationships. I mean, to the point that they're down so much of the time, like they can't focus on work because they're preoccupied with conflict or hurt or stress or betrayal in their relationships. And what I'm really saying seeing is that they don't wanna face it.

[00:01:49] Jess O'Reilly: You know? So they focus on their kids instead, and there's an avoidance. They're really not ready for either the tough conversations or in many cases, the tough decision, right? [00:02:00] This is what I'm seeing. So the decision is,

Curious about anal pleasure and rimming? Luna Matatas has you covered. She shares tips for oral, seduction, confidence and more.

Luna Matatas is a Sex and Pleasure Educator with over 15 years of experience teaching sex and empowerment workshops. She celebrates body confidence, self-adoration and building shame-free pleasure in and out of the bedroom. She teaches 30+ sexy skills topics - including threesomes, BDSM and sexual confidence. She created Peg the Patriarchy® and Meditate Medicate Masturbate® brands as part of her sex-positive and feminist merchandise.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Backdoor Pleasure with Luna Matatas

Episode 319

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and Relationship Advice you Can Use Tonight.

[00:00:15] Brandon Ware: I love Zeik belt. It's a belt zk accent is not good. So I am trying, you know, the bird, the hair on the chin is, uh, It's a build of z

[00:00:27] Jess O'Reilly: dicks. If you try and order an oat milk latte in Paris, what do they say?

[00:00:32] Jess O'Reilly: No,

[00:00:33] Brandon Ware: no milk. The animal with the tea,

[00:00:38] Jess O'Reilly: if it eat from a tea, it's not milk. Milk

[00:00:41] Brandon Ware: is not milk. It's O water.

[00:00:45] Jess O'Reilly: It's o, o,

[00:00:46] Brandon Ware: o o o o

[00:00:48] Jess O'Reilly: o. Folks. I don't know how we got here.

[00:00:52] Brandon Ware: This is the Sex with Z. Yes. Podcast. Anna. I'm sorry, I, I default back to my original language and the is here today. She drew the penis on my Chapelle.

[00:01:13] Brandon Ware: I'm sorry, my head.

[00:01:15] Jess O'Reilly: Today we're at the Sexology Summit in DC and Luna took a picture of Brandon to post on Instagram, and I don't know why she put so many eggplant on his head. Was

[00:01:25] Brandon Ware: very many eggplants I not enjoyed very much.

[00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: What is the perfect amount of dicks on your head? Um, in

[00:01:32] Brandon Ware: this particular instance, it was perhaps southern

[00:01:37] Jess O'Reilly: Exactly.

[00:01:38] Jess O'Reilly: Is it seven? Cuz ice cream doesn't have

[00:01:40] Brandon Ware: bones because Yes, that is correct. And oats do not have tits to milk. No oat milk.

[00:01:46] Jess O'Reilly: Listen, our job as podcast host is, you know, it's really to make our guests shine, but this is all the Brandon show. I'm okay with this. Welcome today. who are gonna tune out of this just to get away from your voice.

[00:01:59] Jess O'Reilly: So [00:02:00] Luna Matata is here. She's a superstar. You're an absolute superstar. Anytime. I can't. Make something, or even if I don't think I'm right, the right fit for it, Luna is my number one pick to stand in and every client raves about her. Every brand is thrilled with her. And you have basically a gazillion webinars online.

[00:02:22] Jess O'Reilly: Everything from Eat Pussy, like a Champ to dominant skills. Do you do anything on submission?

[00:02:27] Luna Matatas: I do. I have sexy skills for submissive and dirty talk for submissives. Hmm.

Performance pressure can affect pleasure and sexual response from the desire to erections to orgasms and more. In this episode, Jess and Brandon discuss:

The most common sources of performance pressure
How to talk to a partner about your experience with performance pressure
Strategies to reduce pressure and increase pleasure
Mindful touch exercises to offset the symptoms of performance pressure
Techniques to tune into pleasure



Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Get Over Performance Anxiety

Episode 318

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Oh, way to start the podcast. So you knew what I was doing. Yeah, of course I did. I'm making the cruise sound because we're heading out on a cruise tomorrow.

[00:00:30] And that's, isn't that the sound They le they they make when they leave point. It's mine. It's not the tutut little engine that could woo your Sounds like a donkey. No, yours sounds like a donkey. You've heard a donkey go-to too? No. What you just did. You were he, have you ever ridden a donkey? Probably, yeah.

[00:00:46] When? When I was a kid. I don't know why there were always donkeys in Jamaica to ride. No. Like they'd come by and try and get you to ride the donkey and, but did they say it was a horse? No, I don't know what they said, but there was definitely a donkey and I remember I never had on clothes. So all the pictures of just are genocide.

[00:01:02] Naked? Not naked. I had on underwear. Oh, okay. Um, on a donkey. I'm gonna pull up those pictures. Make it the, the profile picture. Profile picture for this, for this one, for this episode. Anyhow, we're heading out on the Venice Rome Cruise with Desire Resorts Clothing optional. I'm there for work, which means I'll be hosting a couple couples workshops.

[00:01:20] Will you be riding a donkey topless? Listen, if you wanna ride a donkey topless. Desire cruise, that is the place to do it. Well, actually, on the last cruise, we were on a cruise with them a few months ago, and we were, we went through the Greek aisles. And if anyone's ever been to Santorini, you know, there's a couple of ways to get up the hill when you dock at the bottom.

[00:01:40] So you can walk mostly through donkey crap. You can, which is what we did. Which is what we did. Yes, yes. Because there was a six hour line to take the, uh, the funicular, or I don't know what you call it. Some sort of cable car. Yeah, there's a line for the cable car or you can take the donkeys, but I didn't have like five euros, so we walked up through the donkey poo.

[00:01:58] It would be [00:02:00] very sexy if somebody had had taken off their top and wrote it up. This switchback mountains. Side full of donkey crap. There was no, there was nothing sexy about it. Do you remember? It was so incredibly hot and it smelled like poopoo. Yeah, we got, but then you got back on the boat and the boat was sexy.

[00:02:17] The boat was amazing, and I have to stop calling it a boat.

Curious about how to overcome sexual repression and boost sexual self-esteem? Dr. Tara has you covered. She joins Jess to share her personal story of sexual empowerment -- from shame to She also shares tips to improve sexual communication even if your partner isn't 100% on board.

Dr. Tara is a Los Angeles-based sex and relationship expert, a tenured professor of sexual and relational communication (CSUF), and the viral sex ed creator at Luvbites.

Stay up to date with Dr. Tara by following her on her social media accounts. (TikTok, Instagram, Twitter). And take a listen the podcast Luvbites by Dr. Tara



Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Improve Sexual Self-Esteem & Communication

Episode 317

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:16] Jess O'Reilly: Hey, hey. I am without Brandon today, but I am going to be interviewing in just a moment. The fabulous Dr. Tara. She's a tenured professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton. She was tenured at a very young age at 33. She is an award-winning. Researcher, a sex and relationship coach.

[00:00:36] Jess O'Reilly: She is the host of Love Bys by Dr. Tara podcast, and there she focuses on sexual wellness and sex exploration. Her work is featured in all sorts of media. I've seen her on K T L A News, Cosmo Women's Health Magazine, insider, and many more. And I'm excited to have this conversation and learn more about sexual self-esteem and sexual communication.

[00:00:58] Jess O'Reilly: Dr. Tara, thank you so, so much for being here. I watch you from afar on Instagram, on TikTok. I know you have, you have a master's, you have a doctorate in interpersonal communication. Uh, tell me a bit about your story. How did you end up working in sexual communication?

[00:01:14] Dr. Tara: Thank you so much for having me. I'm really excited I follow you from afar as well, Dr.

[00:01:18] Dr. Tara: Jess. So I'm really excited to be here. Well, my story really started, we have to start it from the very beginning. I am originally from Thailand, Bangkok. Have you been? I've

[00:01:29] Jess O'Reilly: been, I love it. I have family there. It's one of my favorite cities. Like I prefer the city to the beaches. Yeah.

[00:01:36] Dr. Tara: I swear people that know how to do Bangkok really love Bangkok.

[00:01:40] Dr. Tara: So that's where I grew up. I went to an all girls Catholic school in Thailand where you know, As a woman, uh, you learn early on in life that your body is something that you shouldn't, like advertise or be confident about. Uh, because we wore these [00:02:00] uniforms and our skirt has to cover our knees. Because, you know, knees are sexy.

[00:02:05] Jess O'Reilly: Every time I see a knee, I'm like, I wanna lick that thing.

[00:02:09] Dr. Tara: Yeah. So our skirt had to cover our knees, and if the skirt doesn't cover the knees, we get hit on the hands. Oh. So imagine being like eight years old. That's first grade. Right. And that was your learning about your body.

Curious about what other people get up to behind closed doors and online? Carly from AURORE is here to share. She collects confessional sex stories submitted by people from all over the world. Tune in for her story and; a sampling of real-life literary (and audial) erotica.

Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:

Real-Life Sex Confessions: AURORE

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hello. Are you looking for a new job? Are you in the market for a new career? It depends what it is.

[00:00:27] What are you selling me? Well, I'm proposing you try out for the Orgasm Advisory Board for love, honey. I'm, I'm intrigued. Tell me more. So they're looking to hire a diverse group of 10 sex toy testers from all experience levels. So from somebody who has all the sex toys, which is pretty much you, to somebody who's brand new and every.

[00:00:50] Thing and everybody in between. In between. So they're looking to improve basically the quality and inclusivity of their products over at Love Honey. And that's really why, why I'm here today. I'm here in Toronto because there's an event in Toronto. They're going on the road. Basically, they're taking this not antique road show on the road to 16 different cities where we're going to be recruiting sex toy testers and doing a bunch of games and giveaways and stuff on the street as well.

[00:01:14] But hold on, it's a real job. It's a job. I don't wanna mess up the details, but it pays a thousand dollars. For the year and every month you get around, okay, around $250 of sex toys that you test out and you provide feedback. I, I would 100% apply for this job. Are you going to, can I put in hold? You get paid to touch yourself and they're gonna send you toys to help you touch yourself.

[00:01:36] That's exactly. That's it. Get paid for pleasure. They were in New York, I think over the weekend, this past weekend and this weekend they're heading to Austin, Texas. They're heading to Toronto, Ontario, which is where I'm going to be. They're also gonna be in Denver, Colorado, San Francisco, uh, Phoenix. And then next weekend they're in Philadelphia.

[00:01:55] I'm kind of mad that I won't be there. I wish I could be in Philadelphia and next weekend they'll also be in [00:02:00] Chicago and Montreal. And Las Vegas and Seattle and Atlanta and Miami and Houston. And then they're heading to Cheyenne, Wyoming. And I think, you know, the reason they've picked these markets has to do with the way people are purchasing sex toys.

[00:02:14] And I think that Wyoming one was, uh, at the bottom of the list in terms of per capita sex toy investments. So they need people to step up their game In, in what city again? Cheyenne, Wyoming, Cheyenne. There you go. If you're there, message me. I'm gonna get you a toy. I'm getting kicked. Yeah. Anyhow, if you are in Toronto this weekend, come on down.

[00:02:33] I'm gonna be Saturday afternoon somewhere near the skydome, and we're gonna be, there's gonna be a whole recruitment team there. I'm not a part of the recruitment team. I'm there, you know, helping with any interviews or any questions that people have and there's games and there are probably going to be, Free vibrators if you participate.

[00:02:49] So That's amazing. Yeah, that's amazing. They sign me up. Well, there are only nine spots left cuz Brandon just took one. I just took, yes. I think it's a conflict of interest.

Are your sleep habits adversely affecting your relationships?
Is a lack of sleep affecting your sex life?
Do you want to sleep better and wake up rested?

Board-certified sleep expert Ellen Wermter joins us to share her top tips for a better night's sleep and why sleep is essential to happy relationships.

Ellen Wermter is a Board Certified Family Nurse Practitioner through the American Nurses Credentialing Center and a member of Sigma Theta Tau National Honor Society. She earned her Bachelor of Science in Nursing at the University of Virginia and her Masters of Science at Virginia Commonwealth University; and is a member of the Virginia Council of Nurse Practitioners (VCNP). Ellen is a dedicated sleep professional both board-certified in behavioral sleep medicine (DBSM) as well as being certified in cognitive behavioral therapy for insomnia and who actively treats patients full-time. In her free time, Ellen prefers to be outside in nature - and stays active running; and practicing yoga. She lives on a farm with her husband and four children - where she grows apple trees and keeps honeybees. She also enjoys singing loudly in the car and rarely gets the lyrics right.

Check out the BetterSleep.Org to learn more about the Better Sleep Council. Stay up to date with the Better Sleep Council by following them on their social media from Twitter to their Instagram accounts.



Save with code PODCAST on the Mindful Sex Course on the Happier Couples website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to improve sleep for better relationships (and better sex)

Episode 315

[00:00:00] You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:15] Jessica O'Reilly: Hey, babe, are you well rested? No, I am not. When was the last time you felt well rested?

[00:00:21] Brandon Ware: It's been a very long time. I can't remember the last time I woke up and felt refreshed. I don't think I ever wake up and feel refreshed.

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: You know, some people wake up and they spring outta bed. Me, I fall outta bed because I'm still

[00:00:33] Jessica O'Reilly: asleep. So Did you have a good sleep last night? I slept well, but not very long. Yeah, it was a little bit of an nap. We had an early morning flight today.

[00:00:40] Brandon Ware: Yeah, we did. When was the, here's the real question. When did you last have a full night's sleep where you felt well

[00:00:45] Jessica O'Reilly: rested?

[00:00:46] Jessica O'Reilly: Okay, so I do sometimes feel well rested, but I swear I don't

[00:00:49] Brandon Ware: sleep. Oh my God, you 100%. You don't sleep. I like

[00:00:53] Jessica O'Reilly: sleep with one eye open.

[00:00:55] Brandon Ware: You're like a dog. You always got one eye open.

[00:00:57] Jessica O'Reilly: Yeah. Just to see what, what happens next. Don't miss anything. We're gonna be talking about how sleep affects our overall health, our relational health, sexual health, all that jazz.

[00:01:06] Jessica O'Reilly: We have an expert because I am the anti expert, not anti expert. I'm the antithesis of an expert when it comes to sleep.

Family lawyer Justin Lee sees relationships and marriages from both sides: couples come to him before they get married (or move in together) and when the relationship has come to an end. His perspective offers a view of the good, the bad and the ugly. He joins Jess and Brandon to discuss:

The benefits of prenups & marital contracts
Why marriages fall apart
Why all couples should talk to a divorce lawyer before getting married
Infidelity clauses
Why he still believes in true love despite seeing so many breakups

 

https://www.sexwithdrjess.com/wp-content/uploads/IG2-Marriage-Advice-from-a-Divorce-Lawyer.mp4

 

Justin is a Toronto-based family & divorce lawyer. He is a graduate of the University of Toronto Law School and is a founder of his own family law firm, JLEE Family Law. He practices in all areas of family law, including high-conflict parenting disputes, complex property issues, domestic contracts, and child and spousal support. You might know him better as the divorce lawyer or “jleejd” on TikTok and Instagram, where he posts divorce-related content to over 450,000 followers across both platforms.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Marriage Advice From A Divorce Lawyer

Episode 314 - Marriage Advice From A Divorce Lawyer

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware and I'm very excited. For today's conversation because we are gonna be speaking with Justin Lee, who is a divorce lawyer, gonna be giving us his take on relationships and relationship advice.

[00:00:30] So we're gonna start right off. Justin, a Toronto based family and divorce lawyer. He's a graduate of the university Toronto's Law School, a founder of his own family law firm, Jay Lee, family Law. He practices all areas of family law, including high conflict parenting disputes, complex property issues, domestic contracts, and child and spousal sup.

[00:00:49] Port, but you might know him better as the divorce lawyer or j Lee JD on TikTok and Instagram where he posts divorce related content to over 450,000 followers. I'm one of those followers, so am I. I'm one of 450,000 and I, I gotta say, I really like Justin's perspective, his insights on Instagram, so I'm excited to dive just a little bit deeper because of course you're getting short form.

[00:01:14] Content on those platforms and it, it's interesting because I think everyone in the public eye these days, all the influencers, everyone has something to say about relationships, which I actually think is fabulous. I think it's really cool to hear so many perspectives. I do think the challenge is when people either pass off their experience as expertise.

[00:01:31] Or assume that their experience can be globalized or is universal. That's when I get into kind of murky waters in that space. But, uh, Justin to me is the exception. I've kind of gone through all of his content I've been following for a while, and, uh, man, the relationship advice or insights really are really sound.

[00:01:48] So I'm excited to dive a little deeper into this conversation now. Thank you so much for being here. Um,

In this quickie episode, Jess and Brandon reflect upon a recent argument and share three conversations to address relationship issues. They share their personal perspectives and delve into the importance of addressing three main points when you're struggling: 

1. Why you want to work on the relationship 

2. How you're feeling vs how you want to feel 

3. What you want & what you're willing to compromise 

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

3 Conversations To Save A Relationship: Why? How? What?

[00:00:00] You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.

[00:00:16] Brandon Ware: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

[00:00:22] Jess O'Reilly: Well, hello. I have a question for you. How. How are your stress levels right now? I'm

[00:00:28] Brandon Ware: feeling pretty good. Not very high.

[00:00:30] Jess O'Reilly: Really? Yeah. On a one to 10 today I'm like a three. Okay. What's your baseline?

[00:00:36] Brandon Ware: A seven. No, that's what I was gonna say. Uh, the last six months, probably

[00:00:42] Jess O'Reilly: like a five. Okay. And lifetime? Like adult lifetime?

[00:00:45] Brandon Ware: Adult lifetime, probably. Yeah. Probably like a six to seven.

[00:00:49] Jess O'Reilly: Oh man. Yeah.

[00:00:51] Brandon Ware: Okay. I didn't realize before how high my baseline was until I started to pay attention to it. And, you know, recognizing some of the feelings that I would feel on a regular basis.

[00:01:01] Brandon Ware: The, the, you know, the butterflies in my stomach. I was like, oh, it's I'm hungry, or it's whatever. No, it's like, man, this is

[00:01:05] Jess O'Reilly: stress and has your, Stress overall come down over the last few years as you become more aware of that? Uh,

[00:01:11] Brandon Ware: yes it has, but I mean, it's obviously spiked at different points because of different things that have happened.

[00:01:15] Brandon Ware: Like I remember, you know, the uncertainty when the, the pandemic first started, like, yeah, I was a bit more stressed out. I remember having some pretty intense dreams those first like four or five weeks or six weeks of the pandemic when it started. Um, and then there have been other things that have happened over the last handful of years that have caused pretty significant spike in stress.

[00:01:33] Brandon Ware: But today you're three.

[00:01:34] Jess O'Reilly: Today I'm a three man. Why are you feeling

[00:01:36] Brandon Ware: good? You know, I don't know. I woke up early, got in, um, did a bit of work, and then got in a good workout, which I wasn't expecting. Mm-hmm. And, uh, after a six hour

[00:01:46] Jess O'Reilly: time change Last

[00:01:47] Brandon Ware: night. After, yeah, after like a really big time change and, uh, just in a general good mood.

[00:01:53] Brandon Ware: So I'm just gonna keep rolling with it. Well, I'm

[00:01:55] Jess O'Reilly: here to ruin it. No, just kidding. What? Thank you. No, there just seems to be a lot of stress [00:02:00] in the w...

Is scheduling sex a good idea?
And how do you deal with a partner - who is struggling with erection issues?
Is avoidance of sex but engagement with porn an indication of a Madonna-whore complex?

We discuss all this and more with the therapist Kat Kova.

Don't forget to check out the Womanizer Starlet, which is on sale this week & you can save an EXTRA 15% with code DRJESS15.



Kat Kova is currently; a Ph.D. student in the Social and Personality Psychology Program at York University. She holds a Master of Science Degree in the Couple & Family Therapy Program from the University of Guelph, an Honours BA Degree in Psychology from York University and a Certificate in Sexuality Studies from York University. She is an Associate Member of BESTCO (Board of Examiners of Sex Therapy and Counselling in Ontario) and has completed the Sex Therapy Intensive Training at the University of Guelph. She is trained in Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT), Solution-Focused Therapy (SFT), Narrative Therapy and mindfulness approaches and personalizes treatment according to your specific needs and the concerns you wish to address.

Kat is also trained in embodied experiential dreamwork practices, an effective treatment for alleviating suffering from trauma-related nightmares and PTSD symptoms.

Learn more on the Kat Kova Therapy website.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Scheduling Sex, Erectile Issues & Sexual Avoidance

00:02
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

00:17
Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Good morning. It is 10.45 on a Monday morning for us here. Yes it is. And at 10.45 in the morning, would you like to schedule some sex? I would sure like to schedule some sex. Where are we going with this? Do you feel like we schedule sex at all? No, I don't. Okay. So I feel like we sort of do. I know that it doesn't go in our calendars, but I feel like we make time for it. Who are you having sex with then?

