After the Affair

In this episode of After the Affair, host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the societal expectations surrounding infidelity and why many of them are not just wrong but harmful. He lists the top 34 most common Societal Expectation Statements and challenges each and every one! We often think of infidelity in black-and-white terms, assigning blame and passing judgement based on outdated norms and rigid stereotypes. But infidelity is far more complex than society tends to acknowledge. Luke unpacks the dangers of oversimplifying infidelity, the damaging effects of punitive mindsets, and why rigid gender norms don’t hold up in the real world. Through honest reflection, this episode challenges the idea that infidelity always has to end a relationship, and instead offers a more nuanced understanding of what it means to heal, rebuild, or move on. Whether you’ve been betrayed or were the one who was unfaithful, this episode will make you rethink what society says about infidelity and how it can impact your recovery. Key Topics Discussed: Why Black-and-White Thinking Is Harmful: Infidelity is often judged as entirely the fault of the unfaithful partner, ignoring relational dynamics and the complexity of the emotions involved. Gender Norms and Why They Don't Work: The stereotype that men cheat for sex and women cheat for emotional reasons misses the broader picture of human behaviour. The Punishment Trap: How shame, public humiliation, and the pressure to leave the relationship can hinder healing and growth, both for the betrayed and the unfaithful. Why Infidelity Doesn’t Have to Mean the End: Exploring the idea that, with the right support, some couples can rebuild trust and come out stronger on the other side. The Overlooked Forms of Infidelity: Emotional and digital infidelity often get ignored in societal discussions, but they can be just as damaging as physical cheating. Judgement vs. Understanding: Why casting judgement on the unfaithful partner doesn’t allow for personal growth or relationship repair, and how a restorative approach can offer more. Reflective Question: How have societal expectations shaped your response to infidelity? Have these expectations helped or hindered your healing process?   Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Instagram: @mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the concept of "doing the work" in the aftermath of betrayal, particularly in the context of the self-help world. Often, we think of self-help as something we turn to only when something in our lives has gone wrong, a reactive measure rather than a proactive one. But the bigger question is, what does 'doing the work' even mean? Luke discusses the importance of committing to self-improvement not just in times of crisis but as a regular practice. He also reminds us of the first three lines of the self-coaching model: Circumstances, Thoughts, and Feelings, and explains how understanding these components can help us navigate the emotional landscape of betrayal and beyond. You can learn more about the self coaching model on Episode 20 - How to Handle any Problem ( https://www.lifecoachluke.com/podcast/episode/c20ef146/20-how-to-handle-any-problem ) Whether you’re currently dealing with the aftermath of infidelity or simply interested in how self-help can be integrated into your everyday life, this episode offers valuable insights into the power of "doing the work" before life throws its curveballs.   Key Topics Discussed: The Concept of "Doing the Work": Understanding what "doing the work" means in the context of self-help and personal growth. The difference between reactive and proactive self-help. Self-Help as a Preventative Tool: Why it’s important to engage in self-improvement before crises occur. Building resilience and emotional strength through regular self-reflection and practice. The Self-Coaching Model: Introduction to the first three lines: Circumstances, Thoughts, and Feelings. How these elements interact to shape our experiences and responses to betrayal. Applying Self-Help in the Aftermath of Betrayal: Practical strategies for using self-coaching techniques to navigate emotional challenges. The long-term benefits of committing to "doing the work" consistently. Listener Takeaways: Proactive Self-Help: Understand the importance of integrating self-help practices into your life before challenges arise. Self-Coaching Basics: Learn how the Circumstances, Thoughts, and Feelings model can help you manage your emotional responses. Building Resilience: Discover how regular self-reflection and "doing the work" can strengthen your ability to handle life’s difficulties. Reflective Question: How can you start integrating self-help practices into your daily routine, not just when things go wrong but as a way to build ongoing resilience?   Call to Action: If this episode resonated with you, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website After the Affair and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes. Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Instagram: @mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Afraid to Be Seen? The Hard Truth About Validation and Betrayal," we tackle the uncomfortable truths that many of us face in the wake of infidelity and betrayal. This episode dives deep into the insecurities that often lie beneath the surface, those parts of us that crave external validation, fear rejection, and struggle with identity. Luke explores how early experiences shape our self-worth, how our identities become tied to how others perceive us, and what happens when those perceptions are shattered by betrayal. If you’ve ever felt like you need to look perfect, act strong, or earn love to feel worthy, this episode is for you. We’ll discuss the crossroads where change becomes possible and how to move forward to reclaim your true self-worth, independent of others’ approval. Key Topics Discussed: The Impact of Early Experiences on Self-Worth: How childhood and adolescent experiences shape our beliefs about ourselves. The connection between early trauma and the need for external validation. The Role of Identity and External Validation: How societal standards and social media influence our self-image. The dangers of tying your worth to appearance, achievements, or others’ approval. The Crossroads: A Moment of Reflection and Potential Change: Recognising when the path you’re on is no longer sustainable. Confronting the fears and insecurities that have driven your behaviour. Moving Forward: The Path to a More Fulfilling Life: Shifting from external to internal validation. Embracing vulnerability and building genuine connections based on who you truly are. Listener Takeaways: Confront Your Insecurities: Understand how your need for validation may be rooted in past experiences and how it affects your current relationships. Redefine Your Identity: Learn how to shift your focus from external approval to internal validation and self-acceptance. Embrace Vulnerability: Explore how letting go of the need for perfection can lead to deeper, more authentic relationships. Reflective Question: What would it look like for you to build a sense of self-worth that isn’t dependent on external validation? Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Instagram: @mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

Welcome to a special 100th episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this milestone episode, titled "The Anniversaries We Hate: Redefining Time and Memory," we take a deep dive into the emotional significance of anniversaries, those dates on the calendar that can bring both joy and dread. From birthdays and weddings to D-days and divorces, anniversaries often carry a heavy emotional weight. In this episode, we explore why we associate such strong feelings with these dates, how they can control our emotions, and what it means to redefine these anniversaries in a way that supports our healing and growth. Luke challenges the traditional view of anniversaries, offering insights into how we can stop reliving past pain and start creating a future filled with the celebrations that truly matter. Key Topics Discussed: The Origin and Significance of Anniversaries: How anniversaries became significant markers of time in our lives. The human need for structure and meaning behind these dates. The Emotional Impact of Anniversaries: How positive anniversaries are used to create new memories. Why negative anniversaries lead us to dwell on the past and re-punish ourselves. The power of anniversaries as emotional triggers. Rewriting Our Stories Around Anniversaries: Strategies for transforming the impact of negative anniversaries. Creating new traditions and focusing on growth. The importance of self-care and setting positive intentions for future anniversaries. Choosing the Anniversaries We Want to Celebrate: How to shift focus from past pain to future milestones. Celebrating personal growth, resilience, and new beginnings. Listener Takeaways: Understand the Emotional Impact: Recognise why anniversaries hold so much emotional power and how they can control our feelings. Reframe Negative Anniversaries: Learn practical strategies to transform painful anniversaries into opportunities for healing and growth. Celebrate What Truly Matters: Shift your focus to celebrating the milestones that reflect your personal journey and resilience. Reflective Question: What anniversaries do you want to celebrate in the future, and how can you start rewriting your story around the ones that bring you pain?If you found this episode insightful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes. Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Instagram: @mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "The Want Match: Aligning Desires After Betrayal," we explore the concept of the "Want Match," which focuses on aligning the desires and needs of both partners in a relationship. This episode delves into how recognising and understanding these wants can create a more balanced and fulfilling partnership. Luke shares practical steps to identify, communicate, and navigate these desires, along with relatable examples to illustrate the concept. Key Topics Discussed: Understanding the Want Match Concept: Explanation of the "Want Match" concept. Importance of aligning what one partner wants to give with what the other partner desires to receive. Recognizing that no single person can fulfill all emotional and relational needs. Identifying Your Own Desires: Importance of making a detailed list of your desires in a relationship. Examples of common desires such as emotional support, physical intimacy, and shared activities. Communicating with Your Partner: How to share your desires openly with your partner. Encouraging your partner to do the same for mutual understanding. Assessing the Matches and Discussing Misalignments: Determining which desires align naturally. Examples of matched and mismatched desires in relationships. Discussing areas of misalignment with compassion and understanding. Exploring Willingness to Compromise: Discussing the importance of genuine willingness to compromise. Examples of how partners can compromise to meet each other's needs. Planning for Alternative Fulfillment: Finding ways to fulfill desires that cannot be met within the relationship. Ensuring that external fulfillment respects the boundaries and commitments of the relationship. Regularly Re-evaluating and Focusing on Self-Care: The importance of periodically revisiting the "want match" list. Focusing on self-care and personal growth to reduce dependency on your partner. Embracing Flexibility and Understanding: Recognizing that not all desires will be perfectly met. Balancing personal wants with realistic expectations and mutual respect. Listener Takeaways: Understand Your Needs: Learn to identify and communicate your own desires in a relationship. Foster Open Communication: Encourage open dialogue with your partner about each other's needs and desires. Embrace Compromise and Flexibility: Find ways to compromise and respect each other’s differences to create a harmonious connection. Reflective Question: How can you and your partner better communicate and align your desires to create a more fulfilling relationship? If you found this episode insightful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes. Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Instagram: @mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Trickle Truth: The Pain of Gradual Disclosure in Infidelity," we'll explore the challenging and often painful experience of trickle truth, also known as "drip feeding" the truth or "gradual disclosure." This episode delves into why trickle truth happens, its impact on both the betrayed and unfaithful partners and the emotional complexities involved. Luke shares listener stories and provides compassionate insights into the struggles faced by both parties. Whether you're navigating the aftermath of infidelity or seeking to understand the dynamics of trickle truth, this episode offers validation and empathy. Key Topics Discussed: Understanding Trickle Truth: Definition and common reasons for trickle truth. The psychological and emotional factors that contribute to gradual disclosure. Impact on the Betrayed Partner: The cycle of anger, sadness, and confusion caused by ongoing revelations. The challenge of rebuilding trust amidst constant uncertainty. The Unfaithful Partner's Perspective: The internal conflict and fear of full disclosure. The unintended consequences of trying to protect their partner through gradual honesty. Listener Stories and Reflections: Real-life experiences shared by listeners dealing with trickle truth. The emotional toll on relationships and the difficulty of finding closure. Key Takeaways: Compassion and Understanding: Recognise the emotional complexities faced by both partners in the context of trickle truth. Impact of Gradual Disclosure: Understand the prolonged pain and trust issues caused by incomplete truths. Reflective Question: How can you create an environment in your relationship where honesty and transparency are encouraged and valued, even when the truth is difficult? If you found this episode insightful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes. Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Instagram: @mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Time to Choose: Infidelity and the Truth We Face," we discuss the impact that facing a finite timeline can have on our decisions and relationships, particularly in the context of infidelity. What happens when we're confronted with the reality of limited time? How do our priorities shift, and what truths come to light? Join Luke as he explores how the awareness of mortality can bring clarity to the complexities of infidelity, encouraging a renewed focus on authenticity, meaningful connections, and the choices that define our lives. Key Topics Discussed: The Region Beta Paradox: Understanding how severe situations can accelerate emotional recovery and prompt decisive actions. How facing a life-threatening diagnosis can shift perspectives on what truly matters. Shifts in Priorities: The profound change in priorities when time is perceived as limited. How infidelity can be reframed under the urgency of mortality, highlighting the importance of honesty, forgiveness, and meaningful relationships. Living Authentically: The importance of making choices that align with one's true values and desires. For both unfaithful and betrayed partners, this means setting clear boundaries, expressing true feelings, and making intentional decisions. Inducing Intentional Living: Practical ways to cultivate a mindset of intentional living without the trigger of a life-altering event. Techniques include mindfulness, reflective journaling, contemplating mortality, setting goals, engaging in deep conversations, and giving back. Listener Takeaways: Authenticity and Integrity: Understand the importance of living authentically, especially in the aftermath of infidelity. Prioritising Meaningful Connections: Focus on what truly matters in relationships and personal growth. Intentional Living: Learn practical ways to cultivate a mindset of intentionality in everyday life. Reflective Question: How can the awareness of limited time inspire you to live more authentically and intentionally, especially in the context of your relationships?   If you found this episode insightful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes. Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Instagram: @mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair community at www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity

