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Sex.Love.Power.: Sacred Sexuality, Conscious Polarity, and Waking Up In Love
Our pleasure can be the fuel for abundant, sustainable work, service, and play throughout our long lives.
Our sexuality can be a wholesome pillar of our daily experience.
Our marriages can be fueled by desire rather than duty.
Monogamy can be the hottest place on earth.
It’s a confusing time to be a heterosexual, monogamous couple. The love and passion you desire may be more an inner urge than something you really see people around you living. But there are a growing community of devoted couples creating monogamy as a conscious spiritual crucible. There are couples using their marriages to fuel their leadership and service and activism. Welcome to Sex. Love. Power. where we convene the conversations that unlock new possibilities in your life and relationship. I’m your host Michele Lisenbury Christensen. Over the past 26 years, I’ve helped thousands of couples create the love and sex they desire. Kurt and I, in 23 years of marriage and adventures together before that, have suffered, avoided, dared, and triumphed in countless ways. Now, I’m here to help you get more peace, more connection, and more passion in your days and nights, so you’ve got the energy and attention left over to be the change you wish to see in the wider world. Everything you want in love and sex and beyond starts with YOU, and it starts right now. Let’s tend your flame.
- 76 - Four Stages of Love
“The day that you wake up, and you realize that you have been had, and the person you’re sleeping with is not the person you fell in love with, that’s the first day of your real marriage.” - James Framo. In this episode, my husband and I walk you through our journey through the four stages of relationship. From the initial spark of love without knowledge to the mature state of knowing love, we'll share insights into each stage and how they have shaped our 27-year relationship. Whether yo...
Sun, 02 Jun 2024 - 75 - Embracing Pain and Beauty with Special Guest Myra Sack
Today, I'm so grateful to share with you a profoundly moving conversation with Myra Sack, a woman who embodies the essence of resilience and intimacy with life.In her newly released book, 57 Fridays: Losing Our Daughter, Finding Our Way, Myra brings us into the intimate journey through the immense grief of losing her daughter, Havi, to Tay-Sachs disease. I wanted to bring Myra onto the show to explore the delicate balance between the most painful and beautiful moments of our lives. This epi...
Sat, 18 May 2024 - 74 - From People Pleaser to Truly Generous
I want to go deep with you today about something that's been coming up a lot in my life and work: what it means to embrace our power and pleasure as women. For the longest time, I used to feel guilty for wanting more, for desiring abundance and joy in my life.But, after many years of being stifled under my feelings of shame, I realized that by prioritizing my own well-being and pleasure, I wasn't being selfish—I was actually becoming more generous, more present, and more alive. And now, I'm h...
Fri, 26 Apr 2024 - 73 - Relationship Help That Works for Men
So often, we find ourselves stuck in the same old patterns, grappling with conflicts or feeling disconnected. We try workshops, therapy, self-help books, but somehow, things just don't stick. After today's episode, you'll understand why and what steps to take next. Through working in this way, I've seen couples completely turn things around in as little as three days, or a couple of focused weeks. But what I'm about to share isn't just for those who work with me. It's a roadmap for anyone see...
Fri, 12 Apr 2024 - 72 - How I Cultivate Inner Growth
I was so grateful to sit down and record with my teacher, Eric Klein, the founder of Wisdom Heart along with his wife, Devi. I wanted you to hear from him what he's teaching me about my body, mind, spirit, and the way that those interact with the experiences I have in my marriage, my earning, my business -- pretty much in every area of my life.I am thrilled for you all to hear Eric talk with us about some of the ways that you can apply planetary astrology, the chakras, meditation, and the s...
Fri, 08 Mar 2024 - 71 - 11 Surprising Libido Killers
So many women come to me wanting to turn up their libidos and experience more and better orgasms. I start by asking them 11 questions that, on the surface, don’t seem directly related to erotic desire. But the answers that women give me tell me a ton about their relationships with themselves, their turn-on, their bodies, their sensations, and with their capacity to contain embodied experiences, both desired experiences and not desired experiences.In this episode, I'm going to ask you th...
Thu, 15 Jun 2023 - 70 - Gaslighting "Lite" in Otherwise Good Marriages
The term “gaslighting” has become a buzzword in recent years and, because of its widespread use, the meaning of this term has become a bit murky. In a nutshell, gaslighting is when you are experiencing something and endeavoring to talk to the other person about it, but they flip it around on you so that you wind up questioning yourself, your own character, motivations, and even grip on reality. Today, I want to talk about what I call “gaslighting lite” or the ways that understanding the gasli...
