Whatever Happened to Pizza at McDonald's

In light of recent McDonald's-related developments in presidential politics, I consider giving up my status as a journalist to become a government lackey.

While investigating reports that Vice President Kamala Harris may have worked at McDonald's, I seek valuable intelligence from another fast food chain owned and operated by nearly six guys.

While visiting the White House to lobby "lame duck" President Biden on passing executive action related to the McDonald's Pizza matter, I suffer an embarrassing accident for which I must extend a sincere mea culpa.

After a Hawaiian Breeze-scented oil explosion forces me to take several baths, my fingers become so pruny that my home security is put at risk.

After last week's electrocution incident, I update the Glade Plugins medical department on my recent doctor's visit and receive some startling disinformation vis-à-vis which of their products is safe to heat up on the stove.

My award-pending investigative series Sériàlle comes to an abrupt end, when I am threatened with legal action by a major local New York newspaper.

My investigation into mysterious McDonald's Pizza matters in Canada leads me to a floating McDonald's in Vancouver which once played host to a team of Dracula chasers.

I employ the expertise of film critic Jordan Hoffman to analyse the quality of "Gone in a Heartbeat", the television movie adaptation of the Whitehorse McDonald's kidnapping.

Notable Canadian Mr. Steven Page joins the program to enlighten listeners about the nature of those dark and troubled souls who choose to live in Whitehorse, home of the McDonald's Pizza Kidnapping.

Professional treasure hunter Christian B. Roper shares startling and disturbing information about a brutal k-wording (kidnapping) that may have been committed as retaliation for serving pizza at the Whitehorse McDonald's.

On episode 1 of Sériàlle, our new serialized series about Canadian McDonald's Pizza matters, a remote town in the territory of Yukon Territory begins to reveal its startling secrets.

At great risk to my own personal safety, I uncover exactly who manufactures the pizza ovens currently being used by Tim Horton's. And this information is sure to throw McDonald's into an uncontrollable rage.

In the first of a mult-part series on recent pizza developments in Canada, I investigate the addition of pizza to the Tim Horton's menu.

Special deputy journalist Karl (Up There in Canada) files a report from a Toronto-area McDonald's that happens to be in the 2024 total solar eclipse's path of totality.

On a special Easter edition of the program, my plan to spread the Good News about McDonald's Pizza via Easter egg hunt is thwarted by an agent of the cloth.

Upon learning that Chick-fil-A is now serving pizza, I seek to discover whether it is prepared in the same way as the restaurant's standard menu items (blessed by Jesus Ben-David, a.k.a. The Christ).

To make sure McDonald's Pizza does not fall victim to rising fast food costs, I test a plan to secure a cheap pizza crust supply chain by fishing them out of dumpsters.

After careful consideration, I have decided not to run for president of the United States, and I contact my journalist colleagues to let them know why.

Upon further review and contact from the KFC corporation's legal team, I issue some retractions and clarifications about statements I made concerning the KFC Chizza.

As KFC is poised to introduce a monstrous chicken/pizza hybrid product called the Chizza, I arrange to care for the poor victims who may be affected.

I go undercover to investigate the mysterious success of McDonald's Italy's pizza-like novelty called the panzerotti.

I tell the tale of my visit to The View and the unfortunate encounter I had with Ms. Whoopi Goldberg.

On the anniversary of the publication of the second edition of my board game, I suffer a medical emergency while comparing my game to a popular competitor called Monopoly.

I incorporate a new company, Panoply Polling (a wholly owned subsidiary of Pizzaply Polling), to call people on the telephone and ask their opinions of McDonald's Pizza.

At the risk of exposing personal details about the health of my bodily person, I reveal the reason why this episode of the program was delayed.

On my paranormal-themed sub-podcast Crust to Crust AM, I investigate the connection between McDonald's experimental new beverage restaurant CosMc's and extraterrestrials from outer space.

On this special Christmas edition of the program, I debut a new poem about celebrating the birthday of Christ Ben-David while living in New York City.

I interview one highly qualified candidate and one slightly less qualified candidate to be my new unpaid intern in charge of the McDonald's Pizza misinformation "beat".

After being treated rudely by my colleagues in legacy media, I seek revenge by lodging an official complaint.

In this first of a special two-part episode(s), my search for an unpaid intern to help me cover the McDonald's Pizza misinformation "beat" ends in utter rudeness from my respected colleagues.

