The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck Podcast

Wouldn’t it be great if we dropped all the bullsh*t about modern dating? No more games. No more fake, flaky people. No more texting back and forth for weeks or even months only to find out you have zero chemistry when you meet up in person. No more f*cking bots and AI generated dating profiles…

Sabrina Zohar definitely thinks we can skip all of it and get right down to the fun stuff (oh yeah, baby!). All it requires is brutal honesty with yourself and the people you’re interested in. So if you can stomach that, this episode is right up your alley.

We ask Sabrina: What does your attachment style really tell you about how you should date? Are dating apps really that terrible, or can we change the way we use them to get better results? And do we have high standards, or are our expectations just too f*cking high?

And a whole lot more.

We had a lot of fun in the studio with Sabrina. I hope you enjoy it too.

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About Sabrina Zohar

Sabrina Zohar is the multi-faceted entrepreneur and media figure responsible for coaching hundreds of thousands of people to start doing the work to improve their dating life, their relationships with others–and more importantly: their relationships with themselves.

Sabrina’s online presence shifted from talking about her sustainable clothing line, SoftWear, to sharing about her personal dating life. Sabrina’s message spread like wildfire, and the rest is history.

Sabrina’s message has earned her features in NBC California live, The LA times, The Drew Barrymore show, Daily Mail, Newsweek, US Sun, Yahoo, MSN, and more. Sabrina is a multi-faceted force guiding individuals to success in the entrepreneurial space, fashion, podcasting and media, and of course, the intricate world of love and relationships.

Sabrina’s website: https://www.sabrinazohar.com/

The Sabrina Zohar Show Podcast:https://www.sabrinazohar.com/podcast

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Chapters

00:00 Introducing Sabrina Zohar

04:25 The F*ck of the Week: Attachment Styles

21:36 Brilliant or Bullsh*t: Dating Apps

46:28 Q&A: Are my standards too high?

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Theme music: "Icarus Lives" by Periphery used with permission from Periphery.

Today, we’re diving deep into the subtle difference between a healthy routine and a rut. How can you tell if your daily grind is keeping you grounded… or just grinding you down?

Next, we tackle the question of boredom: Why does it feel so unbearable, and could we actually be missing out on its hidden perks? Spoiler alert—boredom might just be the key to unlocking your most creative, inspired self.

Finally, we confront one of life’s biggest dilemmas: When is it time to walk away, and when should you double down? Whether it’s a project that’s going nowhere or a relationship that feels like it’s on life support, we’ll give you insights on knowing when to quit and when to stick it out.

Enjoy.

Brilliant or Bullshit Paper: Just think: The challenges of the disengaged mindhttps://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC4330241/

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01:19 F*ck of the Week: Routines vs ruts

17:50 Brilliant or Bullsht: How painful is boredom?

31:06 Q&A: When to quit vs when to grit?

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Theme music: “Icarus Lives” by Periphery used with permission from Periphery.

What are you called to do in life? What is your life’s task? And once you figure that out, how do you pursue it?

The one and only Robert Greene sat down with us on the pod to talk about all of these questions and a whole more.

We discuss finding and pursuing one’s life task, the nature and causes of “Peter Pan Syndrome”, science vs timeless wisdom on life, figuring out what do in midlife after you’ve taken the wrong path, and a much more.

Enjoy.

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About Robert Greene

Robert Greene is the author of the New York Times bestsellers The 48 Laws of Power, The Art of Seduction, The 33 Strategies of War, The 50th Law, Mastery, The Laws of Human Nature, and most recently of The Daily Laws.

In addition to having a strong following within the business world and a deep following in Washington, DC, Greene’s books are hailed by everyone from war historians to the biggest musicians in the industry (including Jay-Z, Drake, and 50 Cent).

Greene attended U.C. Berkeley and the University of Wisconsin at Madison, where he received a degree in classical studies. He currently lives in Los Angeles.

Robert’s Website: https://powerseductionandwar.com/

Robert’s Books: https://powerseductionandwar.com/books/

Robert’s social media:

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@RobertGreeneOfficial

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/robertgreeneofficial

X: https://x.com/RobertGreene

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Chapters:

00:40 The F*ck of the Week: Finding Your Life’s Task

29:37 Brilliant or Bullsh*t: Peter Pan Syndrome

43:15 Q&A: Science vs Timeless Philosophy, How to Start Over in Midlife

Theme music: “Icarus Lives” by Periphery, used with permission from Periphery.