00:47
I'll invite to the wrong Brandon. Another Brandon. It's another realtor named Brandon. It's really good if anyone's in the market. At multiple things apparently. Okay. I know we don't put it in the calendar. I know we don't say, hey, at 3 PM on Saturday, would you like to have the sex with me? Sexy time. I do feel like we carve out time. I have an idea sometimes of when you're going to want to have sex with me. Do you? Yeah. I've got to tell. I've got to tell. You don't know you want it, but I know you want it.

01:17
I don't know what the tell it. Okay, I'm going to give one example. When I... Please do share more of Brandon's secrets. When I'm on the road for work and I know that I'm leaving, you carve out time the night before. Yes, I do. Not just for sex, but just to be with me, to try and be home, to try and not be working, to try and not have phone calls. And it always leads to sex. It usually does. Yes, you're right. I do do that. So there's some scheduling of sex. And you know, we've got an expert who's going to help us kind of parse whether or not we should schedule sex

Pelvic floor function is essential to sexual health a pleasure, but how much do you know about this key region? Do you know…

At what age should you start thinking about the pelvic floor?
What daily activities are hard - on the pelvic floor?
Which movements can support pelvic floor health?
How to care for your pelvic floor during pregnancy?
How menopause affects the pelvic floor?

We didn’t know the answers, so we asked the fabulous Dr. Kamaria Washington to weigh in on these questions; and much more in this content-rich episode.

Dr. Kamaria Washington is a proud product of Detroit, MI - and she received her Bachelor of Science in Movement Science from the University of Michigan’s School of Kinesiology before pursuing her Doctorate of Physical Therapy from the MGH Institute of Health Professions in Boston, Massachusetts. She then went to Therapeutic Associates Bethany in Portland, Oregon for extensive pelvic floor training in conjunction with Herman and Wallace pelvic floor continuing education. Dr. Washington is the founder of Pelvic Noire Physical Therapy & Wellness, where she serves as the CEO, a Pelvic Floor Physical Therapist for women's health, and a Birth Prep and Postpartum Coach. Appointments can be held at their office in Metro-Detroit, MI, or virtually; from all over the world. She sees clients' preconceptions through menopause with pelvic pain, urine/fecal leakage, low back pain, reproductive concerns, prolapse, and more.

You can keep up with her work and learn bits of pelvic floor education from her on Instagram & Facebook. And you can set up an appointment (virtual or in-person) at Pelvic Noire website.

Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.



If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

00:02
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

00:16
Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir here with my lovely other half and Dr. Jess. Hey, hey. Today we are talking about pelvic floor health across the lifespan. And we're going to be joined by Dr. Camaria Washington, also known as Dr. Cave from Detroit, Michigan. She has a Bachelor of Science in Movement Science from the University of Michigan School of Kinesiology, like you, baby kinesiologist. Shout out. But then she went on to do her doctorate of physical therapy from the MGH Institute.

00:46
of Health Professions in Boston. She has a lot of schooling. She then went to therapeutic associates Bethany in Portland, Oregon for extensive pelvic floor training in conjunction with Herman and Wallace pelvic floor continuing education. She is the founder of pelvic noir physical therapy and wellness where she serves as the CEO a pelvic floor physical therapist for women's health and a birth prep and postpartum coach. She's amazing. I've been following her on Instagram for some time. I highly, highly, highly recommend

01:16
you follow at dr.kwashington underscore. That one's a bit hard, so I'm going to make sure it's in the show notes and I'll do a shout out on Instagram because her content is so good. On the personal side, Dr. K likes solo traveling, spending time with the locals, food experiences, dancing, spoken word, hiking, reading,

What questions should you consider if you’re thinking of opening up your relationship?
What issues do couples commonly face when considering polyamory?
What is brainspotting?
What should solo polyamorous folks consider when dating couples?
Which dating sites are best for open relationships?

We’re joined by marriage and family therapist Joy Berkheimer who weighs in on these questions and shares her personal experience with swinging and polyamory.



Joy is a radical force for self-expression that helps women cultivate self-love, and empowers them to fully embody their sexuality so that they may become their best authentic and liberated selves.

To learn more about Joy, follow her on her Instagram or on the Joy Berkheimer website.

Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

speaker:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half who's dancing, Dr. Jess. I was really in the mood for this today. You're grooving today. I heard a little scobbyed in the background. It makes me happy. That's your jam. Mm-hmm. Literally, that's your jam. And today, I've been up all morning talking about relationship deal breakers. Do you have any relationship deal breakers? Oh, I have a whole list. I have one that immediately comes to mind. What's that? Smoking. Cigarettes. Cigarette smoking. I'd have a hard time with that. Other substances are acceptable. other substances totally fine. Because you like the smell of other ones, but you don't like the smell of cigarettes. Yes. Yeah. You know, I had, I grew up with one parent who smoked on and off. And I remember that you just turned to them at some point and you're like, listen, I love you and that's going to kill you and I need you to stop. And they did. Yeah, I think I said that to somebody who wants to. They were very disciplined, though. My parents who smoked, like they would smoke in certain places and not in others. They never smoked in the house and they would smoke in certain social situations, but then quit in between for like a year. But I got it. that that's a deal. But I mean, if you were to start, I wouldn't really understand, especially why you'd start at this age. What if I started smoking cigars? Well, I mean, how often would you smoke them? This conversation is getting very detailed. Well, I'm just thinking that a lot of people smoke cigars once in a while. And so I wouldn't always have to be around it. I don't know. I don't know, I really like the smell of a pipe. I was just gonna say, I love the smell of a pipe. My grandfather smoked a pipe and I was like, man, that smells good. Yeah, it's sweet, sweet, but I think it still causes harm. Yeah, I think so. So we were talking this morning about the top relationship dealbreakers and they categorize them into six categories But what comes out on top for all types of relationships is Grossness okay, that's a very vague topic. So do you want to give me some details? Like what was what was gross? So another study found that it's basically if somebody has it disheveled or unclean appearance and then down the list There's lazy too needy lacks of sense of humor lacks of sense of hu...

Sex therapist Dr. Donna Oriowo joins us to answer your questions about sex and relationships.

How do you manage sexual incompatibility?
What do you do when one of you wants sex all the time and the other has trouble getting in the mood?
And how do you get yourself in the mood to be a "giver" when it doesn't come naturally?

Dr. Donna Oriowo (oreo-whoa!) LICSW, CST, is an award-winning DEI advocate, international speaker and certified sex and relationship therapist in the Washington D.C. metro area. Dr. Donna is the owner of private practice, AnnodRight, which specializes in working with Black women on issues related to colorism and texturism and its impacts on mental and sexual health. Dr. Donna specializes in working with Black women to feel Free, Fabulous, and F*cked! She is the author of Cocoa Butter & Hair Grease: A Self Love Journey Through Hair and Skin and the host of a weekly community space for Black women called In My Black Feelings. Dr.

Donna collects inspiring quotes, eats donuts, loves pasta, travels to learn, and gives COVID-safe handshakes, warm hugs, and (figurative) knocks on the head.

Dr. Oriowo served as DEI Co-chair and Communications Steering Committee Chair for AASECT. She is a member of the Women of Color Sexual Health Network (WOCSHN). She can be found on social media @Dr.DonnaOriowo (Instagram and Twitter). OR you can visit her on the interwebs at DonnaOriowo.com OR interact with her by joining the Free, Fabulous, & F*cked Community on Facebook. Be sure to check out Dr. Oriowo's 5-Day Pleasure Challenge

Get 15% off with Code DRJESS15 on Lovehoney.com.

Save 25% with code PODCAST at Happier Couples.com.

 



If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Help! We're not sexually compatible

Speaker 2 00:00:05 You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use Tonight.
Speaker 0 00:00:14 Welcome
Speaker 3 00:00:14 To the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.
Speaker 1 00:00:20 Hello from Washington DC
Speaker 3 00:00:23 Is there a more enthusiastic way to say that?
Speaker 1 00:00:25 Good morning, Washington DC Good morning. This is our second stop here in the last couple of weeks. Yeah,
Speaker 3 00:00:31 It
Speaker 1 00:00:31 Is. We are here for the Sexology Summit in inaugural conference hosted by the folks from Sexpert Consultants and they're doing a great job. It's, it's so nice to be back with colleagues and surrounded by non civilian sex people.
Speaker 3 00:00:46 Yeah, I mean, I'm having a great time. I haven't been to a lot of sex conferences. I've been to Sex down South. I've been here. I'm trying to think where else I've been. And definitely meeting people that I've met online and through the podcast. And it's interesting because now I'm actually seeing them, but I feel like I already know them. Like we met Courtney, we saw Courtney Bra the other day. Hang
Speaker 1 00:01:05 On though. Courtney Bra is a lot taller than I expected. Yes. He, he's a tall man.
Speaker 3 00:01:09 He's, he's a muscular, tall gentleman
Speaker 1 00:01:11 In a soft cashmere sweater. My favorite convo, my favorite I you wear He's cashmere.

Do you have trouble expressing your desires in bed?
Are you nervous - to open up about your fantasies?
Do you have difficulty tapping into sexual turn-ons?

Perhaps the constraints of gender (and the associated shame) are holding you back from experiencing deeper pleasure. Fret not. Dr. Candice Nicole joins Jess & Brandon to help you shed gender shame and bend gender all in the name of hotter sex.

Dr. Candice Nicole Hargons is an award-winning associate professor of counselling psychology at the University of Kentucky, where she studies sexual wellness and liberation. She is the host; of F*ck the System: A Sexual Liberation Podcast and How to Love a Human, a liberation podcast that asks people with multiple marginalized identities what the world would be like if it loved them.

Save 25% with code PODCAST at Happier Couples.com. (See courses below.)









If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Can Gender-Bending Improve Sex?

Speaker 2 00:00:05 You're listening to The Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use Tonight.
Speaker 3 00:00:14 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr.
Speaker 1 00:00:20 Jess. And we're back because we skipped last week.
Speaker 3 00:00:22 We did. How do you feel
Speaker 1 00:00:24 About that? Not gonna talk about, not gonna talk about it. Honestly, that's the first podcast we've missed in all the years doing this podcast.
Speaker 3 00:00:31 All the years. A lot of years.
Speaker 1 00:00:32 Many a year. But we're, we're back. And I'm happy to be back and super excited for today's topic because we're talking about gender and sex. And we're going to be joined by Dr. Candace Nicole, who is an award-winning associate professor of counseling, psychology, a sexologist. They work at the University of Kentucky where she studies sexual wellness and liberation and she hosts multiple podcasts herself. She's published over 50 research articles. You probably have seen her in Cosmo, the New York Times, and the like. And she's here to help us break down how considering the possibility of redefining gender can lead to happier relationships and hotter sex. Thank you so much for joining us, Dr. Candace. How you doing today?
Speaker 4 00:01:12 I'm doing wonderful, Dr. Jess. It's so good to be here with you.
Speaker 1 00:01:15 And tell us, what are you working on these days,
Speaker 4 00:01:18 Girl? Trying to get this book proposal accepted by an agent. So that is the word.
Speaker 1 00:01:24 Can you tell us anything about the book? Can you tease a little,
Speaker 4 00:01:27 Okay, here's a little teaser. So it's going to be about sexual liberation and how these systems of oppression try to fuck it up
Speaker 1 00:01:36 And why sex, why? I mean, they're attacking everything, but why sex in particular? Like what? What is it about sex that lets systems exert greater control?
Speaker 4 00:01:45 I don't, I don't even know if it's greater control. I just think it's an area where we have an exam, how capitalism and racism and sexism and heterosexism and elitism and all that stuff gets in the way of good sex.
Speaker 1 00:01:57 Yeah.

How much can you ask a partner to change?
And how do you know if non-monogamy is the right choice for you?

Jess and Brandon discuss these listener questions and share their (imperfect) perspectives in this quickie episode.

Save 25% with code PODCAST for the Mind Blowing Oral: Clit and the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis course on the Happier Couples website.

.



If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Quickie Q&A: Should you change for a partner & how do you know if non-monogamy is right for you?

Speaker 1 00:00:05 You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight.
Speaker 2 00:00:15 Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half. Dr. Jess,
Speaker 3 00:00:21 Are you ready for a quickie?
Speaker 2 00:00:22 I'm always ready for a quickie. Are
Speaker 3 00:00:24 You though?
Speaker 2 00:00:25 Yeah, I'm usually ready for a quickie.
Speaker 3 00:00:27 is all, all we really do is quickies. not in the podcast, but I feel like we've been squishing sex into smaller Look at your face. Sorry. I'm like, I'm, I'm getting tripped up from my words, but I'm gonna keep going. I feel like we've been squishing it into tiny little, what do they call it? Time blocks.
Speaker 2 00:00:44 time. We're time blocking. We're the Harvard Review. We're time boxing.
Speaker 3 00:00:47 Time boxing our sex lab, but we're getting it in.
Speaker 2 00:00:50 We're smooshing booties and time boxing.
Speaker 3 00:00:52 Bumping uglies.
Speaker 2 00:00:52 Bumping uglies. I
Speaker 3 00:00:53 Don't like that cuz I think they're very pretty.
Speaker 2 00:00:55 I like it.
Speaker 3 00:00:56 We're actually in a hotel right now with, uh, curtains where the, the decor. They really look like Volvos.
Speaker 2 00:01:02 Yes, they do. You brought that up the other night and I didn't realize it. And you're spot
Speaker 3 00:01:06 On. I think it's supposed to be something from the sea, but they really remind me of Volvos. Anyhow, we're doing a quickie because I am off to Dubai for another couple's retreat. I feel so good to be working and meeting people and I'm just, I don't know. I'm having the absolute best time, but have a long couple of flights today. So we have two questions for you and one is about getting your partner to change and the other is about non-monogamy. So big topics, but we're gonna try and be fairly succinct so that I don't miss my flight.
Speaker 2 00:01:34 Sounds good. All right.
Speaker 3 00:01:35 What's the first, so the first they're asking how to differentiate between getting your partner to stop doing something that bothers you versus trying to change them. So they say we're told to accept our partners just as they are, but also to speak up if something they're doing makes us unhappy. So where's the balance?
Speaker 2 00:01:52 I mean, this totally resonates not with, not so much with me, but just the question is kinda like, at what point are you crossing that line? Right.
Speaker 3 00:01:59 Um, you don't ask me to change much.
Speaker 2 00:02:01 No. Again, I think we're constantly having conversations about things.

We are riding a high after appearing on The TODAY Show this morning! Hoda and Jenna were the warmest hosts and in this week's episode we dig a little deeper into one of their viewer questions about housework and how to stop keeping score. Tune in for 6 specific strategies you can use to reduce tension, conflict and stave off resentment in the long-run.

Don't forget you can save 25% off all of our video courses at HappierCouples.com with code PODCAST.



And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

You can watch the interview on Today With Hoda and Jenna here.



See below for a rough summary of the podcast:

Earlier today we were on The Today Show thanks to Kieran, producer extraordinaire, who has a new segment series called Relationships Dilemmas.

My partner and I are constantly keeping score over who's doing more at home -- between the dishes, cooking dinner, taking out the trash. So my question is, what's the best way to delegate or balance routine chores at home?

Keep score but play for the same team. Focus on all the things your partner does. Make a list of everything that needs to be done - break it down into small parts. Really break it down. And let yourselves add to it as things come up. Then run through the chores like a draft taking turns opting into specific tasks. I’d suggest you do this monthly as opposed to making it a one time thing because the list will change, your schedules will change and it’s good to switch things up.

The point is to look at the tasks as a team as opposed to tracking who does what. Get to the underlying issues. If making a list and going through it feels triggering, if it hits a sore spot, if you’re resistant, if you get defensive, consider whether or not chores are the issue or if it’s a relational, emotional or attachment need that’s not being met. Is it really about dirty dishes or is it about feeling unheard? Is it about laundry or is it about resentment for the fact that you gave something up to support your partner’s career?It’s easy to place blame on the superficial issues like chores as opposed to examine the root issues.I see this often. You argue about something rather innocuous like the way they put the food in the fridge, but really you’re annoyed that they don’t put effort into the relationship. Don’t expect it to be 50/50. That’s not the way life works and if you’re obsessed with making sure your partner does as much as you, ask yourself why.



Your lives are different. Your skills sets are different. There are going to points in the relationship when you do more domestic labour. And there will be times when your partner does more. Examine gender roles and other identity layers that may be contributing to engrained biases. Did your mom do all the cooking and you now expect your wife to do the same? Was your dad handy and you now have the unrealistic expectation that your boyfriend should take care of repairs?

Express gratitude profusely. It’s so easy to take all the little things for granted. And even if you do appreciate all the things your partner does. The gratitude gap refers to the distance between feeling grateful and actually expressing it.

Lower your expectations. Just because you want things done a certain way to a certain standard doesn’t mean your partner affords the same value to the same tasks. Maybe you’re angry or annoyed that they don’t clean as thoroughly as you. And maybe that’s a legitimate concern. But maybe you’re being unrealistic. Maybe they do a perfectly decent job and you take comfort in laying criticism because of past issues. Maybe it gives you a sense of control. Or meaning. This happens with kids. One parents has expectations that the other finds unrealistic in terms of how involved yo...

Jess & Brandon weigh in on why they don't love V-Day and answer questions from listeners; who wants to have a happier Valentine's -- free from pressure. They weigh in on what to do if your partner refuses to celebrate and offer; some alternative ways to celebrate beyond chocolates and roses. We hope you don't use this as an excuse to avoid celebrating. Instead, we hope it inspires deeper conversations about the meaning we attach to holidays, celebrations and expressions of love.

Regardless of whether or not you celebrate, if you're into luxurious lingerie, Lunatic Femme is still running their contest to win this gorgeous eco-silk kimono with removable sleeves (because all of their pieces are designed - to layer, morph, mix & match), and you can enter to win in two simple steps:

1. Subscribe to the Lunatic Femme newsletter HERE
2. Follow them on IG HERE



 










View this post on Instagram






















 

A post shared by luxury lingerie (@lunatic_femme)




If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Why We Don't Celebrate Valentine's Day

Intro 00:00:05 You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use Tonight.
Speaker 3 00:00:16 Welcome To the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co-host Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.
Speaker 1 00:00:21 Happy freaking V-day . We're almost there.
Speaker 3 00:00:24 We're, is that it? Are you looking at it like something you need to overcome?
Speaker 1 00:00:28 No, no, no. like, we've almost made it Valentine's. This is the biggest time of the year in my field.
Speaker 3 00:00:34 It sure is. There's photos of Dons everywhere,
Speaker 1 00:00:38 ,
Speaker 3 00:00:38 Sex dogs,
Speaker 1 00:00:39 Sex dogs and all sorts of things. Right? All the brands, all the labels. Every possible industry is now into Valentine's Day.
Speaker 3 00:00:48 Yeah, I mean the, in like companies that I wouldn't have thought would've touched the sex toy industry are all about it.
Speaker 1 00:00:55 Well, and not just sex toy industry, but Valentine's altogether. You should see some of the, oh yeah, the pitches. I'm getting like the reaches to make some random product about Valentine's Day. So it's, it's a commercialized holiday. Commercialized holiday. But we are gonna talk about it because we don't celebrate Valentine's. And you may celebrate Valentine's, but I hope you'll hear our perspective. And I really want to reinforce all perspectives on this cuz there's no right, there's no wrong, there's no judgment around, ah, it's a Hallmark holiday. So what all holidays are made up, I
Speaker 3 00:01:24 Was just gonna say, a lot of holidays are Hallmark holidays.
Speaker 1 00:01:26 It doesn't matter. And they're all made up, right? So many holidays are commercialized and so much of what we do is, so I'm not gonna sit here in criticism of that, but we are gonna talk about the fact that we don't celebrate Valentine's.

Intimacy is about so much more than sex. It can be emotional, relational, practical, physical, spiritual and so much more. This week, Jess and Brandon share prompts to help cultivate emotional connection as they work their way through the Intimacy Interview.