On this day of Thanksgiving, I have trouble giving thanks to Postmates, who delivered my turkey in sub-optimal condition.

I offer the United Nations my plan to end all wars if they agree to my terms re: McDonald's Pizza.

In an effort to gain leverage over the McDonald's Corporation, I endeavor to supply them with cheap sawdust for use in their hamburger patties.

On a special Halloween edition of the program, I seek spiritual/technical support for my malfunctioning Ouija board.

I am forced to travel far from home to investigate whether Taylor Swift dresses as Ronald McDonald's in her new motion picture. In the process, I befriend a fellow "journo" there to experience the experience himself.

While visiting a famous painting of a woman in gold, I was surprised to discover the galerie offered no information about this painting's relation to the McDonald's Golden Arches.

Upon learning a certain social media mogul might want to use my book to train his artificial intelligence, I endeavor to ban him from purchasing said book at his local bookseller.

Concerned about who will inherit my investigative journalism empire, I pursue the possibility of cloning my own heir.

With McDonald's removing self-serve soda machines from their dining rooms, I call upon an expert in the art of jerking soda to explore the idea of the old-fashioned soda jerk making a return to the pubic sphere.

I am joined by my colleague, journalist Jason Koebler of 404 Media, who shares with me his reporting on the potential of hacking McDonald's McFlurry machines and other McDonald's equipment such as mainframe computers storing pizza secrets, etc.

Waning interest in superheroes means McDonald's is about to dump massive amounts of unsold Loki Season 2 branded sweet n' sour sauce into our fragile environment. I inform the authorities.

I officially announce my relocation to New York City, a.k.a. Pizza Town, USA, and set up a briefing with one of the area's top officials: the honorable Mayor Eric Adams.

With the podcasting industry in financial ruins, I reclaim the abandoned trademark for the Panoply Network and reinstate my program as one of its flagship titles.

Continuing my investigation into the disappearing items on the McCafe bakery menu, I travel to my local McDonald's to find some answers. And perhaps, to make a new friend.

McDonald's has pulled McCafe Bakery items from their menu. Is this history repeating itself? No, but I go undercover as a long haul truck driver to get to the bottom of it anyway.

Disturbed by the recent Grimace's birthday milkshake TikTok trend's disrespect toward those who have actually passed away due to the consumption of McDonald's food, I seek to memorialize these fallen heroes in a manner befitting their station.

I attempt to understand a piece of McDonald's Pizza fan fiction involving characters from a popular "Japanimation" program.

In the wake of the total collapse of the podcast advertising market, I seek a sponsorship from a popular purveyor of green gut powder. But when I try a sample mixed with a limited edition Grimace's birthday McDonald's milkshake, the results are less than ideal.

A Silicon Valley startup using robot labor to make pizzas has shut down. Before I purchase the automotons for my own uses (bringing back McDonald's Pizza), I consult with a spiritual advisor to answer the question of whether these automoton workers possess human souls.

Because I have to prerecord this week's episode due to my recovery from major oral surgery, I employ the awesome powers of a psychic practitioner to help me make sure I do not miss any upcoming events.

As I prepare to undergo potentially fatal oral surgery, I arrange for my Willow 2: Through the Portal of Time documents to be displayed in one of the most sacred shrines to Hollywood royalty.

The local New York-area newspaper called The New York Times has released a new audio application that has dire consequences for one of my elderly sub-contractors.

I reveal my plan to deincentivize child labor violations at McDonald's by teaching children the Good News about McDonald's Pizza while they are still living inside a human womb.

In this special presentation of the season 2 premiere of Pizzaply Media's hit true crime podcast "Evidence File", the new anonymous Australian host explores the murder of the former anonymous Australian host.

After a round of high-level corporate layoffs, I enroll all "whistle-blowing" former executives in my miniature witness protection program.

A special presentation of my educational lecture delivered live at Boston College (one of the Boston colleges).

Broadcasting live from the restroom of a public bus on my way to lecture in Boston, Massachusetts, I answer listener questions about McDonald’s Pizza and other matters.

I open the proverbial "vault" and unleash a long lost episode of the program from days of yore.

A congressman gives me an idea for how to purchase my own McDonald's franchise using farmed hogs.

An announcement of my rare, in-person live lecture at Boston College on 3/29.

My colleagues at NPR allow me to rebroadcast a segment from their series StoryCorps about a poor moonshiner whose life was changed forever by the taste of original recipe McDonald's Pizza.