Fri, 12 May 2023 - 69 - Psychological Patriarchy
You may have heard the term “patriarchy” used to describe a social and political construct, but, as my mentor, Terry Real, explains, it is also a psychological notion. The way that patriarchy defines rigid gender roles becomes subconsciously embedded in the way we think and behave, which has deep implications for both partners inside a relationship. How can we recognize when psychological patriarchy is at play and what can we do to counteract it? In this episode, I’ll discuss:How our sen...
Thu, 13 Apr 2023 - 68 - 100-Year Marriage
Kurt and I have been married for almost 23 years and we're planning on another 50 to 75 together. We think, in terms of taking care of our bodies, minds and spirits and given the way technology is going, we could each live to be well over a hundred which gives us an amazingly long time to grow in love together and to contribute in so many other parts of our lives. Today's episode is about how we think about what I call, for shorthand “The 100-Year Marriage” and how you could think about it to...
Sat, 25 Mar 2023 - 67 - Hotter Sex in Older Bodies
At 50 or 60 years old, you don’t have the same career, health, finances, or family life that you did when you were 30. Why should your sex life be the same as it was 20 years ago? As we age, our bodies go through natural changes that can affect our sexual experiences and desires. This leads people to believe that they are no longer able to have the sexual experiences they used to. I’m here to tell you that fulfilling and pleasurable sex is possible at any age.In this episode, we’ll talk...
Thu, 02 Mar 2023 - 66 - 10 Best Dates for Deeper Love
Kurt and I just enjoyed celebrating our 25th Valentine's Day together, but, truthfully, we try to live like every day is V-Day. We know that love is a habit and a skill set that requires effort and practice 365 days a year. If you want a love that gets better over time, you need to intentionally date your partner all year long, not just on holidays or anniversaries. In today’s episode, I’ll give you a year’s worth of date ideas that will bring you closer and deeper in love.We’ll talk about:Th...
Thu, 16 Feb 2023 - 65 - Legacy Love
Whenever I say that I help couples create Legacy Love, the people I’m talking to light up because they're the kind of people who have a vision for their whole life. They want to leave a legacy in this lifetime and creating a love worth kind of handing down, something that goes far beyond just the couple to bless others, appeals to them. But, as great as that sounds, a lot of people ask me, what do you really mean by Legacy Love and what does that entail?In this episode, we’ll talk about:The e...
Thu, 26 Jan 2023 - 64 - Relationship Visioning for the New Year and Beyond
In this episode, I'll walk you through a couple of the ways that I've been helping clients for more than 20 years to review their old year and vision their new year. Visioning together is one of the foundations of Legacy Love; creating a relationship that's not just good, not just great, but builds your impact in the world, the legacy you want to leave behind, for not just you and your beloved, but your family, your community and the greater world.In this episode, we’ll talk about:How to use ...
Thu, 22 Dec 2022 - 63 - Strategies for Great Sex
How far are you willing to go to create the passionate marriage you want? Are you ready to try anything? If you’re like many of my clients, you’re willing to do whatever it takes to create a connected, turned-on relationship. And I believe you can do it. Unfortunately, there’s no silver bullet that will resolve your conflicts and create closeness. You may have already tried many different strategies but still don’t see the desired results. In today’s episode, I’m going to talk about some of t...
Thu, 27 Oct 2022 - 62 - Resentment
If you feel like you are wasting your time and energy being upset about the same things month after month, year after year, the good news is that there’s a way out. You can break the cycle of hurt and resentment that keeps you from living the life you want. Sound good? Today's episode will equip you to free yourself from any grudge, irritation, frustration, resistance or anger that you may be carrying and take your power back.In this episode, you’ll hear about:What I've learned about digging ...
Thu, 13 Oct 2022 - 61 - Intentional Family Planning
In my coaching practice and in my life, I hear so many questions about family planning; how to decide, when to start, and how many kids to have. The list goes on. There are strong societal expectations around becoming parents that can keep us from realizing what we really want and what’s best for us and our relationships. In this episode, I decided to round up my thoughts on some of the common questions I get around children and their effect on relationship that you may be consideringIn this ...
Thu, 15 Sep 2022 - 60 - Relationship Stuff That Might Be ADD
While I’m not a clinical psychology professional, I often work with couples who have discovered that their brains are wired in completely different ways. This realization often arises when one partner (or both) consistently behaves in a way that creates friction between them, totally baffling the other. As humans, our brains are wonderfully diverse and have unique strengths, but it’s hard to understand what’s going on in your partner’s head when their experience is so different from your own....
