Stupendous Marriage Podcast

Stu and Lisa talk about how to stay connected as a married couple when times get tough (and it happens alot!)

What would you add? 

📲 Send us your response - or your own question

👇👇

When you Click here!

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Who are YOU and Who is your Spouse?

📲 Send us your response - or your own question

👇👇

When you Click here!

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Stu and Lisa talk about an encouragment from Stu's Mom about Marriage that she shared during a wedding celebration.

You can read more about it here

What do say is the most important part of your marriage?

📲 Send us your response - or your own question

👇👇

When you Click here!

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Stu and Lisa talk about the Daily Question they have asked each other for over 20 years:

Whats for DINNER?!

But more than that, they talk about "who does WHAT around your house"?

Whose responsibility is it in your marriage to do the dishes? The Laundry? The Mowing...etc...

Is it only the Husbands job? Is it only the Wife's Job... or is it "What needs to be done in our house"?!"

📲 Send us your response - or your own question

👇👇

When you Click here!

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On this show, Lisa and Stu talk about a conversation they had that led to being less judgmental of one another

What say You?

📲 Send us your response - or your own question

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When you Click here!

☝️☝️

You can also watch on youtube here!

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Stu and Lisa have a new 18 year old (an adult!) in the house this week

📲 Send us your response - or your own question

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When you Click here!

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Stu and Lisa celebrate 20 years of marriage on August 31 2023!

Woo Hoo!🎉

(00:00) Stu and Lisa's 20th Anniversary Memories (01:39) What Has Lisa Learned in 20 years? (03:34) What has Stu Learned in 20 years? (07:45) Reach out to Stu and Lisa

Chapters & show notes powered by vizzy.fm.

📲 Send us your response - or your own question

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When you Click here!

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A Listener asks about her husbands low libido...what should she do?

📲 Send us your response - or your own question...

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When you Click here!

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Email from Kristen - should I be ok with my husband going to Las Vegas for a Bachelor Party?

What would you say to Kristen?

📲 Send us your response - or your own question

When you Click here!

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Are Sex toys OK in our Christian marriage? 

Thats what a listener asks this week...

What say You? (chime in with your thoughts below👇)

📲 Send us a voicemail with YOUR Question or comment at StupendousMarriage.com/voicemail

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On This Stupendous Marriage Podcast, a Listener asks Stu and Lisa:

"Can I make my wife work out?"

What would you say to him?

Send us Your VOICEMAIL Question when you click here.

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Stu talks about why everyone can benefit from the principles of recovery.

For our Marriages, there are 4 big principles (+1 more) that can help change the dynamic in your marriage:

Surrendering To God

Sharing Your Brokenness Honestly

Making Restitution for the Hurts You Have Caused

Getting the Guidance of God

And a Bonus:

Serving others

What do you think? Have you tried any of these in your marriage?

🐥Send us a message on Twitter - We Love hearing from you:

@stugray (or send a direct message)

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On this episode of the Stupendous Marriage Podcast, Stu Shares part of his conversation with Chris Taylor and J, Parker on the Knowing Her Sexually Podcast.

Listen to the whole conversation here.

🔥Find J. Parker at Hot Holy & Humorous

🍯Find Chris Taylor at Honeycomb & Spice

👸For Christian Wives: Sex Chat for Christian Wives Podcast

We'd Love to Hear from You...

🐥Send us a message on Twitter:

@stugray (or send a direct message)

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On this Stupendous Marriage Podcast A Listener writes that she and her husband are 'Talking past each other'...

What would you say to her?

Do you have a question about marriage?

🐥Send us a message on Twitter - We Love hearing from you:

@stugray (or send a direct message)

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On This Episode Stu and Lisa answer a question from someone who isn't married yet! 

Also: check out the Knowing Her Sexually Podcast (Stu was on a current episode!) (Here is the show in Apple Podcasts)

We'd love to hear from you! The best way to contact us right now is

🐥Send us a message on Twitter!

@stugray (or send a direct message)

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Today Stu and Lisa Talk about a message from Rebecca who shares about her new marriage and how her husband and she enjoy being "Students" of one another...!

Are You a Good STUDENT of your Spouse?

And

What are you TEACHING your spouse? 

(because - if there is a STUDENT...there is a TEACHER)

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Stu and Lisa are Chatting about an Article from Julie Siebert at IntimacyinMarriage.com

Julie's article "Sex at the Inlaws? Is this a Good Idea?"

What say You?

🐥Send us a message on Twitter - We Love hearing from you:

@stugray (or send a direct message)

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Lisa Looks at Genesis 3:16 from the Bible.

Here is the verse that she mentioned:

Then he said to the woman,

“I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy,     and in pain you will give birth. And you will desire to control your husband,     but he will rule over you.

Does that resonate with you as a wife?

🐥Send us a tweet or message on Twitter - We Love hearing from you:

@stugray (or send a direct message)

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What are the 5 Love Languages and how can you use them to love your spouse well?

Here are the 5 Love Languages:

Time

Touch

Gifts

Words of Affirmation

Acts of Service

Take the Love Languages Test by clicking here

🐥⤵️

Send Stu a Tweet and let him know (@stugray)!!

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Do you have a great friendship with your spouse? 