It's hard enough to change, but why it is so hard to maintain that change too? How might psychedelics facilitate big changes in our lives? And how can young men find healthy role models in the modern world?

In this week's pod, we cover my current struggles around keeping a healthy diet and lifestyle, how psychedelics might actually scramble your brain (in a good way), and why so many young men are struggling to find a place in the world today.

Enjoy.

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00:15 The F*ck of the Week: Struggling with food and healthy eating

14:23 Brilliant of Bullsh*t: Psychedelics rewire your brain?

26:37 Q&A: How do I be man in today's world?

Theme music: “Icarus Lives” by ⁠Periphery⁠, used with permission from Periphery.

Why can’t we just do the things we know we should do? It’s a simple question with a very complex answer.

To help us answer it, I sat down with my old friend, Nir Eyal, a behavioral design expert and author of the best-selling book, Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life.

I love Nir’s approach because he doesn’t linger on the surface of the problem of distraction by hocking the latest app or hack or fancy new time management method. Instead, he dives right into the thorny emotional realities we all face in trying to lead productive, meaningful lives.

In this episode, we talk about what it means to be “indistractable” and how it’s probably the most important skill of the 21st century. We also get Nir’s take on the role of social media in our lives (his views on this might surprise you). And finally, he answers that timeless question: Why don’t we just do what we know we should do?

Enjoy.

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About Nir Eyal

Nir Eyal writes, consults, and teaches about the intersection of psychology, technology, and business. Nir previously taught as a Lecturer in Marketing at the Stanford Graduate School of Business and the Hasso Plattner Institute of Design at Stanford.

He is the author of two bestselling books, Hooked: How to Build Habit-Forming Products, and Indistractable: How to Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. His books have resonated with readers worldwide, selling over 1 million copies in over 30 languages.

Nir’s book, Indistractable: http://geni.us/indistractable

Nir on time boxing: https://www.nirandfar.com/timeboxing/

Nir on values: https://www.nirandfar.com/common-values/

Nir’s free schedule maker: https://www.nirandfar.com/schedule-maker/

More articles by Nir: https://www.nirandfar.com/best-articles/

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2:02 The F*ck of the Week: Becoming Indistractable

23:04 Brilliant or Bullsh*t: The Social Dilemma

44:20 Q&A: How do I get myself to do the things I know I should do?

Theme music: “Icarus Lives” by Periphery, used with permission from Periphery.

How many f*cks should we give about politics? What’s driving the widening ideological gap between young men and women? And is the world truly and utterly f*cked beyond all recognition?

In this episode, we talk politics without really talking politics. We cover how to stay up-to-date on current events without going insane, what history can teach us about the present, the real downside to TikTok’s invasion of—well, everything—and why there is still reason to hold out hope, even when it seems like the world is going straight to hell.

Check it out.

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Chapters

01:17 The F*ck of the Week: Politics

16:24 Brilliant or Bullsh*t: Is TikTok Ruining Politics AND Dating?

32:24 Q&A: Is Everything Just F*cked?

Theme song: Icarus Lives by Periphery, used with permission from Periphery.

Cutting off bad or toxic parents is all the rage in some pockets of the internet these days—but have we lowered the bar a little too much for what makes a parent “toxic”? How can we navigate and own up to the hard conversations we need to have with the people closest to us? And is there a silver lining for putting up with family members who drive us absolutely f*cking insane?

Join us on today’s pod as we get a little squirmy in our chairs while we tackle these issues. Drew squashes some beefs, Mark sniffs out some of the bullshit around cutting people off, and we answer one of your questions about dealing with those crazy people you just can’t get away from: your family.

Enjoy.

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Theme Song: Icarus Lives by Periphery, used with permission from Periphery.

The quality of your life often comes down to the quality of the relationships you have. That’s why we’re giving a huge f*ck about friendship this week.

While the benefits of having good friends are pretty obvious, the cost of maintaining friendships is often overlooked by a lot of people. We dive into that, plus some advice on when you should and shouldn’t cut off people in your life, and how friends and romantic partners really impact our happiness.