And just in time for V-Day, we have a luxurious giveaway from Lunatic Femme, a luxurious lingerie brand that uses the finest materials for their small-batch collection. They're offering up a gorgeous eco-silk kimono with removable sleeves (because all of their pieces are designed to layer, morph, mix & match) and you can enter to win in two simple steps:

1. Subscribe to the Lunatic Femme newsletter HERE
2. Follow them on IG HERE



 










View this post on Instagram






















 

A post shared by luxury lingerie (@lunatic_femme)



If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Emotional Intimacy

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Ready to talk how to build emotional intimacy to see? I am ready to talk about that. Okay. What does intimacy mean to you? Intimacy is closeness. It's connection, but it's deeper than, like, friendship level connection. You don't think you can have intimacy with a friend? Okay, I take it back. Take a foot out of my mouth. I guess it was meant to be rhetorical. I guess I think intimacy, I think more sexual, and that's kind of where I was going with that. But yes. No, you can definitely have intimate relationships with friends. Okay. And I don't think you're alone in thinking about intimacy and sexuality or sexual pleasure or sexual intimacy as one thing, but I think it's more than that, and we're going to get into that. You don't have to agree, of course. Language is language. Like, define it however you want. But before we do, I'm really excited. I have a contest that I think you should stop what you're doing and go enter it now. So I'm thrilled to announce this partnership with it's a small batch lingerie brand that's really I don't know. It's a mindful brand that's totally different than anything I've ever seen. It's called lunatic femme. And when I first came across them, I read their tagline, you're not one thing. Your lingerie shouldn't be either. And when I read that, I was like, oh, that really resonates. You're not just one thing. But then I saw their lingerie, and it is wow, it's so beautiful. It's luxurious, and it's just a really cool brand. So it's layerable, it's changeable, it's strip offable. And most importantly, to me, it's exposable because it's definitely 100% doubles as fashion wear it under a blazer or without a blazer that would be hot. And you can mix and match and detach all the different pieces to create all these different looks and feels and moods. For example, they've got this balcony bra that you can wear, I think, six different ways. They've got bodysuits that have different removable harnesses.

Take a few minutes to slow down and reconnect with this simple exercise designed for emotional connection, physical intimacy and mindfulness. It's not a magic pill, but just two minutes may be worth a shot. Jess & Brandon give it a whirl and share their honest reactions.

If you're looking for the Lovehoney sale products (use code DRJESS15 to save an extra 15%), here they are:

Hitachi Magic Wand  - 'Most amazing orgasm I’ve seen her have in 10 years!' 'Be free from cords, without sacrificing power!' 'I truly believe it's strong enough to make nearly anyone come.' Forget hand massages. You can shake your whole house from its very foundations with the jaw-rattling vibes of this extra-powerful wand. Your cordless Magic Wand harnesses AC power from the wall before firing it out in 8 vibration styles. Brace yourself. Soft silicone creates a smooth surface for transmitting the vibrations, with 4 speeds and 4 patterns operated with ease via the 3-button controls.

Lovehoney Juno - Make love to the beat with the Juno music-activated panty vibrator. Designed to slip into your pants, this cute little vibe tantalizes your clitoris by buzzing along to your favorite tunes. Choose something with plenty of base and get ready to party. Harnessing the power of synch technology, the removable bullet vibe buzzes to the beat of your music. Simply place the remote next to a music source, turn up the volume and let your tunes take control of your pleasure. Each set includes the ingenious remote control, a bullet vibrator and a silicone sleeve jacket. The remote works from up to 8 meters away from the bullet vibrator. Please note: The bullet vibrator is for external use only.

Lovehoney X We-Vibe Nova 2

We-Vibe's Nova Rabbit Vibrator is back and better than ever. Still boasting app controls and a sensational arced, clitoris-kissing arm that stays in contact while you thrust, the Nova 2 also boasts a posable internal arm for top-tier G-spot stimulation. Sculpted from smooth, seamless silicone with a bulbed end for G-spot pleasure, this sleek toy is as ergonomic as they come. Its whisper-quiet vibrations are ideal during late-night bedroom bliss-outs, and the waterproof body turns your bathroom into a playground. Use the buttons on the toy to explore its default vibration modes, or switch on to the free We-Vibe app to create your own personal pleasure patterns. Plus, with the app you can share control with a partner and play together with multiple toys, no matter how physically near or far apart you may be.



Music provided by Lesfm from Pixabay

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Reset Your Relationship In 2 Minutes

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half of Dr. Jess. I am here and I am ready for what we're about out to get up to. This is the two minute reset, and I need it, so I need it badly. You really made it sound like we were going to do something else there. Oh, we could do that for two minutes as well, but then what would we do with the other 90 seconds? Weren't weren't worn? Brendan Lakes. Any excuse to make a sound effect. So we're going to be talking about a really simple and hopef...

It's time to debunk the myth of the "dead vagina syndrome" and overcome hangups about vibrators - so that; we can all enjoy more pleasure!



If you're looking for Jess' product picks from the Lovehoney sale, check out:

Womanizer Starlet 2

Lovehoney Rose

WeVibe X Lovehoney Nova 2

Lovehoney’s wide selection of kink & fetish gear. Use code DRJESS15 to save at checkout.

And if you're interested in the Oasis Aqualounge event in Toronto, you can learn more here.

If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

 



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

7 Minutes of Sex: Desensitization?

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey. Hey. We are three weeks in to 2023, and I'm seeing all these Instagram posts about the word of the year. So 2023. What's your word? It's an expletive to where I'm at so far. It's anal. Not that anal is an expletive, but fisting. It's my word of the year. I like it. I'm seeing ones, like, perform, take action. I think if I had to pick one, I need calm. Calm. That's what I need right now. Great. What? Relaxation. That's not happening. No. What are we we're about 20 days in right now, and it's the farthest thing from that. So if I could pick a word for 2023 and as the kids say, manifest, I'm picking calm. But we we've had a we've had a crazy week, a wild week, but we have big news, and I don't I think we've maybe alluded to it, but we've never actually talked about it. But B and I got our Spanish EU residency this week. Hola migos. I'm learning Spanish, and it's not going well. It's actually really funny. Brandon's using some sort of an app to learn Spanish. What's the app called? I need a code here. No. It's Pimsler and duolingo. Okay. And my neighbor yeah, not the app, my neighbor. We have a neighbor named Carlos who's helping Brendan to learn Spanish. Yeah, he's awesome. He's incredibly patient, thankfully. But the app, I just see Brendan kind of walking up and down either the street or the beach or wherever we are, and he's just talking to himself on this app. Yeah. People think that there's something wrong with me as I speak random sentences and words and repeat them multiple times. Los gatos. How many times you have to learn about the cat drinking? The cat's drinking? Many times. Anyhow, really good news? We're super excited. We're here in Barcelona, where we have been since last year, actually. Half time Barcelona halftime. Toronto. Splitting our time just because so much of my work is over on this side of the world. So it makes it so much easier for me and for some of my clients and some of my events. But I'm loving it here. It's sunny out. It's a lot warmer than Toronto. The food is amazing. The wine is amazing. Got a vibe. That's what it is. It's got a great vibe. Do you mean the fact that there's a parade down our street pretty much every other weekend? Always a celebration here. Spanish people love to celebrate, and I love it. I love the desire to celebrate life. Or Tuesday mornings or another public holiday. Yes, there are a lot of public holidays, it would seem. Anyhow, that's some good news on our end for 2023, and it actually happened last year,

What’s the difference between a fetish and a kink?
How common are kinks and fetishes?
What are the most common fetishes?
How do I move when thrusting during sex?
What are some household objects that I can use as kinky pervertibles?

Jess and Brandon weigh in on your kinky questions in this quickie episode.





And check out Lovehoney’s wide selection of kink & fetish gear. Use code DRJESS10 to save at checkout.

Save 25% with code PODCAST for the Mind Blowing Oral course (Clit and Penis Edition) on the Happier Couples website.



If you have podcast questions, please submit them here. Don’t forget to subscribe to the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Kinks, Fetishes & Pervertibles

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey. Hey. 2023. I am finally getting used to writing writing it because I kept typing 2022, even in Contracts. Yeah, I usually do that for the first few weeks of the year and then catch on. I'm liking this year already. Well, that's great. Yes. And we have a quickie for folks today, real quickie on kinks versus fetishes, because we've got a super limited amount of time, and we just got off three flights, one of which was a very, very long overnight flight because we have some work overseas. Yeah, that was a bit of a milk run, but glad to be where we are. Yeah, it was an accident. But we did get to stop for a really good club sandwich. Always about a good club sandwich. Actually, there were two really good stops. We also had a really nice meal in one of the airports that never really happens. Oh, yeah, that's right. We had a stop in Toronto. It feels like a million years ago. But yeah, if you're lucky enough to fly through the Signature Suite in Toronto, their food's always been good. It's from Chef Hawksworth, who's a Canadian chef who has restaurants on the west coast. But the food's gotten even better. Yeah, well, I mean, you loved it. You were happy. I was just pleased not to be sitting on the ground working for an hour. I live for food. I live for food. All right, so we're talking kinks versus fetishes, and this person wants to know something fairly straightforward, which is perfect, because we've got this quicky amount of time. They've asked, what is the difference between a kink and a fetish? How common are they? What are the most common fetishes? And they say, I think I may have a few fetishes. So, Brendan, do you know the difference between a kink and a fetish? I do not. Okay. I'm just straight out, I mean no. Do you think you're kinky? Yeah, I think I'm a little kinky. You're a little kinky. You're not, like, dress up kinky. I don't think you're identity or community kinky. Like, you're not at the dungeons, you're not at the parties. But I could. You could. I took you to one once and they sort of tore you to shreds. Do you remember that? You know, I don't, but I feel like you should tell me that. It was the one that was up high in that apartment for a specific celebration. They did. I recall now because you were in a suit. I was in a suit. I definitely was the one that was singled out as someone who hadn't partaken in some of the activities before. One of these things just doesn't belong to be fair...

Why am I only attracted to "toxic" partners?
How can I heal & move on from old wounds?
What do I do when I love my partner, but I'm no longer "in love"?
How do you define love?
How do I deal with a partner who blames everyone else for their problems?

Psychologist Dr. Alexandra Solomon joins Jess & Brandon to answer your relationship questions. She explains why we sometimes avoid healthy relationships and; why we might; be drawn to harmful ones. And she also provides a nuanced look at how learning and healing from old wounds can help us to change the future -- without dwelling on the past. Finally, they discuss how couples can deal with the challenge of loving one another while no longer being "in love".

Follow Dr. Alexandra Solomon's work:

Reimagining Love Podcast
Alexandra's Website
Instagram


Thank you to Lovehoney for their support of this podcast! Save on toys, lingerie, and much more at Lovehoney.com with code DRJESS15

 

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Help! I'm only attracted to the "wrong type" & what to do when I'm no longer "in love"

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Happy New Year. Happy New Year 2023. This is going to be a good one. And I'm excited for our conversation today because we're going to talk about being in love versus loving someone. We're going to talk about the paradox of healing. I'm hoping to talk about attraction to people that you don't want to be attracted to and lack of attraction to the people you do want to attracted to, be attracted to. With Dr. Alexandra Solomon, who is a psychologist, she's got a huge following on Instagram. She got her own podcast. I'm super excited for that. Before she joins us, big shout out to our sponsor launching us into 2023. My friends at Love Honey and I have been working with Love Honey for a long, long, long time. Long, long, long, long time. And you can check out all of their goodies. They have a whole bunch of New Year's sales. And I've got an extra discount code. Dr. Jess Ten for Lovehoney.com. Lovehoney CA all the different Love Honey sites. So if you're looking for lingerie, if you're looking for latexware, if you're looking for all the good vibes to start the year with good vibes, love Honey.com code Dr. Jess Ten to say. All right, without further ado, we are going to get into this. Joining us now is Dr. Alexandra H. Solomon, a psychologist and author, the host of her own podcast, Reimagining Love, that covers everything relationship related, from your background in therapy to academic approaches to pop culture, representations of relationships and how that affects how we relate in real life, basically all the practical aspects of relating. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for having me. This is such a treat to get to spend some time with you. Yes. And a great way to start 2023, because you're brilliant. You have you have a couple of books. You have not only the podcast Reimagining Love You Have Taking Sexy Back How to Own Your Sexuality and Create the Relationships You Want. Best Selling Award winning book. And you have another book.

Let's start 2023 on the right foot with some easy strategies for happier, more fulfilling relationships of - all kinds. Jess and Brandon share; 7 simple resolutions ranging from the sexual to the practical.

Thank you to Lovehoney for their support of this podcast! Save on toys, lingerie, and much more at Lovehoney.com with code DRJESS15

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Revolutionize Relationships In 2023

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Last one of 2022. Wow. 2022. Done. There you go. Oh, how was your year? It was good. Are you surprised that I said good? I know Brandon's response to everything is good. Like, we had the most delicious meal last night. Our friend took us for wow. Yeah, that was great. That was really okay. The wagyu it was great. Okay. That's an extreme response for Brandon, but every time we cook something delicious, he's like, yeah, it's good. You're not a pleasure to cook for wow. You are correct. You're not a pleasure to eat with jazz. No, I didn't mean it that way. But you don't even mean no, I get it. If you cook for me or my family, we're like, oh, my gosh, you guys are so good. You're making noise while the food you're like, what is happening over here, man? But, yeah, no, I generally respond with it. Yeah, it's good. Okay, so was this a good year for you? Yes, it was. Okay. I'm asking that because there's some key findings that came out of the Ipsos Global Advisor Predictions goal for 2023, and I want to look at some other predictions and talk a little bit about the topic at hand today, which is resolutions to revolutionize relationships in 2023 and beyond. But before they got to the predictions for 2023, they offered a very brief 2022 in retrospect, and 73% say this year was a bad year for my country, which is down 77% from 21 and down from 90% in 20. So we're seeing improvement, although 73% saying, this is a bad year for my country is pretty high. This is a global survey, by the way, and the range was from 44% in Saudi Arabia, so the most positive in the lower to 87% in Hungary. And 56% across the globe say that this year was a bad year for me and my family, which is down only 2% from 2021 and down considerably 14% from 70% in 2020. So overall, we're still seeing negative perception, and in the predictions I'll go over in just a moment, we're seeing pessimism, but it's all of those negative trending in the right direction. Exactly. So the negativity is trending down. So I wouldn't say this year was a bad year for me and my family. I guess I'd fall into the 44%. Yeah, I would agree. I feel the same way. I mean, again, perspective challenges, like, what are you up against? But for me personally, I thought it had a good year for me and my family, and there was some stuff that happened, too, and 2022 for me flew by. Yeah, I agree. Wow.

Reflecting back now on the entire year, it whipped by, and maybe because there's so much happening globally. Like, when you think back as to the news that hit at the beginning of the year, it's hard to believe that it was a year ago. I don't have a reference right now. You could put me on the spot, but I'm trying to remember major,

Naked News host & producer Laura Desiree joins us to talk about her career in journalism and her journey to living a life free of shame and full of pleasure. She discusses the stigma associated with nudity and the erotic and shares strategies for letting go of the self-judgment that holds us back from living our best lives.



Follow Laura Desiree's work: Instagram and you can find the Licked and Loaded Podcast here.

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Let Go of Judgment & Shame

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Happy holidays to you, Mr. Ware. Happy holidays to you, too. I've been in the holiday spirit for, like, two months, and Brandon is finally in the holiday spirit. And why? Why? Because you were throwing snowballs at your nephews yesterday. Because my nephews were lobbing us snowballs to whip at them. They've got terrible lateral mobility, and I stung one of them right in the butt when he was making me another snowball to throw at him. I caught your brother in the butt when he he was walking out of our house, and I don't even think he felt it. He has five children, Brandon's brother, and I think once you have five children, you don't even feel things hit you from behind. I just want to describe our snowball fight, although it's totally unrelated to the topic at hand. We had the ultimate snowball fight yesterday because somehow, I don't even know how this happened, we were standing in our front doorway, like, not even outside of the house, and the kids were all outside making snowballs and gently throwing them to us so that we we could whip them at them. How does that even happen? I have the dream life. That's the dream life. It was wonderful. We were warm. We didn't have to make snowballs. The snow was extra hard, so it's really stung when you hit them with it. And these kids are so polite, they didn't even throw the snowballs at us. They lobbed them to us so that we could throw them at them. And as I had said, they haven't really developed all of their motor skills yet, so they're chucking and jiving and diving just wasn't on par yet, so we won. Basically. It's winning anyhow. Makes you want to have kids, if that's what happened. Kids. That's what kids is all about. Sign me up. Don't at me on that one. Okay, so we're very close to the holidays. If you are in the gifting spirit for yourself or for a partner or for a loved one or for, perhaps your boss, we have some fabulous courses@happiercouples.com. We have mindful sex. We have how to last longer in bed and get over premature ejaculation. Not for your boss. Unless your boss has expressed, this is my wish list. I'm hoping for a promotion. Here's a course I thought might help. Yeah, this one's on blowjobs, and then there's one on how to pleasure the clip, but you're familiar with it, so check those courses out. Happiercouples.com. Save 25% with code podcast. And I do think that they're all really valuable learning opportunities for you, your friends, your family, and maybe not your code workers. It depends on your relationship with your coworkers. If you work in my field, you can buy it for your coworkers. Yeah. And if you work in the corporate environment,

Want to experiment with orgasms?
Explore pleasure across every square inch of your body with this head-to-toe pleasure guide that will help you get out of your head and into your body.

And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Full Body Orgasms

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. This is the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, throwing me off by giving my oneliner that I practice in the mirror. Here's your oneline. Go. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast asked. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half. And Dr. Jess. What are we talking about today? What full body owes? I feel like my voice is a little off today. I had a late night. You did have a late night. I've been trying to stay on European time. How's that working? Because I like waking up at 430 in the morning. I love being up before everyone else. 4 hours later the sun comes up here in Toronto. The problem is you go to bed at 01:00 in the morning, so getting up at four is a bit of a challenge. I went to bed at about two last night. Yeah, I did hear it. Yes, I did. Because I did not stay up that late. I don't know how you slept through us making all that noise. I'm obviously super loud, but I have another extremely loud friend. Oh, really? Brandon has learned to tune us out because our house is small. Like, you can hear everything in the house, but somehow you were asleep. Yes, I was. That's my superpower. I can sleep through anything. No, your superpower is you can tune me and Mel out. I'm going to send this to my friend Mel. So holidays are upon us. This is a super social week for me. Every day and every night I've got events and social gatherings and parties and I'm excited. I'm a little nervous because everyone's sick and I'm trying to stay healthy. It's a two cough, two sneeze threshold for me. Unless you're one of those eight sneeze consecutive people where I'm like, okay, I get it. Someone close talked to me last night, so I started kind of breathing really hard. You're disturbing the air around because I'm sure you looked really normal doing that too. I was hoping he would just kind of back off a little.

So you did essentially a candle blowout in his face while he was talking and I was moving my head around in a circle. Was it sexy or was like, what was going on there? It was not sexy. I'm envisioning that right now and it does not look and sexy. No, but I don't know. I'm thinking about social Burnett. I was thinking about how much fun I'm having right now, kind of being back with people. We've got work parties. I've weaseled my way into parties that are not my work parties. We're going to an amazing work dinner on Thursday night for a company we don't work for. I'm hoping to get an employee of the year. This whole easing back in, it's not easy. Listen, a lot of people have been back at it in full steam for a year or more, and some people aren't really going out at all. Obviously, there's people who are higher risk. Of course, there's both ends of the spectrum, but what I'm noticing is that sometimes people are out, and that initial climatization back to social settings was weird. I had somebody full on just let one rip. No, yeah, it was my dad or your mom, in which case it wasn't unusual. It was normal. But no. We're standing in a circle talking, and all of a sudden, I'm like,

Jess & Brandon share techniques for mind-blowing nipple orgasms and uncover some of the hottest pleasure-zones, including the F-Spot, the 3-Spot & the R-Spot. They also share strategies for supporting a partner who can't orgasm because he "gets in his head."



And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Nipple Orgasms & What To Do When Your Partner Can't Orgasm

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey. Hey. This is Brandon and Jess coming at you from the new Fantasy See podcast studios, the Sex with Dr. Jet Podcast Studios, also known as the tiny guest bedroom in our Barcelona apartment. It's super high tech. We got pillows everywhere to try and get rid of those pop pops. But I do want to kind of shout out Brandon for changing his intro. Yes. That took a lot of extra planning. He's been working on it in his little red book for, I don't know, the last couple of dozen minutes, and he came up with, hey, it's Brandon. Hey. That's it. That's all I got. Today we are talking about nipple orgasms, and I'm going to answer one of your questions about what to do when your partner can't orgasm, when they can orgasm on their own, but not with their partner. And we've talked about this before more from a goaloriented perspective. Like, here are some ways you can learn to have an orgasm with your partner. But I want to talk about it from a different angle because this question came in just a little differently. And beginning of December, we're here. The holiday season is upon us. People have been throwing holiday parties already from a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, I got invited to a holiday party, I think the end of November. Don't brag. I'm getting, like, no income. I'm just saying I got one. That's all I've got so far. But you didn't go. No, I didn't go. I wonder if people are throwing as many parties because of this terrible cold and flu going around. People are knocked off their feet, sick. So I hope that you are not at home listening because you're stuck at home sick. But I want to say to everyone, I mean, this maybe doesn't apply, but I love you, but please don't come near me if you have a colder you get two random cough or sneezes. Once we get to number three, you're sick. Stay away from me then. I'm counting. I'm counting. It's all over. So, busy season. Hopefully a more relaxing season than in previous years. I think that obviously there's less stress around COVID because most of us are triple quadruple vaccinated, where many of us are still practicing social distancing and wearing masks. It seems like everyone here in Barcelona is sick as a dog. I'm really excited about this year. I'm going to go around licking random objects on the street. Right? If you know Brandon, that's not true. He does not like germs. Keep the sick people away. But yeah, I'm going to go around licking things. Yeah. Well, anyhow, I hope everyone's doing well. Hope you're doing well. I wanted to mention the fact that it was just World AIDS Day a couple of days ago, maybe a week ago for you now, and want to talk about the fact that HIV and conversations around HIV AIDS have really, I guess, fallen to the wayside. In light of the fact that we're going through this global pandemic and with the focus on the pandemic over the last few years, resources, whether it's related to press coverage or money or agency sup...