Winning your next argument is the most important thing, right?Join Luke Shillings - Relationship and Infidelity Recovery Coach as he unpicks the psychological and emotional reasons behind our desire to be right in arguments, especially in the aftermath of betrayal. We explore how this need can create a zero-sum game in relationships, leading to increased resentment and conflict. Luke shares personal anecdotes and practical insights on how to move past this need, fostering better understanding and connection in relationships. Key Topics Discussed: The Universal Desire to Be Right: Exploring why being right feels so important. Understanding the deeper need for validation and self-worth. The Emotional Underpinnings: How past experiences and insecurities drive the need to be right. Luke's personal example from his workplace experiences. The Zero-Sum Game: How arguments become about winning rather than resolving issues. The detrimental effects of this mindset on relationships. Throwing Fuel on Each Other's Fire: An analogy to illustrate how arguments escalate. The importance of understanding and empathy to prevent conflict from intensifying. Moving Past the Need to Be Right: Steps to cultivate self-awareness and reflect on the desire to win. Techniques for focusing on listening and validating your partner's perspective. Practicing empathy and collaborative problem-solving. Personal Reflection: Luke shares his own journey in overcoming the need to be right. How shifting focus from winning to understanding transformed his interactions. Listener Takeaways: Self-Awareness: Recognise when you’re slipping into the mindset of needing to win and reflect on the underlying motivations. Active Listening: Focus on truly hearing your partner’s point of view to validate their feelings and perspectives. Empathy and Collaboration: Remember that your partner is not your adversary; work together to find solutions that respect both viewpoints. Reflective Question: How can you shift your focus from being right to truly understanding your partner’s perspective the next time a disagreement arises? Take some time to think about this and consider how it might change the dynamics of your relationships. Your help is really appreciated by others just like you: If you found this episode helpful, please share it with others who might benefit. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website lifecoachluke.com/podcast and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes. Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: lifecoachluke.com Instagram: @mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Welcome to another episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, titled "Healing from Betrayal Using Internal Family Systems (IFS)," we explore how the therapeutic approach of IFS can help both betrayed and unfaithful partners understand and heal from the pain of infidelity. Join Luke as he delves into the concept of internal parts, how they influence our emotions and behaviours, and practical steps to foster self-compassion and personal growth. Key Topics Discussed: Introduction to Internal Family Systems (IFS): Understanding the basics of IFS and the concept of internal parts. The role of the Self in harmonising these parts. The Betrayed Partner and IFS: Identifying parts like the Protector, the Exiled Part, and the Angry Part. Engaging with these parts to unburden and integrate them for healing. The Unfaithful Partner and IFS: Identifying parts like the Exiled Part, the Impulsive Part, and the Guilty Part. Working with these parts to understand motivations and foster genuine change. Practical Steps for Both Partners: Techniques to identify and engage with internal parts. Building a support network and fostering self-compassion. Personal Reflection: Luke shares his own experience with identifying and working with internal parts during his healing journey. Listener Takeaways: Empower Yourself: Recognise your own strength and resilience in the healing process. Focus on Self-Compassion: Approach your internal parts with curiosity and compassion to foster healing. Practical Steps: Learn practical techniques to identify, engage with, and unburden your internal parts for a harmonious inner world. Reflective Questions: Which parts of yourself have you noticed emerging in response to betrayal, and how have they influenced your thoughts and behaviors? Can you identify any protective parts that may be trying to shield you from further pain? How might you approach these parts with curiosity and compassion? How might self-compassion play a role in your healing journey? What steps can you take to nurture this part of yourself? Resources Mentioned: Books and Articles on IFS: Explore literature on Internal Family Systems for deeper understanding and practical guidance. Mindfulness Practices: Incorporate mindfulness techniques to stay grounded and manage stress.   Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Instagram: @mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Disclaimer: The content of this podcast is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice. Always seek the guidance of a qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding IFS.

Luke explains how individuals might be drawn to different partners for various reasons and how these dynamics can influence infidelity. Through multiple theoretical lenses, including sociocultural, psychological, feminist, economic, and humanistic perspectives, this episode offers a comprehensive understanding of why people might prioritize different aspects of relationships. Key Points Discussed: Introduction to the "Lover vs. Provider" theory and its evolutionary roots. How the theory applies to both men and women, and the dual mating strategies involved. Examination of the theory through sociocultural, psychological, feminist, economic, and humanistic perspectives. The impact of personal history, attachment styles, and cultural influences on relationship dynamics. Practical insights for understanding and addressing infidelity within the context of these theoretical frameworks. Strategies for fostering open communication, addressing unmet needs, and rebuilding trust in relationships. Resources Mentioned: Relationship coaching techniques for exploring underlying needs and desires. Therapy and counseling for navigating emotional and psychological impacts of infidelity. Tools for improving communication and connection in relationships. Blog post referenced: https://medium.com/@epiphanyaweek/what-women-want-3870466f9544 If this episode resonated with you, please share it with others who might benefit from a deeper understanding of infidelity dynamics. For more resources and support, visit www.lifecoachluke.com or reach out through Facebook or Instagram. www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke Join the After the Affair Community - www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity Thank you for joining us on this episode of "After the Affair." Stay tuned for more insightful discussions on relationships, healing, and personal growth. Remember, you are not alone on this journey. Until next time, take care and stay strong.

Discover how the pain of betrayal often extends beyond the physical act, touching on what the affair represented rather than the individual affair partner. In this episode, Luke explores the emotional dynamics from both the betrayed and unfaithful spouse's perspectives, offering insights into how these narratives can be challenged and transformed for healing and growth. Key Points Discussed: The significance of the stories we tell ourselves after an affair. How affairs often symbolise deeper issues such as inadequacy, validation, and autonomy. The differing perspectives and emotional impacts on betrayed and unfaithful spouses. The role of personal history, attachment styles, and cultural influences in shaping these narratives. Strategies for challenging negative narratives and creating empowering ones for both the betrayed and unfaithful spouse. Examples of reframing narratives to promote self-discovery, resilience, and growth. Resources Mentioned: Journaling and self-reflection techniques. Therapy and professional support for navigating post-affair dynamics. Communication strategies to rebuild trust and understanding in relationships. If you found this episode insightful, please share it with anyone who might benefit from understanding the deeper emotional layers of infidelity. For more support and resources, visit www.lifecoachluke.com or reach out through Facebook or Instagram. www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke   Join the After the Affair Community - www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity   Healing from infidelity is a journey, and you don't have to go through it alone. Join us for more episodes where we continue to explore the complexities of relationships and recovery. Until next time, take care and stay strong.

Welcome to another insightful episode of 'After the Affair' with your host, Luke Shillings. In this episode, we delve into a common struggle faced by many betrayed partners – the belief that their healing is tied to their spouse’s actions. Whether it's waiting for an apology, seeking explanations, or hoping for changes in behaviour, many feel stuck in a cycle of dependency. Luke explores why these beliefs take such a stronghold and how they can keep you trapped in a state of emotional limbo. More importantly, he provides actionable steps to shift your focus towards self-empowerment, allowing you to reclaim your power and take charge of your healing journey.   Key Topics Discussed: The Illusion of Control: Understanding why we look to our spouse for answers and closure. Recognising the pitfalls of relying on external factors for healing. Why even sincere apologies and changes in behaviour might not lead to true healing. Internal vs. External Validation: The importance of finding validation and strength within yourself. How external dependency can prolong pain and delay recovery. Practical Steps to Self-Empowerment: Shifting focus from what your spouse does or doesn’t do to what you can control. Setting healthy boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Cultivating self-compassion and recognising your own resilience. Building a Supportive Network: Surround yourself with people who uplift and support you. The role of friends, family, and professionals in your healing journey. Engaging in Personal Growth and Mindfulness: Reconnecting with your passions and interests. Practising mindfulness to stay grounded and present. Affirming Your Self-Worth: The power of positive affirmations in reinforcing self-belief. Embracing your journey of self-discovery and empowerment. Listener Takeaways: Empower Yourself: Understand that true healing starts from within. You have the power to navigate your own path to recovery, independent of your spouse's actions. Focus on What You Can Control: Shift your attention to what you can do today to support your healing and well-being. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself and acknowledge your resilience and strength. Build a Strong Support Network: Lean on friends, family, and professionals who can offer guidance and encouragement. Embrace Personal Growth: Use this time to rediscover your passions and invest in activities that bring you joy and fulfilment. Found this episode helpful?If you found this episode helpful, please share it with others who might benefit. Remember, your healing journey is yours to navigate, and you have the strength to move beyond dependency. Stay connected with us for more resources and support on our website After the Affair and follow our podcast for updates on new episodes. Connect with Luke Shillings: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Thank you for listening to 'After the Affair.' Your journey to healing is a testament to your strength and resilience. Stay empowered, and take care of yourself. See you next time!

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me, your host Luke Shillings as I discover how limiting beliefs can keep you stuck in negative patterns and how shifting your mindset can open up new possibilities for growth and recovery. Whether it’s about self-worth, trust, or what you think you deserve in love, your beliefs shape your reality in powerful ways. Learn practical steps to challenge and change these beliefs to create a more empowered and fulfilling life. Key Topics Covered: The definition and power of beliefs. How limiting beliefs hold us back and affect our relationships. The cost of maintaining limiting beliefs and their impact on our mental and emotional health. Strategies for transforming beliefs, including cognitive restructuring and mindfulness. Real-life stories of individuals who changed their beliefs and transformed their lives. Practical steps to identify, question, and replace limiting beliefs. Special Mention: Thank you to everyone who has joined our Facebook group! Your engagement and support are incredible. If you haven’t joined yet, search for 'After the Affair Community' on Facebook and become part of our community. You can join here -> https://www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity   Subscribe & Follow: Don’t forget to subscribe to 'After the Affair' on your favourite podcast platform and follow us on social media for more insights and support. Listener Interaction: We love hearing from you! Share your thoughts, questions, and stories with us at luke@lifecoachluke.com or in our Facebook group. (@mylifecoachluke) There is also a ton of useful tips on my Instagram page - www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings takes a deep dive into the neuroscience behind trust and betrayal. Understanding these processes can be crucial in healing from infidelity and building stronger relationships. Join us as we explore how our brains process trust, the impact of betrayal, and practical strategies to foster healing and resilience. Key Topics Covered: The brain regions involved in trust and betrayal: the limbic system, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex. The role of oxytocin in promoting trust and bonding. How early experiences shape our trust patterns. The neurological impact of betrayal and its similarity to physical pain. Techniques for healing the brain post-betrayal, including mindfulness and EMDR. The importance of memory in processing trust and betrayal. Evolutionary perspectives on trust and betrayal. Practical applications for rebuilding trust and emotional resilience. Special Mention: A big thank you to everyone who has joined our Facebook group! Your participation and support are invaluable. If you haven’t joined yet, search for 'After the Affair Community' on Facebook and become part of our community. or you can join here -> www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity   Subscribe & Follow: Don’t forget to subscribe to 'After the Affair' on your favourite podcast platform and follow us on social media for more insights and support.   Learn more at www.lifecoachluke.com Join me over on IG at @mylifecoachluke www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke   Listener Interaction: We love hearing from you!   Share your thoughts, questions, and stories with us at luke@lifecoachluke.com or in our Facebook group.

Welcome to another episode of "After the Affair." I'm your host, Luke Shillings, and today we're tackling a crucial aspect of recovery that many people might not even realise they're struggling with: unhealthy coping mechanisms. After experiencing the emotional upheaval of infidelity, it's easy to fall into habits that seem helpful in the moment but actually hinder your healing process. In this episode, we'll explore: What coping mechanisms are and why they are important for your recovery. Real-life examples of unhealthy coping strategies that people often resort to after infidelity. Personal anecdotes from my own recovery journey and the lessons I learned. Signs to look out for to identify if you’re engaging in unhealthy coping behaviours. Practical tips on how to replace these harmful habits with healthier alternatives. Whether you're in the midst of your recovery or supporting someone who is, this episode is packed with insights and actionable advice to help you move forward on your healing journey. Join me as we uncover the coping mechanisms that might be holding you back and discover healthier ways to cope and thrive after betrayal. Key Points: Understanding Coping Mechanisms: Learn what coping mechanisms are and their role in managing stress and emotional pain. Identifying Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms: Recognize common unhealthy coping strategies, such as isolation, excessive drinking, and dwelling on the past. Real-Life Examples: Hear relatable stories and examples to see if you might be engaging in these behaviours without realizing it. Healthy Alternatives: Discover effective and healthy coping mechanisms to replace harmful habits. Practical Advice: Get practical tips and strategies to facilitate your recovery and promote emotional well-being. Resources Mentioned: Books on mindfulness and self-help Journaling techniques Meditation and mindfulness apps Join the After the Affair community here - www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity   Connect with Me: www.lifecoachluke.com luke@lifecoachluke.com www.Instagram.com/mylifecoachluke If you found this episode helpful, please subscribe, leave a review, and share it with anyone who might benefit from it. Your support helps us reach more people who need guidance on their recovery journey.

