Better Sex

In this episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman talks with Reverend Beverly Dale, who discusses her journey in helping people heal from sex-negative teachings in religion. They explore how sexuality and spirituality intersect, the sexual wounds caused by rigid religious structures, and the path towards embracing one's authentic sexual self.

00:00 Introduction

00:45 Guest Introduction and Topic Overview

02:24 Reverend Beverly Dale's Background

02:49 The Church's Role in Sexual Shame

03:17 Understanding Sexual Wounding

03:24 Intersection of Faith and Healing

03:43 Analyzing Structural Issues

10:25 Sexual Wounds in Society

11:47 Strategies for Healing

23:02 Reverend Dale's Book and Resources

29:45 Finding Support and Community

30:26 Conclusion and Contact Information

Would you like to share your personal story of sexual healing or empowerment on the show? Email me at info@intimacywithease.com

Rev. Dr. Beverly Dale has made a career of teaching a pleasure-centered, justice-focused and sex-positive Christianity as an ecumenical campus minister at the University of Pennsylvania and by writing, producing, and performing in a one-woman show titled, An Irreverent Journey from Eggbeaters to Vibrators. In 2013 she founded the Incarnation Institute for Sex & Faith that provides training for clergy and sexual health professionals on how to help people rethink harmful religious teaching that creates intimacy issues for couples and problems for individuals self-esteem. Believing in an inclusive, science-friendly, and sex-positive Christianity she developed the curriculum for this cutting edge and unique educational opportunity as well as co-wrote the text in her first book, Advancing Sexual Health for the Christian Client, Data and Dogma (2019). In addition, she has taught seminarians sexuality and faith classes at Lancaster Theological Seminary and is now touring for her second book, “Who Told You That You Were Naked? Meditations on the Sexual Body.” She has a passion for those in the pews and those who have left them because of the rigid or judgmental views about the body that, from her view, is too-often proclaimed in the church and is totally contrary to the Christian faith.

www.beverlydale.org

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman engages with mindfulness and pleasure coach Danielle Savory to explore the intertwined roles of mindfulness, self-compassion, and stress management in enhancing sexual desire and intimacy. The discussion delves into the physiological and psychological impacts of stress on sexual connection, emphasizing the different ways men and women handle stress and the resulting challenges. Practical techniques to improve mindfulness and awareness during sexual interactions are provided, alongside strategies for managing stress individually and within relationships. The episode also outlines personal experiences and transformations, underscoring the importance of self-regulation, creating personal safety, and fostering deeper connections using self-compassionate practices.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex

00:50 Introducing Danielle Savory: Mindfulness and Pleasure Coach

01:36 Danielle's Journey to Mindfulness and Pleasure

06:07 The Connection Between Mindfulness and Sexual Pleasure

09:03 Understanding Stress and Its Impact on Pleasure

14:35 Gender Differences in Handling Stress and Sexual Pleasure

17:25 Navigating Relationship Dynamics

17:45 Creating Personal Safety

18:34 Bridging the Gap with Partners

19:53 Managing Stress and Self-Regulation

21:08 Practical Stress-Relief Techniques

25:00 Mindfulness and Self-Compassion

30:05 Resources and Final Thoughts

Take the quiz athttps://www.sexlifequiz.com

Bio

Danielle Savory is a master-certified coach, public speaker, and passionate advocate for women’s pleasure, bringing science-backed data into the life-altering power of pleasure. With a deep, personal understanding of the challenges women face, Danielle is devoted to helping them reclaim their sexuality and reconnect with their bodies. She has successfully guided hundreds of women to overcome body shame, break free from societal expectations, and embrace the passionate lives they deserve. Danielle believes that pleasure isn’t a luxury—it’s essential to a woman’s overall health and happiness.

Rooted in neurology, Danielle’s approach emphasizes that every woman is inherently wired for pleasure, and tapping into that pleasure is crucial for optimal well-being—enhancing immunity, focus, creativity, and vitality. Having overcome her own struggles with body image, mixed messages about sex and past traumas, she now shares her wisdom and experience with others, helping them step into their power and fully embrace their pleasure. Whether through her coaching, speaking engagements, podcast, or courses, Danielle is on a mission to help women live lives they are truly in love with—where they are deeply satisfied, fully alive, and boldly standing up for what they believe.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this enlightening episode of Better Sex, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman converses with sex and relationship coach Aaron Michael. The discussion unpacks Aaron's journey into sexual health, beginning with his experiences in massage therapy and addressing his personal challenges. Key topics include 'suction sex,' 'embodied consent,' and 'embodied love,' offering a fresh approach to sexual pleasure, intimacy, and mutual satisfaction. Practical insights about overcoming numbness, understanding psychological and physical barriers, and the role of self-pleasuring in building confidence are explored. Additionally, the episode highlights the disparity within the sexual wellness industry, advocating for better education and higher standards for practitioners. Aaron also introduces 'Embodied Love University,' a platform designed to elevate sexual education and integrate wellness practices into broader medical and educational frameworks.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman

00:48 Meet Aaron Michael: A Journey into Sex and Relationship Coaching

03:39 Understanding Suction Sex: A New Approach to Shared Pleasure

07:59 Embodied Consent: Tuning into Your Body's Yes, No, and Maybe

09:46 Embodied Love: Building Intimacy Through Truth, Trust, and Celebration

11:19 Overcoming Numbness and Secondary Pleasure in Sexual Relationships

15:54 Awakening the Sensual Woman: A Six-Week Program

17:04 Masterclass Break: Making Sex Fun and Easy

17:49 Understanding the Pleasure System

19:37 Challenges for the Giver

21:47 Alleviating Performance Anxiety

24:58 Exploring Fantasies and Communication

28:09 The Future of Sexual Wellness

32:26 Introducing Embodied Love University

33:37 Programs and Resources

37:38 Conclusion and Contact Information

Interested in my webinars that talk about desire discrepancy? You can sign up athttps://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Bio

Aaron Michael, author of Optimal Sex life, creator of Bedroom Masterclass, and a Relationship, Intimacy and Sex Coach. He is your Coach’s coach and has dedicated himself to helping others discover, explore and integrate their sexual sovereignty by providing a no bs, adult, sex positive sex education.

With over +5000 hours of sexological body work, his work has influenced over 100,000 people, two venture funded startups, and he is the founder of Embodied Love™, Embodied Consent™ and Suction Sex™—a new method for the embodiment of penetrative sex.

He has created multiple online courses, from “9 Naughty Nights” to “YEAHFAP” to “Awakening The Sensual Woman”, which support individuals to be able to give and receive ecstatic pleasure as well as enhance their mental and physical arousal. Aaron is sought out for his innovative approach to resolving issues such as genital pain, anaorgasmia, premature ejaculation, penetration anxiety, mis-matched arousal, and mental arousal. His method is at the core of the Kama sex app practices and tools, as well as the Adamo Bioscience medical protocol for transforming sexual dysfunction.

He has an Elite MA in Cognitive Semiotics and an BA with Honors in Linguistics where he specialized in adult romantic attachment, courtship and how the brain interprets love. With over 20 years of experience as an embodiment coach in the field of dating, relationship and sex he crafts bespoke embodiment programs for you and your loved ones.

He and Dr. Saida are concentrating all of this work and expertise by co-founding the comprehensive, sexual wellness, learning platform at embodiedloveuniversity.com, which is a university like education and community, for sexual fluency and free education for all.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Dr. Irwin Goldstein (Dr, G(, a pioneer in sexual medicine, to discuss the intricacies of menopause and women's sexual health. The conversation delves into the hormonal changes during menopause, common misconceptions, and the benefits of seeking treatment even though menopause is a natural phase. Dr. G emphasizes the importance of understanding the Genital Urinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM) and its symptoms, and discusses various reversible treatment options including bioidentical hormones. The episode highlights the significant impact of monitored hormone management on improving women's health and the importance of educating women and medical professionals about the changes menopause brings. Jessa and Dr. G also touch on the societal tendency to overlook women's sexual health and the necessity for more comprehensive research and treatment guidelines. They conclude by discussing how women can find the right care in their areas through organizations like ISSWSH, and Jessa urges listeners to subscribe and rate the podcast for more insights.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman

00:45 Introduction to Dr. G and the Importance of Sexual Medicine

01:07 Understanding Menopause: Symptoms and Misconceptions

01:50 Dr. G's Personal Story and Approach to Menopause

04:20 Hormonal Changes and Their Impact on Women's Health

07:19 The Importance of Testosterone in Women

08:53 Challenges in Treating Menopause: FDA and Gender Bias

09:42 Natural vs. Treatable: The Debate on Menopause

12:04 Genitourinary Syndrome of Menopause (GSM)

16:31 The Role of ISSWSH and Urology in Women's Sexual Health

20:39 Treatment Options for Menopause

23:50 Monitoring and Administering Hormone Treatments

35:37 Finding the Right Provider and Conclusion

37:03 Closing Remarks and Listener Engagement

Work with Jessa? Learn more athttps://www.intimacywithease.com

Bio:

Dr. Goldstein has been involved with sexual dysfunction research since the late 1970's. He has authored more than 350 publications as well as multiple book chapters and edited 6 textbooks in the field. His interests include penile microvascular bypass surgery, surgery for dyspareunia, sexual health management post cancer treatment, genital dysesthesia/persistent genital arousal disorder, physiologic investigation of sexual function in men and women, and diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunction in men and women. Dr. Goldstein is Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital, Clinical Professor of Surgery at University of California, San Diego and practices medicine at San Diego Sexual Medicine. He is also Editor-in-Chief of Sexual Medicine Reviews and past Editor of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. He is a Past President of the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health and of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America. He holds a degree in engineering from Brown University and received his medical degree from McGill University. The World Association for Sexual Health awarded the Gold Medal to Dr. Goldstein in 2009 in recognition of his lifelong contributions to the field, in 2012 he received the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health Award for Distinguished Service in Women’s Sexual Health, in 2013 he received the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, and in 2014 he received the ISSM Lifetime Achievement Award from the International Society for Sexual Medicine. He is happily married to his college sweetheart Sue, and together they have three children and five grandchildren.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Christine Miles, an expert in the skill of listening, to discuss its significance in intimate relationships and beyond. The conversation delves into the importance of actively cultivating listening skills rather than relying on innate ability. Christine shares her own background and how understanding her mother's underlying pain led her to become an empathetic listener. The episode explores common pitfalls and barriers to effective listening, such as digital distractions and emotional defenses, and offers strategies to overcome them. Christine elaborates on a structured approach to listening, presenting six foundational tools that help engage with the speaker's story comprehensively. She emphasizes the power of understanding in fostering connection and resolving conflicts. The discussion also touches on the importance of empathy and how it naturally follows structured listening. Christine is launching a classroom program aimed at teaching children listening skills, highlighting the broader applicability of these techniques. The episode aims to encourage listeners to integrate these principles into daily interactions to strengthen their relationships.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman

00:47 The Importance of Listening in Relationships

01:30 Christine Miles' Journey to Becoming a Listening Expert

04:11 The Impact of Listening on Relationships

05:33 Common Pitfalls in Listening

11:04 The Role of Empathy and Curiosity in Listening

17:01 Barriers to Effective Listening

20:03 Tools and Strategies for Better Listening

20:17 Mastering the Listening Path

20:34 The Four Stops of a Story

22:31 Facts and Feelings in Storytelling

23:38 The Six Most Powerful Questions

25:53 Reflecting and Summarizing

28:06 The Water Filter Technique

30:18 Listening as a Skill

33:03 Integrating Listening Skills in Daily Life

34:29 Resources and Final Thoughts

Interested in the private podcasts?

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner:https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner:https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Bio:

CHRISTINE MILES is the founder and CEO of EQuipt, an award-winning author, professional keynote speaker, consultant, executive coach, thought leader, entrepreneur, and world-renowned expert in the field of listening differently. With a background in psychology, Christine has spent 25+ years working with individuals and organizations to unlock the power of emotional intelligence to drive business and personal results, solve complex problems, and build enduring relationships.

Christine believes listening, not speaking, is the most powerful form of communication. Dealing with her mother’s pain and adversity, from a very young age, Christine learned to listen differently. Her ability to listen is what has always set her apart. In contrast, throughout her career, Christine recognized the inability to listen as a common thread in the failure of relationships, leaders, salespeople, projects, and businesses. She also recognized, while we’re taught the importance of listening, we are rarely taught how. She founded EQuipt to change this. To create a Listening Movement, revolutionizing the communication paradigm, where listening to understand, not speaking, is recognized as the most important and powerful form of communication. Christine is passionate about creating a reality where educators, business leaders, and corporations invest time and resources – in listening – to cultivate a future with more unity, and less division, more curiosity and collaboration, and make room for more innovation and humanity.

To scale EQuipt’s Listening Movement, Christine published the award-winning book, What Is It Costing You Not to Listen?: The Power of Understanding to Connect, Influence, Solve & Sell (2021). Based on the principles outlined in her book, she created the Listening Path®, a game-changing approach to teaching people how to listen differently, to transform their personal and professional lives.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman speaks with Melissa Kilbride about the importance of open and honest conversations with children regarding sex, sexuality, and pornography. Melissa shares her background in social work and emphasizes the necessity of early and age-appropriate sex education to prevent sexual abuse, promote sexual health, and reduce shame. They discuss the impacts of societal and parental silence on sexual topics, providing practical advice for discussing these topics with children from a young age. The episode also touches on the challenges and considerations for parents monitoring their children's online activity and introduces Melissa's resources and workshops designed to support parents in fostering healthy, informed views on sexuality in their kids.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:50 Guest Introduction: Melissa Kilbride

00:58 The Importance of Talking to Kids About Sex

01:36 Melissa's Background and Passion

04:02 Challenges and Strategies for Parents

04:57 Breaking Down the Conversation by Age

11:29 The Role of Pleasure and Consent

22:31 Discussing Pornography with Kids

27:51 Parental Controls and Monitoring

30:54 Conclusion and Resources

Want to take the quiz?https://www.sexlifequiz.com

Melissa Kilbride is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist. She is the owner of a group therapy practice in the Capitol Hill neighborhood of Washington, DC and has 20 years of experience in direct client contact. Melissa is an advocate for early sexual health education and, as both a clinician and a mother, believes passionately in the necessity of teaching young children about their bodies and sex as an issue of safety and a path to later healthy relationships. Melissa offers workshops and consultations to parents in support of these ideals to help them feel more “askable” and help them navigate sex talks and related challenges that may come up along the way. Melissa is also the co-author of Working with Worry: A workbook for parents on how to support anxious children.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Addressing Religious Sexual Shame with Jessa Zimmerman and Natasha Helfer

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman chats with sex therapist Natasha Helfer about religious sexual shame. They discuss its origins, the impact it has on individuals, and ways to overcome it. Natasha shares insights from her personal background, professional experiences, and offers practical advice through the 'pep talk' approach (Permission, Education, Practice, Talk). The episode also explores various religious teachings and their effects on sexual behavior and health, delivering valuable information for those trying to reconcile their sexual and religious identities.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:47 Guest Introduction: Natasha Helfer

01:19 Understanding Religious Sexual Shame

03:02 Purity Culture and Its Impact

05:51 Sexual Shame and Its Consequences

08:53 Navigating Sexual Shame in Relationships

10:44 Recognizing and Addressing Sexual Shame

13:25 Therapeutic Approaches to Sexual Shame

16:32 Managing Sexual Shame Within Religious Contexts

22:17 Practical Steps to Overcome Sexual Shame

30:24 Resources and Support for Sexual Shame

37:25 Conclusion and Contact Information

Want to be a guest on the show to share your personal story? Don't worry, it can be anonymous! Reach out atinfo@intimacywithease.com

Bio:

Natasha Helfer is an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist/Supervisor and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist with almost 25 years of experience (licensed in UT, KS & WI). Her expertise lies in the intersection of conservative religious upbringings and sexuality, specifically in the area of deconstructing internalized sexual shame. She runs a group practice, Symmetry Counseling, where services focus on helping people with religious trauma, reclaiming sexual desire, mixed-faith relationships, coming out journeys, healing sexual shame or trauma, and exploring sexual authenticity. Natasha is the author of two books: Check Your Baggage: Unpack the Messages Getting in the Way of Your Sex Life and One Family, Two Views: How to Fortify Your Mixed-Faith Mormon Marriage. She’s the Director of the Program in Religion and Mental Health Treatment at the Buehler Institute at the Buehler Institute (learnsextherapy.com) where she provides a 12-hour APA approved competency certificate called: Sex, Love & Conservative Faith. Natasha was excommunicated from the Mormon church in 2021, for her advocacy in regards to sexual health. You can find her at natashahelfer.com and @natashahelfermft where she podcasts, runs a membership and offers you all kinds of helpful resources.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Understanding Stress Responses and Mindfulness in Intimate Relationships

In this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Rachel Posner, who discusses the importance of understanding and managing stress responses in intimate relationships. Rachel explains the body's stress mechanisms like fight, flight, or freeze responses, and how these can affect our connections and sexual encounters. She emphasizes the significance of mindfulness and practical techniques like breath awareness to regulate the nervous system, aiming for greater safety, connection, and pleasure in relationships. Various strategies and the benefits of mindfulness are explored to help listeners lower their stress levels for improved intimacy.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:53 Interview with Rachel Posner: Understanding Stress Responses

01:59 Exploring the Nervous System and Stress Triggers

12:29 Impact of Stress on Relationships and Sexual Experiences

16:52 Mindfulness Practices for Reducing Stress

20:51 Practical Tips for Mindfulness and Relaxation

28:10 Conclusion and Resources

Special Collections of the Better Sex Podcast:https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/collections

https://www.rachelposner.com/take-5-practice

Bio

Rachel Posner, C-IAYT, E-RYT, is a yoga therapist and mindfulness coach helping people reduce stress, build resilience and thrive. She offers individual yoga therapy sessions, mindfulness courses, yoga memberships and retreats. Her work is informed by the intersection of mindfulness, neuroscience and psychology and her teachings integrate best practices for the mind, body and brain. Rachel has been in the wellness field for 24 years and is driven by a deep desire to help people feel calm, connected and engaged in their lives. You can learn more atwww.rachelposner.com

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back guest Martha Kauppi for a vibrant discussion on the art of making and keeping agreements in relationships. They explore the importance of having explicit conversations to establish trust and understanding between partners. Topics include identifying when and what types of agreements should be made, the significance of revisiting and renegotiating agreements, and developing the skills needed to navigate these discussions constructively. The episode also delves into distinctive challenges faced by both monogamous and polyamorous couples, providing insights into maintaining integrity and trust. Listeners are guided on how to uphold agreements effectively and the potential pitfalls of inadequate or overly detailed agreements.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:51 The Importance of Agreements in Relationships

03:29 Common Areas Requiring Agreements

07:20 Revisiting and Keeping Agreements

11:15 The Skills for Making Good Agreements

22:31 Trust Building Through Transparent Agreements

24:10 Mid-Episode Break: Resources for Desire Discrepancy

25:04 Revisiting Agreements: The Importance of Flexibility

25:13 Experimentation in Agreement Making

26:27 The Collaborative Nature of Agreements

26:54 Understanding Your Partner's Needs

28:32 Building Trust Through Hard Conversations

30:14 Monogamous vs. Polyamorous Agreements

33:17 Avoiding Pitfalls in Agreement Making

39:17 The Consequences of Breaking Agreements

40:50 When Agreements Become Deal Breakers

48:35 Resources for Better Relationships

Want access to the secret podcasts regarding desire discrepancy?

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner:https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner:https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Bio:

Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist, educator, author, speaker, and AASECT-certified sex therapist and supervisor. She has a lifelong career in health and sexuality, and is a senior trainer of the Developmental Model of Couples Therapy. Martha trains therapists all over the world to work more effectively with relational intimacy challenges and sex issues. She is the author of Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients).

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman discusses Peyronie's disease with Dr. Irwin Goldstein, a pioneer in sexual medicine. They explore the causes, diagnosis, and treatment options of the disease, and offer insights into both men's and women's perspectives on the condition.

00:00 Introduction

01:29 Guest Introduction

01:52 Understanding Peyronie's Disease

03:11 Causes and Risk Factors

11:09 Symptoms and Diagnosis

17:37 Treatment Options

34:33 Patient Perspectives

36:30 Conclusion

Looking to work with Jessa? Visithttps://www.intimacywithease.com

Dr. Goldstein has been involved with sexual dysfunction research since the late 1970's. He has authored more than 350 publications as well as multiple book chapters and edited 6 textbooks in the field. His interests include penile microvascular bypass surgery, surgery for dyspareunia, sexual health management post cancer treatment, genital dysesthesia/persistent genital arousal disorder, physiologic investigation of sexual function in men and women, and diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunction in men and women. Dr. Goldstein is Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital, Clinical Professor of Surgery at University of California, San Diego and practices medicine at San Diego Sexual Medicine. He is also Editor-in-Chief of Sexual Medicine Reviews and past Editor of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. He is a Past President of the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health and of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America. He holds a degree in engineering from Brown University and received his medical degree from McGill University. The World Association for Sexual Health awarded the Gold Medal to Dr. Goldstein in 2009 in recognition of his lifelong contributions to the field, in 2012 he received the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health Award for Distinguished Service in Women’s Sexual Health, in 2013 he received the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, and in 2014 he received the ISSM Lifetime Achievement Award from the International Society for Sexual Medicine. He is happily married to his college sweetheart Sue, and together they have three children and five grandchildren.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, Jessa Zimmerman is joined by Dan Purcell, creator of the app Intimately Us, to discuss how to truly spice up your sex life through intimacy and personal growth. Dan shares his personal journey and insights about overcoming sexual ruts, improving communication, and embracing eroticism in marriage. Together, they offer practical advice and tips for couples looking to reignite their connection.

00:00 Introduction

01:35 Meeting Dan Purcell

01:49 Dan's Personal Story

03:04 The Catalyst for Change

07:09 Starting the Journey Together

10:48 The Role of Novelty and Growth

14:09 Common Advice and Why It Fails

19:22 Effective Communication

25:17 Exploring Eroticism

34:28 Overcoming Differences in Desire

41:26 Dan's Resources and Final Thoughts

Want to take the quiz?https://www.sexlifequiz.com

Dan's Bio:

Dan and his wife Emily Purcell are the founders of Get Your Marriage On! They are on a mission to help millions of couples overcome obstacles to significantly improve sex and intimacy in their marriages by making lovemaking incredibly fun and deeply connecting.

Dan is a sex and intimacy coach. They are also the creators of the popular Intimately Us and Just Between Us apps that have been downloaded over 750,000 times. They are the host of the popular Get Your Marriage On! podcast with over 1.2 million listens. They have directly helped thousands of couples enjoy a great sex life and deeper intimacy through their coaching programs, romantic couples retreats, and workshops.

Dan and Emily met in middle school and have been married for over 20 years and have 6 kids. Dan loves cracking dad jokes, running marathons, planning the next creative date night with his sweetheart, and enjoys the magnificent outdoors around their St George home.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman interviews Lee Jagger, a sex coach specializing in helping women with male partners. Lee shares her journey from an unexpected start in erotic massage to becoming an expert with over 2000 clients and developing 69+ techniques for pleasuring men. They discuss the importance of communication, confidence, and overcoming discomfort in the bedroom. Lee emphasizes how women can enhance their intimate relationships by initiating and mastering various techniques while fostering stronger connections with their partners. The episode also covers practical advice for overcoming aversion to genital touch, techniques for men with erectile issues, and how mutual improvement in sexual skills can benefit both partners.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:50 Meet Lee Jagger: From Homelessness to Sex Coaching

01:37 Lee's Journey into Erotic Massage

04:36 Transforming Personal and Professional Life

07:02 Empowerment Through Erotic Massage

08:17 Impact on Personal Relationships

12:55 Encouraging Women to Take the Lead

20:17 Overcoming Discomfort with Genital Touch

21:43 Non-Genital Touching Techniques

22:42 Introducing Intimacy Through Kindness

23:43 Understanding Male Anatomy

29:46 Communication and Consent in the Bedroom

37:50 Resources and Final Thoughts

Want to share your personal story on the podcast? It can be done anonymously. Send us an email at info@intimacywithease.com

Get the free training athttps://www.rockthebedroom.com

And/or get 10% off your first month of the Spice It Up membership: Go tohttps://www.rockthebedroom.com/membershipand use JESSA10 at checkout.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex podcast, host and sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman is joined by expert Diane Gleim to discuss the concept of porn literacy. Diane explains the importance of understanding porn as a form of entertainment and not education, recognizing its business nature, and being aware of the sophisticated filmmaking techniques used. The conversation delves into the moral incongruence many viewers feel, the unrealistic expectations set by mainstream porn, and how these can impact real-life intimate relationships. Diane also shares information about her online course designed to provide a comprehensive understanding of porn literacy.

Interested in the special collections of Better Sex Podcast episodes? Visithttps://www.bettersexpodcast.com/collections

00:00 Introduction

01:20 What is Porn Literacy?