From clitoral orgasms to prostate orgasms to G-Spot orgasms and everything in-between, Jess and Brandon share tips & personal insights & experiences on orgasm. They also discuss how height affects sexual pleasure and chat about the Peony & Mushroom sex toys.

If you're shopping for toys, be sure to check out LoveShopToys.com and use code DRJESS to save!



And if you have podcast questions, please submit them here. You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Have Different Types Of Orgasms Part I

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your hostess, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Suggest, here to talk orgasms today and all the different types of orgasms. Brandon, how many types of orgasms do you think there are? 1010. Different. Just a random number I've thrown out. Yes. What we were going to talk about, about ten or eleven. Okay. I don't have the answer to that. I think it would be sort of infinite. There could be all not infinite. All right. Okay. Not going to be thousands of different types of orgasms. Maybe there are, though, depending on how you classify an orgasm. So we're going to be talking about them quitoral, cervical, Gspot, prostate fullbodied blended. I'm going to see how many we get to because, I don't know, there's a lot of them. So we're going to go through I also want to talk about Short Kings, because I've been watching the Sex Lives of College Girls on HBO. Max and I did this press up for Elite Daily the other day, and they were asking me to either confirm or debunk the idea that short men are better in bed. So we're going to get to all of that. But first I want to shout out Love Shop, because Love Shop has been supporting our podcast, and we share so many of our missions in common in terms of just destigmatizing sex, talking about sex, which is obviously what we are here doing. And I had mentioned last week that they sent me a whole bunch of toys. I've been using a handful of them. I don't think I talked about the mushroom last week, so it's a little also known as the Mushroom. Mushroom, mushroom, mushroom. The Mushroom. You say it wrong. I'll tell you what, I'm not going to go put a poll out on this one on Instagram because I'm going to lose. There's going to be, like, four Jamaicans who agree with me, and the rest of the people are going to agree with you. So the Mushroom is a small to medium sized wand that I was I'll be honest, I was a little bit reticent and suspect of it to begin with because it's very, very flexible. It has this really flexible head. It's quite soft and plush. But I am actually loving it again for the same reason I loved the peony from last week. Sorry, go ahead and correct me on peony. Peony. Okay. That one's hard, though. I don't know. I'm going to put the pull out on that one. So the mushroom wand available@loveshoptoys.com. It has a flexible head, and I'm loving it because it feels very diffused, and I like that it's kind of soft. It has some give to it. But if you want to add your own pressure as you kind of get closer to orgasm, you can. So I'm going to shout out the mushroom. I'm going to shout out the Pionee. I love the pionee. I mentioned last week that it has all these little gentle nubbins on it. And I've never, ever in my life used a product like this.

So very, very cool.

How do you talk about porn in relationships?
What if you disagree about porn?
Why would a partner opt for porn and masturbation over partnered sex?

Jess & Brandon weigh in on a listener question related to her fiancé's porn use. They share communication prompts and strategies for discussion porn when you and your partner are not on the same page.

And once again, if you are looking for The Sex Spreadsheet, check that blog post here.


If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!



Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

Be sure to check out the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect your moves and learn some new skills all while laughing along to Dr. Jess' hilarious jokes.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!





Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Q&A: Help! My partner picks porn over me

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other or half and Dr. Jess. Hey. Hey, how you doing? I'm great. How are you doing? I'm excellent. I've been unpacking sex toys all morning. Yes. Got sex toys on sex toys. It's boxes and boxes of new vibes. What else did you do with them while you were unpacking them? Why are you saying that? Oh, I juggled them. I juggled them. Yes, I've been juggling sex toys. I'm not very good at juggling. And a circus show at our house this morning. I do juggle for the gram. Just for the gram. People are always like, oh, you can juggle. I'm like, no, I can't juggle. I can only juggle long enough to do a loop on the gram. Same thing with headstands. I'd like to credit my filming abilities because it looks like you juggle for hours on end. Oh, yeah, I wish. I wish. Yeah. Every time people see me, they ask about yoga. They're like, oh, you're doing more yoga. I have no clue what they're talking about. It's because I put headstand pictures on Instagram. People think I do yoga, but all I do is a plain headstand. You got crazy headstand abilities. Like, you can hold a headstand for days, and you can do it on it. I'm going to throw it over to you right now. You can hold a headstand on a paddle board, angled surfaces on the beach. Well, not for days. I'm falling down just walking on them. And you're doing headstands. Your headstand is getting good, but it's performative. People listen. I'm just doing it to get the picture and to get the video done so that I don't have to learn any TikTok dances. Well, I like it. It works out well. So these sex toys, I have a small house and too many sex toys, but I'm really excited because I got some new ones that I've never seen before. So LoveShop sent me a whole bunch of toys.

Journalist, hip-hop artist, and porn performer, Malcolm Lovejoy, joins Jess and Brandon to share his insights on music, sexual rights, the adult industry, orgies, sex clubs, and more.



What makes for a successful orgy?
What really goes down at a porn shoot?
Why do sexual rights matter?
What is the porn star experience?

We've extended the Mindful Sex sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video & audio course designed to help you drown out distractions and tune into pleasure.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!



 

Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Lessons From A Porn Star: Orgies, Love & More!

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Or Jess. Hey. Hey. And today we are joined by Adam. You Malcolm Lovejoy, whom we ran into just a few weeks ago at the Taboo show in Toronto. And it had been a couple of years. I just want to tell the people about you before we dive in. So you are a hip hop artist, a journalist. You are an adult entertainer. You are the winner of two International porn awards. Feminist porn. I think that's right. And you're just a lovely person. You're passionately, devoted to providing safety, satisfaction, sexed, inspiration, and everlasting memories for folks of all genders and exploring just intimacy, needs and sexuality. Your services range from I was looking at your website. You have massage, you have cuddling, you have the boyfriend experience, the porn star experience, love coaching. You do it all. And I know that that short bio does not do you justice. So what did I miss? Tell us about you. Oh, I am honored and I'm thankful that you spread the truth. I don't know if I could say all, but I do as much as my body and mind and soul possibly can in a day for somebody who needs love and truth and help in this very violent and cold and beautiful and crazy wild world we're all in. I do my best. It's been ten years. I have won a couple of awards, and I've got X amount of experience in what I like to call the trenches of love and relationship. I also do music. I'm working on a book, and the book has been my Achilles heel for some reason. I could write articles and I could write BIOS for other people and I could write about poly all the time, but finishing my book has been a problem. But I'm a big book nerd about sex, so I'm doing what I can in this life to spread love and joy and truth. Well, we look forward to the book, and I think we need to talk about that connection between hip hop and porn and your journey from hip hop to porn and back and forth. And, of course, we're dealing with this week the brutal and tragic death of takeoff from Migos. And I've seen numerous reactions across social media platforms ranging from kind of accusations around hip hop and the supposedly inherent violence to reactions that are really informed by love an...

Do you sometimes feel like you talk a lot, but your partner doesn't really hear you? Have you told them what you like, but they don't seem to get it? This week, we weigh in on how to overcome blockages that hinder sexual communication.



We've extended the Mindful Sex sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video & audio course designed to help you drown out distractions and tune into pleasure.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode!



You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Are you looking to add some excitement to your love life? Whether you're enjoying solo sex or having fun with a group, check out some of these vibrating, pulsing and stimulating toys from our friends at We-Vibe to spice up your sex life. Use code DRJESS to save!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Sexual Communication

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my my lovely other half and Dr. Jess. Hey. Hey. Today we are talking about how to get a lover, a partner to understand what you really want, how to really communicate and listen and push through the nonsense, the fog, the sociocultural conditioning that maybe makes it difficult for us to listen and hear. And we have a question from you, dear listener. And last week we talked about the spreadsheet, the sex spreadsheet, and a bunch of you emailed me asking for it. So if you do want to copy, I'm happy to send it out. I haven't put it online, but if you want to copy, shoot us an email info@textbookdoctorjust.com and we will send it your way. I also had some follow up questions from the Blow Job Blue Job sessions. We did a couple of couple of those episodes about lube, and I was talking a lot about Loo, and they wanted to know what kind I recommend. And honestly, there are really great lubes on the market, so I have to share. Full disclosure, I work with Astro Glide, so I tend to use Astroglide Organics, which is paraben free and fragrance free and glycerin free and all that jazz. I also like pure woman P-J-U-R. But I've tried dozens and dozens of lubes. Brandon kind of just reaches, I think, for whatever is next to you. Right? You're not picky at all. Yeah, I'm not picky. Whatever is in the cupboard, I'm happy to use. Yeah. So some people just aren't that particular. So I would suggest if you're able to go to a local sex positive shop, you can kind of feel the lubes and taste the lubes to see what works for you. And there are a ton of tons of different brands out there. Organic stuff, water based stuff, silicone based stuff. The silicon based lube will last a little bit longer, and you can use it in the shower because it doesn't wash away as easily and it tends to be a little bit slicker. And then the waterbased stuff is just a little bit more generally, a little bit more viscous, and will wash away more easily. And a lot of people will opt for that. For example, oral play and anything to do with the vagina, but you can use both kind of anywhere. Anyone who's having anal generally uses a silicon base lube just because there's a little bit more padding to it. It's a little bit thicker and longer lasting. Yes, you might have been away recently, and I might have used one,

This week, Jess & Brandon are sharing tips and tools from some of the happy couples they've met over the past month. Tune in to find out about sex spreadsheets & boobs-around-the-world.

Thank you to AdamandEve.com for their ongoing support of our podcast. Use code DRJESS to save 50% on almost any single item + get FREE shipping and a bunch of free gifts.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode!

And if you want to use the Sex Spreadsheet yourself, click here to access.



You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

The Sex Spreadsheet

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex withDoctor Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon Weir, here with my love of the other half, Dr. Jess. Who's got the giggles? I don't know why. Halloween's coming up, and I can only think of the French song say Halloween. Hey, say lauene. Who knows next line? No one does. Ever. I think about one in five of you are Canadians. Maybe you didn't go to French Immersion, but we all sang that song. Yeah, but I'm serious. I do not know any other lines from that song. No, there were no other lines. No one listening knows what we're talking about. They might. They might have watched a French Canadian show called WADA Tao. Oh, my gosh. Seriously, man, we are going down rabbit hole. Okay, we need to get back on track because we just started here. So I've been doing a bunch couples retreats. Been back to work, feeling good, pretty excited, feeling super motivated. I'm always surprised at how much I want to do when I'm doing more. Like, the less I do, the less I want to do. And the more I do, the more I'm like, yeah, I can do it all. So I've been flying around, working with some amazing groups.

My back is hurting, though, because I think I've been flying for 16 hours over the last weekend with no WiFi, by the way. That's an experience to fly with no WiFi. Well, for somebody like you who enjoys being engaged and being able to send out messages, yeah, I like to work. I can't watch a movie on a plane or watch a television show. It doesn't work for me. I can do that. Yeah, I know. I hear you laughing from behind me. I'm that guy on the plane. I like that, though. That always kind of boosts my spirits when someone's having a really good time with a movie next to me. But I'm not a movie person, so I was just working and not sending out emails. You know, when you write, like, you respond to, like, 50 emails and they all go out at once, people wonder why you're emailing them at midnight when you land anyhow back now. And every time I finish a retreat, I have notes on not only what I can do differently, but also what I took away from the participants. And so one of the things that I took away this time around was really, really cool and tangible. I can touch it because it's a handout. And at the end of the session, one of the participants came up to me and said that he has a list that he used with his partner about, I think, a year or so after they met. And it's sort of like a yes, no, maybe list. And it's interesting because he hadn't heard of those. And most of you have probably heard like yes, no Maybe lists for King, for BDSM, where there's a whole bunch of things you can do and then you kind of fill out yes, no, Maybe,

From "The Tunnel" and the "Claudia" to "The Twist N Shout" and "The Cheater", tune in for advanced oral sex techniques designed to take pleasure to new heights. You'll learn to stimulate the inner penis, intensify orgasms and explore new hot spots to keep your lover coming back for more.



And if you really want to take your blow jobs to the next level, check out our Mind Blowing Oral video course and use code PODCAST to save 25%.

Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Best Blow Job Tips Pt II

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess, four times a charm. Hi. Tongue tied today, and I don't know why. I know many words. We've been talking all weekend. We have. It was a great weekend. Yeah. We spent the weekend in Toronto at the Taboo Nativa Night Show, and a bunch of you all came out to say hi, and it felt really good. Yeah, there was such great news and feedback from the peeps. I really appreciated it and and energy. We have to give a shout out to a gentleman, a very well dressed gentleman. Yes. Best dressed at the show. But also he got us a couple of massages and just kind of dropped off the gift certificate and left, so you know who you are. Thank you so much. It was super sweet. It was so cool to just be around people and getting feedback. It's so interesting because I'm used to being in kind of workshops and seminar spaces where you know what's going on, you know how people are responding, if they're laughing, if they're squirming, if they're coming with extra questions. But when you're doing, like, television or podcast, there's none of that interaction. So it's really cool. There are so many people who are swing fans. Back from my Playboy TV days. I don't know if everybody if you know that. We used to host a show on Playboy TV about swingers, and it was a reality show with a bunch of swingers living in a house. And every weekend I'd bring in a new couple who thought they wanted to try swinging, and I'd kind of walk them through this TV contract. I mean, it was a contract for the relationship, but it was for TV production and take a pulse of where they were in the relationship and make sure they were feeling comfortable and help perhaps bring up any concerns. And then they'd spend the night with, I can't remember, maybe eight other swinger couples, and they'd have the opportunity to swing if the compatibility and the attraction existed. And then the next day, I'd go back and do a little debrief with them. And I still so many years later. I don't think I've worked on the show in at least how long do you think it's been? Six years? Five years? Seven years? I was going to say. Yeah, it's been a while. But I still get emails from folks asking to come to the Swinghouse, and I get emails from folks who want to come to the swing house but don't want to be filmed.

Seriously, I still get these emails every single week. Isn't it just a sex club? Well, what it is,

Boost your confidence and skills when it comes to giving (and receiving) oral sex. There are no sure-fire tips or techniques for better blow jobs, but Jess & Brandon have some insights to help you discover new pathways to pleasure.

From the "Liquid Trace" to the "Air Head" to the "F-Spot", tune in to discover novel approaches to blow your lover's mind. And if you want to take your blow jobs to the next level, check out our Mind Blowing Oral video course and use code PODCAST to save 25%.

Thank you to Womanizer for their ongoing support of our podcast. Use code DRJESS to save at Womanizer.com and be sure to check out their SALE section this week.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode. Find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Better Blow Jobs Pt I

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other other half, dr. Jess. You're smiling. Is it because we're talking about blowjobs? Tis is it? It's one of the many reasons I'm smiling. Why else are you smiling? Because our conversation has us very close together today. We are coming at you recording in a very different spot. Today we have to sit very close to making it work. Studio is very different. Today. When we say studio, we use that term quite loosely. I can feel his breath on my cheek. I can feel your heat. Something like that. But we are we're talking blow jobs? Let's do it. You like blow jobs? You know, they're all right. Okay. One to ten. Not in comparison to any physical experience. Like a kick in the balls, for example. One to 1010 being the greatest. One being the least greatest in terms of sexual acts and sexual pleasure and things you've done. Where does the blowjob register? People are going to judge me. I'm going to get some hate comments here. I'm probably like a six and a half or seven. That's actually not a reflection of you. It's a reflection of me, the blowjack. I know, and I know that that's where it's going to go. It's just that there are other things that rank higher for me. Okay, what's higher? The sex. Oh, like intercourse? Yes. Okay, what else? The sex. Anything else? It depends how I feel. I mean, I love a good handy. More than a blow job? It depends on the day. For real. Okay. And the sensitivity. Okay. Yes. All right. So we're going to talk about blow jobs and some techniques. I got a whole bunch of questions on blow jobs. Let me find them here. Okay.

I got a message from someone who wants to know how important are blow jobs? How long should they last? What position should I be in? What techniques are best? How do I use my hands? Should I avoid the balls or go right for them? That's a lot of questions about it. I like the last part of that. Just should just get right at them. Should I stab them, or should I do give them a good tug, just give them a flick. Well, it's interesting because obviously all these answers are highly subjective. What did you put? Blow jobs that on a scale of one to ten, make a six and a half to seven. Okay. All right. And so other folks can send us their numbers. Nice, simple, short emails and messages. Where does the blow job register on my end in terms of blow jobs? Obviously, I don't receive blow jobs because I don't have a dick,

What is hot husbanding, and how can you pursue a threesome safely? Jess weighs in on a question from a hot-husband wife in this quickie episode.



Save 50% off almost any item + FREE shipping + FREE VIP rush processing at AdamAndEve.com with code DRJESS50!

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Hot-Husbanding Threesome Q

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey. Hey. I am flying solo today, excited actually, for a listener question on Hot Husbanding. So we've talked before about hotwifing and we had a hot wife and her partner on the show not so long ago, but we have never talked about Hot Husband and not easy to say husbanding. So I have a lovely note here and I'm going to read through it because it's a little bit long and I want to keep in all the pieces. She says I'm a straight woman who is very happily married to my husband of more than 30 years. He is an incredibly devoted husband and father. We are very interested in participating in FFM. Threesome. So two women, one guy. He proposed it early on in our relationship before we were married or had kids, but I wasn't ready at the time and we are both totally on board now. I've done a ton of research, I've extensively read online articles and forums, I listened to every podcast on the subject, I watched your Ted Talk about monogamish marriages, among other things. And we're very open in our relationship in that we discuss crushes, discuss what we would like to do in bed, what our fantasies are, et cetera. I would like to participate in what is called Hot Husbanding. I have no interest desire to have sex with other men, but I find the idea of watching him be intimate with another woman super hot. I've always gotten very turned on talking about his previous partners early in our relationship and when we've gone to strip clubs on two occasions. I found it incredibly erotic when he received a lap dance and I had no issues with jealousy. I don't want anything hardcore as we want to ease into something like this, but thought we could bathe hot tub together, all three of us rubbing, touching each other and move on to massaging each other. Maybe end with an orgasm for her and a hand job or blow job for my husband to see how we would react to the situation in real life. We don't want to swing or have a poly relationship, but we'd like to experiment with this to see if it would be something we could see ourselves enjoying on occasion. We have talked a lot and we both feel we are ready to make the leap. But I have some concerns. Number one, we are on the older end of the spectrum. I'm 52, my husband is 53. We look like we're in our mid forty s and she asks sorry, I'm just skipping some of the identifying information here. Is our age going to make it impossible to find a match? Number two, we're concerned about contracting an STI even if we practice safe sex. Number three, we're really concerned about uploading pictures with our faces to an online app. We have two adult kids and wouldn't want them to find out. And number four, lastly, from what I understand, lots of bisexual females are interested in couples as they like the idea of playing with a male and a female partner. And in our situation I feel that would really limit our possibilities because we jus...

Boost your sexual confidence and pleasure with some very specific tips and techniques for hotter oral (clitoral edition). From the "cross-my-fingers" to the "pussy pocket," Jess shares 15+ approaches to hotter sex in this quickie episode.

If you're feeling 'inspired' after listening to this podcast and want to add some excitement to the bedroom, check out WeVibe and their extensive list of products to tickle your pickle, vibe your vulva or pleasure the prostate (and more). Use code DRJESS to save when checking out!



Save 25% with code PODCAST for the Mind Blowing Oral on the Happier Couples website.