What would that even look like? Here are a couple ideas for you to develop your intimacy and your friendship:

Find or develop Shared interests Make LAughter a priority in your relationhsip Support your spouses dreams Make Listening to your spouse a 'full body sport' Find Posckets of time to spend together Don't keep secrets Figure out the Big 3 of Sex: Frequency, Duration, and What You Like/Dislike

What would you add to this list?

🐥⤵️

Send Stu a Tweet and let him know!!

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Stu gives you 10 ways to shake it up in your marriage 🕺🏼

Which one are you going to try out with your spouse?

Kick the TV out of the Bedroom (Bedrooms are for 2 things!) Have Date Lunches (Not Dinners) Put the kids to bed! (They don't need to stay up so late) Take up a hobby together (It'll keep you connected) Dance at Restaurants (Make people look at you funny) Be tourists in your city (Every city has something cool to explore) Go to the playground and swing! (Be playful!) Tell them ONE thing you love about them (They have one thing - right?) Turn off the phones, computers and tablets (connect with them not a device) Play games together (playfulness is a theme!)

🐥⤵️

Send Stu a Tweet and let him know!!

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Stu talks about a popular business book - "The Fish Philosophy" and how its principles can be great for your marriage. 🐠

Which of the Fish Philosophy Principles do you like most?

Be There

Choose Your Attitude

Play  

Make Their Day?

Send Stu and Tweet and let him know!

80% of divorces are from drifting away from your spouse - not affairs or divorce.

How do you stay close with your spouse?❤️‍🔥

🐥

Send us a tweet to tell us YOUR strategies!

👂

Does your spouse want you to fix all their probelms or do they just want you to listen?

🐥

Does this resonate with you?

Send us a Message on Twitter

We'd love to hear from you❤️

☝️

What is ONE THING about your spouse that you can focus on that they do well?

🐥

Send Stu a Tweet and let him know what your spouse is amazing at!

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The Stupendous Marriage Podcast is back...!

Woo Hoo!

Whatchu Been up to for the past 3 years?

Follow Stu on Twitter: @stugray

Send Stu and Lisa a Message or Question

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Stu and Lisa talk about moving together in the same direction, new money decisions and taking on projects together.

Send us a message! @stugray

Tweets :: Insta :: Facebook

A Husband asks - How do I Emotionally Support my Wife?

 Stu and Lisa talk about it on today's Stupendous Marriage Podcast

💌

From our email...."I have been married for 14 years and my wife let's me know that I am not being a supportive husband. She says that I don't give that emotional support nearly as much as she needs it. For examples, she lost one of her jobs and didnt feel that I was there for her. I have been searching for an answer to this dilemma for quite some time and I truly stuck..."

💥

🐥Send us your question on Twitter @stugray

  Tweets :: Insta :: Facebook

Lisa is back from Jury Duty and she talks about her experience and the things she realized about marriage while she was serving.

🐥Have a Question? Send us a message on Twitter:

@stugray

Tweets :: Insta :: Facebook

When the Journey is Too Much for You...

  📖 Verses Today from 1 Kings 18 and 19

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How Do You Forgive Your Spouse for Hurting you?

plus, remembering 9/11, 18 years later

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Is It My Job to Make My Spouse Better?

Talking accountability today on the Stupendous Marriage Podcast....  

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A wife asks if she should do her husbands post graduate masters homework. Stu and Lisa Discuss on this show.

Stupendous Question for this month:

What is the worst date you went on with your spouse?

Share yours with us at 1.615.592.1060

On the show today:

Question for this week: Do men have a time of the month? It seems like there is more sexual temptation some times more than others!"  

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Take a minute to comment and Rate us on iTunes!

Our Final Marriage Camp Session for 2019!!!

Reflection on our actions thoughts and words is a great thing for us personally and in our marriage.

Lisa talked about the One Second a Day App: Here it is!

**During the summer months, we have given you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. 

Back to answering your questions...so Click here to send yours

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Marriage camp session 17!!!

Words about your spouse matter...not just words TO your spouse. 

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

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Marriage camp session 16!!!

How do wives receive love? Husbands doing the dishes!!! LOL

How do husbands receive love? Wives doing the husbands!! LOL.

Just joking! KINDA. We receive love in different ways... Husbands need to remember to love their wives outside the bedroom, and wives remember to love your husbands in the bedroom.

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

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Marriage camp session 15!!! Are you taking care of yourself when it gets down tot he last weeks of summer? This time of year (Hot, Back to school...revving up for fall...) its easy to forget about taking care of yourself and dialing down to be able to keep going full steam for yourself, your spouse and your kiddos.

Self Care Ideas!

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

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Marriage camp session 14!!!

Create Intentional memories with your family and spouse this summer!

Here is the article we mentioned in the show:

60 simple ideas for bringing your family together this summer!

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

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Marriage camp session 13!!!

How do you manage your expectations with your spouse? Thats what we are talking about in this marriage camp session.

A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers - Ruth Bell Graham

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

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Marriage camp session 12!!!

Words are powerful things. Are you building up or tearing down? What words do you use to describe your spouse to others - and what are you telling YOURSELF about your spouse? Also... using I,Me language in stead of "YOU"... helps in difficult situations

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

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Marriage camp!!!