04:10 Defining Porn Literacy

08:12 Ambiguities in Porn

16:35 Viewership Statistics

23:07 Suspension of Disbelief

33:11 Dealing with Erotic Conflict

35:27 Conclusion and Contact Information

Diane Gleim is an award-winning Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and AASECT Certified SexTherapist and Supervisor practicing in person and via telehealth in California. She treats the many diverse issues related to sexual identity, sexual expression, sexual behavior, and sexual relationships. Her clients include everyone with a sexual concern: individuals and couples ages 18-85, and the LGBTQ+, kinky, and poly populations.

her website:http://www.dianegleim.com/

porn literacy 101 online course:https://courses.dianegleim.com/

that PT blog:https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/underneath-the-sheets/202201/the-wife-upset-about-her-husband-s-porn-viewing

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman chats with certified sexuality educator Martha Tara Lee about overcoming sexual inhibitions, particularly in Asian cultures. They discuss the impact of cultural, religious, and educational backgrounds on sexual expression and provide practical advice to help individuals and couples enhance their sexual knowledge and intimacy.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:47 Guest Introduction: Martha Tara Lee

01:24 Understanding Sexual Inhibitions

02:08 Cultural Influences on Sexuality

03:17 Challenges and Misconceptions

05:11 Therapeutic Approaches and Techniques

11:59 Client Experiences and Success Stories

12:25 Break: How to Get Help

12:55 Expanding Sexual Awareness

14:49 Communication and Comfort in Intimacy

23:46 Final Thoughts and Client Feedback

25:10 Conclusion and Contact Information

Interested in working with Jessa? Visithttps://www.intimacywithease.comto learn more.

Bio:

Dr. Martha Tara Lee of Eros Coaching is a highly sought-after and respected sex expert in Singapore, holding a Doctorate in Human Sexuality and a Masters in Counseling. Her expertise and experience have made her a frequent media presence, as she works tirelessly to help individuals and couples achieve self-actualization and pleasure in their lives. Dr Lee has the distinction of being the only certified sexuality educator and sexuality educator supervisor by AASECT in Asia. She was recognized as one of ‘Top 50 Inspiring Women under 40’ by Her World in July 2010, and one of ‘Top 100 Inspiring Women’ by CozyCot in March 2011. She has authored four books on personal growth and sexual empowerment. In addition, Dr. Lee has been appointed as the Resident Sexologist for organizations such as Singapore Cancer Society, Of Noah.sg, OfZoey.sg, and Virtus Fertility Centre.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of BetterSex, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews nurse practitioner and sexual health expert, Maureen Ryan. Topics include the importance of discussing sexual health with medical providers, tips for patients to advocate for their sexual health, and the common issues like erectile dysfunction, low desire, sexual performance anxiety, and painful sex. Maureen shares her journey into the field, emphasizing the need for healthcare providers to ask the right questions and provide a safe, non-judgmental environment for patients to discuss intimate concerns. She also highlights the necessity of ongoing education and skills for medical professionals to improve patient care.

00:00 Introduction to BetterSex Podcast

00:46 Meet Maureen Ryan: Passionate About Sexual Health

01:29 Maureen's Journey into Sexual Health

04:43 Challenges in Addressing Sexual Health

06:18 Importance of Healthcare Providers in Sexual Health

09:49 How to Advocate for Your Sexual Health

14:13 Overcoming Dismissive Healthcare Responses

16:32 Educating Healthcare Providers on Sexual Health

22:33 Conclusion and Contact Information

To view and subscribe to any of our podcast special collections, visit this link:https://www.bettersexpodcast.com/collections

As a nurse practitioner and sexuality counselor, I believe that love and intimacy are essential to human happiness. Through confidential virtual sessions, I support individuals and couples in overcoming barriers to sexual satisfaction, allowing for deeper connections and enhanced love and affection.

I hold a Doctorate in Nursing Practice and am dual licensed as an Adult Health Nurse Practitioner (AHNP) and Women’s Health Nurse Practitioner (WHNP). Additionally, I am an AASECT Certified Sexuality Counselor (CSC) and am a National Board-Certified Health and Wellness Coach (NBC-HWC).

As an approved Continuing Education Provider (CEP), I hold accreditation from both the California Board of Registered Nursing and the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT).

Acknowledging the profound influence that addressing sexual health concerns can have on people’s lives, I am deeply passionate about educating healthcare providers on matters of sexual health, emphasizing its significance in enhancing the overall quality of life.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of BetterSex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes therapist and sex expert Chelsea Burton to discuss the concept of relationship ruptures and how to repair them. The conversation covers both major ruptures like infidelity and smaller, everyday breaches of trust. Chelsea explains the importance of acknowledging and repairing these ruptures to maintain and improve intimate relationships. The episode delves into attachment theory, the role of empathy, and strategies for reconnecting emotionally and physically with your partner, even after significant betrayals. Practical advice for couples on maintaining connection and rebuilding trust is shared throughout the discussion.

00:00 Introduction to BetterSex

00:52 Understanding Relationship Ruptures

01:34 Defining Ruptures and Repairs

03:17 The Importance of Repairing Small Ruptures

05:14 Effective Repair Strategies

14:58 Impact of Ruptures on Sexual Intimacy

19:57 Repairing Big Ruptures: Infidelity and Betrayal

26:47 Conclusion and Contact Information

To register for the webinar, use this link:https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Chelsea Burton's bio:

I am a licensed psychologist providing adult psychotherapy, couples therapy, sex therapy and family therapy. I approach therapy from a relational perspective, and enjoy working collaboratively with clients and their strengths to create change. I am particularly interested in working with clients around family of origin issues, relationship issues, trauma, sexual relationships and sexuality. I work with couples on communication, strengthening relational dynamics and sexual or intimacy concerns. I also work as an AASECT certified sex therapist and am open to working using an open and mindful approach whether you come as a couple or as an individual. I also work with people experiencing depression, stress, anxiety or grief.

I earned my Doctoral degree in Clinical Psychology from William James College in Newton, MA after first earning a Masters of Arts in Counseling Psychology from Lesley University in Cambridge, MA. I completed my APA-accredited internship training at Y.O.U. Inc. where I provided individual and family therapy as well as psychological testing and assessment. I also completed an APA-accredited post-doctoral fellowship at Tufts University’s Counseling and Mental Health Services. I have clinical experience in a number of other settings, which include: eating disorder treatment, community mental health centers, an acute-care inpatient residential center for children and a group psychotherapy practice for adults.

www.drchelsealevy.com

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Am I Normal? Exploring Common Sexual Concerns with Michael Castleman

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back Michael Castleman to discuss the most frequently asked questions about sex that he has received over the past decade. They delve into the pervasive 'Am I normal?' question, addressing the cultural confusion surrounding sexuality, the impact of upbringing on sexual attitudes, and the normalization of diverse sexual practices. The conversation also touches on the influence of pornography, social media's effects on intimacy, and the progress in societal acceptance of various sexual behaviors. Castleman shares insights from his extensive experience as a sex columnist and educator, emphasizing that most sexual behaviors are normal unless they involve criminal activity.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:47 Guest Introduction: Michael Kasselman

01:35 Am I Normal? Common Sex Questions

02:23 Solo Sex and Cultural Stigmas

09:01 BDSM and Fifty Shades of Grey

16:31 The Impact of Pornography

20:19 Teens and Pornography

28:31 Social Media and Sexual Health

33:42 Conclusion and Resources

Take the quiz:https://www.sexlifequiz.com

Bio:

Michael Castleman is the world's most popular sexuality writer. His twice-monthly blog on PsychologyToday.com, "All About Sex," launched in 2009, has amassed more than 59 million views. The free Question & Answer site he has published since 2010, GreatSexGuidance.com, has attracted 2 million more. January 2021 saw the publication of his book, Sizzling Sex for Life, a cradle-to-grave sexuality guide. His two previous sexualitacy guides—Sexual Solutions (1980) and Great Sex (2004)—have sold more than 600,000 copies. He also writes a free, weekly sex-related blog on Substack.

He has answered more than 12,000 sex questions from people around the world of all ages and sexual inclinations. In addition to his Question & Answer site, he spent 10 years (1997-2007) answering sex questions from customers of Xandria, then a major sex toy marketer, and five years (1991-1995) answering the sex questions submitted to Playboy's "Advisor" column. He has also answered questions for WebMD and several other websites, magazines, and call-in radio shows.

In 1978, he earned a Masters degree in Journalism from UC Berkeley. From 1979-2007, he wrote more than 1,500 health articles for newspapers, magazines, and Web sites about all of the above, including the New York Times, WebMD, Salon.com, PlanetRx.com, AARP, Reader's Digest, Smithsonian, Cosmopolitan, Redbook, Self, Family Circle, Ladies' Home Journal, Prevention, Men's Health, Men's Fitness, Men's Journal, Natural Health, Mother Jones, and The Nation. Library Journal called him "one of the nation's leading health writers."

In 2007, he retired from health journalism but has continued to write about sexuality. Why? "The thank-you notes. Readers appreciated my health writing, but I've gotten many more thank-you notes from answering sex questions and providing sexuality information and counseling."

Castleman grew up in a Long Island suburb of New York City. He earned a BA in English from the University of Michigan and graduated Phi Beta Kappa (1972). He lives in San Francisco.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host Jessa Zimmerman interviews Nicholas Maio-Aether, a pioneer in sexual behavior analysis. They dive into the behavioral approach to changing sexual behaviors, emphasizing consensual goal-setting and positive reinforcement. Nicholas explains the methodologies used in behavior analysis, the importance of reducing punishment, and how this field can be beneficial both for individuals with disabilities and neurotypical clients. They also discuss the differences between traditional sex therapy and sexual behavior analysis, as well as the populations best suited for each. Nicholas shares insights into his practice, his training program for professionals, and his personal motivations for working in this field.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex Podcast

00:50 Exploring Sexual Behavior Analysis

01:41 Defining Behavior Analysis

02:56 Challenges and Misconceptions in Behavior Analysis

03:49 Behavior Analysis in Sexual Relationships

08:26 Behavior Analysis in Disability Support

16:08 Behavior Analysis for Neurotypical Clients

31:11 Training and Finding a Sexual Behavior Analyst

35:04 Conclusion and Contact Information

Want to take Jessa's quiz - How big a problem is your sex life? Find it athttps://www.sexlifequiz.com

BIO:

Nicholas owns Empowered: A Center for Sexuality in St Louis, where he and his occasional teams of partnered Universities' students work to assist humans with and without disabilities to achieve sexual access, sexual freedom, gender affirmation, and self-control of compulsive behaviors. Nicholas works throughout the US training BCBAs/Behavior Analysts so persons in Individualized Supportive Living (ISL) programs gain access to applicable and generalizable comprehensive sex ed and sexual opportunities. Nicholas provides Sexual Behavior Analysis, and has assisted polycules, kinksters, gay couples, trans and nonbinary humans, among others, on their journeys. Trained by GLSEN in 2003, Nicholas started Gay-Straight Alliances across Alaska while in high school, and provided them sex ed materials and trainings. Nicholas spent five years managing Hustler Hollywood in St Louis before moving into Behavior Analysis, and joined AASECT, where he currently sits on two committees. He then completed a Sex Therapy practicum under Linda Weiner, LMSW, CSTS, in 2019 before getting a second Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, and meeting those hour requirements under Angela Skurtu, LMFT, CST, along with his LGBTQIA+ Family Systems Specialist certificate in 2021. He also ABD for a PhD in Clinical Sexology.

IG handle: @empoweredcenterstl

www.empoweredcenter.com

www.facebook.com/empoweredcenterstl

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman talks with Esther Hooley to address the impacts of purity culture on individuals and their sexuality. They explore how purity culture influences sexual scripts, the resulting shame, and how one can begin to heal and embrace their true sexuality. Esther discusses her book, 'Embracing Erotic Wholeness,' and how curiosity and reframing spirituality can assist in overcoming the detrimental effects of purity culture.

00:00 Introduction

00:45 Guest Introduction and Topic Overview

01:15 Esther's Background

03:09 Defining Purity Culture

02:28 Impacts of Purity Culture

10:15 Shame and Sexuality

08:25 Disconnect and Reconnection

19:47 Reframing Sexual and Spiritual Beliefs

24:36 Closing Remarks

Want to share your personal story on our podcast? This can be done anonymously! Just email us at info@intimacywithease.com

Bio:

Dr. Hooley has been a clinician for over a decade and is currently a licensed psychologist in Waco, Texas. She specializes in sex therapy, trauma recovery, eating concerns, and spirituality concerns. She is currently in private practice working with people across the U.S. seeking healing. She recently published her first book entitled "Embracing Erotic Wholeness: From Shame to Curiosity" which focuses on embodied healing after living through purity culture.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode of Better Sex, hosted by sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman, the topic of discussion is the orgasm gap between heterosexual men and women. Joined by Dr. Laurie Mintz, an expert who wrote 'Becoming Cliterate', they explore the reasons behind this gap, which includes the lack of clitoral stimulation for women and societal misconceptions about female pleasure. Dr. Mintz shares insights from her research and teaching experiences, highlights the improvements since her book's publication in 2017, and discusses ways to enhance sexual pleasure through communication, use of vibrators, and changing cultural narratives around sex. The episode provides valuable information for both women and men to improve their intimate relationships and achieve a more fulfilling sex life.

00:00 Introduction to Better Sex

00:48 Understanding the Orgasm Gap

01:02 Guest Introduction: Laurie Mintz

01:39 Defining the Orgasm Gap

04:59 Cultural Influences on Female Pleasure

05:43 Statistics and Research on Female Orgasm

08:45 Barriers to Female Pleasure

19:09 Strategies to Close the Orgasm Gap

19:40 The Role of Vibrators in Sexual Pleasure

23:10 Empowering Women and Men in Sexual Relationships

26:55 Closing Thoughts and Resources

27:55 Podcast Outro

Interested in Jessa's private podcasts?

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Dr. Laurie Mintz is a professor, author, speaker, and therapist. As an Emeritus Professor at the University of Florida, she teaches the Psychology of Human Sexuality to hundreds of undergraduate students each year. She has published over 50 scholarly articles and six chapters in academic books. She is the author of two popular press books, both written with the aim of empowering women sexually and both with published studies demonstrating their effectiveness: Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters and How to Get It (HarperOne, 2017) and A Tired Woman's Guide to Passionate Sex: Reclaim Your Desire and Reignite Your Relationship (Adams Media, 2009). With this same goal of providing scientifically-accurate, sex-positive information to enhance female pleasure, Dr. Mintz gives presentations and workshops to professionals and lay audiences, including a TEDx talk with over two million views. For over 30 years, Dr. Mintz has also maintained a private practice, working with individuals and couples on general and sexual issues. Dr. Mintz is a Fellow of the American Psychological Association, indicating that her work has had a positive national influence on the field of psychology. In 2023, she was named one of Forbes “50 over 50” woman innovators.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Understanding and Treating Erectile Dysfunction with Dr. Jeff Nuziard

In this episode of Better Sex, host Jessa Zimmerman welcomes Dr. Jeff Nuziard to discuss erectile dysfunction (ED). They delve into the misconceptions around ED, particularly the false notion that blood flow is the primary issue. Dr. Nuziard shares his personal journey with ED, beginning at age 40, and his research which led to developing a patented treatment protocol that focuses on hormone balance and collagen regeneration. The episode explores traditional and new treatment methods, including hormone replacement therapy, PRP shots, and acoustic shockwave therapy, emphasizing the importance of treating the root cause rather than just the symptoms. They also touch on the broader implications of hormone imbalance and collagen loss in both men and women, showcasing innovative treatment options available through Sexual Wellness Centers of America and RegenMax.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex: Unveiling the Show

00:51 Diving Deep into Erectile Dysfunction: A Tough Topic

01:40 Dr. Jeff Nuziard's Personal Journey and Breakthrough in ED

06:29 Unraveling the Myths of Erectile Dysfunction

08:50 The Hormonal Connection: Testosterone's Role in Aging and ED

13:58 A New Perspective on Hormone Levels and Health

16:02 The Future of Hormone Testing and Management

18:36 Navigating Sexual Wellness: Understanding Hormonal Balance

19:19 Breaking the Silence: Addressing Desire Discrepancy

20:01 Exploring Traditional Treatments for Sexual Dysfunction

22:17 Innovative Solutions: Beyond Conventional Therapies

26:37 Revolutionizing Sexual Health: The RegenMax Protocol

29:30 Expanding Horizons: Treating Women's Sexual Health

33:23 Beyond Sexual Functioning: Broader Applications of Regenerative Techniques

34:20 Accessing Treatment: How to Connect with RegenMax

36:30 Closing Thoughts: The Journey to Sexual Wellness

Interested in those private podcasts about desire discrepancy?

The higher desire partner podcast:https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

The lower desire partner podcast:

https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

After a twenty-year career as a CFP, Dr. Jeff Nuziard completely reinvented his life after finding himself wholly a-sexual and unable to perform at the age of 40. After selling his financial book of business, he was determined to fix this performance issue without the use of pills or surgery. After 15 years of study, research, development, and testing, he discovered the actual cause of Erectile Dysfunction and how to reverse and cure the problem. After completing a 250-patient clinical study, this discovery led to a Doctorate in Bio-Medical Science and the issuance of the only Globally patented cure for Erectile Dysfunction with a 97.2% success rate. This patented multi-modality cure is known as REGENmax®.

Jeff Founded and oversees Sexual Wellness Centers of America, LLC in 2020, located in Colleyville, Texas, where his staff treats both ED and Vaginal dysfunction. While maintaining a 97.2% success rate and the Patent issued, Jeff now spends his time teaching and working with practitioners to obtain licensure for his protocols and help people worldwide.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Healing After Infidelity: Insights and Strategies with Rich Heller

In this episode of the Better Sex Podcast, host sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman welcomes back relationship expert Rich Heller to discuss the complex issue of infidelity recovery. They explore the various reasons behind infidelity, the different forms it can take, and the steps toward healing after a breach of trust. Rich emphasizes the importance of understanding and recognizing both partners' roles in the relationship dynamics that may lead to infidelity. The conversation covers topics such as emotional versus physical infidelity, the necessity of honest communication, personal responsibility, and the steps required to rebuild trust. Rich also shares his professional experiences and introduces his mental and emotional release techniques aimed at relationship healing.

00:00 Welcome to Better Sex: Navigating Infidelity

00:52 Understanding Infidelity: Definitions and Dynamics

02:24 Exploring the Gray Areas of Infidelity

03:59 The Impact of Children and Intimacy Challenges

04:25 Navigating Emotional Connections and Trust Breaches

08:38 Recovering from Infidelity: Accountability and Healing

16:23 The Role of Communication and Responsibility in Relationships

20:59 Inviting Reflection on Contribution and Culpability

22:36 Confronting Denial in Relationships

24:24 The Signs of Infidelity: A Deep Dive

25:43 Healing from Infidelity: Steps and Strategies

25:54 Understanding the Dynamics of Infidelity

28:14 The Role of Personal Responsibility in Healing

35:09 Exploring Solutions: Therapy and Beyond

39:07 Accessing Support: Workshops and Consultations

Interested in Jessa's free masterclass about How to Make Sex Easy and Fun for both of you? You can register athttps://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Rich Heller MSW, CPC, ELI MP

Rich is a "Conflict Coach" who works with people engaged in high levels of conflict so that they can create cooperation out of conflict. He works with individuals and couples, focusing on how they can have a relationship that works with minimum friction and maximum support for their children. Additionally Rich helps organizations and businesses transform destructive conflict into a vehicle for change and innovation.

He went to Vassar College for his BA, Hunter School of Social Work for his MA, a trained in mediation with the Center for Understanding in Conflict, and trained in Parent Coordination through the AFCC. He is a Certified Professional Coach, and an ELI Master Practitioner.

No stranger to conflict, Rich Heller grew up in NYC, is a child of divorce, has been divorced, and successfully remarried. He and his partner Katherine have been married for over 20 years and launched six children into the world.

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

For the final episode of the Better Sex Podcast, blogger Desiree Simone shares her journey on divorce and how it led to her blogging her feelings as she was going through the process. More than a decade later, through her blog that evolved into a podcast, Desiree lets us in on the most common mistakes that she gets from people regarding relationships, dating and sex and the kind of advice she gives on every challenge and mistake.

With the onslaught of social media, one common mistake is still having a social media communication with your ex-partner. It is one thing when you just want to see what the other person is up to, but even just looking is a form of engagement. There is a slippery slope in this scenario, although still on a case-by-case basis, of becoming a little bit obsessed as to what they’re doing and looking at it every day. There’s a great danger of going down that rabbit hole of really trying to get additional information. You then would wonder why it is important to you suddenly? Are you just platonic Facebook friends? The emotional response is the one that you need to be careful of because it can get you asking whether you still have feelings for your ex? Am I really over this person? Am I ready to move on?

You also must think about the effect it would have on your current partner once they find out that you still have that emotional connection that you are holding on to. Ask yourself: How would you feel if your partner was doing the same thing? If you realized you wanted to get back to your partner, you must be honest even if it will make you look bad.

Another problem still related to social media is the need to make all aspects of the relationship public. It tends to create chaos because you are inviting other people to put their two cents in. Ask yourself: Why do you need to do it and to what gain? Creating an image of a perfect relationship or marriage on social media is dangerous as it feels the need to compete.

Top bad decisions people make about sexual relationships

The biggest mistake people make is not openly communicating to their partner the things that they like and do not like. It is important to let your partner in. We all must be better at being able to talk effectively to our partner about things that work or do not work for us. Sex is about you too and not just your partner. It is important to find ways to make the experience amazing for both parties. Fake orgasms do not serve anybody, and you will be miserable doing it.

Another thing in line with this is talking about things that you might want to try. Do not repress it because you might end up being resentful in the end. You should feel comfortable enough with your partner to open up. If you are on the receiving end of this, you should welcome any conversation without judgement, even if it is something you don’t have any interest in doing. Be accepting, even if you are not interested and try to find a happy medium. There should be no kink shaming.

Another thing is the issue of watching porn and masturbating. Some people think that this is a form of cheating. If this is an issue, it is important to step back and really understand where your partner is coming from and why they have this thought about porn and masturbation. From there, start to peel the layers to understand but whatever you do, do not feel like it’s your responsibility to change your partner’s mind.

Biography:

Desiree Simone is a blogger and host of the “Break Bottles, Not Hearts” podcast. She’s known as “The Boozy Bestie”, your go-to friend who helps with relationship issues with love and good cocktails. Originally from Georgia, Simone has a dual degree in Public Relations and Rhetoric and worked for Carnival Cruise Lines for over 10 years as a Production Singer. Her take on love, sex and dating is equal parts honest, funny, inappropriate and vulnerable. Never shy to make fun of herself and learn from her mistakes, she enjoys being a safe space for all those who venture in the world of love, hoping they are not alone.

Resources and links:

Podcast: Break Bottles, Not Hearts

Instagram: @iamdsimone

Blog: Desiree-Simone.com

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In the quest to know the various kinds of things that get in the way of sexual desire, sex therapist Paula Leech walks us through two situations that probably have the most profound impact on sex life and interest in being sexual for couples, particularly in women: pregnancy and having a baby. What are the challenges and opportunities, as well as strategies for people who are in either of these stages?

Fertility is getting more and more challenging nowadays because of the life that we live in, so more and more couples are struggling to get pregnant and needing to have intervention. What we know as a natural human process now becomes an intense one, and all the anxiety can just hijack it and make it all so hard. As a result, sex can become something that is very clinical, high stress, high pressure, and obligated. The fun and the casual nature of it can shift. Having to do the process month after month on a somewhat scheduled basis can have a dramatic change in the nature of a couple’s sex life and can really impact their experience and interest in being sexual.  

Barriers to intimacy after giving birth / adding a child to the family

Giving birth or having an addition to your family changes your life, and your sexuality is profoundly impacted by this. Your world just flipped upside down, and the reality is that your body will be in survival mode. It will take different amounts of time to recover. The baby’s needs are so consuming; your spouse’s sexual needs can easily go down the priority list. Physically, changes after birth can also complicate sexuality. Chemically, having sex with the partner can be replaced by bonding with the baby as mothers get the same kind of hormones. So, the biological reality is you can easily lose desire to have sex during this period for the first one or so years.

Reconnecting with partner

During these two phases, challenges around sex and finding connection with your partner are discovered. On top of the insane amount of change happening, you can also find yourself renegotiating the roles in your relationship with your partner, as well as getting to know your partner as a co-parent. This is also the phase where you will be finding yourself, as well. When you can’t find yourself, you are not going to feel good about sharing yourself with another person. Desire is such a complicated recipe. You got to feel tethered to yourself enough and be comfortable in your own skin to be able to show yourself.  

