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You’ve made the commitment. You’ve caught the vision. You want to serve God in every aspect of your family life— but sometimes it’s hard to put feet on that vision! How do you get from principle to practice? What does it look like when you get there? How do you apply Scriptural truth in a 21st century family? This is “Making Biblical Family Life Practical,” with Hal and Melanie Young. With humorous banter, laser beam insight, and lots of practical advice, Hal and Melanie address real world issues, current events, marriage, parenting, raising sons, and family life. They’ll encourage and inspire you to walk out the Word of God in your family — and work toward reforming our culture, too. Monday nights at 9 Eastern. Don’t miss it!
478 - Getting Your Kids Field Trip-Ready! – MBFLP 309
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- 478 - Getting Your Kids Field Trip-Ready! – MBFLP 309
We've all been there - trying to enjoy a museum, historic site, or some other exhibition, but the visit is distracted - or ruined - by children running amok. What can we do about our own kids, so they get the benefit of a field trip, and not become spoilers for other visitors?
Recently we read about a young boy who accidentally broke an ancient jar in an Israeli museum. He wasn't being disrespectful or even disruptive - just curious. But his natural curiousity had awful results ...
So how can we prepare our children to visit grown-up-oriented events and learn from the experience, while behaving in a respectful and quiet manner that's courteous toward others?
We've got eight children, and as much as possible, we've taken them wherever we go. We've been everywhere from the Gettysburg battlefield to art museums in China with kids of all ages - but the key is preparation! This episode we're talking about positive steps we've done ahead of time, and some parenting hacks while we're on site, that have made this possible. It can be done!
You May Find Interesting
Boy accidentally smashes 3500-year-old jar on museum visit
BBC News: Jack Burgess - 27 Aug 2024
Boy ... welcomed back to museum
Associated Press via CNN.com - 2 Sep 2024
Children in "Big Church"
Making Biblical Family Life Practical - Ep. 218
Thu, 24 Oct 2024 - 18min - 477 - MBFLP – How To Be Happily Married While Homeschooling (Replay
Happily Married While Homeschooling?
Happily Married and Homeschooling, podcast episode of Making Biblical Family Life Practical with Hal & Melanie Young.
Everyone tells you that homeschooling isn't an educational choice, but a lifestyle! Should we be surprised if we discover that homeschooling has an impact on our marriage? It's true, and if we're not watchful, our marriage could be a weak spot in our family's new endeavor. Hal and Melanie have been married for 27 years and homeschooling for 20, and this week they share some ideas of stumbling blocks to avoid and how you can make both your homeschool and your relationship strong!
This episode sponsored by CTC Math.
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The lessons are taught the traditional way, not to a “test”.
Each one of the video tutorials is taught by an internationally acclaimed teacher, Pat Murray, who is renowned for teaching math concepts in a simple, easy-to-understand way (and in only a few minutes at a time). Using a multi-sensory approach having the combination of effective graphics and animation synchronized with the voice of a friendly teacher together with practical assessment. This three-pronged attack makes learning so much easier and more effective. Even students who struggled with math are getting fantastic results! And ones who were doing OK before are now doing brilliantly.
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Real. Authentic. Practical.
We’re Hal and Melanie Young. We’re not just authors and speakers, but we’re the parents of six sons (in a row!) and two daughters. The experience of raising this van-full has proved two things - you need God’s wisdom to raise a family, and you need help to make it practical!
That’s our goal and message—start with Biblical foundations,Tue, 03 Sep 2024 - 58min - 476 - Teens, Preteens, and Social Anxiety – MBFLP 263 (Replay)
One of the hallmarks of adolescent behavior is social awkwardness, often to the point of anxiety. That's true in the best of times! Yet here we are after a year of pandemic alarms, mandates, and "abundance of caution," and you may be finding your young people are not eager to begin seeing people outside the family again. What can we do to help our teens and preteens resume normal, healthy interactions?
Teens and Navigating Adolescence
Navigating adolescence is challenging in the best of times, with social awkwardness often leading to anxiety. For many young people, this awkwardness is a natural part of growing up, but it can become overwhelming, especially after extended periods of social isolation. The past year has been particularly tough, marked by pandemic-related alarms, mandates, and an overwhelming emphasis on "abundance of caution." As we begin to emerge from this period, you might notice that your teens and preteens are hesitant, if not outright resistant, to reengage with the world beyond the family. The question now is: how can we help our young people regain their social confidence and return to normal, healthy interactions?
First, it's important to recognize that your child’s reluctance is not unusual. The social disruptions caused by the pandemic have impacted many adolescents' mental health. According to the Mott Poll Report from March 15, 2021, titled "How the Pandemic has Impacted Teen Mental Health," there's been a notable increase in anxiety and stress among teens. This makes the need for supportive interventions even more critical.
Teen Resources
One useful resource to understand this challenge is Dr. Jean Twenge’s book iGen, which explores the characteristics of today's young generation. Our recent podcast episode delves into this book, highlighting how these traits have been further shaped by the pandemic's unique pressures. By understanding the broader context of what our teens are experiencing, we can better support them.
In addition to these insights, there are practical ways to ease your child back into social settings. Consider engaging them in creative activities that also involve social interaction, such as those offered by Craftsman Crate. Whether through a subscription, individual boxes, or party packs, Craftsman Crate provides hands-on projects that can help your teens rebuild their confidence while fostering social connections in a low-pressure environment.
By understanding the challenges and offering supportive resources, we can help our teens and preteens navigate this transition and resume healthy social interactions.
Resources We Reference
Our episode reviewing Dr. Jean Twenge's book iGen about characteristics of our children's generation
"How the Pandemic has Impacted Teen Mental Health," Mott Poll Report, 3/15/21
Craftsman Crate by subscription, individual boxes, or party packs
Thank you to our sponsor, CTCMath.com
Tue, 20 Aug 2024 - 20min - 475 - The Bible is Reliable – MBFLP 308
Jews and Christians are known in many cultures as "The People of the Book." Our faith is grounded on the truth of God's word! But there is a definite history of how that word was given, recorded, and distributed over the centuries. This episode, recorded at the Museum of the Bible in Washington, D.C., we're talking about teaching your family about that history and the reliability of the text we have today!
Resources We Recommend
Josh McDowell, More Than A Carpenter
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity
Lee Strobel, The Case for ChristThu, 25 Jul 2024 - 474 - Time Off – Vacation, the Bible, and Your Budget – MBFLP 307
It's summertime, and like many families, we're on vacation! Our annual trip to the lake is a tremendous encouragement after all the travel and work of conference season. You know what else is encouraging? To realize the Bible supports the idea!
God established a pattern of work and rest from the very beginning - creating the world in six days and ceasing His work on the seventh. It was a matter of civil law in the Old Testament, but Jesus explained that the day of rest was a blessing given to man.
In the Gospels, Jesus took His disciples aside for a time of rest after a strenuous period of ministry. (Not unlike our vacation!) And sometimes special occasions would call for a pause in the daily routine - like a wedding.
So there are examples in the Bible of doing just this - taking time off work and doing something different. It's meant to restore our strength and courage for the tasks we return to. It may be a time to relax, or a time to do something active - but a change from our regular work.
WHAT SHOULD IT LOOK LIKE?
"Vacation" doesn't have to be a multi-thousand-dollar cruise or resort stay. We've done all kinds of things on a tight budget (raising eight kids on one income, and part of that time in ministry!).
* "Daycations" - go visit nearby museums, state parks, or other places you might have overlooked
* Camping - We have literally camped across the U.S., in tents - no RVs! National Forest campgrounds are inexpensive and they've always been well-maintained. And you don't need a lot of fancy equipment - we found when we camped often while traveling, we got to be minimalists with our gear. (It's not cheating for Mom and Dad to have an air mattress, though)
* Business trips - Often our whole family went with Dad on training and meeting travel. While he was in class, the rest of the family visited historic sites, museums, and natural attractions. Often, the company would cover the cost of gas instead of the airfare they expected!
* Add a few days to a college trip - We often did this when moving a student into or out of the dorms. You're already going there, why not enjoy the local places together?
SCRIPTURES WE REFERENCE
The pattern of work and rest was established before the Fall!
Thus the heavens and the earth, and all the host of them, were finished. And on the seventh day God ended His work which He had done, and He rested on the seventh day ... Then God blessed the seventh day and sanctified it ... (Genesis 2:1-3)
A weekly time of rest is a blessing to mankind
"The Sabbath was made for man, and not man for the Sabbath." (Jesus, in Mark 2:27)
There are seasons when it is appropriate to set aside regular work
"When a man has taken a new wife, he shall not go out to war or be charged with any business; he shall be free at home one year, and bring happiness to his wife whom he has taken." (Deuteronomy 24:5)
Jesus saw the need for recuperation after extended work
Then the apostles gathered to Jesus and told Him all things, both what they had done and what they had taught. And He said to them, “Come aside by yourselves to a deserted place and rest a while.” For there were many coming and going, and they did not even have time to eat. So they departed to a deserted place in the boat by themselves. (Mark 6:30-32)
You Might Find Helpful ...
Long Distances with Little Ones
Family Travel HacksThu, 18 Jul 2024 - 473 - Dealing with Disrespect – MBFLP 201 (replay)
"My son shows me disrespect." "How can I deal with the disrespect from our kids?" "What can I do to teach my children to be more respectful?" It's something we all have to deal with as parents, and yet it's hard - and some of us struggle more than we expected! This episode, we look at the very real question of respect - teaching our kids to show it, dealing with them when they don't, where this may be coming from, and what God expects from all of us!
Thank you to our episode sponsor, CTC Math.
Fri, 12 Jul 2024 - 472 - Are They Ready for College? – MBFLP 305
Are they ready for college?There's more than academics at stake!
This episode is Sponsored by CTC Math.
If your student is heading for college - next year or several years from now - of course you're going to pay attention to class work, transcripts, resumes and such. But as we're preparing our seventh student this fall, we're thinking about a lot of things which never make it to a report card or CV - things like emotional maturity, spiritual development, and more. This episode we're talking about those critically import matter which will be remembered long after the tassel is moved!
Other episodes to enjoy:
Top Skills for College
Best of Homschooling IRL: Affording College | Special Replay
Wed, 03 Jul 2024 - 19min - 471 - Family Devotions – What Does This Look Like? – MBFLP 303
A lot of Christian homes don't have experience with family devotions. Where do you even start? What's appropriate for our kids at their ages? This episode, we're following up our previous show about why to have devotions - now, we're looking at how! Join us for some ideas that we've found really useful with our family of ten.
Mon, 04 Mar 2024 - 17min - 470 - Having Family Devotions Even When It’s Hard – MBFLP 302
One of the most critical responsibilities of Christian parents is to teach our children to know and love the God we serve. One of the best ways is to have regular times of family worship and Bible study - but honestly, life is busy and kids are distracted and distracting, and it's just hard to stay on track. This episode we're being realistic and encouraging for real parents like you!
Sat, 02 Mar 2024 - 20min - 469 - Encouraging Your Teen Driver – MBFLP 301
Encouraging Your Teen Drivers
More and more Gen-Z'ers are delaying their driver's licenses ... but we're helping our eighth child through the process right now! This is a step toward adult independence and a big help to the family right now ... as we've seen time and again. This episode we're talking about why and how we encourage our young drivers to reach for the wheel!
