Sh*tty Christians

This week Zac and Michael take a look at a reactionary piece of boredom called 2025: THE WORLD ENSLAVED BY A VIRUS. In the near future, Germans will be ruled by thick rednecks and forced into hiding where... everything seems fine! It's a bad movie, a bad movie - happy holidays, folks!

This week Zac and Michael take a long, hard look at the rise of the new (old) right. The disavowals, racist dinners, and uncomfortably heterosexual suits of the the worst people our country has to offer! They talk Ye, Nick Fuentes and Trump sharing the wettest pot roast of all time. Then Zac and Michael play a game about which public figure deserves to be taken out... to lunch...for good.

This week Zac, Michael and Kelsey dig into the deep texts of their childhood and unearth the dusty tomes of a bygone era--as they talk about ADVENTURES IN ODYSSEY. There is much discussion of deep lore and childhood roadtrips and... international terrorism? That can't be right. Tune in to find out if our intrepid adventurers make it back from literal hell or get swallowed up by nearly 1000 episodes of glorious, reactionary content!

This week Zac and Michael take a look at the last 100 hours of absolutely unmitigated bullshit. It's introspective, they apologize for--NAHHH JUST KIDDING! They realize they have no bad takes - they're perfect boys and take questions from the discord and twitter! From there we hand out awards (mainly to each other).   It's a good time! Thanks for listening and thanks to all our perfect guests!

This week Zac and Michael talk about Michael and the grievances he has with lesbians trying to ruin his life. Then they talk about Matt Chandler having to take a step back from ministry because he was texting a woman too much--in what everyone insists was a NOT SEXUAL fashion. Then, finally they peer into the heart of darkness of the white western man, a fellow who made a boot camp for christians that tortures people! It's a classic episode, a fun time - buckle up.

This week Zac and Michael try something new and... talk about the sufferings and horrors of the world. Okay, so the lying is new. They talk about how Michael accidentally became a father to a baby chick. They do a roundup of the FBI and Trump fighting in the funniest possible cage match and close out making fun of the SBC for somehow getting themselves in hot water yet again!

This week Zac and Michael are joined yet again by Kelsey Lahr, long time guest host and frequent patron of the nation's farmer's markets. The three of them decide to ignore the various evils of the world and shoot the shit, telling stories of their youth like that time Kelsey was a child solider and Michael was chased by dogs (true story). Tune in for much more! Follow Kelsey on twitter here: https://twitter.com/KelseyLahr

This week Zac and Michael take a look at the police non-response in the Uvalde shooting. Turns out cops only like shooting people who can’t shoot back! Then they turn their attention to the festering pile of pedophiles that is the Southern Baptist Convention—turns out everything is worse than anyone ever thought! Tune in!

This week Zac and Michael take a brief respite from our charnel house of horrors and do some articles. First, they tackle a piece where a Baptist wants Christians to be like Henry Ford but uh, in a good way? They dig into Ford's weird, anti-semitic past and failures of pacifism. From there, they once more touch on American's unique inability to learn anything ever about foreign policy. This episode is flanked by tragedies--the least of which are all the jokes we attempt that fall flat. Stay safe out there.

This week Zac and Michael tackle the impending end of Roe V. Wade and the federal right to choose. Michael rants about cops, Zac tries to crack a non-problematic joke about Madison Cawthorne. They both hate Obama. It's not as funny as last episode but abortion's no fun if the homies can't have none.    If you have the money please donate to: https://abortionfunds.org

This week Zac and Michael are once again joined by impresario, naturalist, and writer Kelsey Lahr! They dig into the distaff follow-up to WILD AT HEART, the deeply-upsetting CAPTIVATING. Through their journey into the heart of woman they learn the three kinds of women (and how they are all wrong)--that Mel Gibson is hot and that marriage to a man is the only key to happiness! It's not great but we have a good time!