Check it out.

Here’s the paper we discuss: People perceive parasocial relationships to be effective at fulfilling emotional needs

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If you’d like to submit a question for us to consider, you can leave it in the comments below or email it to podcast@markmanson.net

Theme Music: "Icarus Lives" by Periphery

Are you addicted to self-improvement? Are experts really any better than the rest of us at knowing how to make positive changes in our lives? What are some common pieces of life advice that just don't seem to work?

Drew and I tackle all of these questions today in our brand new, updated format for the pod. Find out why self-help can turn into pseudo-religion (and why we should bring back exorcisms), whether or not a huge mega-study by a bunch of fancy experts can tell us anything about behavioral change, and some common self-improvement tropes that just don't do it for us.

Here's the study we discuss: Megastudies improve the impact of applied behavioural science

Let us know what you think of the new show format in the comments below.

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Theme song is "Icarus Lives" by Periphery.

Steven Pressfield was 52 years old when he published his first hit novel, The Legend of Bagger Vance. Prior to that, he wrote tirelessly for decades in obscurity, supporting himself with odd jobs along the way.

After writing several more novels and movie scripts, he distilled all of his wisdom into The War of Art, his now-famous treatise on the grinding process of creativity.

Now in his 80s, Steven looks back on his work and life with a clear-eyed view of what it truly means to make it as a creative professional. In this episode, he explains why he persisted writing for decades with little to show for it, how he compensated for his own lack of talent, why creating great art is actually a grueling war fought within the artist’s own mind, and much, much more.

Enjoy.

Steven’s new book, The Daily Pressfield

All of Steven Pressfield's Books

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We often think self-discipline requires massive action and a lot of pain and sacrifice—but the reality is a lot more boring. Today, we tackle some common misconceptions about self-discipline, arguing that real change comes from setting up your environment for success, not grinding through endless struggle.

We explore the hidden dangers of romanticizing pain and why true self-discipline is more about boring consistency than epic feats of endurance. Hopefully, this episode challenges you to rethink how you approach your goals and habits. If you're ready to stop punishing yourself and start seeing real, lasting change, you won’t want to miss this.

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It’s bonus episode time! Today, I’m doing a Q&A with questions you’ve all submitted. We dive into how I’ve changed my mind, bad habits, regrets, dead dreams, advice to young people, meditation, and a whole lot more.

Submit your questions for future podcasts in the comments or email them to podcast@markmanson.net.

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How do you find your way in a world where even when you do everything right, the odds keep getting stacked against you? My guest today, Cady Coleman, shares how she navigated the male-dominated fields of science, the Air Force, and NASA, breaking down barriers with tenacity and grace.

From her time on the International Space Station to the release of her first book, Sharing Space, Cady’s story is a powerful reminder of the importance of mission, adaptability, and the unwavering belief in one’s potential, even when the world around you says otherwise.

Check it out.

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We all wish we gave fewer f*cks in our lives, but wanting to and doing it are two different things. If you've read my book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck, then you know that not giving a f*ck doesn't mean you don't care about anything—it means deliberately choosing what you give a f*ck about and ignore the rest.

In this episode, we dive into the realities of not giving f*ck, the good and the bad. We talk about why there will never be a time when you're completely free from judgement by others. Why being "normal"—whatever that means—is not something to aspire to, nor is wanting to be liked by everyone. How criticism is a part of life you can't escape—but not all criticism is created equal. And a whole lot more.

Check it out.

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Brandon Novak showed all the signs of becoming a highly successful, rebellious young man. He was a professional skateboarder in his early teens, rubbing elbows with the likes of Bucky Lasek and Tony Hawk. In his late teens and twenties, he was a regular on world-famous TV shows like Viva La Bam and Jackass.

But drugs and alcohol were always lurking in the shadows for Novak, and he soon fell head-first into the dark trap of his addictions. He endured bouts of homelessness, committed every petty crime you could imagine, and even resorted to sex work to feed his addictions.

The stats would suggest Brandon Novak shouldn’t be sober right now. He probably shouldn’t even be alive. But not only is he alive with 9 years of sobriety under his belt, he’s found a deep and meaningful purpose in his life, running his own rehab centers and taking care of his elderly mother.