How to maintain a sense of intimate connection, maintain some focus on pleasure and presence

There is no going back to normal after either of these processes. Anxiety is the primary culprit for most sexual dysfunctions. if you are stressed, the body shuts down sexual functioning. Also, this may be the first time that you will be confronting a big change to your sex life, but it definitely won’t be the last thing you are going to adapt to because your sexual life will just undergo natural changes (as you get older, for example). Bear in mind that this is a season. This is a hard, painful, and vulnerable experience for couples to go through, and there is no going around it. It may require talking again about what intimacy means now, how to expand that definition of intimacy and find ways to get connected with your partner. Seek help if needed. Most importantly, give yourself a lot of credit and grace as you are navigating the most profound amount of changes in such a small amount of time.  

Biography:

Paula received her bachelor’s degree in Family and Human Development at Arizona State University and then went on to receive her master’s degree in Family Therapy at the University of Massachusetts, in Boston. Post family therapy licensure, Paula became AASECT (American Association for Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists) certified as a sex therapist and worked with individuals, relationships, and families in private practice in Boston, Massachusetts for ten years. In that time, she received AASECT certification as a Supervisor of Sex Therapy and co-founded a sex therapy agency and training institute where we saw clients in addition to training therapists to become competent, confident sex therapists themselves. Paula continues to regularly present at various training institutes as well as Universities and therapy agencies across New England.

Resources and links:

Website: https://www.paulaleech.com/

Instagram: @paulaleechtherapy

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Keeley Rankin joins me in a conversation to talk about solutions for Premature Ejaculation. She talks about the anxiety attached to this problem, various approaches and why they don’t work, and her five-model approach to help with early ejaculation.  

What Qualifies as Premature Ejaculation
Keeley’s work as a sex coach is oriented around connecting and communicating with one’s body and focusing on making the experience pleasurable. She defines the experience of early ejaculation as ‘an anxious feeling of how long one is going to last during the act’. While for many it’s a matter of normalizing and educating on what’s expected. For others, it’s an ‘anxiety response to arousal’. She categorizes each case as either severe, moderate or mild.  

Where Does Anxiety Start?
Keeley believes this anxiety could either be traced back to someone’s early sexual experiences or could cultivate in the later part of life. She notes that many of her clients are unaware of the anxiety they’re experiencing in everyday life and warns people not to take random advice.

Thoughts on Conventional Treatments
She refutes some conventional approaches to early ejaculation, such as thinking about something not sexy during sex, strengthening one’s kegel muscles, using SSRIs, and numbing sprays. She presses the importance of being present and connected with your body’s sensations during sex rather than numbing them.  

Five-Model Approach
Keeley talks about her five-model approach to help people with early ejaculation. She takes us through the five steps of breath, anal breath, arousal and anxiety curve, and spreading erotic energy through the whole body. The approach focuses on being able to slow down, relax the sphincter and pelvic floor area, breathe down your body and master the ability to hold the higher arousal state without anxiety.  

Tune into the episode to learn about each step in the five-model approach!

Pleasure Work as Individuals and for Couples  
People work on this individually to understand the theoretical process and lay a foundation through self-pleasure until one can become capable of enjoying sex without the anxiety. They can then increase the stimulation through movement, noise or by adding new things, and then lastly bringing in a partner. She adds that a partner could be included to do bodywork.  

How Can a Person Bring it Up with Their Partner?

Keeley advises partners to communicate around pleasure without pressuring the other person or consulting a professional to help when communication gets difficult.  

Biography:

Keeley Rankin is a sex and relationship coach, pleasure advocate and a sexy-preneur. She works with individuals and couples who want to embrace their innate desires, build sexual confidence, and fully realize their sexual potential.

Keeley received her master’s degree in Counseling Psychology and has been featured in media outlets such as The Huffington Post and Oprah Magazine. She’s trained in Hakomi Therapy and Recreation of the Self, both body-based mindful therapeutic modalities for uncovering and healing subconscious and childhood wounds. For seven years, she worked closely with the world-renowned author and transpersonal psychotherapist who coined the phrase ‘spiritual bypass’, John Welwood.  

As an expert in male sexual struggles, she created the Premature Ejaculation Mastery Video Course for men to learn to last longer in bed from the privacy of their own homes.  

She also specializes in facilitating deep erotic connections for couples. Pre-Covid, she would meet couples in Paris for the unique-extreme-sexy-connected date night – private sessions aimed to prep the couple for an evening at a sex club.  

Resources and links:

Website: keeleyrankin.com  

Course: https://www.keeleyrankin.com/premature_ejaculation_video_course_sale

Instagram: @Just.The.Tip.Sex.Coach

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

This episode talks about hormones and how it affects sexual function and overall health of women in particular. Dr. Matt Chalmers explains two primary hormones in women, testosterone and estrogen, and what we can do to keep their levels in check and keep your sex drive up.

Testosterone and estrogen
Dr. Chalmers said the problem he ran into is people think that women should focus on their nestrogen levels, which is not really the case. For sexual conversation purposes and if you are experiencing hot flashes, night sweats, vaginal dryness, headache and/or joint pains, we need to look at the estrogen level. Otherwise, we look at your testosterone level, because as we start raising that, the body will convert testosterone into estrogen, balancing the two hormones.

What is the function of testosterone in women?
For health purposes, testosterone helps regenerate muscles (your heart is a muscle, your blood vessels all have muscles in them, so this aspect is important). But for sexual functions, testosterone in men can make a lot of things better from a physiological standpoint such as erection. What people fail to remember is that the clitoris is the same tissue embryonically, so you can also get more nerve functions and more blood flow into the clitoris if you give women the right amount of testosterone. A stronger orgasm, for example, is often noticed with higher levels of testosterone.

Are there any lifestyle changes that are going to affect testosterone levels?
Stress plays a big part, so your stress level will be evaluated first. We bring nutrients level back to where they’re supposed to be, and then we work on your mind so you can learn how to deal with your stress. That can naturally bring testosterone levels up. However, there is a point in time where your stress, your genetics and everything plays a big role where if we cannot bring it up after that, then we go to the injections, and that will get us where we need to be.

Are there risks/potential side effects for women using testosterone supplementation?
Clotting is a safety factor to look at. With higher testosterone, blood gets thicker, so you need regular blood tests. Typical side effect in men is hair loss. With women, some experience acne, darkening of hair, and a good chance that you will gain weight. It ramps up your metabolism so you’ll lose fat but gain muscle, so you may look skinnier but not lose weight on the scale. In that aspect, it will not help with weight loss but will work on fat loss.

Hormone therapy
Hormone therapy is recommended to be done for the rest of your lives for its physiological benefits – osteoporosis, heart functions, sexual functions. If we can find a way to take the stress away and bring testosterone levels naturally back up to 100, that is better than medical intervention. But in this time that we live in, there are lots of factors that affect our hormone levels – bad nutrition, bad sleep, high stress and environmental toxins. With hormone therapy intervention, we are increasing the quality of life by changing the physiology a little bit so we can have all the functions that we want to have. Dr. Chalmers underscored, however, that we still need to look hard at the stress level because even with even with high-level testosterone, high sex drive may not be possible. It could be that you fix how your days are structured first before we change the chemistry in your body.

Biography:

Dr. Matt Chalmers is a health and wellness expert, author and speaker who specialises in the areas of long-term wellness, nutrition, women’s health, weight loss, athlete wellness and holistic healing.

With a client list that includes professional athletes, business executives, politicians and celebrities, Dr. Chalmers takes a holistic-based approach with patients to identify and treat the source of their issues. Medical doctors regularly refer patients to Dr. Chalmers when traditional medications and treatments are not working with their patients.

Dr. Chalmers works with patients to identify, treat and manage a wide variety of issues, including weight loss/gain, digestive problems, chronic fatigue, pain, injuries, celiac disease, chiropractic problems, fibromyalgia, carpal tunnel syndrome and plantar fasciitis. He also provides patients with hormone therapy guidance and treatment.

Dr. Chalmers is the author of the bestselling book “Pillars of Wellness,” which helps readers cut through the information overload about wellness, exercise and diet to figure out the actions they can take that will have the greatest impact. The book details how to fuel the body physically, mentally and spiritually.

“How the Chiropractor Saved My Life” by Deborah Bain, M.D. is about her personal journey as a patient through a broken medical system. It details the problems caused by traditional medications and treatments and prominently features Dr. Chalmers as one of the doctors who helped her finally overcome severe health issues and end years of pain and suffering.

Dr. Chalmers received his degree of Doctor of Chiropractic from Parker Chiropractic College in Dallas. He has a Bachelor of Science in Health and Wellness, is a Certified Clinical Chiropractic Neurologist, a Certified Chiropractic Sports Practitioner and has additional certifications in spinal decompression and quantum reflex analysis. He currently lives in Dallas with his wife.

Website: https://chalmerswellness.com/

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Do you know the real secret to having an amazing sex life? After years of research and talking to thousands of respondents, Dr. Tara might have unlocked the answer to that big question. Learn what you can do to start having better sex with your partner and how to get that satisfaction that we need in our sex lives.

What is sexual satisfaction?
Sexual satisfaction is a subjective measure of how you feel about your sex life. There could be a lot of factors affecting this, but generally, it’s not merely counting how many times you are having sex with your partner to say that you have a healthy sexual relationship, but it’s about a subjective evaluation of your life. Do you feel good about your sex life? Are you having great sex with your partner? Do you find your intimate encounters pleasurable?

How to achieve that high sexual satisfaction
Results from Dr. Tara’s study showed that sexual communication is the strongest variable – inside or outside sex – in predicting sexual satisfaction in couples in the long run. Sexual communication can mean easily having sex talk with your partner. It also covers communication during sex and how much you are able to express yourself verbally and non-verbally. Other strong indicators are sexual confidence and sexual self-esteem. Simply put, this is about feeling confident about yourself during sex as well as having a positive feeling about your body and sexuality. It is important to know, though, that before achieving all of these, you must first practice sexual mindfulness – being mindful during the act of sex, being extremely present and consumed by the moment.

Sexual communication in and out of sex
Becoming aware that you want to improve your sex life is critical because sexual communication is not something that you can force on people. No matter how you emphasize the importance of sexual communication, deciding to want to have better sex is a personal choice at the end of the day. Dr. Tara suggests doing regular sex talks or “sexy check-ins” where you and your partner can genuinely express any concerns about your sex life, if any. Sexual communication can be vulnerable so approaching it in a positive way is also important.

During sex, you can verbally express your pleasure or perhaps verbally adore your partner. If you’re not the talking type, you can also do so many things non-verbally to relay your message to your partner and maintain that positive sexual communication.

Still having sexual problems?

People usually avoid sex talks because they’re afraid to hear bad news or hear criticisms or despair and they wouldn’t know what to do. If it’s obvious that you are having sexual problems in a long-term relationship, do not hesitate to seek help from professional sex/relationship therapists. A lot of times sex issues are not just about sex so it’s easier to have a third professional person to know what the problem really is. While you’re at it, be mindful of your own body as a sexual being, work on yourself and be with yourself first.

Biography:

Dr. Tara is a tenured professor of relational and sexual communication at California State University Fullerton, an award-winning researcher, a relationship coach at luvbites.co, and a podcast host at Luvbites by Dr. Tara podcast. She recently gave a TEDx Talk titled Become Sexually Powerful that highlights her 5,000-participant study examining variables that predict sexual satisfaction, and her journey from a sexually anxious girl from Thailand to a sexually confident woman.

Headshot: Attached

Links:

My website

https://www.luvbites.co/

TEDx talk

https://www.ted.com/talks/become_sexually_powerful

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Elizabeth Dall talks about “body freedom,” the antidote to body shame and self-consciousness that many of us, if not all, experience at some point in our life. Body image issues affect mostly women and are often a great barrier to be interested in sex in an otherwise healthy relationship. In this episode, learn how to accept your body the way it is and take that first step to your own “body freedom.”

What is body freedom?
Freedom is the ability to experience something how you want to experience it. It does not mean being immune to having difficult days with our bodies, but it does mean being able to make the choice to step into freedom. It all boils down to having a choice: you can choose to stay stuck or frustrated in a negative body image or choose to step into the body image that you want to create for yourself.

Acceptance before change

One way to start a change on our body is actually by learning to accept the body that we have so we can work with it. It is about learning how to work with your body to create the change so that it’s sustainable. Allow yourself first the freedom to the change that you want and step into that identity before you even begin the change.

What does “working with your body” mean?
Whenever we want to change something in our body, we tend to detach from that body and we seemingly wanting to be another person with that change. When you work with your body, you see and acknowledge where your body is as well as where you want it to go, and the only way to be able to get there is if I learn how to work with it. To do that, we learn how to sustain habits that we enjoy so that we can keep going.

You are capable of creating change

We have been told by media, influencers and other “outside voices” that this is the way you’re supposed to look, this is what you’re supposed to exercise, or this is the way you’re supposed to eat. But it is a losing battle if we follow what they want us to do because if you don’t see results then you will just be frustrated. Know that you are capable of creating change within yourself. You are capable of choosing movements that you enjoy, dealing with your emotions, and knowing when to eat or stop eating. Your body speaks to you but there’s so much noise outside telling you things that are not really suitable for you.

What do you say to people who don’t love their body to the point that it’s affecting relationships?
Step into the idea of body freedom. It is a safe space to see your body for the good that it is. When you start to show up in this way, you give yourself unapologetic permission to show up as you are so you can then show up in that relationship. You may also want to start a gratitude practice and be thankful for what your body does for you every day. Then find a body freedom practice – an action you take that will help you step into this idea of feeling body acceptance, freedom, and love.

Biography:

Elizabeth Dall, M.S., CEP, is the owner of awomanofwellness.com and helps women heal their relationship with food and their bodies and experience joy in wellness. Elizabeth believes every woman has the knowledge of what she truly needs deep within herself and that they can learn to love their bodies, heal their relationship with food, and find joy in exercise and movement. She helps by offering online programs and personalized coaching to women searching for food freedom and a desire to live a happy, healthy lifestyle without limitations.

SHOW NOTES LINKS:

Elizabeth’s two free guides to help you overcome emotional eating and ditch the diets without ditching your goals:

Overcome emotional eating free mini course: https://a-woman-of-wellness.ck.page/overcome-emotional-eating

Intro to intuitive eating guide: https://awomanofwellness.com/nomorediets

If you’re interested in healing your relationship with your body and food for good and experience a lifetime of freedom from dieting, emotional eating, body shame, and never hitting your goals, join the waitlist for Elizabeth’s signature Food Freedom program experience” http://awomanofwellness.com/foodfreedom

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

This is not your soul mate
How we were raised as kids, how consistent our parents (or caretakers) were, and how safe and loved we felt when we were young can shape our attachment style during our adulthood. Tracey Crossley walks us through secure and insecure attachments in relationships and how our upbringing plays out in our intimate relationships as adults.

Insecure and secure attachments
Our relationship with our caretakers from the time we are born greatly affects our having either a secure or insecure attachment with other people in our adulthood. Secure attachment starts when the child trusts the caretakers and feels an emotional bond with them. They don’t worry that if you leave the room you’re not coming back. On the other hand, if there is insecure attachment, the child can have different reactions and could become avoidant. These experiences as kids, we bring with us to adulthood.

How does insecure attachment show up?
It shows up in a variety of ways, but many people don’t realize where it’s coming from. Naturally, deep down, all of us want to be securely attached and feel loved. But our conditioning says something different, so we seek what we know. We repeat the same sort of familiar feeling and situation that we had as a child. It affects how we feel and how we act. This sometimes led to confusion and even attracting dysfunctional relationships. Even though we want something different, part of us wants the familiar, which doesn’t serve us so well.

Do we have a soulmate?
People would be looking for a unicorn when they look for their soulmate. People who are securely attached do not say they found their soulmate. They usually are just happy that being with their partner feels good and there is no need to give it a label. When you do not have that sense of security, that’s when you tend to come up with labels as though it’s some sort of magical thing that’s going to happen. The idea of happiness and satisfaction about finding your soulmate is a moment in time and not related to reality. It’s just about the fantasy you have about what the other person is bringing to you and how it will make you feel.

How do insecurely attached people respond to sex vs securely attached people?
Insecurely attached people usually perform acrobatics in the bedroom. They’re all about how great they are at sex and that’s like their secret weapon. They’re going to hook you through sex and do whatever it takes to hold on to you, so you don’t go away. Very strong feelings of desperation are usually involved in insecurely attached people. Meanwhile, securely attached relationships are not so much about just sex but how you are creating intimacy. Sex is a part of the relationship, but it is not the whole relationship, and the intimacy comes from emotions rather than the physicality.  

Anxiety in relationships
Tracey Crossley paints a picture of anxious-avoidant, anxious and avoidant people and how they react whenever they are in a relationship, or lack thereof. She stresses that one big thing missing in a healthy relationship is anxiety. Instead, there should always be progression. Moreover, do not dwell in a fantasy land looking for that perfect partner. Always do a reality check, be in the moment and deal with all the disappointments it could bring rather than living in fantasy and prolonging your agony.

Biography

Tracy Crossley is a behavioral relationship expert, author, and podcast host, who specializes in treating individuals with unhealthy life and relationship patterns. Tracy helps clients transform, impostor syndrome, insecure attachment, negative belief systems, breaking the cycle of narcissistic damage, destructive self-talk, and more. With a background in psychology, an innate emotional intuition, which draws from her own personal experience, Tracy shows her clients how to permanently change the repetition of the unhealthy, unhappy and unfulfilled cycles personally and professionally. Tracy’s popular weekly mental health podcast, Freedom from Attachment: Living Fulfilled, Happy and in Love offers listeners a different perspective when it comes to breaking the cycle of unhealthy behaviors that keep them stuck repeating pain-inducing actions on auto-pilot. The podcast addresses folks who want to deal with their emotional baggage and get unstuck, happy, and have a clear mindset. She also has a monthly podcast called Moving On, where she invites guests to speak about their life experience in overcoming difficult times to be successful and happy in their lives.  

Resources and links:

Website: https://tracycrossley.com/

Instagram: instagram.com/tracylcrossley/?hl=en

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

A Journey Through Miscarriage

This episode talks about a very sensitive topic – miscarriage. Losing a baby is heartbreaking, no matter when it happens, and Jessica bravely shares her experience when she and her husband lost their baby. She reveals how she healed – physically, mentally, and emotionally – what moms who suffered the same should know about their options when going through this, and how the experience impacted her relationship with her husband.

Women have options

When you suffer a miscarriage, you would be going through a traumatic loss, but life goes on. You should try and take care of yourself by sticking to a regular sleep schedule, eating well, and maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Jessica also underscores the fact that women should know the options that each person can take to navigate the process in a way that’s best for them and to honor that process of grieving that needs to happen.

The journey after a miscarriage

Pregnancy loss is only the beginning. What your mind and body will have to go through are completely different journeys unique to every mother. Jessica’s body did not know that it stopped the development of the baby for a couple weeks already until they went for what’s supposed to be just routine checkup. Jessica shares what they did to help her body resolve the miscarriage and start the process of healing.

Impact of the experience on intimacy?

Jessica shares that the bitter and painful experience brought her and her husband so much closer. There was bickering as they were both grieving but she said they just kept coming back and remembering that they are on each other’s team and were in it together. They took a few days off apart from each other and the space allowed them to reflect and integrate the process.  

Time to heal and grieve

Time is often the best healer. After a pregnancy loss, the body needs time to get back to normal and so does your mind and emotional health. Allow yourself to go through the grieving process and spend time to stop and acknowledge the loss. Jessica bravely shared her journey because as she felt the surge of grief from other people, she also felt that these very same people might have losses of their own that are left ungrieved.

You are not alone

Amidst the feeling of guilt, anger, shock, sadness and sense of failure, Jessica emphasizes that no one should feel alone during the process. As Jessica put it, we can ask for help and we can be out loud about what we are quietly shouldering in this journey. We should talk more about the whole fertility process – not just in trying to conceive but also about being parents. We should try to bring discussions about this to the foreground rather than in the background, so we don’t have to do it alone.

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/218-personal-story-a-journey-through-miscarriage-jessica

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

“Conflict Coach” Rich Heller enlightens us on resentment, anger, and other negativities that couples can get into that can get in the way of their sex life. If you or your partner is buried in resentment, this episode will help you get on the same team again and work on your sex life.  

How do people get buried in years of negative feelings?

In the beginning of a relationship, there is often a honeymoon stage where everything seems perfect, and you are deeply in love with each other. At some point, this stage ends. Not that you stop loving each other, but reality hits and suddenly you are not the center of each other’s universe. It becomes clear you are not with the fantasy partner you may have imagined. All the little unresolved resentments and feelings about different expectations can build over time, creating a structure of resentment and even hostility. It’s also possible one partner is doing harmful stuff to the other that just can’t be overlooked.  

When anger gets in the way of intimacy

Firstly, check if there is something in your past that was triggered that made you angry. Writing it in a journal helps so you can eventually share it with your partner. Since anger is most likely a mechanism to feel powerful when one cannot express their more vulnerable, underlying emotions, it is crucial for partners on the other end of angry expressions to understand what emotions and factors are driving the anger. Expressing differences freely is important to a more positive outcome.  

What about make up sex?

Some couples say they have sex when mad because it is a way of reconnecting and resolving their issues. Very often, sex is a way to release anger. But the more this dynamic builds up and the more the fighting becomes regular, then the angry sex is going to stop too. Yes, sex can be a release or a form of connecting, but over time, if what’s behind it isn’t dealt with, even that’s going to drop out.  

Forgiveness and moving on

How do you forgive and forget about the past? We need to see our partners wrestle with remorse and accountability in order to move forward. That’s where healing would come from. You need to know why they did what they did and what to look out for in the future so you can both talk about it as it’s coming up – before it happens again. You need to understand the why to figure out how to heal and grow and make the relationship better.

Biography:

Rich Heller MSW, CPC, ELI MP

Rich is a “Conflict Coach” who works with people engaged in high levels of conflict so that they can create cooperation out of conflict. He works with individuals and couples, focusing on how they can have a relationship that works with minimum friction and maximum support for their children. Additionally Rich helps organizations and businesses transform destructive conflict into a vehicle for change and innovation.

He went to Vassar College for his BA, Hunter School of Social Work for his MA, trained in mediation with the Centre for Understanding in Conflict, and trained in Parent Coordination through the AFCC. He is a Certified Professional Coach, and an ELI Master Practitioner.

No stranger to conflict, Rich Heller grew up in NYC, is a child of divorce, has been divorced, and successfully remarried. He and his partner Katherine have been married for over 20 years and launched six children into the world.

Resources and links:

Website: https://richinrelationship.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/richinrelationship/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/richinrelationship/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCVj35RVXHgu-4irxB0_5ukQ
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/company/rich-in-relationship/
Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/richinrelationship/_created/

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/217-overcoming-anger-and-resentment-rich-heller

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Co-Creating a Sex Life Over Time

What does it really take to make a sex life last? How do archetypes about sex, expectations, and love capacities all come together to be a starting point for you and your partner to have conversations and do things differently to co-create a lasting relationship and sex life? Psychotherapist Dr Chelsea Wakefield explains how to co-create a sex life that you can be excited about for the rest of your life, and how you can build soulful relationships that endure challenges and changes.

Sexuality and long-term relationships

Couples in long-term relationships commonly struggle with sexuality at some point and begin to have questions about what can be done to help the relationship move forward to maintain a meaningful connection during the arc of the relationship. What are the elements that can make a relationship and sex life thrive over time?

Prioritize personal development

Sexuality should be a priority for couples. Some questions that may be asked before committing to co-creating a sex life: Why would you want to engage in co-creating a sexual relationship? What would it bring in your life? Co-creating a sexual relationship encompasses so many dimensions of relationship including knowing one’s self and defining one’s self as a sexual being. It takes a lot of personal development in each of the parties, otherwise it will not thrive. You don’t change your partner but rather, both need to work on themselves in order to co-create a dynamic sex life.

Communication is key



Sex is far from being a natural process. Communication is key to making it last. And communication is not just about talking and saying what you want but knowing who in you is talking and being able to do the necessary shifts. How do I get in touch with my sensual self? How do I access my playful self? How do I shift out of “responsible mother self” to “responsible lover” or “playmate”? How can I and my partner get there together?

Labyrinth of Love  

In her latest book Labyrinth of Love, Dr Wakefield talks about love capacities that can be applied to any aspect of a relationship, including sexuality. Learn about commitment, courage, curiosity, communication, compassion, and creativity and how these affect the success of a relationship.

Teamwork

Self-awareness is crucial in making a relationship thrive. But at the end of the day, it’s teamwork that will make it happen. Once you discover your own history, anxieties, trauma, etc., you share that with your partner and work together as a sexual team and make it a journey of mutual growth. When couples are distressed about the limits of what they’ve tried and feel stuck, know that these roadblocks may not just simply go away but can be transcended by personal growth. Make co-creation of your sexual relationship worth it and something that both of you want to engage in. Step out of the box and encounter each other anew to open the possibility that the other person can engage in the process.

