The Blue Pea Leader

With the end of 2022 in sight, I’ve been looking at my productivity.  My August went by so fast I missed it, and September wasn’t much slower.  So much so that I began October with more work than I knew I could get through.  I started to get that sinking feeling, where I have this crazy desire to pull the duvet over my head and hope I wake up when it’s all over.  Instead, I muttered some inspiring words, in this case “pull yourself together Ruth”.  And thought I’d better sort out my focus, priorities and relook at a few of those entertaining but time sucking distractions.
And voila I entered November feeling like I’d finally got a grip of the year, rather than the year having a grip of me.
Now I don’t know how your diary and productivity are as December knocks on the door with its plate of mince pies.  But if you think you want to be more ta dah, tick, tick, tick…hey I’m making things happen.  Then I have a few ideas for you.
 
Revisit your goals
Have an honest look at them.  Do they still excite you?  Are they still valid?  Knowing what you do today could they be improved?
Once you’ve reassessed you have your priorities.  And that does mean making some tough decisions.  In my case I moved the deadline on one.  I’m getting better at being human, rather than demanding I’m wonder woman.  I also binned one goal, which was a result of looking at it from where I and the world is right now, rather than when I set it.
 
Daily Actions
Now look at your daily actions.  Have they got anything to do with any of your priorities?
Too often we get sucked in to working on those priorities that come in via email, slack and a quick phone call.  If we step back, and hit pause, there’s a good chance that the request isn’t aligned to your priorities / goals.  I’m not saying it isn’t important and a priority for the other person.  If we enjoy collaborating, supporting our team, or suffer from people pleasing and the word no struggles to make it into our vocabulary, then we can pay a higher price.
 
Banana v Spinach & Kale Smoothie
To achieve your goal, there will be actions that are easy and those that are more complicated, uncomfortable or just plain who knows how they’ll turn out.  If you’re only doing the easy, comfortable actions you’re not going to make the progress you could.  Are you choosing the equivalent of the banana smoothie and pretending you’re full when it comes to the spinach and kale one.  The latter is nutritious, the taste takes a bit of getting used to.
 
Procrastination
What are you putting off and why?  When you get honest with yourself you can then do something about your answer.  There are things I put off, and when I’m honest with myself it allows me to make better decisions.  That might be I decide not to do it and manage the consequences.  Or I diarise it along with a reward for doing it.  Sometimes it’s realising that I’ve attached some drama to it.  Like…
“What it if all goes wrong”
“What if I do this and they laugh at me”
“I’m not ready yet, I just need to…..”
 
8 Seconds
Now you’re reading this far, so I’ve had your attention for more than 8 seconds.  And I appreciate that.  I read the other day that we now live in a world where the average attention span is 8 seconds before the person begins to get itchy and looks to move on.  Multi-tasking is a myth, or an illusion at least.  If something is worth doing, I’d bet my tuna sandwich this lunch time that it’s worth focusing on 100%.   And getting the real reward from doing it will come when you do it for longer than 8 seconds.
Check out how often you get seduced by wanting instant gratification for your action.
If you’re looking to lead from significance and service, then instant gratification and multi-tasking aren’t going to help you.  Growth, learning, being uncomfortable,

What is an Archetype? 
Carl Jung was the first person to bring archetypes into the more mainstream.  He said you could no more separate yourself from your archetypes than you could separate yourself from your DNA. 
We’re familiar with archetypes and their influence even if we don’t go around thinking consciously about them. 
The word archetype means original imprint.  It’s a pattern or essential properties of something that determine how it behaves.  
If I say the word Caregiver, you have a pattern of qualities, properties and behaviours underneath the word. 
Knowing more about an archetype helps you understand how it’s influencing your life, shaping your decisions and choices.  Being conscious of which archetype is at play in your life and leadership allows you to create a more fulfilling, meaningful and successful life.  One in which you’re in the driving seat, rather than being driven. 
 And so in this episode of the blue pea Leader I want to explore the Caregiver archetype  
The Caregiver 
When we talk about Emotional Intelligence, Compassion, Wellbeing, Diversity and Inclusion in the workplace, there are a variety of archetypes that underpin this conversation.  And one of them is the caregiver.  
Now how easy or otherwise you find it to access this archetype will shape how you work with the above subjects.  And indeed it will certainly influence how others see you working with the above subjects.  
I’ve had clients who were very high in caregiver and whilst they took immense care of their staff and teams, they ignored their own wellbeing.  
When the caregiver is high for you then your nurturing, compassionate, giving side will be a core part of your identity.   
If it’s low for you it can indicate a few things.  It’s not a core part of your identity and self image.  It’s something you find hard to access and need to learn to get better at, aka a development opportunity.  Or it can indicate that you’ve recently had an intense spell of drawing upon this archetype and it’s in currently having a holiday so to speak.  
Qualities of Caregiver 
The Caregiver is focussed on being of service to others, to care, nurture and protect. 
Of course they decide what or who they are in service of, care about, look to nurture and protect.  For some this could be their family.  For others it’s a wider concept of family i.e. their team or department.  For others it could be the ocean, the local park or the village bus service. 
Selfless and self-sacrificing they can give without thinking of the consequences or the cost.  I mention above, it’s not uncommon for them to take care of others and neglect their own needs. 
This archetype is motivated to provide reassurance, service, advice, listening and an open heart to support the welfare of others. The Caregiver is compassionate, generous, efficient, self-sacrificing, patient, highly competent and an excellent multitasker. Able to find the silver lining in any cloud, the Caregiver remains calm in a crisis, makes friends with everyone, and radiates the lightness of optimism. 
On the downside this archetype can also be overprotective, overly involved, rather than allowing their loved ones or their employees the space to solve their own problems they dive in to rescue them.   
They can also get serious tunnel vision. 
Lastly I’ve alluded to this earlier, whilst they’re good at taking care of others and spotting when someone needs attention, or is getting out of balance. They can miss this completely in themselves.  Continuing to push through and sacrifice when they should say no and apply some self-care. 
 
Stereotypes 
There are of course still stereotypes in the workplace associated with this archetype.  I often describe a stereotype and a dead or lifeless version of an archetype.  Archetypes are animated, active, shaping.  Stereotypes are limiting. 

This is an AI transcript of the podcast, please excuse any minor errors.  
Sadly there is still an all too common belief amongst leaders that they won’t benefit from personal development and it’s over rated.  They believe that the technical skills that got them to where they are will be enough to keep them going.  These leaders are intelligent, good at figuring things out and as long as they hit their targets, then whippi doodee and all is good.  
Honing their technical skills is something they still pay attention to.  Looking at themselves and the soft skill side of leadership isn’t seen as important. 
One of the reasons for this is that they don’t hear or see leaders around them doing the sort of personal development that leads to increased self awareness, authenticity and real empowerment. 
Lifelong learning and continuous growth is something we know is fundamental to business success.  If our staff arrive having left university and think “that’s it, I know it all, now let’s get on the career ladder” we’d laugh our heads off. 
There is a point in our leadership journey that our learning and growth isn’t technical, binary or external, rather it’s subjective, contextual and internal. 
That aspect of our growth and development can get a bit messy and messy isn’t something that’s talked about much in business and leadership development.     
I think of leadership as a profession, just like dentistry or accountancy.  There are skills leaders should have, like delegation, influence, coaching, consequential thinking, to name but a few.  Qualities we admire in great leaders include authenticity, humility, resilience, courage, empathy.  
How do we learn those skills and embody those qualities in ourselves? 
The answer, personal development.  
 
7 Benefits
Consistent personal development through a variety of approaches brings with it many benefits:- 
1. Increased self-awareness.  You can’t change what you don’t know.  Which means if you don’t know, aka aren’t aware of something, you can’t improve, change or stop it.  Authenticity – is so much harder when you don’t know who you really are.  
2. Becoming the best version of you.  Through reflection, study, practice, feedback you can enhance your strengths and lead on purpose.  Of course, becoming the best version of you, also requires increased self-awareness.  
3. Harness your talents.  There are things we’re good at, and then there are our talents or gifts.  These we often take for granted and therefore overlook.  Personal Development can make you aware of these and then learn how to harness them further so they benefit you, your team and the business.  
4. Demystifying your blind spots and weaknesses.  We all have them.  And sometimes a blind spot can hide within it a talent.  Personal Development isn’t about eradicating the weaknesses, rather it’s understanding how to manage and minimize the impact.  
5. Add more value.  As we continually learn and grow, we look to apply and contribute more, typically through others or strategically.  We talk about empowerment.  For a start this involves us learning to have dominion over ourselves, to own our power.  To become aware of when we give it away or when we look to control others / situations.  Until we learn this, we’re never going to be comfortable empowering others, even if we talk about it and aspire to it.  We’re going to sabotage our efforts here.  
6. Comfortably Uncomfortable.  Again our growth keeps us on the leading edge of our comfort zone. It’s short bouts of discomfort, continuously repeated and we build our leadership muscles. Let’s face it, if we’re truly being a leader and adding value then we’re going to be making some tough decisions.  If we like feeling comfortable we’re going to seek that in the decisions we make.  
7. Inspire others.  I said at the beginning that one of the reasons leaders depriori...

As a leader we’re constantly taking risks. Or should be.  The question is are we mitigating, minimising or trying to eliminate and which is the best for the situation to encourage growth.
I was running a group leadership programme the other week and they were sharing their wins in applying the material.  I also got them to share their learnings.  This is often where the ‘learn from making a mistake’ shows up.  And it did for one participant.  A significant learning too.  And I could see that they were beating themselves up about it.
The thing is it was a valuable learning for others too, one that meant they didn’t need to personally make the same mistake in order to learn from it.
One of the things that’s important to me as the leader of the course is being able to reframe things for participants.
And so, I said to her that as a leader if you get to the end of the year and you haven’t made any mistakes, you haven’t been leading.
It was like watching the night sky light up.  Her entire physiology changed.  Her response, along the lines of “I’d never thought of it like that before, thank you”.
I went from having someone in their head, beating themselves up and feeling ashamed, to someone raring to learn the next chunk and with the confidence to go back and apply it.
I also had a few more of the participants willing to step further outside their comfort zone and take a risk.
Now of course when we take risks we can also take measures to mitigate or minimize the impact if something does go wrong.
Talking and sharing with others in the field really helps you with this, especially if the field is relatively new for you.
 
Allow me to share a story that illustrates this.
I moved to the coast a few years ago and the other year we got a small boat and tender.  We also got life jackets and never go out without them on.  They’re the self-inflating version so should you hit the water unconscious they’ll still go off and keep your head above water.  Now I really hope that unconscious bit never happens, but just in case the risk of drowning because you can’t pull the inflate cord is mitigated.
The other week we decided to take the tender round to what I call the 3rd beach.  The main beach is always accessible, the 2nd beach via steps or when the tide is out.  The 3rd by boat and at high tide is completely covered.
So dry bag filled with coffee and cake and a small towel, off we went.
Coming into the beach I’m giving clear instructions to avoid the rocks.
We have a lovely time on the beach and then notice the waves have changed slightly and think, it’s time to head back.
So there I am getting in to the tender and just as I’m 1 leg in the boat and the other mid air, the 7th wave hits the bow and I’m now leaving the boat, stylishly backwards and land in the water.  Wet and surprised I gasp for air as a wave breaks over my head.  Poof, poof, poof the life vest inflates. My husband is seeing the funny side of all of this as he helps me up.  And he later informed me that apparently my stylishly backwards wasn’t so stylish. 😊
Anyway take 2 and I’m onboard.  Wet and with a fully inflated life vest and off we go back to the 1st beach.
It’s a village and the next day one of the old fisherman asked how our trip went.  He also had a knowing smile on his face.
We told him, and it brightened his day.  Over the next 3 or 4 days people asked me how I was, yes word had got around.
What accompanied the good natured teasing was also a story of I’ve done a similar thing and here are some other things to look out for.
 
Reflection
It turns out that most accidents with boats happen when you’re getting in to and out of them.  Apparently, most people only think to wear their life vest when they’re out at sea.
We both knew how lucky I was as there are rocks around that area.

Welcome to the 2nd Podcast on Success Principles.   
Our mind has several higher faculties – these include reason, will, perception, intuition, memory and the one I’m going to talk about today – IMAGINATION. 
Of course depending on how you use these higher faculties, determines what you think about and therefore bring about. 
Imagination for me is one of the most powerful and possible the first faculty you need to learn to work with and harness the power of. 
In fact, Einstein said “Imagination is more important than knowledge” 
 
Let’s Practice 
Close your eyes for a minute and imagine yourself lying on a beautiful sandy beach, feel the warmth of the sun on your skin, hear the waves gently lapping the shore line.  Now add in the action of your choice – perhaps your children are building sandcastles, or you’re about to swim in the ocean. 
You can spend as little or as much time on that beach using your imagination. 
 
I think sometimes we forget we are creative beings.  We get to run movies in our head of pain or pleasure.  Of things working out for us or against us.   
Of course we can delegate this faculty to others.  When we read the news or listen to others they’re giving us a narrative, a stream of instructions that we imagineer in our heads.  Just like I gave you the instructions to see yourself on a beach.   
 
We need to pay attention to what movies we run.   
Amazon and Netflix recommends other movies based on movies you’ve watched (and liked).  Our mind does the same thing.  We imagine relaxing on a beach and then our mind goes ooh what other holidays can we imagine (or recall) and what other ways of relaxing are there. 
All good stuff. 
And the mind doesn’t discriminate – you run a movie of giving a presentation for a job and it being a flop and then your mind goes, how else could we be a flop, be rejected, make a complete nit of ourselves.  Or when else have we made a mistake, been rejected, or made a fool of ourselves.  
 And down the rabbit hole we go.   
 Now I said that what we think about we bring about.   
Which is true, and there are a few additions to that. 
 
The power of repetition
Firstly we have to repeatedly think about it – and as I’ve said the mind is like Netflix, so we don’t have to repeatedly think about the same beach scene, variations on a theme are repetition enough. 
We also have to feel it.  Now if you run the movie of the beach scene for a couple of mins you’ll feel more relaxed, happy, peaceful etc – unless of course you have a real dislike for the beach, all those grains of sand getting everywhere, in which case you might notice you’re increased frustration or annoyance as you continue to imagine yourself there. 
 
What does it mean to use Imagination as a success principle? 
By running a movie of you experiencing success in something regularly, with feeling, you’ll begin to build a bridge between what’s currently going on for you and what you wish were going on for you. 
You’re impressing your goal on to your subconscious mind.   
Your unconscious mind will now be on the look out for any opportunities to get to you your goal.  I.e. the thing you’ve been imagining and thinking about.  And so when anything that is a fit and a match to the map of you getting from A to G, your unconscious mind will seize upon it. 
And some of these actions that you take will be outside of your conscious awareness. 
Let me illustrate.  Have you ever given someone a compliment about something they’ve just done and they said nothing.  A little later on they’re telling someone else about the event and highlighting all the things that went wrong.  No mention of your positive feedback.  Their unconscious view of what happened / the global narrative they have of themselves is what they’re sharing.   