 

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Better in Bed: 15 Oral Sex Tips

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey. Hey. I hope you are in a good mood already to be put in a good mood because I'm in a good mood right now, mostly because of the topic I'm going to be tackling today. This is better in bed. 15 oral tips and techniques for hotter pleasure, greater excitement, intense orgasms. All for the vulva and the clitoris. And we are just going to dive right in. I've got 15 tips for you today. I think some of them are practical, but many of us need the reminder and some of them are a little bit more technical. Some specific moves and techniques you can try if you want to pleasure yourself or pleasure a partner. I mean, you can't do all of them on yourself unless you're super flexible with your ribs and your ABS and your tongue, but I'm sure you can make do. So let's get started. I'm going to run through these 15 tips. I think it's a bit of a quickie episode today because I am heading out on the Desire Cruise to the Greek Islands and Turkey as well. And I will not have the WiFi on the ship that's strong enough to actually upload a podcast. I'm doing it before I go on my own because Brandon apparently has his own job and I can't afford them. So here we go with 15 oral tips and techniques for the clit and the vulva. So, number one, if you are going down on a partner, regardless of gender, this applies across the board. It doesn't matter what your gender rules are, what your gender identity is, get yourself turned on, okay? So focus on your own pleasure while you go down on them. I think good lovers, generous lovers, sometimes hold themselves back by being too hung up on their partner's reaction, by being too hung up on the technique, by being too into being good in bed. So kind of counterintuitive. But focus on yourself. So get yourself turned on. The more you enjoy yourself, the more your partner will enjoy the experience, the more you'll follow the natural rhythm of their body, of their hips, rather than getting hung up on their specific response or a specific outcome or whether you can do a specific technique. So how do you do that? How do you get turned on? Maybe you fantasize, maybe you touch yourself. Maybe you rub yourself. Maybe you insert or wrap a toy, whatever, around your body. Make sure that you are aroused while you go down on them. And this is also going to help them, especially folks who have evolva have probably received negative messages about our genitals, right, growing up and into adulthood. It doesn't taste good,

Emma and Fin met in middle school, started dating in college, and have been practising non-monogamy for 15 years. They share their story of falling in love, navigating double dates with other couples, and eventually exploring polyamory as part of a quad. We promise that - their story and insights are valuable regardless of whether you're monogamous or non-monogamous, so have a listen!

Emma and Fin's podcast, Normalizing Non-Monogamy can be followed on their Instagram and check out their website here.

Save 50% off almost any item + FREE shipping + FREE gifts at AdamAndEve.com with code DRJESS!

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.



Non-Monogamy: One Couples' Story

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm co host Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey. Today we are talking about non monogamy with MN Finn, the host of Normalizing Non Monogamy. This is a podcast, and they've been exploring non monogamy themselves for over 15 years, personally together. And each week on their podcast, they interview different people who are exploring ethical non monogamy totally in their own individual ways. And their hope is that if they can get enough people to share those stories and get them out into the world, that it'll really provide a resource and community for anyone who is considering non monogamy, because it's not always an easy path, given the toxic monogamous culture in which we live. And overall, their mission is really just to inspire people to embrace their true selves so that together we can all open minds and live authentically without shame. No easy task. Thank you so much for being here. Ms. Fan, how are you doing today? Thank you so much for having us. We're really excited, and we're just doing great this morning. We're really excited for this conversation. Yeah, thank you. Thanks for having us.

And this as your mission. So helping people to embrace their true selves and live authentically without shame, my goodness, that's a heavy task. A fun one, an interesting one, I'm sure, a very meaningful one, but not easy. And I think what you're doing is really exceptional because you're sharing real stories and you also share a lot about your story. And I absolutely encourage people to go check out your podcast, Normalizing Non Monogamy. And also, before you get there, I would love to hear your story. So I read that you met in 7th grade, and you've been together since freshman year in college, and you've been together a long time, and you're now in this happy non monogamous relationship. So let's start with the story of how you met and kind of how this relationship came to be. Yeah, sure. So we met yeah, as you just said, we met in 7th grade. We were friends throughout high school, middle school, and high school. And then we started dating in college. And from very early on, we started to have the conversation, probably about a year after we started dating, about opening our relationship and what that might mean and what that might look like. We were very naive. We didn't know what we were doing at all, but we were open to having the conversations. And I'll let Finn tell a little bit of that story since he wa...

Do you know how to offer support when a loved one is stressed out? Do you feel supported when you're distressed?

This week, we share an exercise to help you talk about; your specific needs to deepen your understanding and get more of what you want (and less of what you don't want) in your relationships.

Our friends at We-Vibe have an extensive list of toys to help you spice up your bedroom (or any room) adventures. Use code DRJESS to save when checking out.



Save 50% off almost any item + FREE shipping + FREE VIP rush processing at AdamAndEve.com with code DRJESS50!

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to be more understanding & supportive (and get more of what you need)

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon. We are here with my always lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey. So today we are talking about understanding your partner, how to really understand your partner's feelings and needs and how to support them when they're maybe not feeling as good as they'd like to be feeling. I think today might be case in point for me. One of those days I want to understand. Well, let me start there. Do you feel you understand me? Well, yes, I think that I understand you. Well, you're smiling. It makes me wonder. Maybe I don't, but I think I do. How do you know either how I'm feeling or what I need? Through your words, you're very clear and literal communicator. No, you really are. And I think people interpret that as being very what's the word? Atype dominant. But I think that you're a very literal communicator. So that's one way. And the second way is your body language and another way yeah, well, I was going to say the noises that you make. Do you make a lot of noises? You make a lot of noises. Yeah, and I usually can infer from the noises what it is. Actually, if you ever see Jess and you see her working on a computer, you know who she's talking to, you know, if it's a funny email, she'll be sitting on her computer and drafting an email. And it's like watching someone practicing facial expressions. It's like the big smile. I'm like, I'm actually waiting for you to bust out in a laughter, and then you'd be typing another email, and then all of a sudden, you actually frown. Like you full on frown. And I looked at you one time, I'm like, Are you okay? Are you reading something? And you're like, I'm reading this email, I'm so upset right now. And I'm just like, well, I could tell because your face was crunched up. And that face that you make when you're disappointed when I'm typing my emails, and I guess when I read my emails, I don't even realize it, but there's like a whole dramatic play going on that plays out on my face.

People wear their emotions on their sleeve. Mine is totally on my forehead, my nose, my mouth, my eyes. Those are three ways that I feel like I understand you. Your literal words, your body language, and then your sounds and your facial expressions. It's interesting that you say that I'm literal, and I noticed that with you. I'm very clear about how I'm feeling, what I want. But with other people in my life, I'm not. I really struggle to, I think, honestly show anything but,

Jess and Brandon discuss research - related to the most common sexual fantasies — from threesomes and group sex to sex with older partners and more. They also share a bit about their own fantasies, and Jess talks about the fantasies she hears about from clients. Finally, they share strategies to open up to your partner(s) about your most intimate fantasies.

For further reading on fantasies, check out these links below:

What exactly is an unusual sexual fantasy
Is it my overactive imagination. The effects of contextually activated attachment insecurity on sexual fantasies
Sexual fantasies and viewing times across the menstrual cycle. A diary study

 

Are sex toys a part of your fantasy? If so, use the code DRJESS when shopping with We-Vibe to save! Have fun and let the vibrations elevate your arousal!



Save 50% off almost any item + FREE shipping + FREE VIP rush processing at AdamAndEve.com with code DRJESS50!



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

The Most Common Sexual Fantasies (And How To Talk About Them)

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, are you ready to talk sexual fantasies? Are you in a fantasy mood? Like, I know you're not in a great mood today. What? I'm not talking about I'm in a great mood. You're not cranky, but you're something that rhymes with cranky. Okay, yes, I might have been somewhat irritable earlier today, but that phase has passed to a new phase. I'm in a great mood now. You keep telling yourself that. Yeah, exactly. Okay, sexual fantasies. All right. Do you have a lot of them? No, not right now. When did you have a lot of them? Between the ages of twelve and probably 22. Do you think it was an age thing or do you think it was a lack of sex? I think it was both. Probably a lot of the first point there. Actually, no, it was the latter. It was definitely the latter. What am I talking about? Let's be real. You met me at 23. I did. That's why I had a lot of fantasies before because I didn't have that much sex. Well, you had that year in between, I guess, 22 to 23 where you had a lot of sex. No. Yeah. I don't know. Anyway, no. Super awkward. Yeah. I'm kind of like stumbling over my words because as a teenager, I fantasize a lot. Did not have a lot of sex. What did you fantasize about? Inanimate animate objects. The chair, the lamp, grass. Wind you up. A grass. You know what? Maybe I should say these are the things that got me going at the time. Oh, you didn't fantasize it. But rubbing up against them. They were just things that caused me to think sexual thoughts. So what were the sexual thoughts when you eventually got there? I've always been somebody who's been more interested in fantasizing about non celebrity people. It was always attainable. People. No, really? It was never. People would be like, oh, I love to get with I'm going to date myself when I start talking. Are you going to say? Carmen Electra? No, I wasn't going to say cartra. I thought you're going to say Carmen Electra. Cindy Crawford. You really are old. Yes, I know, right? She's beautiful.

When should you start talking about porn (literacy)?
How can you support a teen who has been sexting?
How do you explain where babies come from to a 4-year-old?
What is the first thing parents should teach kids about sex?
What are some ethical porn sites for 18+-years-olds?

Dr. Karen Rayne, author, educator, and executive director of UnHushed, joins us to answer your questions about sex education and how to talk to youth about sex & relationships.

UNHUSHED curricula empower people, making it possible for individuals of all ages to make honest, ethical, and empathy-based decisions about their sexuality. Their resources provide the knowledge needed to make crucial decisions and the tools to communicate with current and potential partners. Their curricula and lessons plans are comprehensive (covering birth to adulthood), innovative, fun, inclusive & revised yearly to be on the cutting edge of the constantly evolving sexuality education field

Check them out and be sure to check out our sponsors AdamAndEve.com — save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping with code DRJESS.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Talk To Youth About Sex, Porn & Sexting

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Hey, it's the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. And today we're talking about the most important topic. In my opinion, this is the reason I got into the field. Most of you know that I was a high school teacher, that I saw the gaps in the system, and I went back and did my research around sexual health education. And of course, we talk about all sorts of things on this program. But we're getting back to me, really what the roots of my work in this field really are, and that is sexual health education. Today I am joined by Dr. Karen Rain, who has been working in education for 20 years with expertise in sexuality education. She has a PhD in Educational psychology from the University of Texas at Austin, where she focused on ethics education and the choices that adolescent mothers make. She is the executive director of UnHushed. This is sex ed done right resources and curriculum that I hope you will all check out. Dr. Karen Rain, thank you so much for being here. Thanks for having me. Jess it's a pleasure to be here. Tell us a little bit about anhushed this project that you have launched and you are leading, and I know you have an entire team alongside of you. I do, yeah. My formal education started in being a high school teacher as well, actually. And I don't know how many people know this, but I was going to teach English with chemistry as my secondary subject. And then I got into the schools and I was like, oh, I can't use these really fun, innovative methods that I've learned about in my college career.

So I'm back to college and got a PhD in educational psychology, learned a whole bunch of new fun ways to talk with students in classrooms and ways to do education. I was kind of casting about for what to do with this PhD in educational psychology that I was walking away with and kind of fell into sex education because I had a friend who had a 14 year old who had a pregnancy scare. And so I was like, well, my friend was like,

This week, we share advice for shy couples at a sex club -- how to meet new people, language to open conversations, and how to prep for awkward conversations.

Shout out to AdamAndEve.com, out wonderful sponsor for this podcast. And remember you can get 50% OFF almost any single item and received some Free gifts and Free shipping with my my code DRJESS.


Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to meet at a sex club

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Weir, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, how are you? I'm good. I'm interested in this topic today because it's about shyness. That is something that I don't think you are I'm not familiar with. Although I was shy when I was younger, and in certain environments, I'm not really shy, but I'm intimidated. Do you mean right now? What do you mean? When you were younger? No, now, like, you know that there are certain groups that I find where I don't feel like I fit in, where I feel like I'm an outsider. I'm not shy, but I'm uncomfortable, so maybe I actually overcompensate for my discomfort by being extraverted. You're definitely not shy. No, I'm not shy. I don't know if I find myself being the same as you being uncomfortable, like, not saying anything in certain environments, but I have found myself saying less in certain environments these days. But I think you're more comfortable with yourself. I think you were raised to make conversation with people in a culturally appropriate way, where I was raised to just, like, chat nonsense to everyone or stay hidden in a corner. I'm good at talking small talk. Yeah, you are good at small talk. I think I am. I will make a quick comment that post pandemic or I know we're not the pandemic is not over. Let me be clear. However, I do find myself at a loss sometimes. The first few social vest, you may tell, is like, I breathe. You breathe, too. Let's be friends. We have so much in common. Hair. Hair. It's getting better. So, yeah, I actually have found myself in the same boat where conversation used to flow more freely. And since the onset of the pandemic, I feel maybe I have a little less to talk about or things feel very heavy, so I don't want to make the same type of small talk. But then people are also tired of talking about COVID, and then there are more awkward silences. Yeah, there's a lot happening here. But before we jump into this very interesting conversation, let's give a show to the sponsor, Adam and Eve.com. Promo code. Doctor Jess, what did you say the last time? Rub your knob, tickle your pickle. All sorts of great things. And what are they also offering in addition to the 50% off discount code? So it's 50% off almost any single item, free shipping and a few free goodies with code Doctor Jess at Adam and Eve.com. Amazing.

All right, let's get to your question. So this lovely person wrote in and says, my partner and I recently ventured out and attended Oasis for the first time.

Should I use Kegel balls?
What's a good prostate toy that's not too big?
Can I isolate my vaginal and anal muscles in pelvic floor contractions?
Do I have a wedding ring fetish?

Jess answers your questions on this week's quickie episode.

Here's a special offer for our listeners: save 25% off on Happier Couples Inc with code PODCAST. Check out the Mindful Sex course or learn a few techniques with Mind Blowing Oral.

Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Sex Q&A Quickie

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey, Jess O'Reilly here for a quickie episode of the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast, and today I will be answering your questions. If you have questions, head on over to Sex with the Doctors jess.com and send them in, and I will do my best to get to them in the upcoming weeks and months. Today we're going to be talking about the pelvic floor vaginal eggs. I have a question about prostate toys and looking forward to hopefully sharing some useful insights that benefit everyone, whether you are the person who sent in the question or not. Before we get started, I want to mention that I am running a promo on my website, happiercouples.com, and you can save 25% off all of the video courses, so mindful sex last longer in bed. The oral sex course is all about blow jobs, hand jobs, touching, cunningas, going down, and anything else you see on there that might interest you. So use code podcast to save 25% at happiercouples.com. Let's dive into these questions.

The first one is short and sweet. I love it. Do vaginal eggs work? Okay, so vaginal eggs or balls are inserted into the vaginal canal and people usually use them to work on their pelvic floor. But here's the thing. Eggs or balls, what they do is they help to give you some biofeedback so that you can actually feel your pelvic floor muscles and identify them. They give you something physical to feel inside of you, but they're not necessary. They're not actually doing anything on their own. So it's not as though or doing kegels with a pelvic floor ball or egg is more beneficial. That's not the case. People just find them useful because it helps them to identify those pelvic floor muscles. But once you've learned to identify your pelvic floor muscles, they're really not necessary. And pelvic floor therapists will tell you to use them with supervision because they are not good for all conditions. So, for example, they might maybe recommend them for someone with weakness, but they definitely wouldn't recommend them for someone with pain or tension oftentimes. And again, I'm not a pelvic floor therapist. So if you find them useful and they're not causing any issues for you because some people will find that they are more prone to infection or pain, you know your body best, right? So if it's working for you, sure, go ahead and use them. But if possible, please see a pelvic floor physiotherapist so that they can tell you if they're going to do more harm than good.

How can you prepare for a hookup if you'll be partying with drugs & alcohol?
What protection should you use for different types of sex?
How do I talk to my teens about hookups?

Jess discuss hookups -- in college and beyond.



Check out our sponsor AdamAndEve.com and remember to use my code DRJESS to get 50% OFF almost any single item + FREE gifts and FREE shipping.

Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Hooking Up Safely

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Hey, Jess here all on my lonesome to talk about hooking up safely, specifically in the context of college. But I think it applies across the board because I received a question, a lovely question from a lovely listener who I've heard from you before, actually, and she says, my twin daughters are going into senior year, so that's grade twelve for Canadians, so they're not far off from college. I've always talked to them about sex, everything and anything, but now I realize that I haven't talked to them about sex, culture and hooking up and what specifically they can do to be safe and make sure it feels good for them. Can you share some language to help me talk about drugs and drinking and what protection to use for different sex acts? I'm sharing some specific questions below if that helps you to understand what I'm looking for. All right. This is perfect because we were recently talking about the culture of sex on college campuses in the United States and across North America. And I think we need to talk about the specifics of like, how do we plan for this and make sex pleasurable and consensual and amazing and positive. We're just neutral because not every experience is going to be amazing. And I think that talking about drinking and doing drugs is a really important piece. And the first part of this person's question asks, if you're going to be drinking or doing drugs, how do you make sure hookups are safe? And of course, once we introduce substances that impair our judgment and affect our emotional functioning, our cognitive functioning or physical functioning, it can change sex. So I think one of the most important pieces and when I do work with young people, I ask them to consider what do you want to do before you start drinking or using drugs? Because if you plan on doing either or both of these things, of course you can always have the option to stay sober. But if you do plan to do these things, your desires can kind of change over the course of an evening. And you may find seems as though your boundary shift as you get to know a new partner. And so identifying your desires in advance while your mind is clear, while you're sober, can help you to make decisions that feel good in the heat of the moment, right, that you're going to feel good about the next d...

Not everyone loves having their clitoris touched. In this episode, we hear from a listener who has a specific list of dos & don'ts - when it comes to sexual pleasure. We explore different types of orgasms and pathways to pleasure beyond the clit.

Here's a special offer for our listeners: save 25% off on Happier Couples Inc with code PODCAST. Check out the Mindful Sex course or learn a few techniques with Mind Blowing Oral.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

When the clitoris doesn't work

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost, brad Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half of Dr. Jess. Hello. Today we are answering one of your questions about the clitoris and orgasm, and I'm going to dive right into it. It's a bit of a long question, but hopefully we'll have a fairly succinct answer for you. All right. This person writes in to say, I am a female in my early thirty s and finally settling into a safe, long term relationship. He is an amazing partner, but currently our intimacy is on some sort of a pause. He has a pretty active sexual history, past partners, but in terms of variety, he's pretty limited. This has posed a problem for us as it's difficult for him to understand my list of sex do's and don'ts. I know that sounds horrible that I even have a list. No, it doesn't. But I find that this is the only way I can enjoy the moment. Number one, no direct clip play. Number two limit nipple play. These two are without a doubt the most confusing. They both feel great to me at first, but I find myself literally going into sort of a system overload within minutes. From there, I'm no longer interested in the rest of the romp. No more touching, nothing. I'm just learning this about myself. So I'm finding it hard to communicate to him without him feeling like he isn't doing it right, particularly because this is what he's used to. We do have open discussions about our sexual preferences, but this one is a mystery. I'm even at the point where if this is an orgasm, I can firmly say that I hate it. This has created serious bedroom anxiety for both of us. And then she asks, is this common? Is this a thing? How can I strike a balance where he isn't under so much pressure? And I'm calling out instructions. How can I experience another type of orgasm? I am so grateful that you wrote in to share your story because the short answer is that you're totally normal.

So many people aboard having their clitoral, head and nipples directly stimulated, especially as arousal builds, because these highly sensitive, highly innovated erectile zones just become too sensitive. And in our conversations around not jamming things in the box and doing more than jack hammering, there has become so much focus on hey, stimulate the clit. But what we need to emphasize is that the external head of the clitoris is only the tip of the iceberg. When you vibe, when you lick, when you touch, when you suck, flick, rub against it, it can actually feel like too much, just as it would if you did those things over and over again to the very tip of the penis because they're homologous. So overstimulating the head,

What do sex and music have in common, and what's the best music to enhance your sexual experience? Jess and Brandon explore the erotic-musical connection and share their ideal sex playlists. Check out Brandon's playlist here (remember to sign into your Spotify account to access the playlist) and enjoy Tchaikovsky's 1812 Overture here.

Check out our sponsor AdamAndEve.com and remember to use my code DRJESS to get 50% OFF almost any single item + FREE gifts and FREE shipping.

Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Sex playlists!

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Doctor Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. I'm here with my lovely other half, Doctor Jess. Hey, how are you? I'm good. I'm ready to talk music and sex. This is going to be a quickie episode. You're going to be getting many more quickies over the course of the summer. YouTube. Brandon well, thank you for that. I thought I was doing the intro today. But before we jump into things, let's give a shout out to Adam and Eve and their discount code for anyone shopping online for sex toys, lingerie, things that tickle, things that vibrate, things. What else tickle? Your pickle, rub your nub. These are all my one liners. Adam and Eve.com use code doctor Jess for a 50% off discount. Yes, that's right. 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping. And they're throwing in some free goodies for you as well, Adam andeve.com all right, let's get into it because like I said, this is a quickie episode and it's all about music and sex. So I'm trying to get to some of your questions, and they're piling up, so I'm getting to them. Now, this person says, I heard you say that we should play music to get in the mood and drown out the sounds. In our house. We have three little ones under six. Man, they've been busy. Yeah, they've been busy. A lot of kids. All right. And he goes on to say, but we can't agree on what music to play. So do you have a playlist you recommend? All right, so we don't listen to music as much as I would like to in the bedroom. We listen to music in the house all the time. There's usually always music playing on the main floor. But what's going on in the bedroom? Why aren't we playing our music? Don't have time to get to it. Can't hit play on the playlist, man. We're done. By the time the music starts, it's over. Would that be your playlist? I'd be like, yeah, I can't get a heart on do you know who that is? That's from your era? No. Is it like Corey Hart? I have no clue. Is Corey Hart the one who wears his sunglasses at night? He does wear his sunglasses at night. I got some pop culture references. I'm excited to talk music and sex because they have so much in common. So we know that music just moves you. It moves you physically, it moves you emotionally. And sex, of course, does the same thing. And one thing I notice as someone who loves music is that you naturally find yourself kind of swaying to the beat for me, at least moving my hips for you. And maybe it's your shoulders. Does my whiteness come out?