This week Zac and Michael are joined by all-time returning guest and honorary Shitty Christian host, Kelsey Lahr! They dive into John Eldredge's sweaty, desperate tome about masculinity and how to enjoy the strength of your fellow men, WILD AT HEART. Along the way, they finally learn that Braveheart is more important than the Bible and to fill that inner wound with whatever makes you feel good.   Follow Kelsey on twitter here: https://twitter.com/kelseylahr?s=21&t=keqnihI1HEIsnUxzXEzfgA

This week Zac and Michael are joined by Shitty Christians Foreign Correspondent, GRIMM, to talk about the Assassination of the Ukraine by the Coward Vladimir Putin. They dig into the many ways in which NATO has goaded Russia and then tried to make things better by arming Nazis. Are there any good guys? Do they make a joke at Michael's expense? Tune in this week to find out!   You can find Grimm on twitter here: https://twitter.com/ExileGrimm?s=20&t=f7Bv7-YGTvhZ8h_0A59kGw

This week Zac and Michael talk about the horrific shooting in Portland--which the cops immediately lied about before continuing to lie about and then being pressured into - finally- some more public lying. Then they delve into Focus on the Family's NEWS site. The good news (eh, eh) is that it's no worse than the (failing) New York Times.... but that's also the bad news!

This week Zac and Michael delve into the dark heart of depravity--by talking about Zac's skincare regiment. Then they finally ease into 2022 and talk about their resolutions. At last, the two of them read an article by America's dumbest, horniest son--David Brooks. Turn out the only thing he loves more than centrist polemics about capitalism is the work of literal pedophiles!

This week Zac and Michael are back to talk about the New Year and the new flesh that we are welcoming into our homes. We learn how Michael got owned so badly he'll never recover and Zac rants about something - but we weren't listening so you'll have to wait and see what about!    Then they delve into a bizarrely soft-glow portrait of Jerry Falwell Jr. and his merry band of predators in the pages of Vanity Fair! It's disgusting!

Happy Epiphany! This week for the twelfth night of Christmas Zac and Michael are joined by returning guest, honorary Shitty Christian and real grifter, GRIFT! The three of them take a long journey into the greatest story ever told with Stanley Kubrick's classic Christmas story, EYES WIDE SHUT. They learn about marriage, themselves, and the ubiquity of sex cabals. It's a holiday feast for all!  Please take the time to follow Grift! And check out his amazing store filled with excellent merch! https://twitter.com/griftsh0p?s=21 https://grift.shop   And finally--please forgive some of the audio for being uneven. We were all recording from home and had to make do. Enjoy!

This week Zac and Michael dig into their cozy holiday bags of gifts and look at... Chuck Schumer? Michael finally lets Zac rant about the Senate Majority's leader complete absence from governance except for the man's love affair with bad twitter memes. Then they take the rest of the podcast to look at the death of Roe V. Wade and legal abortion in much of the country. Christmas is on its way and before you know it--everybody may be forced to give birth outside with the animals. That might not be very funny, but you try writing a joke about abortion.

This week Zac and Michael are back after a whirlwind adventure to Orlando--where they breathed the free air--mostly riddled by covid. It's a looser episode where they talk about the failures of the Obama presidency, the neutrality of technology and difficulty of liberation and what a messy bitch Zac becomes at weddings!

This week Zac and Michael hop on the mic to at last destroy that useless affect of american decadence--the ballot box. Then they look at Ross Douthat's discussion with Sohrab Ahmari--two adult  babies who converted to catholicism. Don't worry - they definitely don't want to create a cabal that monitors your browser history!

This week Zac and Michael dig into yet another tragic police shooting--this time literally on their block. Then they examine all the negotiating the democrats are doing against themselves--and losing! At last, they peer into the dark heart of American power and realize that the future is here, democracy is long gone. But the good news is that Zac and Michael get what they really want--the moral high ground (which they'll need as the seas continue to rise).

After time in the wilderness subsisting on locusts, honey and Israeli ecstasy pills--Zac and Michael ARE BACK! They pick up their microphones because the Southern Baptist Convention continues its ways of trying to eat hot chip, ignore sex crimes, and lie. Then they take a look at Pat Robertson's controversies--the story of a persecuted man.   On a more genuine note, we're excited to be back! Going forward, we'll be switching to a bimonthly schedule and releasing two episodes a month. Thank you for your patience!