This podcast episode sponsored by The Ark and the Darkness.
We’re watching our eighth child going through driver’s ed and preparing for her license, and we’re realizing this is not as common as it once was. When we were teenagers, gaining that license was a major life goal, as soon as the law and the parents would allow it! While it still is for some teens, the numbers have dropped off sharply.
Researchers found the proportion of high school seniors with their driver’s license dropped from nearly 90% in the mid-eighties to less than 75% today. In some states, that number dipped to 65%. *
Some people cite the rise of ride-sharing services like Lyft and Uber, and point out they are popular with young people. That may be true enough, but the decline started before ride-sharing was created, and the decline is even greater in rural areas where Uber doesn’t go than in urban areas where the app is popular.
In contrast, we have always felt it important for our teenagers to learn to drive as soon as possible. It’s a step toward adult independence, and a skill that is helpful for so many reasons – for the family they’re in right now, not just future situations!
*[Ref: Jean Twenge and Heejung Park, “The Decline in Adult Activities Among U.S. Adolescents, 1976-2016” (Child Development, 2017)]
Fri, 02 Feb 2024 - 17min - 468 - Dealing with Selfishness – MBFLP 300
It is perfectly natural for our children (and ourselves) to be self-centered. It's also perfectly wrong! But how do we overcome this tendency in our children? Can we do it without constant nagging and scolding? What can we do to encourage our family members to look after one another, rather than each demanding his own way?
Passages We Mention:
Therefore if there is any consolation in Christ, if any comfort of love, if any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and mercy, fulfill my joy by being like-minded, having the same love, being of one accord, of one mind. Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus, who, being in the form of God, did not consider it robbery to be equal with God, but made Himself of no reputation, taking the form of a bondservant, and coming in the likeness of men. (Philippians 2:1-7)
* For the word of God is living and active and sharper than any two-edged sword ... (Hebrews 4:12)
Other Resources
Pam Forster, For Instruction in Righteousness (Doorposts)
Check out our subscription box!
Thu, 26 Oct 2023 - 22min - 467 - MBFLP – Homeschooling In Hard Times
So many of us began homeschooling out of conviction that God wanted us to do it. Our commitment can be shaken if we come on hard times. We've homeschooled through job loss, high-risk pregnancy, financial challenge, and stage IV cancer, and we learned it can be done. This week we talk about why you ought to hang on to your convictions, and we'll offer some practical ideas we've learned while Homeschooling In Hard Times!
This podcast is sponsored by Reading Eggs.Mon, 02 Oct 2023 - 1h 02min - 466 - MBFLP – Homeschooling With Special Needs | Replay
Homeschooling with Special Needs
This week we talk about homeschooling when your student has special needs--and why home education is a blessing to them. Our guests are the special needs consultants from the Home School Legal Defense Association, Betty Statnick, Krisa Winn, and Faith Berens.
This podcast is sponsored by Reading Eggs.
Fri, 01 Sep 2023 - 29min - 465 - Reading Fiction as a Christian – MBFLP 299
We're both avid readers, and we've raised a whole nest of readers - our house is full of books -- and not just the parents'! We've talked about some our personal favorites, but this episode we're looking at whole genres of fiction. How should we, as Christians, approach fictional literature? Are there any kinds to beware of? What do we think about science fiction, fantasy, suspense, romance, mystery, or other sorts? And how do we sort the range of material in each group? If you're a reader, or you have kids who are, check this out!
Passages we referenced:
King David and the prophet Nathan (2 Samuel 12:1-15)
Jesus' teaching in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:27-28)
The parable of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15:11-32)
To do evil is like sport to a fool,
But a man of understanding has wisdom. (Proverbs 10:23)
"I, the LORD, search the heart, I test the mind,
Even to give to every man according to his ways." (Jeremiah 17:10)
"For the LORD does not see as man sees;for man looks at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart.”
(1 Samuel 16:7)
Episodes about discernment:
222 - Teaching Discernment
191 - Talking About the Movies
133 - Watching with Discernment
and more! Browse the archives for more ideas and encouragement!
PLUS get this free resource - our downloadable Reading Pack!
This episode brought to you by
Wed, 20 Sep 2023 - 25min - 464 - What To Expect Senior Year – MBFLP 298
It's an exciting milestone in a homeschooling family - high school graduation just around the corner! Or maybe it's on the horizon and approaching fast. Either way, what can you do to prepare yourself and your student for this big transition?
We've graduated six so far, so we're talking about things we found helpful as we lined up our teenagers for the big step coming up!
Episodes You Might Find Helpful:
291 - Graduation Early, or Late?
246 - Planning for College (even during COVID)
234 - Teaching "Adulting"
230 - College Without Debt or Fortune
226 - Unexpected Benefits of Graduation
210 - Entrepreneurship and College
206 - Doubling Down on Seventeen
205 - Preparing Your Teens for More
163 - Apprenticeship
147 - What Time is Curfew?
130 - Interviewing for Job and College
126 - Growing in Christ at a Secular College
... and more! Browse the whole archive to find more about parenting teens and interacting with your college students and young adults.
This episode brought to you by
Mon, 18 Sep 2023 - 21min - 463 - Homeschooling with Babies and Toddlers Around – MBFLP 297
Homeschooling doesn't (and shouldn't) look like a classroom school. One big difference is multiple ages together - and sometimes, the younger ones aren't even school-age yet! How do you manage to teach your older kids while you have nursing babies and demanding toddlers in the room? It's possible - we did it for our eight kids! - so, in this episode, we talk about how to make it work in your family, too.
Thank you to our sponsor, Route 60 – The Biblical Highway.In theaters September 18th & 19th only. Please check the website to learn more about this wonderful movie.
Resources We Mentioned
What does a multi-grade classroom look like? Check out Laura Ingalls Wilder's books, particularly Little Town on the Prairie and These Happy Golden Years
For ideas about homeschooling the very young, and some great picture book recommendations, CLICK HERE
And speaking of picture books - here's an earlier episode where we talked with a retired school librarian (Hal's mom!) about the value and the joy of classic children's books
Mon, 11 Sep 2023 - 22min - 462 - Bringing History to Life! – MBFLP 296
We've seen that understanding history can help us navigate the present, too! The question is, how can we help our children learn to appreciate history like we do? What can we do to spark their interest, to make it memorable, and bring it to life for them? This episode we talk about several things we've built into our homeschooling family life to elevate history from dry lists of names and dates to a lively narrative of people, places, and ideas - in short, a grand story!
Thanks to our sponsor CTC Math. CTC is a highly rated math curriculum for homeschooled students for grades K-12. The family math package makes it ideal for large families at a low price. Visit the website for more information.
Fri, 18 Oct 2024 - 21min - 461 - Why Teach History? – MBFLP 295
Here in the technology-driven 21st century, why should we bother our kids with names and dates from the past? Shouldn't we be looking forward, not backwards? Does history really have much bearing on the world our children will inherit, and how they deal with it?
We would say emphatically YES, we need to learn history! There's a strong Biblical example to support that, and experience should tell us that we can learn from the past - what to do, and what not to do. But the question may be, how do we teach the subject in a way that doesn't kill any interest our children might have?
In this episode, we're looking at why and how we teach history to our own kids, and why we all love it so much!
This podcast is sponsored by Route 60: The Biblical Highway
Our audiobook version of Hero Tales from American History
Historical fiction in audiobook form
Scripture We Referenced
“Remember the days of old,
Consider the years of many generations.
Ask your father, and he will show you;
Your elders, and they will tell you ..." (Deuteronomy 32:7)
The establishment of the Passover feast:
"And it shall be, when your children say to you, ‘What do you mean by this service?’ that you shall say, ‘It is the Passover sacrifice of the LORD, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt when He struck the Egyptians and delivered our households.’ ” (Exodus 12:26-27)
(There are many passages describing children asking their father, "What is the meaning of this?", and the father taking the opportunity to explain the purpose of the memorial to the glory of God - see for instance, Exodus 13:11-16; Deuteronomy 6:20-24; Joshua 4:21-24; and more)Thu, 24 Aug 2023 - 19min - 460 - Don’t Skip the Picture Books – MBFLP 294
Do you have a precocious reader? We've had some! And when they're being homeschooled - and around grownups all day - their vocabulary can be surprisingly rich. So should we move them on into the youth books, and skip over the picture books and beginning reader stuff? Or is there a purpose for enjoying the simple books together, even when your child could read more complex things?
This episode we're talking with Hal's mom, Norma Young, a retired elementary school librarian with nearly three decades of choosing quality children's literature for young kids. There is indeed a good reason to enjoy the books we grew up with, and read them to our children just like they were read to us!
A resource we mentioned:
The Love of Reading - a downloadable collection of recommended reading lists for all ages, three helpful workshops on teaching reading, and discounts on other materials too!
This episode brought to you by Reading Eggs
Thu, 24 Aug 2023 - 27min - 459 - A Healthy Marriage, Day to Day (with Roger and Jan Smith) – MBFLP 293
What makes a marriage last? How do you build a strong and stable relationship for hard times and good times? Is it something more than just being "lucky in love"? This episode, we're talking with our friends and fellow teachers, Roger and Jan Smith. Between us, we have eighty years of marriage, twelve children, and a lot of practical experience! So join us as we chat about the ideas and habits we found most effective at creating and maintaining a healthy marriage from day to day!
Scriptures We Referenced
[Love] bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. (1 Corinthians 13:7)
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. ... Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her (Ephesians 5:22, 25)
Husbands, likewise, dwell with them with understanding, giving honor to the wife, as to the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers may not be hindered. (1 Peter 3:7)
Resources You Might Find Helpful
Parenting With Influence by Dr. Roger Smith
Roger Smith, MD - website
"Parenting Matters Now" - vlog
My Beloved and My Friend: How to be Married to Your Best Friend Without Changing Spouses - our book on marriage!
To find out more about Hal and Melanie speaking at your church, group, camp, or retreat, go to halandmelanie.comSat, 22 Jul 2023 - 24min - 458 - Parenting with Influence with Roger and Jan Smith – MBFLP 292
This week, we're talking with our friends Roger and Jan Smith, veteran homeschool leaders and speakers, about Roger's new book, Parenting with Influence. The parents of four adult children, Roger and Jan share the principles they found helpful preparing their kids to take on the responsibilities of adulthood, without resorting to legalism or overbearing control. It's a worthwhile book and this is a wide-ranging and entertaining conversation!
Fri, 14 Jul 2023 - 23min - 457 - Graduation – Early or Late? – MBFLP 291
Homeschoolers have the blessing of flexibility on so many issues - and graduation timing is one of them. Should you plan to graduate your student at 18? What about the precocious kids who might earn a diploma by 15? Or kids with health or learning issues, should they graduate later? We've had all three situations - this episode we're talking about what we decided and what we learned!
Thu, 06 Jul 2023 - 24min - 456 - Different Rules, Same Family – MBFLP 290
"You never would have let me do that," says the older child. "Why can't I do the same thing as my brother?" demands the younger. Parents may find themselves caught between competing complaints! But the fact is, many of our family rules can and should change as our children grow and mature - and that means different rules in the same family. This episode, we talk about why that is, and how we can explain it to our kids!