Why does sexual desire plummet and how can you get it back? This week - Jess shares specific tools, tips, and strategies to reignite sexual desire. She also explores the concept of responsive vs. spontaneous desire, the Fire & Ice list, and more!

Here's a special offer for our listeners: save 25% off on Happier Couples Inc with code PODCAST. Check out the Mindful Sex course or learn a few techniques with Mind Blowing Oral.



Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with Lovehoney, Lovehoney, We-Vibe and Womanizer! Use code DRJESS15 to save at and be sure to check out their sale section for amazing deals.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to get your libido back
Dr. Jess: You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.
Hey, hey, it's Jess here and today we are talking about how to get your libido back because I receive many questions around this topic but the latest is from a mother of two kids who's been married for five years.
And she says, I've always liked sex, but after two kids and five years of marriage, I'm just not into it anymore, and it's causing problems in my relationship. I'm totally attracted to my husband, but I'm just never in the mood, and I want to get my libido back. I think this is a pretty common experience. I think so many of us will see ourselves in this person, whether we have kids or not, whether we're married or not, regardless of gender or relationship arrangement.
And I want to begin. by talking about the [00:01:00] reasons we lose our libido, because each of the reasons that we lose libido, or interest in sex is probably a more appropriate language, can hold a potential pathway to getting it back. And that's a piece that I think maybe I should begin with, that libido can be a bit of a misnomer when we consider it a sex drive.
Because a drive, you know, the drive to eat, the drive to sleep, the drive to drink water, those Drives are essential to survival of the individual, but sex drive is not essential to the survival of the individual. Yes, you know, theoretically we need to have sex to reproduce, but now we've got all these new technologies So we don't have to and many of us are having types of sex that aren't going to lead to reproduction anyway So i'd like to use the word sexual desire as opposed to Libido or a sex drive and there are so many factors that affect sexual desire.
So first i'm going to say that It's okay to not be in the mood for sex. Some people actually never desire sex. And this can be a really perfectly healthy baseline for those folks. Just as some [00:02:00] people don't crave sugar or salt. Some people don't want to have sex and that is okay. I realized that this is not the case for this listener because they say they always like having sex, but if you don't desire sex and you don't want to have sex, that is perfectly fine if that is your baseline.
It doesn't mean that you're broken. I know that we love to pathologize and say that, Oh, if you're not in the mood for sex, it's your diet or it's your exercise or it's your attitude or you have to relinquish shame. But for some people, they're just not into it and that's okay. And then the second piece, before we get into the factors that affect des...

How can you recognize sexual harassment & what can you do to stop it?
What language can you use to interrupt a harasser?
How can you start a conversation with a stranger in a respectful way?

We share strategies for being an ally, speaking up, and stopping harassment at the gym and beyond.

Consent & pleasure go hand-in-hand. Explore pleasure (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and Womanizer.com be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to stop sexual harassment

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, today we've got a serious topic. We are talking sexual harassment. Let me ask you, what do you know about sexual harassment? I know that it happens all the time, every day, to every woman out there, everywhere we go, everywhere. So you can never let your guard down. So growing up, did you learn about sexual harassment? Was there anyone who taught you how to not sexually harass people? The basics where you're not I mean, my parents telling me to be respectful, but there was no kind of context. There was no examples, no role model behavior, no suggestions on what to do, what to say, how to stop it, anything like that. And I'm sure over the course of your lifetime, you've said and done things that were harassing. Yes, I have. So was it just when you think about being a kid or a teenager, was it normalized? And that's not to make an excuse. You're still responsible for your behavior, was it normalized? Yes, it was. In the environments that I'm reflecting back on, it was okay to speak about women in a misogynistic way.

Misogynist way? Yeah. I mean, these environments, it was encouraged, and no one stepped up. And I'm thinking a lot about group sports, hockey, some of my workplaces where it was primarily men, and just the way that it was constantly discussed and how no one really stepped up to say, this isn't okay. When you think about some of those male dominated workplaces, there were women there. Yes, there were. And so do you remember seeing incidents of harassment, or was it more just like a vibe you remember? Not the specifics. It's more a vibe. And the women worked at the so I'm talking about when I worked in warehouses when I was in high school and in university, and the women where I work tend to work at the front facing administrative coordinator roles. And the men worked in the warehouse, moving boxes and shipping trucks and doing things like that. So there was a separation of space, but in those maledominated spaces in the back, it was common to speak about women in a demeaning manner. When I reflect back on it, for sure, here's what I'm going to suggest. I'm going to suggest that the women who are in the front heard you. Yes, of course they did. And I should also kind of go on and just add to that. It's not just when I worked in warehouses and when I played hockey and when I played sports. It was most definitely in more corporate environments as well. Absolutely. Behind closed doors when women were out of earshot,

Want to have hotter sex on your summer vacation? It starts with a harmonious relationship. This week, we share tips and strategies to help you enjoy a smooth ride -- whether you're traveling by plane, train or automobile. From the 80/20 rule to love letters at 30,000 feet, we've got you covered.

Have fun on your trip and try something new! Check out www.HappierCouples.com and Dr. Jess' Mindful Sex, Mindblowing Oral (Penis and Clit Editions), Last Longer in Bed and other courses to liven up your sex life. Get 25% OFF when you use code PODCAST.

Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Fighting on vacation? How to have a happy (& hotter) trip

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hello. Hey, how are you? Excellent. I'm excellent. It's the start of summer. It's warm. There are hibiscus growing on my back deck. They're blooming. I am so happy about this. My plan for the summer was to take a break from the podcast, which is why we are not I thought you were going to say why you're doing quickie episodes. We'll be doing quickie episodes throughout the summer, so hopefully there's still going to be some really good content here for you. But it will be a little bit shorter. Not as short as I would like it to be. Probably not as short as you would like it to be. Hey, listen, I can do quick. Yeah, I can do quick. Whatever you need. I have this idea for seven minutes of sex, but I talk too much. Danny, think done in seven minutes. But lots of people going on holiday these days, and today we're going to be talking about just that, because I received a question on Instagram that I love from a listener who writes in, we are going on holiday for the first time in two and a half years. Every time we travel together, we have blowouts. I love to travel. My wife doesn't mind it, but she's not as comfortable in hotels and planes and foreign countries. Once we almost got kicked out of our hotel resort, but that's a story for another day. I like those kind of blowouts, that's passion. You two are always traveling together, and you look so happy. But maybe not just Instagram question mark. We do look happy. I mean, I feel pretty happy. Doesn't mean we don't have the occasional debate. I'm happy if I'm fed. Yes, you are. I don't post pictures until I've eaten, and most of my pictures are food.

Okay, so back to the question. Any advice for traveling together and keeping things calm? We leave for Europe for the very first time in July. Well, that's awesome. I'm super excited that you're going to visit Europe for the first time. Yeah. That's exciting. I want to ask, where are you going? But there's no one to answer. I don't know. I'm sure we talked about our first trip to Europe together and the fight that we had on the sidewalk in Barcelona. I remember level headed. Yeah. It was pre smartphones, or we probably had smartphones, but we didn't have the money to activate the data plan. $100 a day,

What’s sex like on college campuses?
Who is having more sex/hookups?
What role does religion play in college sex?
Have college students bridged the orgasm gap?

Dr. Aditi Paul, author, researcher, and professor joins us to share the results of her research with college students. She shares insights on international students’ sex habits, sugar-dating, Greek life, and much more.

Check out Dr. Aditi Paul's book "The Current Collegiate Hookup Culture," and be sure to follow her on her Twitter and Facebook pages.

Thank you to AdamAndEve.com for their ongoing support of our program. Please use code DRJESS when shopping to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping.

 

Don't forget to check out www.HappierCouples.com and Dr. Jess' Mindful Sex, Mindblowing Oral (Penis and Clit Editions), Last Longer in Bed and other courses to liven up your sex life. Get 25% OFF when you use code PODCAST.



Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Hookup Culture, Sugar-Dating & College Sex

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey. Today we are talking hookup culture and the current collegiate hookup culture with Dr. Adity Paul, the author of the book by that same name, the Current Collegiate Hookup Culture. So we're going to find out what is happening in college. I can tell you all about my hookup experience in college. What was that? It was nonexistent other than you that one night. That one night at one time you hooked up with me. There were people who hooked up with you before me? Very few. There was that exhaust pipe incident. There was a banana peel. There was. You used to hang out at a bar called Hooterville. I did what? Hooterville the Rock. And was it $2 drinks? It was. Hey, don't knock the two dollar drinks. I'm pretty sure you worked at a place that was $2 drinks. Yeah, I bartended and no, I waitressed at a bar called My Apartment, and it was $2 drinks. And as a waitress, you could sell back then, like, $3,000 a night, and there were a gazillion of us waitresses. When it's $2 drinks, people can drink. Well, you can waste drinks when they're $2. You don't care. You didn't waste drinks. I didn't waste drinks. I had no money. I'm going out tonight with $6. You drank people's left and bridge drinks. Admitted, no, but I had a friend that did that. We had a friend that did that recently. Who? Did you remember? No. Where were we? Mike. Yeah, I know it's Mike. We're throwing Mike under the bus here. We were out, and now, in his defense, he accidentally grabbed a drink. He thought it was his drink, and he just started drinking it. I don't remember. I don't think he stopped drinking it. But he drank somebody else's drink. Well, you know, two dollar drinks. All right, so two dollar drinks can often lead to other things, and that's what we're going to be discussing t...

What do you do when one partner wants to open up the relationship; and the other wants to stay monogamous?
How do you broach the topic?
What issues tend to arise among discordant couples?

Dr. Liz Powell is an author, sex educator, keynote speaker, and licensed psychologist specializing in non-traditional relationships. They join us to weigh in on this topic and share their perspective as a therapist who also identifies as polyamorous.

Over the last 4 years, Liz's book, Building Open Relationships, has helped non-monogamous people around the world grow and strengthen their relationship(s). One person even said it was the “most helpful, up-to-date book on ethical non-monogamy.”

Building Open Relationships is a practical, applied resource to help you navigate the world of ethical non-monogamy. As a sex educator and psychologist, Liz believes that Great Sex Can Change The World; and is on a mission to help as many people as they can - to understand and embrace the sexual revolution that’s happening in the world right now. While they are so glad the book has been able to reach so many folks and provide them with some resources, they know that there are folks who haven't been able to access it yet because, until now, it's only been available in print and e-book.

Because their mission is to help as many people as they can, they believe that they have a responsibility to make their work accessible to all, so they're doing an Indiegogo campaign so that they can finally record an audiobook! Click here to find out more.

Don't forget to give Dr. Liz a follow on Instagram and Twitter!

Thank you to AdamAndEve.com for their ongoing support of our program. Please use code DRJESS when shopping to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping.

Don't forget to check out www.HappierCouples.com and Dr. Jess' Mindful Sex, Mindblowing Oral (Penis and Clit Editions), Last Longer in Bed and other courses to liven up your sex life. Get 25% OFF when you use code PODCAST.



Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Discordant Couples: When One Partner Wants An Open Relationship

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and Relationship Advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your coach co host, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, we are going to get right into it because our guest is ready to go. The lovely Dr. Liz Powell is a psychologist, a sex educator, a speaker, an incredible author of Building Open Relationships, which is a guide that I've recommended in the past. It's a really practical resource to help you navigate the world of ethical non monogamy. It's not just the theory. It's also like, well, here are some things I should think about. Here are some things that I might want to reflect upon. Here are some ways to start that conversation. This book has been super helpful to me, super helpful to many clients. So I'm super excited to have Dr.

What are erotic embodiments?
Why should we all consider erotic role models?
How do we embrace and expand pleasure in our bodies?
What are the benefits of learning about gender beyond the binary — personally and professionally?
How can thinking beyond the gender binary lead to more pleasure?

Dr. Lucie Fielding, therapist and author of Trans Sex: Clinical Approaches to Trans Sexualities and Erotic Embodiments, shares her experience, insights, and advice.

Lucie Fielding (English: she/they; Français: elle/iel) is a queer, non-binary femme, and a therapist practicing in Virginia and Washington. She holds an MA in Counseling Psychology at Pacifica Graduate Institute (2018) as well as a PhD in French from Northwestern University (2008), where she specialized in erotic literature. Their background in literature attunes them to the many ways that cultural scripts inscribe themselves on our bodies and can inform our embodied erotic lives. In addition to their work as a therapist, Lucie is an Adjunct Professor in the Sex Therapy Certificate Program at Antioch University-Seattle as well as a sex educator and workshop facilitator.

Thank you to our sponsor,  AdamandEve.com — they're still offering 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping by using my code DRJESS. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

If you haven't yet, take a listen to Patricia Nilsson (reporter) and Alex Barker (global media editor) from Financial Times podcast, Hot Money.

Don't forget to check out www.HappierCouples.com and Dr. Jess' Mindful Sex, Mindblowing Oral (Penis and Clit Editions), Last Longer in Bed and other courses to liven up your sex life. Get 25% OFF when you use code PODCAST.



Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:


This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Erotic Embodiments & Polymorphously Perverse Playgrounds of Pleasure

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and Relationship advice you can use Tonight welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, I want to say a big thank you to folks who have been sending in questions and comments, but also well wishes, I guess because we sounds sick or we've been saying we're sick. A bunch of people have written in and I've received more questions for the podcast over the last couple of weeks than I normally do. And I promise you we're going to get to them ASAP and try and get to all of them. I always do my best. I know I can't address every single thing, but if you did write in, thank you for the well wishes and we've got your questions and I promise we are slotting them in to share some thoughts. And oftentimes what I'm trying to do, if you're wondering why I don't get to them right away, is I'm trying to find a really good expert who's perhaps better equipped to address than just the two of us. And I'm excited for today's conversation. Before we get to it, a reminder about the Hot Money podcast,

How do you begin to process trauma?
How do you know if you need to process past trauma?
Is it ever too late to process trauma?
What are some ways to process trauma beyond psychotherapy?
Why do we sometimes become “evangelical” about going to therapy?
How can writing be therapeutic?

Author and psychotherapist; Farzana Doctor - shares her personal story of breaking up, falling in love & exploring polyamory — all while going through peri-menopause. She shares insights on processing trauma later in life, rethinking self-disclosure in therapy, and writing as a form of healing. She also shares a reading from her new book of poetry, You Still Look The Same.

Stay up to date with Farzana; by following her on social media - Twitter and Instagram.

Special thanks to our new sponsor this week. Wherever you get listen to your podcasts, take a listen to Hot Money with hosts Patricia Nilsson (reporter) and Alex Barker (global media editor) from Financial Times.

 

Don't forget to check out www.HappierCouples.com and Dr. Jess' Mindful Sex, Mindblowing Oral (Penis and Clit Editions), Last Longer in Bed and other courses to liven up your sex life. Get 25% OFF when you use code PODCAST.



Have fun and explore your body (and your partner's) in the bedroom with We-Vibe and Womanizer!  Use code DRJESS to save at WeVibe.com and be sure to check out their sale section this week.



If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Trauma & Therapy & Writing As A form of Healing

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co co host, Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. I like hearing your voice through the mic. It's a different Brandon. Is it sultry and raspy? It's better than real life Brandon. No. Yeah, it is. Well, it's a little deep right now because you're sick. But we'll get to that. This week. We have a brand new sponsor, and it is a new podcast altogether, the Hot Money Podcast. So this is a new series all about the porn industry and the money that fuels it. It's hosted in research by two Financial Times reporters who kind of started digging into the porn industry. And they found that even though porn obviously relies on performers to literally bear it, all the information about the people and the businesses and the money running the industry is hidden away like some sort of a state secret. So on the Hot Money Podcast, their hosts, Patricia Nielsen and Alex Barker, they're taking listeners inside the porn industry to uncover who is really pulling the strings. So their reporting reveals a story that goes way beyond a single person. It's really a story that includes billionaires and tech geniuses and some of the most powerful finance companies in the world. So this is the Hot Money Podcast. And you can listen to the Hot Money Podcast wherever you get your podcast. And hopefully you're already subscribing to this one. So you can go ahead and check out Hot Money. Now, Brandon and I, you may be able to hear are under the weather. And actually we're feeling really good, but our voices and throats are not.

From physical techniques to setting the scene and riling them up, Dr. Jess shares tips, strategies, and approaches to pleasure and orgasm. Be sure to shop WeVibe.com with code DRJESS to save on all toys including the We-Vibe TouchX, Nova 2 & the beautiful Melt.



Don't forget to check out www.HappierCouples.com and Dr. Jess' Mindful Sex, Mindblowing Oral (Penis and Clit Editions), Last Longer in Bed and other courses to liven up your sex life. Get 25% OFF when you use code PODCAST.



 

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How do I give my partner an orgasm?

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight.

Participant #1:
Hey, this is the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Am. Jess O'Reilly sexologist. And I am totally too on my own today. Brandon is off at work making up for lost time because we have both just returned from a couple of weeks on the road over in Europe. So we were hosting two couples retreats together, and then we were on board the Desire clothing optional couple's crews also hosting workshops. And because that was really more of a work thing for me, he was away from away from the office, away from clients. And he is out making up for lost time today. So it's just me. But I'm quite thrilled to be talking about today's topic on my own. You will hear from my voice that I am definitely under the weather. So this is going to be a little bit of a quickie, but I think still rich in detail and hopefully useful information for everyone out there. I received a couple of different emails from two very different listeners, if I understand these emails correctly. So one is a young guy in College, and one is an older gentleman who has been with his wife for decades and decades. And I got some very specific questions about how to make your partner orgasm. And I really appreciate these questions. I'm really thankful that these two guys and many people out there are really thinking about their partner's pleasure and really looking to prioritize their partner's pleasure. And so the questions came in kind of similarly, even though each of their circumstances is quite different. So without reading the long letters, the first guy is in College and he's been with his girlfriend for only a couple of months. And he doesn't know if she's enjoying sex. And he really just wants to know, how do I make her orgasm? And then the other guy has been with his wife for many, many decades. They really didn't have a lot of sex when they were younger. They're now empty nesters. And he's looking to kick things up a notch. And he acknowledges that maybe her experience with sex hasn't been quite as satisfying as his over the years. And he wants to change that. And he has some very specific questions about how to help out with clitoral orgasms and vaginal orgasms. So, yes, very specifically, how do I give her a clitoral orgasm? How do I give her a vaginal orgasm? And so we're going to get into all of that. And I can feel myself actually, as I start talking that I'm a little bit out of breath from this illness I'm dealing with. And I'm sure, of course, millions of people around the world have been sick over the last couple of years. So many of you out there know what I'm feeling....

What is masochism and why can pain feel so good?
How do you differentiate between safe indulgences and pain versus self-harm?
How can you begin to explore masochism for your own pleasure?
How do you ensure consent while playing with pain and pleasure?

Researcher and journalist, Leigh Cowart, joins Jess & Brandon to discuss the interface of revulsion and arousal. Their latest book, "Hurts So Good: The Science and Culture of Pain on Purpose" is about all the ways humans consent to feeling bad, to feel better. And be sure to follow Leigh Cowart on Twitter at @voraciousbrain.

Don’t forget that we’re offering 25% off our Mind-Blowing oral courses at HappierCouples.com with code PODCAST. Learn tips, strategies and techniques to ignite the spark & blow your lover’s mind with these 5-part video workshops for the clitoris and the penis.



If you have questions, please send them our way, right here. We love hearing from you. And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Masochism and The Pleasure of Pain

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. I'm Your cohost, Brad Brandon Ware. And today we are going to be talking pleasure and pain and why pain can be so hot and how to explore pain consensually for maximum pleasure and excitement. I like that. And we have some industry news before we dive into pleasure and pain. And I want to shout out a company who isn't a sponsor, but I'm just really excited for them. This is Laurels, and this is a brand who just had their underwear approved by the FDA for safer oral sex. And I always get questions about oral sex and protection and going to play parties or swing clubs. And of course, you can use condoms on a penis, you can use dental dams on a vulva or a butt. But this is really a game changer because Laurels makes these kind of really sexy, ultra thin, latex undies that are they're silky to the touch and they're stretchy. And honestly, they're adorable. And you use them one time for oral play and FDA approval for I think a product like this is obviously so important, but also a bit revolutionary because everything has been so focused on just one type of kind of penetrative sex, especially in sex education and safer sex. Of course, those of us working in the field have moved beyond that. But now the FDA is finally jumping on board. And oral sex is really one of the most direct routes to pleasure and orgasm for those of us with Vulvas. So this is really cool. And you can use it, of course, on a Volvo or a butt. And yeah, when you have oral sex, of course, there is risk. There is a risk of STIs. And I think people are now more aware of the link between oral sex and STIs and STIs, like HSB and the potential for throat cancer. And of course, I'm not here to scare people off. Like, when you have sex, there's going to be risk. Just like when you get into a car, there's always risk. But if you can reduce your risk, sex is just going to be so much more relaxed and pleasurable and hot. And I have to say, I really a lot of us like the sensation of touch and oral through a really thin barrier, like, you know, how it can feel so good to be touched through the clothes as opposed to just straight on the skin. Do they make them in larger sizes for people like me who want to wear a pair? They do. They do. They come in multiple sizes.