In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," host Luke Shillings delves into the complex phenomenon of hysterical bonding that often follows infidelity. Discover what hysterical bonding is, how common it is, and the differences between healthy and unhealthy forms. Learn practical strategies to manage this intense emotional response and ensure it doesn't cause further damage to your relationship. Join Luke as he explores these crucial aspects and provides actionable advice for couples navigating the aftermath of betrayal. Show Notes: Episode Highlights: Introduction to Hysterical Bonding: Understand the concept and emotional dynamics of hysterical bonding in the context of infidelity. Prevalence and Duration: Insights into how common hysterical bonding is and the factors influencing its intensity and duration. Behavioural Examples: Real-life examples of how hysterical bonding manifests in both betrayed and unfaithful spouses. Healthy vs. Unhealthy Hysterical Bonding: Learn to differentiate between constructive and destructive forms of hysterical bonding. Effective Strategies: Practical tips and strategies to manage hysterical bonding and foster genuine healing in your relationship. Key Question for Listeners: Reflect on your experiences and take actionable steps towards a healthier relationship. Key Takeaways: Hysterical bonding is a natural response to the trauma of infidelity, marked by an intense desire for physical or emotional closeness. It is relatively common and can vary in intensity and duration based on several factors, including the nature of the affair and individual personalities. Recognizing the signs of healthy and unhealthy hysterical bonding is crucial for ensuring that this phase supports rather than hinders healing. Implementing strategies like open communication, seeking professional help, and setting healthy boundaries can help manage hysterical bonding effectively. Engage with Us: Key Question: Have you or your partner ever experienced hysterical bonding after a crisis? How did it impact your relationship? Share your thoughts and experiences with us on social media using the hashtag #AfterTheAffairPodcast. Follow us on Instagram at https://instagram.com/mylifecoachluke for more insights and updates. Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe to "After the Affair" and leave us a review on your preferred podcast platform. Join the After the Affair Community at https://www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity Contact: For personalized support, visit https://www.lifecoachluke.com to learn more about our coaching services. Email us at luke@lifecoachluke.com with any questions or topic suggestions for future episodes. "Thank you for joining me on this episode of 'After the Affair.' Remember, understanding and addressing hysterical bonding is a crucial step towards healing and rebuilding a stronger, healthier relationship. Until next time, take care and stay strong." Luke

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' join me Luke Shillings, as I take a look into the fascinating world of polyamory to uncover valuable insights that can aid in healing from infidelity. Polyamorous relationships, known for their emphasis on open communication, emotional intelligence, and the unique concept of compersion, offer profound lessons for monogamous couples recovering from betrayal. Join Luke as he explores: The definition and history of polyamory Psychological perspectives on managing jealousy, fostering emotional intelligence, and cultivating self-awareness The impact of polyamory on traditional monogamous marriages Legal and ethical considerations surrounding polyamorous relationships Cultural narratives and media representations of polyamory Practical tools and strategies from polyamorous practices that can enhance trust and communication in any relationship Special Mention: A heartfelt thank you to everyone who has joined our Facebook group! Your support and engagement are invaluable. If you haven’t joined yet, search for 'After the Affair (with Luke Shillings)' on Facebook and become part of our community. https://www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity Key Takeaways: Emotional intelligence and self-awareness are crucial in managing complex relationship dynamics. Effective communication and regular check-ins can prevent misunderstandings and strengthen bonds. The concept of compersion can shift perspectives on jealousy and foster mutual happiness. Conflict resolution techniques from polyamorous practices can benefit any relationship. Tune in to discover how the principles of polyamory can help you rebuild trust and heal from infidelity. Resources Mentioned: Join our Facebook group: After the Affair Community Articles and books on polyamory and emotional intelligence Tools for effective communication and conflict resolution Subscribe & Follow: Don't forget to subscribe to 'After the Affair' on your favourite podcast platform and follow us on social media for more insights and support. Listener Interaction: We love hearing from you! Share your thoughts, questions, and stories with us at luke@lifecoachluke.com or in our Facebook group. Thank you for tuning in to 'After the Affair.' Remember, healing is a journey, and together, we can navigate the path to recovery. Until next time, take care and keep moving forward.

Why don't affairs last?Drawing on both research and personal experiences, join me, Luke Shillings as I discuss the psychological, emotional, and social factors that contribute to the inherent instability of relationships that begin as affairs. Allow me to unpack the foundations of trust, the escape mechanism, emotional tolls, and the broader impacts of secrecy and isolation that define and often doom such relationships. What You'll Learn: The Reality of Affairs: Understand the statistical likelihood of affairs turning into lasting relationships and why the odds are low. Trust Issues: Discover how the initial deceit in an affair can continue to affect trust even when the relationship comes into the open. Escapism and Consequences: Explore how affairs often serve as an escape from existing problems, which eventually resurface in the new relationship. Social and Emotional Isolation: Learn about the isolation that accompanies affairs and how it affects relationship dynamics. Emotional Costs: Consider the psychological and emotional strain that secrecy exerts on all parties involved in an affair. Paths to Healing: Gain insights into how understanding these factors can be a crucial step in the healing process for anyone impacted by infidelity. Episode Resources: Personalised 1:1 Coaching: I can help you build a future you can trust. Visit the website to learn more - www.lifecoachlukecom Additional Reading: Explore articles including: Why Do People Cheat? - https://www.lifecoachluke.com/post/why-do-people-cheat **JOIN the After the Affair Community here - > www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity Subscribe & Share: If you found this episode enlightening or think it could help someone you know, don't hesitate to subscribe for more deep dives into relationship dynamics and share this episode with others. Your support helps us reach and help more people through tough times. Connect with Me: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Social Media: Follow us on Facebook and Instagram @mylifecoachluke for updates, tips, and community discussions.

Ever feel like you're fumbling in the dark when it comes to relationships? You're not alone. Many of us never received a clear guide on how to manage and nurture our romantic partnerships. This episode of "After the Affair" serves as your missing manual to better understand the basics of romantic relationships. What You'll Learn: Communication Essentials: Discover the art of effective communication, from active listening to avoiding common pitfalls like assumptions and passive aggression. Setting Expectations and Boundaries: Learn how to set realistic expectations and healthy boundaries, the silent builders of strong relationships. Conflict Resolution: Get practical tips on handling disagreements constructively without losing your cool. Emotional Intelligence: Find out how to enhance your emotional intelligence to better understand and connect with your partner. Understanding Love Languages: Explore the five love languages and how recognising your partner’s primary language can transform your relationship. Maintaining Individuality: Uncover the importance of preserving your own identity and how it contributes to a healthier, more balanced partnership. Featured Segments: Why You Suck at Relationships: A candid look at the common areas where many of us falter in romantic relationships and why. Building Blocks of a Better Relationship: Step-by-step guide on mastering the foundational aspects that lead to a fulfilling and enduring relationship. Work with Luke: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact Luke: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair Mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe ---XX JOIN THE AFTER THE AFFAIR COMMUNITY XX--- --> www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity Let's catch up on socials: Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke

In this episode of "After the Affair," Caz Grant joins me to explore the intricacies of infidelity within the context of military life. We delve into how the unique challenges of the military lifestyle can impact personal relationships and communication, leading to profound isolation and unmet needs. Caz shares her personal journey through the aftermath of an affair, the painful but enlightening road to divorce, and the invaluable lessons learned about self-reflection and growth. Key Takeaways: Infidelity in Context: Infidelity often stems from unmet emotional needs and poor communication rather than a desire to hurt the partner.Impact of Military Lifestyle: The rigid structure and frequent relocations inherent in military life can exacerbate communication barriers and hinder the resolution of relationship issues.Communication Breakdown: Cultural norms within the military may discourage open emotional expression, contributing to relationship strains. Topics Covered: Military Lifestyle and Relationships: How the demands of military life can dominate personal relationships and hinder emotional connection.The Affair and Its Aftermath: The circumstances leading up to the affair, its discovery, and the subsequent communication breakthrough.Healing and Growth After Infidelity: Strategies for recovery and personal development post-infidelity, including the importance of understanding oneself and meeting one's own needs. Bio: Caz Grant, a RAF veteran, found love and got married amidst the challenges of military life. However, her transition from service into civilian life brought unexpected changes and the painful reality of her own infidelity. Now, Caz shares her story to offer support to other military couples facing similar struggles, hoping to shed light on the unique challenges they may encounter. Find @cazgrant84 on Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/cazgrant84/Work with Luke: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact Luke: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair Mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe ---XX JOIN THE AFTER THE AFFAIR COMMUNITY XX--- --> www.facebook.com/groups/aftertheaffaircommunity Let's catch up on socials: Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke   References in the episode: Region Beta Paradox - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Region-beta_paradox

In this introspective episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I take a closer look at the impact of our innermost thoughts on our relationships, especially in the context of infidelity. "Contemplating Infidelity" explores not just the actions that betray trust but the unseen thoughts that precede them. I examine the moral and emotional weight these thoughts carry, their influence on our relationships, and how understanding them can lead to deeper connection and healing. In This Episode, You Will Learn: The Nature of Thought in Relationships - How every action in a relationship begins as a thought, and the implications of this process. The Ethical Dimensions of Thoughts - A philosophical perspective on whether thoughts can carry the same moral weight as actions, particularly in terms of fidelity. The Impact of Unacted Thoughts - How unvoiced desires and considerations can influence relationship dynamics, often more than we realize. Transformative Power of Thoughts - Strategies for acknowledging, managing, and transforming thoughts to strengthen relationships and foster intimacy. Proactive Communication Techniques - Practical advice on creating a dialogue about needs and desires to prevent emotional distances before they start.   If today's topic resonated with you, consider sharing your thoughts with us through our social media channels or directly via email  luke@lifecoachluke.com  If you're navigating similar challenges in your relationships, remember, you're not alone, and discussing these thoughts is the first step toward reshaping them. Schedule your free discovery call here -> www.lifecoachluke.com Subscribe & Review: If you enjoyed this episode, please subscribe at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe and leave a review on whichever podcast platform you are listening on. Your feedback not only helps us improve but also helps others find us.

In this transformative episode of "After the Affair," hosted by me, Luke Shillings I take listeners on an enlightening journey, connecting the vast, expansive nature of the universe to the deeply personal path of growth after betrayal. Discover how embracing a growth mindset can lead you from the darkness of betrayal to the light of newfound strength and resilience. Join me as I explore the universal truths that guide us through our most challenging times, offering insights and strategies to help you navigate your journey of healing and growth. What You'll Learn: The Nature of Growth: How the concept of a growth mindset can transform your understanding of betrayal and recovery. Universal Parallels: Drawing parallels between the endless possibilities of the universe and our capacity for personal evolution. Navigating the Aftermath: Practical tips for applying a growth mindset to heal and grow stronger in the wake of betrayal.   Connect with us: Visit our website for more resources and episodes at https://www.lifecoachluke.com Subscribe to the After the Affair mailing list: https://www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Follow us on Instagram @mylifecoachluke for daily inspiration and updates. Join our supportive community on Facebook to connect with others on their healing journey. Special Note: If you or someone you know is struggling with the aftermath of betrayal, remember, you're not alone. This episode is more than just a conversation; it's a step towards understanding and empowerment. Let's explore the universal truths of growth together, finding strength in the vastness of our potential.