This is the hilarious and heartening story of how Brandon Novak turned it all around. And trust me, if he can do it, so can anyone else.

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There are certain areas in life where trying harder only makes things worse. Trying to prove how likable and confident you are only makes you feel more unlikable and less confident. Trying to make someone love you only makes you feel more unlovable.

The solution to this conundrum is what’s known as “The Backwards Law”.

Simply put, The Backwards law states that desiring a positive experience is itself a negative experience, while accepting a negative experience is a positive experience.

In this episode, Drew and I talk about five areas of life where doing less can actually reap massive benefits.

Enjoy.

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Is everything going to hell in a handcart because of smartphones and social media? In this episode, I sit down with NYU professor and bestselling author Jonathan Haidt to tackle this burning question.

Dr. Haidt makes a compelling case that our addiction to these devices is wreaking havoc on society, from mental health crises to political turmoil. But is it really all the smartphone’s fault? I'm not so sure it's quite that simple, so I wanted to dive deeper into the nuances.

We get into the nitty-gritty and I challenge some of Haidt’s claims, exploring questions like, why do these issues seem to hit the English-speaking world the hardest? Is this another moral panic, or is this time really different? We also discuss the differences in how smartphones affect various demographics and cultures, and why understanding these distinctions is crucial. Plus, we explore Jonathan’s practical and highly sensible recommendations for parents, educators, and policymakers.

Whether you’re a skeptic or a die-hard believer, this episode will make you rethink your relationship with the technology in our pockets.

Let's do this.

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Over the past 5 years, I’ve completely changed my relationship to my health. Prior to that, I was overweight, pre-diabetic, and having chest pains in my mid-30s. I thought maybe eating a salad once a week and going for a run every now then would take care of it. I was wrong.

Since then, I’ve lost 60 pounds (~30kg). I now enjoy exercising regularly and I eat healthy and nutritious foods. My daily life is much more physically active and I get way better sleep. I’m happy with my health now—but it took a long time to get here.

I’m not going to share a bunch of workout routines or complicated diets. What worked for me might not work for you. But I can share what I went through to get here in the hopes that you, too, might change how you think about your health and take it more seriously. Because at the end of the day, your health is definitely something you should give a f*ck about.

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Drew Binsky is a fearless traveler who's seen it all. From chatting with North Koreans in their homeland to dodging bombings in Somalia and volunteering in Syria in the middle of a civil war, Drew's adventures are nothing short of incredible. He's been to every country in the world, witnessing the most dangerous places and surviving a few close calls. Yet, his experiences have led him to a surprising conclusion: most people, most of the time, are good. Even in the direst circumstances, Drew finds that human resilience can prevail.

In our conversation, Drew shares why he's drawn to war zones and failed states, revealing the profound lessons he's learned from them. We discuss why you should never judge a country by the news you hear about it, how the most impactful trips are often the most challenging, and where to find the friendliest people on Earth. Drew also offers his top travel tips on spontaneity, connecting with locals, and what he looks for on his travel adventures. It's a deep dive into the heart of travel and human nature that might just inspire you to see the world a little differently.

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A lot of people treat goals like some kind of sacred self-improvement law, where the most important thing you can do is set and achieve your goals.

But goals are simply tools we use to point us in the right direction. Your goals should serve you—and so you shouldn’t be a slave to some arbitrary goal you set when it’s no longer serving you. So how do you know when a goal is no longer pushing you in the right direction?

In this episode, I talk about why I gave up a pretty big goal I set at the beginning of the year. I discuss what I think are the criteria you should use when deciding whether to give up on a goal or stick it out.

We also discuss what we learned from the goals survey we did for podcast viewers and listeners. How many stuck with their goals and how many have moved on? What are the most effective tactics people used to stick to their goals? What are the most important lessons they learned about their goals and themselves?

Check it out.

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After a catastrophic parachuting accident ended his military career in the British special forces, Dean Stott couldn't just retire to a quiet life. Instead, he decided to shatter boundaries in entirely new fields.

These days, when Dean isn't prepping to beat another world record, like a 14,000-mile bike ride in less than 100 days, he's jet-setting around the world rescuing civilians and diplomats alike from war zones.