Things We Referenced:
When I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child; but when I became a man, I put away childish things. (The Apostle Paul, 1 Corinthians 13:11)
Surviving the Break with Your College Student (ep. 287)
Thoughts on giving liberty to adult children, while protecting younger siblings from influences they aren't ready to handle
Our free downloadable guide to "coming of age" ceremonies
Bored kids? Here's a great list of 101 things to do this summer!
This episode brought to you in part by
THE SUBSCRIPTION BOX THAT BUILDS YOUR SKILLS
Tue, 27 Jun 2023 - 28min - 455 - Rules and Relationship – MBFLP 289
Rules are a good and necessary part of running a home and raising a family. Why do our best efforts sometimes breed resentment or even rebellion, when it's all so well-intentioned? This episode we're looking at the crucial balance between rules and relationship in our home!
Scriptures We Reference
The Ten Commandments - Exodus 20:1-17, Deuteronomy 5:1-21
“Teacher, which is the great commandment in the law?”
Jesus said to him, “‘You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself. On these two commandments hang all the Law and the Prophets.” (Matthew 22:36-40)
Let each be fully convinced in his own mind. (Romans 14:5)
Children obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. (Ephesians 6:1)
So then, my beloved, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the anger of man does not produce the righteousness of God. (James 1:19-20)
The repentance of Ahab - 1 Kings 21:17-29
Tue, 02 May 2023 - 21min - 454 - Valentine’s Day on a Budget – MBFLP 288
Like it or not, February 14 is just around the corner. Maybe you've got big plans, but maybe you don't have the funds for a romantic getaway. With eight kids and a limited budget, we've been there! This episode we're talking about ways to make the most of the holiday without spending a fortune!
Why Celebrate Anyway?
The Bible describes several holidays which were instituted by God for the people of Israel. When they gathered to celebrate Passover, the Feast of Weeks, or the Feast of Tabernacles, the Jews were to take the occasion to remember God's blessings in history and the present.
The holiday of Purim was created by the people themselves, to memorialize the nation's deliverance from genocide (as recorded in the book of Esther). Even though it's not a pilgrimage festival like the ones God commanded, the Bible does record the celebration of Purim in favorable terms. It's easy to draw parallels to our own holidays, like the Fourth of July to celebrate our nation's independence, or Thanksgiving to remember God's blessings. They're not mandated by Scripture but they are opportunities to talk about God's working and God's gifts.
Valentine's Day may be low on the priority list, as "holy days" go, but we think it's a good time to think about our relationship with our mate and to enjoy some time to focus on one another. It's like birthdays and anniversaries, but everyone celebrating the same day! We hope you have a good one -
(resources follow ... )
Some Resources You May Find Interesting
Valentine's resources including conversation starters(as mentioned in the program)
Our weekly email "LoveBirdSeeds"
Love poetry from the Bible
Tue, 07 Feb 2023 - 21min - 453 - Surviving the Break with Your College Students – MBFLP 287 (Replay)
The holidays are upon us and we are looking forward to having our college students home again! But to be realistic, there's always a transition to bringing our young adults back into the household - and often both the student and the family ends up frustrated. This episode we're talking about things you can do - on both sides - to make the visit as smooth and pleasant as possible for everyone!
Parent Understanding
If you went to college, you remember the rush of exam week - and the mental and physical exhaustion at the end of it! Especially at Christmas and the end of the spring semester, your student will be arriving after a really tough week or two. We try to keep that in mind for their first several days home.
Expectations
Our unspoken hopes and preferences can set us up for disappointment and conflict. Maybe we parents look forward to seeing our young adult, but we're also looking forward having his help around the house again! For his side, maybe he's hoping for some relaxation from the stress of college -- or possibly, he has projects or homework to finish during his holiday. Maybe the younger siblings want a lot of attention from their big sister, when she really needs some peace and personal space - at least at first.
The best way to deal with these issues is to communicate ahead of time - gently, in love - and be willing to listen to one other and seek to accommodate everyone. All of those expectations are common and valid - the difficulty is how to address them all. If we cultivate patience and understanding together, we can probably find a mutually agreeable pathway.
Changing Channels
When Hal was working a corporate job, he had to remind himself on the commute home, "I have to leave the office door closed behind me and put on my family hat now." No matter what stress or disaster he'd left at work, when he came in the door, he knew the kids would be excited to see him, Melanie would be tired and need compassion, and he'd have to be ready to show love and concern to everyone at home.
Our college students need to think about that, too. While they're making the trip home, they need to consciously prepare themselves to be part of the family culture at the end of their trip. The way they live or even just survive on campus is a separate issue to what happens at home -- and they need to change gears before they get here.
In both cases there will be time and opportunity to share their struggles and disappointments, to seek advice and sympathy, but that will come after the initial rush of returning. Everyone will be happier at the end if the wanderer is ready to greet and be greeted first, and then seek the serious conversations after!
We dig deeper into the questions in our blog post here
Thanks to our sponsor! NowPrograms.com – visit the website for more information.
Fri, 08 Nov 2024 - 452 - Kids and Chores – MBFLP 286
Part Three of our series on work - Your kids and their chores! We have eight kids and with some health challenges around, it was really necessary that everyone contribute to running the house. This episode we deal with some common questions: Should children be paid for chores? Are we making tasks too difficult for kids to handle? What's appropriate to teach and expect from different ages? How do you handle chores for children with developmental or health issues? And what do you do to keep everyone from getting overwhelmed?
Some Resources We Mentioned
Our book Raising Real Men: Surviving, Teaching, and Appreciating Boys talks about training your sons in diligence
Our book No Longer Little: Parenting Tweens with Grace and Hope talks about training your sons and daughters to be producers, not consumers, and stewards of the money and things which God gives them
Craftsman Crate is our subscription box that teaches adult-level skills that will challenge and entertain your teens (and adults too!)
Mon, 31 Oct 2022 - 20min - 451 - Getting Schoolwork Done – MBFLP 285
Part 2 on getting our kids to work - What about school work? That's really the daily job for our children - whether it's homeschool or any other educational system. What can we do to overcome their natural resistance to school, and how can we encourage good habits in the pursuit of knowledge? We've homeschooled our eight children from the beginning and we have some practical ideas that have really helped us along the way!
0:55 - How our motivation affects the kids'
2:29 - The risk and cost of missing the actual point of education
4:54 - Protecting the love of learning
6:19 - Distinguishing a struggling learner from a lazy learner
8:36 - Temporary learning struggles happen, too
10:29 - a word from our sponsor CTC Math
11:44 - The trap of mis-placed goals
13:20 - Practical ideas to get the work done
Helpful Resources
Materials to help struggling learners available on our website
Our book No Longer Little talks about the common learning struggles of pre-teens in early adolescence - and how to work through them
Sun, 23 Oct 2022 - 20min - 450 - How Can I Get My Kids to Work? – MBFLP 284
It's one of the most common questions we get - "How can I get my kids to work?" Surveys find that a large number of families don't expect their kids to do chores - and many that do, have a running battle over getting them done cheerfully. This episode, we're talking about a balanced, Biblical attitude toward our children's work (as well as our own), and what we can do to encourage them in it!
References
"Sparing chores spoils children and their future selves, study says" - Ami Albernaz, Boston Globe (12/8/15)
"Is Quiet Quitting Real?" - Jim Harter, Gallup (9/6/22)
Thomas Edison: "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work."
Laura Ingalls Wilder, Farmer Boy
Scripture Referenced
Children playing in God's peaceable kingdom - Isaiah 11:8-9
Children playing in the New Jerusalem - Zechariah 8:5
Jesus speaking of the games of children in the marketplace - Matthew 11:16-17, Luke 7:31-32
It is good for a man to bear the yoke in his youth - Lamentations 3:27
Bondservants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but in sincerity of heart, fearing God. And whatever you do, do it heartily, as to the Lord ... - Colossians 3:22-23
In all labor there is profit ... - Proverbs 14:23
Do all things without complaining and disputing - Philippians 2:14
Fri, 14 Oct 2022 - 30min - 449 - Things We Learned When Times Were Tight – MBFLP 283
A lot of families are struggling during this economic downturn. It’s not the first time we’ve been through it, either. How do we respond in a positive, faith-directed manner to the undeniable challenges of the day? What can we learn and what can we teach our kids as we make our way through?
Wed, 05 Oct 2022 - 22min - 446 - Homeschooling a Bunch of Levels at Once – MBFLP 282
There are a lot of new homeschoolers this year, and many families may be wondering, "How will we ever manage to teach two, or three, or six grade levels at the same time?" It's possible - Melanie has taught six students with a toddler underfoot, more than once! But there are some tricks to the trade that make it workable. This episode we talk about changes in expectations and choices of curriculum that make the difference when you have more than one grade to teach!
Homeschooling looks different than institutional schools - for a reason
You have to recognize that classroom schools are set up and operated a certain way for efficiency with groups. If you're homeschooling, you don't have to manage twenty-five 5th graders - you have several different grades, with one student in each one. Have we ever heard of this?
Of course - the one-room schoolhouse. For an example, read about Laura Ingalls' school in Little Town on the Prairie - it's a great description of how she managed a room with beginning readers and high school students at the same time. That's not unlike a large homeschooling family!
Curriculum choices will be different, as well as the way we use them, compared to classroom schools. The whole endeavor needs a fresh look at what we plan to accomplish and how that should look - but you'll be glad you made the effort!
We homeschooled eight children and have graduated six so far - two still at home! And there have been times when we had a high school senior, a sophomore, two middle-schoolers, two elementary students - and one "pre-K". And you know, all six of our graduates have gone on to college with academic scholarships, which tells you this can work. This episode may give you the hope and encouragement you need to press on with this challenging adventure.
Fri, 02 Sep 2022 - 22min - 445 - Homeschooling When YOU Have a Chronic Illness – MBFLP 281
It's one thing when you're homeschooling a child with a chronic illness - sometimes that's the only way they'll get an education! But what if Mom's the one who's struggling? What if you're a parent with health issues, but you're convinced that homeschooling is the best for your kids? How can you manage your days, your illness, and your expectations? We've had to deal with this ourselves, and it CAN be done - let's talk about it!
Bonus Story
We didn't get to this in the program, but there's an interesting and encouraging story about long-term illness and doing good things in the midst of it. Susannah Spurgeon was the wife of the legendary British preacher Charles H. Spurgeon. She often helped him proofread and correct his published sermons and book manuscripts, and when she developed a debilitating condition that often confined her to bed, she was still able to do that. When she proofread his book Lectures to My Students, Susannah remarked that it should be in the hands of every minister in England; shortly afterward, she became the manager of the church's new book fund. Over the last 28 years of her life, she shipped out over two hundred thousand theological books to needy pastors - all while dealing with a life-restricting illness.
Read more here!
Melanie says that her months - many months - on bed rest gave her opportunities to teach our children life skills as well as academic material, simply because many of the household tasks were off limits to her. It really became a matter of looking for what she could do, rather than give in to the legitimate frustrations of what she couldn't.
Things We Referenced
Genesis 50:20 - "But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good ... "
Galatians 6:2 - Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 - Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Thank You to our Network Sponsor – CTC Math!