In this episode of the blue pea leader, I want to explore the use of archetypes, well one specifically.  But what are archetypes, well they’re a language of power and a route to know ourselves better.  Why do we do what we do, respond how we do.  What makes us attracted or repelled by someone/thing. 
When a particular archetype is active is influences or shapes how we view the world or our life.  We already speak them fluently and unconsciously recognise them in others.  It’s ours at play that we need to become more conscious of and learn to use as a powerful resource. 
Becoming more conscious as a leader is something I help my clients achieve.  Understanding their archetypes is a significant element of this. 
So then in this podcast I want to explore The Creator archetype specifically. 
 
Creating…something new 
The Goal or purpose of the creator archetype is ‘the creation of something new’. Fairly self explanatory then, so let’s look a little deeper. The gifts of this archetype or the resources available include creativity, vision, imagination, following your vocation and identity. 
This archetype should be at its most obvious when we’re brainstorming, problem solving and setting the vision for our business. It should be allowed expression so that we can create our desired reality.  
However all too often it’s stamped down or worse out by the processes and conditioning of life. Children are initially very creative, the other day I was sat on a rock on the beach when a child of about 5 or 6 claimed the next rock, except it wasn’t a rock, no it was a hotel and she was inviting people to check in and the other rocks, well rooms of course.  Although some were not for these guests.  There was at least 15 mins of fun as everyone checked in and out of their rock hotel.  Children have make believe friends, yes that’s who these rooms were reserved for.  Yet as adults we become more disapproving of this.  It’s fine when you’re 6, but not when you’re 16, or 36, it probably becomes OK again when you’re 86 if you can remember how to do it.   
And that’s the thing, we’re encouraged to leave behind this form of creativity. Now I’m not suggesting for a minute that we have imaginary friends at work, but somewhere along the way some of us have had the creative stuffing knocked out of us.  
So perhaps it’s time to get back in touch with this resource. 
Because that’s what it is. A powerful resource, an antidote to stress, handling uncertainty and the route to creating more of what you do want in your life and business. 
 
Benefits of the creator archetype 
People who can easily access the creator archetype tend to have many ideas, flights of fantasy, what if moments, and they’re not too attached to them in the first instance.  
It’s only when they’ve dwelled upon an idea that attachment forms. So these people are good at innovating and coming up with ideas to solve problems (both practical and impractical) they just don’t filter for a start. Of course if as an individual or a business you get too creative, then you need to ensure there is enough space to make things happen (and there is some element of market reality or demand) or you can go in to overload and nothing happens. 
If we look at this from a leadership perspective then the creator archetype allows us to come up with the vision and describe it in such a way that others buy in and want to follow.  
If we look from a brand perspective then this archetype is about producing wonderful works of art, and I mean that in the looser sense.  A good example would be Apple. 
 
Now of course if you draw upon the creator a lot, then you may find yourself shying away from boring or routine work and people who lack imagination. On the other hand people may perceive you as eccentric or just plain weird. The Creator is also about vocation and identity,

This year I’m exploring and attempting to understand what drives fear(s) more. I know what a topic to pick. Maybe something smaller for next year 😆
However fear is a powerful emotion.  It stops us in our tracks, influences our thoughts and the words or actions we take.
Let’s take Psychological safety – so important in any relationship, work or personal.  Fear is a significant component that reduces this.
So I’ve been asking myself questions like:-

* As a leader how do we reduce the amount of fear present?
* Is fear ever healthy?
* What’s the toll on our health, productivity and creativity?
* How do my fears determine what’s possible for me / the group / business?

Big questions, and hopefully by the end of the year I’ll have more answers to these.
 
Did You Choose Your Fear?
An email from Thoughts From The Universe dropped in to my inbox.
If you don’t subscribe yet go to TUT.com
A particular sentence jumped out at me
….Even your fears and challenges are admired, along with the courage it took to choose them. (Yeah, you chose them.)…
It stopped me in my tracks and I reflected.
And here’s the magic or the power. I did choose my fears. All of them. In a nano second there was a conscious choice. After that my fears run on autopilot which makes it feel like I didn’t choose them.
Some fears make sense, there is an event and you can correlate it to the fear.
Others, well they’re there, and yet the event that started it all is forgotten. And we wonder why, and did I really pick this one, because it makes absolutely no sense at all etc.
 
39 Steps
After all, who’d choose to be scared of steps. I mean I’m 52 for goodness sake and still when I walk up or down steps I have to talk to myself – hilarious.  Really, I do see the funny side of this. I was in my 40’s when I almost fell down a flight of stairs, but I’ve had this, what seems like an irrational fear, forever.
I know the saying feel the fear and do it anyway.
And sometimes that works.  We grow, our fear shrinks, or we just find a way of managing the fear, keeping it in proportion or at a level that it doesn’t change our actions.  In other words if we didn’t feel the fear we’d still do this same action.
And we should feel proud of the fact we’re taking the same action, even though we feel anxious or whatever.  It’s true, every time I successfully navigate a set of steps, I acknowledge that I didn’t let my fear make other choices for me.  Because sometimes there is a voice in my head shouting there is a lift over there you could take that, who cares that it’s just one floor.
 
Is It Fear?
There is another possible outcome to feeling the fear and doing it anyway.  We feel elated afterwards.  In other words at times we get confused between the feeling of fear and excitement; as they can produce similar sensations in the body.  It’s all a matter of how we label them.  And more often than is useful we’re quick to label the sensation as fear.
Butterflies in the stomach is a sensation commonly present in both emotions.
The fear of presenting is a very a common fear.  It’s another one I had.  Now notice I use the past tense with this fear.  That’s not to say I don’t experience a few nerves occasionally.  It’s an alert telling me there is something else going on, another fear.  A fear that has usually has nothing to do with presenting perse.  What is normal for me to feel is a few butterflies, a slight buzz, it is a feeling of excitement.
Years ago I had the pleasure of chatting with an actor and we were talking about walking out on to a stage.  I was describing how I used to be…. aka, a nervous, shaking wreck that spoke to either the floor or the...

Welcome to a new series I’ll be covering throughout this year on Success Principles.   
The first principle I’ll be exploring is Attitude.  
Humans have one of those luxuries – something we take for granted and overlook. 
Freewill. 
Often we act like we don’t have a choice. We forget to use our freewill. And something that contributes to this is our attitude. 
Perhaps we get stuck on something and think it’s our ability that’s holding us back from making progress. I need to learn more to do better at this – and maybe you do.  And just check in with yourself, what’s your attitude on this subject? 
What is attitude? 
Your attitude is what’s going on inside of you, your thoughts and feelings about (you/others/subject). 
As you show up, eg to a meeting, what frame of mind are you in? What’s going round in your head, what mood are you in? 
There is something else that feeds into your attitude and that’s your archetypes.  These are deep patterns of thoughts and behaviours that run unconsciously. On the other hand they’re a fabulous resource for shifting attitudes when you’re consciously aware of how to use them, rather than the other way around.   
Lets briefly explore one. The Realist. In its helpful format it will enable you to process disappointment, learn what you need to learn for your future, increase your resilience.  
In it’s unhelpful form it allows you to wallow in self pity, feel powerless to whatever has been the source of pain. Your attitude would be one of pessimism / cynicism  
In the healthy realist it’s about helpful risk assessment , in the shadow realist it’s more like fatalistic there’s not point / it’s won’t work.  
Now we may not be aware of archetypes in ourselves, yet we will see them in others. The example I’ve just used. I’ll see both expressions of the Realist somewhere in conversations with others this week.  
And there will be times when it’s me doing them  
It’s not about eradicating, rather knowing how to switch to using it in its positive form.  
If you want to know how to work in harmony with your archetypes, check out our Archetypes Programme.
So all of the above comprise your attitude.   
The thing is our attitude is often determined by our past experiences and expectations. We forget that like the clothes we put on this morning, we can choose to change at any moment. 
And we don’t even need to find a telephone box and remove our glasses and whizz around a few times. 
Yet shifting our attitude can be as powerful as the transformation superman and wonder woman got in their telephone box twirling. 
 
3 Approaches to Improving Attitude 
Want more success, here are 3 attitudes that will help 
1. Think with an open mind.  For that we need to be curious, expansive.  And indeed suspend, even if it’s just temporary, our judgements, allowing us to consider more than we thought possible. 
Here is a podcast that expands on this 
 
2. Think for yourself.  The truth is we like to kid ourselves that we think for ourselves.  I’m an adult or course I think for myself.  Yet if we pay attention to our thoughts and follow them back to where they originated from.  Only a small percentage will have originated from within us as adults.  Most of our thoughts come from what others have said about us, social media, marketing, the news.  Or from our previous experiences when we were a child.  Turns out thinking for yourself is less common than we believe. 
 
3. Think constructively.  Which is a more expansive useful variation of think positive/optimistic, minus all the happy clappy,

Burnout, exhaustion, stress gone too far. 
For some of us last year we found ways of getting through the turbulence and we entered this year hoping that things would improve.   
It’s possible that you defined last year as stressful or exhausting.  I know several people who by April this year were longing for a holiday and a time to rejuvenate.  I also know they wouldn’t’ have used the words burnt out. 
Yet in more recent conversations and there are some early warning signs that the reserves are depleted and unless attention is paid then burnt out is the destination. 
So if you’re finding yourself with less and less energy here are 10 things you can do to either stop the leaks or restore the energy bank balance. 
1. Set boundaries – be clear with yourself at the very least on what you’re saying yes and no to.  I did an earlier podcast on this subject.  So if you want more information check out the October 2019 episode, The Benefit of Setting Boundaries at Work.  
2. Do something that requires absolutely no brain power for you.  For example, this could be cooking, taking photographs, swimming, even ironing.  It’s an activity that for you doesn’t much thought.  So it’s something that either you’re a natural at or you’ve honed your skills enough that you’re unconsciously competent.  And ideally the activity should be pleasurable.  
3. Do something daft or hedonistic – Next time it rains get your wellies on and go jump in puddles.  Or take your ordinary bath time and add some va va voom, make it a hedonistic experience.  It could be some luxury bath foam, a glass of champagne, candles, aromatherapy, music, any and all of them.  Move it from a functional experience into something that lifts your spirits.  
4. If life is all routine, then shake it up.  Have a freestyle day, half day, even an hour will make a difference.    
5. By contrast, if life is all over the place, then what can you make routine and predictable, in a pleasurable relaxing fashion.  
6. Lists – I love them.  In this case though I’m not suggesting you write a to do list, you probably already have one of those and a long one at that.  Instead write a things I love about ______ list.  Ideally do this about your work.  Then see if you can schedule a day where it’s all the things you love.  Not only is it something to look forward to but that day will recharge your batteries too. 
7. Disconnect – always on, always available, always comparing.  Ideally each day you should set a time when phones and internet devices are put away and then you can read, talk, chill, meditate or if you absolutely must binge on Netflix.  On a weekend schedule a day for no social media / newspapers or email.  And then stretch yourself to have a longer vacation from social media and the news.  I did about 3 months this summer.  I didn’t plan for it to be some long, and after the first 4 weeks it wasn’t a 100% absence, however I was selective as to what I re-introduced.  And very aware of how it impacted me.  
8. Exercise – dance, walk, yoga, boxing.  OK so some require the gym, others you can do in the privacy of your own home.  Just 20 minutes can see a positive biochemical shift in your body, which will help to reduce your stress levels.  
9. Gold stars – if you can’t do this every day then do it once a week.  What would you give someone in your life/work a gold star for?  And tell them.  Now comes the harder part, what would you give yourself a gold star for?  And yes you have to give yourself one.  Then allow yourself to appreciate your star as a gift.  In other words, don’t dismiss, or fault find.  
10. Sleep – get yourself 8 hours, it’s a magic number.  Or allow yourself a mid-afternoon or post lunch powernap, 20 mins.  My go to during the day is meditation, 5 mins.  Works wonders for restoring balance.  Slows down my mind,

A return to the office and the more traditional way of working is starting to happen.  Of course there are risks and rewards of doing this.  And from several conversations I’ve had with clients I know there are many preferences for the future.  I also understand that remote working has challenged our ability to stay connected in a meaningful way.
A Gartner CFO Survey showed that 74% of companies intend to shift some employees to remote work permanently. Whilst some companies have pushed their return to office date to early 2022 we’re likely to see a hybrid working model become the norm.
And what impact does this have for our leadership?
 
Command and Control
Whilst leadership wasn’t all about command and control.  There was an aspect of more immediate feedback when we were in the office and so we could respond accordingly.
Now we can’t physically sense and see one another, any kinks in the relationship and there is a tendency to overcome these by managing things, and with that people, more tightly.  Micromanagement is on the rise.  Issues of trust are on the increase.  And when you factor in the swift ways things have been changing our thinking has become more tactical than strategic.
All in all a potent recipe for demotivation.
 
Situational Leadership
What’s been asked of us as leaders is our ability to stay open minded, present and alert to the context we’re managing and leading at the moment.  What’s required today, this week, could very well and probably will be different the next week.  What one person needs right now could shift in 24 hours, depending on what’s happening.
We long for certainty, stability, predictability.  What we find comfortable is because it’s known.  Even if something is better for us, the team, the business, if it makes us feel uncomfortable, we look to reduce it to lessen the anxiety.
Autonomy and responsibility are something our employees have been seeking, and the last 18 months have given us a huge window to allow them to take this.
What it’s shown us is how much we perhaps spoon fed or picked up the pieces.  Or how much we smothered and never realised.
Now we really can empower our staff to make decisions.
And in the transition, we need to watch that they don’t feel abandoned.
If there is a lack of clarity, feedback and communication of expectations, then once again we’ll see motivation drop.
 
Outcomes v Activities
An opportunity in this shift in how we work is that our focus should be on agreeing outcomes, i.e results, rather than a list of activities and things to do.  Once we both know the desired result, then how we get there, the things we do and how long it takes are where our autonomy kicks in.  And by how long it takes I’m taking about a shift in mindset from 9-5, or working super long hours.  Agree a deliverable date for the result, not the number of hours you think it should take to get the result.
 
Isolation and Fatigue
Of course in remote working we’re seeing a rise in isolation and fatigue.  In the office, even if you were only there 2 days a week you could notice if some one was isolating themselves or being isolated.  You could spot signs of fatigue before it became burnout.
Remote working and one that’s happened through crisis, fear and loss, means it’s far harder to spot these things early on.
Our challenge is to help people cope with the blurring of personal and work life.  What’s absolutely fine, what’s OK, what’s desirable, what’s not acceptable.
Share, humanise, give clarity.
There are some zoomies… and if you don’t have your video on, or you do and your other half walks into the room singing their head off, it really doesn’t matter.  There are other zoomies and I want to see you, bad hair day, bags under your eyes, cat walking across the desk, the lot.