Thu, 01 Sep 2022 - 59 - Sex In An Instant
If it feels like you're in a dry spell- your desires don’t match up, you’re not that interested, or it’s hard to transition from your everyday life to a really fulfilling sexual encounter, this episode is for you. Today I want to talk with you about what I think of as "nano sex." It's those little microscopic, erotic connections that create a lubricant in your day-to-day experience together to help us get to full-blown erotic encounters and get more pleasure out of our daily connection. ...
Thu, 18 Aug 2022 - 58 - Bringing Up a Charged Topic
Something your partner did cause you pain and frustration. You want to tell them what hurt you, but you seem to always end up in a fight when you bring it up. Sound familiar? In this episode, I get into the specifics of how you can deliver feedback about something your partner did and what you'd like them to do differently in a way that actually gets results. Every single couple has to have these conversations, but you can develop skills that can reduce the negative fallout and even bring you...
Thu, 04 Aug 2022 - 57 - Self-Regulation Toolkit for Painful Times
These past few weeks have been tough on our nervous systems. Many people are hurting and bewildered. I wondered how I could best help through the podcast, and what came to me was that this popular episode, recorded with my friend Jessica Pullins, PhD, is the best set of tools I can give you to help you pull yourself and others through when your heart and mind are reeling. If you have a nervous system, you need this episode. And particularly if you ever:Rreact strongly to your...
Thu, 14 Jul 2022 - 56 - Time Alone Together Ambivalence
Do you find yourself saying, "We're so busy, I feel like roommates?” Or maybe you say, "We know we need to go on dates, but we never seem to get around to it. And then if we do go, a lot of times we get into a fight." Today on Sex. Love. Power., we're talking about spending more time together. Whether that's talking, having fun, or getting naked together. We're going to cover how to recognize the resistance so you can break through those totally understandable obstacles and actually get more ...
Thu, 30 Jun 2022 - 55 - Dominance and Submission
Do you feel like you're always in charge, like you're always handling all the heavy lifting in your shared life? Or do you ever feel your partner can be so controlling or perfectionistic that you tend to hang back? Both of these situations are issues of what I call polarity - the interaction between dominance and submission (and, no, I’m not just talking about in bed). If you want to go from frustration and jockeying for position, or avoiding conflict, over to playful, effective interactions ...
Thu, 26 May 2022 - 54 - Defensiveness
I want to devote a whole episode to the topic of defensiveness: how we engender it in each other, and why we get defensive ourselves. This is one of the biggest things I see stopping couples from communicating effectively, from connecting more deeply, and from experiencing more turn-on and erotic charge in their relationships. So if you've had defensiveness on either side of the conversation, this episode is for you.As you listen to this episode, we’ll cover:Reasons you get defensive- whether...
Tue, 10 May 2022 - 53 - Elements of Power in Relationship [Rebroadcast]
This week, I'm bringing back the most popular episode of the podcast for your listening pleasure.The 12 Elements of Power framework is more relevant now than ever for for us as feminists who don't want to think about power in an essentialist sense, don't want to think that there are particular qualities that we don't have access to because that hasn't been our lived experience. What we know is that we have within us, for instance, both the capacity to be self-reliant, and the capacity to be c...
Thu, 21 Apr 2022 - 52 - The Heart of Intimacy, The Root of Conflict
This is a different kind of episode. Often, I record podcast episodes about things that have come up with clients recently or I initiate out of conversations that I feel like we need to have in the culture that we haven't been having. Today's episode is about a topic that is blowing my mind right now, because I didn't think of it this way until I was reading this amazing book, "The Audacity to Be You" by Brad Reedy. In this episode, I want to talk about Reedy’s concept of the “three circles” ...
Thu, 07 Apr 2022 - 51 - Why Therapy Didn’t Get You There
You've tried therapy before, and it didn't get you where you wanted to go. Maybe it helped. Many people report to me that it got them on the right path, but not really to their goals. My goal is to help couples not just reduce the “itching, burning and swelling”- the immediate pains that they're facing when they come to me- but truly create a great relationship. And, truly, what many of the couples that come to me want is to go from a good really solid relationship to a great relationship, wh...
Thu, 24 Mar 2022 - 50 - Help Yourself Draw a Line
There are some serious ways that our partners can be stuck. Many clients and members of my audience have approached me with concerns like, "I just need him to get a job and nothing I've tried has worked" or "Her drinking is really concerning to me, but it's not concerning to her so she's not about to get into recovery.” It's very reasonable that your partner might feel terrified to make a particular change and you may be the only voice or the loudest voice asking them to change. Today's episo...