What are some signs that you’re dealing with a narcissist?
Does narcissism exist along a spectrum?
How can you manage narcissistic behaviours — with a partner, parent, or other loved one?
What does it say about us if we love toxic TV (like The Ultimatum)?
What are trauma glimmers?

Psychotherapist Tasha Bailey joins us to answer these questions and many more!
Tasha Bailey is a creative psychotherapist, facilitator, educator & content creator based in London, England. Her platform @RealTalk.Therapist shares her knowledge of self-care and mental health and spills the tea on therapy to break down the stigma of asking for help. And follow Tasha on her social media accounts from her Instagram to her Facebook.

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!



Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 15% on this comprehensive video & audio course designed to help you drown out distractions and tune into pleasure.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Narcissism & Toxic TV with Tasha Bailey

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon, and we're here with my always lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, I'm really excited for this topic. Today we are going to be talking about toxic TV. I've just started watching The Ultimatum as research for this conversation. We'll also be talking about how to deal with narcissistic, partners, parents, siblings, friends with the fabulous Tasha Bailey, a creative psychotherapist, a facilitator and educator, an amazing content creator based in London, England. Her platform at RealTalk Therapist shares her knowledge of selfcare and mental health and spills the on therapy to break down the stigma of asking for help. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me. It's such a joy. I'm excited for this chat. I'm so excited to hear from you. So you're a therapist. I have to ask to begin with, what made you become a therapist? So I want to be a therapist at a very young age, which is very unusual. Most people who become therapists, it's such in the UK, it's like a second career. Like maybe you're a teacher first and you realize that actually mental health has been important. Whereas I wanted to become a therapist at the age of about 15 and it kind of transpired by Nickelodeon. There was this film called Harry at the Spy on Nickelodeon and she was like a twelve year old kid. She went to go see a child psychotherapist. And I remember being like, wow, that's a really cool job. It's just a guy sitting with toys everywhere and helping children talk about their feelings. And so from there I was like,

How do you build compassionate open relationships?
How do attachment styles show up in non-monogamous relationships?
What is a non-hierarchical arrangement?
How can you heal from previous trauma?
How can you be more conscious in your relationships (and in life more generally)?

Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Kate Loree, joins us to address these questions and share insights from her new book, Open Deeply: A Guide to Building Conscious, Compassionate Open Relationships.

Kate Loree is a sex-positive licensed marriage and family therapist and with a specialty in non-monogamous, kink, LGBTQ, and sex worker communities. In addition to her master’s in marriage and family therapy, she also has an MBA and is a registered art therapist (ATR). Kate is an EDSE certified sex educator and an EMDR certified therapist with additional training in the Trauma Resiliency Model (TRM) for trauma treatment. She has been practicing psychotherapy since 2003. Her private practice resides in Encino, CA. For more information, please visit her on the web at KateLoree.com or follow her on social:

Instagram
TikTok
Facebook
Twitter
YouTube

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!



Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 15% on this comprehensive video & audio course designed to help you drown out distractions and tune into pleasure.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Open Relationships: Psychology, Attachment Styles & Communication

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Jess O'Reilly here on My Lonesome without Brandon, it's just you and me. Plus, Kate makes three. We are going to be talking open relationships and how they're affected by our attachment styles, by past trauma, as well as different models for empathetic communication with Kate. Laurie and I'm Super excited about this before Kate joins me, a reminder that Adam and Eve.com is back with us again for 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping and a bunch of free goodies with code Dr. Jeff. So if you are in the market for a butt plug, for anal beads, for lube, for sex furniture, for any sex toys, lingerie, latex fetishwear, all that jazz, Adam and Eve.com code Doctor Jess will get you that big, big savings of 50% off almost any single item. All right, let's talk open relationships. Joining us now is Kate Lori LMFT, a sex positive, licensed marriage and family therapist with a specialty in non monogamous, kink, lgdbq and sex worker communities. They are the author of Open Deeply, a guide to building conscious, compassionate, open relationships. Thank you so much for being here.

What are the most common issues in therapy today?
Should new couples go to therapy?
How do you know if you’re a good fit or if you’re forcing it?
How do you invest in the relationship without overanalyzing it?

April Grigsby joins us to weigh in with insights from her practice. She is a licensed clinical social worker based in New York City and is focused on empathic listening and building up her clients’ strengths so they can solve problems. She empowers individuals to manage anxiety, depression, life transitions, and identity challenges. She also works with couples to improve relationship dynamics.

April attained her BS from Yale University and her MSW from Columbia University. April is currently a candidate in the NYU Silver School of Social Work DSW program. You can learn more about her work, research, and practice here.

And don’t forget, we have a sale on Mindful Sex: Deeper Connection, Intimacy & Pleasure. Save 25% off with code DRJESS.

Click here to learn more about this online course, which includes videos & audio guides that walk you through cognitive, behavioural, and practical exercises for more mindful sex.



Click here to save 25% off Mindful Sex!

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!



Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video & audio course designed to help you drown out distractions and tune into pleasure.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Couples’ Therapy: Issues, Trends & Advice

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, I'm excited for today's topic because we're going to be talking about couples issues in therapy, talk a little bit about couples and how we interact online. We'll be discussing Privacy, empathy, Fidelity, and I'm sure a whole lot more with a really brilliant, brilliant therapist, Aprilgriggsby. And before we get started, I want to talk about something that I'm promoting because I'm running a sale on my mindful sex course, which I cocreated with my friend and fellow sexologist and sex therapist, Dr. Reese Malone. We are offering 25% off of mindful sex, deeper connection, intimacy and pleasure. And this is video, audio and online course in cognitive, physical, behavioral, and really just practical exercises to be more in the moment, to slow down, to enjoy sex in new and more pleasurable ways. So if you have trouble getting in the mood, if you lose focus during sex, if you feel pressure to perform in any way, or if you just want to experience something kind of new and exciting...

Board - certified urologist; Dr. Joshua Gonzalez joins us to answer your sexual health questions.

What can I do about ED? Are there natural treatment options for someone on blood pressure meds?
How can I deal with Interstitial Cystitis?
What can I do about vaginal atrophy, itchiness, and irritation?
Should I be worried that one testicle pulls up into my body at orgasm?
Can I speed up my orgasm? I have delayed ejaculation.
What can I do to improve the taste of my ejaculate?

Our guest, Dr. Josh Gonzalez is fellowship-trained in Sexual Medicine and specializes in the management of sexual dysfunctions. He completed his medical education at Columbia University and his urological residency at the Mount Sinai Medical Center. Throughout his career, Dr. Gonzalez has focused on advocating for sexual health and by; providing improved healthcare to the LGBTQ+ community. You can follow Dr. Gonzalez on his social media accounts from his Twitter to his Instagram.

He also; recently started a men's health supplement focusing on enhancing ejaculatory volume and taste, POPSTAR - check it out!

And we have a new promo for you! Save when shopping at Womanizer.com with code DRJESS. Here are my quick picks:

For travel: Womanizer Liberty
If you’re looking for a deal: Womanizer Starlet (on sale)
For blended orgasms: Womanizer Duo
For the best in class: Womanizer Premium 2



Check out the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com and use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect your skills (and add a few more to your repertoire). Become a better lover and have a few laughs with Dr. Jess while learning some new moves.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Sexual Health Qs Answered: Erections, Orgasms, Hormones & More!

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon. We're here with my always lovely other half, Dr. Jess feeling extra lovely because I'm thinking about penises and vaginas and balls and all of your sexual health questions. We are going to be answering them today with sexual medicine urologist doctor Josh Gonzalez. We're going to find out where your balls go when you orgasm. If you've been wondering, that's a great question. You know what? You should have led with that. Where do your balls go when you orgasm? Well, we're going to find out because Dr. Josh is here. And before we invite him on, I just want to announce that I've got a new sponsor that I'm really excited about because this is a sponsor that I've worked with in other capacities. But now we've got an even better discount code for you because these premium toys don't generally go on the deep sales. But womanizer.com is offering 15% off with code. Dr. Jess, Dr. J-E-S-S. They keep it simple. And if you don't know about Womanizer, they are a sex toy brand that revolutionized the sex toy space. There was nothing like it on the market when they broke into it. And actually, it comes from Germany. They are based in Berlin.

Take your pleasure to the next level by exploring the emotions that intensify the experience. Your elevated erotic feelings (EEFs), can heighten physical pleasure, psychological thrill, emotional fulfillment, intimate connection, spiritual experience, and much more. In most cases, no physical technique or position can compare to exploring the emotional dimensions of pleasure, so this week, we dive deeper into the emotional-erotic connection.

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!



Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect your oral sex skills and enjoy a few laughs with (the always funny) Dr. Jess.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Intensify Sex: Elevated Erotic Feelings

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and relationship advice you can use Tonight welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, we are talking feelings today. How are you feeling? Feeling good. What does that mean in your body? How does good feeling up in your body? Good. Feels relaxed. Good. Feels a little excited about maybe what the future holds for the world. For you today. I hope for everything. Oh, God. World's on fire. We all need that hope. Yeah. So that's how I feel. How do you feel? I'm a little antsy today. I've got an evening flight. I prefer to fly in the morning and just, like, get it done, go where I'm going unpack. So I always feel a little antsy because I don't feel like I can get quite as much work done when my flights in the evening. But we're going to be talking more about feelings and specifically your elevated, erratic feelings today. Before we dive into that, a big thank you to Adam and Eve.com for continuing to sponsor and support this podcast. Be sure to use Code Doctor Jess to save 50% off almost any item, plus free goodies, free shipping. All that jazz on everything from good vibes to lingerie to latex to butt plugs and everything in between. And there is a whole lot in between a butt plug and lingerie. So Adam and Eve.com code Doctor Jess. All right, last week we talked about your core erotic feeling, which is the feeling you need to get in the mood for sex. It is indispensable to sex. For most of us, we have some sort of emotional needs or need. We need met. It doesn't mean that every time you feel your chorotic feeling that you automatically want sex, but it makes sex possible. And now we move on to the fun stuff, your elevated erotic feelings. And those are the feelings that take sex to the next level. They're the feelings that make sex more intense in a specific way. So it could be related to physical pleasure. It could be about psychological thrill.

How do you need to feel in order to get in the mood for sex? Relaxed? Loved? Safe? Desired?

Your core erotic feeling (CEF) is the feeling you require in order to get in the mood for sex, and it can revolutionize the way you approach pleasure, seduction, and sex.

If you or a partner; have trouble getting in the mood, or if you find that erotic touch often isn’t enough - this episode will help youbetter understand the emotional-erotic connection, so you can have all the hot sex you desire.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here.

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Lovehoney.com. Use code DRJESS15 at checkout to save!

Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. This comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect your oral sex skills and enjoy a few laughs with (the always funny) Dr. Jess.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Emotional Seduction: The Core Erotic Feeling

Emotional Seduction: The Core Erotic Feeling

Intro: [00:00:00] You're listening to the sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice. You can use tonight.

Brandon: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host Brandon Ware here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

Dr. Jess: Hey, hey, I'm excited for the topic today. Amazing. We are talking the erotic emotional connection.

We're going to be talking about your core erotic feeling. And to me, this is the most interesting, meaningful, impactful piece around sex because I've said this before and I'll say it again, every human experience is emotional. Every experience, every interaction, every transaction, every conversation, everything intimate, anything that involves a human being is an emotional experience, right?

It's, and, and we, we [00:01:00] see this in business all the time where if you make someone feel important, if you make someone feel valued, if you make someone feel as though they're a part of something, right? That buzzword of community. Everybody's always, you know, all the brands are talking about creating a community in order to sell you things.

When you make people feel something that they want to feel, they want more of you. So that could be super simple, like going into a restaurant and being treated like you belong there, right? Being treated like a regular, being told welcome back, um, being prioritized in some way. It makes you want more and more of that.

Similarly, when brands effectively create communities online. where, you know, you feel like you're a part of a social movement, or you feel as though you found people who understand you, then you keep coming back for more. And so we get this in business, we get this in marketing, we get it in relationships as well.

What is the appeal of sissification?
How do you introduce kinky play to a partner?
What are the 7 types of sissification?
How can consensual humiliation become erotic?

Sexologist & psychotherapist Carlos Cavazos (pronounced Kuh-Voss-oh's) joins us to share his experience and perspective on kinks, fetishes, gender-bending, and much more! Check out Carlos’ The Naughtylicious Sex Podcast, and learn more about his practice at Counseling By Carlos. And don't forget to give Carlos a follow on his Twitter account!



 

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!



Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect your oral sex skills and enjoy a few laughs with (the always funny) Dr. Jess.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health, or other professional advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Sissification, Fetishes & Chastity Play

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon. We are here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, are you ready to talk fetishes? I am. Do you know anything about specification? I absolutely do not. Or chastity kinks. I could infer as to what chastity kinks might be, but I'd love to learn from somebody who knows a whole lot more than I do. We're going to be doing just that. We're going to be talking about even understanding our kinks. Like, why are we into what we're into? I'm hoping we're going to delve into kink and fetish play as potential avenues for healing, for working through restrictive trauma, that relates to sex, that relates to eroticism, that relates to our identity, especially to our gender, especially when we think about things like specification. And we're going to be talking with a fabulous personality in just a moment. Before we get to them, a big thank you to Adam and Eve.com for their continued support of this program. Code Doctor Jess at Adam and Eve.com gets you 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping. And I think they're throwing in something like ten free gifts. Some of them are little gifts. Yeah. That they wrap up and some videos, all that jazz. Adam and Eve.com code, Dr. Jazz. All right. Are you ready to get into it? Let's do it. All right. Joining us now is sexologist Psychotherapist, host of the Naughtylicious Sex podcast, Carlos Cavassos. Thank you so much for being here. Oh, thanks for having me back. Now, last I saw you, we were in Austin.

That feels like a gazillion years ago. Yeah. Your YouTube channel, as Carlos has taken off. I saw you hit the million Mark just the other day. Yeah, it was doing really good. It was doing so well.

How often should you get tested?
What are the risks of oral sex?
What are the risks of giving oral when you have a cold sore?
How can you reduce the risk of STI transmission?
What do STI tests entail?
Can you get any STIs from a toilet seat or bed sheets?
How soon should you get tested after potential exposure?

Dr. Ina Park, author of Strange Bedfellows, Adventures in the Science, History, and Surprising Secrets of STDs joins us to answer all of our questions about making sex safer and de-stigmatizing STIs. You can follow Ina on Instagram to learn more!

Thank you to our sponsors AdamAndEve.com.



Please let them know you heard about them here by using code DRJESS to save 50% + get a bunch of FREE gifts + free shipping.

 

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS to save!



We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect your oral sex skills and enjoy a few laughs with (the always funny) Dr. Jess.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Safer Sex & STIs: What You Need To Know

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. So I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey. Today's show is brought to you by Adam and Eve.com. They offer everything from Dillos to vibes to butt plugs to lingerie. All the saucy stuff you can imagine. To spice up your bedroom, Adam and Eve.com use code doctorjesd Rjess to save 50% off almost any single item. Plus free shipping and some free goodies. What do you want, Babe? I know you get. You get stuff in the mail every day. You don't get it. What, do we not have any dogs looking around? I don't even know what we need for me. Sure. Another cock ring? Another one? Okay. Why not? Ready for sure. You have enough. You know what? Maybe I'll wear it on my hand. Put it on a couple of fingers. Actually, there is a maker in Toronto that makes these beautiful leather straps or leather cuffs, but they also double as you can put your hands. Please don't tell me it's a penis ring. No, they're harnesses because I was like, that would go on my wrist. Well, you have a very big wrist. Oh, my. What? I could put this somewhere else. No, they're harnesses, so they have like a built in harness so you can put your strap on. Okay, very cool stuff. Actually, today we are going to be talking about STIs, safer sex herpes when to test how to have safer oral sex. What testing entails. And we have solicited the help, the insights of the ultimate STI expert to help us facilitate this conversation. Dr. Ina park is a physician and professor in the Department of Family and Community Medicine at UCSF. She's the medical director of the California Prevention Training Center and a medical consultant for the Division of STD Prevention at the Centers for Disease Cont...

How can I use my breath to explore multiple orgasms?
Are there different types of multiple orgasms?
How many orgasms can you have in one session?
How do I have full-body orgasms?

We explore these questions and more while sharing techniques and strategies for more pleasure (and more orgasms) — from the “cup and pulse” technique to the blended orgasm, you’re sure to find something new to try whether your partnered or solo.

Be sure to check out Dr. Jess' Mind Blowing Oral: Clit Edition if you're looking to perfect your moves or add a number of new moves to your repertoire. Use code PODCAST to save 25% when checking out.



Thank you to our sponsors AdamAndEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any item + get FREE gifts & shipping.

And if you’re shopping for Womanizer and We-Vibe toys, also use code DRJESS to save at checkout.

 



And if you’re interested in checking out the adults-only Desire Cruises, you can learn more here.

As always, we love to hear from you, so submit your podcast questions and insights here. And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher! And check out the computer-generated (unedited) transcript below:



Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Have Multiple Orgasms: Part II (For Clitorises)

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Bran, Brandonware here with my lovely other half, Doctor Jess. Hey, are you ready to talk multiples sure I am. Multiple orgasms. Multiple O's last time, not too long ago. Just a few weeks ago, we were talking about multiple orgasms for you, Brandon. Where? Just for me, that is it for you and all of your bread and penises. And I'd like to know how that was for everyone. Yeah, some people did write in. Some people actually wrote in about dry orgasms and shared their experiences of also feeling like you did, which was confused. Sorry, I'm just laughing because, yes, that often is the case. I'm confused. I remember the first time you were like, did I just come did I come inside of you? I've had that happen a couple of times where I don't know if I can, if I finished. So you orgasm, but you didn't ejaculate, and that was creating this super confusion. Yes. Cloud of confusion. Well, today we're going to be talking about multiple orgasms for people who have vulvas or clipportruses. Multiple orgasms. The better kind part, too. Before we dive into that, I want to say thank you to our sponsors, Adam and Eve.com. Still extending that offer of 50% off almost any single item, plus free shipping and a whole bunch of goody gifts for you with code, Dr. Jess. So if you are shopping for vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, lube, lingerie, latex wear, fetishware, sex furniture, anything that can help you to get your rocks off, I do need to furnish another apartment. So perhaps we just do sex furniture. Okay, that's it. Is that going to go into your staging budget? It will for folks who don't know Brandon's in real estate, so sometimes he has to stage properties. Actually, you did have a property once, and we won't talk about the owner. But you had a property that was super kinky. Yeah. Big time. That was years ago. Yeah, it was a massive, well, massive for Toronto. For Toronto, small for Texas, 5000 square foot loft, hard loft, exposed brick and beam.

Luna Matatas & Marla Renee Stewart join us to offer a sneak peek into their Kinky Tapas retreat. They answer all of our questions including:

How do I begin to explore my dominant side?
What’s the difference between Dominance & submission versus Topping and Bottoming?
How do I ensure safety when exploring psychological kink?
How do I introduce a bit of kink into our existing sexual routine?
When can pain be pleasurable?
How can I explore genital worship and torture?

Check out the Kinky Tapas seminar in Oakland, California April 29th - May 1st. (Use code KINKMEUP to save!) Hosted in two beautiful dungeons, the event includes catering & kinky photography and explorations of a range of topics including:

Luna & Marla will take you to two dungeons in California where they’ll cover:

Confidence and erotic creativity
Scene Setting, Safety & Communication
Commanding a Room
Developing confidence and presence
Dominant Do’s and Don’ts
Submissive Communication Skills
Rope Bondage
Spanking & Other Impact Play
Choking & Breath Play
Sensation Play
Genital Worship & Torture
Strap-On Play
Butt Play
Fluid Fetishes
Skills for Subs
Common Fetishes
Any additional fetishes that you’d like to know about!

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!





Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

 

Check out the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit video courses at HappierCouples.com. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect and learn new skills all while laughing along with Dr. Jess and her hilarious jokes.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



And check out the computer-generated (unedited) transcript below:

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Kinky Tapas: Psychological Kink, Dominance & More

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your cohost, Brandon Denwear here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey. Hey. How are you? I'm pretty good. I'm excited to talk kink with you. Amazing. I'm always excited, Doc kink. Do you consider yourself kinky? I do not. Okay. But do you practice kink? I think we practice, yes. I don't think that we're very kinky in comparison to maybe the people and the professionals that were around. Right. And so even though we maybe do the things that are kinky, it's not a part of our identity. Yes. Like it's something we do, but not something that we feel we are. Is that maybe and I don't know that the people that were around, maybe they do feel like it's a part of who they are, their identity. But I'm comparing it to the people that we've talked to where their kinks t...

What should you do when a love interest pulls back out of nowhere? Perhaps you’re hitting it off and then all of a sudden things change — texts messages become sparser, response times are longer or they simply wait for you to initiate. They’re still engaged and don’t seem to want to end things, but you’re left feeling confused and rejected. Jess & Brandon weigh in with their thoughts and scripts to help you respond and they also talk about their experiences with rejection.

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!





Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

 

Check out the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit video courses at HappierCouples.com. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect and learn new skills all while laughing along with Dr. Jess and her hilarious jokes.





If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Rejection: What To Do When Someone Pulls Away

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my liver. Lovely. Other half, Dr. Jess. Hello. I'm glad you've stopped making those ASMR sounds. Now I can do it again for everyone. It's really creepy. Your tongue ASMR well. You're supposed to listen, not look. Oh, yeah, true. I like the sound. There you go. It's the look of your tongue coming out of your mouth. I don't like it's not the point. Well, tonight we're having a quickie. That's the way I like it. I know. Cool brag. Cool brag, bro. We're going to be talking about dating and what to do when someone pulls away. So not when they ghost you, but when they kind of back out out of nowhere. So I did this interview, and people had sent in this hodgepodge of questions. Hodgepodge, you're 90 mortgage bargain of questions about what to do when a love interest pulls back out of nowhere. So they said, for example, you're hitting it off, and then all of a sudden, things change. Text messages are sparse. They used to text every day. They don't initiate contact like they used to, but they still respond to you, or they're answering with, like, one word, whereas they used to call and send essays, or they're saying that they're busy all of a sudden and don't have as much time, but then they come back and they're messaging you. So basically, they're not communicating that they want to end things, but they're sort of dragging you along so you feel rejected but also confused. Okay. It's a lot, right? One word answers. Okay. You know when somebody texts you back. Okay.

Can you recognize the signs of human trafficking? Would you know what to do to support someone who is being victimized by a trafficker? February 22 is National Human Trafficking Awareness Day, so this week we’re discussing prevalence, signs, and what you can do if you or someone you know is at risk.

Call the Canadian Human Trafficking Hotline: 1-833-900-1010. Or chat online at www.canadianhumantraffickinghotline.ca

And don’t forget to go back and listen to Episode 147: How to Help Someone in an Abusive Relationship

Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

 

If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!



 

 

Check out the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit video courses at HappierCouples.com. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect and learn new skills all while laughing along with Dr. Jess and her hilarious jokes.





If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



 

 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Healthy Relationships & Human Trafficking

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and Relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my always lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey. Getting lovelier by the day because I just had a birthday. You did? So you're extra lovely today. Yeah. That's how I'm going to frame it. Yeah. February is a big day for me. And Brandon was February 12, but I missed it. I was away. That's okay. I mean, I cried a little bit, but then I was okay. You got over it. I got over it. You got over it. So moving through February very quickly and February 22, just a few days ago, was the International Data End Human Trafficking. And if you're on my IG, you know, I've been working with the Canadian Center to End Human Trafficking to just raise awareness because really I have a lot to learn. And I was reading through some of their recent research. And I have to say the findings don't surprise me because I fall into the vast majority around 77%, who don't know how to recognize the signs, especially the more subtle ones. And I don't think I would know how to respond if someone I saw, if I was concerned about someone, especially if it was someone I didn't know. And I've been learning as we go. So we're going to be talking about human trafficking and sex trafficking today, including what it is, how to recognize the signs, and how we can all be a part of the solution. And just before we get started, I want to be really clear that we're not confusing trafficking with sex work because somebody brought that up on I...

Phone sex can be smokin’ hot — for auditory lovers, long-distance play partners, and anyone who wants to spice things up with dirty talk and fantasy exploration. Jess and Brandon share their thoughts and tips for the hottest phone sex, along with a few lines you can use to get started if you’re feeling shy or awkward.

Are you looking for body butter, hand cream, massage candles, and/or oils (Body/ Massage/ Bath)  - check out our wonderful podcast sponsor this week, High On Love.

And for those who'd like to take a listen to our previous episode on Dirty Talk, you can check out "Master Dirty Talk: 60+ Tips & Examples" here.


If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS at checkout to save!



Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

 

We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit Edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect your skills and learn a lot more, all while laughing along to the hilarious jokes of Dr. Jess.





If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!





Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

The Hottest Phone Sex Tips

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon. We're here with my loved the other half, Doctor Jess. Am I so lovely? Because we were just not talking about lovely stuff. No, we weren't talking about lovely stuff. But you're lovely. Brandon made us espresso with a little drop of Baylies. We're actually working in the evening, which we don't usually do. We usually record super early in the morning, but it's evening, so it's a decaf espresso with a drop of Bayleys. Maybe you should say that. It's a shot of Baileys with a drop of decaf espresso. Oh, is that what it is? I don't know. Anyhow. You drink yours before you even sat down? I did. And I said, do you even save her it? I do not. Do you just swallow it like hotcom? I do not savor it. Yes, I swallow it like hot cup. And then I asked you if you've tasted your own cup. Yes, I have. And did not warn you that we were going to be discussing. No, I didn't know. We weren't talking about that. So, yes, let's go down that rabbit hole. But did you taste it when it was hot or did you want to get cold first? Well, I read the warning on the side. It said, Get caution hot. No, it came in a cup. I think it's important to taste yourself. Yeah, I did it by accident. But how? I shot it up in the air. You shot it up in the air and your mouth was open. Yes, that's it. That sounds like I landed on his Dick by accident. Well, anyhow, I'm glad we were talking about that off air. I thought we should also talk about how we should start a podcast today. Yeah, because it's good to taste yourself. I don't know. I wonder if for women, there's less shame around it.

Want to explore dry orgasms, multiple orgasms, edging, and more? We’ve got specific strategies and techniques you can experiment with tonight — all in the name of multiplying pleasure.


If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibrate bringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Lovehoney, We-Vibe and Womanizer. Use code DRJESS15 at checkout to save!

Big thanks to our sponsors AdamandEve.com — use code DRJESS50 to save 50% off almost any single item + get FREE gifts and free shipping. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.

Check out the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit Edition sale. This comprehensive video course was designed to help you perfect and deepen your skill set, all while laughing along to the hilarious jokes of Dr. Jess.

If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!





Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How to have multiple Orgasms - Part 1 - DrJess Episode 251

Brandon: Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess.

Dr. Jess: Hey, hey, we are talking about multiple orgasms today. We, we were going to talk about the Build A Bear, you know, the, the like bear shop in the mall where you take your kids and build a bear. I read a headline that apparently they get, they're getting into the adult space, but then I went and checked out their adult bears and they're not all that exciting at all.

Brandon: They're not that racy. Come on, like.

Dr. Jess: It's wine o'clock.

Brandon: If there was a Build A Bear with a butt plug or something, I'd be, I would say yes, you're getting, you're definitely getting into the adult business.

Dr. Jess: But that's like 2023 things. Yeah.

Brandon: Yeah. This is Build A Bear, it's wine o'clock, yeah, great.

Dr. Jess: Those things are expensive too, I think, if you go in and actually build a bear.

I think it's a, it's a costly thing. Anyhow, I don't know if we have any in Canada, but I've definitely seen them, seen them in the States with big lineups too. Canada has Build A Polar Bear. [00:01:00] Okay, let's switch gears and talk about multiple orgasms because last week we talked about how do I intensify orgasms and I think there's a little bit of overlap here but of course multiple orgasms can be super hot because they can prolong the orgasmic experience and what's interesting is that people of all genders All genitals are capable of having more than one orgasm in a single session, but also, before we get into this, I want to say you don't have to.

All right. One and done can be just as good. I'd say, okay, sometimes I have multiples. I'm just thinking about my own experience here, but I'm more of a, a one and done, or there's the one that's like most satisfying. And for me personally, multiples doesn't necessarily make that last one more intense. Like that's not the way it goes for me.

And so I wanted to [00:02:00] ask you babe about multiples because you've had multiple orgasms by accident.

Brandon: I have, I didn't know what was happening. The truth is I thought I was finished. Like I thought I had orgasms.

You don’t have to intensify your orgasms, but if you want to explore techniques to do so, we’ve got you covered. We share easy strategies you can try tonight! We also discuss the Foot Locker ejaculator incident and sex in public parks.


If you're looking to add a new toy to your collection or for something that will buzz and vibratebringing new and intense pleasure, check out our friends at Lovehoney.com— use code DRJESS15 to save when checking out. From dildos to butt plugs to lube and lingerie, they’ve got you covered.


If you have questions for the podcast, submit them here. And please be sure to subscribe so you don’t miss an episode! You can find the podcast on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

 




We've extended the Mind Blowing Oral: Penis or Clit edition sale at HappierCouples.com for one more week. Use code PODCAST to save 25% on this comprehensive video course designed to help you perfect your skills and learn a lot more, all while laughing along to the hilarious jokes of Dr. Jess.



 


Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

How To Have Bigger, Better Orgasms

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and Relationship advice you can use Tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my always lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, I have a question for you. Do you love sneakers? I do love sneakers. Do you make love to sneakers? I do not make love to sneakers. But you had to pause to think about it. I did have to think about that. Okay. Where is this going? We've got a story about sneakers and your home town of Brampton that we're going to be talking about. Brampton. That's right. The Btown. Okay, let's get started. I'm very curious. Okay. So we have a couple of stories we're going to cover before we get into one of our listener questions, which was short and sweet, how I like it. They want to know how to have better orgasms and we're going to talk about better orgasms. But there are a couple of stories in the news, one about sneakers and one about sex in public parks that I'm here to talk about. So there was a city park sting in Cincinnati that was cracking down on sex in public parks. At twelve, people have been charged. I was reading about the story and it seems that the police want to crack down on it. And the Mayor is saying, yeah, okay, fine, we can prosecute these things, but can we please focus on violent crime? And it makes me think about who gets targeted oftentimes. Gay men have historically been targeted for cruising or sex in public spaces. And it's a reminder that oftentimes people have sex in public spaces because they don't have a safe private space to go to. And then also I thought the story was interesting because separate from people who don't have a space to go, I think so many of us are drawn to having sex in public and having sex in the great outdoors with that nice kind of warm breeze on your bike. We've had sex in a park. We have had sex in a park. And I do enjoy a warm wisp of air on my buttock. Well, I don't know if Cincinnati is that warm this time of year. It might be like a cold cracksnap or something. A little chilly tickling the nads, something like that. But we had sex in a park. I remember. I imagine we've done it more than once. But the time that comes to mind was a gazillion years ago and we were in a park kind of in the forest, and we found kind of a private place totally off t...

Today’s quickie answers a few viewer questions about why ghost-facing is all the rage and how to spice things up when mobility is limited.

Just a reminder, our wonderful sponsor Adam and Eve is offering 50% off almost any item + FREE shipping + some FREE goodies if you use code DRJESS.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Ghost-facing Q&A

You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast, Sex and relationship advice you can Use Tonight. Welcome to Sex with Dr. Jess Podcast. I'm Jessa, rally your friendly neighborhood sex here, not with my lovely other half, Brendanware, because he had to run. We are back in Toronto, back at our regular work schedules, and a client needed something at last minute that he had to attend to. So I'm on my lonesome and I can't even remember the last time I did a podcast all by myself. So I'm going to try and power through. I want to let you know in advance that this is a quickie episode because there's so much on the go right now. Today I am shooting two episodes of my still newish television show on City TV Fridays at midnight, intimately. You with Dr. Jess, and I'm going to be interviewing actually some really cool guests. Matchmaker Maria, if you don't know, matchmaker Maria. She got some really good advice. She's pretty funny, very blunt, straight to the point. You can check her out on IG. So she's going to be on the show. And Java debate. The millennial sex expert is going to be on that show. Anyhow, I'm running into studio today and it's one of those days. And I know that the last thing I'm going to get to do is eat. And so that is why I'm going to do a quickie episode because I'm going to prioritize my eating over you. Oh, it's so weird to laugh by yourself on the mic, but I enjoy myself.

Anyhow, the plan today is to answer a couple of really simple one really interesting question, actually, that I have received from you. So I'm going to start right there with the first one, which I think is quite fascinating. It's around Ghostbased. And so you've probably seen with the new scream horror movie out that people are doing Tik Toks with the ghost face. They're doing sexy things with the ghost face. People on Webcams are wearing the ghost face and it has become this sex symbol. And somebody is. I actually got two requests about Ghostface this week. One person just wanted me to kind of explain why it's a sex symbol and make sense of that. And the other person is, I think, from how I understand it, because it's a long message is looking for validation in terms of enjoying Ghost Face and not just the scream Ghostface, but all types of Ghostface masks and all that jazz. And of course, you know that I'm going to say this is perfectly fine and normal in terms of the reason why Ghost Face has become a sex symbol.

There are so many, I think, beginning with the fact that the anonymity of the cloak and the mask leaves so much to the imagination. And that can be very arousing. Right. You don't know what lurks below the surface and the unknown creates this anticipation, which is associated with of course spikes and dopamine. And you want to find out what's below there. Right. The mystery alone can kind of be very enticing and int...

How much time should you spend together?
What constitutes quality time?
How do you talk about your need for alone time, and time apart?
How do you divide your time when you’re busy and there never seems to be enough time?

In this episode, Jess and Brandon share their personal responses to the questions in the “Talking About Time Discussion” — questions and reflection prompts for better time management in relationships. You can utilize it with a partner or any other loved one and use these prompt to get started:

How much time do you like to spend alone and why?
How much time do you want to spend with friends? Why is it important to you to spend time with friends?
How much time do you want to spend with your family? Why is time with your family important to you?
Are you happy with the time we do spend together - would you like more or less?
Would you like to spend our time together differently?
What benefits do you attach to spending time apart?
What do you see as the greatest impediment to spending quality time together? How can we address this?
What change can we make this week to improve the quality of the time together?
How did your family spend time together growing up? What might you change if you could do it again?
What is your definition of “quality time”?
Do you have any experiences; with quality time, lack of time, or time apart from other relationships that might help me understand how you feel about how we allocate time together and apart?

Are you interested in spicing up your love life? Whether you're having solo sex or group orgies, We-Vibe and Womanizer have an extensive array of toys to intensify your orgasms and increase your pleasure! Use code DRJESS to save when checking out.



Special thanks to our sponsor Adam and Eve. Use code DRJESS to get 50% off almost any item + get FREE shipping + some Free goodies

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!



Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Participant #1:
You're listening to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex with Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half, Dr. Jess. Hey, it's 2022. It is. We're hanging in surviving. How are your New Year's resolutions going? Last week, we talked about different resolutions for couples. And you talked a little bit about your plans for the year. What's on your mind? Yeah, my resolutions are going reasonably well. Ask me again next week. Well, you're working out. That was sort of one of your resolutions. Yeah. Just to maintain physical activity every single day and to also read a little bit more. So I've definitely checked both those boxes so far. What are you reading? You really want to know? I've been reading up more on NFTs and decentralized finance in the basement with my hoodie on and the lights off. No, it's actually really interesting stuff. There's really interesting stuff happening in that field. I know that it's still on the margins in some ways. I know that it's a specific group that's involved in it primarily. Okay.

Want more pleasure and passion? How about more mindful connections and a boost in self-esteem? We don’t have all the answers, but we’re sharing a few resolutions and intentions for the new year — for happier relationships all around.



"Why Do I Love You Again Exercise" Questions from "The Ultimate Guide to Seduction & Foreplay", co-authored with Marla Renee Stewart.

Tell the story of when we first met?
What was the first thing you noticed about me?
What songs remind you of our early time together?
What first attracted you to me?
How have I changed for the better and grown since our early days?
What stood out about our first date?
Describe our first kiss.
What do you remember about our first sleepover
Or the first time we had sex?
What is an awkward moment that I wouldn't want to re-live but we're able to laugh about now?
What was the most memorable or hottest sex we've ever had? And what made it so memorable?

Our amazing sponsor Ioba Toys is offering 40% off this month with my discount code DRJESS! You can use my code on the OhMyG and OhMyC toys! The OhMyG is a G-Spot massager while the OhMyC is a clitoral massager that's silent and fits in the palm of your hand.

If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Recently, Jess joined Jeff and Carolyn on The Morning Show to discuss Relationship Resolutions. Check out the video below.



 

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Relationship Resolutions for 2022

You're listening to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and relationship advice you can use tonight. Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon, and we are here with my lovely other half. Dr. Jess. How are you? I'm good. Happy New Year. I know you and I are already happy each other up, but to all the folks out there, to you, I hope the first couple of days have been treating you well. I like a rebirth. You know? I like a rebirth. Yeah, I like a rebirth. I don't like the visual that I get of thinking of a rebirth stop, because that's literally what I was just thinking when I said rebirth. I thought about a giant man sized human coming out of a body with, like, mucus all over them. Welcome to 2022. We're really messed up. No, but did you think of that for rebirth? Yeah, of course I thought about that. I think some people would think about religious rebirth born again. But for some reason, I think about the literal, I guess, visual not you thinking about or us thinking about a human full sized human jumping out. Do you not remember there was an old Saturday Night Live skit where she has a full sized human baby and she's so annoying. I wish I knew the name of the actor, but let's maybe take it back enough. Let's take it back to normal. It's the New Year, and we are going to talk New Year's resolutions. Amazing. Let's do it. Yeah. And this is going to be a quickie one, folks, because we are on a light work week. This was supposed to be like a holiday week, but it didn't end up happening, but that's okay. We're just going to keep it a quickie and talk about New Year's resolutions. Not everybody wants resolutions,

This week, we share (and try out!) a simple 3-step exercise to reflect upon 2021 and plan for a happy 2022. Coach Sonia Zarbatany also joins us to talk about our new coaching program and share her tips for better dating and happy marriage.

Thank you to our sponsors Adam and Eve. You can get 50% off almost any item + get FREE shipping + some Free goodies too if you use code DRJESS

Make the most of your relationships in 2022 with our 30-day program! There is no better investment than an investment in connection.



If you’ve got questions or topic suggestions for the podcast, submit them here. As well, you can now record your messages for us! Please record your message/question in a quiet room and use your phone’s headphones with a built-in mic if possible.

And be sure to subscribe on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, Podbean, Google Podcasts, Amazon Music & Stitcher!

Rough Transcript:

This is a computer-generated rough transcript, so please excuse any typos. This podcast is an informational conversation and is not a substitute for medical, health or other professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the services of an appropriate professional should you have individual questions or concerns.

Year-End Reflection Questions for Fulfilling Relationships

You're listening to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. Sex and Relationship advice you can use tonight.

Welcome to the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast. I'm your co host, Brandon Ware, here with my lovely other half. Dr. Jess. Happy New Year's Eve. Happy New Year. Yes. Will we make it? Stay awake until midnight tonight? Oh, I don't know, man. I'm up early. You're up early? No, I'm going to make it. I'm going to make it. I'm going to enjoy this evening. I have this silly superstition that whatever I'm doing at midnight sets the tone for the year, which, by the way, lying in bed with you fast asleep wouldn't be a bad thing because I'd like better sleep in 2022, I would be relaxed. Exactly. Yeah. So we'll either be toasting with a bit of champagne and some nice fresh air, or we'll be fast asleep. Can I just say that I would like very much for next year at this point to be raging somewhere. I want to be partying. Yeah, I want to light my pants on fire. You know what? I know that desire has some sort of party going on in Brazil, 20, 22, 23. So let's just hope, sadly, I don't think the world is going to be that far ahead that we're going to want to be partying in Brazil, but hopefully something just a little bit more exciting overall, things can be looking up, and we want them to be looking up, certainly in your relationships, which is something we're going to be talking about today. I think folks know if you follow me and if you listen to the podcast, I have a new program starting in five days, six days. And Sonya, my partner in the program, is going to be joining us to chat a little bit about dating and coaching and the program, and also just her general insight and advice on how to make relationships work.

So before Sonya joins us, I wanted to get to one of your questions because this one is about vibrators. So this person says they want to incorporate vibrators into their sex lives. They're really great help for having an orgasm, but they find that their orgasms with vibrators don't always feel good. The ramp up is amazing and feels great, but just at the point when it feels like the orgasm is going to start happening, the sensation suddenly becomes overwhelming and kind of unpleasant if they keep the vibrator right there. So they said they've tried quickly turning down the vibrator intensity right at the point of orgasm. But this can feel jarring and sort of interrupt the sensations. And then if they completely take the stimulation away at orgasm, it doesn't feel good either. And the orgasm sort of just stops.