Join me Luke Shillings as I question the moral and emotional dilemma of whether to inform an affair partner's spouse about the infidelity. This is a deep dive episode where I explore the topic from both sides. Well worth a listen if I do say so myself! This complex topic is unpacked through personal stories and a thorough examination of the pros and cons of telling the AP's spouse. You will gain insight into the ramifications of such a decision, alternative healing paths, and how to move forward with integrity. Whether you're directly affected by infidelity or seeking to understand its impacts, this episode offers a compassionate, comprehensive look at a situation no one hopes to face, providing valuable perspectives for those wrestling with this difficult question. Join the After the Affair mailing list: https://www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Work with me: https://www.lifecoachluke.com Book a free discovery call today: https://api.leadconnectorhq.com/widget/bookings/talkwithluke   Articles referenced in the episode:  https://www.glamour.com/story/would-you-want-to-know-if-your https://www.abc.net.au/triplej/programs/the-sunday-hook-up/tell-someone-being-cheated-on-onliner/101749602

In this potentially uncomfortable episode of "After the Affair," join me Luke Shillings as I ask one of the most complex and emotionally charged questions faced by individuals navigating the aftermath of infidelity: Should I contact the affair partner? This episode unpacks the myriad of emotions, potential outcomes, and ethical considerations surrounding the decision to reach out to the person involved with your partner. I aim to guide listeners through the pros and cons of initiating contact, offering a balanced view on seeking closure, the quest for the unfiltered truth, and the need for personal healing. From the risk of reopening old wounds to the dangers of misdirected anger and unwanted complications, this episode sheds light on the intricate dynamics at play. With a focus on self-reflection, personal growth, and the importance of prioritising one's own healing journey, I provide invaluable insights and advice for those wrestling with this decision. Whether you're seeking closure, contemplating reconciliation, or striving for personal empowerment, "Should I Contact the Affair Partner?" is an essential listen. Join me as we explore the delicate balance between seeking answers and focusing on self-care, offering listeners the tools and perspectives needed to navigate this challenging aspect of infidelity recovery.Join the After the Affair mailing list: https://www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Work with me: https://www.lifecoachluke.com

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I, Luke Shillings, dive deep into the heart of healing after infidelity. We explore two unique approaches to navigating the complex emotions and challenges that arise in the wake of betrayal. Without getting into the specifics of personal stories, I share insights into how we can tackle the overwhelming feelings by breaking them down into manageable parts, as well as the power of focusing on other areas of life to build resilience before facing the tough stuff directly. I discuss the importance of understanding that healing isn't a one-size-fits-all journey and highlight the value of having a diverse set of strategies at your disposal. Whether you're directly confronting the aftermath of an affair or building up your strength through other facets of your life, this episode offers guidance and support for anyone on the path to recovery. Join me as we navigate the foggy forest of infidelity recovery, finding clarity and strength in the process. For those walking this difficult path, remember, you're not alone. With time, patience, and a lot of self-compassion, healing and growth are within reach. Tune in to discover how to make your journey through the aftermath of betrayal a little less daunting and a lot more hopeful.Work with me: www.lifecoachluke.com   Join the After the Affair mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

Dive deep into the heart of healing with 'A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home,' a poignant episode of the 'After the Affair' podcast. In this episode, I'll take you on a journey that parallels the beloved tale many of us are familiar with, artfully connecting this age-old adventure to the emotional landscape of recovering from betrayal. Explore the tumultuous whirlwind of emotions that follow infidelity, the shared struggles and solidarity found in the company of others on similar paths, and the daunting encounters with personal fears and doubts that challenge the journey toward healing.  'A Story of Betrayal: No Place Like Home' offers a unique perspective on finding the power within to rebuild trust, love, and peace after betrayal. This episode is crafted for those traversing the difficult terrain of emotional recovery, providing insights into the process of turning pain into strength and reclaiming a sense of self.  Whether you're seeking solace, understanding, or strategies for healing, this podcast episode is a beacon of hope, demonstrating that, indeed, there's no place like the home we find within ourselves after the storm. Tune in to begin your journey back to self, guided by the wisdom and empathy of those who've walked this path before.Work with me - www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me - luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join me, Luke Shillings, whilst I unpick the intricate dance between people-pleasing tendencies and the aftermath of infidelity. I offer a deep dive into how our fears and insecurities can shape our perception of our partners, leading us to create imaginary versions of them that fuel our self-judgment and people-pleasing behaviours. This episode shines a light on the intensified patterns of self-doubt and narrative crafting that emerge when infidelity shatters the relationship, challenging you to reflect on the authenticity of your actions in the quest for healing. I carefully unpack the complexities of responding to betrayal, highlighting the risk of losing oneself in the desperate attempt to 'fix' the relationship or to become what we perceive as 'enough' to prevent future indiscretions. Through examples, I illustrate how individuals might misinterpret their partner's actions and attribute them to personal flaws, thereby overlooking the multifaceted reasons behind infidelity. Offering an alternative perspective, I encourage you to differentiate between genuine healing actions and those driven by a need for approval. This episode is a call to embrace our vulnerabilities, confront the reality of our situations, and ultimately, find a path to healing that honours our self-worth and authenticity. Join me in "After the Affair" for an insightful exploration of self-discovery, forgiveness, and the journey towards rebuilding after betrayal.Want to work with me? visit www.lifecoachluke.com Join the mailing list at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

Join host Luke Shillings on 'After the Affair' for an enlightening Episode 76, featuring the renowned counsellor and relationship expert David Essel. Dive into a conversation about personal healing, overcoming the victim mindset, and the path to meaningful relationships. David shares the necessity of addressing past resentments through therapy before embarking on new connections, and the importance of self-love and inner peace as the foundation for partnership. Uncover the detrimental effects of labeling in relationships and learn from David's personal journey of breaking societal expectations. Experience a candid discussion on the complexities of infidelity, betrayal, and the transformative power of forgiveness and open communication. David's advice on intimacy in long-term relationships and combating addiction with conversation offers invaluable insights for anyone seeking to improve their love life. Discover how understanding your partner's love language can prevent dissatisfaction and infidelity. Reflect on David's diverse background in sports psychology, mental health, and his struggles that propelled him to success. Draw inspiration from David’s and Luke's exploration of introversion, overstimulation in society, and the impact of extreme media voices on our lives. Don't miss this episode full of strategies for triumphing over adversity, rekindling passion, and embracing honesty in relationships. Visit our website for free resources and special offerings as mentioned by David Essel in this must-listen episode of 'After the Affair'.Learn more about David: www.davidessel.com or find him on Instagram @david_essel To learn more about working with me, check out www.lifecoachluke.com and be sure to subscribe to the After the Affair mailing list at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

In this compelling continuation of our journey through healing, "8 Steps to Healing: Part 2 - Rebuilding and Renewal" takes us deeper into the transformative process of recovery from infidelity. Building on the foundational steps of Clarity, Belief, Forgiveness, and Growth discussed in Part 1, this episode explores the latter stages of the healing journey, where we begin to reconstruct our lives and visions for the future. Step 5: Rebuilding Trust Trust is the foundation of all relationships, including the one we have with ourselves. In this step, we delve into the intricate process of rebuilding trust, highlighting strategies for fostering a sense of security and reliability in our relationships and within ourselves. Step 6: Vision With a foundation of trust in place, we turn our gaze forward, crafting a vision for our lives post-betrayal. This step is about dreaming again, setting goals, and aligning our future with our deepest values and desires. Step 7: Connection Healing is not a journey to be walked alone. In this step, I emphasise the importance of connection—building and nurturing supportive relationships that uplift and sustain us through our healing process. Step 8: Celebration Every step forward on this journey is a victory, and in this final step, we learn the importance of celebrating our progress. Recognising and honouring our achievements, no matter how small, fuels our continued growth and resilience. This episode is not just a continuation but a deepening of your commitment to healing and growth. Whether you're rebuilding a relationship, forging new ones, or discovering a renewed sense of self, these steps offer a guide toward a future filled with hope, purpose, and joy. If you're ready to take these next steps on your healing journey, join me as we explore the paths of rebuilding, envisioning, connecting, and celebrating the life you deserve. Work with Luke: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact Luke: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

In this first part of a two-episode series, I begin outlining the 8 steps I took to heal from betrayal and then dive deeper in to the first four crucial steps to recovery. With personal insights and practical advice, I aim to guide you through the process of gaining Clarity, establishing Belief, embracing Forgiveness, and fostering Growth. This episode is an essential listen for anyone navigating the aftermath of betrayal, offering a roadmap to understanding, healing, and ultimately, empowerment. Clarity: Uncover the importance of seeing through the fog of emotional turmoil to understand the reality of your situation and what truly matters to you. Belief: Learn how to rebuild your shattered self-esteem and confidence, affirming your worth and cultivating a belief in a brighter future. Forgiveness: Explore the complex journey towards forgiving yourself and, potentially, your partner, understanding that forgiveness is a crucial step towards personal peace. Growth: Discover how the painful experience of infidelity can be a catalyst for significant personal growth, offering insights into yourself and your relationships. Join me as I not only draw from my professional expertise but also open up about my own journey and the wisdom I've gained along the way. I aim to offer a compassionate and insightful guide for anyone seeking to heal and grow from the pain of betrayal.Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com Subscribe here: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this week's episode of "After the Affair," with infidelity recovery expert, Luke Shillings. He dives deep into the heart of relational conflicts, exploring the profound impact of empathy and understanding. With his signature warmth and relatability, Luke shares insights into how our unique life stories shape our perspectives, often leading to misunderstandings in our closest relationships. Drawing on personal anecdotes and a down-to-earth approach, he challenges listeners to adopt an "empathy-first" mindset, offering practical tips for turning everyday disagreements into opportunities for deeper connection. Whether you're navigating the complexities of infidelity recovery or simply seeking to strengthen your bonds, this episode is a heartfelt invitation to view conflicts through a new lens. Join Luke on this journey of healing and discovery, and take the first step towards transforming your relationships one empathetic conversation at a time. Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact Luke: luke@lifecoachluke.com Keep up to date: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

In this heartfelt episode, I sit down with the renowned Breakup Coach, Dorothy AB Johnson, to tackle one of the most challenging journeys one can face: getting over an ex after infidelity. Dorothy, with her compassionate approach and expertise, shares invaluable insights and practical strategies for healing and moving forward. We delve into the complexities of betrayal, understanding the identity change experienced and the challenging concepts of desire and attachment in the aftermath of infidelity.  Whether you're in the midst of navigating your own path to recovery or seeking to support someone who is, this episode offers a beacon of hope and a roadmap for reclaiming one's strength and sense of self. Learn more about Dorothy: 5 day how to get over your ex training! (Feb 12-15): https://dorothyabjohnson.com/5daylivetraining Instagram: @breakupcoachdorothyTikTok: Breakup Coach DorothyThe How to Get Over Your Ex podcast: https://dorothyabjohnson.com/howtogetoveryourexpodcast/ Learn more about me: Instagram: @mylifecoachluke TikTok: @mylifecoachluke Website: www.lifecoachluke.com

In this insightful episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the complex interplay between forgiveness and reconciliation in the aftermath of infidelity. Drawing from my personal journey and professional expertise as a relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I explore whether forgiveness is an essential component for true reconciliation or if it's possible to find peace and understanding without it. Join me as we examine the nuances of rebuilding trust, the personal nature of forgiveness, and the various paths to healing and renewal post-betrayal. Whether you're navigating your own recovery process or supporting someone through theirs, this episode offers valuable perspectives on forgiveness, acceptance, and the transformative power of personal growth. Tune in to "Is Forgiveness Necessary? Can You Reconcile Without It?" for a deep dive into the heart of recovery and the potential for renewal in the wake of pain. Discover actionable insights and compassionate guidance for anyone seeking clarity and strength on their journey towards healing. Learn more: www.lifecoachluke.com Reach out to luke@lifecoachluke.com Subscribe for more at www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