Are you comparing your marriage to other couples? Its easy to do in today's social media culture!!! It can be a trap! Can you be content with the life and relationship you have?!?!?!?

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

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In this bonus episode, we sat down for a chat about the Tahoe couples Getaway with the creators of the getaway... Luke and Sarah Pettengill!

Enjoy a Great retreat with Mark Gungor, Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo, Chris August, and Brandon Heath!!

Check out the getaway here: 

Tahoecouplesgetaway.com/stupendous

(Affiliate Link!)

Marriage camp continues on for summer...

What about Extended Family Vacations - how to deal with family and friends and not leave your spouse and family behind! Thats what we talk about on this marriage camp session.

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

Show your Support for Stupendous Marriage!

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Episode 200!!!! Thanks for being part of the Stupendous Marriage community!!!!

Marriage camp continues on for summer...

Facing problems together - instead of hiding them or ignoring them is not always easy - but in the long run its better for your marriage.

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

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Marriage Camp Continues!!

You always have a choice as to what you focus on in your relationship. What you focus on grows in your mind (especially the negative stuff) so intentionally choose positive things about your spouse to focus on!

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

Show your Support for Stupendous Marriage!

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Marriage Camp Continues!!

Tech free time! Do you have it in your marriage and family? We have to work on this one ourselves...so thats what this marriage camp session is all about!

**During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Send your marriage question for a future show: Click here to send yours

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Marriage Camp Continues!!

Stu and Lisa talk about Budgeting. Ugh...

No, budgets aren't fun. Yes, they are helpful. You can teach your kids the value of money and have money left for the holidays too!!!

During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime.

You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Show your Support for Stupendous Marriage!

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Stupendous Marriage Show Goes to Marriage Camp!

Stu and Lisa talk about finding time to go on a date with your spouse. Summer schedules can be crazy, so make sure you set aside time to date with your spouse - and it doesn't have to be the traditional dinner and a movie!

During the summer months, we are giving you short tips, tricks, and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime.

You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

Show your Support for Stupendous Marriage!

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Stupendous Marriage Show Goes to Marriage Camp!

Stu and Lisa talk about being consistent with your schedules and choices during the summer. Easier Said than done!

During the next several weeks, we are going to give you short tips, tricks and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime.

You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories: * Parenting * Communication * Teamwork * Mindset * Sexy

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On this Session of Marriage Camp we talked about:

The OREO TECHNIQUE. Or the SANDWICH TECHNIQUE.

(Everybody eats oreos for the creamy center right?)

This technique helps when you have something tough to talk about.

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Stupendous Marriage Show Goes to Marriage Camp!

Stu and Lisa talk about being a united front in your marriage...

During the next several weeks, we are going to give you short tips, tricks and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime. You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories:

* Parenting

* Communication

* Teamwork

* Mindset

* Sexy

(We wish we could send you badges, but you are going to have to make your own!! CRAFTS!!!)  

We are talking about Staying connected as a couple during the summer months.

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On this episode of the Stupendous Marriage Show...

We start "MARRIAGE CAMP"!!

During the next several weeks, we are going to give you short tips, tricks and tools to a healthy marriage for summertime.

You can work on your "Badges" in these Categories:

* Parenting

* Communication

* Teamwork

* Mindset

* Sexy

(We wish we could send you badges, but you are going to have to make your own!! CRAFTS!!!)

We are talking about Staying connected as a couple during the summer months.

Show your Support for Stupendous Marriage! NEW STUPENDOUS MARRIAGE SHIRTS

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We hope you had a wonderful Memorial Day Celebration! (if you are in the states!)

This Summer we are doing something different with the Stupenodus Marriage show!

We are going to CAMP!

We will be having two shorter shows a week focused on small things you can do to improve your marriage during the summer months!

Ok Campers - We'll see you next week!

On the show today:

Show your Support for Stupendous Marriage! NEW STUPENDOUS MARRIAGE SHIRTS

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On the show today:

  Show your Support for Stupendous Marriage! NEW STUPENDOUS MARRIAGE SHIRTS

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Featured on the Show today:

*An event that Stu and Lisa almost missed in their city

*How to NFL players get their SuperBowl Rings?

*The Wisdom of Proverbs for your Marriage

Verses:

Proverbs 17:9 Love overlooks the mistakes of others, but dwelling on the failures of others devastates friendships. (TPT)

Proverbs 17:13 If you repay good with evil,     evil will never leave your house. (NLT)

Proverbs 17:14 Starting a quarrel is like opening a floodgate,     so stop before a dispute breaks out. (NLT)

Proverbs 17:17 A friend is always loyal,     and a brother is born to help in time of need. (NLT)

Proverbs 17:22 A cheerful heart is good medicine,     but a broken spirit saps a person’s strength. (NLT)

Rick Pino - Cheerful Heart is Good Medicine!

Proverbs 17:28 Even fools are thought wise when they keep silent;     with their mouths shut, they seem intelligent. (NLT)

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On the Show this time:

Email the show  

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On the show this time:

Shaunti Feldhahn Article about Divorce Rate Dropping

Shaunti Feldhahn books:*amazon links* 

The Good News About Marriage |  Highly Happy Marriages |

For Men Only | For Women Only

TEXT US YOUR question!!!! 1.615.592.1060  

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What we talked about on this show:

*Going to see KISS in Nashville

*Leaving a legacy in your marriage

*What do you do if you don't "feel it" anymore in your marriage?