Thu, 10 Mar 2022 - 49 - Unmet Needs
Think for a moment about what conditions you thrive under, what sets you up to be your happiest, your healthiest, most balanced, joyful self. When that thing is missing it functions like a rock in your shoe. You're not unable to keep walking is just a little bit more painful. That’s how an unmet need can feel and how it can create tension and unhappiness in your life. Today, I want to address what needs are and what they aren't, and how you know. We'll talk about what's possible when your nee...
Thu, 24 Feb 2022 - 48 - Turn on Your Marriage
This topic is very close to my heart and it is one of the central beliefs that informs all the work I do with my clients. Today, I'm here to tell you that you deserve and are capable of experiencing pleasure no matter where you are in life. In my latest episode, we talk about how you can bring more of that pleasure and aliveness into your marriage.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The five beliefs that you need to create for yourself to sustain the level of turn-on that y...
Thu, 10 Feb 2022 - 47 - You Want Someone Else
Let me ask you a personal question (or a few). Do you have fantasies about sex with other people? Do you have sometimes active desires to consummate those fantasies? Do you wonder what that means about you or about your partner? I’m going to guess you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions. And you know what? That is all totally okay. Today we're going to talk about your desire for sex with other people and start to dig in to what that could mean for you.As you listen to this episo...
Thu, 27 Jan 2022 - 46 - My Money, Our Money
Money is a hot topic, especially in relationship to love and sex in long-term relationships. Money is energy, and it's power. How you handle money together shapes so much of the rest of your experience of your partnership and how you feel about yourself. So, today, I thought I'd dive into it in an episode about my money, our money, your money, and look at the relationship side and the erotic side of what happens with couples and money.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear learn:Managing ...
Thu, 13 Jan 2022 - 45 - Reviewing Your Year in Love and Sex
I am a nerd for planning. I love to envision the future. I love to review the past. And New Year's time is totally a time when I want to look over the past year and see the themes and then set intentions for the new year with my husband. But pretty early in our relationship, I got the picture that Kurt was not a planner in the same way that I was. And perhaps you can relate. I find that in most couples, there's one person who's way more into this stuff than the other. And that's perfectly alr...
Thu, 30 Dec 2021 - 44 - Are You the Visionary in Your Relationship?
"If I'm such a visionary about relationship, and my partner doesn't think that way, isn't that a problem?" This is a question I have heard many times and one I asked myself in my relationship, too. It’s a big responsibility and can feel like a burden. But what I have come to see is that I am someone who has been gifted with the opportunity to hold vision. So in this episode, I'm going to share with you what I've learned about being a visionary in love. I'm going to answer some of those ...
Thu, 16 Dec 2021 - 43 - Hotter, More Loving Holidays
Every year for the holidays, you make it a priority to spend time with your extended family or focus on making magic for your kids, but your relationship becomes an afterthought. Over the last 24 years together, Kurt and I have really focused on this and learned a lot about how to make sure that our holidays are a magical time for us as a couple as well. Together, we outlined the seven paths to hotter, more loving holidays, so that you can create a holiday season that's more pleasurable, inti...
Thu, 02 Dec 2021 - 42 - Where Sex Gets Stuck
In today's episode, we're gonna follow up our last conversation which was all about the core qualities that make a great lover in a long-term relationship with the other side of that same coin. There are four categories of obstacles to great passionate sex that just gets better for a lifetime. And the results I get with clients all trace back to my devotion to pinpointing and addressing these obstacles in a systematic way. Naturally, that all starts with knowing what those obstacles are in th...
Thu, 18 Nov 2021 - 41 - Qualities of a Great Lover
Would you like to have the kind of sex that surprises you and makes your partner surprised by the emergence of that facet of you? The sort of lovemaking that keeps you both coming back for more? Sex that allows you to call up the energy at the end of the day when you're both tired, but you cannot resist the adventure because you have no idea where it will lead? This episode is for you! I will share four qualities of a great lover, and I’m sure if you apply at least one of the qualities, your ...
Thu, 04 Nov 2021 - 40 - Creating Turn On
When we own our turn on, it lets us really own the truth of our erotic nature that it is ours and ours alone. If you've been looking for that formula on creating turn on and what we should and shouldn't do, tune in to this week's episode!This week, we're going to talk about creating turn on. Often, couples come to me wanting to feel more turned on in their relationship. I’m going to say something you might find unexpected: we can’t rely on our partners to turn us on (at least, not completely)...