Mon, 22 Aug 2022 - 21min - 444 - Homeschooling a Child with a Chronic Illness – MBFLP 280
Everybody goes through seasons of illness - summer colds, seasonal flu, an occasional injury - and most of the time, we can take a few days off to get over them. But what if your student has a condition that doesn't get better with a week in bed? How can you homeschool a child who has an illness that has to be managed day by day, hour by hour? Is it even possible?
We have to say YES - we've homeschooled kids through all sorts of long-term or chronic illnesses. It doesn't look like other families' home schools, maybe, but it's our home school and we've been pleased with the results. So let's talk about some realities of homeschooling a child with a chronic illness!
Things We Referenced
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 - Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
Galatians 6:2 - Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.
David McCollough, Mornings on Horseback
This is a detailed look at the childhood and home life of the young (and very asthmatic) Theodore Roosevelt. It's interesting to see how little "Thee's" illness and his refusal to let it hold him back led to his vigorous "Rough Rider" and "Bull Moose" years of adulthood. Like all of McCollough's books, Hal highly recommends it!
NEXT: Homeschooling When YOU Have a Chronic Illness
Thank You to our Network Sponsor – CTC Math!
Wed, 17 Aug 2022 - 22min - 443 - Teaching Character with Stories – Talking with Rick Boyer – MBFLP 279
Stories are powerful tools to teach and illustrate character - think of Jesus' parables! We can use stories the same way. This episode we're talking with Rick Boyer, father of a large family, about how he's used narratives to teach his own children, and now reaches out to thousands with audiobooks and commentary. Plus we'll talk about some resources we offer as well!
Things We Referenced
* Uncle Rick Audios
Two audiobooks of your choice every month plus new member video section and weekly story podcast
Spring Promo (through May 31) - American History bundle of 22 e-books included in the subscription purchase
* Our own Character Building Audiobook Library - ten full-length audiobooks!
We're speaking at the 2022 Florida Homeschool Convention!
This week we'll be traveling to the Rosen Shingle Creek resort in Orlando for one of the biggest homeschool events in the country! We'll be speaking on raising boys, parenting middle schoolers, homeschooling more effectively with less stress, and providing what your special learners need - whether they're struggling or gifted. Plus we'll be talking with support group leaders in the Leaders Forum on Thursday. If you're coming to Orlando, we'd love to meet you - stop by our booth (number 911) and let us know you're a podcast listener.
CLICK HERE for more information!
(If you know you're going, click here to get our detailed schedule)Tue, 24 May 2022 - 25min - 442 - Building a Family Culture – MBFLP 278
You can feel it when you walk in the door - families have a particular culture or personality! Whether intentional or not, every home will develop its own manner of living and interacting. The question is - how can you encourage a healthy family culture that will strengthen as it goes on? How can you avoid a negative, or even toxic, family life that drags everyone down?
Resources We Mentioned
Sonya Shafer at Simply Charlotte Mason
Podcast Episodes:
"Potty Mouth" - A Big Deal, or Not? - “What should I do about my kids’ ‘potty mouth’?” asked a young father in our church. Learning appropriate behavior and speech patterns is part of socialization, but is there a bigger issue than being “socially acceptable”?
Encouraging More Edifying Speech - The Bible says a lot about the power of the tongue – the question for us is, how do we train and encourage our families to speak in a more gracious and edifying way, when the culture around us grows more unkind and profane every day?
Raising Kids to Love Their Siblings - Is sibling rivalry just something to expect? Is it a foregone conclusion that our kids are going to be simmering with jealousy, rivalry, and unkindness toward one another? Or is there a way to promote friendship and affection between brothers and sisters? We have eight kids, and while they’ve had their moments of conflict, we’ve been blessed to see them grow in genuine love as they’ve matured. How can we foster this sort of relationship in the home?
Name-Calling and Why It's Important - Sticks and stones … right? We’ve all heard that, and probably told our kids that one time or another. Yet name-calling is not only a plague of childhood, it’s actually a problem throughout life … and we adults are warned by Christ Himself to be wary of the temptation! This episode, we look at what the Bible says about a deceptively simple and “harmless” practice that can trip us up when we least expect it!
We Joined the Thirty-Percent Club!
We recently finished three events in Alaska (Sterling, Anchorage, and Fairbanks) and recorded this episode in a cabin between Fairbanks and Anchorage. It's an amazing state!
Locals told us that only 30% of visitors actually get a clear view of Denali - but we did! We took this picture from Talkeetna, about sixty miles away. The day before, you couldn't see any mountains whatsoever - the weather just covered that whole 20,000-foot peak. We consider ourselves blessed to get a sighting on our first trip - some people visit for years and never see it.
UPCOMING EVENTS
We'll be speaking at three major conferences in the coming weeks:
* May 26-28, 2022 - Orlando, FL - The Florida Homeschool Convention (FPEA)
* June 9-11, 2022 - Richmond, VA - The Virginia Homeschool Convention (HEAV)
* June 17-18, 2022 - Albany,Tue, 10 May 2022 - 18min - 441 - Homeschool Conferences – and why we love them! – MBFLP 277
With the world full of resources available online, you can develop your philosophy, order your materials, and start homeschooling without ever meeting another parent-educator. That’s a blessing in many ways, especially if you live in a rural area or a foreign culture. But sometimes we think we’ve found what we need when we join the right group on Facebook and know which bloggers we want to follow and which website we like to order from. You may have found part of it, but there’s more!
God tells His people, in Hebrews 10:25, that we must not forsake gathering together. That command didn’t change when our grandparents heard Billy Sunday on the radio or Billy Graham on TV – those were great resources, but they weren’t substitutes for real-life people. We need more than information, we need interaction.
Homeschooling is not church, but it definitely involves spiritual warfare. It’s important to find a flesh-and-blood network to support your homeschooling and provide you with opportunities to help others, too. We’re big fans of local support groups, for just that reason.
But conventions add another dimension – the sheer energy of being in a hall with hundreds, or even thousands, of people walking the same path you’re on. You might have different plans or destinations for your students – college, career, military, home – but you’ve all set out on the path marked “Home Education,” which is one of life’s greatest adventures. And it’s exciting to meet travelers on the same road.
Don’t be shy about talking with other families. You have one little boy, and they’ve got four? Ask them how it works. They have a teenaged daughter and yours is a few years younger? Ask if they have any insights for the next step. You notice they’ve bought a curriculum you’re considering? Strike up a conversation.
Don’t be shy about authors and speakers, either. Most of us speakers are teachers and counselors at heart. We want to reach out and help people. We expect to meet lots of folk whose opening words are, “I have a problem …” or “I was wondering …” That’s what we’re here for. And conventions are the place where you can actually get one-on-one interaction with the people who write the books and curriculum.
You can bless them, too. We love our readers who buy from the big online bookstores, too. But did you know that when you save a dollar online, the author probably earns two dollars less? If you can, please buy directly from the author or the publisher whenever you can. That helps them pay the bills so they write the next book or curriculum you’re looking forward to!
And don’t forget the people who put on the convention. Most conventions are organized by volunteers, and the proceeds support the year-round services they provide – monitoring the legislature, training support group leaders, answering questions from new homeschoolers, and talking with skeptical reporters. They’re working to promote and defend your freedom to homeschool. Let’s pitch in and support them, too!
(This article first appeared in The Homeschool Minute, a publication of The Old Schoolhouse magazine)
UPCOMING EVENTS
We'll be speaking at four major conferences in the coming weeks:
* May 5-7, 2022 - Pigeon Forge, TN - Teach Them Diligently
* May 26-28, 2022 - Orlando, FL - The Flor...Wed, 04 May 2022 - 18min - 440 - Homeschooling with Unsupportive Family – MBFLP 276
If God has called you to teach your children at home, that’s what you need to do! But it’s easier if everyone around you is cheering you on. What do you do if your parents or in-laws or extended family are skeptical? How do you and your family keep on the path when there are headwinds? How do you handle questions, criticisms, or other opposition? And what can you do to find the encouragement you’re not getting from the family?
LINKS OF INTEREST
Census data shows the number of families homeschooling doubled during the pandemic (from 5.4% to 11.1%) and among African-American families, increased from 3.3% to 16.1%
Census Bureau: "Survey shows significant increase in homeschooling rates in Fall 2020" - 3/22/21
National Black Home Educators
Home School Legal Defense Association (HSLDA)
Search by ZIP code to find support groups (state and local)
DEALING WITH FAMILY SKEPTICS
Assume concern is well-intended unless proved otherwise!
Figure out where their concern is focused, then address it with facts and experience
Go ahead and commit to a period of time, like a full school year. That gives kids a more stable educational experience, and it gives both parents and students a chance to adjust to a new way to "do school." It reduces the temptation of constant second-guessing, too.
Go to a conference! It's a great way to encourage yourself, and it's an eye-opener for skeptical family. Even a small conference is likely to be much larger than your family has pictured. And invite grandparents to activities when your kids are involved - whether it's homeschool sports, a science fair, a talent show - whatever your family is connected to.
Think ahead about "difficult" people - the ones who want to argue with your decision, or the ones who want to interrogate your kids. Coach your kids on the obvious, likely questions - "What grade are you in?" (which is really more like, "How old are you?") - "What do you like about homeschooling?" - "Do you like to read?" - "What are you learning now?" - "What's your favorite subject?" Kids sometimes go blank when an adult throws an unexpected question - go head, coach the witness!
Remember, you don't have to argue and convince everybody (whether homeschool skeptics, or homeschoolers who are taking a different path than you!). Smile, be polite, but be confident. It's your family, and your kids - not theirs!
More content ...
SPEAKING OF CONVENTIONS ... Come see us at one of these great events!
* March 18-19, 2022 – Metamora, Ill. – Peoria Area Association of Christian Homeschoolers Convention
* March 31-April 2, 2022 – Round Rock, Tex. – Teach Them Diligently
* April 30, 2022 – ONLINE – Association of Christian Parent Educators of Quebec virtual conference
* May 5-7, 2022 – Pigeon Forge, Tenn. – Teach Them Diligently
* May 26-28, 2022 – Orlando, Fla. – Florida Homesch...Tue, 08 Mar 2022 - 21min - 439 - Church Online – Yea or Nay? – MBFLP 275
One of the unexpected results of the pandemic has been the expansion of online-church opportunities. Even small churches like our own were able to use inexpensive tools and software to broadcast streaming worship services – without a technical crew! But is this a useful expansion to the church’s ministry and outreach – or a distraction, or even an enemy, to real worship and fellowship?
Join us for this discussion as we seek a Biblical balance about church broadcasts of all sort - and how to make the best use of them!
Passages of Interest
Hebrews 10:24-25 - And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.
Acts 2:42, 46-47 - And they continued steadfastly in the apostles’ doctrine and fellowship, in the breaking of bread, and in prayers. ... So continuing daily with one accord in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they ate their food with gladness and simplicity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people.
Mention of believers gathering as churches in private homes:
Romans 16:3,5 - Greet Priscilla and Aquila, my fellow workers in Christ Jesus, ... Likewise greet the church that is in their house
1 Corinthians 16:19 - Aquila and Priscilla greet you heartily in the Lord, with the church that is in their house.
Colossians 4:15 - Greet the brethren who are in Laodicea, and Nymphas and the church that is in his house.