In this episode, Dean shares his unique approach to overcoming adversity, managing risk, and staying mentally tough in the most challenging situations. We explore his fascinating experiences from war-torn countries to royal security and the psychological benefits of meticulous planning and mission-driven thinking. Dean also offers a glimpse into how he balances extreme challenges with a grounded personal life.

Enjoy.

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Have you ever wondered why, despite everything seemingly going well, you still feel a nagging sense of dissatisfaction? Well, you’re not alone. This is actually a fascinating psychological phenomenon I call "The Blue Dot Effect". It’s all about how our brains can trick us into seeing problems and negativity even when everything around us is getting better.

Join me and Drew as we unpack this curious effect and explore how it impacts our everyday lives. From the way we perceive our personal achievements to our overall happiness, the Blue Dot Effect plays a sneaky role in shaping our mindset.

Let's dig right in.

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I’ve often wondered if self-discipline is just a way of turning bad addictions into healthy ones. After all, addictions of all kinds are really just an attempt to numb and distract ourselves from facing uncomfortable feelings. Can’t the same be said for healthy behaviors once they reach a level of compulsion?

I brought Rich Roll on the pod to discuss this idea because, well, he’s a recovered alcoholic who turned into an ultra-endurance athlete in his 40s. Rich is no stranger to reinventing himself, repeatedly leveraging his flaws into virtues.

We talk about the value of pain as a catalyst for change, the idea that addiction is a spectrum that doesn’t just involve substances, terrible breakups, finding a deeper spirituality, lessons from Rich’s financial struggles, his career running a top podcast, and much, much more.

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The way you think about the world and your place in it can have a huge impact on your life. And yet, when it comes to evaluating the way we think, we’re rarely able to smell our own bullshit.

So today, Drew and I break down five different mindsets you can adopt to live a more examined, successful life. This requires you to reject many of the mindless beliefs you’ve been force fed your entire life.

Let’s do it.

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Let's be honest: the modern dating landscape is a shit show. From declining marriage rates and rising infidelity to the nightmare of using dating apps—it's brutal out there.

With all these supposedly "easy" ways to meet new people, why are the people who want long-term, stable relationships so fed up with the dating world?

I invited dating and relationships coach Sadia Khan on the pod to discuss how the skills we use to excel in modern dating often sabotage long-term happiness.

Sadia brings a refreshing, thought-provoking perspective to the conversation that will help you navigate the complexities of today's dating world. We dive into the role of self-esteem in successful relationships, the pitfalls of modern dating advice, and the skewed expectations shaped by social media, dating apps, and pornography.

Enjoy.

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So many people seem to be obsessed with feeling good all the time. They’re always looking for “hacks” to an easier, happier life. But what if the easy way actually makes it harder to have a life full of meaning and purpose?

Today, Drew and I take on the ugly truths that give life its beauty. Some of these might be a little hard to stomach at first. But if you see them through, you might be surprised at what’s on the other side.

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In an era where “quiet quitting” and “self-care” obsessions seem to be all the rage, there’s a huge opportunity to set yourself apart from everyone else—and it’s not as hard as you might think.

Codie Sanchez set herself apart by buying “boring businesses” and turning her venture into a multi-million dollar enterprise.

But for Codie, it’s about so much more than the money. Her simple mantra is, “question everything”, and it has given her a unique perspective on life, relationships, and happiness, which we explore here in this week’s pod.

This was a fun interview, check it out.

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A week ago, we hit 2M subs on YouTube and 10M podcast downloads, and I promised a special Q&A episode of the pod—which turned out to be more fun than I expected.

Jump in on this celebratory episode, where I rapid fire through some of the most interesting questions sent in by you guys.

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There’s an ancient philosophy that could actually help you give fewer f*cks, and unless you’ve been living under a rock, you’ve probably heard of it.

Stoicism has been helping people manage their stress and anxiety for thousands of years and today, it’s more relevant than ever.

@ryanholiday is the New York Times Bestselling author of multiple books on Stoicism. He believes that Stoicism is the framework that can help you be a normal person in an increasingly crazy world.