Thu, 21 Oct 2021 - 39 - Getting Out of Your Head in Bed
We need to talk. One of the conversations I think we need to have is about how to get out of your head during sex. If this applies to you, you’re not alone: so many of my clients get stuck in their heads in bed. And there's a number of reasons for this. In this episode, I will talk you through the traps that many people get stuck in that take the enjoyment out of sex and how you can start getting out of your head and into the moment.As you listen to this episode, you’ll learn:Some of the...
Thu, 07 Oct 2021 - 38 - Intimate Getaways Part II: How-To
Do you crave an intimate getaway with your partner? You can make your desire a reality. Many people always feel like having a trip with their partners is impossible, especially if children are involved.In this episode, I will be sharing how Kurt and I planned and actualized our intimate getaway. I will teach you the three core stages of creating an intimate getaway and creative ways of ensuring your children are well taken care of as you enjoy your trip.Listen in and learn.As you listen to th...
Thu, 23 Sep 2021 - 37 - Intimate Getaways Part I: Risks & Rewards
My husband, Kurt, and I just got home from our latest adventure to Croatia. It sparked so many thoughts I can’t wait to share with you about why I think it's so important that couples carve out the time to be together, to get a completely different environment, and to have some novelty and adventure. I'm going to share with you over two episodes what we've done, why, and how you can do it, too. In this episode, we're going to dive into all the ways your relationship can benefit from an intima...
Thu, 09 Sep 2021 - 36 - Why I'm Not a Therapist
Today, we're going to talk about why I think couples counseling and therapy didn't really do the trick for me and Kurt, and why it may not for you either. To be clear: I’m not here to talk trash about couples counseling at all. I want to explain why I'm evolving a way of working with couples that is very different from anything that we were ever given. And why I think that that's more powerful.As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:The patriarchal roots of traditional psychology and...
Fri, 20 Aug 2021 - 35 - The 5 Winning Relationship Strategies
If you listened to my last episode you know I went through the 5 losing communication strategies people often resort to in their relationships. I promised then to detail the antidotes - the 5 winning relationship strategies that really help us overcome our learned dysfunctional patterns of relating and create healthy, adult connections with our partners. It’s a practice. Nobody’s perfect at it, least of all me, but these 5 strategies, as a direction, are like a compass point...
Thu, 24 Jun 2021 - 34 - The 5 Losing Relationship Strategies
If the conversations on this podcast are resonating for you, please leave a rating and ideally a review on your favorite podcast platform.Ready to bring about a transformation in your relationship to yourself, your body, and your partner? CLICK HERE to apply for a consultation.
Sun, 16 May 2021 - 33 - How to Stay. When to Go
If you’re realizing your partner isn’t showing up with the capacity for the love or sex or vibrancy you want, deserve, and needIf you have been asking for what you need and they maybe make some moves toward it and then take steps backward and you find yourself asking, “Am I an idiot for staying when I’ve made it clear what I need and my partner doesn’t seem to be changing?”If you long for a depth of love and sex that you wonder if your partner will EVER be capable of meeting you in...Then thi...
Sat, 15 May 2021 - 32 - Lost Libido? Find the 3 Yeses
If you’ve found yourself feeling not-so-into sex - like you yourself never have the urge, and like even when your partner initiates, you’re not interested… but you wish you were, this episode is for you. And if you’re the partner who does want to have sex, whether you try to initiate or you’ve heard “huh-uh” so many times you’re too discouraged to ask again… We need to have this conversation. And I want you to know that even though in movies and on tv shows, everybody seems rarin’...
Thu, 15 Apr 2021 - 31 - Superiority And Shame
“We have 2 kids, but I feel like I’m a mother of three, including my husband!”“Why does he have to talk down to me about the things I struggle with?”Do either of these sound familiar to you?Some people find themselves frustrated by a sense their partner is less adult than they are or that their partner is incompetent in some way. Others feel that their partner treats them like they’re inferior or broken or bad or wrong.If you are in either of those groups, this episode is for you. T...
Thu, 08 Apr 2021 - 30 - Men's Sexual Trauma
If you have a male partner who avoids sex or gets stuck in his head sometimes during sex or about sex, this episode is for you. If you or your partner struggle with what the industry tends to call “sexual dysfunction” - which is so pejorative - I do not like any of the medical terms at all - from erections that don’t start or that don’t stay, to ejaculating before you’d like to, not ejaculation when you’d expect to… This episode is for you.If you are or your partner is a man who is comf...