*What one of Stu's bosses used to say about love that made him laugh

*Is there such a thing as Love at First Site - and does it make a difference?

Malachi 4:6 "His preaching will turn the hearts of fathers to their children, and the hearts of children to their fathers. Otherwise, I will come and strike the land with a curse."

Jeremiah 31:3 "...I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness."

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NEW STUPENDOUS MARRIAGE SHIRTS

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Topics mentioned on this show:

*Stu Talks about his birthday - and what he is doing to celebrate

*What should a husband do if he is newly married, and his wife doesn't trust him?

*Should a husband quit a job if his wife is fearful?

*What does a wife do if she is afraid that her husband might cheat on her when she travels?

*What role does fear have in our trust in God?

Philippians 4:6-7 Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.

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On this show:

*How Stu and Lisa stood together during a tough period in their life

*This number will help you feel better about fighting about the same thing over and over

*Why do the Stupendous Steps to a Better Marriage (working on your self, vision and teamwork) all fit together?

*Is there a spiritual element to fighting with your spouse?

Send your emails: onair@stupendousmarriage.com

1-615-592-1060

This week we are talking about another Stupendous Step:

How to Build a Vision for your marriage!

Here are some of the things we talked about...

*What does the Bible Say about walking in the same direction?

*What does Stu think is one of the weirdest stories in the Bible (and how it relates to Vision in your marriage)...

*5 Areas where you can build vision in your marriage...

*Is Scheduling sex a good thing?...

*Why Dates with your spouse are important...

*How do you decide about the traditions in your family?...

*How one radio host inspired another to change his money habits...

Ways to send your question about marriage - 

onair@stupendousmarriage.com

1-615-202-9010

Things we talked about:

Why Working On Yourself Changes Things

What Did Jesus Say about Your Stuff versus Someone Elses?

Who are you, and who is your spouse?

Do You know who your spouse is?

Do You take responsibility in/for your marriage?

Do you "Own Your Crap"?

How do you deal with Offense?

What are the 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, and why they are bad for your marriage...

***

John Schindler's Book How to Live 365 Days a Year (Affiliate Link)

John Gottman Book for more on the 4 Horsemen

Are you worried about triggering past emotions? Episode 181

On This Show:

*How to keep up to date with your spouse

*Should you ignore fights when they happen?

*What about showing support for a spouse - do I walk on eggshells?

*How do I bring something up but not trigger past sexual abuse?

*A Way to support to your husband at the WaterPark surrounded by teenie bikinis

*You can find us on Spotify now

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On the Show Today: They Want to make Marriage a Priority even though Life is busy

Download the Show

Email:

Hi Lisa and Stu! I just recently found your podcast and love it! Thank you so much for encouraging other married couples and providing guidance in marriage!

My question: My husband and I have been married for almost 9 years, have a 5yr old and 1-month-old baby. We both work full time outside the home, both have long commutes (approx 3-4 hours a day) so needless to say we are definitely tired! We go thru dry spells when it comes to intimacy like won't have sex for a couple of months and hardly ever go out on date nights. We don't really have any family who can watch our kids and we can't really afford to pay a babysitter. How can I let my husband know that intimacy is important in a marriage? Also, how can we make marriage a priority when we have so much going on that we barely have time for ourselves? Thank you!

Answers to the question:

*A Fun way to show your spouse you want to connect physically with them (s-e-x)

*How to team up with your friends to make date nights happen

*What happens when you acknowledge your problems

*4 ways to stay connected to your spouse when you are busy

*Do you know how your spouse feels? Why Keeping up to date is important

*1 drastic thing you can do to change the speed and intensity of your life and marriage

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2/3 of our household has the flu! Stu is stuck in the studio so he doesn't get it. We'll be back with a new show when we are all healthy!!

8t3i6vgx

This is a super short intro to let you know that we wanted to share with you something new and different...

"The Stupendous Marriage Minute"

The next three episodes (after this one) are one minute encouragements for you and your marriage.

1. Download them

2. Listen to them

3. Put them into practice

4. Let us know if you like them and would like more!

onair@stupendousmarriage.com

What’s one thing that can change the atmosphere in a room and connect you and your spouse?

Hey Its Stu and Lisa Gray from Stupendous Marriage.com and this is your Stupendous Marriage Minute.

I went to a parenting seminar recently and the speaker talked about one change she made to her behaviour whenever her teen son came into the room.

She smiled at him.

That's all.

He never said anything about it, but the first time his mom DIDN’t Smile (after several months) he asked her right away - Mom, What’s Wrong?

Smile at your spouse. Enjoy their presence and connect with them. Think of something positive before you see them and smile when they come into your presence.

Mother Theresa said, "You never know all the good that a simple smile can do."

A smile at your spouse changes the atmosphere in the room and can connect the two of you together simply by putting it on your face.

For more encouragement for your marriage, check out Stupendous Marriage.com and subscribe to the Stupendous Marriage Show wherever you listen to podcasts!

Email us: Onair@stupendousmarriage.com

We don't have a television in our bedroom.

