THE TOKIN' ASIAN

In what will likely become a yearly event, Matt and Dave see a new STAR WARS movie in the theater and then offer up a spoiler-filled (and in Matt’s case weed-fueled) review. This time around they present their take on ROGUE ONE: A Star Wars Story. It’s only been out for about three weeks as this episode is being posted, so if you were one of the last holdouts unsure if this one was for you, hopefully this will help. In a stunning podcast first, Matt and Dave are joined in this episode by guest host April Votolato, who was tricked into appearing with promises of a robot painting Matt offered her years ago. Such drama, on screen and off… How does it all turn out? You’ll just have to listen to know.

Matt and Dave return after a long hiatus to reflect on the state of current American politics and get deep into the issue of fecal odor disguising bathroom sprays. Other topics include Onyx The Fortuitous, penis flytraps, the funniest word, Tip O’Neill, military boner pills, disappointing nudity in movies, Bill Clinton cancellations, PBP, Ams, chime confusion, future animal consent via sign language, Tattoo vs. Twiki, and Rastafarian robots.

Matt and Dave went and saw the movie HARDCORE HENRY and then sat down to file this report on the splendid work of art that it is, after Matt spent the requisite amount of time in the “green room” of course. Along the way they also discuss drug sniffing teens saving the world in Robert Rodriguez’s THE FACULTY, Andrew Dice Clay, Star Wars ROGUE ONE, Cock Ring Ken, The classic Play-Doh Fuzzy Pumper Barber Shop & Matt’s questionable designs for new versions, and disappointing ways that filmmakers get the 80s wrong.

Matt buys a Cotton Candy maker. What do you think he’s going to do with it? GOT A QUESTION FOR MATT? Send it in an email to NOBODYSNOSEDL@GMAIL.COM or ask it through one of the links below. LIKE the Nobody’s Nose page on Facebook: www.facebook.com/noseynobody Follow Nobody’s Nose on Twitter: @NOSEYNOBODY Weird Arby’s Worker Tropical […]

Dave offers Matt a deal that could have staggering implications for both of their futures. It’s all very serious. Along the way they also discuss Matt’s podcast recording preparation procedures, Snoop Dogg’s narration skills, the Bernie Sanders / Col. Sanders confusion issue, tax revenues from legal marijuana sales in the USA, Matt’s disturbing totalitarian weed regime concept, conservative pro-weed radio host Hash Rimbong, why Asians are described as yellow (hint: Matt assumes urine is involved), the best concert Matt ever saw, emo vocals as stalker instructions, wet lyrics, cake farting, songwriting encouragement, golden toes, having sex while listening to your band, and nothing but crickets from potential emo-superstar Taylor Jepsen.

Matt and Dave see the new hard-R Marvel superhero movie DEADPOOL and record a spoiler-full episode in response. Seeing as how they never entirely stay on topic, they also veer into discussions of capitalism working with regards to legal weed, new mythological creatures, the intrinsic unfairness of Ryan Reynolds’s sense of humor, issues arising from Scarlett Johansson’s hypothetical penis size, dousing for porn, a place for Matt in the modern film industry, the possibility that Meatloaf may have changed his mind on what exactly he would and wouldn’t do for love, Kitty Pride and Rogue sex issues, what the hell is wrong with The Fantastic Four, and the difficulty of explaining the current state of the Marvel Continuous Universe (MCU).

Matt receives his first audio question from a listener, and it forces him to confront the horror of millennial emo kids head on. But before and after that Dave walks with him through a variety of topics including ass-snatching, delayed brain messages, zombie themes in classic songs, hemorrhoid tentacles, apology-based ass play, kaiju genitalia animation, homemade bong cleaner, what kind of damage to expect when Matt is your guest, weed consumption estimations, the possibility of a Matt band reunion, alphabetical dating coincidences, the assumed quality of Trump dumps, Bill Clinton campaign shenanigans, white slight encouragement, and origami condoms.