This week Zac and Michael stare into the abyss--which happens to be a video of Andrew Cuomo touching people's faces. They talk about the fallout in Albany as America's most Italian mayor takes us for one more non-consensual ride.Then, they dig into a minister suffering from cancer and... a secret that you will not guess. Finally, they log onto Facebook--where they can get all the Nazi memes, anti-vaxxer content, and NOW CHURCH!   Check out Adam on Twitch! https://www.twitch.tv/theadamglass

This week Zac and Michael conclude the LEFT BEHIND series! Come for the   poison bibles and magical communion wine and stay for the President coming to assassinate the Anti-Christ with a porcelain gun!    See you after the rapture, comrades

This week Zac and Michael return to the end of days where they decide that the most important thing is to get on Tinder! Only then, can they deal with this pesky anti-christ figure. In the meantime, the worlds FOREMOST RELIGIOUS SCHOLAR has announcement--that Shitty Christians is the best podcast--oh and something about the Messiah as well.

This week Zac and Michael finally take the plunge into the LEFT BEHIND series! They dig into the Kirk Cameron Masterpiece where they encounter attractive Russian AntiChrists, disappearing children--and the true face of evil--getting rid of nuclear weapons.

This week Zac and Michael open the pod with a confession of their sins online--no, no not pornography or video games--something far worse. Michael's watching Constitutionalists ask if they are BEING DETAINED and Zac is yelling at republicans on Facebook. Then they touch on the crimes of the "Indian schools" Canada. Finally they find a bible study that suits them--led by one of the insurrectionists on January 6th!   Note: Due to technical issues, the audio dips for a few minutes in the middle of the recording! Don't worry it's brief.

This week Zac and Michael do a throwback and record a funny, light-hearted episode about how everyone is a cop trying to keep you down! They dig into Joe Manchin on the phone with his bosses (none of whom live in West Virginia). Then, they talk about Erik Adams, the presumptive Mayor of New York who solves any problem with a fun mixture of cops, corruption, and declaring himself god-king over the tri-state area!

This week Zac and Michael discuss the SBC elections where human skin-flap, Al Mohler, eats shit! Then they dig through the catalogue of men condemning critical race theory, abortions, and other cool things. Finally, they bemoan the left's inability to coalesce around anything except twitter pile-ons and more!

This week Zac and Michael are joined by filmmaker and content creator Christopher Daniel Thomas! They discuss his background as a regular baptist and adulthood being harassed by megachurches trying to imprison him for his *depraved* TikToks! We then dig into the history of Biblical Counseling, a world and discipline that Christopher grew up in the center of. Finally, they discuss Christopher's new Youtube series MAGNIFY, about re-examining elements of our faith!   Here's a link to  the trailer for Christopher's new Youtube series, MAGNIFY:  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aBNe0HHq928&t=5s   And his twitter handle! https://twitter.com/callmecdt?s=21

This week Zac and Michael talk about that hot new trend--faith based investing! Now, you can exploit people AND make a little bit of money. This is a totally new idea. Then they dig into a gospel coalition screed about how Pride is the new Advent--which sounds like an upgrade to our hosts!

This week Zac and Michael take a peek into the past of one of their problematic favs--THE TRANSFORMED WIFE. They find some skeletons in her closet--most disturbing of all a *feminist* past! Then they dig into the upcoming SBC election for president where the candidates couldn't be more different! One candidate loves, supports, and slavishly services Trump and the other believes Trump might literally be Jesus in disguise. Gonna be a tight race! Finally, they explore how the right has completely coalesced  behind a simple, god-emperor solution.  Note: a listener was kind enough to point out that Demi Lovato goes by they/them pronouns. Apologies to our non binary friends and to Demi who has been through enough goddamnit!

This week Zac and Michael watch Nick Loeb's poison pen love letter to the embryos he considers his children, ROE V WADE. There they learn about how Catholics are actually oppressed and a catchy song about how lucrative abortion can be. Finally, they dive into the life of Nick Loeb--the Failson's Failson--a man who somehow only an assistant job when his uncle owned a movie studio and nearly caused an international incident with his own personal brand of breaded onions.

This week Zac and Michael take a scenic trip to our nation's rich and fragrant asshole--Scottsdale, Arizona! There, they check in on petty tyrant and pussification-enthusiast Mark Driscoll. Along the way, they also explore the continued fusion of the American right, the White American Church, and Q--where our country's only solidarity is between the psychos who burn their American-flag masks and the wine-moms who just wanna 'save the children.'