Hey, Its Stu and Lisa Gray from Stupendous Marriage.com and this is your Stupendous Marriage Minute.

Early on in our relationship, we decided not to put a television in our bedroom. We didn't do it intentionally, we just thought it would be a good thing to Have the bedroom be a "bedroom" not a mini family room!

I hear so many couples who lay in bed and read on their phone and watch television and fall asleep with the TV on and their screens on their chest and dribble running down their chins... and their neck hurting in the morning... because they've been looking at their phone all night long.

Take some time out have a 'digital detox' especially in your bedroom.

I think it'll be good for your marriage! It might be tough, but try it out see if it works for you and your spouse.

For more encouragement for your marriage, check out Stupendous Marriage.com and subscribe to the Stupendous Marriage Show wherever you listen to podcasts

Email us: onair@stupendousmarriage.com

We’ve been hoodwinked by Hollywood!

Hey, Its Stu and Lisa Gray from Stupendous Marriage dot com and this is your Stupendous Marriage Minute.

Tom Cruise said it in Jerry Maguire. It's a Romantic scene, all the girls swoon and he gets the girl back. But the truth is - its bogus.

Your spouse does NOT complete you. They compliment you. You are a complete person in Christ before and after you get married. If you don’t think you are, then you should not have gotten married. But if you did, then you need to figure out your identity in Christ.

A more realistic quote about marriage comes from John Candy, talking to his Jamaican bobsled team about the Olympics in Cool Runnings:

"A gold medal is a wonderful thing, but if you're not enough without the medal, you'll never be enough with it."

For more encouragement for your marriage, check out Stupendous Marriage dot com and subscribe to the Stupendous Marriage Show wherever you listen to podcasts.

Email us: Onair@stupendousmarriage.com

On the Show Today: Her husband is emotionally unavailable, and she feels trapped after starting a family at a young age. Stu and Lisa answer some of her questions.

Email Highlights for today:

My husband and I are 26 years old. We have been together for 9 years (married for 5). I was raised in a single mom household with a strict mother who worked 3 jobs so I stood home and babysat my sister (4 years younger than me.) I was never allowed to have friends over or hang out with friends...My mother did everything she could to make sure we were cared for but because she worked so hard I didn’t have much of a personal life. My husband was the opposite. He was from a married parent home, dad worked mom stood home. They gave him all the freedom in the world to do as he pleased but they are a very reserved family. No emotions, no affection...I feel like personally, I felt trapped. I went from not being able to do anything as a teenager to being tied down by the family life with kids and a husband. I felt, and sometimes still feel like, I was never able to find myself and who I am as a person which is why I started to grow in my faith and take the journey with the Lord...But my husband is the “problem” he is an AMAZINNGGGG husband!! He helps out more than I could imagine at home. He does dishes, does laundry, sweeps, mops, makes beds, works 40 hours a week, cooks meals when I don’t have the strength, takes the kids to and forth but he lacks emotionally. I am a stay at home mom. When I bring up my feelings to other women, especially my own mom, she claims I am being a “brat” or a “baby” and whining about nothing, he is great and it's me who has the problem. I have now learned to keep my mouth shut but it is affecting our marriage...my husband is an amazing provider and partner in our home but he lacks in affection, attention and following the lord. Stu and Lisa, please help me. I feel like I have exhausted every angle from praying for us both, sending him little articles or highlights of the articles (neither which he will read), dropping hints, approaching conversations the right way, using I statements vs making it about him, I praise him, I encourage him, I lift him up but I see none of that in return. I overfill his love tank and my children’s while mine is running on empty.

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Help for an Abusive Relationship this post contains affiliate links

On the Show Today:

Email for today:

Hi, Stu & Lisa. I know this is a marriage podcast but I love your advice. I am married and I grew up in a pretty loving Christian household and I feel deep down that my marriage is loving and Christ-honoring. I have a brother who a little younger than me & is in a current relationship. He is a Christ follower and his girlfriend is not. The woman he is with is very verbally abusive to him & has even said some pretty horrible things to me and my parents. She has also put her hands on my brother a time or two as well as kicked the dash in his car, smashed his phone etc. I and my family are completely devastated to see my brother date someone of this nature. We are confused to see how he ended up with someone that is like this considering that the marriage examples he has been given are nothing like the relationship he is in. It’s very hard to watch because I love my brother. He says he wants to break up with her but can’t because he is scared of her aftermath. How can you help someone get out of an abusive relationship? And how do you do it in a Christ-honoring way?

Links:

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Creative Gift Giving to your spouse. this post contains affiliate links

On the Show Today:

Email for today:

...you mentioned that it is hard to buy Christmas gifts for Lisa because she liked experiences rather than things. My wife is the same way. On top of it, my wife doesn't like to plan... my primary gift to her has been a date plan for the upcoming year. I try to plan at least one activity that we can do together each month for the upcoming year. It is a great gift because she likes the activities and we both like to have plans we can look forward to. I can usually plan at least the first 9 months of the upcoming year. After that it can get difficult because schedules are not available that far out.