Thu, 01 Apr 2021 - 29 - Pro-Man, Anti-Patriarchy
We’re diving deep into how patriarchy gets into our relationships and messes with both partners, regardless of what gender everyone is. This episode is a response to a beautiful letter from a listener. I look forward to hearing your experiences. What is the role of male privilege in your relationship? How does psychological patriarchy affect the intimacy and aliveness in your relationship? Listen in to hear how I define these terms and what a long-time male liste...
Thu, 25 Mar 2021 - 28 - Strong Women Crave Handling
If you’re a woman and you feel like you’re always “on”, always have to be handling projects, tasks, and other people’s feelings and needs…. And you just crave to let down, lay back, and have someone else handle it all for YOU now and then… and handle you really well in bed, to boot… This episode is for you.Or if you love a woman who seems demanding, take-charge, always “on” and seldom satisfied, and you sometimes wonder how you could possibly truly “win” with her… This episode is for you.In t...
Thu, 18 Mar 2021 - 27 - Behind The Scenes of Six Months of The Podcast
This episode is your peek behind the scenes of the first six months of Sex. Love. Power. My last episode was Episode 26. I didn't realize until after I had recorded it that that means I've been doing this for half a year. And I was talking with a friend about it and she said, "I want to hear all about that. I want to hear about your process. I want to hear what you've learned. And I don't even know how you set up a podcast or what was involved. So tell us about it." So I...
Thu, 11 Mar 2021 - 26 - The Doormat-Bulldog Cycle Part II
In this episode, we're having the conversation we need to have about the four keys to creating more of the heat and connection you want and the single practice I use to help couples expand all four things in their relationship, and in so doing, create the love and sex they really deserve.If you've had a hard time initiating sex, or taking your partner up on their invitations, when they ask in the way they ask, even though you sincerely would like to have more sex, at least in the abstract, th...
Thu, 04 Mar 2021 - 25 - Too Nice: The Doormat-Bulldog Cycle in Relationship
If you or your partner is nice, nice, nice, almost toooo nice… and then periodically explodes with out-of-the-blue anger, this episode is for you. Or if the person doesn’t ever explode, but there’s a way their nice-nice-niceness doesn’t feel quite authentic, or seems forced… We’re going to talk about that, too.The dynamics we’re discussing today … I get it. You’re not alone! AND today’s episode will help, because I’m breakin’ it all down:How leadership was the first place I ...
Thu, 25 Feb 2021 - 24 - Expanding Erotic Intelligence
In this episode, we're having the conversation we need to have about the four keys to creating more of the heat and connection you want and the single practice I use to help couples expand all four things in their relationship, and in so doing, create the love and sex they really deserve.If you've had a hard time initiating sex, or taking your partner up on their invitations, when they ask in the way they ask, even though you sincerely would like to have more sex, at least in the abstract, th...
Thu, 18 Feb 2021 - 23 - Talking About Sex
If you want something different in the bedroom but don’t know how to bring it up... If you have a hard time wrapping your mouth around any of the words for sex acts or body parts...If your partner has been uncomfortable with you talking about the sex you two have or don’t have...This episode is for you. We NEED to have this conversation about conversations about sex - how meta is that? - because in our puritanical-yet-sex-saturated culture, we have been taught that it’...
Thu, 11 Feb 2021 - 22 - Poorly Timed Conversations
Conversations that go sideways are almost always ill-fated before they even begin. And the majority of those we could pretty easily predict will go badly do so because of one common factor: POOR TIMING. One of you was not ready to have THAT conversation right THEN. And nobody asked about this. Or they did ask whether it was a good time, but they didn’t like the answer, so they went ahead anyway! I’ve been guilty of that, myself. And always lived to re...
Thu, 04 Feb 2021 - 21 - Love Lessons from High-Performing Leaders Part 2
Couples with really GREAT - not just GOOD - marriages do things differently. This episode - the second in a two-part series - shares the 12 keys my clients with Legacy Love marriages have taught me. These are the keys to a love and a passion that gets deeper, hotter, and sweeter every year, and leaves behind a legacy that outlasts you both. Get the full show notes and more information here: http://www.lisenbury.com/episode/021If the conversations on this podcast are re...
Thu, 28 Jan 2021 - 20 - Love Lessons from High Performing Leaders Part 1
In today's episode, I'm going to break down exactly why my most successful clients, career-wise, are also the most successful in love and sex. I'll tell you the whole story of how it came to be that I was the sought after relationship coach for executives and founders, starting when I still had a whole lot to learn about love and sex myself.I took kind of a strange path to becoming a relationship mentor for high-performing leaders: People whose relationships were already great INSISTED ...