Prepare for the most salacious episode of Shitty Christians yet! This week Zac and Michael celebrate their 69th episode (nice) by finding some damn Christian Sex Advice--and learn along the way that quickies have a different meaning for Christians and that talking sexual positions over brunch is simply worship for some of our brethren.   Tune in for the internet's sexiest podcast!

Zac and Michael check in on the world according to Dave Ramsey, evangelical grifter and inventor of the bootstrap puller. We talk pistols at the all-hands and Facebook group espionage.

This week Zac and Michael tackle the cult classic, ASSASSIN 33 AD--a movie that asks the question: is it possible to make an altar call loveably sleazy? They jump back in time to understand--can science kill god? Why are these scientists so hot? Will Zac ever stop talking about Homoeroticism in fascist texts?  AND MORE

This week Zac and Michael talk about Joe Biden's role in Cronenberg's new movie THE DONALD--wherein Joe slowly morphs into the person of Donald Trump without libs even noticing! Then they take a look at white Christians unwillingness to do the right thing--even by accident.    And check out our new SHITTY CHRISTIANS DISCORD! There will be arguments about Calvinism, spicy chicken, and Zac's phrenological theories! It's a good time! https://discord.com/invite/c9rNVy2dbe

This week Zac and Michael take a moment to dive into the pressing issues of our time--is Doctor Seuss being canceled? Are Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion actually the same as Hitler? Should Lil Nas X have to retire the 'lil' now that he's built? Did Zac and Michael win the culture war? Tune in to find out!

This week, Zac and Michael are joined by Kim Kieswetter, sociologist professor and childhood friend to talk all things purity culture: the dangers of spaghetti straps, kindergarten modesty codes, and Kim's experience being an ostracized teen mom in the same church that taught a young Michael the dangers of Shape Magazine.

This week Zac and Michael are joined by the internet's very own GRIMM! They talk about global supply chains, special economic zones (not quite as fun as special erogenous zones) and a fleet of badass NUNS going undercover--to fight international slavery.   Check out Grimm's twitter here: https://twitter.com/mugrimm?s=21   And subscribe to his patreon comparing Biden and FDR's first 100 days here: https://www.patreon.com/mugrimm

This week Zac and Michael do their best to  break Chik-Fil-A's unholy grip on the chicken sandwich. Then they talk about how the Democrats saved all those small businesses from having to pay a living wage. Finally, they talk about the biggest breakup since BENNIFER--Beth Moore and the SBC.

This week Zac and Michael encounter a crisis that is threatening the very foundations of society, a disease wasting away Christian Men™ across our great nation, the virus known as Video Games. We take a look at three articles from John Piper's desiring god dot com and learn that all God wants is for men to go to war and have sex--a plan with no downsides for anyone!

This week Zac and Michael are joined by luminary, designer and shitposter of shitposters Grift Shop! They take a look at Aaron Sorkin's movie, THE TRIAL OF THE CHICAGO 7! They learn that real revolutionaries always respect prosecuting attorneys and the troops! At the end, Michael starts a riot--but Zac and Grift remind him--voting leads to *real* change.   While you're here -- please check out Grift's pop up! This Q hat has besotted our hosts. Avail for a limited time only! https://grift.shop/collections/the-pop-up-shop   And Grift's new podcast as a host! GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT https://linktr.ee/garbageingarbageout

This week Zac and Michael have a confession to make about reality television--but not about the week they spent on REAL WORLD in the Vegas season. They also take a look at dead people we won't miss but we will mock with Rush Limbaugh and demon fighter, chanteur, and christian nationalist, Carmen. Finally, they take another look at the saga of serial assaulter and literal human cannibal, Ravi Zacharias.

This week Zac and Michael take a look at some of our problematic favs like the Southern Baptist Convention, John McCarthur and Re-education Camps. They decide that snowball fights are bad and rules are actually pretty okay (at stopping the spread of a deadly illness and pandemic)!