Activities have included theater tickets (which she likes and I don't but I like her so I love to go), concert tickets (Casting Crowns and Toby Mac this year - woo-hoo!), an occasional sports ticket (minor league hockey this year), pottery classes, glass making classes, Discover SCUBA classes, an occasional weekend trip as the budget allows, and other things like that. I will not do the typical dinner and a movie date and it can be tricky ... sometimes we have to drive which can turn it into a full day activity - which is better for the Quality Time people...Some of the plans I have made in the past have even been free. I have found it is not about how much money I spend on her but that I was being intentional in planning activities that we can do together.

Christmas morning package presentation has included just giving her tickets (which is no fun), photo albums with pictures of what we are going to do, and calendars. I would be interested in your thoughts on ideas of more things to do and ways to present them on Christmas morning in a package that can be unwrapped.

We are glad you are back broadcasting regular episodes. We started listening at about episode 30 so we missed you while you were gone.

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My wife doesn't trust me after my behavior this post contains affiliate links

On the Show Today:

Email for today:

I just stumbled on your podcast - I believe it's a sign.   My wife and I have been together for 7 and a half years. - married for 2 and a half. We have two children together but - also have children from previous relationships.      In the beginning, we had an amazing relationship, -  after our first daughter together was born, an ex of mine got in contact with me and I felt like I was keeping it professional. she would take it too far talking about intimate times we had. I responded to one or two of those and then realized it was a horrible thing to do and cut off contact completely. My wife found these messages and that's where our whole relationship took a turn for the worse. Since then she has had trust issues - We hit church hard, became believers and would be in and out of the word. When things were good we weren't in the word as much when things were bad we got back in the word. No consistency.      I recently had a one night stand that I regret - I had to tell her about it and it broke her heart. I have a lot of work to do to be me. And I'm doing it. She is in and out. One minute wants nothing to do with me, the next we are back together. It's confusing. I know she cares but, she says she wants to see what else is out there (she's afraid our relationship was toxic for so long that things will never change).     I understand her, but I believe there's nothing that's happened that God can't heal. II want to find a way to show her this without being suffocating at the same time. I love her, I'm working on finding out the truth about why I did what I did. In the meantime I sadly feel I'm the only one putting forth the effort like she's already given up. Thank you

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On the Show Today:

No Listener Question this week: TEXT THEM TO US!!!! 1.615.592.1060 Show your Support for Stupendous Marriage!

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On the Show Today:

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On the Show Today:

No Listener Question this week: TEXT THEM TO US!!!! 1.615.592.1060

We are taking a short break for the holidays and we will talk to you in 2019!!

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On the Show Today:

No Listener Question this week: Send us yours - Onair@stupendousmarriage.com

Resources:

Traditions - When is it time to change?

Lots to think about with this one: Gospel thinking - How do we decide our Family Traditions?

This topic makes me think about this song from Bocephus. Not that I am condoning his behaviour ;)

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ASK YOUR QUESTION ABOUT MARRIAGE: 1.615.592.1060

On the Show Today:

No Listener Question this week: Send us yours - Onair@stupendousmarriage.com

Resources:

Should We Rethink Holidays? - Joshua Becker at Becoming Minimalist Enjoy the HOlidays by removing these 10 things. - Another from Joshua Becker Setting up a Christmas Budget - Dave Ramsey

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On the Show Today:

Listener Question:

I wanted to hear your thoughts on this. My boyfriend and I have had pre-marital sex, we live together, and are planning on getting married when we finish at university. We haven't been with anybody else (each others "first"). People have told me we should stop, which is hard to do, but for me its harder because I don't see the reason why. If I stop having sex for a couple years, til I get married that doesn't make me a virgin. It also doesn't change the fact that we have had sex. Does God care more that we stop for 2 years, or if we make love based out of LOVE not LUST. I just don't see what would change if we stopped having sex for our engagement. Not living with my boyfriend is not an option at this point in my life (for various reasons). Thanks!

Resources:

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On the Show Today:

Listener Question:

Hi Stu and Lisa. By God's grace, I'm slowly moving forward with my spouse after he committed sexual immorality with a girl from a karaoke bar whom he maintained for a year and 8 months. After the discovery and after we talked,  he said the line of communication is still opened between them. We are both professing Christians by the way. I insisted that he stop communicating with the girl but he would rationalize that he can only stop if he sees the girl back in her feet again. It really makes me very uncomfortable and it goes against my belief on what is right and wrong. I'm at a crossroad and having a hard time on what would be my next move. Please help me and enlighten me. Thanks.

Resources:

6 Reasons to Love your Unrepentant Spouse

How to Deal with an Unrepentant Spouse

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On the Show Today:

Listener Question:

At night when he gets home, he goes right to the couch after we eat dinner. It doesn't matter if there is a game on or not, he finds something to watch and disengages from life for the evening. We have stopped having sex because I am tired of trying to interest him in me anymore. I feel like I could parade in front of him naked and he would ask me to get him a snack from the kitchen. What do I do ? - Feeling Disconnected

Resources:

Making Love Last Forever - Gary Smalley (affiliate Link)

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On the Show Today:

Listener Question:

Is it technically a date if you don't have sex at the end? My wife and I fight about this because I would like dates to include sex, but she doesn't really want to have sex after a date.