Today’s episode dives into the life-altering benefits of following a philosophy that encourages you to focus on what you can control, and fuck the rest.

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I just heard about the “bed rotting” trend on social media and I think I need a minute.

Because if the kids think staying in bed all day eating pizza and doom scrolling is a form of rejuvenation then I’m calling bullshit on self-care.

Today’s episode is a fun one. Drew and I have a long list of common self-improvement practices and I’m scoring them as overrated or underrated or, “it depends.”

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If the story of humanity is about loss, privation, suffering, and resilience, why are kids having nervous breakdowns about bad grades?

In today’s episode, I talked to Abigail Shrier about what parents and mental health experts are inadvertently doing to rob young people of the resilience and grit that past generations had.

It’s a spicy one. Enjoy.

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Making friends is hard, and unfortunately, as you get older, it gets harder.

In this episode, we look at research behind friendships, plus the complicating factors people experience in making new friends as they get older.

And for anyone struggling with their social lives, we share practical tips on how to meet and keep new friends.

Enjoy and, good luck out there.

Social media messes with our expectations because it convinces us that we should be doing everything, everywhere, all at once.

But the reality is that we should focus on doing one or two things extremely well, in one place, consistently over a long period of time.

Today on the pod, I talk to Noah Kagan, multi-millionaire and multi-business owner, about the type of consistency and habits that lead to wealth.

Noah created his own wealth out of self-belief, learning from failing and being careful with what he gives a fuck about. Noah’s story is compelling as he shares how he found success over decades, by never ceasing to try.

If you’re looking for some raw talk to get you motivated to go out and do cool shit, this is the episode to sink your energy into. Enjoy.

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I came across some mildly terrifying statistics on loneliness and wanted to figure out what was going on.

In this episode Drew and I break down three paradoxes we're calling “The Three Paradoxes of Modern Loneliness” and they are as follows:

We are more connected than ever, yet loneliness is at an all-time high The more urbanized our lifestyles become, the lonelier we become Despite being more social, young people are becoming lonelier than older people

Join us as we dig into the data and discuss why this all might be happening and what we can do about it. Check it out.

What if there was a way accomplish meaningful work—without the associated relationship breakdowns or stress? What if “making an impact” didn’t require massive amounts of energy or sacrifice? What if you could get more done by doing less?

In this episode, I talk to Cal Newport about how knowledge work has got it all wrong. We discuss the subtle dangers of remote/digital work and the key to avoiding burnout, all while still being able to grind on the things you love.

If you’re a stressed out, overworked remote worker, this one is for you.

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What if the answer isn’t to do more? What if the answer is to want less?

I’ve always believed that subtracting from your life can produce better results than trying to add something. Generally, quitting a bad habit, or a bad mindset, or anything distracting, will have a bigger impact on your life than learning more.

This episode covers a few things I think we should stop doing to live a better life. Enjoy.

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Successful people talk a lot about what made them successful. But they're rarely asked about all the things that went wrong.

What about all of the things that failed? Or all the times they got fired? Embarrassed themselves? Spent time in jobs that were just plain weird or awful?

No one asks this stuff. Until now of course.

In this episode, I talk to my friend Derek Sivers about the weird and awful jobs that eventually led him to become a millionaire. From circus ringleader to founder of one the most successful music start-ups of our time, this guy has a story to tell.

Derek Sivers is the author of four books, founder of CD Baby which he sold for $22 million (then gave most of it away), and just an all-around badass.

The most important truths in life are the ones we don’t like to hear.

In fact, I managed to make an entire career out of sharing these types of truths because the stuff we don’t like hearing is often what we need to hear the most.

In this episode I have a lot of fun going through—one-by-one—six nuggets of wisdom, designed to make us all less awful humans. So saddle up bitches, I’m here to break hearts today.

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Could it be that today’s increased awareness about emotions, and our obsession with mental health issues, are actually causing more mental health issues? More people are doing therapy, but are those people potentially doing it wrong?

Therapist, counselor, and author Lori Gottlieb says that a lot of our culture’s approach to mental health is wrong.

In today’s podcast, we discuss what it takes to do therapy effectively. We discuss the prevalence of mental health content online and why that may be a bad thing. We talk about how people’s misunderstandings of vulnerability and boundaries can backfire. And we get into the effect social media might be having on this.