Sometimes we can get stuck in thinking things that happen are random, uncertain or chaotic.  And sometimes we get stuck in looking for THE reason behind every event.  Yet there is a question that can shift our mindset and unlock potential and possibility where at first we saw nothing. 
Let say we look at an event through the lens of random and chaos it can leave you exhausted, overwhelmed, and disorientated. This ultimately leaves us feeling powerless to the event. At the mercy of what is.  
What if you looked at the event through the lens of “everything happens for a reason, AND it’s designed to serve us”. 
The event is still the event, and yet viewing it through a different lens gives us different options. This particular lens invokes curiosity.  Curiosity is a powerful state and keeps us more resourceful.  When we’re more resourceful we feel more powerful.  Like we do have a fighting chance of sorting things out, or improving a situation.   
Over the years I’ve noticed that I can wear either pair of glasses (I have more pairs too, but lets keep this simple). 
The only thing about the random glasses is learning to take them off as soon as you realise they’re the ones you’re looking through. 
Now the “everything happens for a reason and it’s designed to serve you” pair – they’re a keeper.   
Here’s the secret though.  For years I’d run the whole sentence… what’s the reason this is happening.  And then, how is it designed to serve me. 
Super speedy fast track alert.  You can do the above and there is a faster way.  Just ask yourself “how is this event designed to serve me?”.  Or “what’s good about this?” Or  “where’s the opportunity here?” 
These latter questions get to the heart of the matter. 
We rarely need to know what the reason is.   
OK part of us always loves to know the reason.  And there lies the trap, because we want to know THE reason.  Like there is only ONE and until we’ve found IT then cripes alive we may not really know how the event is designed to serve us.  We might have missed something, or be off down the wrong rabbit hole.   
You see our mind likes to solve puzzles. If we think something is random our mind attempts to bring order.  If there is A reason we want to find it, and like good old Sherlock Holmes we won’t stop until we do. 
And so if you want to make the most of the everything happens for a reason, the power part lies in solving the question “how does this event serve me?” 
And when it’s an undesirable event and we’re processing our disappointment we’re perhaps going to quip back the answer “it’s not”.  And we shut down.  And feel sorry for ourselves.  Or pessimistic.  And reach for the sugar/ caffeine/ nicotine/ alcohol/ online shopping fix. 
You may have heard me say before, the quality of the question determines the quality of the answer.  And some questions don’t have instant answers.  They’re like onions, and clarity comes in layers.   
If we can stay curious long enough there is always an answer.  In some cases the full extent of how an event serves you is revealed, several layers later – often called hindsight and we have that aha moment.   
Now I’m not suggesting that instantly after every event, or even during, we ask ourselves “what’s good about this”.  An event can be a complex moment, and we should absorb the richness and complexity.  If there is grief in the event, process the grief, if there is frustration acknowledge what’s frustrating.  Skipping all of this to ask “what’s good” would be like picking up a book and only reading the first and last chapter. 
Now going a little deeper on “what’s good” – don’t expect good to equal pleasurable, happy or joy.  Let me illustrate, about 30 years ago I was in a RTA and suffered a lot of broken bones etc.  I’ll spare you all the details.  It did however take 2 years of operations and physiotherapy to get back full us...

Let’s talk about expectations and goal achievement and let’s be honest it’s not the most attractive subject you know it’s not it’s not a sexy subject.  I have to say that when I’m working with leaders and I say now let’s look at goal achievement their eyes roll.  And if they didn’t think I’d notice, they reach for their favourite distraction.   
We all want to achieve goals, but taking the time to set them properly, well that’s another thing.  One of the reasons people think it’s a waste of time is because they can’t do Smart or OKR’s right.  It even if you’ve got smart down brilliantly or writing OKR’s.  There are other factors to keep in mind. 
And it those I’m going to cover here. 
Expectations 
An overlooked factor in goal achievement is expectations. Because the size of our expectation determines what we set as a goal. 
Let’s say my goal is to get a new car, and I’d like a Mercedes-Benz but what I expect is a Nissan then whilst we may set the goal as I want to own a Mercedes-Benz, I’ll end up owning a Nissan because what we want and what we expect are different.  
Equally if I want to build a great productive team but have an expectation that building this team is going to be hard work, then as I build the team it will be hard work. I’m not saying that in building a team some effort would not be involved, but because there is an expectation that it will be hard work then I’ll experience more hard work.   
We also put these expectations onto other people. So I can be setting a goal for a team member and I have an expectation about what they can achieve or I might have an expectation about how they will go about achieving it. And my expectations may not and probably aren’t the same as the team member.   Now if I share my expectations then any differences will become obvious.  But if I don’t, well you know where that’s going to lead. 
 
Setting The Pace 
One way expectations show up is in using the pacesetting style of leadership.  I can set the bar really high, and for some people this would be a delightful challenge, it would be motivating, it would fire them up. Yet for somebody else if the bar was that high they would think I can’t achieve that, it’s not possible, it’s unrealistic there’s no point even trying. And even worse it may have the knock-on effect of them being demotivated and thinking there’s not point even attempting any other goals.   
One of the thing about high achievers is that they set the bar high for themselves, they expect themselves to better what they could do before. Now this is great, and you also need to awareness of what’s happening around you.  I’ve said before that leadership is firstly learnt through osmosis, we observe others and think that’s what we should do.  So if you’re expecting great things of yourself and pushing the envelope constantly.  Your team will think that’s what they have to do.  And whilst you might like to see this sometimes, often leaders I talk with say that isn’t what they expect of their team all the time.  
 
Fatigue 
Lockdown has been tough and you might be experiencing tiredness and fatigue.  Our ability to achieve goals at this stage isn’t the same as when we have loads of energy.  The difficulty here is that firstly we may still expect ourself to achieve the same thing.  Now we’re entering superhuman territory.   
Secondly, we may start to set out goals a lot smaller.  So we’re dumbing things down and shrinking. 
So where is the middle ground you may ask. 
Part of this is self-awareness.  Knowing you’re tired you can either extend the deadline or revisit the goal.  Lower the bar a little, not a lot.  When we don’t revisit and make fine-tuning corrections, then we keep at it, and at it, and we burn up our energy still shooting for the moon.  Then somewhat battered and bruised we set a new goa...

Analysis is an essential leadership skill quality that produces better results, but there comes a point when overdone, we enter analysis paralysis, start over thinking everything and poor decision making follows. 
 (This an AI transcript)
Every day there are decisions to be made.  Who should be assigned to what project?  How do we manage remote working, so it benefits the company, our customers and our employees?  What’s the next product our market is searching for? Which problem should be solved next?   
From the simple through to the complex, all these choices inform our vision and plan for our product/service offerings. 
And when things are more volatile, uncertain, complex, ambiguous (VUCA), we have to make even more decisions, and our stress levels can get out of hand.  We can so easily get caught up in non-genuine VUCA events, that are mind goes in to overdrive and cause unproductive mental loops. 
Our mental loops cause us to go over again and again the data and information we have, interrogating it for flaws, permutations and possibilities. In our desire to make the right or best decision we sink into over analysis, and overwhelm, and tire ourselves out.  And if we’re someone who does this process by talking to others, we also tire them out. 
In this podcast I cover 5 areas to pay attention to. 
 
1. Watch for Perfectionism
Perfectionism is striving for the almost unattainable.  Often if we look at it perfect is when we’re setting the target or output at 110%.  In analysis it’s have I covered every base, considered every response or eventuality.  There can be no room for error and read that as 0.00 room for error not 0.1.   
Of course we hear the phrase done is better than perfect because perfect never gets done. Before you begin your analysis ask yourself  – to make this decision what’s the level of quality required here? 
Notice it’s impersonal.  Not what’s the level of quality I would like here.   
Often perfection is personal.  So what you would decide is perfection probably won’t be for another.  Which of course make it even harder to attain. 
The 80:20 principle comes in to play here.  Use it to help you.  Having got 80% of the way there, pause and ascertain the risk and implication of spending 80% more of your time and resources on the remaining 20%.  Sometimes 80% is good enough to proceed, possibly more so in uncertain or developing situations.   
 
2. Carnival Mirrors
When I was a teenager sometimes I’d pay my 10pence and take a walk through the hall of mirrors with my friends.  Oh the hilarity as I suddenly had a 2 foot forehead or became all wobbly or superskinny and all other manner of distortion tricks.  There was always a favourite that I’d stand in front of pulling faces and poses. 
When we’re caught in those mental loops sometimes it’s like we’re walking through the hall of mirrors or we’ve got stuck standing in front of our favourite.   
Some decisions are worth exploring from a variety of angles and situations, others not so.  Writing on paper – either literally or your computer will help you get clarity the impact.   
What’s the goal or outcome.?  
What’s the impact of achieving it / not achieving it? 
What’s the consequence of this impact? 
The reason for writing these answers down is that you have them to refer back to at the end of the decision.  How accurate were your answers/predictions?  This will help you fine tune when you do this in the future. 
 
3. Avoid decision fatigue
I’ve said we make hundreds of decisions a day.  And not all decisions are equal in terms of impact.  Yet each decision requires brain power.  In which case start by looking at which areas of work or life you can simplify. 
What to wear for work? – capsule wardrobes are one solution, or on a Sunday just line everything up in your wardrobe in order of wearing....

Hello and welcome to the blue pea leader podcast, and in this episode I’m going to be joined by Emily Foster, who is the APAC media leader for Colgate at WPP. And she’s also a diversity and inclusion leader, and that’s why I’ve invited her on the podcast today to share her thoughts, passion and her experience in the arena of diversity and inclusion. But before we get into the subject in its lovely meaty detail. Emily. Welcome.
 
Emily – Hello. Hello.
Thank you for welcoming me.
 
Ruth – So what is it that you would, like to share a little bit more about yourself and your background. I’m sure you do way more justice than I would,
 
Emily – Thank you so much. So, I have spent over 20 years in the advertising and media industry. And over the last 10 years at W PP and throughout my career I’ve been also very heavily involved in diversity and inclusion efforts within the organisations that I’ve worked for. And of course over the last few years, even more heavily involved as a sort of activist at a local and grassroots level but also as a leader that needs to drive through initiatives across parts of the organisation and across various different countries and regions. So, it’s a topic that I am very excited about that’s close to my heart as well. I am of a mixed race background. I was growing, I grew up in Hong Kong. And I also do not look like I am mixed race which puts me in a really interesting position as well, in terms of my self awareness. I am very white looking but I’m actually half Filipino. So, without really knowing it. I’ve sort of grown up with that heightened sense of awareness, and a kind of understanding of intersectionality, which is a big word that’s going around at the moment, in this area. So, yes, that’s me. I do loads of different things and I’m excited to talk to you about it in this session.
 
Ruth – So, I know that you’ve, you’ve lived in various different parts of the world and as you say it’s appropriate, the fact that you have had that pleasure. You have got a grid, and not just because of your family but you have a greater appreciation of those, the nuances and the differences in terms of what makes this so diverse. But then at times what can actually end up separating us in a way that it shouldn’t separate us.
 
Emily – Yes, I do have quite a lot of understanding of that by dint of not just my upbringing, but also in the environments that I work in. I’m currently based in Hong Kong. And I have worked on clients from around the world. And it’s really interesting when you work on clients that come from different places that may be communicating to global audiences in different, different markets and countries and different people, that when you, it’s really interesting to see the how your understanding of culture can drive the way that we think the way that we communicate with people, but also how we engage with each other, or not engage with each other. So yes, I do very much have a bit of an understanding of that.
 
Ruth – So diversity and inclusion that I mean it is. It’s a big topic. So where, where do we start it well I mean if I were gonna turn around and say, sometimes I go, some of the daftest questions are the best questions. What is diversity and inclusion?
 
Emily – Yeah, that’s the greatest question to ask to start. It’s so easy when we think about organisations, and the trend in diversity and inclusion as a topic right now. It’s very easy to get trapped into thinking of diversity on its own. Because many organisations are talking a lot about their policies in relation to hiring for example, in relation to how many women they might have at certain levels. In particular,

In this episode of the blue pea leader I’m going to be sharing my thoughts on self-directed learning, what it is, the benefits and how, as a leader, you can best support it.
Pre Covid, we were more inclined to have learning mapped out for us.  Course and programmes were organised and designed by the company you worked for.  And most learning interventions happened in a classroom or face to face environment.
Not so now.  There has been a rise in remote learning as well as online learning.  There has also been a rise in companies giving discretion and autonomy to their staff to choose and select their own learning.
In essence, this covid shake-up has helped us focus in on the real gaps in our ability as well as showing us what’s fundamentally important to us.
We’re all unique and so what one person needs right now isn’t the same as another.
 
What is Self-Directed Learning?
Self-directed learners take control of their own learning and development.  Deciding what they want to learn, how they want to learn it and when they want to learn.
It’s more organic and allows the person to choose what works for them.
 
The Benefits of Self-Driven Learning
Here are 2 main benefits: –
 
1. The Learning is Relevant and Personal to Each Individual
Assuming you’re having conversations with each person in your team, then they’ll be aware of their strengths and weaknesses.  As well as the key outputs of their role.
In which case they’ll know what’s their priority areas to enhance.  Rather than it being cookie-cutter or formulaic, now they can seek out learning and development that they’re already bought in to.
For one person, it may be a focus on softer skills like emotional intelligence, resilience or influencing.
For another, it might be hard skills like blockchain, artificial intelligence or affiliate marketing.
 
2. Better ROI
The cost of some training programmes can be eye-watering, and when you factor in the impact or useability.  Cripes alive.  Even cheap programmes can be expensive when they’re poorly designed, badly delivered and unsupported back in the workplace.
Over the years, I’ve seen a lot of ineffective training.
As funds for developing your staff can be squeezed, especially at times like this then self directed learning allows the funds you do have to be used in areas that person has a high desire to improve in and will impact the business.
When we have a high desire, we’re more receptive to the input, and in applying it.  And because they choose what they learn, when and how, there is a greater level of commitment.
In fact, over the last few months, I’ve taken on clients who are investing in themselves, even though the company they work for has frozen all budgets. How’s that for self-directed learning, they’re even funding it.
And they already see fruits of their investment, such as.

* Creating a vision and selling it to their CEO, spearheading the future of the business.
* Reducing stress levels in the team and getting resources from senior leaders for their project, which until then had been undervalued.
* Increasing their remote leadership skills and keeping their team feeling connected, productive and resourceful.

 
How to Support Self-Directed Learning
Supporting the learning itself is just as important whether it’s self-directed or not.  Here are some ways to encourage learning.
 
Practice
Encourage them to implement something they’ve just learned.  And to repeat it a few times.
Rarely do we get it right the first time and we certainly don’t get it ‘in the muscle’.  Nerves that fire together wire together.  And so in order to get those nerves firing and wiring practice is required.
How can you encourage more practice?  This reinforces the 70:20:10 principle of learn...