Biography:

Dr. Chelsea Wakefield is Director of the Couples Centre for University of Arkansas for Medical Sciences. She is a psychotherapist, educator, conference facilitator, public speaker, and author. Dr. Wakefield has written 3 books:

– Labyrinth of Love
– Negotiating the Inner Peace Treaty
– In Search of Aphrodite: Women, Archetypes and Sex Therapy

She is also creator/facilitator of the Luminous Women Weekend

Dr. Wakefield believes:

The time we invest in healing wounds of the past, rewriting limiting life scripts, and becoming more consciously aware helps us to make more responsible, respectful choices in life. It determines the quality of our relationships. Our level of consciousness and presence benefits everyone around us, life partners, friends, co-workers, community and ultimately our world.

Resources and links:

Website: http://chelseawakefield.org/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ChelseaWakefieldPhD
Twitter: @LuminousWoman
More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/216-co-creating-a-sex-life-over-time-chelsea-wakefield

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

The World of Sex Toys

Sex educator, Searah Deysach, takes us to the fun and playful world of sex toys. Founder and owner of Early to Bed, Chicago’s first woman-owned sex shop that sells high-quality sex toys, Searah shares her expertise on the different kinds of sex toys and why people use them. For people in a relationship, learn how to talk to your partner about it, how to use it as a couple and how to introduce it to your sexual play. Haven’t tried using a sex toy? Have a listen to know how it could be beneficial and fun!

Why do sex toys exist and why do people seek them out?

On the most basic level, sex items exist to enhance people’s sex lives. To some people, they may have more therapeutic uses, or tools to solve a certain problem. But for a lot of people, sex toys are used to make sex more fun. Interestingly, the word sex toy has gotten a bad rap all of a sudden, so instead, for marketing purposes, people are calling it a “wellness item” instead of a vibrator. Calling them a different name does not really change anything, but if calling it a wellness item gets it into someone’s hand, then it’s great. The more people see it as part of a healthy sex life, the better it is for everybody.

What is a good entry point for people who want to own their first sex toy?

There is still a lot of stigma surrounding these products, but there are a lot of sex toys that are discreet that you can easily take with you. Vibrators are always a good entry point. They are versatile and do not interrupt a person’s sex life. Getting the first toy can be intimidating, so whether you plan to buy in store or online, do not hesitate to ask questions. Making an informed choice before you start gives you the best chance of making the toy work for you.

When in a relationship, how do you bring it up to your partner?

Talking about sex is one of the hardest conversations people have, but it can also be one of the most vital to having good sex. If you want to bring a sex toy in a relationship, do not frame it as a problem solver. If you want more sensation or more orgasm, make it sound more fun as opposed to not having good enough sex with your partner. Finding toys geared towards couples can also be helpful. As with almost anything, communication is key.

Do men find sex toys emasculating?

Men are burdened with the thought that they’re supposed to give their partners pleasure and that using a sex toy is somehow emasculating. It is not emasculating to get help from toys. What’s worse and actually a disservice to partners is having to fake orgasms just to make the partner feel good about themselves. In the end, we are all responsible for our own pleasure, and we enlist our partner with that. Using toys to elevate the experience and make us all happy should be fully embraced.

Biography:

Searah Deysach is a sex educator and the owner of Early to Bed and FtM Essentials. In addition to running her retail store and websites, she lectures to community groups and colleges around the country on topics relating to masturbation, sex toys and positive sexuality. She is committed to working to create a culture where everyone has access to honest information about sexuality and all folks have access to the services they need to protect their reproductive rights.

Searah is a proud member of Chicago’s LGBTQ+ community and has been featured in numerous outlets including New York Magazine, Cosmopolitan, Washington Post, Shape, Women’s Health, Playgirl, Glamour and many, many more.

Resources and links:

Website: https://www.early2bed.com/
Instagram: @early2bed

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass


Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/215-the-wonderful-world-of-sex-toys-searah-deysach

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Edward Willey talks about his seemingly two separate interests and pursuits – rope play and self-leadership – and his ingenious idea of combining them together to develop and practice. How do rope play and self-leadership intersect?

How it started

Prompted by his partner’s brilliant idea, Edward Willey started to introduce some movements and meditation practices he used in self-leadership training into his rope play sessions. He quickly realized that people started to learn rope tying techniques but, more importantly, the connection between partners greatly increased. Since then, each session became more about how to stay deeply connected to the partner and less about the technical side of learning how to do each fancy knot.

“The knot that binds together”

In rope plays, there are two Japanese terms often used: “Shibari,” which means to tie; and “Kinbaku,” which means “to bind tightly.” But more importantly, the word “Misubi,” which means “the knot that binds together” or the thread that ties all of creations together. The true focus of rope play is on the connection that happens between you and your partner, allowing true intimacy and connection to develop. Before getting caught up with the techniques of rope tying, create a foundation of relaxation and confidence with your partner. Make the experience between you and the partner as opposed to you and the rope.

How does exploring rope play and leadership make you a better leader and lover?

Being able to stay present and relaxed and confident can make your partner feel a lot safer in the bedroom, and it can develop intimacy and more trust between the two of you. If they feel safer, more respected, and more heard, they are more likely to follow the guidance you’re bringing. The same thing applies to leadership. If you can approach your leadership with a relaxed body that’s strong, vibrant, and healthy, with an open heart that’s full of love and connection, people will naturally follow you. The rope is just a tool to develop deep connection and intimacy in order to create a container of safety for your partner.

Is self-leadership different when you’re the one being bound?

The person trying has more responsibility to take care of the safety of the other, but the person being tied up also has responsibility to be able to speak up if something doesn’t feel right or have questions or concerns. It’s a co-creation and it’s important to speak up. To be able to relax your body is also very important because being tied up can bring up fear and vulnerability. Keeping the mind calm for when it starts to spin up and feel panicky is the same training you give in self-leadership.

Resources and links:

Websites: https://www.knot-love.com/
https://www.willeyleadership.com/

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/214-self-leadership-and-erotic-rope-play-edward-willey

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Many parents find normal sex behavior and development confusing. Parents often wonder if their child’s sexual behavior is normal. Certified sex therapist Dr. Tina Sellers talks about parenting and sexual health and give parents a better understanding of “what to expect and when” in terms of their child’s sexual development.

Resources for Shameless parenting
In her newest book, Dr. Tina’s goal is to help parents or caregivers foster healthy sexual choices and attitudes in their children. She believes comprehensive sex education is the best way to protect children when they get involved with sex later, to make safe sexual choices, to lower teen pregnancy rate, to lower STI rates, etc. The book was made to be a handout that doctors, teachers, parents, therapists, and other educators could easily use and refer to when dealing with sexual developments in young children.

Moreover, since shame is one of the things that could get in the way for parents to become the best sex educator that they wanted to be, Dr. Tina also emphasizes ways to soothe the self and heal from that, along with streamlined resources and websites that could effectively help overcome that shame.

Sexual Development in children
It is critical for parents and caregivers to get a greater understanding around sexual development and behaviors in children. Dr. Tina’s book was developed in hopes of creating a better understanding of these developments. It can be difficult to recognize that, like adults, children are sexual beings. Children will be curious about sex, sexuality, and the human body. The book can serve as cheat sheets for parents to get some general information on common and uncommon behaviors based on age groups. Parents can also find suggestions for conversations that parents can have with their children to help encourage healthy sexual development.

Normalizing sexual behaviors
Healing comes from knowing that there are sexual behaviors that are normal in children and that shame was never an appropriate feeling. Kids will do what kids will do from harmless curiosity. The evolving sexuality that we have is always beautiful and creative, and the fact that the society that we live in has just never gotten it right is tragic. Wrong notions and misinformation can crush a child’s developing sexuality and can get traumatized with profound effects.

Managing reactivity for parents
It is important to ask your kids questions and listen very carefully to what they have to say about what’s going on in their world. It can be scary for parents to get sort of a bird’s eye view of what the world is like for their kids but not knowing will not be helpful either. Parents need to learn to manage reactivity within themselves.

Joining a parents’ group where you can start talking to each other about what it is like for you or just having a place to talk through your own reactivity and your own fear can be helpful. Know that your kids need your calm presence and just knowing that you got their back no matter what. Parents need to be conscious of their reactions because kids could easily pick it up as shaming or judging.

Biography:

Tina Schermer Sellers, PhD has had a distinguished career as a marriage and family therapist, medical family therapist, and certified sex therapist. She is also a professor, researcher, author, and speaker. She has won numerous awards and been featured on radio, TV, and podcasts. As the founder and Medical Director of the Northwest Institute on Intimacy, and the community group ThankGodForSex.org she speaks to audiences across the country about the difference sexual health and sexual health training can make for the individual and professional.

Her award-winning book, Sex, God, and the Conservative Church – Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy reveals the devastation caused by sexual shame in the wake of the purity and abstinence-only movements and reveals the path to healing for both clinician and client. When not speaking and writing, you will find Tina delighting in her year-old granddaughter!

Resources and links:

www.tinaschermersellers.com
www.instituteonintimacy.com
www.4-DNetwork.com
www.ThankGodForSex.org
www.SheIsCalled.com
Instagram: @drtinashameless

Affiliate links to books:

Sex, God, and the Conservative Church – Erasing Shame from Sexual Intimacy – https://amzn.to/2H2vTVV
From Diapers to Dating: A Parent’s Guide to Raising Sexually Healthy Children – From Infancy to Middle School – https://amzn.to/2Ew4oCi

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/213-shameless-parenting-dr-tina-schermer-sellers

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Feeling anxious before sex is normal. But how about feeling nervous that you cannot have or enjoy sex for fear that you will be unable to “perform” during sexual activities? Sex therapist David Khalili talks about sexual performance anxiety, predominantly among men, and what can be done to overcome that fear or condition.

“Men don’t ask for help”

David shares from personal experience how men would come in looking for certain toys, prostate massagers, cock rings, lubricants, and the like – shrouded by shame and anxiety. Mostly men are affected by sexual performance anxiety because of society’s expectations of what they should be doing during sex. Because of the men-don’t-ask-for-help narrative, they are afraid to come into sex shops to look for things that could amplify pleasure or to seek intervention from professional sex therapists and admit that they are having trouble in sex.

There’s a whole body to explore, not just the penis

The pressure that men are under usually focuses on the “performance” of their penis – to get hard fast, stay hard for a long time, etc. As David puts it, penises are wonderful, and they’ve got lots of purpose and pleasure. But you are whole as a human and there’s also the rest of your body to play with and that could give you pleasure. The body is a whole map, and we need to learn how to explore that map. There might be lots of nerve endings in the genitalia, but there are lots of nerve endings all over the body. So, relieving that penis-centric pressure on men really opens their repertoire and their definition of intimacy, connection, and pleasure.

How to cope with performance anxiety

The first step to coping with performance anxiety is recognizing and normalizing that the penis, just like any other body part, cannot always perform as expected. Also important is removing any shame you might be feeling about not having an optimal sex life. David also underlines the fact that men who do not hit one or all the criteria/markers associated with “expected sex performance” should not feel like it’s their failure as a man. Men should build that self-compassion and accept that it’s not going to be perfect all the time and that good is enough.

Be creative in getting sexual

The truth is you can be sexual without needing an erection. David explains the circular model of sex versus the linear model that most people know about. With or without penetration, learn how to spice up that sex life and how to potentially help in relieving performance anxiety.

Get help and communicate your anxiety

Sexual performance anxiety is a valid concern but should not be a reason to avoid having sex altogether. Figure out a way to communicate it to a partner or potential partner in a way that it’s normal and that it’s okay to go slow to soften expectations. If you feel safe enough with the other person, it is important to talk about the anxiety and explore it together. It is a normal ebb and flow of human function and getting sex therapy intervention is perfectly normal. Learn more about different treatments or interventions you can use to help with performance anxiety.

Biography:

David F Khalili, LMFT is a sex and relationship therapist licensed in California. He works with individuals, relationships and runs groups for men who experience anxiety around sex and dating. His principal areas of focus are sex and anxiety, kink and open relationships, multiheritage couples, and first-generation American-born individuals. David recently released a workbook called “Sex Worriers: A Mindfully Queer Guide to Men’s Anxiety Around Sex and Dating.”

Links:

https://linktr.ee/worriertherapy

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/212-performance-anxiety-david-khalili

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Alicia Davon

Juicing Up Your Sex Life

A fun topic today. This one’s about juicing up your relationship, enlivening it again. Or if you’re single, preparing for when you are in a relationship. My guest is Alicia Davon. She and her husband have an organization that does training with people around increasing presence, awareness, communication, pleasure, and energy in people’s sex lives.

We talk about what that looks like, how people practice it, and what its first step might be. I think a lot of it really revolves around getting out of autopilot, which we can do when we’re with the same person. We’re busy with stuff and we can just sort of not pay attention and go through the motions. Or we could get really present and have a sense of newness. Even with a partner that we’ve been with for decades.  

What does “Juice” look like over time?  

Generally, Alicia feels that the chemistry and the passion decreases in a relationship by default, and everybody knows that, but not everybody knows what to do about it. Or even knows that something can be done about it outside of just becoming complacent, maybe complaining about it, or splitting up or having affairs.

She thinks that there’s a very natural wanting to have things be fun and turned on with our partners over time. But then the longer it goes without that – when certain forces come in, like longevity, or kids and growing up and more responsibilities – it can get harder and harder to reconnect.

How to go about juicing it back up.

Alicia believes there’s a newness that can be brought into the relationship. When the novelty wears off, it’s just not as exciting. But there’s a lot of inherent chemistry in everybody’s bodies. She has never in her 20 years of working with singles and couples found that somebody’s body was the source of no passion or no chemistry.  

She says it’s often a mindset thing. We get distracted with technology at our fingertips. Or distracted by work and solving problems and managing day-to-day stuff. And also, there are certain skills that are necessary that sort of come easily, or maybe even naturally when we’re first in a relationship.

So, the path, first of all, is presence into the relationship again. Sometimes we find we’ve been on autopilot for months and years and maybe decades. Bringing that presence could look like just simply like bringing awareness to the fact that we the couple would like more excitement in the relationship.

Communication is key

Alicia and her husband Erwan have daily practices that they teach their students. One of them is meditation, which is a great pathway to being in the present and noticing what’s going on. Then there’s what they call psychological inquiry, which is a way of connecting with your partner, sharing what’s going on with you and going on in your heart and going on in your mind.

A full spectrum

Alicia and Erwan have touching practices that range from close non-sexual touching physical connection all the way down the spectrum to sexual touching and technique.  

She mentions the touching skills are important with couples that want to get back connected. Erwan and Alicia have a set of 12 touching practices that introduce skills like going really slowly, and certain communication skills.

There’s much more to this fascinating conversation, including how this concept could be utilized by singles as well. Alicia recommends carving out some time to practice and implement “juicing” into your sex life, it’s well worth it!  

About Alicia Davon

Over the past 25 years, Erwan and Alicia Davon have successfully taught over 12,000 singles and couples how to have exceptional relationships. Erwan and Alicia have become the go-to experts for those seeking a higher level of relationship support. Erwan is the founder, senior teacher and president of San Francisco based Erwan Davon Teachings. Together with Alicia, they specialize in supporting singles in getting into passionate and successful relationships, and helping couples take their relationships to new heights of romance and intimacy. Being based in the Bay Area, Erwan and Alicia provide a high-end boutique service that gives their clients an effective way to enhance their relationships. They also offer all their coaching and classes online and support students all over the world.

Resources and links:

Free Love Life Consultation:  

Text 415 308 9580
Web – https://erwandavon.com/consult/
Website: http://www.pleasurecourse.com

More info:

The Desire Spa – https://thedesirespa.com

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/211-juicing-up-your-sex-life-alicia-davon

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Colonization and Its Impact on Modern Sexuality
We tend to think of colonization as something that happened and is over and is done, without realizing that it set up processes and expectations, beliefs, and systems of thought that we are still living with in this current day. This has created historical trauma that remains today.

There is a legacy of shame and of limitations that came with settlers in North America. Anne Mauro has been studying this, and we talk about this whole concept of the sexuality that the settlers brought in and what this has come to mean for all of us. We discuss the ways in which it could be manifesting and limiting us, and how it is certainly impacting how people of color, women of color are treated still in this culture.

What is settler sexuality?
We know that when the settlers arrived in North America, some were coming for a better life and to avoid persecution for their own religious beliefs. And when they arrived, they had their own ideas of what sexuality was, and a lot of that was a belief that it was solely for procreation.  

But with indigenous people, they saw two spirit people, or a matrilineal model, instead of a patriarchal model. They saw homosexuality, and they saw indigenous people engaging in sexual play outside of marriage. They were completely appalled by this. Their idea of sexuality was no sex before marriage, you are property of your father until you’re married, and then you are property of your husband.

“We don’t want you masturbating, or talking about menstruation, that is bad. You’re not supposed to be nude. You’re not supposed to have inordinate affection, or too much desire or affection.”

Also, women are supposed to dress a certain way. They’re supposed to be homemakers and don’t work outside of the house. You’re supposed to stay a virgin, not just for the religious reasons, but there was economic value in virginity if you were seen as pure.

The shame came across with the settlers
If you didn’t fall within the settler sexuality model, you could be publicly shamed, whipped, or tortured. People were burned for masturbation and for homosexuality. They were shamed for anything that was falling outside of this model. If you got caught, you could get in trouble. When the settlers came, they brought with them their own historical sexual trauma.

Still impacting today

Anne believes that with the sexual script that’s inherited in American sexuality, there is a maltreatment especially of women of color, but of people of color in general. This legacy of the settler sexuality construct has dramatic impacts today, leaving people feeling like there is something wrong with themselves if they don’t fit into it, and very few people do.

Biography:

Anne Mauro is a Licensed Couples and Family therapist, AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, and AASECT Certified Sexuality Educator. She has earned her M.A from Antioch University Seattle (AUS) and a Doctorate of Human Sexuality from the Institute for the Advanced Study of Human Sexuality. Her private practice, Mending Connections, in Tacoma, Washington, specializes in couples counseling and sex therapy. Anne serves as adjunct faculty at AUS, where she created and taught a course titled Colonization and Sex for the Sexuality Certificate Program.  

Additionally, Anne works in the Couples and Family Therapy program providing clinical supervision to graduate student interns. In partnership with a colleague, Anne is an American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists (AASECT) continuing education (CEU) provider. Through this venture, Anne co-created the Beyond Settler Sex Sexually Attitude Reassessment (SAR).  

Her first Routledge publication, More Than Ebony and Ivory: Complexities of sex therapy with interracial couples, can be found in An Intersectional Approach to Sex Therapy: Centering the lives of indigenous, racialized, and people of color. Anne is working on her second publication, The Colonization of Black Sexuality: A clinician’s guide to relearning and healing.  

Anne has served on the AASECT Awards Committee since 2018 and the AASECT Ethics Committee since 2021. Anne is an active WOCSHN member and one of the original members included on the WOCSHN Membership Directory, the first of its kind directory featuring Black, Indigenous, women of color in the sexuality field. In service of the profession, Anne is a member of AASECT Awards Committee and AASECT Ethics Committee.

Resources and links:

Anti-Racist Psychotherapy: https://amzn.to/2YjFKRW
Healing the Soul Wound: https://amzn.to/3A7Va8V
My Grandmother’s Hands: https://amzn.to/2ZNcVxO
Website: https://www.mendingmyconnections.com/
Instagram: @annemauro.cst.cse
More info:

The Desire Spa – https://thedesirespa.com
Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/210-colonization-and-its-impact-on-modern-sexuality-anne-mauro

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Court Vox

Somatic sex educator and sex coach Court Vox helps his clients to find the ‘sweet spot’ in their sex lives, and life in general. The sweet spot is a place that can be uncomfortable, but also exciting. This episode is all about pushing yourself to the limit, and calibrating the body in order to allow itself to reach the next level of experience.

What is calibration?

Calibration is developing an awareness of touch from the lowest point of sensation all the way to your threshold. It’s finding that sweet spot, also called a yellow place, that can get you to the next level of pleasure. In life, it’s always about going a little bit further than you otherwise would as our lives change.

Is there value from being slightly outside of your comfort zone?

Court elaborates how one can benefit from being in a yellow place, whether in sensation or actual pursuit of something that’s not in the body. Being in a place that’s a bit uncomfortable offers a lot of growth for people. If one is calibrating with a partner, then communication is key, because at the end of the day it’s a very personal approach and all of us will have our own unique yellow spot.

Is calibration better with a partner or solo?

One can do both. Doing it with a partner can be valuable not just from a sensation perspective but from a communication perspective too.

Beyond the Circuit Workshop

Court Vox will hold a 3-day workshop in March 2022 with the intention to create new and alternative spaces for queer men. It is about finding a deeper sense of community not centered around drugs and alcohol and dark spaces. Aptly called Beyond the Circuit, it is a space where queer men can be vulnerable and be in a more intimate space.

Biography:

Court Vox provides personal guidance and expertise in the unique and often ignored areas of sex. Vox is a trained Sex and Intimacy Consultant, Surrogate Partner Intern and Sacred Intimate. His approach is personal and necessary. As the founder of his own practice, The Body Vox, he brings professional opportunities to his clients and teaches them to embrace their bodies, as well as the bodies of others. Vox is a sex educator who is experienced in working with clients of all sexualities and genders. He continues to collaborate with fellow sex educator Pamela Madsen for workshops around the country.

Resources and links:

Website: thebodyvox.com

Instagram: @courtvox

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/209-right-outside-your-comfort-zone-court-vox

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Dr. Allyson Shrikhande, a rehabilitation doctor who specializes in pelvic rehabilitation medicine, gives us an in-depth discussion about endometriosis. What is endometriosis, the disorder affecting one out of ten women? How does it show up and what are the treatment options?

What is endometriosis?
Endometriosis is a disorder wherein cells that are similar to the cells lining the inside of the uterus (endometrium) grow outside of the uterus. These cells can settle basically anywhere in the body but most commonly in the pelvic cavity and can cause pain and infertility.  

How common is endometriosis?
Depending on the study, one out of ten, or one out of nine women can have endometriosis. It is as common as breast cancer with a strong genetic predisposition.

What are the symptoms of endometriosis?
The challenge is that it is a silent disease, making it hard to diagnose. The way it presents itself is as a person being infertile and/or having pelvic pain. Pain during intercourse, tampon use and the like as well as GI problems (constipation, abdominal bloating, abdominal pain), and a UTI that will not go away are very common symptoms.

Treatment options for endometriosis
The major challenge in the medical community is that there is no proper diagnostic other than surgery right now. The gold standard for a proper diagnosis is laparoscopic surgery, then some pathology. Because of the complexity and systemic nature of endometriosis, Dr. Shrikhande also takes on a holistic approach to treatment, discussing additional things like nutrition and even medication with patients.

Endometriosis awareness
Dr. Shrikhande underlines the need for more research and studies to help in diagnosing endometriosis in its early stages. Unfortunately, it is a very complex disease with strong genetic disposition making it even harder to prevent. Awareness is key as there is still nothing conclusive as to what is causing endo. It’s important that women are diagnosed in an efficient manner and have access to skilled medical and rehab providers who can help them with proficient treatment.

Biography:

Dr. Allyson Shrikhande, a board-certified Physical Medicine and Rehabilitation specialist, is the Chief Medical Officer of Pelvic Rehabilitation Medicine. She is also the Chair of the Medical Education Committee for the International Pelvic Pain Society. She is working with other experts in the field of chronic pelvic pain to develop training modules for residents and physicians interested in learning about the diagnosis, treatment, and management of chronic pelvic pain. A leading expert on pelvic health and a respected researcher, author and lecturer, Dr. Shrikhande is a recognized authority on male and female pelvic pain diagnosis and treatment.



Resources and links:

Website: pelvicrehabilitation.com

Instagram: @pelvicrehabilitation, @doctor.allyson

Twitter: @PelvicRehab

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Get daily conversation starters texted to your phone: Text “topics” to https://my.community.com/jessaatintimacywithease

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/208-endometriosis-dr-allyson-shrikhande

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Hookup without Heartbreak
Intimacy and relationship coach Lia Holmgren’s new book, Hookup Without Heartbreak, teaches women to let go of negative feelings after casual hook ups/sex, as well as how to reclaim one’s sexual freedom. Learn the do’s and don’ts of casual sex, the history and science behind hooking up, and learn all you need to know before going on that next date.  

Casual sex: How do people deal with it?
The main focus of this book is double standards – how casual sex can be widely accepted for men but seen as inappropriate for women. Hormones and neurobiology play a big part as to why women tend to feel more attached after having casual sex than men do. Lia also looks into the role of religion, education, and upbringing to explain why women feel a certain way and why women have so much shame and fear around casual sex.

The do’s and don’ts in casual sex
Lia’s book has 24 tips for women who have caught feelings and then had their hearts broken after casual hookups. These include ways to get over the person, how to deal with hookups who ghost afterwards, how to be safe on dates and how to not feel shame afterwards. The book also talks about how to appreciate the experience and how to have casual sex without any expectations.  