In keeping with the orthodox theology of 90's sitcoms, it's a crossover episode!  Chase from Faith and Capital joins us to talk memories of the youth group vomitorium and leaving children on mountains for God. Then, we pump Chase for info on what comes next for socialism in the US and how we as dirty rotten commie christians can get involved.  Check out Faith and Capital for that good ole John Brown Religion.  and Follow Chase on Twitter

This week Zac and Michael take a look at the wild world of election prophecies as we slowly gather a collection of river rocks for an unrelated arts and craft project. We check Pat Robertson's prophecy batting average, delve deep into the cope lore of Jesus Christ: time traveler and have our first on-air hatemail read!  Special thanks to Josiah Sutton for letting us use his track Pawn Shop (Get Through Anything) Check out his Bandcamp Smash that follow button on Twitter And check out our sister/frenemy podcast Very Legal Very Cool

This week Zac and Michael are joined by Scott Benson, creator of Night in the Woods and founding member of The Glory Society worker co-op. We dive into Scott's past in Christian ska bands, losing faith while you're in ministry, making games without bosses and the legend of Ska Mom.  Follow Scott on Twitter Outro Music: The Vicars - Twilight of the Gods

This week Zac and Michael take a look at the aftermath of the Riots/Coup/Cosplay at the Capitol. Was it a coup? Is the Q Shaman hot? Why was the whole event as religious as a goddamn tent revival? Our idiots answer these questions and still manage to explain why Shofars in the wrong hands are terrifying!

Zac is back in the pod bunker this week to discuss Justin Bieber's future as Cool Pope and dig into the Covid drenched world of Dave Ramsey, self-described "Capitalist Pig" and massively popular debt shamer. Learn how money is morality,  your debt is sin, the dangers of socialism and how getting out of debt is as simple as 3 easy payments of $39.99 (S&H not included).    Check out these smart people thoughts!  Damon Garcia Magnificast Radio Free Labo(u)r

Zac is out on a top-secret assignment this week which leaves Michael free to bring commies on the pod! We're joined by LA based activist and communist educator Gomer to discuss his recent experience at a blockade to prevent "protest worship leader" Sean Freucht from bringing his roving band of evangelical superspreaders to Skid Row as well as atheist church pianists, how to not look like a cop plant at a protest and the importance of getting your ass kicked.  Follow Gomer on Twitter Check out his Twitch on Communist theory and Organizing Tactics  or find the VOD on Youtube

This week Zac and Michael end the year by discussing the few things Michael enjoys about the holidays--such as time's inevitable decay! Then they get into what's in Donald Trump's heart besides fatty deposits of plaque. Finally, they express gratitude to their listeners for the first--and definitely last--time.   Note: We'll be taking next week off for the holidays! Everybody stay safe and we'll see you in January!

This week Zac and Michael kick back and take it a little easier--checking back in on Kirk Cameron's return to save Christmas from the Covid Menace! Then, they look back on a brutal year and debate practically what the leftwing future looks like. Bonus! If we're wrong - you can stone Michael.

This week Zac and Michael are joined by Abdul Malik, screenwriter and journalist to talk Michael's garbage shoe game, how faith informs politics, eurojank dystopias and Abdul's recent Jacobin article about the future of our capitalist hellscape, luxury sneaker markets.  Follow Abdul on twitter and check out his Jacobin article here!

This week, Zac and Michael are joined by Adam Johnson, cohost of Citations Needed and atheist at large for a wide-ranging discussion about the role of religion in the leftist movements, God's Not Dead and Zac's newly released Netflix biopic: Hillbilly Elegy.

This week Zac and Michael are talking about the downfall of Carl Lentz--erstwhile pastor and current thirst trap. Then they dig past his downfall into sexy cult church, HILLSONG--where the grift continues.   Also check out an inside look at Hillsong from by Taffy Brodesser-Anker. An honest, poignant look at religion and in many ways an inspiration for our podcast.   https://www.gq.com/story/inside-hillsong-church-of-justin-bieber-kevin-durant

This week Zac and Michael are joined by grift--a designer, podcaster, and pillar of left twitter. The three of them discuss the explosion of Q-anon in the evangelical community. Turns out Christians love vague prophecies any way they can get 'em! Also check out Grift's shop for some truly incredible merch! Just in time for the holidays.  https://grift.shop And follow Grift on twitter. Our opinions do reflect his but not his employer's... https://twitter.com/GRIFTSH0P

This week Zac and Michael break down the endless cycle of the election where no one was elected or could have been--according to the current administration! They break down just how democrats not named Hunter Biden performed with voters and lovers alike. Finally, they give one last look at politics for the year--where does this train go from here? Can they get off? They're okay with jumping!   Note: We had a technical issue this week and lost part of our audio. There's about ten minutes in the middle where Michael's audio is soft. Stick with it, the audio clears up pretty quickly.   Finally, we are off next week! But we'll be back on 11/23 with a special guest from the internet!