Enjoy.

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We all overestimate how much you have to do to actually be happy.

But what if I told you that achieving happiness is much simpler than you think? That’s right, the smallest lifestyle changes can have the most unexpected knock-on effects towards positive change. It’s actually quite incredible once you experience it.

In today’s episode of the pod, we delve into the 3 of the most important questions that you can ask yourself in determining your own levels of happiness. These are questions worth asking.

Make me happy by liking and reviewing the episode. Make someone else happy by sharing it with them.

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What do you do when trying to improve your life makes you feel worse? What if trying to be better comes across as ‘try-hard’? What if setting more goals is just your way of avoiding your own bullshit?

This is the topic of discussion in today’s episode, “The Self-Improvement Paradox”—or in other words, why sometimes trying to be better makes you feel worse. It turns out improving yourself is nuanced and complicated.

Who would have thought?

Check it out.

Imagine if you could sit down with one of the world’s leading happiness researchers and ask her, one by one, what actually makes people happier and what doesn’t?

Well, that’s basically what I did.

In this episode, Sonja and I get deep into the subject of happiness. One by one, we conclude which of life’s simple and not-so-simple pleasures are underrated or overrated. Some of the answers will definitely surprise you.

Do yourself a favor—watch, like, and share the happiness.

If you’ve ever been stuck working some BS desk job thinking there’s got to be more to life, then you were right. There’s travel.

High-quality, intentional travel is one of the most transformational experiences a person can have. Without a doubt, my 10 years living abroad made me more confident, more self-assured, and ultimately more educated about the world and the people in it.

It also informed a lot of the philosophy that I've written about over the past 10 years—the counterintuitive approach that so many people have come to love.

This episode dives into the key takeaways I got from my years of traveling. I can’t be sure, but I think they might inspire you as much as they have me. Enjoy.

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People are becoming increasingly lonely and are unable to relate to one another. Yet we have more access to more people than ever before. What's going on? Is it technology? Is social media replacing our sense of community with the empty calories of the sweet, sweet For You feed? Or maybe it’s the deterioration of the nuclear family — fewer kids are being born and being raised by fewer parents. Or is it the lack of religion in public life? Or the geographic exodus from small towns and communities towards big anonymous cities? Or the economic inequality and complete loss of work/life balance? These are questions that I, and renowned journalist and author David Brooks, unpack together as we nose dive into the social and emotional disconnect of millions of people. Need lessons on how to talk to the barista making your coffee? Looking to build a better relationship with Gary from across the fence? This episode won’t make you a master of communication overnight, but it’s a fascinating conversation packed with useful insight from beginning to end. Listen to it.

David Brooks on Twitter @nytdavidbrooks: https://twitter.com/nytdavidbrooks David Brooks’ column: https://www.nytimes.com/column/david-brooks David's new book “How to Know a Person:” https://www.amazon.com/How-Know-Person-Seeing-Others/dp/059323006X

It’s 2024 and hopefully you haven’t already given up on your goals for the year.

Today, we’re going to talk about the best and worst ways to set goals. We’ll talk about the factors that make you more likely to achieve your goals, why you lose motivation by week three, and the most common error everyone makes when deciding to change themselves for the better. We’ll also be sharing some of our personal goal disasters along the way to learn what not to do.

We’d also like you to share your goals with us! Details on how to do that are here.

Happy New Year.

It’s easy to assume that the hustle culture or “the grind” is all about pain and suffering. But as you’ll learn today, this simply isn’t true.

In today’s episode, I’m talking to Ali Abdaal, a former medical doctor turned YouTuber and author of the new book, Feel-Good Productivity. Ali has attracted millions of global followers to his ideas on productivity and working because he’s managed to do what others have not: actually make it fun. It turns out that finding ways to make your work fun doesn’t just make you hate your life less, it actually makes you more productive.

Do you worry that you might be wasting your life? That you’re doing things that don’t feel important? Are you constantly anxious about your to-do list?

Is your mind blown that it’s 2024 already?!?

This week, I’ve enlisted the help of my friend Oliver Burkeman, author of the bestseller Four Thousand Weeks: Time Management for Mortals, to help us get a handle on using time wisely.