In this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair,' host Luke Shillings delves into the surprising parallels between Isaac Newton's Third Law of Motion and conflict dynamics in relationships. Entitled 'The 3rd Law of Conflict: Can Isaac Newton Help us Heal?', this episode explores the concept that every action in a relationship, especially during conflicts, tends to invoke an equal and opposite reaction. As a seasoned relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, I examine how the principles of physics can shed light on why disagreements often escalate and how understanding this can pave the way for more constructive communication and conflict resolution. Drawing on my personal experiences and professional insights, I discuss how the 'push and pull' in heated arguments mirrors Newton's famous law, leading to a stalemate rather than progress. This episode is not just about relationship advice; it's a deep dive into human psychology and behaviour. I also touch upon the idea that relationships are fundamentally about one's thoughts about another person, adding a unique angle to the discussion. Whether you're navigating the aftermath of infidelity, looking to improve your relationship dynamics, or simply intrigued by the intersection of physics and human relationships, this episode offers valuable perspectives. Join me as I guide you through these complex dynamics with insightful tips, out-of-the-box thinking, and practical advice for healing and personal growth. Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Slide under the covers with me in this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair', where I get intimate with the intricacies of reigniting the spark after infidelity. I, Luke Shillings, team up with the ever-insightful sex guru, Lee-ann Cordingley, to untangle the sometimes knotty, always vital subject of rediscovering sexual chemistry following a betrayal. It's not just about getting back in the saddle; it's about enjoying the ride and finding deeper connections along the way. In "Intimacy After Infidelity: Under the Sheets with Sex Expert, Lee-ann Cordingley," we address the challenges and triumphs couples face in their journey towards sexual healing. Discover practical advice, psychological insights, and compassionate strategies to navigate the delicate balance between emotional healing and physical intimacy. Lee-ann brings her extensive knowledge in sexual psychology, providing listeners with a unique perspective on how to regain trust, foster emotional intimacy, and reignite passion in the bedroom. This episode is not just about the act of sex, but about understanding the deep emotional undercurrents that influence physical connections after an affair. Whether you're a betrayed partner seeking guidance or simply interested in the dynamics of relationships and sexuality, this episode offers valuable lessons in love, trust, and the art of intimate communication. Listen now to transform your understanding of intimacy and empower your journey towards a fulfilling sexual relationship after infidelity. Connect with Lee-ann:Website: www.leeanncordingley.co.uk/ LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/leeanncordingley Instagram: www.instagram.com/leeanncordingley Threads: www.threads.net/@leeanncordingley TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@leeanncordingley   Connect with me:   Learn more at: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me directly at: luke@lifecoachluke.com Follow me on the gram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke

Join me, Luke Shillings in this eye-opening episode of the After the Affair podcast. Dive deep into the complexities of how betrayal in relationships clashes with our inherent human reward system. This episode explores the psychological underpinnings of trust and the profound impact of its breach, drawing connections to our natural drive for rewards and aversion to discomfort. Discover why betrayal feels so intensely painful and learn how this relates to the fundamental workings of our brain's reward system, as previously discussed in the episode on The Motivational Triad. I aim to provide insightful analysis and empathetic understanding, making complex psychological concepts accessible and relevant to everyday experiences. The discussion then transitions into practical, actionable strategies for healing and rebuilding trust post-betrayal. Learn how to reorient your reward system, find internal sources of validation, and embrace new pathways to joy and fulfillment. The After the Affair podcast continues to offer supportive tips, innovative perspectives, and effective concepts for navigating the emotional terrain of infidelity recovery. Whether you're dealing with the aftermath of betrayal or simply interested in the psychological aspects of trust and reward, this episode is a must-listen. Tune in to begin your journey towards empowerment and healing in the wake of betrayal.   Find out more here: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact Luke directly here: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the After the Affair mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

In "Facing Failure after Infidelity: Shifting the Narrative," Join me Luke Shillings as I explore the transformative journey of redefining failure in relationships post-infidelity. This episode delves into the emotional stages of recovery, the power of effective communication, and turning painful experiences into opportunities for growth. I invite you to reframe your perspective on setbacks, embrace self-compassion, and find strength in your healing journey. Join me for an insightful exploration of resilience and renewal in the aftermath of betrayal.   www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe luke@lifecoachluke.com

Welcome to a Special Year-End Episode of 'After the Affair' Podcast Join me, Luke Shillings, as I embark on a reflective journey through 2023, revisiting key themes and episodes that have guided us in understanding infidelity, healing from betrayal, and building resilience. This episode not only serves as a powerful summary of the year but also offers encouragement and hope as we step into 2024. In This Episode: The Journey of 2023: Revisiting episodes like 'The Motivational Triad,' 'Confidence after Infidelity,' and 'Why People Cheat.' A comprehensive look at the complex emotions and challenges faced in the aftermath of infidelity. The Holiday Season: A special message to those feeling the magnified impact of their situations during the festive season. Understanding, empathy, and support for navigating emotional challenges during holidays. Looking Forward to 2024: Inspirational thoughts and positive messages for the upcoming year. Embracing hope, healing, and the continued journey of personal growth. Interactive Reflection Activity: An invitation for listeners to engage in a meaningful activity, reflecting on the past year's episodes and the personal significance they hold. Featured Episodes and Topics: Infidelity and Healing: Explore episodes addressing the healing process, understanding the reasons behind cheating, and rebuilding self-worth. Expert Interviews: Insights from David Redbord, Nicole Harvick, Diana Maria Indries, and more on topics ranging from forgiveness to self-awareness. Personal Growth: Discussions on overcoming jealousy, people-pleasing, and breaking free from negative thought patterns. About Your Host, Luke Shillings: "Luke Shillings is a certified relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery. This podcast, 'After the Affair,' draws on his personal experiences and professional expertise, offering a unique blend of advice, support, and real-life stories to help listeners navigate the complexities of relationships and personal growth." Connect with Me: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Subscribe: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Social Media: @mylifecoachluke (Insta/FB)

"Choice or Obligation: Should I Stay or Leave After the Affair?" explores the heart-wrenching decision-making process in the aftermath of infidelity. Hosted by relationship coach Luke Shillings, this episode delves deep into the emotional turmoil faced by both betrayed and unfaithful partners. Are you feeling like every part of you is saying you should leave, yet you feel obligated to stay? You are not alone! Or perhaps you want to stay, but external messages from friends and family leave you feeling like you 'should' leave?  Featuring real-life stories, the episode provides a nuanced perspective on the complex dynamics of post-affair relationships. Discover psychological insights, practical advice, and strategies for self-care and healing. Whether you're grappling with the aftermath of an affair or seeking to understand these challenging dynamics, this episode offers guidance, empathy, and a path towards clarity and empowerment.   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

We begin by exploring the importance of recognizing what's within our control and what isn't. This crucial step sets the foundation for healing, helping us to focus our energy where it can truly make a difference. Join me, Luke Shillings, as I delve into the transformative journey of healing from infidelity and the ways in which my healing helped me in other areas. Drawing from my personal experience, I unravel the complexities of this challenging yet rewarding path. I share the power of journaling—a tool that not only served as a vessel for my thoughts and emotions but also as a mirror reflecting my inner world. Through journaling, I discovered the intricate connections between thoughts, feelings, and behaviours. I share insights on finding the right resources—a blend of personal support and professional guidance—that can act as beacons of light in our darkest times. An essential part of this journey is understanding that our thoughts create our feelings. This episode breaks down this concept with simplicity and clarity, providing practical steps to harness this understanding for emotional healing. I also take you through my process of exploring and accepting emotions, a path that led me to profound self-awareness and growth. To bring these concepts to life, I include relatable analogies and a personal anecdote, illustrating how the methods I used in recovering from infidelity also empowered me in another significant area of my life. Join me in this episode of 'After the Affair' as we navigate the path of healing from infidelity, finding strength, and rediscovering ourselves in the process. This episode isn’t just about recovering from betrayal; it's about emerging stronger, more aware, and more connected with our true selves.   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

Join me Luke Shillings in this thought-provoking episode of 'After the Affair', titled "What If It Was Me? Self-Reflection in the Wake of Betrayal." This episode delves deep into the introspective journey of understanding your own role in relationship dynamics, especially in the context of infidelity and betrayal. In this episode, we explore the challenging yet essential process of self-reflection following an affair. Join me as I guide listeners through a series of insightful discussions and personal stories, focusing on how individuals can learn and grow from their experiences in relationships marked by infidelity. Discover the importance of self-awareness, communication, and personal growth post-betrayal. Learn how to approach introspection with compassion and how it can lead to profound personal development and stronger future relationships. Tune in to this compelling episode of 'After the Affair' and embark on a journey of self-discovery and healing. Don't forget to subscribe for more insightful episodes on navigating the complexities of relationships and personal growth.   Learn more: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com Join the weekly mailing list here: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

In this enlightening episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I talk about 'Thought Addiction', something that many individuals face post-betrayal. Discover how repetitive, negative thought patterns can take hold and how you can break free from this mental trap to find healing and empowerment. Join me as I explore the thinking behind why betrayed partners might experience obsessive thoughts like "Why did this happen to me?" or "I am not good enough," and how these thoughts impact the healing process.  Whether you're struggling to move past the hurt of betrayal or seeking to support someone in their journey, this episode offers a compassionate, in-depth look at the mental aftermath of infidelity. Gain practical tips and empowering perspectives that can help you navigate through the complexities of rebuilding trust in yourself and envisioning a positive future. Tune in to "After the Affair" for an episode that promises to be both informative and transformative, shedding light on a crucial aspect of recovery that is often overlooked.   Subscribe today and join us on this journey of healing, understanding, and personal resilience.   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Join the mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Contact me: luke@lifecoachluke.com

"Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?" Join me Luke Shillings as I challenge this oversimplified notion, bringing a nuanced perspective to the complex issue of infidelity and personal transformation. We begin by examining the human tendency to overgeneralise based on singular events to illustrate how our perceptions of likelihood and recurrence are often skewed. This sets the stage for an in-depth exploration of the multifaceted nature of cheating. I break down the myth, questioning the fairness and accuracy of labelling someone for life based on one action. What about the psychological underpinnings of infidelity? How do unmet emotional needs, past experiences, and situational factors contribute to the decision to cheat. Can we turn the narrative on its head, presenting infidelity as an anomaly rather than a norm?  I invite you to reflect on the nuances of your situation. Is infidelity in your relationship an anomaly or a norm? What does the path to healing and trust rebuilding look like for you? This episode is not just a discussion but an invitation to introspection and understanding the potential for growth in the wake of betrayal. Join us on 'After the Affair' as we navigate the complexities of infidelity, challenge prevailing myths, and offer a beacon of hope for those seeking to rebuild trust and find healing after heartbreak. Join the mailing list: www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Contact me directly: luke@lifecoachluke.com Everything else: www.lifecoachluke.com

Join me in this enlightening episode of "After the Affair, where I delve into the often-overlooked phenomenon of self-gaslighting following infidelity. Hosted by myself, relationship & infidelity recovery coach Luke Shillings, this episode explores the subtle yet profound ways individuals unknowingly gaslight themselves after experiencing betrayal in a relationship. Discover the insidious nature of self-gaslighting, where victims of infidelity question their own reality, emotions, and sanity. I'll draw from my personal journey and professional expertise in infidelity recovery, and provide insightful analysis and an empathetic understanding of this psychological predicament. Key highlights of this episode include: Defining Self-Gaslighting: Unravel the concept of self-gaslighting and its impact on individuals grappling with the aftermath of betrayal. Personal Stories: I share my own experiences and those of clients, offering real-life examples of self-gaslighting in action. Expert Insights: Gain valuable perspectives on recognizing and overcoming this form of self-deception. Practical Strategies: Learn effective techniques to combat self-gaslighting, rebuild self-trust, and foster emotional healing. Whether you're a betrayed partner seeking guidance, a relationship enthusiast, or simply interested in human psychology, "The Inner Betrayer: Gaslighting with a Mirror" offers a deep dive into understanding and healing from the internal conflicts post-betrayal. Tune in for an episode filled with compassion, wisdom, and empowering advice to navigate the complexities of infidelity recovery.Not taken the Trust-Score quiz yet? Get you free detailed report today. Find out more here -> www.lifecoachluke.com/trustscore   Want to share your story on a future episode? Have some useful insights from your own journey? Are you a professional who can offer an alternative insight? Let me know at luke@lifecoachluke.com