This week Zac and Michael are confronted by the newest member of antifa--John Piper! Fortunately, John "Wayne" Grudem is there to bring him back into the fascist fold. Finally, they are confronted by a new, terrifying house of worship--PATRIOT CHURCH!

This week Zac and Michael are joined by Kelsey Lahr to mock the 2015 film WAR ROOM, a movie about rich people hiding in closets and pretending they're at war. Somehow, it gets even weirder when foot odor rears its smelly, ubiquitous head. There's Double Dutch!

This week Zac and Michael check in our sickly president--who appears to taking his 'roid rage on the road. Then they dive into the wacky world of Christian hardcore frontman, John Cooper and his leather scented pomades. Then finally, they dig into the creepy and corrupt life of Ravi Zacharias--a man who's mercifully deader with each passing day!

This week Zac and Michael discuss the event of the season, our ongoing pandemic making a fashionably late arrival at the White House! What happens now that Trump and all his toadies have gotten the virus? Is there still hope of intubation?   Then, they look into some Christian responses to our dear leader's illness--including one that isn't even terrible!

This week, Zac and Michael desperately try to claw their way back to sanity after listening to two old men yell about who hates socialism more for 90 minutes, then dive into an article from the Institute of Christian Socialism about fascism, the historical role of the church in abetting white supremacy, and how to build a church that fascists fear.  Check out Adam Joyce's great article:  https://christiansocialism.com/christianity-anti-fascism-trump-2020/

This week Zac and Michael pour a little liquor out for the demise of Supreme Court Justice... Sandra Day O'Connor! We wish her well on her final journey to the pearly gates of Little St. James.    In other news, we check back in on the Falwells--America's sloppiest family since the Simpsons!

Zac and Michael take a trip back to 1890, where seminary professor and old white dude Russell Carlisle is trying to get his book endorsed by some other old white dudes. His quest will take him to the distant future of 2002, where he discovers just how godless and terrible things have become. Discover the dangers of FM Radio headphones, thrift store mannequins, and hot dog stealing 8 year olds. Learn the dark secret of Church Movie Night. Will Russell ever get his endorsement? Will that really be the entire plot of a feature film? There are only two ways to find out.

After a week plagued with technical difficulties, Zac and Michael are back to discuss John Macarthur's persecution kink, envision a world without Men (and cows, and fossil fuels) courtesy of the Transformed Wife, and take the covenant membership class at Watermark Church, a Megachurch recently ranked #1 for Dallas area cults! Learn the secrets of salvation through faithful sharing of your financial information!

Zac and Michael are back to discuss the latest chapter of Jerry Fallwell Jr saga, check in on the totally normal behavior at the RNC and deep dive into Bespoke Corporate Ritual Designers, divinity school trained marketing consultants here to imbue your zoom round table with transcendental meaning before the next round of layoffs. Grab your sage bundle and cinnamon sticks, we're about to engage in some ancient best practices!

This week Zac and Michael make their first mistake ever by watching the Democratic Convention. Here they are confronted by the stars of daytime television and the most-cop friendly gathering of public officials outside a Klan rally.   But at last, they're faced with the question--what does the DNC stand for? And they learn that no matter what happens, there will always be 2024 to look forward to.

This week's a retrospective of Shitty Christian's finest villains as we discuss Jerry Falwell Jr.'s descent into pantslessness and Kamala Harris being chosen as our first blue-lives-matter Vice President. Finally, John MacArthur explores the noble path of civil disobedience to predictable results.   Bonus Reading on Kamala's long, grim history in the criminal justice system: https://theintercept.com/2019/06/09/kamala-harris-san-francisco-catholic-church-child-abuse/

The year is 2008, and there is one question on everyone's mind... How do I make my marriage as flame retardant as possible? Join Zac and Michael for the action-packed and church funded  FIREPROOF: 2008's highest grossing independent film and the story of man who loves boats, incognito browsers, and expressing himself through the destruction of household objects. Learn about the Love Dare, a 40-day plan to brainwash your partner into loving you again through basic household upkeep. Discover the secret of the tomato juice.