Thu, 21 Jan 2021 - 19 - Couple Goals
If you’re like my clients, you’re ambitious in every area of your life, and your marriage is no exception. That said, and as much as the hashtag “couple goals” is a running joke we often make when we think “wouldn’t it be great to be like THOSE TWO” - actually setting goals TOGETHER for how you’re going to make your relationship great is not a particularly common practice. I’m on a mission to help as many couples as I can to learn that the closeness, the peace and ease, and the to...
Thu, 07 Jan 2021 - 18 - Hit a Gift-Giving Home Run
When you want to really show your partner your love and feel appreciated in turn… You need to hit a homer with your gift or experience. But how? So many men, in particular, tell me their partners are hard to please or that gifts and holidays feel like no-win situations. This is supposed to be a season of joy, and this episode will help you create that.In this episode:Why gift giving is so frustratingDiscover the top 2 reasons gift giving is so stressful Learn what gif...
Sat, 19 Dec 2020 - 17 - Planning Together for the Holidays
During the holiday season, our most heartfelt visions and highest hopes can be dashed against the reality of others’ engagement level and appreciation level… This episode is designed to help you plan together for a beautiful holiday season that meets each partner’s needs. This episode spills:The secret of stress free holiday planningHow to collaborate with your partner to create the perfect unified celebration The joyful way to celebrate the holidays W...
Wed, 16 Dec 2020 - 16 - When Men Avoid S€x
If a man is a good guy, that actually INCREASES his chances of having problems in the bedroom. Why? Many caring, sensitive, emotionally open men are good friends, partners, and parents… and when it comes to s€x with their wives… They shrink, fizzle, or need things Just. So. or they can’t be there. In today’s episode, I’ll talk about why it’s such a confusing time to be a good man, how our culture messes with men’s heads around sex, and what we can do about ...
Thu, 03 Dec 2020 - 15 - Food, Drink, Escape Hatches
Holidays. Holy Daze! This time of year, more than others, many people indulge and over-indulge. The effect on our relationships of drinking, eating, spending, using pot, and other “escape hatches” can be intensely negative, but also hard to pinpoint. In this episode, I’m getting specific about the damage my food addiction did in my life & marriage and giving you tools to address any compulsions or addictions you identify in yourself. I’ll also sh...
Thu, 26 Nov 2020 - 14 - Reaching Across The Ignorance Divide
“How can I talk to my (aunt/brother-in-law/husband/neighbor) whose views on social justice/race/health care/women’s rights/LGBTQIA rights are so very different from mine and I want to shout?” In honor of the impending holiday season, todays episode distills some what I’ve observed about how friends - mostly female or nonbinary - deal with ME in my ignorance about privilege around gender, race, religion, sexual orientation, education level, and class.&...
Thu, 19 Nov 2020 - 13 - How to Figure It Out On Your Own
People often think they need to figure out their relationship challenges between the two of them. They think they should, that the problems aren’t so bad they need help, and that they have what it takes to solve it. If you think those things, you may be right! This episode is here to help you get to the bottom of whatever has you stuck, or to understand why you can’t. Either way, it’s definitely worth your time if there’s something you want to have be better in ...
Thu, 12 Nov 2020 - 12 - Together in Tough Times
This is an intense week - amid an intense year - for many people. It highlights the importance of knowing how to nourish ourselves and one another when we’re both running on fumes, highly anxious, or otherwise struggling. Financial strain, kids’ challenges, illness, or loss can precipitate pain and stress for couples under any circumstances. Or right now, a pandemic and a razor-close presidential election make for intense emotions even if all is well in your personal world....
Thu, 05 Nov 2020 - 11 - Reveal Your Erotic Appetites
Amazing things happen when people tune in to Sex. Love. Power! This episode grew from a great story one listener shared with me. Our past episodes had her start opening up with her partner about her desires, tastes, and needs. This amazing woman listened and then just RAN WITH IT. I was so inspired that now I’m explicitly guiding you to do the same. Can’t wait to hear what unfolds at your house!As you listen to this episode, you'll learn:Why it...
Thu, 29 Oct 2020 - 10 - Ask Michele: Being the Visionary in Your Relationship and Getting Partnership in Family Labor
On this episode - our first Ask Michele - I answer two great questions from listeners. One has been inviting her husband into deeper intimacy but is worried the relationship will get lopsided or he’ll begin to roll his eyes at her if she asks for more of what she envisions for them. The other reader is frustrated that, although her partner is doing a lot around the house while she works and he doesn’t, he does it on his timeframe, and it still feels like ultimately, the buck...