In this episode of the blue pea leader podcast, I’m going to talk about the importance of developing your courage muscles.
We often dismiss our level of courage or at times feel overwhelmed and wonder if there is any point continuing with a goal. Especially now, with waves of lockdown being projected and more uncertainty for Businesses.
The thing to remember is that whilst people do follow great visions, they also follow people who are courageous.
And right now we may not be able to articulate the great vision, things maybe in too much flux.
And yet every day we can and do need to tap into our courage

* to seek out the truth even when we know it’s going to be painful
* or to embrace change when it’s easier to remain within our comfort zone
* or speak our mind kindly, even though others may disagree with us

When I’m running workshops on vulnerability, then courage is often mentioned because it this we need to tap into so that we can learn and grow when we know we’re going to be displaying or discovering our weaknesses.
So how do we develop or draw upon our courage muscles?
Your values.
Knowing what’s clearly important to you, then you know what you’re in the game for, you know what you’re fighting for, you have a decision making compass.
To quote Roy Disney, “Once you know what your values are, it’s easy to make your decisions.”
Which is true and that doesn’t stop us sabotaging ourselves
 
It’s easy to take the short cut, to look for the hack, the easy route.  And if this doesn’t take you forward to your goal then you’re playing on the sidelines, looking for the magic pill, the comfortable.
Which means as a leader you’re teaching / role modeling this approach or attitude to others.
Courage is contagious.
And never underestimate the power of small.
There was a song by chumbawamba called tubthumping – one of the lines is “I get knocked down but I get up again, you’re never going to keep me down”
 
Busting Some Myths
Now in workshops or when I’m coaching clients, and we discuss courage, there are a few myths that can show up and like balloons at a party, they are just asking to be popped.
The first is courage is when you face something big… and big is also what others would define it as too.
Yet as I said don’t underestimate the small stuff.
I wonder if you relate to any of these:-

* Courage is applying for a job and not being 100% sure you’re a fit – but you’re excited by it.
* Courage is sharing a story and not fully knowing how the other will receive it.
* Courage can be saying hello to a stranger or asking someone for a dance.

These aren’t big things, and no not everyone would agree they require courage, but if it’s outside your normal or comfort zone, then yes it does.
 
There is also the myth that if you’re courageous, you have a handle on fear. Like you probably don’t feel it. Or can dismiss it.
When in fact your knees can be knocking, (which is interesting when you’re dancing), and you still do it anyway.
In any moment we get to choose what we pay most attention to… our sense of fear, and what we make it mean – whether it’s that we’ll look daft, appear stupid, or of screwing up or making a mistake.
Or do we focus on what we value and our goals and draw upon our courage.
The courage to step out, to step up, being ok with the fact that there might be a moment of looking daft or getting it wrong.
 
Effortless Courage?
Everything that you can do easily and effortlessly now at some point you were clunky with.

Hello and welcome to the latest blue pea leader podcast.
I was recently asked by a client for help around doing high energy remote meetings, especially on a monday morning.
Let’s face it, it’s tough when we’re used to being in the same room and now are interacting through zoom, skpe or teams.  Keeping everyone engaged and making the meetings meaningful poses it’s own challenges when we’re remote.
So I’m going to cover 3 things in this episode, firstly, how you can do high energy meetings.  Secondly, things to consider for a monday morning weekly kickoff and lastly what can you do at the end of the week that actually sets you up for the next week.
1) High Energy Meetings
BAD PRACTICE….
The thing about virtual meetings, is that any bad practice we had in physical meetings in some ways gets exacerbated or the problem becomes bigger when we are virtual.
Now when we’re doing our physical meeting there should be an agenda, which clearly includes an outcome for why you’re even having the meeting in the first place. Because if the outcomes aren’t clear, then it kind of asks that first question… which is, do I even need the meeting in the first place. But it also then allows you, because you know the outcomes, to know who it is that you need to invite, and why you want them there.
Now clarity of outcome and structure of agenda isn’t always present in office meetings. And that doesn’t stop us attending them, but we take along a notepad or our laptop. And when we’re bored or disengaged we appear to multi-task and get on with something else.
Once we’re virtual and we disengage then we do the same, except our switch to the other thing means we might as well not be in the meeting at all.  We can’t pick up on micro signals of things shifting in the room, so we don’t know when to re-engage.
If you don’t have video on for the meetings then you have very little to go on to know or guess whether people are still with you and involved.
So the thing about outcome and agenda helps you decide should you have the meeting or is there another way that you can achieve your outcome, eg Slack.
 
HOW LONG SHOULD IT BE?
The other thing to keep in mind is that whilst the duration of any meeting should actually be as short as possible to achieve the outcome, virtual meetings have a natural limit.  90 minutes being the maximum.  And in some cases, the best thing to ask yourself is, can I split it into two to keep it short, and on point. So, really, less than an hour is good because once we get past 45 minutes, we start to hit all the problems that challenge us when we’re leading the thing which is to keep the energy there and to keep the focus and participation strong.
And yes it’s a meeting, people should be participating. If they’re not, it’s more like a presentation. So, questions to ask ourselves – are we getting participation, what level and type of participation are we getting, and are people being talked over?
 
RULE OF ENGAGEMENT….
Now, if we’re doing virtual meetings, and it’s voice only then yes there’s a possibility that people end up talking over one another, more than when it’s video, because if we’re paying attention, we can see the cues that somebody wants to talk. And if we do start talking over somebody, we get that feedback faster than if it was over the phone / non video.
And so it helps actually if you establish some rules for being present in the meeting.  There are some meetings I have and I’m less strict on video, usually becuase I know the people very well and it’s just the 2 or 3 of us.  Once number increase or we know each other less it’s different.  I want the video on, I can see even though it’s small tiles I can ...

Please be aware what follows is an AI Transcript, excuse typos’ and any other slightly weird stuff but you’ll get the gist of the interview…..
 
Ruth: Hello and welcome to the blue pea leader podcast, and on this episode, I’m going to be joined by Sue Swanborough, who’s an expert HR director. We’re going to be actually talking about resilience and handling uncertainty at this present moment which is unprecedented in our times. Now, I met Sue I think it was about 12 years ago, would you say it was about 12 years ago we first met,
 
Sue: I would imagine.
 
Ruth: And at the time you were here HR director in General Mills for the UK and Ireland.  But we’ve known each other for a long number of years Sue and I have had some against really stimulating thought provoking conversations. But we also like things really practical. So I asked Sue if she’d like to join me to talk about resilience as I explained it’s important right now. And before we go into that Sue would you like to share a little bit more about yourself?
 
Sue: Great, thanks Ruth Hello, so I’m Sue Swanborough, I’m married twin daughters who are coming towards the end of a university education, along with the bulk of my career, I started as a scientist and moved cross functionally through various roles, R&D, manufacturing, supply chain and strategic roles before moving into the senior HR roles. I’ve worked within global fmcg organisations so Boots, Mars, General Mills, which is where we met, and most latterly UK based Whitworths dried fruits, nuts and seeds. And you know, I love my role as an HR director, I find this a brilliant platform to catalyse change and transform organisations while creating bonds of trust, so that people feel they can be themselves and release some of the untapped potential flaws in service business results. I love generating growth conversations in business and seeing people develop before your eyes achieving things that you’ve never thought possible. It’s really energising. So I feel very fortunate to be entrusted to enable as many organisations I’ve worked for, and also to have worked alongside people like Ruth, who have helped me in catalysing that change.
 
Ruth: Thank you, Sue, and I know you’ve done some really, really great stuff in those organisations. So let’s talk about resilience. I mean, it is unprecedented time so how do you see things currently
 
Sue: Really clearly unprecedented in challenging times for everybody, we’re adjusting some new situation, and really revamped rewriting the rulebook. The pace of trends that we’ve seen there has been truly impressive. Even the speed at which organisations have responded to. I don’t know, equipping their people to deliver their role remotely, which would have seemed impossible or applying months or years of planning, just a few short months ago.
I’m often asked when I think we’ll get back to normal. Well that’s not meant to happen, it probably isn’t even helpful to involve adjustments for us, for everybody facilities, and the ability of leaders to lead with crisis is and will continue to be sorely tested, often determining whether or not organisations will fail or survive. The best leaders are those that are wise enough to use crisis like these to strengthen their organisations for the long term. It’s in tough times that leaders have the opportunity to shine as it’s through their actions and the reputation of health organisations can be built or destroyed overnight. And we can see examples of both occurring.
 
Ruth: That’s very  true we can. So what would you say are the top two or three key challenges that are facing leaders today so that they can be the ones that come out of this the strongest.
 

The following is an AI transcript, so please ignore any errors.
Hello and welcome to this episode of the blue pea leader. And I want to share with you how you can navigate uncertainty, with style. Well, at least with a resource that will ensure you come through this stronger.
Because in high uncertainty. People are looking to be led by you, by the media, by the government and emotions are running high.
There’s still a lot of anxiety and fear. And this leads to your thoughts being all over the place. Which, to be fair isn’t all that helpful, especially if it’s happening to you, and at the same time you’re trying to lead or comfort, your team, who are experiencing the same.
But there is a secret to navigating uncertainty, and it’s counter to what we’ve been trained to do. Because at the end of the day, it’s never about the obstacles. What it is is about how you respond to them.
 
Now, I recently asked some of my clients question, which is, who do you want to be as you come through, what we’re going through.
And when they thought about answering the question. Basically, it’s, it’s not the easiest question to answer you don’t get that instant Oh, here we go. It’s what I call a quality question a quality question will bring up a quality answer. And in essence by pondering this question. It’s in your deciding who you want to be when you come through this and that, actually shapes your future.
Now, if you’re just trying to get through this. Like, just try to sort of get through this. Then you’re going to come out the other side smaller, feeling battered bruised, with not an awful lot to show for it. And your thoughts and your feelings will be all over the place.
There’s something that I remember a mentor of mine said many years ago. So the exact words were Ruth, you can’t lead people through territory you’ve never been through.
And over time, I actually realised the merit in what was said. In fact, I was chatting to a client, the other day who said to me you know how on earth you’re managing stay so positive I’m energised talking to you.
And of course, you know, the short answer would be, I’ve been here before. And I don’t mean a pandemic because I haven’t. But I’ve had my world turned upside down, and inside out on several occasions. And I’ve been sat there, looking backwards, pining, and looking forwards going blankety blank. And in the middle of it going what on earth.
 
So, firstly, let’s look at emotions. The number one, being anxiety.  Now anxiety, is your imagination in action. But it’s in action badly. Now imagination is great, but you just have to learn to use it properly and anxiety is you imagining that something bad is going to happen in the future. So, I guess this is a bit of tough love.  It’s when you’re imagining things not working out. And I don’t mean from a risk assessment point of view, you’re effectively saying you’ve lost confidence.
As a leader. It is totally okay to say, I’ve got no idea what the future is going to look like. Exactly. and it will be bumpy as we get there. But you also need to convey that you’re confident, and that you and the team will make it, and that the future will be good because it will be.
Now our brains are wired to react more to threats than rewards. So what we have to do as leaders is minimise the threats as best we can, and maximise the rewards.
And let’s face it, if we look. Some of these threats are actually imaginary. We need to identify those and put them in perspective, or get rid of them. We’ve entered a global change with no apparent future. And we kind of view, a change as a threat something like this, which is huge, is understandably disorientated.

Please be aware what follows is an AI Transcript, please excuse typos’ and any other slightly weird stuff but you’ll get the gist of the interview…..
 
Ruth: Hello and welcome to the blue pea leader podcast, and in this episode, I am joined by somebody that I have known for about five years and we have had some fantastic conversations around learning and development and leadership, and what we think is good practice and what we think is bad practice. And so I thought I’d invite us along to talk today we’re going to talk about performance management. Now, Anne is a qualified learning professional and she’s working in one of the top online travel companies in the world. And as mentioned she focuses on leadership development in particular performance management and is responsible for designing and delivering Global Learning initiatives that produce behavioural change, and business impact. I mean I have to say I’ve said we have known and for five years. I think this lady knows what she’s on about.
So, Anne, performance management.
 
Anne: Yes, it’s my hot topic at the moment so I’m really pleased you asked me to have a conversation with you about it. I have thoughts.
 
Ruth: Good. I want to hear them. I mean, I could start with. Why do you think performance management is important for leaders?
 
Anne: Well first of all I think performance management, the term itself can be quite limiting and almost come across negatively, I think for employees it certainly feels that way. It feels like you’re being managed controls. And in a way, I would say, what’s important to managers about this topic is really it’s where you get to performance develop your employees. And so we kind of talked about management and control but what we really mean is two sides to it. One is to really enable your employees to deliver their best work and to grow while they do that. And on the other hand, for a manager to be able to articulate really clearly what they’re seeing that their employees are doing well. And to explain with logic, the score that they will get if you are a company that works with scores, or even more so, the salary and the reward and the bonus. So it’s about transparency and fairness, as well as, enabling your employees to really succeed. Well, and that’s a massive topic, and most of what a manager does. I agree it is a it is a huge topic and it is most of what they do, and you say it is about setting that clarity of expectations, so that you both know what you’re in the game for.
 
Ruth: Exactly. Yeah, it’s a sense of psychological safety and an employee, if they know what’s expected of them and they know they’re on track. I mean, that means you can just relax and really focus on your job, and that’s so important so performance management performance development is really about creating the best employee experience that an employee can have with you as a manager.
So let’s go into talking about some of the problems or issues that that I’ve seen and you’ve seen when effectively pump performance management is either done badly, or not at all.
 
Anne: Yeah. Yes, we have seen a lot we have talked about this. So I think it starts the beginning of the cycle I mean let’s just be clear on what performance management is, it’s, it’s about saying in a certain timeframe. Let’s agree between manager and employee, what it is that you’re going to focus on for business results. So we know that where you’re prioritising when you’re focusing First of all, it’s realistic. We’re not asking you to do too much. We’re not asking you to do, too little for your skill set or your time. But also, it’s definitely focused on what the business needs,

In conversations with leaders, the topic of motivating staff often comes up.  Either the company has gone through some lean times, or there is constant pressure on budgets.  In some cases it’s about a war on talent and retaining your best staff.  Other times it’s that leaders have asked their people to keep giving that bit extra of staff to make it through the challenge.
To combat any of the above one option is bonus’s and pay rises.  And given some of the above challenges the extra cash may not even be available.  Which isn’t as bad as it seems.  Frederick Herzberg said donkey’s years ago, pay is a hygiene factor and not a motivator.  Without it you’ve got serious problems, but there is a point beyond which it doesn’t motivate or engage staff.
In fact Lord Richard Layard wrote a book Happiness – Lessons from a new science.  Research shows that there is a fiscal point above which earning anymore doesn’t make you happier.  If memory serves me right it’s £25K.
Beyond the money
Here are some of the things that increase employee engagement

* Achievement
* Recognition
* Responsibility
* Autonomy
* Promotion / Career Progression
* Learning and Development
* Strong Relationships / Team work
* Flexible Working

These softer, more intrinsic aspects are what we should ensure are present.  Typically when they aren’t, that’s when people start demanding more money.  It’s a sign that they don’t feel valued but are at a loss to put in place the intrinsic factors, so the tangible cash solution is a sticking plaster that patches things up for a while.
As the profits increase staff will, quite rightly, expect a share of that somehow.  And if you can’t offer cash bonus’s get creative.  Use the money you do have to invest in ensuring the more intangible, intrinsic motivators are present, then the results are often far higher than a pure cash solution.
Creative Resources
Some of the intrinsic elements I mention above won’t require a lot of money, if any at all.  They will take up some of your time and energy.  Even something like learning and development doesn’t have to cost.  There are so many sources of good material, that you can use to stimulate discussion.  And following that discussion, agree action and support them in implementing it.
In fact you might find that it’s a good thing to practice before you do invest money on their learning and development.  They’ll already be in the habit of thinking, and applying, which means when you do ‘send’ them on a paid course they’re going to implement something from it, rather than see it as a jolly day out of the office.
What Next?
Let me give you a starter for ten, watch this video from Daniel Pink and ask yourself what can I implement in my team right now?
And when you are contemplating the right time to invest in your leaders, we have some tips to consider so that again you invest wisely.
There are of course other things your employees look for from you as a leader.  We share 5 of the things you should be doing in this article.
Lastly here is more inspiration on ways of engaging your staff.
 