Philemon 1:1,2 - To Philemon our beloved friend and fellow laborer, ... and to the church in your house:
Upcoming Events
We'll be speaking at several conferences and events this year ... here's a partial list:
* March 18-19, 2022 – Metamora, Ill. – Peoria Area Association of Christian Homeschoolers Convention
* March 31-April 2, 2022 – Round Rock, Tex. – Teach Them Diligently
* April 30, 2022 – ONLINE – Association of Christian Parent Educators of Quebec virtual conference
* May 5-7, 2022 – Pigeon Forge, Tenn. – Teach Them Diligently
* May 26-28, 2022 – Orlando, Fla. – Florida Homeschool Convention (Florida Parent Educators Association)
* June 9-11, 2022 – Richmond, Va. – Virginia Homeschool Convention (Home Educators Association of Virginia)
* June 17-18, 2022 – Salem, Ore. – Oregon Christian Home Education Conference (OCEANetwork)
If you'd like to have us speak at your church, conference, or other group, CLICK HERE to find out more!
Fri, 25 Feb 2022 - 20min - 438 - Homeschooling and the Holidays – MBFLP 274
How do you balance everything, between your commitments to church programs, holiday recitals, shopping and cooking and cleaning for the family ... and providing a quality home education for your children? Is it even possible? Should it be? This episode, we're talking about how we learned to manage it with eight kids ... no cape or phone booth needed!
We're celebrating our 26th Christmas while homeschooling! You can do this! Just maybe not all of it at once ...
Thu, 09 Dec 2021 - 16min - 437 - Gift Giving in a Big Family – MBFLP 273
This week we're talking about gift giving - it's Biblical, you know! But how do you manage it without being immersed in the commercialism of a secular holiday, while glorifying God and having fun together? We've found that being more intentional and deliberate in choosing gifts and even in how we open them together, and encouraging our children to think of people rather than stuff at Christmas, has great benefits!
Biblical Passages We Mentioned
The wise men who brought gifts to Jesus - Matthew 2:1-11
The people feasted and shared with each other over joy in God's word - Nehemiah 8:9-10 - And Nehemiah, who was the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who taught the people said to all the people, “This day is holy to the LORD your God ... Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”
How Our Family Christmas List is Structured
We described how our family keeps up with everyone's "wish list" - not just at Christmas, but all year long! Here's the basic framework - each person's section of the family list is divided into price brackets, and it's the responsibility of each person to keep their list up to date. And when the shopping happens, gift-givers quietly delete items so others don't duplicate their gift!
NAME
Updated: (be sure to make a note here when you make changes to your list!)
* $1-$5 Gifts: Your categories may differ, depending on the ages in your family and your personal budgets. We have to consider young children, teenagers, college students, and adults of all sorts.
* $5-$15 Gifts: If you have specific items in mind, you might include links to places these might be found. Many in our families are avid readers, so we often have lists of books here - and links to Amazon.com or Thriftbooks.com to make it easy
* $15-$30 Gifts: Grown-up level
* Big Gifts: Because you never know when someone might find a great deal, or several people collaborate
* Crafts, Work, and Services: Busy people may appreciate help with a particular hard-to-schedule need. One of Hal's hopes last year was for help replacing our garage door - and two of our adult sons came over and made a weekend project of it!
Sat, 20 Nov 2021 - 18min - 436 - Help! My Son Cries About Every Little Thing! – MBFLP 272
A member of our Facebook community asked, "What about boys crying?" There have been people who said it's unmanly to cry, and discouraged or even disciplined their sons for crying - ever. On the other hand, some say it's less than human to hold back the tears - so we should allow or encourage our sons to freely express everything. But what's the Biblical balance here? Does the Scripture have anything to say about men who cry? And how should that inform our parenting toward our sons?
Scriptures We Referenced
Isaiah 8:20 - To the law and to the testimony! If they do not speak according to this word, it is because there is no light in them.
Examples of Strong Godly Men Who Cried
John 11:35 - Jesus wept.
Matthew 26:74-75 - Then [Peter] began to curse and swear, saying, “I do not know the Man!” Immediately a rooster crowed. And Peter remembered the word of Jesus who had said to him, “Before the rooster crows, you will deny Me three times.” So he went out and wept bitterly.
Philippians 3:17-19 - Brethren, join in following my example, and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern. For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ: whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame—who set their mind on earthly things. (The apostle Paul)
Reminders There are Times for Both Weeping and Restraint
Ecclesiastes 3:1, 4 - To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven. ... A time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance ...
Nehemiah 8:9-10 - And Nehemiah, who was the governor, Ezra the priest and scribe, and the Levites who taught the people said to all the people, “This day is holy to the LORD your God; do not mourn nor weep.” For all the people wept, when they heard the words of the Law. Then he said to them, “Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the LORD is your strength.”
Romans 12:15 - Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.
Proverbs 25:28 - Whoever has no rule over his own spirit is like a city broken down, without walls.
Wed, 10 Nov 2021 - 20min - 435 - Holiday Stress – and What We Do About It! – MBFLP 271
"It's the most wonderful time of the year," the song says ... and one of the busiest and most stressful, too! What can we do to maintain the spirit of celebration while the season's demands pile on top of our already-full lives? What practical steps can we take to lighten the load and get the really important things done? As the homeschooling parents of eight kids, starting and running a business from home at the same time, trust us - we've been there. Join us in this special edition where we talk about the realities of homeschooling, home business, and the holidays!
Holidays are Opportunities
The Bible has some holidays which were commandments, at least to the Israelites. God gave the ceremonies of Passover and told the people that when they came to the promised land, "you shall observe this thing as an ordinance for you and your sons forever." (Exodus 12:24) Why was that? "It shall be as a sign to you ... and as a memorial ..." (Exodus 13:9). There are questions and answers expected so the elders pass on their faith to the younger generations -
"Remember the days of old, consider the years of many generations. Ask your father, and he will show you; your elders, and they will tell you ..." (Deuteronomy 32:7)
Even though we don't have a Biblical commandment to celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas, they are opportunities to connect our families -- and ourselves -- with the goodness of God in His provision for life now and life hereafter!
[For good measure, consider when the exiles returned to rebuild Jerusalem and celebrated the recovery of the Law. After a marathon reading of the Word of God, the governor Nehemiah told the people, "Go your way, eat the fat, drink the sweet, and send portions to those for whom nothing is prepared; for this day is holy to our Lord. Do not sorrow, for the joy of the Lord is your strength." (Nehemiah 8:10)]
The challenge to us is to be sure to focus on the message, and not be overwhelmed by the daily responsibilities and the seasonal additions!
(continued ...)
Think About Priorities
Have you seen the illustration of loading rocks and gravel into a big container? The only way to maximize what fits is to load the biggest things first, then smaller ones to fill in the gaps. Your daily (weekly, monthly) plan is the same way - you need to consider the most important, top-priority matters first, and fit them into your schedule before the secondary things.
And in a season when you need to be sure your children and your family hear the good news of the Messiah's birth and really think about God's mercies and provision over the past year ... maybe it's not as critical to do every single worksheet in the curriculum every day. Sometimes you can bring holiday-related subjects into the schoolwork (baking and cooking is a great way to work on weights and measures and fractions; Charles Dickens and George MacDonald can provide reading materials; personalized greeting cards are good handwriting practice!)
Listen in for more thoughts and ideas that can make your holiday season less anxious and more joyful this year!
Wed, 27 Oct 2021 - 34min - 434 - Helping Kids Deal with Stress – MBFLP 270
We adults may feel like we're under stress all the time, but we can't overlook the fact that our kids are suffering, too! Last episode we talked about how we respond when we're confronted with uncertainty and unpleasant news. How can we help our kids deal with the disruptions of life on their level?
Lest We Forget
Parents have had to make a lot of adjustments the past two years. Our kids are dealing with some of the same issues, from their own perspective. That may be school closures or other changes in their educational routines. It may be uncertainty over adult issues, like lost of employment, quarantines, or restrictions on travel or social gatherings. Even if everything comes from the same root cause, like the pandemic, its impact will be felt differently from one family to the next -- and from one family member to the next.
Over the years, we've had a share of uncertainty and unhappy events -- medical emergencies, job changes, relocations, disrupted plans. With a large family, and one that travels with us most of the time, we had to realize that we couldn't hide much from the kids. It seemed better to us to share our concerns, in child-sized portions, so they could understand why things were "wrong" right then.
Our kids are not clones
We need to remember that our kids are individuals - maybe with a lot of commonalities, but still with their own approach to the world around them. A quiet child may be full of turmoil inside, while the noisy one may actually be calmer after venting all his drama. Consider that, as you answer and counsel the outspoken child, other siblings may be listening and learning without asking. Just don't overlook the ones who aren't "in your face"!
Younger kids need reassurance. Are Mom and Dad going to be here for me? Do they have a plan to deal with things? Are they safely in charge still?
Teenagers can often step into some adult roles. We found that in moments of crisis, our teens were able to pick up some of their parents' concerns -- running errands, doing more household tasks, taking more responsibility for themselves and their younger brothers and sisters.
Watch out for the middle kids, though. Often they are old enough to understand some of the needs, but too young to do much to help. It can be very frustrating for them! Look for tasks they can do, even if they're not major burdens to the adults. Your middle school kids are likely to be much more capable than you think (check out our book No Longer Little for more ideas and encouragement!).
(continued)
But what about the conclusion?
What happens when the pressure's relieved? Count on it - family members which have "held it together" for the team while the crisis is underway, will often come unglued when the emergency is over. It's best to plan on some time to re-adjust to "normal" when you've been through a time of stress. Give yourself and everyone around you an extra measure of grace - a heaping serving of it, in fact. If you expect there to be a time of transition, you can move into it with some care - rather than experiencing "explosive decompression" that causes problems for everyone!
Passages We Referenced
Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Matthew 10:29-31 (Jesus) - "Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will.Wed, 29 Sep 2021 - 29min - 433 - Dealing with Stressful News – MBFLP Replay
Some things are unquestionable, life-changing moments - an unexpected death in the family, a natural disaster, a major accident. But what about things which just show up and disrupt everything? The smaller emergencies which aren't big enough to awaken heroism, but are big enough to bring out all our doubts, fears, frustrations, and temper? The "breaking news" which could be really unpleasant, but you can't be sure?
We've dealt with this - frequently, and even recently! So this episode, we're talking about some practical ways to meet stressful news with calmness and faith ... even if it takes a few minutes to make the adjustment!
Passages We Referenced
Matthew 10:29-31 (Jesus): “Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."
Philippians 4:6 - Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God
Romans 8:28 - And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.
Books We Mentioned
Judith Viorst, The Tenth Good Thing About Barney. This is a great children's book about remembering the good things in the middle of sad times. It's easy to get overwhelmed in the stress of the moment, and forget that happiness is real just like sorrow - and life will have some of both.
Eleanor H. Porter, Pollyanna - check out the audiobook version narrated by Melanie! The book is much better than the Disney version (more clearly Biblical, for one thing), and funny as well as thought-provoking. Even our teenaged sons enjoyed it, though the main character is a young girl at the time. Important lessons about always finding a reason to rejoice, even in difficulty.
NEXT TIME
Helping your kids through stressful times ...
UPDATE -
We mentioned that our van broke down on a speaking trip in July, and at the time of recording, had been in the shop for several weeks waiting on an engine replacement. We're glad to say that the van is now repaired and back home - thank you for your prayers and support!