Thu, 22 Oct 2020 - 9 - How does your partner know when you disapprove?
My latest podcast episode names something many of us do rather unconsciously: we threaten and dole out disapproval. Disapproval and withholding our approval till someone has complied with our demands are behaviors so baked into our families and cultures that it's downright shocking to see their pervasiveness, when it’s pointed out. It sounds violent to be so disapproving, and it seems to run counter to our values... And it is and it does! Yet you may still be doing it a lot....
Thu, 15 Oct 2020 - 8 - Are you not asking for more for fear you’ll hurt his feelings?
As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:How tamping down your dreams and ambitions for your relationship could adversely affect your marriageThe reasons it’s hard to ask a man for something different in love or sexThe game changing 7 tips that will get you talking to your husband about what you want more ofHow to claim more joy, lightness and pleasure in your lifeWhat happens when we’re in bed with the patriarchyAnd more. Join the conversation by listening, then share your stor...
Thu, 08 Oct 2020 - 7 - Self-Regulation Toolkit Part 2: Fight or Flight
If you have a nervous system, you need this episode. It's the second part of an accessible and entertaining introduction to your nervous system and the crucial cranial nerve known as the Vagus Nerve. If you ever:- react strongly to your partner and want to fight or flee or both- feel exhausted, at an emotional or energetic level, by your day- feel like you just need time *alone* but seldom seem to get enough to want to reconnectYou'll learn how to notice what state you're in and ...
Thu, 01 Oct 2020 - 6 - Self-Regulation Toolkit Part I: Regulating The Freeze Response
If you have a nervous system, you need this episode. And particularly if you ever:- react strongly to your partner and want to fight or flee or both- feel exhausted, at an emotional or energetic level, by your day- freeze up and find yourself unable to speak, move forward, or interactThis intro to what's REALLY going on, and what you can do about it, can be life-changing. It's self-care, it's relationship elevating, it's good.If the conversations on this podcast are resonati...
Thu, 24 Sep 2020 - 5 - Are You Intense?
Have you been told "You're intense!" or "You're a LOT" or that your feelings, your senses, your volume, your speed of thought or speech were too fast? Have you felt others recoil from you in a way that didn't match how you think of yourself? You might be intense. We need to talk about intensity, because it's not a character failing or a liability. It's a superpower, but with great power comes great responsibility (um, that was Spiderman). Listen in for all the de...
Thu, 17 Sep 2020 - 4 - Safe surrender. Asking him to lead. Erotic transcendence.
So many women tell me, "I wish he would just take charge in the bedroom." As you listen to this episode, you'll hear about:- How sexual trauma can contribute to a "I don't know what I want - don't ask me!" freeze response- The transcendent potential of erotic surrender - the magic that can happen for both partners when one takes charge in bed- How to ask your partner (of any gender) for this kind of leadership- How busy brains can stop us from getting present for sex, and how surrender ...
Thu, 10 Sep 2020 - 3 - The Elements of Power in Relationship
If you're like many ambitious women, you have big visions and deep desires for every area of your life. But if your RELATIONSHIP vision seems elusive, if you find yourself feeling frustrated, disappointed, and wondering “Is it me? Is it you? Or are we just not great together?” you’re not alone. But here’s the good news: You are not the problem, your partner is not the problem, and you CAN have the relationship you envision! Creating the love and sex you want simply requires a new mindset...
Wed, 26 Aug 2020 - 2 - Trailer II: Women's Frustrations in Relationship
f you're like many ambitious women, you have big visions and deep desires for every area of your life. But if your RELATIONSHIP vision seems elusive, if you find yourself feeling frustrated, disappointed, and wondering “Is it me? Is it you? Or are we just not great together?” you’re not alone. But here’s the good news: You are not the problem, your partner is not the problem, and you CAN have the relationship you envision! Creating the love and sex you want simply requires a new mindset ...
Wed, 26 Aug 2020 - 1 - Trailer
If you're like many ambitious women, you have big visions and deep desires for every area of your life. But if your RELATIONSHIP vision seems elusive, if you find yourself feeling frustrated, disappointed, and wondering “Is it me? Is it you? Or are we just not great together?” you’re not alone. But here’s the good news: You are not the problem, your partner is not the problem, and you CAN have the relationship you envision! Creating the love and sex you want simply requires a new mindset...
Wed, 26 Aug 2020
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