In this episode, we’re going to look at how our perception of time shapes our self-image, how it’s often advantageous to choose to be bad at something, why people-pleasing doesn’t actually please people, and a whole lot more.

Oliver Burkeman is a renowned journalist and author, known for his unique ability to seamlessly blend philosophy and psychology to bring a fresh and counterintuitive take to classic self-help subjects.

Some of the most important truths in life are found in paradoxes. Paradoxes seem like opposites on the surface, but once you look deeper beneath what are seeming contradictions, there are real grains of wisdom that emerge.

In this episode, I cover some of the most life-changing paradoxes I’ve ever come across, and discuss how they can improve how you approach your life.

In 2021, Matt from Yes Theory, one of YouTube's biggest channels, revealed he was quitting the platform. Despite being an internet celebrity, Matt's story is a common one—about someone who gave away too much of themselves to be liked by others, and now desperately trying to get themselves back. In this episode, Matt and I unpack this familiar dilemma, as well as covering topics like codependence, managing success, dealing with parasocial relationships, determining when vulnerability goes too far, and much more.

A comprehensive list of lessons you shouldn’t wait too long to learn.

In this episode, I’m sharing 7 important lessons I learned far too late in life. I’m doing this so that you don’t have to live through as many clusterfucks as I did to find a bit of peace in life.

Some of these lessons you may already know, some may surprise you. But they’re all guaranteed to help you live a better life.

This is your one and only chance to not repeat my godawful mistakes. So get into it.

Do I exist if I’m not on social media? Can I fake it till I make it? What’s the secret to a good life?

In this week’s episode, I enlist my old friend and host of the wildly popular The Psychology Podcast, Scott Barry Kaufman, PhD. to dissect our psyche in the social media age.

Reflecting on his personal experience and drawing on a wealth of psychological research, Scott asks—and answers—questions that might reveal aspects of yourself you never knew were there, and set you on the path to a better life.

We’re going to dive deep and get existential. We’re going to talk neurodiversity, vulnerability, and Batman. What more can you ask for?

Exactly. Go get it.

Make up or break up? Knowing when to call it quits.

If you’ve ever been through a rough patch, you know this is a painful question to answer. Do you stick it out? Do you cut the cord and run? Do you sacrifice more to make it work? Do you demand your partner give up everything and run away to Fiji and live happily ever after?

These are the hard questions we answer in this episode.

To help us figure this out, I’m going to be roasting viewers’ relationships with their partners. I’m going to go over five real-world examples sent in from you, fans struggling with relationships, and in the process I’m going to share the three questions we must all ask ourselves to figure out if it’s time to break up.

So get your hot sauce ready, because shit’s about to get spicy. Maybe even have your partner join you for this one. It could be fun… or it could ruin your marriage.

Everybody wants to get rich. But is the pursuit of wealth really about the money, or are we actually chasing something much deeper?

These are just a couple of the fun ideas I toss around in this episode with Morgan Housel, New York Times Bestselling author of the smash hit, The Psychology of Money, which has sold more than four million copies worldwide.

We’ll dig deep to uncover our relationship with money, answer the timeless question “Will getting rich make me happy?” and share some of Morgan’s best investing tips.

So put away your spreadsheets, step away from the credit card, and for god’s sake stop trading crypto for five seconds, and settle in for this one. We might just make you filthy fucking rich.

Why is it that the most important truths in life are also the most painful to hear?

In this episode, I discuss five of the most uncomfortable truths that have changed my life and will likely change yours—from human suckage to the cheeriest truth of all… death.

So put your safety harness on, the ride’s about to get bumpy…

Are you your own worst enemy? Ever think that your life would be so much easier if you could just change your mind about a couple things? Yeah, me too.

In this inaugural episode, I am joined by my old friend Derek Sivers, the one person I know who is better at questioning beliefs and changing his mind than just about anyone… and a bona fide grandmaster at not giving a fuck.

We dig into the most fundamental aspects of our psychology and happiness—our beliefs. We talk about how to change them, which ones should be changed and which ones should not, and the wide-ranging effects these beliefs have throughout our lives.

I believe you will get a lot out of this podcast… see what I did there? I did the believe—eh, never mind.