Resources:

Making Love Last Forever - Gary Smalley (affiliate Link)

Align Expectations with Reality - Smalley Relationship Center

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On the Show Today:

Listener Question:

Here is something I have never heard talked about from a Christian / pro-marriage perspective. The old saying is, "behind every great man is a great woman", or some variation of that. The feminist movement and modern culture would have us believe this is no longer true. What is your perspective on this?  Can a great, supportive woman make a great, successful man? What are the attributes of that great woman?

Thanks for your thoughts. I really enjoy your show.

Resources:

Is a Man Really the Head of the Household? - Dave Willis

How to Be a Proverbs 31 Husband - Stu Gray

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On the Show Today:

Listener Question:

My husband and stepson never pick up after themselves. They never put anything away including things in the yard. I clean it up because we have a small home and I have to keep it tidy. But when is it enough to say I've had it?.... I need someone to help me clean up. May I ask... do other wives have the same issue?

Resources:

A "Who does What" List adapted from John Gottman

How to deal with Typical Marriage Problems

I Like Hugs and Kisses, but What I really like is Help with the Dishes.

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On the Show Today:

Listener Question:

My husband and I got married nearly a year ago and moved to a new town where he started a new job in the local church.  

I was wondering if you guys could talk a bit about personal faith and spirituality and how it fits into a Christian marriage.  The first year in a marriage is known to be rather eye-opening and my husband and I have had our fair share of struggles over housework and cohabitation.  However I feel that our deepest problem is how different we are in our own personal walks of faith and I’d really appreciate some advice on how to be one in our walk with God, and how to put God first both as individuals and as a couple.

I love my husband very deeply and I really struggle with our differences because I feel that it has a negative impact on how much I admire and respect him.  Therefore it impacts on how badly he feels about his lack of spirituality and he feels inferior. I think we both sense that God has so much more for him, how do I help him find it without emasculating his role as the spiritual head of our family?  And how should I nurture my own walk with God regularly in a way that doesn’t leave him out?

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On the Show Today:

Listener Question:

I’ve been with my husband 2 years this year. In high school, I experienced sexual assault and have found sex to be hard for me at times. We have talked about it and found ways that work for us and so that I don’t feel uncomfortable but I know that the nights we don’t have sex my husband sometimes watches porn and I feel like because of the anxieties I experience with sex I am leading him away from what God or creating a door for possible adultery in the future. I have tried to tell him in a way that wasn’t coming at him like an attack that I am uncomfortable with it. We don’t have a lot of sex so my question is am I wrong for not wanting him to watch porn? And if I’m not how can I talk to him about it in a way that won’t seem like I’m attacking him.

Resources:

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On the Show Today:

Listener Question:

I have developed a crush on someone who is not my husband. It happened at a small group that we are in at church. This guy is married and is a strong personality. I enjoy being around him and how he looks at his wife and kids. It's something that my husband doesn't do as much as he used to. Also, my husband doesn't seem as put together as he is. I haven't pursued anything with him, and I never would, but what do I say to my husband?

Resources:

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On the Show Today:

* If you would like the one sheet about helping with shame during sex with your spouse - sign up for our email, and we'll send it to you this weekend.

Listener Question: 

...My husband and I are in our mid/late twenties and have only been married for seven months.  

I'm starting to wonder if he is becoming too dependent on me.

One of the reasons I was attracted to him when we started dating was because he was a very independent person, and I respected that about him. Since we've been married, it has been bothering me when he asks me to do things for him that he could easily do for himself. Most of the time, they are just little things, but it is beginning to grate on me.

Some examples would be things like getting up to get something from the kitchen, finding lost objects, looking up information on the internet, running errands, solving problems...normal adult stuff that we all have to do. I'm a very giving person by nature, and I do take good care of him, but I also try to treat him with respect and to not mother him.

I want him to be an independent adult, not a husband who is dependent on his wife to function as an adult. It this a normal newlywed problem? Could I be overreacting, or is he expecting too much mothering from me?

Resources:

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On the Show Today:

* Our Son turned 13 this week and we enjoyed celebrating him

* Stu had his Dad and Father in Law write letters of blessing to Dean to celebrate a new season beginning. Stu seemed to appreciate it more than his son (right now!)

Listener Question: 

My husband and I have been married for just over a year, our marriage overall seems to be going at a steady pace! We attend church, we pray together, we are best friends & we are very happy! I, however, I have one issue. Whenever I and my husband are intimate I feel guilty.

I sometimes wonder if it’s because I grew up in a strict Christian household where I was taught sex was basically a bad thing until marriage & that me and my husband made the mistake of not waiting until we were married to be intimate, about 7 months before our wedding we both became super convicted and decided to stop being intimate with each other.

Now that we are married and living out gods design for marriage I want to be able to enjoy the intimacy God has planned for us without feeling like I’m sinning even when I am not, I thought when we quit being intimate before marriage it would solve my guilty conscience but it hasn’t & I am over always feeling this overwhelming guilt.

I know it’s In my head and that it’s something I need to work through. I have asked for forgiveness and prayed a lot about this specific topic but I am struggling to find the relief I am wishing for.

Resources:

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On the Show Today:

*Labor Day week in the States, so this show highlights a conversation from Stu and Lisa about being a student of your spouse 

*They also answer a question from a listener about being a student of your spouse

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On the Show Today:

*Anniversary week for Stu and Lisa. I looked it up. Year 15 is "Crystal". 