This week Zac and Michael delve into the Christian youtube, from the dangers of mall arcade Halo to Nephilim conspiracy theories to Paul and Morgan, your hip cool Millenial Fundamentalists with very specific opinions on marital blowjobs (against) and sex schedules (for). It's exceedingly normal stuff!    Special Shitty Christians thank you to Lilia Marie Ellis for reading her poem Nightmare and Interpretation 3 for the outro! You can check out more of her work at https://twitter.com/LiliaMarieEllis

This week, Zac and Michael welcome the return of Chrisitan Porn Guy, here to share with us the dangers of NBC game shows and the Kroger checkout aisle. We learn how to be better parents by forcing our children to be wartime medics and have Brianna on to discuss the true nature of Hip Hop as defined by Alexander Hamilton.

This week Zac and Michael discuss hope in a time of hopelessness and get some helpful Christian dating advice before diving into the recent allegations against John Ortberg made public by Ortberg's Son and official SC Decent Person award winner, Daniel Lavery.

Zac and Michael are back from sabbatical and ready to tackle the most trying issue of our day, the 2005 Disney Family Adventure™ classic The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe. We delve into the creepy Christian billionaire who financed it, the species essentialism of Narnia, and watch helplessly as Disney mashes the corpse of a beloved children's book into the mold of a PG Lord of the Rings. It's even worse than it sounds!

This week, Zac and Michael are joined by Fredo Fabrucci to discuss America's most problematic sport. We talk growing up with wrestling, why we love it and why it's terrible, and discuss the recent wave of abuse allegations made public using the #speakingout hashtag.  Follow Fredo! https://twitter.com/Utwitily

Zac and Michael discuss the evangelical panic over the Supreme Court not being as awful as they expected, the moral bankruptcy of blue no matter who, and a Catholic archbishop's open letter to Trump begging him to save us from the world's most dangerous threat... The Deep Church.

This week Zac and Michael discuss BY WHAT STANDARD, the two hour angry white man "documentary" about how marxists are trying to destroy the Baptist Church from the inside. Find out if Non Binding Resolution No. 9 will kill God! Who will protect our most sacred doctrine, free market economics? Bonus: we discuss the evolution of protesting and how better Human Resources Departments might not save us.

Zac and Michael discuss handwringing over looting, the Evangelical response to George Floyd's murder, and Michael's experience at a protest that made national news. Bonus! Trump attends church the only way he knows how: with extreme prejudice.   Our buddy Tee was shot with six rubber bullets and a tear gas canister to the head at a Sacramento protest. Their 'crime' was showing up with snacks and water for their friends and fellow activists. They had been on the scene for five minutes. Take a second to listen to their story below: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4VUf6UVVLOk&feature=youtu.be

This week Zac and Michael call on two-time guest Kelsey Lahr to help them untangle the Pureflix masterpiece, GOD'S NOT DEAD! Along the way, they learn the perils of godless college professors and leaving wine in a hot car before the Newsboys offer a dying woman the care she truly needs: a Sunday School Lesson!   Bonus: Check out Kelsey's writing here: https://kelseylahr.com

This week Zac and Michael explore one of the great theological questions: What does God  think is sexy? Then we deep dive into the story of David Green and the Hobby Lobby family, your friendly neighborhood craft giant with schemes for the fate of America and your uterus!

This week, Zac and Michael attempt to answer one of life's eternal questions... are all cops bastards? We take a look at the epidemic of police violence and attend the only only community of faith that can clean up our hearts and the mean streets... Cop Church!

This week, Zac and Michael celebrate the birth of an auspicious child before learning how churches should actually be tanning salons and taking a deep dive into the the history of the May Day and the Haymarket Massacre, the holiday with more martyrs than Good Friday!