How do you discern whether you have the right reasons to hookup?
It’s important for a person to know their intentions before engaging in a casual hookup. Is it a want for sex or a need for intimacy and closeness? Honesty and clear communication with one’s partner is key, as well as being honest with oneself.  

Key takeaways

The book aims to teach women that it’s okay to have casual sex for sex, without the shame and guilt. It’s important for men to be more understanding and honest after casual sex. Honesty and clear communication is important for both sides.  

Biography:

Lia Holmgren has been an intimacy and relationship coach for more than a decade, guiding her clients through modern challenges and exploring the many roles of power and fantasy. Known for her empathetic nature and direct style, Lia empowers her clients to feel safe in celebrating their authentic sexuality.

Lia holds an M.S. in Negotiation and Conflict Resolution from Columbia University and a B.S. in Biopsychology from Touro University. She is a certified wellness coach and life coach as well as a certified hypnotist. Lia has been featured by numerous media outlets, including NBC Universal, NY Post, Huffington Post, Men’s Health, Curtis and Cosy Show, and more.

Website: liaholmgren.com
More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.thedesirespa.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar for women: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass
Get text reminders for every new episode – text “podcast” to https://my.community.com/jessaatintimacywithease
Get daily conversation starters to share with your partner – text “topics” to https://my.community.com/jessaatintimacywithease

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/207-hookup-without-heartbreak-lia-holmgren

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Dr. Kanwal Bawa talks about sexual health and wellness, particularly vaginal rejuvenation, to improve relationships and the sexual experience. Known as ‘Dr. Sex Fairy’ due to her patients’ incredible sexual wellness success stories, Dr. Bawa reveals to us what’s in her fairy dust.

How important is the female orgasm?

Unfortunately, many women assume that they cannot orgasm. Studies show that many women do not even know their own anatomy, and henceforth do not know how to pleasure themselves. Good orgasms can be indicative of better vaginal health, better mental health, a better relationship with one’s partner and more enjoyable sexual activities.

What do women need to know to achieve orgasm?

There is so much more to having an orgasm than just sex itself. Women need to ensure that they are monitoring their hormones and their vaginal health, as an imbalance or lack of these can make achieving orgasm very difficult. Dr. Bawa explains the different rejuvenation procedures and treatments that she offers to her clients that have helped to change their lives.

Prevention is better than a cure

Dr. Bawa advises people to rethink wellness. Vaginal health needs to be approached in a preventative way and not only brought up when a problem arises. Sexual health is a topic that is ignored by a lot of doctors. By filling this void, Dr. Bawa hopes to transform the lives of many people by improving their sexual health.

Biography:

Dr. Kanwal Bawa is a board-certified physician, founder of Bawa Medical, and a member of FemiWave’s Medical Advisory Board. Dr. Bawa is committed to her philosophy of “rejuvenation from the inside out,” an approach that combines state-of-the-art procedures and multi-faceted solutions with her exceptional knowledge and skill.

After battling a breast cancer diagnosis, Dr. Bawa went on to be crowned Ms. Florida U.S. Continental 2021. Dr. Bawa’s motivation in entering the competition was to inspire cancer patients to live their best lives, and to raise awareness for misdiagnosis. Dr. Bawa is an ambassador for the American Cancer Society’s ResearcHERS initiative to raise funds for women-led cancer research for all cancer.

At her rejuvenation medical practice Bawa Medical in Boca Raton, Florida, Dr. Bawa uses her expertise and procedures to help transform her patients – especially those affected by cancer. She specializes in intimate wellness, skin rejuvenation, hair restoration, IV therapy, and hormone replacement.

To learn more about Dr. Bawa’s background, philosophy, and other personal triumphs please follow this link – https://www.bawamedical.com/about/meet-dr-bawa/

Resources and links:

Website: https://www.bawamedical.com/about/meet-dr-bawa/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCFsvTQJsdYdmAoz-vk-xiXw
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/BawaMedicalBocaRaton/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/bawamedical/
To learn more about FemiWave, visit: https://femiwave.com/

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/206-vaginal-rejuvenation-with-dr-kanwal-bawa

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Master Certified Life Coach, Krista St-Germain, gives advice on how to deal with grief after losing a life partner. In this episode, we will talk about sex after loss and how it fits into the grieving process. How do you discern your needs and wants after being widowed? How do you decide when you’d like to have sex or when you don’t? How do you make those kinds of decisions in a way that is empowering and not fall prey to the myths that exist?

Dealing with grief and healing.  
Grief is the response to any perceived loss. Krista, who works mostly with widows, says that the main issue she sees is the problematic idea that there is a certain way to go through grief.  

It is an experience unique to every person who goes through it.  

We are not well informed when it comes to grief, so layering sex on top of the strict timeline of healing people subject themselves to makes things go from bad to worse.  

The intersection of sex and grief
A typical myth concerning the loss of a spouse is that what the bereaved wants is not really sex, but just the physical connection to another human. In reality, only that individual can know what they want and need at any moment in time. Often, people will try to fill an emotional void with sex. If sex is something one wants, it’s because they want it, not because they’re incomplete without it.  

8 myths about sex and grief
As people we will always have a response to grief, and over time we can change our response and adapt to life such that it becomes integrated and no longer an obstacle. Not only are there no stages or timeline, but there is also no end to grief. It just becomes part of our life experience.

Krista reveals the truth about the eight myths that she usually encounters about sex and grief that could help people figure out how to live their lives again and love sex again without feeling judged or guilty.

How do you talk to people so that they know whether they’re ready or not to have sex again?
This is an individual decision. One must decide to believe in themselves and trust that they know when they’re ready. This doesn’t negate feelings of nervousness or worry, but just shows that one is open to the idea. Krista’s vision is to get people to a place where they know they can be kind to themselves on the other side of whatever decision they’ve made, because that’s the most empowering place to be.  

Biography:

Krista St-Germain is a Master Certified Life Coach, grief expert, widow, mom and host of The Widowed Mom Podcast. When her husband was killed by a drunk driver in 2016, Krista’s life was completely and unexpectedly flipped upside down. After therapy helped her unfurl from the fetal position, Krista discovered Life Coaching, Post Traumatic Growth and learned the tools she needed to move forward and create a future she could get excited about. Now she coaches and teaches other widows so they can love life again, too.

Resources and links:

Website: https://www.coachingwithkrista.com/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/coachingwithkrista/
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/lifecoachkrista/
More info:

How Healthy is Your Sex Life – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/205-sex-as-a-widow-krista-st-germain

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Healing Your Sex Life Through the Unconscious Mind
Dr. Tonia Winchester has been a naturopathic doctor for 15 years. This episode will explore brain-based coaching, and how people can really achieve breakthroughs and get out of patterns that haven’t been working for them. Dr Winchester talks about accessing the unconscious mind in order to achieve a healthy sex lifestyle.

The power of neuro-linguistic programming (NLP)

Through practice, Dr Tonia Winchester found that the best way to help is by tapping into the unconscious mind of her patients. NLP (neuro-linguistic programming) is a tool that allows us to bypass our conscious mind and access the place in our minds where change happens.  

What is the unconscious mind and what does it do for us?
The unconscious mind is responsible for our emotions, triggers, responses and reactions. Dr. Winchester believes that if one wants effective change to happen, they need to dig into the unconscious mind to do so.  

How does the unconscious mind relate to a healthy sex life?
The unconscious mind controls factors that are essential for a healthy sex life, ie. safety, trust, risk-taking and vulnerability. Our desires, or lack thereof, are based on our past experiences in life. The unconscious mind is always looking to keep us safe, so avoiding sex or doing it because we have to, is fulfilling a purpose.  

How does a breakthrough process work and what should people expect from it?
When working with the unconscious mind, one has to deal with negative experiences from their past. With a process called timeline therapy, the charge is gently taken out of these negative emotions and swapped with positive learnings, allowing the patient to have the appropriate and warranted emotions. Reconnecting to positive things can prime people to experience pleasure in their lives and help them draw out things that they are wanting.

Who needs this?

Anyone who has been stuck in the same pattern for years, and knows that they should be taking care of themselves, but aren’t, would be a good candidate for this treatment. Going through unconscious reprogramming is recognizing that one wants more in their life, but that what they’re doing is not and hasn’t been working for a long time.  

Biography:

Dr Tonia Winchester has been in practice as a Naturopathic Doctor since 2007. Now, as a brain-based transformation coach, she uses contemporary neurological reprogramming techniques to help women break through burnout, stress, anxiety, and fatigue and find joy and energy again so that they can create exceptional lives for themselves, their families and communities. She guides her clients through a “Breakthrough” process where they easily and gently clear the past and recode their unconscious minds so that they are primed to make and sustain positive changes in how they take care of themselves. The results are a strengthened connection to self – more self-love, worth, and value, ultimately allowing them to build happy, meaningful relationships and compelling futures. Tonia has been featured on CTV, the Costco Connection, The Elephant Journal, Conscious Nutrition, The Autoimmune Simplified Podcast, and the New Generation Entrepreneur Podcast. To learn more about her brain-based coaching breakthroughs, head over to https://www.toniawinchester.com/breakthrough/

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/204-healing-your-sex-life-through-the-unconscious-mind-dr-tonia-wincester

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode, Dr Laura Dabney explains the importance of selfishness in a relationship. Despite its negative connotation, being selfish can actually make you a better person and partner. Learn why being in tuned to what you want and how you feel is critical and how you can create a balance of giving and selfishness in a relationship.

What does selfishness mean in a relationship?

Simply put, being selfish is taking care of yourself first before others like your partner. Being selfish has always been frowned upon because of its bad connotation but it just means you take responsibility for getting your personal, emotional, and physical needs met, and that’s an important part of becoming an adult. You can’t build a deep, meaningful, and authentic connection when you have little or no concern for yourself in the first place.

What are the consequences of selfless giving and not putting yourself first?

When you put everyone else’s needs ahead of your own, there’s resentment that’s taken but not talked about because of the assumption that your needs weren’t as important. Constantly meeting others’ needs could also lead you to believe that it’s the way of keeping the relationship alive. You’re giving in to the point where it’s hurting you and so the other person could start pulling away emotionally, sexually, physically.

The best person to know you is you

One reason why people tend to not say or advocate for their wants is this fairy tale idea that we expect that the other person should know what we want and we don’t need to tell them that. In reality, this happens because the person is not in touch with themselves, particularly sexually, so they hope the other person will take over.  

Being selfish in a healthy way

Taking care of ourselves is our job as an adult – that’s the definition of being an adult. It is not a negative quality. Take time to reflect, carve out some alone time, name a feeling and practice feeling it. If you have a well-developed sense of who you are and the ability to communicate it to others or your partner, you’ll be a happier person.

The balance of being selfish and giving

In a relationship, you have to set boundaries to know where you end and the other person begins. Know what you need and present it to your partner. Hear what the other person has to say and then figure out a unique formula on how you can make things work for both of you. The best relationship happens when two adults show up and enjoy each other.

Biography:

Dr. Laura Dabney has been a psychiatrist in Virginia Beach, VA for twenty-plus years. She has treated patients in more than a dozen cities across Virginia, including more recently Richmond, VA. Her psychiatric expertise has been featured on radio, podcasts, websites, and in print media. She consults for a number of large institutions, including the Virginia Veterans Administration Medical Center. She received her MD from Eastern Virginia Medical School and has been Board Certified in Psychiatry.

Resources and links:

Website: https://relationship-rx.com/
More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/203-why-selfish-is-good-for-sex-dr-laura-dabney

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode, we take a closer look at the exciting world of dating – from using different dating apps to tackling difficult conversations and navigating the dating scene amid a pandemic. Life and dating coach Damona Hoffman shares tips on how to progress relationships and how to deepen them by cultivating curiosity.  

For people looking for a relationship, what do they need to know in order to be successful in dating?

Damona said that dating is a pretty and repeatable process. If you are already getting frustrated with dating, learn about these five areas to know what you could have been doing wrong.  

How do you handle sexual concerns as well as various loaded topics during dating?

Sex is a part of any relationship, but COVID changed the dating scenario such that there are added health concerns that needed to be addressed first before you even begin to see each other in person. For example, instead of talking about STI testing and the like, you now talk about getting tested for COVID and quarantining. But COVID aside, having a difficult conversation such as sex, politics, or race in the early phases of dating ultimately boils down to listening and understanding. There should be a time when we set aside our beliefs and focus on what really matters like communication, conflict resolution, values, and goals.

Interracial dating and racial bias in dating

Damona talks about the hot topic of race and how it comes into play in dating. Does excluding a particular race from your dating preferences just simply a matter of preference or racial bias? Learn how to ask the five “why’s” to unpack biases and beliefs and how to turn your differences from your partner into a very rich and positive aspect of the relationship.

How important is sexual compatibility during dating? Can this still change over time?

People toss away a perfectly good relationship because in the early phase, the sex isn’t as fulfilling as prior relationships that they compare it to. But Damona believes that sex, along with whatever is in our checklist of what we’re looking for in a partner, should be disregarded in the early phases. During this stage, curiosity should fuel the relationship and not the chemistry or any other arbitrary reason.

Biography:

Damona is the Dating Expert of The Drew Barrymore Show and NPR, a dating coach & TV personality who starred in the A+E Networks’ (FYI TV) series #BlackLove and A Question of Love. She’s a contributor for CNN Headline News (HLN), BET.com, The Washington Post, LA Times, Match dating app and more. Her advice has been featured in hundreds of publications, podcasts, and TV shows and she was the subject of an Oprah O Magazine cover story in 2019. She hosts The Dates & Mates Show as well as the I Make A Living podcast.

Resources and links:

Website: https://damonahoffman.com/
Instagram: @damonahoffman
Twitter: @DamonaHoffman
Podcast: Dates and Mates and Make a Living – https://damonahoffman.com/dates-and-mates-podcast/

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/202-dates-mates-damona-hoffman

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Certified sex coach Kristine D’Angelo talks about pleasure and feeling empowered when it comes to sex, especially for vagina owners. Conversationally, she tackles the most common barriers for vagina owners in achieving sexual pleasure and the kinds of expectations that they’re up against based on societal standards. The differences and similarities between sex coaches and sex therapist are also discussed so people can make the best choice when seeking help.

What’s the difference between sex coaching and sex therapy?
Sex coaching is very much about behavioral changes and practicing those changes in order to feel confident and more connected to your body in order to achieve pleasure. Sex therapy is forming a strong relationship first, and where sex coaching can be built off of.

Why specialize in coaching women?
Kristine wants to watch women step back into their sexuality and become confident and comfortable and advocate for their pleasure. She has been in a position where she has lost her power during a sexual encounter, and she knows how helpless that can make a person feel.  

What are the different pressures that make it even more difficult for vagina owners to achieve sexual fulfillment?
One of the biggest obstacles is constant comparison – from comparing themselves to other vagina owners, to comparing their body to the idol standards of what society thinks is beautiful. This behavior tends to work inwards rather than outwards, where women start to think that there is something wrong with them and that they are below societal standards. Also, women are not explicitly given permission to explore their sexuality in our society as opposed to men.

What would people expect working with you or somebody like you?
Through holistic coaching, different questions are asked, like, “Where do you want your sex life to be six months from now without worrying what could get in the way or what could go wrong?” By describing your ideal sex life, a sex coach would then ask you to do home assignments based on a customized action plan.  

Biography:

Kristine D’Angelo is a Certified Sex Coach who works with women and couples, coaching her clients towards sexual fulfillment. Kristine has worked hard creating a safe and comfortable space for her clients to explore and embrace their sexuality. She’s always exposing herself to learning in depth about human sexuality, relationships, being an ally to the LGBTQ community and volunteering for organizations that promote a sex-positive society.

Kristine holds a degree in Sociology and Community Health and certification through Sex Coach U. She has always been drawn to human interactions and has focused on human sexuality as her main passion in life and path in education. The hard work her clients experience encourages her to change the world through sexually enlightening and empowering people through her sex coaching.

“Watching my clients become sexually empowered is the highlight of my life’s work, I want the world to experience this level of self-awareness.”

Resources and links:

Website: https://www.doyoursexlifeafavor.com/
YouTube: Kristine D’Angelo, Certified Sex Coach
Podcast: So I Married a Sexologist

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode, Asya Brodsky gives insight into sexual issues and concerns with veterans. From injuries, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) or military sexual trauma (MST), Brodsky explains how these experiences can create all kinds of ramifications in the life of a veteran and how these can affect sexual function and intimacy with a partner.

What are the kinds of concerns that are prevalent among veterans?

PTSD is still the most common issue among veterans, as well as PTSD due to MST. According to Brodsky, veterans in combat who come back physically whole carry great psychological and emotional repercussions. However, the recovery and rehabilitation process for them are focused on basic means and sexuality is often neglected.

What are some of the steps around PTSD and MST? Is this something that the military is taking on?

There are multiple campaigns for MST for veterans. These campaigns let them know that there is support out there and that actions are being taken to address their mental health and really look into this seriously.

What kinds of things get in the way of veterans seeking help in sexual issues?

Brodsky said it’s still primarily military culture where soldiers are taught to be tough and disconnected from their emotions to survive. The contradiction is, what helps them in the service, hurts them in civilian life. It’s a big deterrent for vets seeking out services also because of the stigma about seeking help for mental issues.

What are these people facing coming back from war wounded?

If you were injured in combat, likely you have a combination of physical and psychological injury affecting someone’s identity and self-concept. Physical injuries have an effect on sexuality and sexual expression. Brodsky is positive, however, that in no time, authorities will recognize sexual issues to be part of the rehabilitation process.

What should spouses do?

Brodsky gives suggestions on what veteran couples can do, such as therapy. She also underlines the importance of being patient and recognizing that sexuality can change overtime. Military partners should also make themselves aware of PTSD and follow the lead of their partner on whether they feel comfortable talking about their experience.

In the end, Brodsky advises veterans to seek help as soon as possible.

Biography:

Asya Brodsky, LCSW, CADC, CST is a licensed clinical social worker, certified alcohol and drug counselor and certified sex therapist through AASECT. She holds positions as the Women Veterans Program Manager at the Jesse Brown VA Medical Center and maintains her own private sex therapy practice, Speak Chicago Psychotherapy LLC. Asya is a relational psychodynamically-informed psychotherapist, specializing in the areas of sexual functioning and expression and their impact on individual and relational identities and lives. Asya is affiliated with psychoanalytic communities in Chicago and is the co-founder and co-leader of the Chicago Sex Therapist Network.

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/200-sex-and-veterans-asya-brodsky

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this fascinating episode, board certified sex therapist and addictions counselor Dr. Carol Clark helps us demystify the concept of cross dressing and take away the stigma and shame commonly associated with it. If you or someone you know is a cross dresser, the insights from this episode will surely help in getting accurate information out there and prepare people to receive somebody who might reveal that they’re crossdresser and validate that.

Is there an intersection of cross dressing and gender and how do we define it?

In general, cross dressing is defined as wearing the clothes that are normally associated with the other sex or gender. It has gender implications as far as how we present it such as when a person identifies with one gender but presents as another and, in so doing, feeling like another gender. All of that is separate from sexual orientation, which is who you are attracted to.

Is cross dressing the beginning of somebody identifying as transgender?

It may or may not be. Dr. Clark emphasizes that cross dressing is a form of expression for various reasons. It is important to distinguish different reasons, particularly in therapy, to know what brought the person to therapy. We have to ask the cross dressers what’s the allure of that, what’s their motivation, etc.

How much are cross dresser suspected of being gay?

Generally, cross dressers are heterosexual men wearing women clothing for various reasons. It is always important to ask and not jump to any conclusions. We have to fix society to have a better understanding of cross dressing so a person can just dress up however way they want without the judgment.

What should a partner do?

It is important to reassure partners of cross dressers that it is not about them, and it is not their fault. Partners should have a deeper communication and try to get to know each other again. Just like in any marriage or partnership, it will come down to some compromises and making some adjustments in the relationship to make it work.

When should a cross dresser tell their partner and/or their children?

There are no “shoulds” but ideally you want your partner to know before starting the relationship. As in any case, revealing a big secret can be very traumatic to the other person and can be felt as betrayal. Keeping it a secret will not make it stop or go away.

Understanding cross dressing

These days where there are so many different ways of identifying your gender, cross dressers aren’t calling themselves as such and try to avoid calling themselves anything. For them, it is a way of life. For therapists, and for our friends and family, it all boils down to asking questions like, “Why are you showing up in my office? What’s your issue? How is cross dressing a problem for you? What is the meaning of this for you”

Biography:

Dr. Carol Clark is a board certified in sex therapy and addictions and is the president, founder, and senior instructor for the International Institute of Clinical Sexology and the Therapist Certification Association.

From prisoners to celebrities, businessmen to artists, Dr. Clark’s work has helped individuals from a multitude of backgrounds to find a better life. She employs a variety of interventions to effectively assist those seeking personal growth and an improved sense of well-being in their lives. By using the concepts in her book, Addict America: The Lost Connection and My Pocket Therapist: 12 Tools for Living in Connection, she facilitates the healing that allows full intimacy and Connection.

In conjunction with her educational and professional development, her spiritual journey has evolved to an emotional and intellectual awareness of addiction as a condition that permeates all aspects of people’s lives.

Find her on Facebook & Instagram @DrCarolClark.

You can also check out The International Institute of Clinical Sexology on Facebook @sextherapyphd and on Instagram @iics.phd.

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/199-cross-dressing-dr-carol-clark

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode we talk to Kristian Holmes, a therapist who is a person of color. We dive deep into racism and emotional and mental health, especially for people of color and/or disadvantaged people in general. We’ll discuss what these groups of people are up against in terms of seeking care, the kind of experiences they have and what they can do to potentially advocate for themselves and find resources to support them. We will also talk about what therapists can do to make sure that they are providing a safe space for them.

How does racism impact people’s sexual health and wellbeing in general?

Sexual health involves physical, mental, social and emotional wellbeing. With systemic racism, biases are inherent in a lot of medical practices, and trying to seek quality care or resources in terms of sexual health becomes difficult for people of color. The stress brought about by racism on a day-to-day basis impacts people’s relationships and sex life.

How do you advise people of color to seek out help that will be responsive?

Communication is key. Do not hesitate to seek information in a community amongst people who are struggling or dealing with similar issues, regardless of whether it’s medical or therapy. It is important to ask questions and be transparent and open to people about what you’re seeking for in a doctor or a therapist. Kristian Holmes also recommends some groups that she considers to be safe spaces where black people can go to explore their sexuality and discuss issues that they may be having.

How can therapists create a safe space for people of color?

Therapists have to make sure that they are aware of their inherent biases or stereotypes. It is necessary to educate yourselves outside the office and self-reflect to know who you are comfortable dealing with and the different issues that you are comfortable talking about. If you are struggling in dealing with clients who are of color, seek supervision and consultation. Holmes also goes into dismantling specific stereotypes associated with black people in general.

How can therapists make it clear that they are offering a safe space for people of color?

There are a number of factors that can help convey this message. It could be the training that you are attending, what you are posting on social media, and just really showing that black lives and black people’s mental health matters.

Biography:

Kristian A. Holmes is the founder of Stepping Stones Counseling & Wellness Center. She is a licensed mental health counselor, National Certified Counselor, qualified supervisor for registered mental health interns and certified Florida School Guidance Counselor with experience working with adults, children, adolescents and families in various settings such as schools, day treatment programs, the criminal justice system, and as a private psychotherapist. Kristian obtained her Bachelor’s, Master’s and Specialist degrees from the University of Florida.

A holistic, strength-based, and sexological approach that is tailored to meet the unique needs of each individual is utilized in therapy along with other techniques and approaches that are complementary to the client’s presenting concerns. Kristian is fully dedicated to helping her clients realize their potential through support and empowerment.

Resources and links:

Website: https://www.thesteppingstonescounseling.com
Instagram: @stepstowardswellness

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/198-racism-and-sexual-health-kristian-holmes

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Actress Sayra Player takes us into a different level of meditation. We discuss tapping into our imagination to inspire creativity with masturbation and getting in touch with our body and sensations. Along with a team of writers, actors, creators, and producers, she founded the app Guided by Glow, a guided meditation app designed to increase women’s sexual wellness through erotic audio experiences.

What is the story behind the business and why did Player start Guided by Glow?

Meditation is a magical and healing space and much needed by everybody. But the idea of bringing someone into this mindful state to have imaginary sexual play hasn’t been explored yet. Pooling her network of actors and producers, Sayra Player tried to fill in that gap. From a big closet that she turned into a makeshift studio, her team created erotic stories that are now helping many to own their sexuality and bring awareness to the senses and imagination.

Why is it powerful to connect to the imagination of the senses?

Masturbation puts one in an imaginative and creative state. Every guide on the app has the intention to create a meaningful, intimate experience with the listener. Imagination and creativity can lead us to a truthful state, and can allow us to enjoy sexuality.

What else can you do to enhance your experience?