How often do you hold back or not say or do something because you’re worried about how it will be perceived?  If the frequency is higher than you’d like then take comfort, you’re not alone, most of us do this far more than we’d be comfortable to admit.
Blending in or holding back are our tell-tale signs that we’re being less than authentic.  What’s worse when we do it -usually in order to feel safe – we end up selling out on our self.  Over time this repeated sell out leads our ‘self’ to feel under valued, unwanted, and wrong.  And so begins a long spiral downwards, where we put more and more of our self in a box. Think of this as a long slow death before the ultimate box marked coffin.  Yet it’s not irreversible, at any we time can stop boxing ourselves up.
Embrace Diversity, Feel Included, I Belong
What we’d all like is to have the freedom of self-expression.  To be who we were born to be, loud and proud.  Not looking over our shoulder and second-guessing people’s reactions and responses.  Not reacting to a look that we’ve interpreted as disapproval of us as a person.
Here’s the rub though, we’ve had years of practice, feedback and learning to hold back, to second guess, to judge and silently ask another to be a little less of themselves and fit in more.  We probably became masters of this in the school playground, learning it’s more important to be ‘liked’ and fit in than to express yourself, follow your passion and go for your dreams.
Human beings need positive social interaction, the sort in which we feel included and have a sense of belonging.  We also need to be authentic.  And therein lies one of the biggest ongoing challenges of life.  To be able to have it all, rather than it being an either / or choice.
We all want to be our true selves and know we’re valued and have a place in the world.  As leaders we talk about being a role model and the above-mentioned challenge is possibly the hardest of all.  Can I still be true to myself or am I now feeling like I should be someone else?
Learning to delegate and not micromanage might seem tough but it’s nothing compared to this challenge.  Building high performing teams, coaching your staff or getting commitment to a vision are all learn-able – and the secret sauce that differentiates the good from the great is the leaders ability to be themselves, to allow others to be themselves and for all to feel included and belong.  In short, I call it Authentic Success.
4 Ways to be more authentic?
Self-Awareness – know who you really are.  
Make a commitment to your own personal growth.  This is one investment that lasts a life time.  Where ever you go, there you are.  Your skills, talents, personality, values, identity – all of that goes with you.  It doesn’t belong to anyone else.  You may share these gifts (possibly in return for money) but the other person doesn’t own them.
What self-awareness and personal growth have you done in the last 12 months? (This could be books you’ve read, courses you’ve attended, goals you’ve completed or are in the pursuit of etc.)
As leaders we can fall foul of thinking personal development is a luxury, something we will fit in when we have the time.  Now Professional Development that’s more important.  If you’re in IT and you program, then keeping up to date on coding for example is important.  In leadership your value is in balancing people, task and system.  Therefore, developing your people skills is crucial and that can often look like personal development and so we mistakenly de-prioritise.
I’ve met leaders on a course who learn everything from the perspective of their team, others, out there.  You also need to look within, at you.  Otherwise taken to the extreme you become a leader who thinks everyone else is the problem an...

Career Flat Spots
I recently had a client tell me they felt stuck in their career.  A sort of career stagnation or sense of spinning wheels.  I know this sensation isn’t a rarity, so just what do you do when you feel stuck in your career? Firstly make sure that you don’t make the feeling wrong or bad.  When you do this you demonise feeling stuck and then ironically the stuckness prevails, once you stop demonising the feeling very often, you then discover what’s underneath it.
Reasons we feel stuck
There are a variety of reasons why we can feel stuck in our career.

* You think you should be further on in your career. You think something else should have happened by now.  The difficulty is in resolving the tension between your expectations and what currently is.  There is a feeling of impatience and rather than feel that; it’s easier to delude ourselves and say we’re stuck.
* The second option is that there is something that is calling you, but it’s left-field, it’s weird, it’s not in line with the plans you had, and because it’s left-field you don’t necessarily embrace and want to explore it. In this case, being stuck is not necessarily a bad thing and can often lead to the next point.
* Lastly, sometimes we are stuck because we are being held in place for a moment for things to catch up, for new things to come into place. And if we demonise being stuck, we shut down our brain from operating at its full capacity, utilising its full creativity.  Here a good test is to check the following, is the sense of stuck accompanied by loss of energy? Does what you’re doing feel dead to you?  If the answer is yes, look around and ask yourself what is there that gives you more energy, that feels more alive for you?  Then pursue that because somehow in pursuing that it may get you out of whatever is stuck in your career.

Pass me the career ladder
We don’t necessarily have a career ladder anymore.  You know that nice straight-line path, all the moves and promotions mapped out.  Now it’s more likely that a career starts off in one domain and ends up in a completely different one.  My career has spanned 30 years.  I started out working in a laboratory with chemicals.  It’s also included running a technical library, searching patents, managing projects, working in different countries, leading teams and departments.  For me, there is a theme, analysis, and releasing and utilising the potential from the ‘bodies’.  Whether that was a chemical, a company, a business or an individual; but on the face of it given some of my job titles, it wouldn’t necessarily look like a logical career path.
Moving beyond stuck
Having read the common reasons we feel stuck, you may have identified which one fits.  If you want to put yourself in a space that feels more useful and productive then I suggest you do anything that energises you.  Daily do something, anything that makes you feel alive.  It doesn’t even have to be work or career orientated.  Then secondly look at what’s going on in your head.  What’s the narrative that’s running?  What’s the overall attitude you’re walking around with?  Maybe it’s time to re-write the story.
Remember when you were 4 years old
Allow yourself to reconnect to your imagination.  Watch young children, and their imagination lets them be all sort of things.  One minute they’re making pizza, the next they’re a doctor fixing you up, and as they leap around the garden they’re a superhero saving the world.   Now you could recall all those jobs you fantasised about when you were 4,5 or 6 and see what the theme was.  And you could tap into your imagination now through creativity.

What happens when company purpose and passionate employees align - a massive boost of employee enthusiasm. And without it - here's a real story.

Burnout, stress, overwhelm, overworked - a few side effects of having our boundaries at work crossed repeatedly. You have value, your team has value and you can’t help them maintain healthy boundaries if you can’t.

Investing in your future leaders is a risky business, choosing the right time and the right way can return dividends both for the company and the individual

With the increase in change, employees are looking for more than just ‘work’ and the quality of our relationships is key to engagement; As leaders we need more than tools, processes and skills.  We also need to look at our Emotional Intelligence.
Daniel Goleman, Richard Boyatzis and Annie McKee, wrote an essential book on this The New Leaders if you haven’t read it put in on your list.
Becoming more aware of your own emotions and knowing how to use them to drive better quality decision making is critical in your leadership.
Here are 5 areas you can focus on to improve your EQ
Develop Your Self Awareness
How self-aware are you?  Do you know your ‘triggers’ and what puts you in a good or bad mood? This could be a person, a word, a tone of voice, a look.  Knowing what pushes your buttons in either a good way or a bad way is very useful.
For example when I’m teaching influencing, we talk about how we are influenced, not just how can we influence others better.  The more self aware you are, the more you know when you’re being swayed one way or the other.  The more you can make a conscious choice as to what you want to do.
Responsibility
The same goes for your emotions.  You hear a word, you have an emotional reaction, and then you find yourself behaving in a certain way.  This response is a reaction.  The more self aware you are, the more you can choose how you respond rather than react.  Stephen Covey called this response-ability.
“It ain’t what you say it’s the way that you say it.”
What about the impact of your communication style on others?  We have our own preferred style.  There are 4, (we teach these in our communication skills course) and a common reaction from leaders I’ve shared this with is, “now I get why that person and I don’t seem to get on”.  It’s not our personalities; it’s the way we prefer to communicate.  And you can learn to flex your communication style.  Leaders with high EQ do this a lot.
½ full ½ empty
As a leader, your attitude is everything. Seeing the glass as ½ empty, talking about the risks and downsides, what’s wrong, who’s to blame, why it can’t be done.  This has a hidden cost.  Not only are you miserable to work for, but your pessimism is contagious.  You’re training others to think and talk this way.
Train your mind to see the positive first.  What’s working, what’s right, what could be done better. I’m not suggesting that we never consider the risks and look at what could go wrong so we can safeguard against it.  However think of it as balance.
Your brain when your emotions are one of despair, frustration, anger works differently to when you’re hopeful or happy.  It means your thought process is different as different bits of your brain are active dependant on the emotion.  Because of this, your level of resourcefulness and resilience is affected.  And ultimately your decision making is altered, so your decisions are different.  Have you ever looked back and wondered why you made some choice you now label as crazy… what was your predominant emotional state on the run-up to that decision?
So to make better choices and use your emotions wisely.  Look at the possibility first, then make a choice.  Then run your choice through a risk assessment.
Be approachable
I’m not talking about being liked or being social.  It’s not about tailoring what you say or do so that people like you, if doing that means the message is lost.  Neither does this mean you have to attend social events if you don’t want to.  The latter in some cases can be a minefield, especially if you used to be peers with these people.

Many years ago, (I won’t count how many if you don’t mind!,) I was introduced to a couple of different coaching principles that I was encouraged to use as I built my coaching expertise. 
 
Here they are-> 
‘The meaning of communication is the response you get’ and ‘People are doing the best they can with the resources they have’.
I don’t mind admitting that it took me a while to completely get my head around both these statements. You see, the first one is implying that how someone responds to me is entirely down to me! I know makes your head hurt a bit, doesn’t it.
Then I am expected to believe that a team member who is making life difficult for their colleagues, clients, themselves and yes me…is doing the best that they can…really? 
Fast forward in time and having learnt, in some cases the hard way, these two principles have stood me in good stead; especially in terms of getting better at coaching ‘difficult’ people. 
In this post, I am going to share why these principles made such a difference to the way I coach and handling those challenging individuals.  
Let me start by exploring the two principles.   
 
‘The Meaning Of Communication Is The Response You Get’
When I am working with a team of managers, I will often hear phrases such as; 
‘They just don’t understand what I am asking them to do’ 
‘It’s gone over their heads’ 
‘I don’t get it; they did what I asked them not to do’ 
It’s simple if your team or an individual does not understand you; it’s rarely about their lack of intellect. 99% of the time it’s about how you communicated what you did, the language you used, your style of communication, maybe the detail you did or didn’t use. Put in another way; it’s about what you said, the way you said it or what you didn’t ‘t say. Either way, it’s about YOU, not your team or team member. 
As soon as I understood this, it opened up enormous opportunities for me to do things differently when communicating and coaching, especially difficult people. I will explain more later.
 
‘People Are Doing The Best They Can With The Resources They Have’. 
Now this may seem a hard concept to follow as you may find yourself thinking, ‘there is no way my difficult person is doing the best that they can!’
Let’s take a closer look at resources – there is time, money, energy, creativity, experience…  When we look at it from this perspective, we often notice where the gap is.  When I’m tired my energy is lower, my decision making or ability to focus, or listen may not be the same quality.  Consequently the outcome won’t be the same as when that resource is high.  Now it’s not like a get out of jail free card.  I still have to learn from this and take responsibility for myself.  However it is right at that moment I really am doing the best I can with the resources I have.   
What we tend to do is judge, sometimes took quickly.  Let’s think of another situation; years ago you learned to walk.  Hopefully, your parents were kind to you when you fell over.  They praised you, offered words of encouragement, highlighting progress if not directly to you then when they were talking with other parents.  Some people learned to crawl before they walked, others went straight to walking, each took their own route and length of time.  And at the end we can walk, run, maybe even dance; no one said about being in time to the music on that last one.  Again self–imposed judgement.  Notice how quickly we do it.   
Unfortunately we can be less compassionate with adults than we are with children. We judge them and expect more based on what we believe they ‘should’ be able to do. Without checking to see if that was possible at that moment.  A habit which can quickly erode someone‘s confidence. 
How Do These Principles Relate To Getting Better At Coaching ...

Have you ever wondered how many times a day you are distracted? And it’s not just because you are procrastinating over writing a report or avoiding having a challenging conversation with one of your team.  
Take a moment and think about it: how often does the following happen?   

A colleague or client calls to ask a question
One of your team asks if they can run an idea past… now
Email pings in and you can’t resist the urge to check it, then find yourself responding
Your mobile rings, someone else wanting your time
Messenger is open on your PC, and a friend is asking if you will be making it to the gym tonight
 

Moreover, let’s get real; all these can happen in the space of an hour or less.  
Udemy In–Depth 2018 Workplace Distraction Report showed that 70% of workers felt distracted when they were on the job with 16 % admitting they almost always felt distracted. The figure rose to 74% for Millennial and Gen Z employees.  
The reality is when we are so distracted; our productivity decreases significantly. However, our to–do list doesn’t get shorter; it gets longer as it is continuously being added to.  
This is a recipe for increased stress, and I have only referred to this one contributory factor to workplace stress. In this article, rather than list many more I want to share some ideas on how you can handle stress at work whatever the cause. 
A great place to start is to look at how you can prevent stress before it happens.  
Prevention Is Better Than Cure
 
Energy And Focus
Tony Schwarz wrote a book called the Power Of Full Engagement (I would recommend it).  In it, he shares how working in 90-minute cycles followed by a brief recovery period clears any build–up of stress. Short breaks can include taking a short walk, doing a 10-minute burst of exercise at your desk or even walking up and down a few flights of stairs. 
Managing your energy includes thinking about what you eat and drink. While a sugar or caffeine–fuelled snack may taste good and give you a spike of energy, in the long run, this is short–lived, and your energy levels quickly drop. It also causes your body to develop a self–perpetuating cycle of then needing another sugar/caffeine boost.  This biochemical response will eventually lead to a whole host of other problems for you to sort out. 
Remember, healthy snacks, and drinking water will help fuel you and help you focus for longer.  So on the plus side, your body is living biochemistry that is far healthier.
While there are different schools of thought on sleep, the fact is your body, and that includes your mind, needs time to recover. 
You may not feel you need the regular 8 hours that some of your friends and family do but burning the candle at both ends will not help set your day up to start with energy and focus.   Matthew Walker has written an insightful book on Why We Sleep, which I’ve recommended to many.  As we get more time–pressured it’s easy to believe we can cut back on sleep and there not be any significant detriment.  The thing is there isn’t a noticeable one if we lose an hour a night.  Well, not immediately but over time it impacts things like our creativity.  A valuable asset for most leaders I know.  
If you find your mind is racing and preoccupied when you get to bed, test this simple breathing technique for yourself, recommended by Sharon Melnick PhD, a business psychologist. 
Cover your right nostril and breathe through your left for 3-5 minutes.  That’s it; you don’t switch nostrils.