Explore the complex journey of rebuilding trust after the pain of infidelity in this insightful episode of 'After the Affair'. Join Luke Shillings, a dedicated relationship coach and podcast host, as he delves into one of the most challenging questions faced by those who have experienced betrayal: Can trust truly be restored? In "Trust After Betrayal: Is There Hope?", Join me as I provide not only a compassionate look into the emotional upheaval following infidelity but also share out-of-the-box examples and practical guidance for those seeking to mend the fractures in their relationships. This second episode focused specifically on Trust, offers a beacon of hope to individuals questioning the possibility of regaining trust and security in their partnerships. Listeners will be equipped with actionable tools and transformative concepts that aid in self-reflection and trust-building. Whether you are directly affected by betrayal or supporting someone through their journey, this episode serves as a crucial resource for understanding the nuanced healing process and the potential for forging stronger bonds in the wake of adversity. Tune in to find out how to navigate the nuances of trust after betrayal and learn if there's a light at the end of this tunnel.Looking for the link to the Trust Quiz mentioned in this week's episode - Here it is, enjoy! www.lifecoachluke.com/trustscore   Have any questions or suggestions for a future episode? Perhaps you think you would be a great guest ... contact me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' Join me Luke Shillings as I delve into the profound connection between attachment styles and infidelity. Discover how being Anxiously Attached, Avoidantly Attached, or Fearful-Avoidant can influence the likelihood and aftermath of cheating in a relationship. Whether you're healing from betrayal or looking to safeguard your partnership, this episode offers invaluable insights tailored to your emotional makeup. Learn how to navigate recovery based on your attachment style and even how to prevent infidelity through self-awareness and targeted emotional strategies. Tune in for expert advice on creating a more secure, resilient relationship. Don't miss this essential guide to understanding the psychology of infidelity through the lens of attachment theory.   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke TikTok: @mylifecoachluke Discovery Call: www.lifecoachluke.com/booking-calendar/discovery-call Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Welcome to the 'After the Affair' podcast trailer, your essential introduction to the gripping world of infidelity recovery and relationship rebuilding. Hosted by Luke Shillings, a certified relationship coach specialising in infidelity recovery, this podcast is your haven for navigating the turbulent waters of betrayal. Whether you're struggling with the aftermath of an affair or searching for a deeper understanding of the complexities involved, the episodes dig deep into topics like 'The Cheater's Mindset,' 'The Role of Self-Awareness,' and even the controversial question—Can infidelity strengthen a relationship? From attachment theory to societal pressures, from emotional fallout to empowered healing - each episode is a stepping stone on your journey toward recovery or enlightenment. Don't miss the deep dives, expert interviews, and invaluable insights that have helped thousands to heal, understand, and thrive. Subscribe now and hit that notification bell to become a part of this rapidly growing community of survivors, healers, and seekers. Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke TikTok: @mylifecoachluke

In this episode of "After the Affair," Join me Luke Shillings as I sit down with guest Yasmin Majid as she shares her powerful story of love, resilience, and personal growth. Yasmin discusses her experience navigating a multicultural upbringing, her marriage of 23 years, and the unexpected revelations that led to its end. She opens up about the lessons she learned from her divorce, her journey of healing from domestic abuse, and her pursuit of self-improvement. Join Luke and Yasmin as they delve into the importance of unconditional love, understanding, and reframing setbacks as opportunities for personal transformation.Find Yasmin at https://www.instagram.com/wellbeingwithyasmin/ Contact her directly: wellbeingwithyasmin@gmail.com Learn more about working with me at www.lifecoachluke.com Learn your Trust score now at www.lifecoachluke.com/trust

In this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair,' I explore the challenging middle ground of the healing journey - affectionately coined as "Humping After the Affair." Don't let the cheeky title fool you; we're delving deep into that frustrating plateau where you feel stuck between the pain of the past and the uncertainty of the future. You've made some progress, but why does it seem like you're just going through the motions? Join me, Luke Shillings as I break down the psychology behind this stagnant phase. I discuss how to avoid the pitfalls of self-judgement, and offer actionable tips for getting your recovery back on track. Whether you're in the middle of your own recovery journey or supporting someone who is, this episode promises valuable insights to help you get over that hump. Tune in and rediscover the momentum you need to move forward.Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com Get your Trust-score result here - www.lifecoachluke.com/trust

In this episode of 'After the Affair,' I take a look at the societal pressures that shape how we cope, react, and even move forward. While the emotional toll of betrayal is a weighty topic by itself, the expectations from friends, family, and even complete strangers can add an invisible weight that often goes unspoken. I explore the history of societal norms surrounding betrayal, how media influences our perceptions, and the varying expectations set by gender, culture, and even social media platforms. I also break down the roles of friends and family in shaping the path of recovery, often in ways they might not even realize. This episode offers a multi-dimensional look at the societal pressures complicating the already intricate process of healing from betrayal. Whether you're a betrayed partner, a wayward spouse, or just someone looking to understand the intricacies of human relationships, this episode provides a fresh perspective you won't want to miss.  Discover Your Relationship's Trust Type after Betrayal!  I wanted to share something I've been working on — the "Relationship Trust Type" Quiz. This is a unique tool I’ve designed based on my experience as an infidelity recovery coach to offer some vital insights into the trust dynamics in your relationship, especially as you’re navigating through the aftermath of an affair.  Why Take The Quiz? Gain a deeper understanding of the trust you and your partner share. Identify potential areas for improvement and healing. Receive tailored advice for your specific trust type, to guide you in your recovery journey.  How Does It Work?  Take the Quiz: It takes about 3 minutes! Get Your Trust Type: Learn whether your trust is Conditional, Self-Anchored, Earned, Optimistic, or Distrust. Receive Your Trust Report: Get actionable advice tailored to your results, guiding you on what to focus on to rebuild and strengthen your relationship. The insights you'll gain from this quiz can act as a foundation for constructive conversations with your partner and could be a step towards rebuilding trust.  Click Here To Take The Quiz! https://luke-mxnfloxs.scoreapp.com

In this episode of "After the Affair," host Luke Shillings interviews Charlotte Tweed, a family divorce solicitor, about her personal experience with divorce and infidelity. Charlotte shares her own story of growing up as a third-party observer of her parents' relationship breakdown and how it influenced her career choice. She also provides valuable insights and professional advice for individuals navigating divorce proceedings in the aftermath of betrayal.   You can get in touch with Charlotte and the team at Pepperell's:www.pepperells.com www.facebook.com/pepperellssolicitors www.instagram.com/pepperells If you are enjoying these episodes but still finding the implementation a challenge? Let's talk ... you can contact me through the website - www.lifecoachluke.com or email me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this eye-opening episode of 'After the Affair,' join me Luke Shillings, as I identify the key elements of a Doomed Relationship ... What to look out for and what to do about it, plus the aching question, When is it time to walk away?I kick off by identifying the red flags that could signal a doomed relationship—warning signs that you can't afford to ignore.  But understanding the symptoms is just the first step; I also peel back the layers of psychology that drive these problematic behaviors. From personal responsibility to cognitive dissonance, I unpack the mental and emotional mechanisms that can lead to a relationship’s downfall.  The episode doesn't stop at identification and understanding; it offers actionable steps to take when faced with these red flags. Whether that involves professional help or personal reflection, you'll come away with concrete advice for navigating troubled waters. And finally, I tackle the heart-wrenching question: When is it time to walk away? Not all relationships can or should be saved. Sometimes, the most loving act is to let go. Learn how to recognise when that time has come, and what steps to take if it has. Don't miss this comprehensive guide to recognising, understanding, and addressing the signs of a relationship in jeopardy. If you're in a relationship or know someone who is, this episode is an essential listen. Enjoyed this episode? It'd be amazing if you could leave a review or rate the episode.Want to hear about something specific? Let me know ... reach out at luke@lifecoachluke.com Visit www.lifecoachluke.com to learn more about the On Purpose Coaching Program

Are you carrying the heavy burden of guilt after discovering your partner's affair, wondering why you didn't act sooner on those red flags?  In this eye-opening episode, I look into the emotional turmoil known as 'Inaction Guilt,' dispelling the myth that you're to blame for their betrayal. Learn how to navigate these complicated feelings and why it's crucial to free yourself from the guilt trap for a healthier emotional future. To learn more about working with me:Visit: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me directly: luke@lifecoachluke.com Follow me on Social media: Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke

Joining us today is my guest, Ben Pugh, who during the course of conversations shares his background and insights on how parents can better support their children during their teenage years, amidst the changes caused by infidelity. We discuss how modifying our own behaviours can create a positive experience for ourselves and in turn, influence our children's behaviour. In our conversation, we'll delve into the concept of identity, cherishing positive experiences, and not allowing negative ones to define us. We'll also discuss the challenges of managing emotions as parents, reflecting on our own childhood experiences, and breaking the cycle of negative behaviour. Tune in to learn more. Guest details: Ben Pugh IMPACT: Parenting with Perspective https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/impact-parenting-with-perspective/id1523428934   Here's a link to a free relationship tune up benpughcoaching.com/relationship   And, here's my website. benpughcoaching.com   More about me:www.lifecoachluke.com luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this 50th episode of "After the Affair," I take a look at the complexities of reentering the dating scene after experiencing betrayal. It's uncharted territory for many, laden with emotional landmines and haunting questions about trust. But as your host, Luke Shillings, I'll guide you through this daunting yet crucial phase in your healing journey.  We kick off the episode by exploring how to navigate the world of dating with a fresh perspective on trust, urging you to exercise your "trust muscle" without the burden of past relationships. We then discuss the often overlooked but vital aspect of timing, outlining how you can recognize when you're truly ready to seek a new partner without rushing the healing process. Lastly, I equip you with the toolkit you need to identify red flags and establish clear boundaries in your future relationships. If you're struggling with the question of 'when' and 'how' to start dating after betrayal, this episode is your bootcamp guide to finding love again, but more importantly, rediscovering the love you have for yourself. Join me in this milestone episode as we unlock the strategies to rebuild trust, set healthy boundaries, and ultimately, prepare you for a fulfilling, respectful relationship in the future.Want to learn more about how I can help? Visit www.lifecoachluke.com or contact me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com

In today's episode of 'After the Affair,' I uncover the often unspoken but pervasive issue that many betrayed partners grapple with: the Victim Mentality. Feeling like a victim is an easy trap to fall into after experiencing betrayal, but it's also a trap that can hinder your recovery and personal growth. Join me as I unravel: 1️⃣ The Danger of Victim Mentality: Understand how adopting a victim mindset can hold you back from healing and growing. 2️⃣ Empowerment through Narrative Control: Learn to reclaim your story, shifting your identity from a victim to a survivor, and possibly even a thriver. 3️⃣ Techniques to Overcome Victim Mentality: From challenging self-defeating thoughts to embracing the power of gratitude, discover actionable strategies that can significantly shift your mindset. 🔑 Key Insight: The episode centres around a provocative but liberating idea—"Being a victim is voluntary." While you didn't choose to be betrayed, you have a choice in how you approach your healing and future. Whether you're just beginning your recovery journey or looking to break free from lingering limitations, this episode offers a wealth of insights and practical takeaways that you can implement today. Let's unchain our minds and reclaim our lives, one step at a time.   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Email: luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this episode of "After the Affair," host I am joined by guest Faust Ruggiero to discuss the importance of accountability and personal growth after a breakup. We delve into the complexities of relationships, infidelity, and the impact on our sense of identity. Join us as we explore practical strategies for moving forward and finding internal strength to create a fulfilling and empowered life. Faust A. Ruggiero’s professional career spans almost 40 years, and is diversified and compelling, as it has consistently established new and exciting cutting-edge counseling programs in its pursuit of professional excellence and personal life enhancement. He is a published research author, clinical trainer, and a therapist who has worked in settings that have included clinics for deaf children, prisons, nursing homes, substance abuse centers, inpatient facilities, major corporations, both national and international, and as the President of the Community Psychological Center in Bangor, Pennsylvania. In that capacity, he developed the Process Way of Life counseling program, and has developed it into a formal text presented in the Fix Yourself Handbook.In the summer of 2016, Mr. Ruggiero decided to develop the Process Life Program into a text that can be published, and would help people in need address the difficult situations that are affecting their lives. The Fix Yourself Handbook was completed in December of 2019. On February 1st, 2020, The Fix Yourself Handbook received the Silver Award from The Nonfiction Authors Association. On May 2, 2020, it received the Gold Award from Literary Titan. On September 1st, 2020, it received the Bronze Award from Reader's Favorite. He has appeared on television and radio shows, and podcasts discussing the Process Way of Life presented in The Fix Yourself Handbook both nationally and internationally. His radio show "Fix It With Faust" debuted in June of 2021, and The Fix Yourself Handbook II; The Journey Continues is currently in development.   Want to reach out to me directly? Send me a message on social media and drop me an email at luke@lifecoachluke.com   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke TikTok: @mylifecoachluke Discovery Call: www.lifecoachluke.com/booking-calendar/discovery-call Podcast: www.lifecoachluke.com/podcast Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/24Mxm7BItKT4xAz2Psfyh8?si=7dcc4d546d984c41 Apple Podcasts: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/after-the-affair/id1648061200 Linktree: https://linktr.ee/lifecoachluke