This week Zac and Michael peer into the yawning pit of despair that most people call "2020." Then, they dig into the work of blogger, writer, and conflicted social media star, The Transformed Wife--only to realize that their skinny jeans and avocado toast are destroying this once-proud nation once again   Bonus: read our first guest, Kelsey Lahr's article on slate! https://slate.com/technology/2020/04/climate-change-giant-sequoias.html

This week Zac and Michael dive into the Christian response to Tiger King, the rare touchstone so universal Christians are forced to have terrible takes on it. Find out why we are trapped in cages with the tigers of sin, or were we the sin tigers all along? It's complicated. Bonus: We read your e-mails and get the dirt about seminary professors and Jeremy Camp!

This week, Zac and Michael finish up their epic journey with Sarah Archer deep into the land of Cowboy Billionaires and sexless romance novels and learn that the real billionaires were the friends we made along way! Bonus: We dissect the Christian concern over whether states should be allowed to have laws about Coronavirus, let alone enforce them. Finally, here's the link to Sarah's excellent novel, THE PLUS ONE! Go buy it!  https://www.amazon.com/Plus-One-Sarah-Archer/dp/0525539174

This week, Zac and Michael are joined by Sarah Archer, author of good books and fan of very bad ones. We discuss Christian Brides for Billionaire Brothers, a best selling christian romance novel that tells the tale of billionaire cowboy Rhett Walker and his disturbingly chaste love affair with Evelyn Foster, town matchmaker and semi professional breath loser. Bonus: We toast the end of Bernie's presidential run and think just a bit about what happens after we stop sobbing uncontrollably into our sackcloth.

We're back to discuss the 2nd half of I STILL BELIEVE, Jeremy Camp's biopic about how awesome he is at being selfless and hot. Learn how anything is a miracle if you strum a guitar while you talk about it!

This week Zac and Michael are joined by Chris Tatem to discuss Just War Theory and the history of Christian excuses for bombing their enemies in love. Let Billy Graham try to convince you that the free market is God's will!

This week, we brave the apocalypse to watch I STILL BELIEVE, the Jeremy Camp biopic about his life as a stalker/campus guitar guy and delve into the arcane rituals of the dreaded youth group hang. Bonus! We discuss Capitalism coming out as a full blown death cult and sacrifice ourselves on the altar of the stock market like discount Aslan. It's fun!

This week Zac and Michael look at the state of the Democratic Primary after a couple of hard losses before they get locked into quarantine because of Coronavirus and Sarah Palin shows up to unite this broken country once and for all!

Zac and Michael debate hope and despair in the wake of Super Tuesday before diving into the history and implications of the the Protestant work ethic and how miserable it's making all of us. Bonus: John Piper negs us with coronavirus!

The first time Jesus and Socialism have been together since the New Testament!

Zac and Michael deep dive into the state of the democratic primaries and figure out each candidate's 'true' religious affiliation. Then Thomas Friedman tries to convince them that the best path forward is a Democratic megazord. Find out if this unholy fusion of god and man is the nation's only hope!

This week Zac and Michael discuss Unplanned: 2019 pro life propaganda film and the story of Abby Johnson, former planned parenthood clinic director and current dessert nacho enthusiast. We dive into the history of the pro life movement and its historical ties to segregation before spending two hours trying to figure out which member of the Johnson clan is the hottest (It's all of them).

Zac and Michael briefly celebrate Bernie's victory in New Hampshire before learning that newly-minted Oscar winner, Parasite, is *actually* about the destruction of the American family! Finally, they delve into the legacy of a plain but thick man, named Mark Driscoll, and hope to keep the sex demons at bay.

This week we are joined by Kelsey Lahr, author and actual smart person! We discuss Christian Environmentalism, her relationship with giant sequoias, and a childhood filled with fire and brimstone ventriloquist dummies. Bonus, Zac and Michael go full conspiracy brain on Iowa and why Pete Buttigieg sucks!

Zac and Michael are back to discuss Paula White's satanic pregnancy, Mike Pompeo and the Evangelical obsession with Israel, and Jerry Falwell Jr. seceding from Virginia to form little Virginia. Tune in to hear how much Southeastern Baptist professor Bruce Ashford hates sconce humping. There's a diss track!

On a very special episode of Crappy Christians, Zac and Michael take a break from cursing and rage to focus on the things we think the Church gets right. In this mom friendly episode we discuss the joys of VeggieTales, MLK's socialist bonafides and get choked up reading Marilynn Robinson quotes while drinking tea. It's surprisingly wholesome!