Making the transition from friend to manager is never easy. So how do you handle it and ensure you have your new team’s backing and mutual respect. In this article we look at six ways of handling your former peers successfully.

Emotions are a fact of life.  
We all have them, and it‘s sometimes challenging to keep them in check. In the workplace, emotional outbursts can have a detrimental effect on the whole team, not just an individual.  
Anger, frustration, fear – negative emotions in the workplace can destroy a team; so how you as a leader handle emotion in your team is paramount to your overall success. 
There are two things to bear in mind – the first is handling other’s emotions and encouraging them to develop self-awareness and emotional intelligence skills to deal with their workplace emotions. 
The second is looking inwardly at your own emotions and how they play out in your role as team leader. 
 
Managing Your Own Emotions 
 

 
So, let’s start first with you.   
After all, great leaders go first, so it’s only fitting that you should examine yourself first and work on improving your self-awareness skills so that you can successfully initiate change in others. 
Self-awareness is sadly lacking in many of today‘s leaders and yet is so important in leading successfully.  
Marc Brackett, director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and author of Permission to Feel, states that of all the facets of emotional intelligence, emotional regulation may be the ‘master skill’. 
In other words, your emotional intelligence plays a pivotal role in your team’s dynamic, and being able to regulate your actions and reactions will set the benchmark for your team. 
The ability to assess yourself will inevitably lead to a better awareness of your emotions and the ability to keep them in check in the workplace (and elsewhere!). This will inspire confidence in you as a leader who is thoughtful and measured in their response, and enable you to establish an ethos of trust and flexibility in your team.  
Additionally, self-awareness will lead to an understanding of your mindset, focusing on the positive to create motivation in others and having the necessary drive to initiate action and achieve goals. 
 
Managing Your Team’s Emotions 
 

 
As Stephen Covey said, “Seek first to understand”.  
That member of your team who fails to engage or seems to get angry easily may have an underlying reason. While I’m not suggesting that that negativity should be excused, its more often than not the case that someone who is experiencing emotional outbursts at work has something going on.  
It may be that they are struggling with their work because they don’t have the right skill set, or that they have a problem in their personal life. 
Don’t be quick to judge. 
The best way to handle it is to have an honest conversation.  That way you’re neither assuming, or ignoring what’s going on. 
Don’t be afraid and leave it too long – many leaders shy away from dealing with difficult discussions but ignoring an issue can end up with it getting totally out of hand with team members storming out of meetings, for example, or going off sick, and affecting the morale of the whole team. 
So, have that conversation. And don’t just let the individual know how it’s affecting the team. Give them the opportunity to explain their behaviour. Practice active listening; take on board what they are saying, so they feel listened to, and help them work out a positive way forward. 
Sometimes all it takes is giving your time and empathy to make a difference. 
If you find that your initial conversations stall and no improvement is made in their behaviour, then I recommend a more indepth feedback conversation. 
This will enable you to explain thoroughly how they are be...

How do you find a great leadership coach, and do you do the coaching face to face, phone, what’s the best frequency, duration, industry?  There are so many questions to consider when you choose your leadership coach.
If you’re someone who wants to do the best by your staff, for the business you lead and of course yourself.  Then you’ll be going places you’ve never been before, and this will challenge your knowledge and your mental models.  The latter of which can be done so much faster with the help of a leadership coach.
Finding the right coach
You can do this through recommendation.  Ask your mentors, ask other successful leaders who they have used.  You can, of course, search the internet or use LinkedIn etc. If they have a website, you can get a feel for their experience or style.
When you find someone, ask them what their background is.  Who do they typically work with, i.e. level of leadership? What are some of their successes?
One question I get is, does the coach have to have experience of the industry.  The answer is, maybe.  This is coaching not mentoring, so technically, the answer is no.  However, sometimes it can be advantageous as they are aware of the language, the challenges, the possibilities.
Probably what is more advantageous is whether the coach is a cultural fit for your organisation.
Clarity
It helps you and the potential coach if you have a clear idea of what outcome you’d like to achieve, the reason you have chosen coaching.  What are your expectations?  What are your constraints (if any)?  What else have you tried to reach your outcome?  It all helps the coach determine if they can help you achieve your results.  What level of change is required and do they work at that level.
This way, as you’re doing your research and having conversations, the best fit can be determined on both sides.  You’re choosing them as much as they’re choosing to work with you.
There have been times I’ve known that while I could work with the person technically; I also knew there was a better person to coach them from a personality fit.
Duration of Coaching
This is a tough one because it depends upon what you want to achieve as an outcome.  In some cases, the length is a few hours, which can be done as an intensive ½ or 1 day together.  In other instances its say an hour a month over the next 6-12 months.
If it’s the latter route, then what is important is commitment.  Protect those coaching slots as precious gold.  It’s all too easy to let an urgent bit of work take over and ask can we just move our slot.  We often confuse urgent and important.  Your coaching session is important to you achieving your outcome.  Whatever is urgent is, but forfeiting your coaching slot is often not the best decision to handle the urgent.
No one will value your coaching more than you do.  My clients often say that these sessions are their lifeblood, their time to get perspective, to reassess and recharge.  Initially, they may have let urgent takeover but not anymore. Instead, they looked at what was happening so that urgent kept coming up — root cause analysis rather than surface treatment.
Face to Face or Phone?
Coaching doesn’t have to be face to face to work.  I’ve got clients all around the world, and we often chat on the phone.  Of course, with advances in technology, we can skype or facetime, but it’s more a nice to rather than have to.
When I do my intensive coaching sessions, they’re either on the phone or face to face.  I have several clients who again make the trip to see me and use that travel time to prepare for the session or to begin their action plan post the session.  They prefer to come to me rather than me to them because of this reflection space.

I have heard a phrase used many times in leadership training and when coaching one to one.  
It’s said with sincere conviction and a genuine belief that “it’s just me and who I am”, yet it is, without doubt, one of the most damaging habits a leader can have and one of the most challenging to break.  
The phrase? “I am just a control freak, that’s all”.
It’s often said as a throwaway comment that justifies why a leader is shall we say, “excessively meddling in their team’s day to day activities”. 
So if you ask to be cc’d into all your team‘s emails, have a need to know all the minutiae of what each team member is working on and insist that things are done your way, then I am afraid to tell you that you have a severe case of “micromanagement”. 
Moreover, it’s a habit well worth stopping now if you have ambitions to progress your leadership career to the next level. 
Today I want to share five reasons to stop micromanaging now and what to start doing instead. 
First though, let’s get clear on what we are talking about here. 
 
What Is Micromanagement?  
 

 
Wikipedia defines micromanagement as; 
“A management style whereby a manager closely observes and controls and reminds the work of their subordinates or employees.” 
Apologies – Wikipedia seems to like the word subordinates! 
 
Reason 1: You Become and Remain A Fire Fighter
Having worked in many organisations with teams from functional groups such as operations to marketing, research and most in-between, I have seen examples where teams adapt to a micromanager. Generally, it’s been in one of two ways;  

* The team, in their frustration, become quietly rebellious. 
Or incapable of working independently and making decisions without consulting.  

The consequence of setting up this way of working is your team spend an inordinate amount of time firefighting instead of focusing on high priority and essential tasks that only you as a leader can action. 
 
Reason 2: Communicates A Lack of Trust
The result of continued micromanagement is a complete breakdown of trust. 
No longer will you be seen as the role model leader, instead you will be viewed as someone who gets in the way of your team members using the talents they were hired for in the first place. 
Several things happen when people feel they are not trusted:  

The law of reciprocity applies, and your team members begin to lose trust in you too. 
Employees become de-motivated, which impacts productivity. 
If there are no signs of “change” employees will look to use their talents elsewhere.
This could be in another department or externally in a new organisation. 
 

Reason 3: Creates Dependency 
Research by Drs Gene Dalton and Paul Thomson in their Four Stages Of Contribution model demonstrates there are four stages an employee can transition through as they look to increase their individual contribution to an organisation.  
Stage one is known as the ‘Contributing Dependently’. Now the reality is when an employee starts a new job in their existing or a new company, they spend some time being dependent as they begin to learn new systems and processes, get to know the ins and outs of their new role as well as potentially building relationships and networks. 
Over time and with appropriate management, the aim is for a person to develop towards an Independent Contributor. However, micromanagement sets up an environment where an employee
stops thinking for themselves. They either wait to be told what to do next or ask their manager what to do.  

Employees around the globe are reporting that change is a constant in organisations today, and while the focus may currently be on how technology is driving change mainly through artificial intelligence, the reality is different. 
Change is happening at an unprecedented pace due to mergers and acquisitions, leadership transitions, which is frequently followed by restructuring. Add to this, regulatory changes 
and how politics is influencing and impacting business, it’s easy to understand why employees feel 
‘big’ change is affecting their day to day working lives at many different levels.  
Mckinsey reports that 70% of change management programs fail so we know that leading change isn’t easy. However, when a leader understands the different levels of change that are happening in their organisation, they can plan and prepare to lead the change in a way that sets their organisation up to be part of the 30% of change programs that succeed. 
In this two–part article, we share the six levels of change that great leaders take time to understand.
 
What Are The 6 Levels Of Change?
 

 
Robert Dilts is an organisational psychologist who has researched change and organisational learning. His research demonstrated that:  

Change occurs at multiple levels in organisations (he identified 6); 
For change to be sustainable, it needs to happen and be supported at more than one level; 
When change occurs at a lower level, it is generally found that results are less sustainable… what do people say, “A leopard never changes its spots” and “Old habits die hard!”; 
A leader can often identify what level a person or team, even an organisation, is at by the nature of conversations people have, the questions being asked and the language 
employees use. 
 

The levels are as follows – Low to High

* Environment 
Behaviour 
Capability 
Values and Beliefs 
Identity 
Purpose 

Let‘s take a closer look at each level and what they refer to in an organisational context. 
 
Environment
 

 
Here you can think about things such as the office environment that your teams work in, remembering that for virtual colleagues this could mean working from home, a local office hot desk
or at times a café or local business centre with work stations. 
Also, consider the environments of your different clients. The environment influences how people work.  
Today, we are so familiar with open plan offices. This hasn’t always been the case. Pre the “noughties”, if you worked in an office, it was highly likely that you would have your own office. The downside was that colleagues didn’t communicate and departments were even more siloed than they can be today.  Moving toward open–plan offices encouraged communication and collaboration.
Ironically, recent research shows that large open plan offices are now impacting productivity as the number of distractions is so great.
The point here is: make changes to a person’s work environment, and it can change their results.
 
Behaviour
This corresponds to what you are doing. Remember those early days as a leader when you thought you had to have the answer to all your team‘s questions? Then you realised you were being asked the same questions 6 months later. It was only when you stopped answering their questions and started coaching them using indirect questions that your team started coming up with their own ideas!
Change what you are doing,

As leaders, we know we don’t have the answer for everything, and there will be times when we’re more unsure than others.  What our team are looking for isn’t that we know everything, it is that we’re confident we can find the answer from somewhere.
Here are 6 things you can do that will help build your confidence and for others to have confidence in you.
Be Curious.
You’re going to have a different opinion than others at some point.  And people will disagree with you.  When they do, if you lack confidence, then a common reaction to the first is not to speak up, and the second is to feel defensive.  Alternatively, stay curious.  Wonder what is it that this person sees different to you.  What data might they be in possession of that if you knew that, you might have a different opinion too.  Equally, if you’re not speaking up, ask yourself what data you have that the other person might not be aware of and share.
Delegate. 
When you lack confidence or are uncertain, you tend to hang on to things that you should be delegating.  That way, you don’t show your vulnerability, and you get to stay in control. If you’re doing your job right, there will be someone in the team who you could still delegate to and share the concerns you have. It stops you micromanaging; and here are 5 reasons to stop micromanaging. Also, make sure you aren’t using these crazing excuses not to delegate either.
Seek feedback of all kinds.
Feedback isn’t just what didn’t work.  It’s also what went well.  To increase your confidence, ask for input from a variety of sources.  Again when we lack confidence, we tend to seek feedback from those we think will say what we expect, or just plain be kind to us. In case they don’t know how to give feedback ask them:-
What did I do well?
What can I do better?
What can I do differently / stop doing?
That way, you find out what you can still work on developing, and you also become aware of where you’re already succeeding.  Nothing erodes confidence faster than just being told what didn’t work.  Nor does hearing what we expect to build our confidence too.  We’re bright enough to know we’re tricking ourselves.  The thing is while I’ve called it feedback; in many cases, it is someone’s opinion, which means it can come with flaws.  Here is an excellent article in Harvard Business Review that discussions the distortion in feedback.
 Give credit and share the limelight. 
When a leader lacks confidence, they take credit for others work or ideas.  They can also struggle to share the spotlight for fear that others may be noticed or share ideas.  This behaviour is usually done, so they appear valuable or required.  You’ll notice confident leaders use we, the team, our, more than me, I.  They praise, give credit, shine a light on other people.  The more you do this; the more people enjoy working with you and the more likely they are to contribute great ideas and excellent work.  I enjoyed reading Abby Wambach’s book Wolfpack; there are some great stories that beautifully illustrate working together.
 Ask questions. 
Confident leaders ask questions and listen to the answers.  They happily ask for help and support.  They know this is a route to continuing their growth and learning, which leads to an increase in confidence.  Read our post on 6 ways to improve your questioning skills.
Admit to mistakes.
Insecure leaders want to protect themselves and ...

Lifelong learning and leadership are two phrases destined to be together.  
Lifelong learning is a phrase that’s been around a while, and the thinking behind it was that knowledge, education and learning aren’t only confined to our childhood and the classroom but takes place over the course of our lifetime. 
Here is a fascinating quote from Brian Tracy, the well-known sales and leadership trainer. 
“If you read only one book per month, that will put you into the top 1% of income earners in our society. However, if you read one book per week, 50 books per year, that will make you one of the best educated, smartest, most capable and highest paid people in your field. Regular reading will transform your life completely.”   
If this doesn’t inspire you to jump on, leaning, nothing will.
Now that we know what we mean, and that lifelong learning isn’t just a buzzword, but a route to understanding and capability, let’s explore it further. 
 
Why Is Learning Essential for Modern Leaders?
 

 
Over recent years we have seen a shift in leadership thinking. Gone are the days when senior leaders were “authority figures” who were the font of all knowledge based on their intellect. We have since discovered that leaders who achieved sustained success were not necessarily those with the highest IQ, but those who had high EQ, more commonly known as emotional intelligence; we have written a piece on this recently which you can read here.
We know that change is a constant and leaders have realised that to deal with the continuous change in today’s business landscape, they need to keep developing: 
 

Their leadership skills aligned with a multigenerational workforce.  
Their ability to communicate in a way that inspires others to follow their vision.  
Their capability to engage and align employees with company values.  
Their skills to develop an environment where team members are inspired to become lifelong learners. 