A Special Thank You to Our Network Sponsor: Thanks to NOW Programs, this evidence-based program helps students learn differences.
Tue, 01 Oct 2024 - 432 - Encouraging More Edifying Speech – MBFLP 268
The Bible says a lot about the power of the tongue - the question for us is, how do we train and encourage our families to speak in a more gracious and edifying way, when the culture around us grows more unkind and profane every day?
First step - "Lord, is it me?"
Never underestimate the power of our example - whether intended or not! Our children learn from the pattern they observe. If we want our kids to speak with kindness, compassion, and love, we need to model that behavior in our own speech!
Remember the Biblical example is the best example. Give our children a Scriptural understanding of loving and gracious speech. If you have to correct some bad language, then call it by Biblical terms. If it's unkind, unloving, or mocking, call it what it is.
Explain the cultural part - why speech might be inappropriate in some places but allowed in others. Sometimes the same statement would be acceptable in certain circumstances but totally wrong in another. Part of kindness and courtesy is understanding the sensitivities of other people and adjusting our behavior to show them respect.
How to hold them accountable
Coaching is an important tool. Children aren't naturally aware of other people's perceptions, and often they're not self-aware of their expressions, body language, or tone. When we feel like reacting to their words, it's good to take a breath and address the words calmly. In many cases, they don't intend the message we receive. Help them understand why, for example, the tone of voice or the attitude that's allowable between playmates or siblings would be ... unhelpful ... with parents or other adults.
Then if correction or discipline is needed, take care of it. Just be sure that you understand what they intended to communicate ... and be sure they understand why their communication was unacceptable. (And make sure the situation is calmed down enough that they're teachable - remember that "discipline" comes from the same root word as "disciple," and the goal should be instruction, not just punishment!)
Scripture We Referenced
James 3:3-6, 8-10 - Indeed we put bits in horses’ mouths that they may obey us, and we turn their whole body. Look also at ships: although they are so large and are driven by fierce winds, they are turned by a very small rudder wherever the pilot desires. Even so the tongue is a little member and boasts great things. See how great a forest a little fire kindles! And the tongue is a fire, a world of iniquity. ... But no man can tame the tongue. It is an unruly evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless our God and Father, and with it we curse men, who have been made in the similitude of God. Out of the same mouth proceed blessing and cursing. My brethren, these things ought not to be so.
Ephesians 4:32 - And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Matthew 12:34-37 (Jesus:) "For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
Is There a Topic You'd Like Us to Discuss?
Mon, 13 Sep 2021 - 17min - 431 - “Potty Mouth” – Big Deal or Not? – MBFLP 267
"What should I do about my kids' 'potty mouth'?" asked a young father in our church. Learning appropriate behavior and speech patterns is part of socialization, but is there a bigger issue than being "socially acceptable"?
Society has become more tolerant of bad language
Society itself isn't a reliable guide. In the 1970s the comedian George Carlin had a risque nightclub routine, "The Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television," which indulged in "transgressive" self-expression.
In 2017, psychologist Jean Twenge and colleagues did a study of books published in the U.S. between 1950 and 2008, using George Carlin’s list of socially unacceptable words – and they found that “Readers of books in the late 2000s were 28 times more likely than those in the early 1950s to come across one of the ‘seven words …’” (link below)
And that is just in a limited channel of the print medium. Carlin's routine wouldn't mean as much today, as cable television and pay-per-view has normalized much of what would have been blocked from the broadcast media back then.
What does the Scripture say?
Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.
– Ephesians 4:29 – “corrupt” in the Greek means rotten, putrid, bad, unfit for use
But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks.
– Ephesians 5:3-4
Do not be deceived; "Evil company corrupts good habits."
– 1 Corinthians 15:33
But now you yourselves are to put off all these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth ...
– Colossians 3:8
The question of “bad words” isn’t about a checklist but about an attitude
“For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. A good man out of the good treasure of his heart brings forth good things, and an evil man out of the evil treasure brings forth evil things. But I say to you that for every idle word men may speak, they will give account of it in the day of judgment. For by your words you will be justified, and by your words you will be condemned.”
– Jesus, in Matthew 12:34-37
Article We Referenced:
J. M. Twenge, Hannah Van Landingham, and W. Keith Campbell. “The Seven Words You Can Never Say on Television: Increases in the Use of Swear Words in American Books, 1950-2008.” SAGE Open, July-September 2017, pp. 1-8
Fri, 03 Sep 2021 - 17min - 430 - Qualified to Homeschool – MBFLP 266 (Special Replay)
"What makes you think you're qualified to homeschool?"
That's one of the frequently asked questions, isn't it? And if nobody in your family, church, or neighborhood asks -- you'll probably ask yourself. Don't you have to have a teacher's certificate to really be a teacher? Shouldn't you go to college and get an education degree first? Or is the credential less important for a homeschool than a classroom?
This episode, we're taking a listener's question and talking about homeschooling with confidence - without specialized training or professional certification. We did it, and you can too!
Do you have a question or a suggestion to share?
We'd love to hear from you! Call our Listener Response Line and leave a message, and maybe we can answer your questions in a future episode!
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The lessons are taught the traditional way, not to a “test”.
Each one of the video tutorials is taught by an internationally acclaimed teacher, Pat Murray, who is renowned for teaching math concepts in a ...Tue, 13 Aug 2024 - 30min - 429 - Homeschooling or School-at-Home – Day to Day – MBFLP 265-2
Continuing our comparison of true homeschooling with the school-at-home model! Let's talk about how independent home education looks different day-to-day, and why duplicating the schoolroom experience at home is more stressful, less efficient, and a lot less fun than charting a new, freer pathway to learning and exploring together.
A Fundamental Distinction
A lot of what happens in the classroom is due to the dynamics of that situation. The teacher has to consider twenty or twenty-five students, of all different gifts or needs, coming from a range of family and educational backgrounds, but all funneled into the same classroom, same book, same tests. The whole process of extra worksheets, frequent testing, homework, and report cards happens because that single teacher can't focus as much attention on each child as she might -- and the parents don't know what happens in the schoolroom unless she communicates it home in some way.
How much of that applies to a homeschool, where the teacher has known the students from birth, and the parents are well aware of how their students are doing because there's a parent-teacher conference at every meal?
But there's a lot more to be said ... so listen in!
Tue, 20 Jul 2021 - 18min - 428 - Homeschooling, or School-at-Home? – MBFLP 265-1
Is this "homeschooling" or is it "school-at-home"? Is there a difference?
Many families have experienced public school from a remote location this year -- and some districts are calling it "homeschooling." But most homeschooling veterans will tell you there is a world of difference between independent, parent-led education, and taking public school classes with public school curriculum, online. Hint: The location - obviously enough - is not the distinction!
In two episodes, Hal and Melanie talk about the substantial differences between the two concepts, how they operate differently on a day-to-day basis, and why that's crucially important for your family.
NEWS OF INTEREST
"New state figures released Thursday show North Carolina’s estimated home-school population grew by more than 30,000 children during the 2020-21 school year — a 20.6% increase from the prior year. ... "
T. Keung Hui, "Enrollment soars in NC homeschools, private schools, and charter schools amid pandemic"
Raleigh, N.C. News & Observer - 3 Jul 2021
Mon, 12 Jul 2021 - 17min - 427 - Thinking About Homeschooling – Things to Consider – MBFLP 264-2
Are you one of the thousands of families just beginning homeschooling - or thinking seriously about it this year? Surveys say that over one and a quarter million students aren't returning to public schools, and the number of homeschooling families doubled between April and October last year. This episode, we continue our conversation about our own decision to homeschool - this time, thinking about unexpected lessons we learned along the way, and things you may want to consider making your own decision!
1:25 - "Homeschooling is bigger in the inside"
2:15 - A different model than the modern classroom
3:50 - The efficiency of homeschooling - even with several grade levels
5:38 - Why "difficult" and "unpleasant" isn't "better"
7:50 - What about finding the perfect curriculum
9:43 - Why "the way it's done" in classrooms isn't helpful for homeschooling
10:55 - But can homeschooled kids make it to college?
13:20 - Watching friends who homeschooled and others in public school
14:35 - How long should you expect each day?
15:56 - The reason you begin homeschooling may not be the reason you continue homeschooling
16:30 - Homeschooling and family relationships
18:00 - Some free resources
SCRIPTURE
“And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." - Deuteronomy 6:6-7 (NKJV)
ARTICLES
Homeschooling on the Rise During COVID-19 Pandemic
Census Bureau’s Household Pulse Survey Shows Significant Increase in Homeschooling Rates in Fall 2020
By Casey Eggleston and Jason Fields - U.S. Census Bureau - 22 March 2021
* More Than 1 Million Students Didn't Enroll During Pandemic
Will They Come Back?
By Eesha Pendharkar - Education Week — 17 June 2021
UPCOMING EVENTS
We'll be speaking and exhibiting at the Chattanooga Home School Expo at Camp Jordan, East Ridge, Tennessee - July 16-17, 2021 - sponsored by the Chattanooga Southeast Tennessee Home Educators Association.
This is a live event but registration is online - CLICK HERE for more information! We hope to see you there!
RELATED EPISODES
Getting Kids On Board with Your New Homeschool
Things We're Glad We Did Homeschooling
Boy-Friendly Homeschooling
Emergency Homeschooling
Mon, 05 Jul 2021 - 20min - 426 - Thinking About Homeschooling – How We Decided – MBFLP 264-1
One of the unexpected results of the COVID-19 pandemic is an explosion of interest in homeschooling. Researchers say the number of homeschooling families doubled between April and October of 2020, and at least 1.3 million students didn't return to the public school system in the fall. Are you a new homeschooler? Or are you thinking about trying it for the first time this year? This episode, Hal and Melanie are talking about how they made that decision - maybe for the same reasons you are!
REFERENCES
Homeschooling on the Rise During COVID-19 Pandemic
Census Bureau’s Household Pulse Survey Shows Significant Increase in Homeschooling Rates in Fall 2020
By Casey Eggleston and Jason Fields - U.S. Census Bureau - 22 March 2021
"In the first week (April 23-May 5, 2020) of Phase 1 of the Household Pulse Survey, about 5.4% of U.S. households with school-aged children reported homeschooling .
By fall, 11.1% of households with school-age children reported homeschooling (Sept. 30-Oct. 12, 2020). A clarification was added to the school enrollment question to make sure households were reporting true homeschooling rather than virtual learning through a public or private school.
That change represents an increase of 5.6 percentage points and a doubling of U.S. households that were homeschooling at the start of the 2020-2021 school year compared to the prior year."
* More Than 1 Million Students Didn't Enroll During Pandemic
Will They Come Back?
By Eesha Pendharkar - Education Week — 17 June 2021
"America’s public school system lost almost 1.3 million students this year, according to an Education Week analysis of state data. The loss was spread out across the nation, touching almost every demographic group and concentrated in lower grades. It will likely have academic, financial and staffing repercussions for years to come."
Are you in eastern Tennessee or northern Georgia?
We'll be speaking and exhibiting at the Chattanooga Home School Expo at Camp Jordan, East Ridge, Tennessee - July 16-17, 2021 - sponsored by the Chattanooga Southeast Tennessee Home Educators Association.