Sayra Player would want to empower people to write their own fantasies. She talks about how her team is now encouraging people to play with their imagination and really embrace all the parts of themselves where they hold shame and fear.

How can Guided by Glow improve somebody’s sex life with their partner?

These recordings can help relationships, especially long-term relationships, stay fresh. A lot can happen to our mind and body when we do a 10-20 erotic meditation before sleeping with our partners. Sayra also said that this app was created for her younger, single self, so she could get that glow and energy from being sexually satisfied even without having a partner.

How do these ideas about creativity or imagination show up in an actual sexual encounter with a partner?

Sayra believes that just like meditation, listening to the Guided by Glow sessions will help you tune in more to your body. It also helps to bring in energy, presence and sensuality as well as creating a space to accommodate your partner.  

Biography:

Sayra Player is founder of Guided By Glow, the guided audio app designed to help users unlock their sexual power through meditative erotic stories.  An artist and actress, Sayra is dedicated to creating playful, inspiring experiences and deeply believes in spiritual transformation through fine art.  

Sayra has written, produced, cast, starred in, and directed many films and theatrical productions throughout her career. Sayra previously served as Artistic Director of The Collective NY, where she nurtured over 60 artists, produced benefits, fundraisers, and 10 plays, and developed scripts for television and film.

Sayra believes that sex is emotional, spiritual, and can be key to nurturing a deeper relationship with oneself. Through Guided by Glow, Sayra aims to contribute to a culture that fosters healthy sex lives by combining mindfulness with sensuality to honor the body’s needs without shame.  

Resources and links:

Guided by Glow’s website – https://www.guidedbyglow.com

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/197-guided-by-glow-sayra-player

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode, Dr. Rachel Allyn, a holistic psychologist, and pleasure expert, walks me through the concept of “bodyfullness.” Sharing some personal experiences, she talks about how embodied mindfulness can help us heal our traumas, reclaim our right to healthy pleasures, and inspire heartfelt human connection.

What is bodyfullness?

Bodyfullness is the ability to use connection and movement and physical awareness, in addition to paying attention to our thoughts and feelings, to really open up to pleasure. It also recognizes the ways that trauma lives in our body but goes to the next step of owning our rights to life’s pleasures and giving ourselves mental permission to enjoy, especially in a world where pleasure has been labelled a dirty word.

How does the practice of bodyfullness tap into our capacity for healing and connection?

Bodyfullness is moving away from the notion that feeling good in our body is bad and should be repressed. In fact, reverence for our body is the portal to opening up to different types of pleasure. When we open up to pleasure just within our own self, we connect more to others, and it helps us to open up to intimacy and relationships, be it sexual or platonic.

How do we overcome some barriers to bodyfullness such as self-acceptance and body image issues?

Dr. Allyn believes that part of the system we’ve been raised in is the epidemic of disembodiment, and that we should start an inner revolution about our bodies. bodyfullness is not just loving our body, but also embracing pain and discomfort especially when we override our body’s messages. We should all take time to listen to the language of the body and put it into balance.

Four essential and overlooked types of pleasure

Dr. Allyn discusses the four types of pleasure, underscoring the need to embrace all of life’s pleasures, because we all deserve to experience every single one. She talks about sensual pleasure, playful and creative pleasure, flow states, and erotic and sexual pleasure. Embracing pleasures does not mean running away from pain. Rather, it helps us tolerate and regulate pain, and keeps us grounded and honest about ourselves in dealing with emotions.

How do people expand their pleasure and how do they share it with others?

Dr. Allyn suggests slowing down and giving the body permission to rest. We need to start with ourselves before moving into engaging with others and bringing in somebody else to share in our pleasures. We need to own our right to pleasures first to effectively share and open up to what others might want for pleasures. Ultimately, it is a process of give and take.

The Pleasure Is All Yours: Reclaim Your Body’s Bliss and Reignite Your Passion for Life

In her book, Dr. Allyn gives light to people feeling stagnant coming out of the pandemic. She hopes that her book can reignite the power of inner connection to our bodies in order to connect to others on a deeper level. The negative feelings that we experience during these trying times are all part of a natural reaction to our collective trauma. Self-compassion, patience and support from others is key.

Biography:

RACHEL ALLYN, PHD is a licensed clinical psychologist, certified yoga instructor, public speaker, and relationship columnist. She is the founder of YogaPsych, PLLC, a psychotherapy practice for adults that blends Western medicine with Eastern philosophy and connects the mind with the body. She has been in private practice for almost fifteen years working with individuals and couples dealing with sexuality, intimacy, and relationship problems as well as trauma, depression, anxiety, and loss. She’s been quoted in books and magazines including Yoga Journal, Women’s Health, Outside, Good Housekeeping, and Cosmopolitan.

Resources and links:

Website: https://www.drrachelallyn.com/
Instagram: @drrachelallyn
More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/196-bodyfullness-dr-rachel-allyn

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Lisa Schwartz is here with me to talk about the intersection of ADD/ADHD with relationships and sex. We go over how ADD/ADHD can show up in various ways, strategies to build an intimate relationship, and how ADD is not just a disorder.  

Definition- Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD)

Lisa’s personal experience with ADD has helped her work with patients in her practice. She says that people with ADD can hyper-focus on things that grab their interest. While doing that, they may not be able to focus on things that are not of interest to them.  

Recognizing the behaviors of ADD/ADHD

From her experience with patients in her practice, Lisa lists several behaviors such as disorganization, not being present, short-term memory issues, lack of energy, and more, that people with ADD exhibit. One can be recognized as having ADD when one or more of these behaviors begins to show themselves.  

How does ADD/ADHD show up in sex and relationships?

Lisa uses David Reed’s Erotic Stimulus Pathway model and Dennis Dailey’s model of sexual beings to explain how ADD shows up in sex and relationships. Reed’s model around sexual functioning talks about seduction, sensation, surrender and reflection. Lisa describes how ADD/ADHD interrupts relationships with one’s partner, sexual and otherwise. Dailey’s model of sexual beings categorizes human beings into sensuality, intimacy, identity, reproduction, and sexualization. These categories show up to affect individuals with ADD and their partners in sex and relationships.  

Tips for people with ADD/ADHD in terms of sex and relationships  

Lisa advises people with ADD/ADHD to take their medication to keep their focus, plan their sexual activities on a leisure day to conserve their energy, build an environment comfortable for both partners and practice mindfulness to stay present.  

It’s also important for partners to identify ADD/ADHD and view it as separate from them in a way that doesn’t impact their efforts to work on it collaboratively.  

Final thoughts  

Lisa leaves us with the message that ADD/ADHD is not necessarily a disorder, but to be viewed as something positive that enhances creativity and passion.  

Biography:

Sexuality educator and psychotherapist with more than 20 years of experience, Lisa B. Schwartz has a doctorate in Human Sexuality Education and a master’s degree in Psychological Services from the University of Pennsylvania.

Dr Schwartz has a private psychotherapy practice and has specialized in the area of sexuality issues since 1994. Welcoming to a diverse clientele, and varying relational partnering (couples, thrupples and others), she works with clients on a wide range of sexuality issues: for example, issues about the impact of ADD/ADHD, change in sexual desire, infidelity and enhancing sexual experiences.

Licensed by the State of Pennsylvania and New Jersey to practice Marriage and Family Therapy, Lisa B. Schwartz also is licensed to provide telehealth in Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Florida. She earned her certificate in Marriage and Family Therapy in an in-depth, three-year program offered by the Family Institute of Philadelphia. In addition, she is a sex therapist certified by the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists.

Dr Schwartz received specialty training in relationship and sex therapy on diagnosing and treating erectile dysfunction. She remains current about sexuality issues by participating in continuing education programs.

Lisa B. Schwartz is a Clinical Member of the American Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, a member of the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors and Therapists, the Association for Women in Psychology and the Society for Sex Therapy and Research.

Resources and links:

Website: sexualconcerns.com  
Melissa Orlov www.adhdmarriage.com
www.additudemag.com

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/195-add-and-sex-lisa-schwartz

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Rachel Duffy brings in actionable tips to navigate parenting that not only enriches your relationship with your children, but also unlock some of the barriers to your sex life. We discuss parenting issues, how to correct behavior, and navigate the differences in parenting approaches with your partner.  

Finding a passion for caring for family and children’s wellbeing in all her professions and personal life, Rachel explored conscious parenting to help people navigate parenting and life with children in general.  

When You Disagree with Your Partner’s Parenting in the Moment  

Rachel urges people to recognize their children’s ability to grow up with different parenting styles from each parent. To avoid a conflict in front of children, Rachel points out maintaining communication with trust and the assumption that your spouse ultimately wants the best for your children. It sets children up with a realistic image of marriage and empowers them with choices of their approach to parenting when they’re older. Giving children the space to express their feelings about one’s parenting is crucial.  

Examining Upbringing and Repeated Patterns  

Rachel believes from personal experience that people tend to repeat patterns of parenting like their parents even if it goes unnoticed sometimes. To avoid repeating those patterns, parents must work on understanding how their upbringing is projecting in their parenting, and reevaluate.  

Navigating Differences in Parenting Approaches

Rachel stresses the unreliability of “quick fixes” and advises parents to dig deeper into the root cause of their children’s behaviors, and why it bothers them. Creating a rapport with your children to communicate and address what’s going on behind those behaviors or examining what’s going on with their relationship with the parent could help. Sometimes it’s parents’ triggers to children’s behavior that needs addressing.  

How to Support Your Partner with Their Triggers?

Moving forward with compassion and an understanding that your partner is doing their best with the tools they have is necessary to implement an actionable plan that addresses the issue at hand.  

Actionable Tips to Navigate Conflict in Front of Children  

The best way to navigate differences in front of children is to make a plan in advance such as coming up with a signal to let the partner know when it’s time for them to break away. Rachel also suggests parents either work with a therapist for deeper issues or with a parenting coach to speed up the progress while children are still at home.  

Why is it Worth Doing?

Rachel says that working on parenting not only deepens one’s connection with the children and themselves, but also deepens the relationship between the parents.  

Biography

Rachel Duffy is a Certified Conscious Parenting Coach. She helps high achieving parents get off the “Roller Coaster Track” of parenting by learning how to set boundaries with their kids without yelling, feeling guilty or getting their buttons pushed so that they can foster a deep connection and enjoy the time they have with their families

Through her unique methodology, she helps parents become Parenting Architects: gain patience, understanding, authentic connection with their children, become powerfully grounded and finally, see the success they have in their professional setting also within their home.

Unlike traditional parenting models that rely on quick fixes to put out fires, Rachel helps you create life-lasting change, without using discipline or fear, by facing uncomfortable truths, risk-taking and not settling for mediocrity.

With decades of combined experience as a family lawyer and businesswoman, Rachel brings a unique combination of both strategic and tactical tools alongside growth and self-development, all delivered with compassion. Today, she works with parents and leaders to help them find freedom, joy and direction in their parenting and leadership positions.

Resources and links:

Website: sagacitylab.com  
IG: @_rachelduffycoach_   
FB: https://www.facebook.com/sagacitylab/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sagacitylab/
More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/194-navigating-parenting-differences-rachel-duffy

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Kathy Slaughter introduces an interesting way of integrating pleasure, in both sexual and everyday activities, as a way to heal from trauma. She talks about what trauma does to our body and mind, how to regain the connection between the two, navigate healing in intimate relationships, recognize triggers, and how to trust and feel safe.  

Slaughter’s Interest in Healing from Trauma

Kathy’s interest in this field of work stems from her decades of experience working with situations like domestic violence, substance abuse, and gender and sexuality struggles. Evolving from her own experience as well, Kathy embraced the idea of pleasure becoming a step in healing trauma.  

Integrating Sexual Pleasure in Trauma Healing & Its Relevance

While it’s harder to incorporate pleasure in the initial stages of trauma survival, it can be experienced through soothing activities, like a hot bath. When you’re in the thriving stage, embracing pleasure can unlock a pool of resources of soothing strategies. Trauma disconnects people from themselves and the process to get the connection back varies for every trauma, but it’s also fundamentally the same and comes out of the need to feel safe and trust.  

Role of Physical Pleasure

Kathy identifies behaviors her clients enjoy and reinforces those behaviors in everyday life which couples can transition into the bedroom. Once they start integrating pleasure into their daily life, they learn to be mindful of things around them that bring them pleasure, help with anxiety, pressure release, and sleep.  

Partner Pleasure in Healing from Trauma

While healthy relationships can restore your connection with yourself, relationships that have trouble with intimacy through sex can experience pleasure in everyday things like holding hands or cuddling. Kathy suggests trauma survivors take individual or couples therapy to recognize triggers and learn how to not let them get in the way of intimacy.

Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn Response & Sharing Responsibility

A partner who tends to respond by fighting can snap in the bedroom when triggered, a partner with a risk of fleeing might respond by pulling away. Someone with a tendency to fawn might be prone to please, while someone whose response is to freeze might dissociate in the bedroom. Kathy suggests looking out for these responses to check in when it shows up.  

She believes that the partner initiating the activity has the primary responsibility to look out for triggers, while the other person as an adult has the responsibility to look out for themselves at all times. It’s about balancing, supporting, and being there for each other.  

Biography:

Understanding how abuse happens, how to recover from it, and how communities can prevent abuse and respond to harm in life-affirming ways forms the basis of Kathy’s passion. Grounded in Social Work values and paradigms, Kathy has spent 15 years working on healing trauma and uncovering pleasure, agency, and safety in the consulting room. Currently, she leads a team of five at Soaring Heart Counseling, a sex-positive, queer-affirming, trauma-informed therapy practice in Indianapolis, Indiana.

To connect with pleasure, Kathy enjoys practicing yoga and meditation, dancing, hiking, and planning outdoor adventures with friends at regional Burning Man festivals.

Resources and links:

Website: soaringheartcounseling.com  
Twitter & Instagram: @SoaringHeartIndy  
Conference about polyamory: ethicalpolyam.com  
TEDx talk: https://soaringheartcounseling.com/love-lessons-from-open-relationships/

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want sex again so it never feels like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/193-pleasure-as-a-means-of-healing-trauma-kathy-slaughter

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Breaking myths about male victims of sexual assault, Kelvin Pace joins me in talking about changed parameters, frequency, the societal narrative of men raped by women, the path to healing, and resources of support.

What Drew Kelvin Into Working With Victims?  
Kelvin observed that 80-90% of the transitional youth that he worked with were sexual assault victims, prompting him to work in the field. After CDC came out with the National Intimate Partner and Sexual Violence Survey, which included a new parameter of ‘made to penetrate’, it was found that at any given year, 1 out of 4 men are sexually assaulted.  

Change in Parameters – ‘Made to Penetrate’
Before the new parameter came out, the sexual assault of men only included men being raped in prison and men sexually assaulted by other men. However, the new parameter of ‘made to penetrate’ changed it to include men being made to penetrate by other men or women by coercion, influence under substances, or by guilt. He noted that 75% of men reported being made to penetrate by female perpetrators.  

Societal Myths
Kelvin explains that we grow up believing that men can’t be raped because men must want sex all the time; that men can’t sleep through sex with an erection, and if men have erections or ejaculate they must have consented to sex, all of which are societal myths that push men away from reporting their sexual assault.  

As 71% of victims experience some form of sexual assault before the age of 25, they grow up believing a narrative that pushes them to become hyper-masculine and defensive. Kevin works to provide victims a safe space to be vulnerable, express their feelings, and tell their stories.  

Process of Healing – What to Expect?
Kelvin builds trust with his clients He takes his clients through the process of talking about their feelings and thoughts, has them ask questions about the emotions triggered, and gathers information as a result to form decisions on the behavior. The clients then sit with those negative and positive behaviors and decide which one to act upon. This helps them feel empowered and in control.  

Connecting Past Thoughts and Present Emotions
Kelvin helps his clients to sit with their emotions in the present and connect them to the thoughts of their past. After contemplating questions like “what if?” and “should I have?”, his clients have an opportunity to come to a place of acceptance. Kelvin then gets his clients to answer what they’ve learned about the experience and themselves. The responses would usually include resilience and empowerment. While it’s important to learn and not ruminate about the experience, it’s also important to recognize what happened.  

Biography:

Kelvin Pace, MS, LPC-S, CST. He graduated with a master’s in clinical psychology from the University of Alaska Anchorage in 2009.  

Kelvin is the owner of Kpace Counseling, LLC where he serves clients in private practice. He does contract work with Full Spectrum Health as a behavioral health clinician where he works with an integrated care team delivering evidenced-based care to persons of the LGBTQ+ community. Kelvin has worked for a local non-profit delivering mental health services to children and young adults that have suffered from complex trauma. With a firm foundation in trauma, he delivers trauma-informed sex-positive therapy to his clients.  

Kelvin provides services to couples and individuals dealing with sexual or relationship issues that include low desire, anxiety surrounding sex, and infidelity. His current focus is on mindfulness-based interventions to manage sexual concerns and he works with persons that are either in or looking to explore non-traditional relationship orientations that fall under the umbrella of consensual/ethical non-monogamy.  

Resources for male sexual assault survivors:

Malesurvivor.org https://malesurvivor.org/
Rainn.org https://rainn.org/
Menhealing.org https://menhealing.org/
Local stand against rape groups https://www.nsvrc.org/
Resources and links:

Website: kpacecounseling.net  
Email: kpacecounseling@gmail.com
Facebook: @kpacecounselingLLC
IG: @kpace37
More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/192-men-raped-by-women-kelvin-pace

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Trauma: Letting in vs Letting Go
Benson Fox; a transformational coach, therapist extern, a psych major, and a current doctoral student of Adelphi university, guides people and helps them to embrace all parts of themselves. He talks about the effects of sexual abuse and the impact unprocessed trauma can have. He also talks about how to process trauma.  

Listening To Parts of Yourself That Advocate Your Needs
Benson believes people tend to shun parts of themselves like anger, shame, depression, self-doubt, and hatred for reasons such as ‘societal messaging’, when in fact these emotions should be felt and processed.  

He says that all parts of yourself are advocating for your needs, like shame advocating the need to enforce boundaries. In those cases, it’s important to correct these behaviors by relying on one’s internal system (that’s been evaluated and chosen for oneself) rather than outside validation. He further dives into identifying some exceptions and how one can deal with them.  

How Does It Get In The Way Of Your Sex Life?
According to Benson, all experiences, including trauma, have both negative and positive aspects to them (in the context of an individual to process it and not in any way to justify the experience). When people have a negative experience, they tend to shut out the parts of themselves that feel something positive. It leads to a lack of trust in those parts when they go unprocessed. He further explores this idea by giving examples and discussing some of the dangers and the blurriness of this concept.  

What Is The Process?
Benson believes that people should process as much pain as they can while maintaining a balance, so that they can get full access to their potential. In his practice, Benson follows parallel processing of functionality, optimization, and self-actualization for the short term and long term, where he incorporates the NASRI model – Notice, Accept, Sit, Respect, and Integrate. He takes us through each step of the process and emphasizes that NASRI is not an instructional-based model, but something that the client molds for themselves. The goal is to understand ‘how to address and receive the defenses’ while processing what’s behind the defense.  

Impact of Benson’s Orthodox Jewish Background on His Work and Perspective

Benson’s Jewish background gives him confidence and trust in his process. His view of the world through the physical dimension of action and spiritual dimension of mindset, and the belief that we live in both at the same time allow him peace and confidence as a professional that people will be taken care of, but at the same time, helping as many people as he can.  

Biography:

My name is Benson Fox, and I am an experienced and certified transformation coach and crisis counselor. I’m a major in psychology from Touro College and currently a doctoral student in Psychology at Adelphi University and a therapist extern at Brooklyn College. I help men and teens looking to gain balance, harmony, and joy in their personal and professional lives.

Resources and links:

Website: www.coachbensonfox.com Get a free 30 minute consultation now!
All socials: @coachbensonfox
Email: results@coachbensonfox.com

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com
Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/191-letting-in-vs-letting-go-benson-fox

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Dr. Stephanie Estima, author of the book The Betty Body: A Geeky Goddess’ Guide to Intuitive Eating, Balanced Hormones, and Transformative Sex, joins us to talk all about how women can take control and embrace their bodies. She talks about chronic stress, menstrual cycle, sleep, hormonal imbalance, nutrition, and how we can love ourselves by understanding them.  

“Women need to have twice as much sex than men” – Dr. Estima

Women have 52% less serotonin synthesis than men which causes women to require twice as much reinforcement. This reinforcement could be sex or otherwise to fill that gap.  

The Betty Body
Dr. Estima’s The Betty Body promises to help women get their own “Betty body”. Its philosophy is rooted in being size agnostic and embracing the body that you already have. The book helps driven people with a vagina embrace their gender agnostic feminine energy as much as their masculine energy by slowing down and getting attuned to their bodies.  

What the book teaches people with a vagina
The book talks about the effects of chronic stress on physiology. Chronic stress is of two types: Eustress and Distress. While eustress gives out ‘good stressors’ to motivate you, distress negatively impacts you to de-energize. Dr. Estima talks about these stressors and their effect on your menstrual cycle and your ability to embrace your body in the book. Dr. Estima believes women must understand their menstrual cycle and how to use their hormonal flow to their advantage.

Hormonal imbalance and sleep deprivation
Dr. Estima explains the impact of hormonal imbalance and the various hormonal compositions that occur while moving from perimenopause to menopause. She stresses the importance of mastering the natural bases like generalized movement, stress reduction, and nutrition before considering other options like hormone replacement therapy.  

She talks about the impact of sleep, regular sex, and orgasm on the vitals (heart rate, blood pressure, respiratory rate, oxygen saturation, and menstrual cycle) and the activation of pleasure centers in the brain. To solve sleep deprivation, Dr. Estima suggests avoiding bright lights in the evening and keeping caffeine intake to 12 hours before sleeping.

Advice for women struggling with orgasm  
Dr. Estima advises women who’ve never had an orgasm to take it slow and spend an hour every day exploring their bodies to figure out what they like. Self-pleasure could be the first step towards discovering more about your pleasure points. She emphasizes the freedom in play and the lack of pressure. She suggests resistant training and protein intake improves the synthesis of testosterone for people experiencing anorgasmia.  

She leaves us with hope for every betty to look inside themselves for their worth rather than external validation.

Biography:

Dr. Stephanie Estima is a doctor of chiropractic with a special interest in metabolism, body composition, functional neurology, and female physiology.

She’s been featured on Thrive Global, of the Huffington Post, has over 3.5 million article reads on Medium.com, and has helped thousands of women lose weight, regulate hormones, and get off medications with her signature program, The Estima Diet. You can hear her every week on her podcast, Better! With Dr. Stephanie.

Resources and links:

Website: bettybodybook.com Get your free gifts and guides!  

Book: Find The Betty Body: A Geeky Goddess’ Guide to Intuitive Eating, Balanced Hormones, and Transformative Sex in all online stores  

Podcast: Better with Dr. Stephanie – https://hellobetty.club/podcast/

IG:  @drstephanieestima

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclas

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/190-hormones-are-your-superpower-dr-stephanie-estima

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Alexander Liu joins me in a conversation about his documentary “A Sexplanation”, which talks about his journey of coming out as gay in high school and his continued shame and disconnect over sex in his adult life. He talks about his journey into researching sex and sexuality and his changed conception.   

Story Behind the Documentary  

With society stigmatizing sex between men, in spite of having supportive parents, Alex went through a difficult mental journey coming out as gay in high school. He felt shame around sex, fantasies, his body, and had a hard time communicating his desires with the other person. His research into a healthy sex life began after opening up to his friends and realizing they had the same concerns.  

Evolving Conception of Sex and Sexuality with Research

Soon after he began his research, he found normalcy around fantasies, anal sex, pleasure, and more. He had a revelation about his idea of sex and sexuality not centered around pleasure but around risk factors, health concerns, and societal stigmas. He started out by asking questions about orgasm and porn, which then evolved into him understanding sex and sexuality as sacred. Being introduced to gay sex through religion, Alex didn’t realize it could be something meaningful that he could decide how he wanted to express.

He saw the need to normalize sex, masturbation, and pleasure in the right way for kids and started filming a documentary by interviewing experts from all areas, asking them his questions, doubts, and fears around sex and sexuality.  

A Sexplanation  

The movie dives into Alex’s narrative and investigates many aspects of coming out, navigating relationships, sexual stigmas, sex life, and communication with a partner. It shows his journey into finding his authentic way of expression and its significance. All of which are relatable to many people of all sexualities who are dealing with issues around sex and meaningful connections.  

Examining Porn and Sex Education in “A Sexplanation”

Many seek out porn to see the mechanics of different kinds of sex, but it leaves out the realistic aspect of pleasurable sex. The documentary examines whether kids should be taught about how pleasurable sex works in school, taboo fantasies, and more. It covers talking with people from churches, conservative politicians, and planned parenthood about educating people around these issues.  

How can people become sexually literate?

While people can get accurate medical information about oral, anal, and vaginal sex through trusted internet sources and planned parenthood, it’s harder to learn to trust the people closest to you with your fears and doubts. It’s also important to check personal bias and make sure it’s not projecting from a bad place.  