 
Brian Tracy, who shared the quote above, is one of the first personal development teachers I came across in the early stage of my career. He still lectures and consults with organisations today and is a real example of lifelong learning, running a thriving global corporation based on learning at 75 years of age. 
He describes three types of learning that I want to share with you.  
 
Maintenance Learning
Maintenance learning is primarily about you staying up to date in your industry and area of expertise, whether that is as an HR Director, MD, Operations Director or Head of Talent.  
The aim is that this type of learning keeps you up to speed and prevents you from falling behind.
Many leaders I talk to mention reading an occasional book and keeping current with industry blogs and believe that this equates to adding to their education and development. 
Think again: Let’s talk about exercise briefly to illustrate this example. 
Say you know that a 30–minute mild work out twice a week will help you maintain your weight and a general level of fitness, which is one good goal to have. 
However, what it doesn’t do is build your cardiovascular fitness further or allow you to build more strength and muscle.    
Do you get my point? 
Maintenance learning is vital, and yet it will only keep you up to date, not move you forward. 
 
Growth Learning
 

 
Now, this is where you start to build your knowledge and skills in areas that you haven’t experienced before. This could be building existing capability further as well as developing new skills and expertise.  
Maybe this is platform speaking or coaching at an advanced level. 
Growth learning is about continually expanding your mind in a way that en...

On my way back from delivering a leadership course in Europe last week I was drawn to a post from Leigh Branham on why employees leave their organisation; it’s based on a book of his that is an excellent read. 
It highlighted that nearly 90% of managers think employees leave for money when the figure is closer to 12%. The post continued that 90% of Business Leaders believe an engagement strategy would make a difference and improve business performance. However, less than a quarter had any form of employee engagement activities happening in their workplace; shocking isn’t it?  
Then how about this post from Personnel Today who shared a report by employee communications platform Speakap which revealed how vital workplace culture is to employees. 
The research revealed that 42% of the 1000 people surveyed would rather work a 60-hour week than work for a company that does not value its culture. 
Six in 10 (58%) said they would take a job with their organisation’s competitor if it had a better culture than their employer, while only 13% said culture was not vital to them. 
This leads me to the nub of today’s post; what do our employees want from us. It would be easy to make assumptions so here are a few things to consider based on the many conversations I have with training course participants and coaching clients every week. 
To Feel Both Respected and Valued 
When did you last say thank you to a member of your team? I know we are all time–pressed and here to work through our ‘to-do’ list and…. I’m still waiting for an answer…… 
All too often we forget to give our employees the respect they deserve. Do we ask for their opinion or input? All too often I’ll hear a coaching client lament that when they went back into their organisation, their new idea was dismissed without a second thought. 
In turn, as you value and respect your team, they respect you too, and trust builds. 
A Vision To Work Towards 
Goal setting is vital to business performance, of course, and building a vision that everyone can get behind is an essential part of the equation too. 
If you want to see this in action visit any Disney theme park or Ikea store where a strong vision has built a fantastic culture that spawns happy employees too. 
When Walt Disney was created in 1923, it had a simple vision. The company wanted to be the “world’s leading producers and providers of entertainment and information.”  
Its core theme was to bring happiness to millions. It achieved that mission by imprinting magical and inspiring experiences on children that stuck around well into their adulthood. Disney’s vision has led it to be one of the biggest entertainment brands in the world for almost a century. 
 The key thing here is that Disney’s success has come from the power of its vision. A company’s success depends on having a solid vision for the future – and employing an engaged team that is dedicated to making that vision a reality; which your employees want, by the way.  
Empowerment 
Though this statement from Richard Branson might be well worn, I am going to share it anyway. Sir Richard is quoted as saying that why would you employ great people and then get in their way? 
I have to agree – why would you! 
Many people do though. 
It’s better to work with your employees and discuss the outcomes you want. You might just be surprised by solutions you had never thought about. 
Systems That Work 
Depending on the size of your organisation, are your systems still fit for purpose? Or are they outdated and desperately in need of a refresh? 
As human beings, we work better within a system that is built around structures and frameworks too. 
Does your infrastructure give your employees the tools they need to excel in their role? This could include creating clear processes, providing adequate training,

It appears we’re all really busy these days.
How are you? “really busy”, “crazy busy”, “manically busy” come the replies.
Nope, ordinary “busy” is not enough to win a badge of honour these days.  This Gordon’s gin and tonic advert on the subject makes me smile.
Busy or Busy Fool?
There is a disease in business that is on the increase, and if unchecked, it leads to inefficiency, higher costs and burnout.  I call this disease busyfoolitus.  Variations upon the theme of “yet another week of meetings, site visits and email, so I haven’t achieved what I wanted to.”  Seems to be a common reply to my question of “how’s it going them?”  One Senior Leadership Team recently discussed ways’ of helping their staff deal with this.  A time management course was a hotly favoured solution, until I suggested that we look a little deeper into what might be the source of this behaviour.
What is Busyfoolitus?
It’s when you’re always in action, doing things, you have a to-do list that seems to get longer, not shorter.  The critical aspect is that you can do all these things and still achieve nothing as a result.  While you can’t always see the link between an action and an outcome, overall you do get some indication of the contribution factor.
For example, you could spend your day going to meetings, sending and replying to emails / IM’s, writing PowerPoint slides or 1-page summaries for meetings.  And upon reflection, realise that nothing is different.
Pareto’s law says that 20% of our actions will deliver 80% of our results.  Our focus then should be on working out which of our actions make up that 20%.
Here is just one of the everyday habits that provide the perfect breeding ground for busyfoolitus to spread.
Meetings
All meetings have a purpose.  There is some reason or outcome for getting everyone together.  Firstly be clear what it is.  That way you know who needs to be there, what you require from them as their contribution and how long this will all take.  Then when you construct the agenda, you can pass on this clarity in your invitation.
Your thought process might go something like this.  The meeting on the 27th May is to review the progress of project jalopy and decide whether we invest in solution X or solution Y.  Bill will spend 10 minutes updating us on the results of the recent perfume study.  Then there will be 5 minutes for questions, and we’ll move on to Sandra, etc….  After we’ve heard from Bill, Sandra and Anneke we’ll be able to decide if we invest in X or we invest in Y; and that final decision should take no more than 20 minutes to conclude.  Then you articulate this thought process as a structure, which is then communicated as the agenda.  This level of clarity allows attendees to know what’s expected.
No (or poor) meeting agenda
How many times do you get pulled into meetings and you’re not sure why?  Or you were told why but now you’re there the reason seems to have morphed or evaporated.
How many of your staff attend meetings when they don’t know what the outcome of the meeting is? Or what their contribution is.  Or they don’t know how long they have to present, so arrive with material that would take 30 minutes to cover, only to find they were allocated 15 minutes, but that wasn’t communicated.  Plus due to overruns in order for the meeting to finish on time they now only have 7 minutes.
Of course, the best is when a person’s ego gets caught up in their presentation.  If he took 30 minutes instead of the 15 that were allotted, then I shall take at least twice as long too because I’m equally important if not more so.  Thereby forgetting that the sign of a great leader is someone who can bring a disaster back on track and deliver it to success.  And yes that skill includes meetings too.
How many of your staff stay in meetings when it’s clear they’ve lost their way,

Do you have any of these in your team right now?

* Lack of Trust
* Poor Communication
* Disengaged Employees
* Averagely Performing Teams
* Lack-lustre conversations

I feel the need, the need for..safety
If you do have any of the above it can be a sign that the desire for safety is an important element right now.
And by safety, I mean that cloak of invisibility we put on that allows us to experience some sort of predictability.  However unproductive and frustrating it might be.  Safety, stability, comfort.  That sense of knowing that you can do the same thing and get the same result; even if the result is poor, but you’re not rocking the boat.
Now no one’s going to check, so let’s have a moment of candid honesty with ourselves.  Have you ever made the choice to sort for safety rather than anything else? And might you be tempted in the future, depending on the stakes?
What can I say, there have been times in my life when I’d have mugged Harry Potter for his invisibility cloak.  Empathy is a critical quality in a leader, as is vulnerability and confessing to the fact that we weren’t born perfect and have made some lousy decisions and choices in our journey as a leader.  Part of my growth was in realising what was behind my choice for safety.  Or putting it another way what were the fears that were dictating my choices.
Bring on the excuses
You’ll also notice that if this desire for safety is a regular situation for someone, then they’ll have gone to the trouble of having got some really good, plausible excuses in the bag to support the current situation.  And what’s more, they’ve worked out where to point the finger.  Usually, at a 3rd party, a them or department rather than a specific person.
Think back over the last few conversations you’ve had with staff – are they showing the signs of sorting for safety?  As a leader this can be really frustrating and unrewarding when you’re doing your best to find ways of engaging staff, getting real commitment, investing in team development, working on building trust.
So, if safety is paramount for that person right now, then what’s going on underneath?
Welcome to the F Factor – Fear
Here are a 4 common fears:-
1)  Fear of being rejected by the team/group
If we’re being our self, offering our ideas, putting our self on the line then we’re scared we’ll be judged as not being good enough or acceptable to the team. If there is a change being introduced and we’re not fully on board we stay silent and don’t voice our concerns, especially if it’s the boss’s pet project.  Fitting in is more important than anything else right now.
2)  Fear of causing offence
What if we say something and it offends another person. We don’t want to rock the boat, be rejected (see above) or reported to HR for making a politically incorrect comment, so we say as little as possible, or talk vaguely or compromise or pacify.
Here’s one example, I work in manufacturing sites. I’ve had conversations with teams about the current challenges on the site and what they see are the risks, solutions etc.  I get the party line, and then I ask them what they really think is going on.  Eyes search the ground, feet shuffle and then after a gulp of air, the group fix me with an intense stare and say well it wouldn’t be politically correct.  Then I get the truth as to how they see it.  Now I have something to work with.  I’m not suggesting people should talk like that all the time, but if they’d been more honest with their leaders earlier I don’t think we’d have reached this position and things could have been improved far earlier.
3)  Fear of being wrong
We all like to have the answers, to be perfect, to not propose a solution or idea and look stupid. So we sit tight and keep quiet, working it all out in our head until we have it sorted.

Coaching is a powerful technique for helping someone unlock the potential inside of themselves.  It can be very empowering, motivating and inspiring for the person being coached.  It can also be rewarding for a leader.  Whether you are the person coaching them, or an external or you’re doing pincer coaching.  Seeing an employee grow in confidence and be able to handle challenges in work in a proactive way is one benefit. The other benefit is that it often frees up your time to focus on bigger things, so you’re both making a larger contribution.
Aside from the confusion over coaching versus mentoring here are the most common myths I’ve heard in my time which means that you’ll get none of the above benefits.
Myth 1 – Coaching is only for those with performance issues. It’s a last ditch attempt to sort them out.
Having this mindset when you’re coaching is guaranteeing disaster.  Who wants to open up and share with someone who views them this way?  And if the leader says ‘hey you need some coaching, I’ve got you one’, but this is the message behind the reason for having one, it’s not a great start to the sessions either.
I’ve been coaching now for 20 years, and some people did arrive having been given this message, either spelt out or inferred.  And yet every single person I’ve coached has already experienced success.  Those that start out having got this unhelpful message, well we have a few hurdles to get over.  Usually, it is about reconnecting them to the success they have experienced and then moving forward.
In other cases, the individual actively seeks out a coach.  They are also successful, and they want even more from their work, career, business, leadership – they’re just not totally sure how to get it.  What’s more, they’re not deluding themselves into thinking they have to figure this out all by themselves.
I’ve also met people who no longer enjoyed their job, who perhaps had become disillusioned and found the support and structure of coaching got them back on track quickly, and they tasted success once again.
By the way, this myth’s sister rides under the banner of “you’re broken, and I can fix you.” Yikes, run…..
Myth 2 – You can coach anyone, whether they like it or not.
Yes, you can coach anyone and first they have to want to change, to go for their goal.  If they don’t have a well-defined goal, by all means, help them to define one.  That said if someone is happy with their life, no matter what your view is as to what’s possible, respect them. When you remove choice, you disempower.
That said, if you’re their leader and you know that if nothing changes, they won’t be able to do their role in the future, then you do have to explain the consequences and impact further down the line of their choice not to change.
Oh, and let’s not forget, even if they have a goal, they also have to trust you enough to open up and be honest.
Myth 3 – Anyone can coach, it’s just asking a few questions.
Coaching is about asking questions.  The skill here is in asking the right question, the one that’s going to help your coachee unlock the secret within themselves. It’s about switching off all mind reading abilities; and knowing which wave to ride.  It’s also about knowing the depth of question to ask, e.g. is this a behaviour question, a skill question, an identity question etc.  Lastly there is the very important active listening and a few other skills too.
Myth 4 – Coaching is expensive.
Compared to what?  Imagine having the career and life you want, doing the things you love, being who you know you truly can be?  And all this more easily and effortlessly than before.  How many people do you know deal with life through ...

Failure, failing, screwing it up, making mistakes.  Things we prefer to avoid like the plague.  Yet in our desire to prevent this, we also miss out on the good stuff.
Failure approached with the correct mindset and actions leads to rapidly embedded learning, increased competence, wisdom, innovation, humility.  All of which are things we want to embody as a leader and wish our employees would develop.
Failure approached with a wrong mindset not only means we miss out on the above. It can also lead us to feel shame, reduction, contraction, hostility, toxicity.
I frequently hear this mantra, “fail fast, fail forward,” I’ve even used it myself.  Sometimes it’s used correctly, other times it’s like slapping a sticking plaster on a large wound. Still bleeding but just not so obviously in your face.
An Epic Fail and a Not so Epic Fail
Here are two real situations from leadership training’s I’ve run.
Situation One
The first was a guy, let’s call him Peter, who was creating and presenting his team vision to a group of other leaders.  It’s a process that nicely broken down into steps; each once completed builds on the other, and support is given along the way.  The final test is presenting the vision to all the other leaders in the room, who have been creating their team vision and will also present.  We then give feedback on what worked well and share our thoughts and ideas on making it even more powerful.
Peter stood up and did his thing.  And I mean did HIS THING, for whatever reason he had decided that he didn’t need to complete the steps and he certainly didn’t need to implement any of the presentation advice.  What we got was epic boredom.  He got feedback.  He was none too impressed with his audience.  He then shrugged his shoulders and with a laugh said, “well fail fast fail forward, “ and then sat down clearly indicating for the next person to go.  I’m like ‘hold your horses,’ and I asked him, “what have you learnt?”
The rest of the conversation went on to illustrate that while he had indeed failed and spectacularly at that.  He hadn’t learnt anything, no insights, not even regarding our experience of how we heard his vision.  Our feedback apparently was all wrong.  He isn’t the first person I’ve overheard use the saying as a mask to give the illusion of learning.
The second situation – a coaching practice.
Again they’d been practicing steps and were now putting them all together.  There is a lot to be aware of, and no, I don’t expect people to do everything.  At the end of the session, the observers give their feedback.
In this instance, the lady, let’s call her Jill, had done somethings well and yet missed various key aspects.  She said she’d lost concentration, struggled to find the thread and then just kept on going in the vain hope that the conversation would lead to some insight or solution for the coachee.  It hadn’t.  Jill described it as an epic fail and a few more words besides.  I said “OK, it didn’t turn out as you wanted it to and let’s explore for learnings” and there were several things, useful things.  I then asked, “why did you continue when you’d realised what was happening?” She thought about it and had further insights.
Now if ever there was a good use of fail fast, fail forward, this was it.  In 45 minutes, she’d learnt a lot.  However, she wasn’t the only one to benefit.  The observers who were still to practice their coaching also learnt a lot too.  Not only from the observation of the session but from the quality of reflection and discussion afterward.
This was no epic fail but epic learning, which didn’t stop there and continued as the day went on.  More pennies dropped, and things came together.  As the course went on, participants were now happily sharing their mistakes and learnings rather than keeping them quiet and to themselves.  This was also accompanied by a greater sharing of what they...