Listener Question: I love the marriage show, your advice has helped me in many ways I feel happier and Have a more positive outlook on marriage...My question today is, you’ve talked about how growing up we were always taught sex is bad, don’t do it. How do we now teach our kids that sex is great but only in marriage. I feel like if you tell them it’s great it’s going to make them want to do it. How do you make it a positive thing without seeming like your okaying it outside of marriage? Thank you

Resources:

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On the Show Today:

*We got new Toilets in our house. It's the little things.

Well, it was actually a big thing that we have wanted to do for three years. #adultingwin

*Stu is battling a stomach "something" Prayers appreciated :) Thanks

Listener Question:

We’ve talked about kids before getting married and got on the same page with things like how many and names, even that we’d be open to fostering kids. now that we are more serious about it we talked about jobs after kids. I don’t want to work when we have children ... He on the other hand says I have to work.

He wants me back to work as soon as maternity leave is over. We both work in the same place and don’t make much money, even together. We talked about him getting a better job so I can stay home with the kids and he gets mad and sarcastic and says maybe I should get a better job so he can stay home. He has work ethic and goes to work 40 hours every week (as do I) so I don’t want to say he’s lazy but I dont See what he does all day at work and his job allows him to play on his phone and sit most of the day....

So it’s not like I’m asking him to quit his dream job and goals for me. I wish he would want to work hard for me and our family since staying home with the kids is very important to me....

I understand in some situations women have to work and there’s no other option. And some women want to work and don’t mind leaving their children with a babysitter or putting them in daycare or even the father staying home instead and that's perfectly fine but that’s just not what I want to do...

Am I being selfish in wanting to stay home with our kids? Am I disrespecting my husband if I do stay home anyways? And is it wrong of me to ask him to get a better job to support us? How do I explain it to him in a way were he doesn’t get angry and overwhelmed thinking he has to support us even tho I feel as the man he should?

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On the Show Today:

*The Battle of "Fine" Do you have this battle in your marriage too? *Subscribe to our free email updates: Stupendous Marriage. com

Listener Question:

My husband and I have been married for a few years now and we have a toddler. I've found myself struggling with frustration and discontentment as a stay-at-home mom. Before we got married, I'm sure I pictured myself as this ideal Christian wife and mom, being involved at church together as a family, decorating my Pinterest-perfect home, etc.

In reality, my husband's present work schedule doesn't allow us to do ministry as a family, we are living in a small apartment that doesn't feel like home, and plans for the future are still up in the air. This isn't where I want our family to be, and I've started to take my frustration out on my husband. God has really been convicting me about my spirit, and I want to be  a happier more content wife and mom. I'd like your practical advice on how to reconcile expectation vs. reality.

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*God shows up in an Unfamiliar Ways (The Belonging - Look for John Cameron) *Joshua 5:13-15 *Cast Your Cares on the Lord

Listener Question:

I would like physical intimacy to be a journey that we go on together.  I compare it to traveling, there is this big world out there and I want to go visit these destinations with my wife.  I want to go on a journey and see stuff with her, not by myself or with somebody else.  I want to communicate about, explore, experiment, and figure out that journey together...She always asks me when is it enough, why isn’t what we do good enough.  And I say that it's not about the act, it's about the journey and exploring this together.  In the last 6 years, she has been a willing participant in just about anything I ask to do...this week I started to let go of this hope.  I told her that I would be affectionate, and do the things that she wanted to do but I would no longer pursue and push her to have sex.  That I would always be here if she ever wanted to go on that journey with me.

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On the Show Today: *Stu and Lisa are trying out the Keto Diet. We are doing pretty well, but its lots of adjusting what we eat! *I can do all things thru Christ who Gives me Strength. Philippians 4:13 *Lisa is more of a verbal/outloud processor *Stu is more of an internal processor *Journaling is a way that Stu Processes *The Love Dare (affiliate link) Listener Question: "I really struggle with respecting my husband.  He ...demands respect.  He makes decisions and deals with my children without consulting me.  ...I find him unreasonable and demanding most of the time and almost impossible to respect.   I am the primary income earner in my house and he has a struggling business.  ...I have tried everything and honestly I think he is actively pushing me away, waiting for me to pull the trigger on our 15-year marriage.  Any suggestions how I can untangle this knot? " ASK YOUR QUESTION: 1.615.592.1060 Support Stupendous Marriage!

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How do I Appreciate my Hard Working Wife? Episode 153

this post contains affiliate links On the Show Today: *Stu got bifocals. He feels old. *Living unoffendable lives. How do you do that? *Brant Hansen's Book Unoffendable * Ephesians 6:12 *Stupendous Marriage Email List to subscribe Listener Question: "I would like to know a few small things I could do so that my wife might know that I still love her and that I appreciate all she does. I apparently take her for granted so I need to change my ways or my wife will surely take off." RESOURCES: Dave Ramsey Bob Lotich just posted how he made over $2000 decluttering Dan Miller His book 48 Days to the Work You Love 2 Samuel 11:1 ASK YOUR QUESTION: 1.615.592.1060 Support Stupendous Marriage!

THANKS! Subscribe: iTunes| RSS|Google|Stitcher Show art: Photo by Andrej Lišakov on Unsplash Additional Music from Tri-Tachyon under a CC by 4.0 License