This is a live event but registration is online - CLICK HERE for more information! We hope to see you there!Tue, 29 Jun 2021 - 17min - 425 - Teens, Preteens, and Social Anxiety – MBFLP 263
One of the hallmarks of adolescent behavior is social awkwardness, often to the point of anxiety. That's true in the best of times! Yet here we are after a year of pandemic alarms, mandates, and "abundance of caution," and you may be finding your young people are not eager to begin seeing people outside the family again. What can we do to help our teens and preteens resume normal, healthy interactions?
Resources We Reference
Our episode reviewing Dr. Jean Twenge's book iGen about characteristics of our children's generation
"How the Pandemic has Impacted Teen Mental Health," Mott Poll Report, 3/15/21
Craftsman Crate by subscription, individual boxes, or party packs
Upcoming Events (May-June 2021)
We'll be speaking at the Thrive! Conference (North Carolinians for Home Education) in Winston-Salem, N.C., on May 27-29, 2021. We're speaking four times on Thursday and Friday, on parenting pre-teens, helping your struggling learners in high school and college, the challenges of boys and media, and what you can achieve academically with a more relaxed homeschooling approach. And our booth is in the usual spot on the upper level of the book fair!
We'll also be part of the Homeschooling With Confidence: Unstoppable online event hosted by Home Educators Association of Virginia (HEAV.org). This is going to be a different sort of online event with more interaction with the speakers and with other attendees - we're looking forward something special with this one!Fri, 21 May 2021 - 19min - 424 - Seasons of Motherhood – MBFLP 262
There are seasons to motherhood
Ecclesiastes says that "For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven." (Eccl 3:1) Yet young women are being told that they can and should do all things right now. They're being urged to set their priorities by the culture's values instead of their own - unless their priority is "Me first!"
In this special presentation to a mothers' group in Winnsboro, Louisiana, Melanie offers an encouraging perspective on the opportunities and special needs at different stages of our children's lives, and the critical contribution that a mother can make in each of those times.
Upcoming Events
We'll be speaking at two conferences this month:
May 6-8, 2021
Teach Them Diligently - Mobile, AL
May 27-29, 2021
Thrive! Conference (North Carolinians for Home Education) - Winston-Salem, NC
If you're there, come by our booth and say hello! And if you'd like to see us at your nearby event, let them hear from you!
Call our Listener Contact Line - (919) 295-0321Fri, 30 Apr 2021 - 38min - 423 - Effective Discipline for Teens – MBFLP 261
A reader writes, "I need suggestions how to discipline my 14-year-old son." She's finding out what we all discover - if you try to discipline your 14-year-old like he was still six, you're likely to have a fight on your hands! So what do you do with this young person who's growing so tall, but still needs a lot of guidance and discipleship?
Thank you to our sponsor, CTC Math.
It's more than behavior management
With younger kids, a great deal of our training is behavior - "Don't tease the cat," "Don't touch the stove," "Stop hitting your brother!" Tedd Tripp points out that Ephesians 6:1 is fundamental for the younger set: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right."
And external behavior is important - that's what hurts others and damages things! But as they move into the early teen years, our children need more coaching and discipleship to reach their deepest need - the condition of their heart. They need to be confronted with Right and Wrong in a larger sense than, "Honor your father and your mother." When they realize their failing and sin, they are more likely to grasp their need for a Savior!
And when we recognize that their behavior is more than "You're on my nerves!" but something rooted on their human fallenness ... maybe we can be a little more compassionate and not as quick to react.
As they change, we should too
A lot of parent-teen relationships are strained or broken because parents don't adapt to their young person's changes. When they reach adolescence, they're not kids any more! We need to understand they aren't the little ones we've raised so far, but young adults-in-training. We can't just continue the old discipline models and expect the same response. Appropriate correction for a four-year-old is humiliating, at best, to a 14-year-old.
More and more, we need to move our discipline to adult responses. What does that look like?
Well, consider what happens when we make a mistake or cause an offense as an adult. Are we sent to stand with our nose in the corner until we say we're sorry? Does our boss or pastor or neighbor give us a sharp swat on the hand? Of course not. Instead, we are likely to experience "natural consequences."
Gilbert and Sullivan's comic operetta The Mikado includes the chorus, "Let the punishment fit the crime!" Humor aside, that's actually quite Biblical. Over and over again in Scripture, you see principles of repentance followed by restitution. We use this as a guide with our teens - if you break it, you fix it - whether it's a broken toy or a damaged relationship. It's a hard lesson, but we impress on them that being an adult sometimes means we accept responsibility for things that aren't strictly our fault. Maybe something happened by accident, or someone took offense by misunderstanding - we still need to step up and try to make things right.
Occasionally the problem isn't actual sin but rather just high spirits or too much energy. Maybe they really are on your nerves, and that's most of the problem!
How did Coach handle it?
Sometimes the best correction is just to work it off. How did your high school coach handle it if you were goofing off during practice? What did your drill instructor do at boot camp if you weren't putting your back into the job?
A bit of strenuous exertion can be a lifesaver here! "Drop and give me ten!" - a call for some push-ups is a good manly punishment for a minor but irritating infraction. You can have them run up and down the stairs, or laps around the back yard. Ask Dad for advice, since he's probably received similar correction in his time!Wed, 28 Aug 2024 - 422 - MBFLP 260 – Accident-Prone Kids
A reader asked, "What can you do about accident-prone kids who always seem to be breaking things?"
"Uh oh ..."
We've all heard the dreadful sound from the next room - or the sharp crash of breaking glass - or the muffled whump in another part of the house. All kids will have moments of clumsiness, carelessness, or foolishness, that result in something getting broken or someone getting hurt - that's just normal childhood. But some kids seem to leave a path of destruction in their wake - what do you do about them?
Let's say up front that we're not talking about kids who are suffering from trauma, illness, or developmental conditions that lead to destructive behavior - that's a different situation altogether. We have friends who deal with these things on a daily basis, and they are walking a different path.
But what about your average, healthy, otherwise normal kid who you'd think would know better? How do you deal with them?
First thing ...
One of our basic rules of parenting is Don't Freak Out. We don't respond at our best when we leap to reaction. It may help to remind ourselves that this world is not our ultimate home and all its things are passing away (1 Corinthians 7:31). All our stuff is actually God's stuff, and we are just stewards and managers of it for Him (Psalm 24:1).
That's not easy advice, but it's true - right? Take a breath, and pray for perspective.
Next step, Triage the situation. Not only answering the question, "What just broke here?" but rather, "Why did something just happen?"
We find there are three basic profiles - (continued ...)
Three scenarios
* The angry child who acts from rage or malice. This is the one who intentionally hurts someone or damages something, or the one who fails to control his temper and lashes out blindly. This is upsetting but it's rooted in clear sinful behavior, and you can respond along those lines. Repentance and restitution are the goals here.
* The truly innocent child. This one honestly didn't intend any trouble, and wasn't inviting it by foolish or careless behavior. In other words, they aren't to blame - something they did may have triggered a problem, but they didn't cause it by neglect or malice. He needs to express sympathy and concern, and even apologize; you may need to convince him that an apology isn't always an admission of guilt! We try to see this as a multi-victim event - both the one who was injured, and the one who stumbled and caused it. Mercy is our first reaction, and then training in responsibility - if you knock it over, you need to pick it up, even if you didn't do it on purpose.
* The careless child. This is the child who loses school books, forgets to close the gate, or leaves his brother's bike out in the rain. They aren't malicious but they are inattentive! It's important to remember that irresponsible behavior is not the same as rebellion - our response needs to be different. Irresponsibility should bring natural consequences - like replacing a lost book with his own money. It's appropriate to use these events to remind them to concentrate and pay attention (even while we privately admit they aren't very good at this at the moment).
And then ...
Once we understand what's motivated the incident, we can respond in a way that will be just and will protect our relationship with the child. Our children are not cookies, so a cookie-cutter approach won't respect their individual needs, fears, weaknesses, and strengths!
Fri, 26 Feb 2021 - 14min - 421 - Helping Dad Connect With The Kids – MBFLP 259
A reader asks: "How can we help dads connect with their kids?"
Moms seem to naturally connect with little ones – even before they’re born! It’s not so easy for dads, though. More than one has said, “I can’t communicate with this baby – I’ll let Mama handle it until he’s six or seven, and can understand me.”
That may be common but it’s unnecessary and really, it’s giving up precious time in your child’s life. It’s true, you’ll have a different relationship when they reach that age, but that’s true for every age – and the longer you put off your child, the harder it might become to build bridges later.
So what can be done about it?
First off, don’t let it become a source of contention between husband and wife. If she raises the issue, he needs to step back a bit and ask, “Lord, is it true?” rather than getting defensive.
Recognize that “connecting” isn’t magic and mystical – it’s just a matter of spending time and interacting with your kids.
Train yourself to be intentional about “dad time.” Hal used to de-compress on the commute home, trying to mentally close the office door behind him and re-focus his mind on his roles of husband and father when he got home. That’s not obvious when you’re working from home, though – you have to remind yourself to step away from work and notice your family around you.
Practice some self-denial. The world really plays on our natural desire for our own needs and interests. Certainly there’s a need for some rest and recuperation just to keep yourself healthy and strong! But being available for your children’s needs means your own will have to wait sometimes. Patience is a fruit of the Spirit – it should not surprise us that we don’t naturally abound in it! (continued ...)
Disciple Like Jesus Did
Take your kids along when you can. The American theologian Jonathan Edwards had eleven kids and responsibility for several churches in colonial New England. Whenever he traveled to another village, he took a child along. Even when they're very little, Dad can bring along the baby or the toddler when he runs an errand. Take the opportunity to talk with them about what you're doing - even if they can't talk back, they'll grow accustomed to your voice and they'll learn more than you realize!
Invite your kids into your work. Men seem to communicate better shoulder-to-shoulder – working together on some project. Whatever task comes to hand, ask one of your kids to join you – “Come on, let’s change the oil on the car,” or “Let me show you how to unstop a toilet.” Allow for additional time and distraction; it won’t be as efficient as doing the job solo, but it’s important time for training and relationship. What if they’re not interested? Keep asking, and sometimes, don’t give them the option – just bring them.
Jesus trained His disciples this way – He lived and worked with them, and He explained and asked and answered questions as they came alongside Him in ministry.
And don’t be shy about inviting yourself into their world, either. “Hey there – whatcha building?” “I haven’t read that book – what do you think about it?” Initiate conversations! Ask open ended questions. Assume that they can understand and respond, and see if you can draw them out.
Remember that you can’t schedule a heart’s opening – you have to be there when they’re ready to share. That means the time you invest simply being with your children and interacting with them will open doors and opportunities for deeper conversation and counsel.
HAVE YOU GOT A QUESTION YOU’D LIKE US TO DISCUSS?...Mon, 22 Feb 2021 - 16min - 419 - Make the Most of Uncertain Times – MBFLP 258
"How do I encourage my young men to look forward to the future?"
In part 1, we talked about the reality of uncertainty as a part of every time and every life, though the immediate upheaval is a very real and very disruptive event! (see episode 257, "Making Sense of Uncertain Times")
But how can we provide some practical help to young men whose plans for college, work, nnd relationships have been upended and put on indefinite hold? What can we do as parents to help them make the most of these uncertain times?