Biography:

Writer, Director Alex Liu’s work explores taboo topics like sex and drugs in order to broaden our understanding of science, morality, and how to negotiate a meaningful life. He’s developed two YouTube channels focused on sex and drug education, with over five million views. After studying molecular toxicology at UC Berkeley and Science, Health, and Environmental Reporting at New York University, he produced video, radio, and print content for NOVA ScienceNOW, CNN Health, and San Francisco NPR station KQED.

Resources and links:

Website: asexplanation.com See the trailer and get tickets to stream online.

@asexplanation — All social handles (FB, IG, TW)

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore:  https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/189-a-sexplanation-alexander-liu

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Wanda Braveman joins me today to share her personal story through her book, “White Knight: Living with Alzheimer’s Moment by Moment.” The book details her difficult journey with a partner who had been diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s. She talks about how their relationship changed, issues of consent, and their sex life while sharing her powerful story.  

Background of their Relationship  

Wanda reminisces about her first encounter with her husband, Joe, and their connection on their first date. After their heartwarming encounter, Wanda says they had no contact with each other for a year until Christmas time when they finally got together and ended up getting married 9 months later. Discussing their relationship before Alzheimer’s, Wanda talks about Joe’s achievements of high diving in high school and his high intelligence. They had an incredibly passionate sex life and a normal married life. Four and half years into the marriage, they realized that Joe couldn’t read the time on his watch, which they mistook for poor eyesight. Later, she realized they needed a doctor after Joe couldn’t remember his social security number or his co-workers’ names.  

Sexual Relationship After Being Diagnosed with Alzheimer’s  

Wanda’s husband was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s at the age of 57. They continued having a sexual relationship; Wanda says, “It was like saying goodbye.” Seven months into the diagnosis, their sexual relationship took a turn when the act was no longer filled with tenderness and romance, but something that could quickly have turned into sexual assault. Wanda then took action to put a stop to it. While there are many books about the clinical aspect of Alzheimer’s disease, there were none about how Alzheimer’s feels from a personal perspective. It was a book that Wanda needed when she had no one to talk to about her experience as she was going through it.

Wanda describes the advancement of Alzheimer’s as inconsistent. As their lovemaking stopped, Wanda was concerned that, since his inhibitions were lowered, he might attack other women or their daughters due to his sexual frustration. Their relationship took a turn from being intimate to Wanda assuming the role of his mother and taking him to work every morning.  

Role of Consent  

Wanda combined his dislike of showers with lovemaking, intending to give him pleasure; a ‘loving gesture’ as Wanda says. She grappled with how consent played out in the later years. She realized their relationship dynamic and the context of him reciprocating loving actions, such as rubbing soap and confessing his love to her, made it clear that there was consent. However, she emphasizes that what was right for their relationship in this context isn’t right for everyone.  

Wanda learned to take her pleasure into her own hands and recognized how to take care of herself in a healthy way.  

Dealing with Grief  

While Wanda battled with grief during this time period, noticing Joe’s happiness, she learned to be in the moment and savor it. Although she experienced grief with every change that occurred, and then some more, later on, she stayed present with him. Wanda’s book is used in her husband Steven’s therapy practice called, “Care for Caregivers”, where they focus on how caregivers feel and deal with their loved one’s disease.  

Parting Words  

Wanda’s book addresses caregiving for everyone including mothers, children, spouses, or those with full-time jobs. It applies to everyone, including people of the LQBTQ+ community who are in a loving partnered relationship with a partner diagnosed with a life-threatening disease. She leaves us with parting words, urging people to stay and live in the moment with their loved ones even when it’s difficult to assume a role.  

Biography  

Wanda offers a fresh new approach to ISGC with her memoir, “White Knight: Living with Alzheimer’s Moment by Moment”, and her warm counseling style. She makes caregiving a personal experience and enjoys sharing her life-gained wisdom and experience with others. In addition to the day-to-day management of our center as an Office Manager, Wanda is the founder and leader of our cutting-edge group, Care for Caregivers Group, based upon her book. She designed this group to enable people to become their own “White Knight” through learning and practicing self-care methods, as well as a positive, stay-in-the-moment philosophy, and to apply these principles to their work with loved ones who need their care. “You have to take care of yourself first!” This group is also for professional caregivers; it’s our experience that all caregivers need support. Wanda also co-leads our Monterey Transitional Support Group for the Transgender Community and our Sacred Sexuality/Tantra workshops for those seeking a closer connection with themselves and their beloved.  

More info:  

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/188-when-your-partner-has-alzheimers-wanda-braveman

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Martha Kauppi joins me in talking about her book, “Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients)” which acts as an aid for therapists and serves as a self-help manual for people who are considering polyamory or encountering problems around polyamory.  

What is polyamory?
Martha defines polyamory as an open relationship where some or all partners have agreed to have more than one romantic and/or sexual partner. Her book caters to all forms of ethical non-monogamous relationships; even the ones that might have started out rocky.  

Is polyamory an identity or a choice?  
Martha believes polyamory could be an identity for some and a choice for others. While some consider it something that they choose, others identify themselves as polyamorous because they’ve always known that their relationship dynamic would involve more than one intimate partner. For some, their choice could later develop to be an identity.  

Martha says that people choose to be polyamorous for several reasons; they could want to explore their sexuality, a kink, a fetish, or a desire discrepancy that they could not explore with their partner. To resolve the problems in their relationship and fulfill their desires at the same time, people find polyamory a logical option.  

The benefits of polyamory  
While polyamory allows someone to have multiple partners and experience different kinds of sex, it’s also an opportunity to form a supportive and caring family. People develop communication skills and endurance in a polyamorous relationship, and along the way, it opens one up to personal, relational, and emotional growth. Martha’s book addresses these topics and offers strategies to improve and apply these skills in and outside of the relationship.  

Pitfalls and how to overcome them  
Martha says that coercion is one of the biggest pitfalls. To avoid it, one has to figure out what they want, feel, or value beyond just the terms of polyamory or monogamy, but what they represent to their partner, and how to come to a place where they can advocate for themself. It eliminates the possibility of being pushed into saying yes but also allows one to expand their thinking and consider all options. Unlike monogamy, in polyamory, people are not subjected to choose between who to pursue. People can choose both or many and decide the dynamics of each relationship.  

Emotional regulation and jealousy  
Emotional self-regulation helps manage difficult emotions that are triggered in polyamory, such as jealousy. While co-regulation is seen often it’s not always reliable. Martha emphasizes that one has to decide to manage these emotions, and then have an honest and open conversation to address things before they’re revealed in a way that can’t be avoided.  

How to make strong agreements  
Skills in ‘differentiation of self’ aid in making strong and sustainable agreements. A strong agreement is one that all partners agree on and revisit before it’s broken. It’s more important to figure out how to make a strong agreement one at a time than having one at all.  

Martha encourages people to find a therapist who is willing to work with them to develop skills that make it possible to have a relationship that they desire.  

Biography:  

Martha Kauppi is a marriage and family therapist, educator, and AASECT-certified sex therapist and supervisor with a lifelong career in health and sexuality. Martha specializes in working at the intersection of sex and relational issues. She creates and presents educational materials that are based on theory and scientific knowledge while also being practical, effective, and immediately applicable by therapists and their clients.  

Resources and links:  

Website: https://instituteforrelationalintimacy.com/about/

Book: Polyamory: A Clinical Toolkit for Therapists (and Their Clients) – released on 15 May 2021. Available at Rowman & Littlefield, Amazon, and in UK outlets  

More info:  

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass



Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Infidelity looks a lot more complicated in the cyber world. Dr. Peter Kanaris joins me to unravel what constitutes cyber infidelity, the recovery approaches involved, and ways to rebuild trust.

Relationships in the Digital Age  
Dr. Kanaris views the digital age as a “relationship accelerator” wherein the connections are made just as fast as they are broken. The digital age expedites and exposes every part of life that would otherwise be revealed slowly.  

What is cyber infidelity?  
Dr. Kanaris says that all infidelity in today’s age is cyber infidelity, as contact through technology is inevitable in the relationship in today’s age. Infidelity looks different in the 21st century than it did before. He calls it AAAP – Accessibility, Affordability, Anonymity, Portability. Technology has made it easier to seek infidelity without actively looking for it.  

I and i-infidelity  
Capital I-infidelity is violating agreements partners have about what they find acceptable to do or watch, such as electronic or face-to-face involvement, porn, sex, involvement of feelings, etc. Lower case i-infidelity is when involvement with technology takes over your priorities and responsibilities towards your partner but not necessarily anything sexual. Dr. Kanaris advises partners to have an honest conversation about what is acceptable and what is not acceptable in the relationship.  

I-Infidelity and sex addiction  
Sex addictions are not scientifically accepted in the professional world as they are popular in the media. Instead, Dr. Kanaris works with the model of ‘out of control sexual behaviors’ to help someone be in charge of their sexual wellness. However, for someone who chooses to cheat, he suggests a psychological approach to determine the underlying cause.  

What to do once you see the red flags?
When you see red flags like catching your partner watching porn or sexting somebody else, Dr. Kanaris suggests having an open yet non-accusatory conversation about boundaries and what you’re uncomfortable with. If you’re still met with defensive behavior, it’s time to look further.  

Recovery and rebuilding trust  
The first step is to understand that technology poses challenges. Then address any out-of-control behaviors if there are any. The partners should then ‘collaborate and cooperate’ to manage technology in their relationships. When the conflict arises, Dr. Kanaris suggests employing externalization of the problem rather than looking at the problem from within the person. To rebuild trust, instead of going back to the blind faith model, Dr. Kanaris talks about an evidence-based model. Here, the partner who broke the trust takes initiative to be transparent and reassuring even if it costs them their privacy for the time being.  

Tune in to find out what more ways there are on the path to recovery.  

Biography

Dr. Peter Kanaris holds a doctorate in Clinical and School Psychology from Hofstra University. He is an N.Y.S. licensed psychologist and the American Association of Sex Educators, Counselors, and Therapists certifies him as a Diplomate of Sex Therapy. He is a Distinguished Fellow of the New York State Psychological Association. He is a graduate Post-Doctoral Fellow of the Albert Ellis Institute in NYC where he served as a senior clinician, training supervisor, and faculty member  

Dr. Kanaris has served as the Public Education Campaign Coordinator for the American Psychological Association in New York State. He has been the featured guest on many live interviews and call-in television programs where he has discussed a variety of topics on relationships and sexuality. He has appeared on radio programs from San Francisco to New York and has given numerous Internet, newspaper, and magazine interviews discussing topics in sexuality and mental health.  

As Clinical Director of Hewlett Consultation Center from 1981 through 1999, Dr. Kanaris’ responsibilities included psychotherapy, sex, and marital counseling, and coordination of clinical services, professional training, and public education. Since 2000, Dr. Kanaris has directed the Sexual Diagnostic Program at his office in Smithtown, New York.  

Resources and links  

Website: https://cyberinfidelityhelp.com/

Free guide to infidelity in the digital age: https://cyberinfidelityhelp.com/infidelity-in-the-digital-age/

More info:  

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want sex again without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/186-cyber-infidelity-with-dr-peter-kanaris

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

For all of the women who have ever wanted to feel sexy again; Dr. Brandye Manigat joins me in talking about cultivating pleasure and desire and reconnecting with one’s libido. She shares her insights and discoveries throughout her journey of becoming a Women’s Pleasure Coach.

Her personal experience around low libido, as well as a lack of public information surrounding the topic, motivated Dr. Manigat to go from being an OB/GYN to a Women’s Pleasure Coach, helping women to achieve lasting change in the perception of their bodies and desire.

Teaching People About Arousal and Desire

Dr. Manigat’s teaching around arousal and desire involves having a conversation with the client about what their thoughts and ideas about sex and pleasure are, and where they stem from. These ideas are often learned through family and culture and are influenced by movies. Having a conversation about what an orgasm means to them and the steps they can take to consistently have an orgasm can help women to erase insecurities and achieve pleasure.

When to Get Help?

Dr. Manigat urges people to seek help when the lack of desire disrupts daily life. Sex drive is inconsistent through various stages of life; having kids, divorce, pre-menopause, menopause, etcetera. Though women can be technically diagnosed with Hypoactive sexual desire disorder (HSDD), not all women meet the criteria. This does not mean that they should not get help.

How to get in touch with desire?

Dr. Manigat recommends journaling as a way to untangle one’s thoughts and emotions. She gives prompts to clients, such as what makes them feel sexy outside the bedroom. These prompts reveal things that could be practiced in everyday life, which helps transition pleasure both in and out of the bedroom.

Low Libido at Different Ages

Menopause doesn’t necessarily cause low libido; however, you could experience low libido for the same reasons as before, such as fatigue and interrupted sleep, which causes depression, which in turn affects the libido. Medication taken during menopause could also lower libido. Young women could overcome low libido by reconnecting with their partner through meaningful conversations about dreams, sexual experiences, new fantasies and attempting to rekindle their intimacy.

Approaches to Help Women Struggling With Orgasms

Dr. Manigat advises women to educate themselves about their anatomy and multiple pleasure points and how to stimulate them to orgasm. Furthermore, she also emphasizes people being present and mindful during sex, to focus on any of the five senses to keep you in the present. Women who have never had an orgasm can educate themselves about the different ways orgasms manifest and the sensations one would feel.

Take Away

She leaves us with a valuable affirmation, saying, “You are worthy and deserving of pleasure. You don’t have to work to earn it, it’s not something you’ve to strive for.”

Biography

Dr. Brandye Wilson-Manigat, MD, also known as “Dr. Brandye”, is among the country’s well-known physicians. As a board-certified OB/GYN and Women’s Pleasure Coach, she brings a unique approach to women’s sexual health, achieving a holistic integration of the physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual elements of you. This creates lasting positive change in how you view yourself, your body, and your pleasure. She is called upon by various local and national media outlets to give a fresh perspective and new information on women’s health trends.

Dr. Brandye is the founder and chief medical advisor for DrBrandyeMD.com, where she has created a safe space to discuss real-world strategies to help women learn the truth about sex and orgasms and embrace their feminine essence, and feel good both inside and outside of the bedroom. Her book, “My O My! A Committed Woman’s Guide to Getting the Great Sex She Deserves”, is an Amazon #1 Bestseller and has helped numerous women to live their Best. Sex. Life. Ever!

Resources and Links:

Website: https://drbrandyemd.com/

Bio hacks pdf- https://biohacksforbettersex.com

Sessions: https://drbrandyemd.com/services/

Book: In My O My: A Committed Woman’s Guide to Getting the Great Sex She Deserves

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/185-cultivating-female-desire-dr-brandye-manigat

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Dr. Rachel Needle joins me in a discussion about anorgasmia. We speak about how it manifests, what we can do about it, and if it’s something that can be turned around. We answer questions that most of us have asked at one point or other in our lives.  

What is anorgasmia?
Dr. Rachel defines anorgasmia as ‘a sexual dysfunction characterized by a persistent or recurrent delay in the absence of achieving an orgasm. Some women with anorgasmia have never had an orgasm, and others have experienced a delay. She says that 5 – 10% of biological women have life-long anorgasmia, whilst others have orgasms depending on the situation or the person. She addresses anorgasmia by studying the person’s sexual and relationship history.

What does an orgasm feel like?  
Dr. Rachel says that one can recognize an orgasm when one has an involuntary muscle contraction. It can be felt throughout the whole body and can sometimes cause you to lose control of your body. However, recognizing it can depend on whether you’re focused enough to experience all of the sensations that are leading up to it.

Struggles with orgasm & treatment options
She talks about the importance of exploring and experimenting with your body. We miss different sensations when distracted and when we’re thinking only about orgasming. Communicating your needs to your partner and practicing mindfulness can help one to be in the moment. She gives some effective tips to keep yourself and your partner engaged throughout.

Women who have trauma related to sex are prone to life-long anorgasmia. This makes it difficult to be vulnerable during sex; obstructing arousal and orgasm. Biological issues, medications, and the kind of language we use are some contributing factors that can prolong arousal and orgasms.

Acquired and situational anorgasmia
People with acquired anorgasmia used to have normal orgasms, but now cannot. Dr. Rachel suggests figuring out and understanding what and how things have changed since the diagnosis. Those with situational anorgasmia might have difficulty reaching orgasm with one partner, but not face the same difficulty with another partner. They could easily reach an orgasm by themselves, but not with a partner. This happens when one is not comfortable letting themselves be vulnerable experiencing things with a certain partner.

Faking an Orgasm

Dr. Rachel urges people to focus on figuring out how they can achieve an actual orgasm. Instead of telling your partner that you’re faking it, communicate with them about trying new things until you are comfortable enough to experience the orgasm.

Biography

Dr. Rachel Needle is a Licensed Psychologist and Certified Sex Therapist in private practice and the founder and executive director of the Whole Health Psychological Center, comprehensive psychological practice with therapists with a broad range of specialty areas. Dr. Needle is an Adjunct Professor of Psychology in the Department of Behavioral Sciences, in the masters in forensic psychology, and the Doctorate in Criminal Justice programs at Nova Southeastern University. She is the founder and CEO of the Advanced Mental Health Training Institute and Co-Director of Modern Sex Therapy Institutes which provide continuing education to Mental Health and Medical professionals and Sex Therapists around the world.

Dr. Needle has specialized training in the area of substance use disorder. She is a professional consultant to facilities specializing in the treatment of substance use disorders and assists them in expanding and enhancing clinical programming. She also does expert training for staff members at residential and outpatient facilities that specialize in alcohol and substance abuse. Dr. Needle is a business coach and consultant and helps therapists build and thrive in private practice both in-person and online! She is the co-owner of My Private Practice Collective which offers a course on how to start, grow, and thrive in private practice.

Resources and links

Website: drrachel.com  

Practice: wholehealthpsych.com

Training & certifications: modernsextherapyinstitutes.com  

Email: drrachelneedle@gmail.com

More information

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want sex again without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/184-anorgasmia-in-women-dr-rachel-needle

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Tammy brings her journey with Lichen Sclerosus and the experiences of many other women to light in this episode. We hear everything about what it’s like to live with Lichen Sclerosus, its challenges, treatment options, and how to get support.

What is Lichen Sclerosus?
Lichen Sclerosus is an autoimmune condition where the body attacks itself. It is thought to be genetic. It usually occurs in the genitals, but can also affect other areas of the body, where it can cause itching and discoloration on the wrist, inner thighs and stomach. Lichen Sclerosus affects young and old women.

Tammy’s history with Lichen Sclerosus
Tammy started experiencing extreme itching and burning beginning in her 20s. Others may experience visual symptoms like white patches of skin. At the age of 44, she was diagnosed with Lichen Sclerosus after doing a punch biopsy. She believes stress and genetics played a role in her diagnosis. Shame and discomfort made it harder for her to find the right diagnosis and thus she emphasizes the importance of finding the right doctor.

Impact on sex life
Tammy warns people against looking up their condition online. She talks about how many women go through this process with unsupportive partners. Other than sexual and mental issues that make sex difficult, pain is a big factor. It can change the way your vulva looks when the labia of both sides fuse and are sometimes absorbed entirely. The vaginal opening can shrink, causing sex to be incredibly painful. Clitoral phimosis is a condition when your clitoral hood fuses with the clitoris making it less sensitive. Other than affecting your sex life directly, it makes even performing menial tasks extremely painful.  

Treatment options for Lichen Sclerosus
Talking about her history, Tammy says she started off using triamcinolone, a moderate steroid. Clobetasol cream and ointment is the most common treatment that’s specifically used for Lichen Sclerosus. Hydrocortisone is used to soothe itching. She talks about the “Mona Lisa touch” used by Dr. Andrew Goldstein who uses a specific machine to improve collagen production. While it may seem like a dermatological issue, many doctors don’t seem to know much about it.

Impact on Mental health
This grueling process in which women receive little support is hard on their mental health and sexual health. Tammy says the process of finding the right diagnosis takes its toll. The shame and embarrassment around Lichen Sclerosus can be helped by having a supportive partner.

Available support
Women with Lichen Sclerosus are at a higher risk of getting vulvar intraepithelial neoplasia and other autoimmune conditions. Tammy found a supportive environment for women who have both Lichen Sclerosus and intimacy issues in Facebook support groups. While finding support and acceptance of Lichen Sclerosus is hard, it’s helpful to be surrounded by people going through the same thing on this journey.

More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/183-personal-story-living-with-lichen-sclerosus-tammy

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Tammy Nelson, the author of the book When You’re The One Who Cheats, joins me to talk about cheating and infidelity from the point of the cheater. She offers her interesting insight on why people cheat, what it’s like to be cheated on, and the recovery process.  

Is it Infidelity?
Tammy defines infidelity as forming a relationship outside of your primary partnership; a relationship with a sexual context such as flirting online or paying a sex worker, in which you are dishonest about these relationships with your primary partner. The pandemic has caused an increase in online infidelity. People cheat for various reasons, but Tammy says that defining what infidelity means to you can help to start a conversation with your partner and can establish an agreement of implicit monogamy.

Kinds of Infidelity  
While some people cheat to break up, for others, it’s a wake-up call to turn something around in their relationship. In Tammy’s words, “People rarely look for someone to cheat with, they look for someone to be.” Only 7% of affairs end up in marriage with the other person, while most affairs don’t last longer than a year. People who choose to make it work after the affair should acknowledge their changed relationship and incorporate their needs and desires into the new relationship to avoid another affair or any resentment.

Recovering from Infidelity
Before sharing anything with family or friends, it’s best to deal with the trauma in the conflict/crisis phase. The partners should process everything, from how it happened to how they’ve changed, in the insight phase. In the vision phase, the partners make decisions about moving forward. The goal of recovery is not to forgive, but to work on building a new sex life that is fulfilling. She points out red flags that people need to look out for before deciding to move forward.

Should You Tell Your Partner?
A partner who confesses to an affair after it’s over to feel good about themselves, knowing it could devastate their partner, is selfish. Many feel that they would want to know if their partner ever cheats, Tammy suggests, considering the extent of information you would want to know.

How to Avoid Cheating
Tammy believes people also cheat because they have experienced developmental challenges of a second adolescence and seek to evolve their personalities. They rebel against their partners as they did with their parents. To avoid cheating, partners can work through this stage together to reinvent themselves and have fun. She also advises seeking therapy and outside support to grieve the end of the relationship instead of using your partner for it.

Advice
Tammy advises us to differentiate between intuition and fear because intuition allows us to trust and move forward.

Biography

Tammy Nelson Ph.D. is a Board Certified Sexologist, an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist, a Certified Imago relationship therapist, a Licensed Professional Counselor, and Executive Director of the Integrative Sex Therapy Institute as well as Director of the Ph.D. program in Counseling and Sex Therapy at Daybreak University in Southern California. She is the author of several books including Integrative Sex and Couples Therapy, When You’re the One Who Cheats, The New Monogamy, Getting the Sex You Want, and What’s Eating You? Her latest book Open Monogamy will be released in November 2021 with Sounds True Publishing. Her work has been featured in the Wall Street Journal, NY Times Magazine, CNN, Rolling Stone, and Time Magazine. She is a TEDx speaker and host of the podcast The Trouble with Sex. She is in private practice in Los Angeles CA.

Resources and Links:

Website: https://drtammynelson.com

Podcast: https://www.thetroublewithsex.com/podcast

Book – When You’re The One Who Cheats: https://www.amazon.com/dp/1999481003/

Email Tammy and get your free E-book! https://drtammynelson.com/contact/

More info

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want sex again without it feeling like a chore: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/182-when-youre-the-one-who-cheated-tammy-nelson

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Dr. Irwin Goldstein, the founder of field of sexual medicine, joins me in the conversation about female sexual pain. He drives the talk with tons of fascinating information about sexual pain, including what are the different categories, common causes, and treatment options.

The prevalence of female sexual pain
Within the last month, 1/3rd of women reported experiencing sexual pain or some form of discomfort during sex, while only 2% to 7% of men reported sexual dysfunction or secondary pain.  He urges women to ensure they find the correct medical professional and find answers to their questions as he has found many women go untreated due to misdiagnosis.

Dr. Goldstein best categorizes various kinds of sexual pain by the area it originates. The pain in the vulva is diagnosed as vulvodynia. However the vestibule is often overlooked as the source of pain, and more than 90% of the time is misdiagnosed as vulvodynia.

Hormonally Mediated Vestibulodynia
Dr. Goldstein warns against birth control pills as they have harmful side effects that can eventually affect your sex life.  He urges women to consider other birth control methods like Long-acting reversible contraceptives (LARC) – IUDs, Nexplanon and Implanon contraceptive implants, and progesterone. He further informs that The American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists and The American Academy of Pediatrics no longer consider birth control pills as the leading method of contraception.

Causes in Older Women and Treatment Options
For older women over 40, the hormonal challenges of menopause are a leading cause of pain. He mentions that women go through two stages of menopause, where the first one causes low testosterone levels and the latter causes low estrogen levels. He shares available treatment options for this.