SPOILER ALERT! One of the hosts of this show may have smoked marijuana before recording. Also, we watched THE FORCE AWAKENS and will completely ruin it for you if you haven’t seen it. Matt and Dave start off their discussion of Star Wars Episode 7 in the most natural way possible, that being discussions of VALLEY GIRL, NIGHT OF THE COMET, BETTER OFF DEAD, PEE WEE’S BIG ADVENTURE, STREETS OF FIRE, and the one element that almost connects them all. While getting around to talking about the space movie they also discuss new slang, stunt titties, custom rolling papers, ham smell, Jar Jar: rabbit or platypus?, Asian aliens, yellow lightsabers, sedation dentistry vs home dentistry, classic driving instructions, nose vaping, the fact that the Star Wars Holiday Special may or may not be considered canon, how Wedge could have effectively been used in the movie, Luke Skywalker’s medical marijuana influenced green lightsaber, vicious Ewoks, better weapons for Captain Phasma, Kylo Ren as a Jawbreaker fanboy, a disturbing theory of Rey’s parentage, and Yoda’s nuts.

Matt and Dave end 2015 with a vaguely holiday-themed discussion that swings wildly between serious and scatalogical, as you may have come to expect. Matt gives some useful tips that may come in handy for family gatherings, and along the way they touch on many other topics including self-defecating humor, callbacks to nonexistent prior bits, the ethnicity of Dave’s yard art, neti douche, proper pronunciation advice for white people, spiritual spooning, flasher motivations, magic underwear, stripped bolts, useful co-workers, Trump theories, environmental predictions, weapon handling, breakaway civilizations, reptilian skepticism, Matt’s desert island 3, Song of the East, flapjacks, Freejack, Snatch, and original holiday songs.

Matt gets so high it takes 2.5 hours to record 1 hour. Some would call that really good weed. Dave calls it an editing challenge. This episode’s topics include entertainment description for the blind, listening to podcast episodes out of order, #3 (slurry), paste or gravy, Matt’s clean slate, homemade monk hash candy, Viagra candy canes, the difference between yellow and gold, the Bloop, the disappointment that comes from the inherent false advertising contained in the title Moby Dick, Dude Wipes, Full Frontal Asian, Matt as a character in Dave’s own personal Groundhog Day, Bobby Jimmy and the Critters, shower relief, brown panthers, verbal mime, and what is a Clam Hand?

Matt and Dave return to bring the world a second installment of what may someday be described as “an intense and nuanced study of the intricacies of race relations, cannabis consumption, and toilet talk.” Matt airs his deep concern that children may be allowed to listen to the podcast and be irreparably damaged before he and Dave dive into a series of important topics including masturbating gorilla toys, questionable bathroom soap, terribly annoying common phrases, the Alabama protein shake, Ally Sheedy’s dandruff, cutting, cadres of nuns, sick children vs diarrhea as an excuse to miss work, the ethnicity of Muppets (Dr. Bunsen Honeydew in particular), advice for dating 18 year olds, republicans, Joan Jett’s shoes, girls with eye patches, failed weed legalization measures, the other Splinter, various slurs for white people straight from the official database, webelos, weeble wobbles, faking disabilities to avoid conversations, a surprise revelation about Flashdance, and a very special poem.

Matt introduces himself to the podcast listening world as the host of this new show, and introduces board op Dave as his assistant and show facilitator. The format of the show is explained, and Matt makes various attempts at writing a new theme song for Dave’s other podcast I’VE KNOWN YOU TOO LONG, all while discussing topics including legal weed, Wang Chung, Long Duk Dong, 70s TV, trying to help by giving questionable advice, Mad magazine fold-ins and hidden penis art, PaRappa the Rapper, a certain type of citrus fruit party, names of other things you definitely should not search on the internet, something about horses, firecracker necklaces, late-night crossbow stunts, jaywalking shenanigans, Matt’s stripper name, a unique new type of one man band, incorrect census numbers, weak slander for caucasians, and probably some other things.