In this episode, I try to get a better understanding of those who cheat and how it affects the healing process after betrayal. Join me Luke Shillings as I uncover the emotions, justifications, and pain behind acts of infidelity. I dive into the mindset of the cheater, exploring the grey areas that often go overlooked. Remember, understanding does not equate to condoning, but it opens the door to authentic conversation, reconciliation, or closure. So, let's go beyond the surface and uncover the multidimensionality of those who have been betrayed and the powerful role empathy plays in their journey towards growth and change. Listen in for an episode that challenges our preconceptions and offers a path towards healing. Welcome to "After the Affair." Got a question?  Let me know at luke@lifecoachluke.com   Learn more at: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com   Find me on socials at: Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke TikTok: @mylifecoachluke

In this episode of After the Affair, join me Luke Shillings as I welcome divorce and custody attorney Heather O'Connor to share her personal journey and professional expertise. Heather discusses the challenges and emotional complexities of divorce, highlighting the importance of seeking guidance and support during this difficult process. She shares personal experiences, provides practical advice, and encourages listeners to prioritize their own happiness and well-being. Heather's inspiring story of resilience and determination will leave you feeling empowered and ready to navigate the aftermath of an affair. Tune in to gain valuable insights and tools for moving forward in your own journey of healing and growth.   You can find out more about Heather and O'Connor Family Law below: Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/oconnorfamilylaw/ TikTik: https://www.tiktok.com/@oconnorfamilylaw?is_from_webapp=1&sender_device=pc YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@oconnorfamilylaw Everything else: https://linktr.ee/OCFL   To find out more about the On Purpose Coaching Program, visit - www.lifecoachluke.com To contact me directly - luke@lifecoachluke.com

Stuck with the stench of your ex's lover? In this controversial episode of 'After the Affair,' I dive into the dirty laundry and explore how to cleanse your life of the lingering presence of the affair partner. Join me, Luke Shillings, as I share my story, tools and strategies to air out the fallout and reclaim your space, your peace, and your life.   Let's go! Website: https://www.lifecoachluke.com Contact: luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this episode of After the Affair, I'm joined by Jennifer Jehl. Jenn helps men create next-level confidence by discovering their deepest selves in order to live with freedom & fulfilment. She addresses the self-blame that many men experience after an affair. We speak about the impact of significant life changes on their sense of identity as husbands, family men, and fathers. Jenn shares her insights on the need for men to be physically strong and healthy while emphasizing the importance of self-control and emotional intelligence. She highlights the detrimental effects of societal pressure and the lack of strong male role models in children's lives. We discuss the imbalance in personal lives that successful men often face and the importance of discovering a purpose and creating a new vision for life.  She shares her journey of overcoming a toxic relationship, and how it led her to self-discovery and helping others. We also explore the idea of being dangerous but controlled and discuss the difficulties in defining this concept without proper guidance. Join us on this thought-provoking episode as we dive into the complexities of masculinity, emotional intelligence, and finding purpose after betrayal on After the Affair. To learn more about Jennifer and the work she does:LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/jennifer-jehl-7a0379211 Facebook: @jenniferdjehl https://www.facebook.com/jenniferdjehl Instagram: @jenn.jehl https://www.instagram.com/jenn.jehl/   To learn more about working with me visit: https://www.lifecoachluke.com Want to make a suggestion for a podcast episode? Or want to share your story? Email me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this week's episode, I look into the intricate ways people process emotions, influenced by their unique experiences, upbringing, and societal expectations. Emphasizing the common patterns of emotional avoidance and the search for external validation, I dissect these methods, illustrating how they prevent genuine emotional processing and prevent us from getting what we want. Considering some of my own experiences, such as bankruptcy, divorce, and health crises, to underscore the importance of solitude in the self-healing process. Solitude fosters a safe environment for self-reflection, enabling us to face difficult emotions, understand our desires and fears, and initiate meaningful internal dialogue. Embrace the transformative power of solitude. No matter the adversity you face, remember, you are not alone. Stay strong, lean into solitude, and keep moving forward towards healing and self-discovery.   Find out more at www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this episode, I have the pleasure of speaking with Furkhan Dandia. Furkhan is a therapist, author, speaker and coach. After going through adversity and working in the corporate world as an Engineer for many years, Furkhan decided to pivot and pursue a Master's in Psychology. He is passionate about making a difference in people’s lives and working with them to find their purpose. Going through a divorce made him realise how much shame there is for men around failure. That further motivated him to help other men. After seeing the life-changing benefits of therapy, Furkhan decided to become a therapist. In addition to becoming a therapist, he has also released a book, Pursuit Of Self-Love: 30 Uplifting Messages and Reflections. We discuss the ability to pivot following significant life events such as infidelity. The difficulties in expressing emotions, especially for men. Why do we fail to do the things we tell ourselves we 'should' do and the reason the 'plateau of latent potential' stop so many of us in our tracks.   You can find Furkhan on: Instagram: @eunoiazen TikTok: eunoia_zen YouTube: eunoiazen Facebook: EunoiaZen LinkedIn: Furkhan Dandia   You can find myself, Luke Shillings:www.lifecoachluke.com luke@lifecoachluke.com    Follow on Social media, IG, FB, TikTok @mylifecoachluke

In the latest episode of "The After the Affair", join me as I navigate the treacherous waters of sudden change post-infidelity. This change can leave us feeling disoriented and desperate for control, but what if we changed our perspective? What if we chose to view this alteration not as a disastrous upheaval but as a challenging opportunity for personal growth and self-discovery? As I venture into these deep waters, I’ll discuss the importance of reframing mindset, and learning to accept change, rather than resisting it. Delve deeper into this topic with me as together we can explore how fighting change can only prolong the pain and delay the healing process. I’ll discuss and uncover various strategies to cope with this major shift in your personal life. From mindfulness to prioritizing self-care and reaching out to your support networks, learn practical and effective techniques to accept and embrace change. Listen in to discover how you can convert life's unexpected detours into transformative paths towards growth and recovery. Looking for someone to help you through this? The On Purpose coaching program is built to support your journey. Visit www.lifecoachluke.com to learn more.Have a question for me ... reach out and contact me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com and ask me anything.

When we see things that aren't right in our relationships and have no idea how to fix them ... the easiest thing to do is look around and see what everyone else is doing. We spend most of our lives trying to figure stuff out by comparison. The problem with this is, 'comparison is the thief of joy'. We are left feeling like we aren't good enough, or our partners aren't good enough. If only they would change and everything would be ok! Join me today in a fascinating conversation with Master Certified Coach Jen Frey as we talk about confidence, worthiness, shame, the Reticular Activating System and the problem of looking externally to solve our relationship problems.   To find out more about what Jen does, here are the details: Website: https://Jenfreycoaching.com Jen's podcast - 'Think On Purpose' --> https://open.spotify.com/show/2jEtcnOmfsepmpoBzibkcH?si=sHwT3liFSoSWKBZvl9DUcw Follow her on Instagram - https://instagram.com/jen.frey.coaching?igshid=OGQ5ZDc2ODk2ZA==   To find out more about working with me or learning from my additional resources:   On Purpose Coaching Program: www.lifecoachluke.com Contact me directly: luke@lifecoachluke.com

In the aftermath of an affair, the path to healing is often paved with self-reflection and inner exploration. Join me as I delve into the depths of what I call "EmpathMe", a concept that shines a light on the darker side of self-empathy. In this podcast episode, I explore the complexities of navigating the aftermath of betrayal, revealing the challenges and breakthroughs that come with self-understanding. I uncover the intricacies of "EmpathMe" and its role in post-affair healing. Join me on this journey of self-awareness, as we confront the uncomfortable truths. If you're ready to confront your inner turmoil, find solace in vulnerability, and embark on a profound healing journey after betrayal, this podcast is for you. Tune in to "Unveiling EmpathMe" and discover the transformative potential that lies within the dark corners of self-empathy.   To find out what working with me might look like, visit www.lifecoachluke.com  To get on my subscriber to keep up with all the latest going's on at lifecoachlukeHQ then visit www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe today!

In this captivating podcast episode, join me for a breakthrough conversation with the brilliant creator behind the relationship card game, 'Better Topics'. Discover how this innovative game is revolutionizing communication within couples and fostering stronger connections. Through thought-provoking questions, exciting challenges, and rewarding experiences, the game serves as a catalyst for meaningful discussions and deeper connections. My guest Diana Maria Indries, will delve into the inspiration behind 'Better Topics', sharing insights on how it empowers couples to engage in open, honest, and enriching conversations. Prepare to uncover the secrets to building a deeper connection with your partner as we explore the transformative power of 'Better Topics' in this enlightening episode.   To get yourself a copy of the Better Topics game or to learn more visit: www.bettertopics.com  To contact Diana directly: diana@bettertopics.com   To find out what working with me might look like, visit www.lifecoachluke.com  To get on my subscriber to keep up with all the latest going's on at lifecoachlukeHQ then visit www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe today!

Explore the intricate layers of personal identity in this captivating episode of "Identity - Who am I now?" Join me as I navigate the complex interplay of culture, introspection, and major life events that shape who we are. As I share some of my own stories, I'll take a closer look at what creates our self-perception. I aim to help you reflect on my own identity, gain valuable insights, and embrace the ever-changing nature of self-discovery. Join me on this thought-provoking journey to answer the fundamental question: "Who am I now?"   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com   Discovery Call: www.lifecoachluke.com/booking-calendar/discovery-call   Linktree: https://linktr.ee/lifecoachluke

Join me in a fascinating discussion with Tamika Carlton about what Data Tells Us About Couples Retreats & Why It Matters (aka what happens when science + love combine). It’s more than just intimacy, partnership, or even challenges. Data shows the impact of relationships on our lives, and a study published by the U.S. Travel Association found that seven in 10 couples who travel together say talking and reconnecting is an important reason to spend time alone together while on vacation. Tamika is a Relationship Coach and avid traveller who believes in the power of forging meaningful connections! She is the creator of an inclusive relationship company, Couples Experience that hosts luxury couples retreats, offering couples subscription gift boxes and a couples membership community. Tamika has been featured on The Oprah Winfrey Show, Authority Magazine, HerForward, and other high-profile media outlets. With couples, her goal is to create a space of comfort & transparency so they can share stories and recognize their love is important to them as well as in building a better society – massive shifts have come from her kindhearted yet direct communication method.In the days and weeks after a couples retreat, many of the couples she works with report feeling more connected to each other, feeling a deeper connection, and having more passion in their relationship - let's talk about why!To find out more about Tamika and what she does: Membership: https://www.couples-experience.com/couples-membership/   Retreats: https://www.couples-experience.com/retreats/   Couples experience Gift Box (U.S. Only): https://couplesexperiencestore.net/products/couples-box   Website: www.couplesexperience.net   Want to find out more about working with Luke? Visit: https://linktr.ee/lifecoachluke

Reject Compromise: Rethinking Resolution in Relationships challenges conventional wisdom around conflict resolution, focusing specifically on the concept of compromise. In this thought-provoking episode, I explore alternative ways of addressing disagreements that promote mutual understanding and satisfy both parties' core needs, proving that compromising isn't always the best route to harmony. Tune in to learn strategies that foster healthier and more fulfilling relationships without the baggage of resentment.   Let me know your thoughts - Contact me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com   Visit www.lifecoachluke.com for the latest episodes, blog posts and information

Resentment and bitterness are common feelings after you have been betrayed. They are easy to justify and really seem to help alleviate all responsibility. In this episode, you'll learn how these two emotions are closely related to your own self-trust, what potential pitfalls that can cause, and how to do something about it.Got a question? Send it to luke@lifecoachluke.comWant to have a chat and see how I can help? Visit: www.lifecoachluke.com and schedule a free call.