The cost of employee burnout
Burnout is a genuine and increasing concern for many leaders I’m working with today.  Now their focus of interest regarding burnout is their staff. However, my observation is that there is also an increase in burnout among the leaders.  It’s a kind of slow, creeping death.  In fact, in some cases, I’d go as far as to say that because the leader is experiencing some burnout, they can’t see it in their staff.  Who they genuinely care about.  It’s like becoming blind to what is.
Burnt out staff are more likely to seek alternative employment, take sick leave, have accidents, make avoidable mistakes or errors in decision making.  All these have their costs to the business.
Route one – Clarity of Expectation
Have you checked that your expectations of what’s involved in their role, or what the deliverables are, match with their expectation and understanding?  Many times there is a mismatch here, which comes to light at a review.
If you’re lucky it’s a monthly or quarterly discussion and there is plenty of time to get things back on track.  If you’re unlucky it’s the annual performance review, and by that time there is a lot of water under the bridge and getting back on track is even harder.  This is not just because their performance didn’t match your expectation.  But because they’re now disappointed, doubting either themselves or you or both.  I sometimes describe this as a year of ‘whacking lemmings’.  A lot of effort has been put into the year, but no fruits are reaped.
Route two – Balanced Workload
Obviously, in an ideal world, the workload would be consistently perfect.  In reality, we get peaks and troughs, or what can happen is we have peaks and lesser peaks.  The troughs – i.e. rest points, disappear.
As work becomes more dynamic, then what’s required of us changes and fluctuates.  What we can’t do is keep taking more on without taking time to reflect and ditch what’s no longer needed or working.
Covering for a colleague for two weeks is possible while doing our job.  Covering their role and ours for six months is unrealistic and unworkable.  Yet I’ve seen people do this.  Not because at the beginning they knew it was six months but hey “they like a challenge so let’s try doing two jobs for the pay of 1”. Instead, it was a temporary thing that kept on going, and they didn’t want to let anyone down.  On top of this either their bosses were too busy on other matters to address this or didn’t see the person was starting to drown.
When we begin to experience overwhelm in our workload, however, it is caused, we need our leaders to help us prioritise better.  That way we have a better idea of what to let go of, what to put on hold.  We also get insights into where we need to develop and strengthen, so we’re less likely to experience the overwhelm.
Route 3 – Discipline Disconnecting
We’re always on, connected to the world, carrying it around in our pocket.  Email, phone, messaging.  We look around at our colleagues and leaders and see how they respond to these and then react the same.  In a meeting, if the person’s phone rings do they instantly answer it and put that meeting on hold?  At night do they send out a bunch of emails and what’s more do they expect a reply outside of regular working hours?
Say Hello to my phone
Firstly lets look at the phone.. When you sit down and put it on the table, instantly you signal to the other person that should anything happen ‘on this device ‘I’m responding.  Which means the phone is more important than this conversation.  Just looking at whatever pops up is an interruption, a distraction, a response, yes choosing to ignore it is a response, just as choosing to answer it is one. At that moment it breaks the connection you have with the other person.  Now in some meetings that doesn’t matter and in other conversations it most certainly does.

There was a time when people looked for job security, for the right remuneration package and the career ladder.  However what people want now is meaning and significance in their work.  When we talk about employee engagement or employee satisfaction is what we’re interested in them showing up and completing some tasks and feeling OK about it?  Or do we want them to show up, fully present, committed to the company’s mission, vision, and values?
Numerous studies have shown that when an individual has a personal connection to the organisations purpose their productivity, motivation, creativity and resilience increase.  It’s also worth noting that absenteeism, sickness, and stress are significantly reduced.
Victor Frankl,a psychotherapist and Holocaust survivor, found that those that survived did so because there was meaning for them.  Meaning to their life, meaning beyond the ditch they were currently digging.  That those who let go of life lost meaning first.
We all have commonly acknowledged needs, love, recognition, security, we also want to experience growth and be of service.  It is in having all of these met that we feel fulfillment.
What Does This Mean For Leaders?

As a leader, we first have to find this within our self and then we are challenged to help others find this within themselves.  It’s no longer a case of providing, care-taking or parental leadership.  Employees should feel responsible and accountable for their own life and career.  However, as a leader, we need to guide and sponsor them in finding their answers and their path.
As a leader the challenge is to help those around you connect to the vision, to understand their values and to find their voice?
Authentic Leadership
Authentic leadership is about “empowering” others to step up and lead.  In the 21st century organisations of empowered leaders will be far more successful than those leaders focused on power, authority and their title.
Authentic leadership and creating a workplace that’s infused with meaning and fulfillment gives a level of shareholder value that you just can’t buy.  If someone has a job and things go wrong on the production line, they may stay late if there’s overtime.  If someone has a career and things go wrong on the production line, they may reflect on what caused the problem.  If someone has a purpose and meaning and things go wrong on the production line, they will stay late whether or not there is overtime, they will look for causes and they’ll look for solutions to ensure the problem won’t happen again.
Sources of Meaning for Employees
What is meaning? – There are many definitions, a sense of significance, the purpose of an act, the interpretation of some intention.  However, the common aspect is that we experience the sensation of meaning when we can connect our thoughts, actions or values with something else in such a way that it creates a personal sense of relevance.
As we can see for something to have meaning or to be meaningful it’s a personal connection and connectedness that’s established.  We cannot then find a one size fits all approach for the workplace.  In fact, this is something that we can only facilitate our staff when they are ready to make the connection themselves.
Here are several ways someone can find meaning in their work:-

* Meaning through rewards and work/life balance
* Relationships and a sense of belonging
* Purpose
* DNA, Values, History
* Brand
* Clarity of impact
* Growth and Personal Development

Meaning through rewards and work/life balance

[This is a transcript – apologies for any typo’s]
Hello, it’s Ruth here. And today, I wanted to share with you some of my thoughts on leadership in this modern world. It is probably based on the several conversations I’ve been having in the last two to three months.
Leadership is…?
I was running a particular course for senior managers, and there was a moment where the words that came out of my mouth was leadership is a service. And we proceeded to have a conversation about it.
I feel that many years ago, leadership was a role, a title.   Sometimes I think people got confused between all leadership is just the sexy version of management, all of those kinds of things. It came with some entitlement expectations on the side of the leader. And, and over the years, I think if I’m looking at people who I consider good leaders, then this was the thing that I have is leadership is a service.
And the reason I’m sharing this is because we got to the end of the day on the course and I asked out of today, what’s really stood out for you? And a few of them said that particular phrase “leadership is a service”, so hit home because it was a way of thinking about leadership that was actually really, really helpful.
Adding value
I was chatting with another manager who was sharing the fact that we were discussing one to ones and coaching and he turned around and said, well, you know, I like to give my guys a lot of freedom. And so they know that if they want a 1:1, they can book it. It’s in my diary, and we will have it. It’s not a problem. But otherwise, if they don’t want one, I don’t make them have one. I don’t want to do it every month and be it a tick box exercise.
And one to one’s really should not be tick boxes. Um, if they are, something’s going wrong. And he turned said, you know, it works really well because I travel a lot, so this is good.  My response was, so how often do they take you up on a one to one and what happens in your one to ones?  What generally gets discussed.  He says, well if they’ve got a problem then we sort out their problem and things like that.
And there was this part of me that came back to ‘leadership is a service’. How are you being of service to your guys? Yes, we could turn around and say he got out of the way of his people. You know, if they didn’t want a one to one, they didn’t have a one to one.  He wasn’t forcing it on them. But on the other hand, when they were happening, it was because there was a problem that needed to be solved.
So I said to him, well, how often in these one to ones do you ask them for their ideas on a particular initiative? How often do you share your crazy ideas and sense check your ideas to see if they should they be progressed or binned?  How often is it literally that just about, we have a problem and now I want to chat to you about how to solve it?
And I said to him, “what value do you add to them and their role”? And it got him thinking, and over the next couple of days, he was like, do you know what I’m having light bulb moments. I’m having light bulb moments of there are things that I am doing that is very genuine. I am adding value, and you know I am being of service. And he said, but actually over the last couple of days as we’ve been doing the bits that we’ve been doing and as I’ve been thinking about that question, I also realize there are things that I aren’t doing that I, at the very least in the next one to one with these guys should turn around and say, is this something that if I did it would be of value or use to you?
How could you be of more service?
I think, I think that’s it. It’s just about turning around and saying to yourself, as a leader, where am I being of service and in what ways can I be of more service,

[This is a transcript of the podcast]
How good is your active listening?
Hi. It’s Ruth here from Blue Pea POD, and today, I want to talk about what I think it takes to be good at listening. Which, let’s face it, is a crucial skill when we want to build strong relationships. So whether it’s that we’re coaching, whether it’s that we want to build a high-performing team, whether it’s that we want people to trust us, whatever it is, listening is a key quality.
But we’re not just talking about the basics of listening. We’re talking about really, really listening to everything. The minutiae. In essence, it’s just how aware are we of what is present or absent in that moment, and I mean, the most common way of talking about this is active listening, as opposed to not actively listening, passively listening, kind of waiting for the person to shut up, so that you can then say whatever pearl of wisdom you want to say.
Active Listening A Full On Sensory Experience
So then listening is a full-on sensory experience. We are looking at the person, paying full attention to their body language, their tone, their words. Is there congruence? Do they match? Or is there something that’s at odds here? I think one of the key ones is that as we are listening to somebody, we don’t interrupt. And let’s face it. That can be something of a challenge at times, particularly if it is a subject matter with which we are very passionate about or we have a very strong difference of opinion on. We can’t then wait to interrupt or talk over the person.
The Power of The Pause
So it really is about letting the person finish, say what it is they want to say. Which kind of leads to the next bit, which is never underestimate the power of the pause. Because people often turn around and say to me, “Oh, but Ruth. What I’m really worried about is that, you know, I ask somebody a question. They give me an answer. And if I’m listening to them, like proper listening, like you’re telling me I should, then when they finish talking, I won’t know what to say next.” And I’m like, “Well, if you’re full-on listening to everything they’re saying, it’s when they’re finished that then you know what’s the next thing you want to say, what’s the next question you want to ask.” Until then, you’re preoccupied in your head thinking, it’s the same as interrupting. You’re thinking about what to say next.
So in that pause, which for the other person is never going to feel as long as maybe it feels for you, if you get into that pause and just go, “Okay, having heard all of this, what’s the next thing I want to say? To add, to contribute. The question I want to ask.” Actually means you have more meaningful conversations.
Active Listening – A Route to Empathy
One of the other things I think it takes to be a good listener is that you show that you empathize. Empathy. We’re talking about a demonstration of appreciation for what they’re going through. We’re not saying that we understand or we know or we may or may not have felt something similar, but we are showing an empathy and a connection. We’re not criticizing. We’re not arguing. We’re not judging. We’re not, we’re not patronizing the person. We are just showing that we genuinely care for them and what they’re going through at this particular moment in time.
I often find that if people at least feel heard, listened to, that even if you don’t necessarily always say the correct word… there is saying the right thing but your body language being completely wrong that can be more infuriating, than somebody feeling you genuinely care about them, but then you somehow don’t say quite the right set of words.

This year some of my conversations and work with my clients have encompassed the power of our identity and our story, or script, that we unconsciously let shape our life and consequently our leadership.
Right now, I’ve just relocated from Cheshire to Cornwall, a vision that’s become reality about 2 years earlier than I thought it would.  Which means that it comes with several challenges, as well as lots of good stuff.  You must seize opportunities when they present themselves and have faith that you’ll figure out the gaps as you go, imperfect action beats no action.  Plus, there is nothing like pushing yourself to new frontiers to reveal how you sabotage yourself and how your sense of identity enables you to achieve something or not.
If you can hold the silence with yourself long enough, you’ll hear the quiet voice running the script of your life.  “people like us don’t do this.” “this is easy for me, I’ve always succeeded at this” “are you crazy lady, not all of the pieces of the puzzle are sorted yet”.  This Script has both positive and negative components to it, and its over-riding intention is to keep you safe in life.
Silence your saboteur
The thing is when we’re pushing new frontiers, when we’re going for our vision then very often our script and sense of identity needs to shift.  And we have to silence our saboteur so we can do the necessary work.
By now you’ll have your goals, intentions, and desires mapped out for this year.  So, this is the perfect time to take a look at writing your script for this year and beyond.
In essence, it’s that simple, you simply write the script for your future.  A little like writing a chapter of a book.  2019 is a chapter in your life, put pen to paper and write it down, then go out and live it.  If in December it doesn’t quite match up, you have information you can do something with.  You have the capacity to course correct.  If you don’t write it down, then you have no idea what or where you could improve.  What you will do is live 2019 according to the current and probably ancient script you have about yourself.  This could even be the script that was handed to you by your parents.  Which might even be one that was handed down to them by theirs.  Now I’m all for heirlooms and I’m not sure that this one is always the most valuable.
Ways we sabotage ourselves
One of the most common ways we sabotage our self is by being too busy, tired, distracted to actually write things down.  Your script doesn’t have to be war and peace or worthy of the Pulitzer Prize.  Really quite frankly anything (like bullet points) is better than nothing.  That said, how much do you value your life, your self, the goals and vision you’re going for?  If the answer is not much, then quick, look busy and distract yourself now.
We also sabotage our self when we write vague things down.  Use bold words, ones that inspire and ignite you.  Here are a couple of illustrative examples.  Just read the difference between I am a woman, I am a successful woman, I am a loving, imaginative, vibrant woman.  This isn’t about your ego, it’s about proclaiming who you are in a way that makes you feel alive.  The same goes for writing about achievements, get specific.  I’ll make a profit, I’ll make six figures, I’ll make 143,000 pounds, euro’s and dollars thank you very much.  There is a lovely phrase, “you have to name it to claim it”.  Until you do it’s all wishy-washy.  What’s more, you can never own something until you first claim it.  So name it, claim it and then gratefully own it.
Count your self in, live life large
Many of us want to be happy and have meaning in our life.  We’re seeking to make a difference to those we interact with.  To the extent that we play small and faff about we’re limiting our capacity to experience what we desire.  We’re also shortchanging those we lead.
I love my work with leaders helping them play full out.