Remember the pandemic hits everybody differently. People in stable relationships with established careers may be better able to adjust to the disruptions than young men who are just at the starting point.
Young single adults may be feeling real isolation and loneliness. They may appreciate more contact with family, in real life or online. Reach out! And plan to listen - they may be missing people they can talk through their concerns with.
A new socialization problem
Encourage them to be inventive about socializing online. We have young adult friends who have organized online prayer meetings, held conference calls for fellowship, connected through video gaming platforms, and more. Some video conferencing programs offer service for small groups for free, and messaging apps like Skype and Signal can be used for several people in a call.
If your teens don't have a social media account, now may be the time to train them how to use it wisely. Social media has its pitfalls, for certain, but it is possible to use it for God-honoring purposes. Your teens will be expected to have some social media savvy when they leave your home; it's widely used in business and academia as well as peer-to-peer. What better time to coach your teens than right now, while they're still at home and open to guidance?
For kids too young for social media accounts, we may want to use ours to facilitate fellowship for them and their friends. It's worth remembering that our online friendships may be part of our own coping mechanisms; our younger kids may not have that connection for themselves. Maybe you can set up a game meeting, a virtual tea party, or some other way for the elementary and middle school kids to interact ... with supervision.
Realize that all our social skills may be rusty - your young people may need encouragement and coaching when they can resume meeting people in person.
(jump to continue ...)
What can you do with this time?
Parents and people in a more stable situation may be able to provide perspective. If we aren't in the throes of the uncertainty faced by our sons, we may be able to think of alternatives and options that they haven't considered yet. We also may be able to point out that life doesn't end at 25 or 30 -- in fact, the most productive and effective part of their lives and careers is very likely years in the future still. A few months delay at 18 or 23 is not going to stop the world for them!
Some practical ideas to consider: Start a business. Start something online. Begin writing the book you wanted to write. Read up a subject and take a CLEP exam for college credit. None of this has to be permanent or long term, but any of them will encourage you to be active, keep thinking, and avoid just giving up!
Give them hope! Your sons need encouragement and they need the benefit of your experience and your ideas. Remind them this is a just a passing time in their lives and it will soon be past. Rather than despairing,Thu, 28 Jan 2021 - 17min - 418 - Making Sense of Uncertain Times – MBFLP 257
How can we encourage our young adult sons to look forward to the future?
A listener asked the question, considering the wide-ranging effects of the pandemic response. What can we say or do to give hope to our young adults, when everything seems to have a roadblock? What do we do when college is reduced to online classes, when social opportunities are severely restricted, and many entry-level jobs aren't hiring?
First, we need to recognize our sons' struggles may be very different from our own. Those of us in stable relationships, with family surrounding us and our careers well underway, will weather the storm very differently than the young man who is just starting out.
They need our understanding and sympathy. That's only Biblical - Romans 12:15 tells us to "rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep." Put yourself in his place - how would you feel if suddenly high school graduation wasn't going to happen, and college would likely be video classes like the last semester of high school, and the great adventure of moving out and meeting new people was postponed indefinitely? It would be disappointing and disorienting, at best. Your son doesn't have your perspective to give him some balance and patience!
Consider that when Jesus went to the tomb of His friend Lazarus, He wept. Even though He was about to bring Lazarus back from the dead, Jesus could share the immediate grief of the sisters. Surely we can be sympathetic to our sons' worries before we try to fix them!
We have perspective they (probably) don't
This may be the first time your young adult had a total upheaval of long-held plans. It may feel like the end of the world to them. Those of us who have experienced sudden job loss or a health crisis might be able to say, "It's not just the present trouble - there's a certain amount of uncertainty in LIFE." Times of greater or lesser disruption will come, but there are no guarantees about the next day's plan (James 4:14). In fact, our response to difficult times reveals our character.
In uncertain times, God intends us to keep going. When the Jews were taken away to Babylon, God acknowledged the disruption but told them to keep on with life - build houses, plant gardens, get married, raise families, and pray for the peace of their place of captivity (Jeremiah 29:4-7). Jesus described the end times (in Matthew 24) as master leaving on a journey and returning unexpectedly - he wants to find his servants watchful but working!
Uncertainty is a part of life, by God's design - but He wants us to trust Him and keep on doing the best we know how!
Resources We Mentioned
Romans 12:15 - Weep with those who weep
John 11:1-44 - Jesus wept
James 4:13-15 - You do not know what will happen tomorrow; for what is your life? It is even a vapor ...
Jeremiah 29:4-7 - God's instructions to the Jews in Babylon to live as normally as possible - even as captives and exiles!
Matthew 24:3-47 - Jesus describes the end times and suggests we should keep working until He comes!
Gary Smalley, If Only He Knew (the marriage book Hal mentioned)Tue, 26 Jan 2021 - 15min - 417 - The Foundations of Education – A Conversation with Ken Ham – MBFLP 256
As we bring up our children in the training and admonition of the Lord (Ephesians 6:4), how can we confidently address the hot button issues in our culture? When the world says humanity is a cosmic accident, society is nothing but structures of oppression, and personal autonomy and self-identification are the highest good - how do we respond?
In part two of our conversation with Ken Ham, founder of Answers in Genesis and author of the new book Will They Stand, we talked about how our educational choices for our children have a major, critical impact on their spiritual development and training.
Only Two Options
We talked at length about forming a worldview - the lens through which you see and interpret the world around you. Ken uses the example of building a house. "You don't build a house by starting with the roof and walls," he said, "you start with the foundation." He said that 95% of children in Christian homes are being taught in the public school system, where they are told that all things have a naturalistic cause and explanation - "which is atheism," he pointed out. All week they are taught a philosophy and worldview which is not just un-Christian but actively hostile to Christian teaching. Then on Sunday we attempt to teach them about Jesus and Christian doctrines.
"We try to put the roof and walls on a foundation that won't make that structure stand," he said. "And we wonder why they leave the church, and build a new structure based on secular thinking."
"Ultimately we have to understand there are only two foundations to build your way of thinking. You start from God's Word, [God] Who knows everything. That's the only way to come to right conclusions about anything, is starting from Someone who knows everything, Who's given us the key information we need. The Bible is a revelation from God giving us [that] key information.
"If you don't start from God's Word, there is only one other starting point -- that's man's word."
(continue ...)
God's Design for Teaching God's Precepts
Answers in Genesis is best known for its presentation of Biblical, young-earth creationism. But Ken explained that so many of the "giants" our children will face, the most controversial issues in the public arena, are addressed in the first eleven chapters of Genesis - the act of Creation is only the first part.
"How do you teach your children about marriage? The gender issue? The abortion issue?" he asked. "You’ve got to start with Genesis 1 through 11. If you don’t have Genesis 1 through 11 as the foundation, you can’t build the structure.”
Just on the example of marriage, Ken pointed out that Genesis 1:27 and 2:24 demonstrates God's design for gender, marriage, and family, and when Jesus was asked about marriage and divorce, He referred back to those passages - without hedging or apology. When Paul deal with relationships between the husband and wife, he did the same. God's word is clear, and we can stand on it with confidence.
God also gave instructions to His people on teaching their children, Ken said - in Deuteronomy 6. "You shall teach them diligently to your children, and you shall talk of them [God's words] when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up." (v. 7)
"Education is not just an hour or two that you do on Sunday," he said. "Education is twenty-four hours a day. …
"In 100% of what you do, you are teaching your children.”Sat, 16 Jan 2021 - 23min - 416 - Building a Legacy – A Conversation with Ken Ham – MBFLP 255Welcome to the new year! Glad as we may be to see the old year passing, the challenges to our families never change. As the world around us becomes more hostile to Christian teaching, how do we prepare our children to walk in faith when they leave our home? What sort of foundation can we lay to give them a base to stand on?
We kick off our 2021 season with a conversation with Ken Ham of Answers in Genesis. Ken is famous for defending Biblical creationism and the historicity of Genesis, but he also writes and speaks on family issues. His book Already Gone looked at why children and young adults leave the faith they grew up in. A second book, Already Compromised, examines how colleges and universities drift away from their foundations, too, and how parents should guide their children's educational choices after high school.
"Parenting Kids to Face the Giants"
But his newest book is a more personal account of how parents can build a godly legacy in their family. Will They Stand shares the importance of raising strong believers from childhood forward, preparing them to hold fast against a hostile culture outside the home and the church.
continued ...
<id="nextpart">In the first half of this two-part interview, we talk with Ken about the foundation his father laid for him and his siblings, then how Ken and his wife Mally have kept Biblical principles central to their family. He centers his argument on a constant, intentional approach with an eye to future generations:
"Please understand that you too will leave a legacy to the generations to follow. They may not build memorials to you, and it's unlikely that they will place signs outside of the place of your birth ... but what you leave behind will forever impact the hearts and souls of those in your family and beyond. You will leave a legacy; the only question is what kind of legacy it will be." (from the book, p. 63)
Passages and Resources We Mentioned
Ephesians 6:4 - And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.
Psalm 78:5 - For he [God] established a testimony in Jacob, and appointed a law in Israel, which he commanded our fathers, that they should make them known to their children
2 Timothy 3:15 - from childhood you have known the Holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith which is in Christ Jesus
Colossians 2:2-3 - Christ, in whom are hidden all the treasures of wisdom and knowledge
Answers in Genesis
Ken's new book, Will They Stand: Parenting Kids to Face the GIANTS
Ken Ham and Britt Beemer, Already Gone: Why Your Kids Will Quit Church and What You Can Do to Stop ItWed, 13 Jan 2021 - 18min - 415 - Biographies for Book Lovers – MBFLP 254-2
.
Finishing up a listener's question from episode 245, ("What Are You Reading Right Now?"), this episode Hal is talking about some of his favorite biographies, and why he likes reading this special form of history.
Biography is more than just the facts
Some years ago, Hal started reading biographies to learn more about figures in local history. What impressed him was how, when he'd been reading the life stories of men who had faced challenges and lived life with honor, faith, and courage, it started to show up in his own thinking -- "How would such-and-such have handled this?"
That shouldn't come as a surprise, after all. Paul wrote to the believers at Phillipi,
Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble,
whatever things are just, whatever things are pure,
whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report,
if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy -- meditate on these things.
(Philippians 4:8, NKJV)
A life well and truly lived will show evidence of these things. What better way to consider them than to observe how other humans have applied them to the struggles of life?
People are complex
A well-written and honest biography will include the facts of the person's lifetime, as well as the cultural context he or she dealt with. Much of the current "cancel culture" betrays an inability to recognize the good that a person accomplished in spite of their times, instead forcing long-passed people through a filter of 21st century sensibilities. At the same time, an accurate biography will acknowledge the faults and failures of the subject. Humans are highly complex and inconsistent beings, which may prevent us from reaching our best potential as well as hindering us from sinking as low as we might!
An account of someone whose life work has been assessed through the lens of time, whose impact has been seen by the outcomes of his actions and words, can be a powerful encouragement and example to follow -- or an earnest warning of ways and ideas to avoid! And that's why biographies can be good for the character and soul. It's worth considering!
If you'd like to know more about biographies Hal mentioned, links are here
(and for history, here are links to books from the first episode )
If you'd like to leave a comment, question, or request, our Listener Response Line is (919) 295-0321
Tue, 13 Oct 2020 - 14min
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