Join me in this episode as I explore the lesser-known world of Quantum Energy Healing with Forgiveness expert, Nicole Harvick. She believes all healing must start with Self-Forgiveness.Some of the modalities that she uses in her healing practice include Reiki,Sound Therapy, Cellular Memory Healing, and Mild Hypnosis. She can pinpoint stuck energies from ancestral or childhood trauma whichneed to be identified and released to facilitate the healing process. Nicole has always been in communication with the spirit world but in 2010, she began to reach a deeper understanding of spirit and how they communicate. She discovered that spirits sense things the same way that humans do and that they move towards those with the gift of mediumship. They speak to those with open minds and hearts that accept and believe in their world and move towards those who are not afraid of them. It was at this time that she began to communicate with the spirit world on a regular basis. Nicole uses her Clair abilities which include Clairaudience (hearing voices) Clairvoyance (seeing images) Clairsentience (feelings) and Clair cognizance (knowing) Working with these abilities has helped Nicole to be more intuitive with her clients needs and to help them explore aspects of themselves buried deeply in their subconscious. Nicole is a notable speaker on such topics as Forgiveness, Self-Love, and Self-Healing. Her goal is to touch as many lives as possible by helping people to find what they desire, require, and deserve which then allows them to walk their earthly journey with emotional freedom, love, and grace.Find out more about Nicole: www.nicoleharvick.com Find her on Instagram Nicole Harvick (@nicolesharvick) • Instagram photos and videos

When you have witnessed behaviour in your partner that you don't like, how regularly do you use that as a template to judge many of their future behaviours?This episode focuses on exploring the impact of negative thinking on our lives and relationships. I share a story of self-judgement and I examine the role of negativity in relationships and offer strategies for cultivating a more positive outlook. It also emphasizes the importance of self-awareness and self-care for personal growth and happiness.    www.linktr.ee/lifecoachluke luke@lifecoachluke.com

Taking responsibility is a message we hear more and more, but where do we start? In this episode, I look at some of the methods I have used personally to improve my own self-awareness and what the true benefits of each are. Also included is a short but effective grounding exercise you can use today (Just not whilst you are driving!)To learn more about me and how I can help, visit www.lifecoachluke.com or reach out to me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com

Join me whilst I delve into the dark side of technology and its impact on infidelity. With the rise of social media, dating apps, and messaging platforms, it has become easier than ever to connect with people outside of committed relationships. But at what cost? I explore the way in which technology is facilitating infidelity, from secret social media accounts to encrypted messaging apps and the effects this trend has on relationships and individuals. Whether you're in a committed relationship or just curious about the impact of technology on our social lives, this episode is a thought-provoking exploration of a complex and controversial topic.   Learn more at: https://linktr.ee/lifecoachluke   Ready to go from feeling paralyzed by betrayal to better than before the affair? Let's talk, book a call with me today at www.lifecoachluke.com/booking-calendar/discovery-call

Feeling love towards others is a choice that we often overlook. Choosing negative thoughts and emotions towards people who do not meet our expectations only hurts us, and it is crucial to understand that we have control over how we feel towards someone else.  In this episode, I share an example of how we can choose to love someone regardless of what they do or do not do, and any feeling is always available to us. Choose love, unconditionally.   Find out more at https://linktr.ee/lifecoachluke Contact me directly at: luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this episode, I explore the common cycles of pain and mistrust that often accompany healing from infidelity. Cycles and patterns show up in many different ways and often they are unintended. Through personal stories and expert insights, I discuss strategies for breaking free from these cycles and rebuilding trust in yourself and your relationships.   Contact: luke@lifecoachluke.com Learn more: https://linktr.ee/lifecoachluke

In this episode, I sit down with David Redbord, a self-worth expert, to discuss how to redefine self-worth and cultivate a healthy sense of self-esteem. David shares his expertise of how to overcome self-doubt and offers practical tips for building a stronger sense of self. We explore the effects infidelity has on your own self worth. David's candid and compassionate approach to self-improvement is sure to inspire listeners to take the first step towards redefining their own self-worth. Join us for this enlightening conversation on self-worth and personal growth. To find out more about David and the work he does including his 5 steps to self worth guide visit:www.SeeYourWorthChallenge.com/Guide   If you have any questions for me, contact me directly at luke@lifecoachluke.com

In this week's episode, I delve into the secrets of being an infidelity coach and how I help couples and individuals navigate the aftermath of betrayal. From rebuilding trust to addressing the root causes of the infidelity, I share insights on how to heal and move forward in a healthy way. Plus I also answer questions about the biggest myths of infidelity and what has suprised me most along the way!Email me at luke@lifecoachluke.com Receive the latest insights and tips to overcome infidelity by subscribing here - www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

'Limerence' to infidelity, is like 'Furlough' was to Covid. A word that most people had never heard of, before being unwillingly forced into the situation. In this episode I discusses the experience of limerence in extramarital affairs, highlighting its potential for destruction in committed relationships. Limerence is a complex psychological phenomenon that can arise from physical or emotional attraction and displays with intense, unpredictable feelings and actions, leaving little control for those experiencing it.Have any questions? Contact me directly at -> luke@lifecoachluke.comwww.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe

'Jealousy Unmasked' explores the topic of jealousy in relationships (Including post infidelity). I discuss common sources of jealousy, how it can manifest in different ways, and the difference between healthy and unhealthy jealousy. I also provide strategies for managing jealousy, such as identifying the root cause, communicating openly and honestly, practicing self-care, setting boundaries, and seeking professional help if needed.  www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe for your infidelity specific weekly email full of tips and tricks to handle the process of healing after infidelity.

If you have ever found yourself saying 'yes', when you meant 'no' .... then this episode is a must listen! People pleasing shows up in many relationships and can be a key element in the breakdown of those relationships. Learn what it is, where it comes from, why we do it and what you can do to eradicate it from your life.   Ask me your questions for a future episode - Email luke@lifecoachluke.com Simply ask your question, make your suggestion and put 'PODCAST QUESTION' in the subject line and I will answer as many as I can on a future episode https://linktr.ee/lifecoachluke

Healing from an affair is complicated. One often overlooked part of the healing process is understanding the effects that blame and shame have recovery. They are closely intertwined and in todays episode I explain why, and offer tips on how to overcome it.   Join the weekly mailing list - www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe Reach out directly to me at: luke@lifecoachluke.com

Ever wondered why people choose to be unfaithful. What makes betrayal so difficult to resist? Learn some of the reasons in this episode and as always, some useful tips on how to handle them.   https://linktr.ee/lifecoachluke luke@lifecoachluke.com

Learn how I handle any problem, and how you can do the same. To find out more, grab a drink and pop your headphones on! To subscribe to my weekly mailing list, visit - www.lifecoachluke.com/subscribe and if you haven't already, get my FREE first steps guide today by visiting www.lifecoachluke.com

Infidelity can have a major and lasting effect on confidence. Do you understand the difference between confidence and self-confidence? Today I will explore the relationship between the two and how you can rebuild your confidence after infidelity. Do you have a question that Google can't quite answer, it's too generic? I know the feeling ... I just wanted someone to help me with my specific issue. This is something that wasn't available at the time but I can now offer this to you.Visit: https://me.volley.app/lifecoachluke to learn more

The road to forgiveness is a challenging journey, but it is one well worth taking.  There are many misconceptions that say we shouldn't let them off the hook, they should pay for their betrayal, and you should seek revenge at the earliest opportunity.In this episode, I'll look at what forgiveness is, common misconceptions, why you should forgive, learn if you are ready to forgive, and finally ... how to forgive.   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke

Lies form a very real part of the world we live in. From the innocent white lies we tell our children, to the scandals in government, and everything in between. Do lies serve a real purpose? How do you want to think about the lies you have told? Join me in this week's episode to explore a variety of examples, get under the skin of why we lie and what we can do about it going forward. Enjoy!   If you're ready to figure out what you need to do next after infidelity, then schedule a completely free discovery call with me to help you decide.   >>> Click here to book now

There are lots of ways people choose or recommend as the way to heal from betrayal but that raises a question ... Is there a 'Best way to heal' from infidelity? Listen to find out. Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke

Happy New Year! Let's make 2023 the turning point in your recovery.   Today's episode is all about the Motivational Triad. This is the human need to;   - Seek pleasure - Avoid pain - Expend the least energy   This shows up in our lives daily and it makes perfect sense from an evolutionary perspective, but in today's world where food and material items are in abundance ... it often leads us to behave in ways that no longer serve us. Listen to learn more!   If you've been listening for a while, now is the perfect time to change your destiny - learn to rebuild trust, make intentional decision in your life and relationships and really become the intentional author of your own story. Let's go!! Let's talk - >> click here

Come on, admit it. We are all guilty for consuming a great piece of advice, reading and inspirational quote in a magazine or learning that new technique on a webinar but, how often do you actively put that new found knowledge into practice.   I know from experience how easy it is to passively consume information, but then realise that nothing is changing for me because I haven't implemented any of it!  This week is all about reflecting back on some of the key takeaways from the first 13 episodes. Choose one episode or lesson, and intentionally put it into practice before the end of 2022. Let's set you and your relationships up for 2023 like it's had a kick up the "£$*!Make the most of this holiday period spend as much time with the people most important to you in your lives.   You've got this!   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke

What boundaries do you have in your relationships? Have you ever intentionally set a boundary? What is expected of other people who infringe on your emotional boundaries?Find out the answers to these questions and many more in today's episode.   I love to hear all of your questions that come to mind when you are listening to the episodes, let me know what comes up for you. Leave a comment, send an email or reach out on social media.Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/mylifecoachluke

Following on from last weeks episode I explore the list of rules that we have for our partners. How they are something that we don't even notice yet they dictate our expectations and ultimately our feelings if left unchecked.In addition, to sign up for the upcoming Heal for Holidays workshop which will be held on Tuesday 13th December 2022 at 9am CT and 3pm UK time, click >>here!

We all see the world through a different lens. Sometimes it's easy to use the analogy of Rose-Tinted Glasses where you only see the positives, this would be great but is often not always the case!   This episode, along with next week's episode will look at the lists we have in our mind that act like a filter ... not dissimilar to Rose-Tinted Glasses. Enjoy!   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/en/mylifecoachluke

For episode 10, we're doing something a little different.    Whatever it is that you are going through, whatever stage of recovery you are at, there is always someone else out there who is experiencing something similar. Simply becoming aware of this, might just make you feel a little less alone on this journey.   Today I'm having a very open conversation with Mike who experienced infidelity back in 2006.   If you would like to share your story on a future episode, then send me an email with a brief summary of your situation and we can talk.   Become a future podcast guest - Email: luke.shillings@gmail.com   Web: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke

Such a common question after infidelity, how do I rebuild trust? How can I ever trust again?I could talk about this subject for hours but I've kept it to around 20 minutes so it will be manageable and accessible to all. If you've found this episode useful, or any episode for that matter... leave a review, it really helps to get it to more people like you who really need it right now. Thank you so much! Book a FREE discovery call to help you take a step forward in your recovery - www.lifecoachluke.com/booking-calendar/discovery-call   Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke

REGISTER HERE --> www.lifecoachluke.com/holidays Click above to join us on Sunday 13th November at 12pm central time/6pm UK time. If you can't make the live event, still register and you'll get access to the recording. Attend as the betrayed spouse, the wayward spouse or as a couple. This week I am answering questions from men who have chosen to stay after discovery of the affair.Some of the issues discussed are:- Triggers - Intrusive thoughts - Choosing thoughts and seeking evidence - Knowing that you are always worthy   Usual links if you'd like to learn some more great tips.  Not on my email list yet? Visit www.lifecoachluke.com and sign up today! Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke

Feelings! It's all about feelings.    Feelings/emotions are the fuel for everything we do. In this episode you'll learn what feelings are, why they matter and most importantly... what to do with them!This episode is relevant to anyone with a brain! Not just those who have been through infidelity.   Want to work together? Let's talk ... book a completely free, no obligation chat with me right now - www.lifecoachluke.com/booking-calendar/discovery-call Want to learn more? Visit: Website: www.lifecoachluke.com Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke

When betrayal happens, it's common to assume that guilt is only experienced on the side of the unfaithful partner. Further into the healing process however and sometimes a certain set of circumstances can align and cause the betrayed to have similar feelings, but for different reasons.   Find out more in this episode!   For those who haven't reached this stage in the recovery process, access and download my free First Steps guide here --> www.lifecoachluke.com   Follow my social media accounts at:   Facebook: www.facebook.com/mylifecoachluke Instagram: www.instagram.com/mylifecoachluke