On this emergency "breaking news" edition of the program, I investigate a bizarre request from former president Donald Trump, who visited an Ohio McDonald's. In the process, I use artificially intelligent voice cloning technology to go undercover as the former president himself.

I "catch up" on developments I missed re: artificial intelligence. In the process, I use an AI chatbot to help me write a touching tale about McDonald's Pizza.

An investigation into a new McDonald's product called the New Tuna Cheesy Pizza Bread necessitates the answering of an oft-posed question: What is a pizza? For answers, I turn to the definition experts by telephoning the dictionary.

I attempt to forensically analyze an original Canadian McDonald's Pizza box I received as a gift from the editors of Funicular Magazine.

In an attempt to circumvent some Bic's Wite-Out based redactions on a sensitive McDonald's Pizza document I obtained from the National Security Agency, I suffer a minor incendiary accident.

I investigate the security implications of the McDonald's corporation sharing sensitive pizza secrets on the Tick Tock video platform.

On the season three premiere of Whatever Happened to Pizza at McDonald's?, I am finally awarded a well-deserved award and arrange for the proper home security with which to protect it.

In this touching conclusion to my 2022 Christmas Special, an old friend gives me a glimpse of a dark future where McDonald's Pizza is all but forgotten.

In this first part of my 2022 Christmas special, I am stopped from following through on a dangerous aquatic activity by a mysterious figure from my past.

In light of recent nuclear fusion discoveries, I protect myself against a potential explosive disaster by planning to construct a convenient underground bunker.

I expose some disturbing information about the host of a Hulu reality competition webseries about pizza making.

I investigate some intriguing information (or, potentially, disinformation) about McDonald's Pizza recounted by a fellow journalist during the 2022 Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

On this special Thanksgiving edition of the program, I offer a sample prayer to use with your family, provide some food safety tips when stuffing your turkey, and offer some further details on my plan to drown myself if I do not receive enough Patreon patrons in my pledge drive.

I investigate replacing the troubled Twitter.com service with the CB radio community. Plus, I announce a new Pizzaply Media program and launch my first Patreon pledge drive by declaring if I do not gain 50 new patrons by the end of the month, I will drown myself in the Los Angeles River.

On this special Halloween edition of the program, I recount the story of a haunted McDonald's and make plans for how to distribute chicken McNuggets to trick or treaters while I am away from home.

I am refused spiritual guidance regarding the aftermath of my consumption of a marijuana cigarette.

I investigate the new so-called "adult Happy Meals" by altering my consciousness with legal drugs.

A listener does some deputy journalism in Brooklyn, and my investigation into a mysterious Facebook page leads me to the darkest wilderness of South Dakota.

Continuing my investigation into the deranged McDonald's fans of Facebook, I explore a bizarre page devoted to the Mediterranean Sea and expose myself to the dark secrets within.

Further investigation into the deranged minds behind strange comments on the official McDonald's Facebook page leads me down a darker and darker path.

I attempt to recreate a pizza-adjacent menu item from McDonald's Singapore by smashing a bag of snack mix with a hammer.

I investigate shockingly similar and somewhat deranged comments beneath an historic post on the official McDonald's Facebook page.

I investigate the introduction of pizza to the Tim Horton's menu.

In my continuing quest to become a hacker so that I might be able to hack into McDonald's most secret computers, I prepare to enroll in Hacker High School, a hacking school open only to teenage students.

I further my investigatory skills by seeking to become a hacker.

Live from the parking lot of a McDonald’s.

An announcement concerning my overnight stealth camping expedition in a McDonald's parking lot.

I announce the success of my McDonald's stealth camping fundraiser. Plus, I address breaking news about the discontinuation of the Choco Taco and go undercover to investigate its disappearance.

I embark on my mission to crowd fund a campaign to camp overnight in the parking lot of a McDonald's.

To "get in the mind" of accomplished radio broadcaster Art Bell, I speak with another accomplished radio broadcaster, Tom Scharpling of "The Best Show", who offers some sound advice on how best to deal with the issue of the typographical error on Art Bell's tombstone.

I consult a spiritual guide to seek God's blessing over my impending marriage and to answer some questions I have about whether God is a ghost made of ectoplasm.

In my ongoing effort to correct the typographical error on Art Bell's headstone, I seek to become a member of his family through the art of seduction.