Other Common Causes and Treatment Options
Among other causes, Dr. Goldstein talks about Neuroproliferative vestibulodynia, a condition where women suffer from life-long pain. Monistat is the number one medicine women use that causes neuroproliferative vestibulodynia. The only treatment option available is surgically removing the vestibule, which has an 80% cure rate and is completely non-disfiguring.  

Tune in for valuable advice that can make a huge difference in your life.

Background

Dr. Goldstein has been involved with sexual dysfunction research since the late 1970s. He has authored more than 350 publications as well as multiple book chapters and edited 6 textbooks in the field. His interests include penile microvascular bypass surgery, surgery for dyspareunia, sexual health management post-cancer treatment, genital dysesthesia/persistent genital arousal disorder, physiologic investigation of sexual function in men and women, and diagnosis and treatment of sexual dysfunction in men and women.

Dr. Goldstein is Director of Sexual Medicine at Alvarado Hospital, Clinical Professor of Surgery at the University of California, San Diego, and practices medicine at San Diego Sexual Medicine. He is also Editor-in-Chief of Sexual Medicine Reviews and past Editor of The Journal of Sexual Medicine. He is a Past President of the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health and of the Sexual Medicine Society of North America. He holds a degree in engineering from Brown University and received his medical degree from McGill University.

The World Association for Sexual Health awarded the Gold Medal to Dr. Goldstein in 2009 in recognition of his lifelong contributions to the field, 2012 he received the International Society for the Study of Women’s Sexual Health Award for Distinguished Service in Women’s Sexual Health, in 2013 he received the Lifetime Achievement Award from the Sexual Medicine Society of North America, and in 2014 he received the ISSM Lifetime Achievement Award from the International Society for Sexual Medicine. He is happily married to his college sweetheart Sue, and together they have three children and five grandchildren.

Resources and Links:

National Vulvodynia Association: https://www.nva.org/

International society for the study of women’s sexual health: https://www.isswsh.org/

Book: When Sex Hurts: A Woman’s Guide to Banishing Sexual Pain

Schedule a Courtesy Call with San Diego Sexual Medicine :

http://sandiegosexualmedicine.com/courtesy-call



More info:

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to want more sex without it feeling like a chore: https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/181-when-sex-hurts-dr-irwin-goldstein

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Dr. Betty Martin, the author of the new book, The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent, is highlighting the importance of giving and receiving and maintaining that balance in sexual relationships. Today, we get to hear about what it means to set boundaries, follow consent, and how all of that comes into play in terms of taking care of oneself.

Why is it important to be selfish sometimes?

While giving to your partner and thinking about their needs is an important part of the sexual relationship, being stuck in that position and being deprived of your own needs is not sustainable. It’s an opportunity taken away from your partner to give, and an opportunity that you are missing to receive. The relationship becomes strained when your partner has to figure out what to give, and things only become worse when they do it wrong. There has to be a balance of giving and receiving.

Dr. Betty’s Wheel of Consent takes apart the acts of giving and receiving and allows each aspect to be examined individually. In real life, it is not necessary to do these things one at a time, but this practice allows you and your partner to understand each other’s needs.

Why are we so poorly equipped to receive?

The reason that we’re programmed to not receive touch as we are supposed to, is because we assume receiving to be ‘done to’ us. Since touch is given to us, we assume that we’re supposed to like it, and from that, confusion arises about what’s wrong with us for not liking it. According to Dr Betty, this confusion began during our childhood when things happened that we didn’t like. Things such as changing diapers, noses being wiped, being picked up, going to bed early; our bodies were taught that there was nothing that we could do about it.

Since then, this dislike has been reinforced by things ‘being done to us against our will in ways that we didn’t like or didn’t want’. On the other hand, we keep giving ‘touch’ in a way that we think other people like without ever asking how they’d like to be touched, either because it’s an awkward conversation to have, or because the thought to ask has never occurred to us.

How can people get better at giving and receiving?

For one to get better at giving and receiving, Betty suggests going through her book and following the processes stated in the book, beginning with the 3-Minute Game. In this game, one must give to their partner for three minutes, and then their partner must give to them for three minutes. She suggests starting with areas that don’t feel too sexy so that you can give yourself space to notice those areas and ask for what you want. Over time the game becomes more natural, and every time you play, you can discover something new about what you like or what you don’t like. More than touching itself, observing what you want and asking for it is key.

Negotiating Boundaries and Limits

Dr. Betty urges people to say no without adding any polite justification if they don’t feel comfortable doing something. If you’re not entirely against the idea, she suggests negotiating the parts you want to do and the parts you don’t want to with your partner, such as telling your partner to touch an area, but not tickle it. She emphasizes the importance of setting limits. By setting those limits, you can be playful within those limits without the worry that your partner is going to do something you don’t like.

She encourages people to listen for the ‘pull and not the push’ while considering their partner’s request. If they suggest something edgy, you can decide to try it if it feels like it could be fun, even though it’s edgy. However, if you’re telling yourself to do it simply because you don’t want to let your partner down, then it’s better to simply say no.

Biography

Dr. Betty Martin has had her hands on people professionally for over 40 years as a chiropractor, and upon retiring from that practice, became a certified Surrogate Partner, Sacred Intimate and Somatic Sex Educator. Her explorations in somatic-based therapy and practices informed her and allowed for her creation of the framework, The Wheel of Consent®.

As part of her work with the School of Consent, Betty travels around the world, teaching practitioners how to create empowered agreements in their client sessions in her highly sought-after training, “Like A Pro: The Wheel of Consent for Practitioners.” Originally developed as an offering to teach much-needed consent skills to sex workers and touch providers, this training is now attended by somatic therapists, massage therapists, sexuality educators, medical and health care workers, activists, human resources folks, and the spectrum of touch-based professional providers – all of whom complete the training with a clear understanding of how consent starts with our own bodies, and then expands outwards into all forms of human relating, with or without touch.

Resources and Links:

Website: https://bettymartin.org/
Book (Get your free chapter!): https://wheelofconsentbook.com/
Workshops: https://www.schoolofconsent.org/

More info:

Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice
Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com
Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/180-wheel-of-consent-dr-betty-martin

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Michael Bader, the author of the book Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies joins me in a fascinating conversation about sexual fantasies. We get to hear his ideas about sexual fantasies and what they mean.

Decoding Sexual Fantasies

Michael recognized the need for an applicable approach to sexual fantasies to help patients with their shame and guilt surrounding their sexual fantasies and preferences. His arguments originated from a theory from Joseph Weiss. Michael argues that sexual fantasies are constructed to express our sexual desires and arousals in a way that is acceptable to our guilty conscience.

Michael gives an instance of dominance and submission, and the fantasy of having or giving up control over our sexual stimulation. That control could look like a masochistic fantasy or desiring partners with a rough exterior or self-centered. Curating this fantasy is exciting because ‘they don’t have to feel guilty about hurting the other person.’ A person assuming the role of a dominant knows that they are going to assume control over this person and that person would feel aroused by it and not be hurt and the same goes for the person assuming the submissive role. This fantasy dissolves the guilt of hurting each other. Sexual fantasies are strategies that our mind unconsciously develops to allow us to free our sexual excitement from things like guilt.

The Purpose of Sexual Fantasies and their role

Michael believes a person’s sexual fantasies act as a window into their unconscious psyche. When a person harbors feelings of guilt, shame, or responsibility for another person’s wellbeing, it inhibits the person’s sexual desires and thus resulting in the development of sexual fantasies to avoid such feelings. These inhibited sexual desires can interfere with other aspects of life. In the consulting room, when we analyze these sexual fantasies what we discover is “the revelation of someone’s core beliefs’’, which show up in the other parts of life and not just sexually. Analyzing these sexual fantasies can help the patient’s guilt and shame around their desires and also inspect the roots of their beliefs that caused their sexual fantasies.

Sexual Fantasies Are Not Meant To Be Changed

As long as there’s an innate need for attachment, the feelings of worry, care, responsibility, and guilt towards loved ones will be present. These needs tend to almost always show up in people’s sex lives. There won’t ever be a time where people will stop feeling these that stem from our core needs. And since sexual fantasies arise to overcome those feelings, they will always be needed as a way to express our sexual desires.

Are there Problematic Fantasies?

Every fantasy is enjoyed by somebody. Porn has tons of types of pornography for every population and some of the unpopular categories wouldn’t exist if there weren’t people to consume it. The problems with these fantasies coming true are they produce porn and sex addicts that take people away from being emotionally and sexually present in relationships and marriages. These fantasies could be anything.

Talking about limits to our sexual fantasy, Michael says, unless our sexual fantasies take us away from being psychologically present, being aligned with our values, and doing something meaningful from other people, sexual fantasies are not problematic. Michael also believes sexual fantasies that are illegal in reality are not problematic to think about unless they’re acted even slightly in any way.

Biography

Michael Bader, DMH is a psychologist and psychoanalyst with over 40 years of clinical experience in the San Francisco Bay Area. He has written extensively about the interaction of psychology, culture, and politics and has produced a podcast – Mysteries of the Mind—about these issues. He is the author of Arousal: The Secret Logic of Sexual Fantasies, and Male Sexuality: Why Women Don’t Understand It, and Men Don’t Either.

Resources and Links:

Website: https://michaelbader.com/
Books: https://michaelbader.com/books/
Other Publications: https://michaelbader.com/writings/

More info:

Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice
Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com
The Course – https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com
The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/179-the-logic-of-our-fantasies-with-michael-bader

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Dr. Gapin defines ED as an inability to attain an erection that is satisfactory for intercourse; however, he points out the subjectivity of an erection and brings down the definition to “an inability to have satisfactory intercourse”. He distinguished ED from performance anxiety by addressing the psychological component of a person’s psyche that acts up when one worries and develops anxiety over underperforming.  

Various causes of ED
He distinguished various causes of Erectile Dysfunction into four categories and briefly talked about the disorders that could cause these dysfunctions.  

Disruption of normal nervous function
Disrupted blood flow to the penis
Hypogonadism, thyroid, hyperlysinemia from poorly controlled diabetes, and hypercortisolemia from chronic stress.
Cognitive component plays an important part in erectile function. According to Dr. Gapin, stress can act as a disruptive component in a person’s life driving them away from the thought of sex.
Evaluating ED
Dr. Gapin addresses the systems-based approach that is followed in healthcare practice. He alerts people to recognize the multiple components that could cause ED before trying to fix it with a pill. He promotes the human systems approach with his patients where he understands and addresses the sleep patterns, stress, vascular health, hormones, and all other factors that could affect erectile function. He advocates adjusting to healthy nutrition and change in lifestyle to reverse the effects of ED by improving glycemic control, weight loss all of which have an effect on energy, hormones, and cortisol which ultimately come down to sexual health.

Improving erectile function by improving six areas of health
Dr. Tracy emphasizes improving six areas of health – Nutrition, sleep, mindset and stress, hormones, detox, and fitness to ultimately improve erectile function. While quantity is an important factor of sleep, he focuses on the quality of sleep. Poor sleep is said to raise cortisol levels and blood sugar, make you store fat, and lower testosterone levels ultimately affecting sexual function. He counsels on following a healthy diet by following an individualized plan on what foods to eat and avoid, as genetics play a big role in nutrition. As stress is an important component that men take up about various aspects of their lives, he emphasizes practicing gratitude and mindfulness by the following meditation and breathing through the nose. In the area of fitness, Dr. Tracy recommends strength training, cardio, low-intensity activities, and stretching. For more than 50% of men, improving their health in all the above areas will profoundly improve their sexual function.

Treatment options  
Dr. Tracy talks about “band-aid treatment” including oral medications and intracavernosal injectables. Commonly used oral medications are Viagra and Cialis and they last from 24-48 hours depending on the medication. Intracavernosal injectables like trimix, bimix, or quad mix are taught to be directly injected into the penis and it gives an erection for up to two hours. These treatments are short-term fixes and won’t fix the underlying cause.  

Fixing the underlying cause will help in improving the blood flow to the penis for the long term. He suggests a Vacuum pump that acts as an actual vacuum by sucking the blood into the penis to create an erection. A penis ring can be used to maintain the erection and to help with penis compression. It’s a non-invasive procedure, and he recommends using it 10-15 minutes every day to have a profound effect.  

Two of the regenerative treatments are gain wave and PRP. Gainswave is a low-intensity shock wave therapy used to focus the shock waves at a specific point under the skin to cause neovascularization and angiogenesis to create new blood vessels in the penis. It’s done by stimulating stem cells and growth factors to produce new blood vessels and can be done over 8 to 10 sessions. Platelet-rich plasma (PRP) is when you draw a patient’s blood to separate the layer of platelets and growth factor and inject it in five different spots on the penis to stimulate stem cells and growth factors to produce new blood vessels. It’s done in a single session.  

Dr. Tracy talks about Penile Implant as a last resort. It’s a surgical procedure done by placing an inflatable cylinder-like device into the penis which can be manually pumped to stimulate saline to go from a reservoir placed in the belly into the cylinder to create an erection. He explains several downsides to the procedure like a slight penis shortening, losing sensitivity, losing the feel of a natural erection, and damaging the chances of ever having a natural erection.

Testosterone Pandemic
Dr. Tracy opens us up to some shocking numbers of drop in testosterone levels and fertility levels over the last 30 years. He talks about the chemicals and endocrine disruptors in the environment that are decreasing the hormones, causing immune disease, obesity, infertility, hormone issues, and cancers. He points out the difficulty in avoiding those as they are present everywhere in our food products, plastic water bottles, packaging containers, household cleaning products, personal care products- shampoo, deodorant, cologne, sunscreen, soap, etc. To curb the effects, he says we need to teach and learn how to minimize exposure to these chemicals.

Biography  

Tracy Gapin, MD, FACS is a board-certified urologist, world-renowned men’s health & performance expert, best-selling author, and professional speaker. He has over 20 years of experience focused on providing Fortune 500 executives, entrepreneurs, and athletes a personalized path to optimizing their health and performance.

Dr. Gapin incorporates precision hormone optimization, peptide therapy, state-of-the-art biometric tracking, epigenetic coaching, and cutting-edge age management protocols to help men not just optimize their testosterone levels but radically upgrade their health and vitality and reverse aging, so they can be the most amazing version of themselves.

Resources and Links:

Website: https://drtracygapin.com/

Free copy of the book – Male 2.0: http://drtracygapin.com/limitless

More info:

Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/178-holistic-approaches-to-erectile-dysfunction-dr-tracy-gapin

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Dr. Lamia Gabal is a Urologist with a sub-specialty in Female Pelvic Medicine and Reconstructive Surgery. She talks about all kinds of concerns women bring to a Urologist, information about the treatment options, and how to go about it.  

Sexual issues that bring women to urologists

Women come to urologists for various kinds of sexual concerns. While traditionally urologists were thought to be “Male gynecologists”, Dr Lamia says urologists deal with much more than that. Women come with issues of Urinary Incontinence, Urinary Tract Infection, orgasmic dysfunction, female sexual dysfunction, libido issues, and more. Many women who come with these concerns back away from having sex with their partners because of the embarrassment they feel around it. Sometimes fixing their medical problems also helps them with their sex lives. While male concerns around this subject are already well understood and treated, female sexual dysfunction has only received a “trash can diagnosis”, says Dr. Lamia. There are several types of female sexual dysfunctions and each needs to be treated accordingly.

Urologists also deal with hormonal changes and core dysfunction. Thinning of vaginal tissue as women age can also lead to sexual dysfunction. Pelvic organs prolapse after childbirth can also lead to sexual dysfunction and can be painful.

Medical concerns that drive women away from having sex

There’s an overlap of urologists and gynecologists in the sub-specialty of female pelvic medicine and reconstructive surgery, with each performing their roles. However, not all urologists or gynecologists specialize in the field Dr Lamia does. She categorizes the kinds of concerns patients come in by their age. While most of her patients are post-childbirth age, she also treats young women who come in with issues of painful sex which could be pelvic floor dysfunction or dyspareunia and is usually associated with sexual trauma or PTSD. Women who are of child-bearing age often come in with recurring Urinary Tract infections. Women who are getting older and are past having kids struggle with pelvic organ prolapse, urinary incontinence, and fecal incontinence. All the concerns Dr. Lamia mentioned can drive women away from having sex or from having a satisfying sex life.

According to Dr. Lamia’s advice, women who experience Urinary Tract Infections that have constipation, pelvic prolapse, and vaginal atrophy (thinning of vaginal tissues) should consult a urologist.  

Where does sex intersect in terms of conversations with patients?  

As a doctor, there’s no training you get in medical school that prepares you to have these conversations about sex with your patients. It’s often one’s interest to seek out more information and awareness that leads to these conversations with patients. Dr Lamia says it’s important to talk about sex with their patients to provide better health care, it aids in understanding how it affects their body and to make important decisions. However, most doctors don’t have these conversations for reasons of not having enough time or not being comfortable enough. Sometimes because of the assumption that an older patient might not be sexually active, which should not be done.

Pelvic Organ Prolapse – treatment options

Pelvic Organ Prolapse commonly occurs after childbirth and is more common with vaginal deliveries. All of these factors put pressure on organs making them lean into the vaginal wall. It increases the risk of urinary incontinence, fecal incontinence, and UTIs, and the most severe case can cause kidney dysfunction. It can be treated by “Pessary” which delays or prevents the need for surgery. Surgeries like cystocele repair, rectocele repair, and slings for incontinence are also an option, but patients can expect them to be redone after 15-20 years. It can impede sexual intercourse when the patient is constipated or something else. The surgery fixes vaginal laxity caused by this which can benefit sexual intercourse for both partners.

Treatment options for Urinary Tract Infections

To treat Urinary Tract Infection, all the other causes of the infection has to be ruled out through either a physical exam, an ultrasound of the kidneys, or a cystoscopy. Dr. Gabal explains some treatments that could help such as maintaining good sexual hygiene, treating constipation, emptying bowels regularly, consuming fiber and a lot of water, peeing before and after sex, using plenty of lubrication that isn’t “warmed or flavored” can help to reduce the infection. Using antibiotics after intercourse and using probiotics to normalize vaginal bacteria can also help. She suggests supplements like cranberry and D-mannose prevent certain types of UTIs.

Conditions That Can Cause Sexual Pain  

Dr. Lamia talks about pelvic floor dysfunction as the most common cause of dyspareunia or painful sex. It causes mild pelvic floor muscle spasm to vaginismus where the vagina doesn’t open and causes pain. To treat this, she suggests soaking in a tub, putting heat on the area, or taking muscle relaxant drugs prescribed by the doctor. Pelvic floor physical therapy is the most effective of all and is done by specially trained pelvic floor physical therapists. Post-menopausal vaginal atrophy could also be the cause. She talks about birth control as an understated cause that causes thinning of vaginal tissue and a change in PH levels causing painful sex. She recommends putting topical testosterone mixed with estrogen to treat it.

Biography

Dr. Lamia Gabal, MD, FPMRS, is a board-certified physician who specializes in several areas of medicine, including urology and restorative surgeries. Dr Gabal has more than 20 years of experience in the field of general medicine and urology. The doctor and her staff take great pride in offering many of the newest, cutting-edge treatment options and strive to continually provide the latest in technological advancements.

She graduated from the University of California at San Diego Medical School in 1995 and performed two separate residencies at the UCSD Medical Center. She was the recipient of the “Patient’s Choice Award” from 2011 to 2013. Currently, Dr Gabal serves residents of Southern California at Prestige Medical Group in Santa Ana, CA.

Resources and Links:  

Website: https://www.drgabal.com/

Services: https://www.drgabal.com/services/

More info:

Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/177-urology-for-women-dr-lamia-gabal

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Today’s episode covers  trauma and how it can obstruct our ability to connect our body and arousal to our emotional and social being, and later obstruct the way of connecting intimately with our partner. Cass Biron  talks about the structure and ways people can approach this and overcome the struggle by integrating play and flexibility with their partner.

Cass’s Entry Into This Line of Work

Cass’s interest in this line of work stemmed from a young age of asking questions about how bodies work. She later enrolled in the Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy training in New York City and first heard about the vagus nerve and Polyvagal Theory. She dove deep into understanding the interaction between the different states of the nervous system present during sex and how they play a role in enabling richer sex lives and relationships.

Polyvagal Ladder by Dep Dana

Cass explains the model of Polyvagal Ladder by Dep Dana which consists of a top head region where all the social and emotional connections originate. It involves reading facial cues to detect the inner feelings of a person and is especially present during sex. It functions as non-verbal cues that help strengthen the connection and intimacy between the partners. Lower down is the fight or flight area of the torso where our energy is stored. Cass explains the fight or flight function that causes the increase of blood flow, higher heart rate, and heavy synchronized breathing. The bottom of the ladder is the freeze response resting in our genitals between our hips. Cass says it’s present in bodies with a vulva as it facilitates the freeze response that happens with orgasm. However, men have a “jerky kind of orgasm”.

During any sexual encounter or orgasm, we’re in all three states at the same time. Sometimes sex starts from the bottom up and vice versa. Cass talks about identifying physical health through our ability to orgasm by quoting Laura Geiger. She says it’s because we can identify the part of the nervous system that’s having trouble connecting during sex.

Where Does Trauma Show Up In This Picture?

Trauma is held in our physical form and it shows up differently for everyone during sex. Cass says it takes understanding and recognition of how and where we’re holding that stress and tension and pinpointing the occasions that trauma shows up. It takes awareness to incorporate trauma-sensitive sex. Trauma-sensitive sex is about integrating that knowledge about your body into your sex life. To be trauma-sensitive, according to Cass, is understanding your trauma and your partner’s trauma and using that knowledge to build a foundation of communication, consent, and trust. It’s a habit that needs to be circled back every time. She challenges the norm of the “top-down” process by explaining how bottom-down can be just as powerful. Masturbation and sex with yourself can be used as a tool to move through trauma.

Mindful Masturbation

Cass talks about mindful masturbation as a tool to release trauma from your body. She talks about “Masturbation bingo” to help them challenge the ways they think about sex. She suggests picking the video of something you’ve never watched before and suggests deciding on the setting of the room. She starts by having them write down their intentions before beginning. By changing up the routine they’ve built for themselves, they can shift the trauma that’s settled in the muscles of their body to loosen up.

Mindful masturbation teaches the three states of our nervous system to awaken and welcome pleasure rather than reject it. She talks about the challenging experiences people face during this exercise but also talks about how to train your mind to remind you of the present to keep you grounded. It’s about training your nervous system to integrate and work together.

Play

Cass suggests playing as a medium to build a space filled with curiosity and without judgment. Play is the time when our nervous systems are trying to integrate and sync with each other, as well as with our partners’ nervous systems. It facilitates a social-emotional connection between people. Cass urges people to incorporate seduction and flirting into any sort of play. She says play doesn’t have to be something typical, you can introduce seduction into cooking or playing UNO, or getting ready with your partner. The friendly banter and suggestive flirting can in everyday tasks can be play, it’s about understanding what seduction looks like for you and where you want to incorporate it in your day.

Playing outside the bedroom is crucial to building the rapport between partners to handle stressful situations calmly. When something goes wrong in the play, you don’t escalate the situation because it’s just a game. It can be transferred into the bedroom play, says Cass.

Gay Community Expands The Binary Thinking of Sex and Sexuality

Cass takes Alok Menon, a gay writer, artist, performer, and designer as an inspiration to model the expansion of binary thinking of masculine and feminine that limits how we express sexuality. She talks about the challenges that love between couples outside the bedroom has been taken outside the box and how that can be incorporated into people’s sex lives. The act of “penis-vagina sex” confines sex into a box of social conformity and restricts the freedom to be creative in the way we can have sex. She calls on people to examine the ways we used to relate sex to HIV or used to determine our bodies as “gross” because that’s when we learn how these ideas can originate and take root in society. Having been told that the rights to her body were not hers being a catholic, she fights to break the limitations set on having spiritually free and amazing sex.                            

Biography

Cass Biron  is a clinician and a sex educator offering parenting workshops and trauma-sensitive sex workshops for universities and organizations. She works within a pediatric clinic that serves families and children within the foster care system in Queens, NY where she works in a behavioral health team offering expertise on sexuality development, puberty, and how to support children with a high ACE score.

A former sexual health educator, Cass received her Masters in Social Work from the Silberman School of Social Work at Hunter College. While extensively trained in Trauma-Focused Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT), Cass incorporates somatic theories, the polyvagal theory, art activities, and movement therapies to provide each client with tools for coping and thriving.

Cass wants to bring trauma-sensitive sex to all of her clients, as the sexual life and development of each person is to be of great value and supported throughout the entire life course.

Resources and Links:

Website: http://www.ihitherapy.org/

Instagram: @cass.talks.intimacy

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/cassie.c.biron

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCbUQH_A6pZbwYPxSJTGSCCA/playlists

Email: casstalksintimacy@gmail.com

More info:

Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: https://www.intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/176-trauma-sensitive-sex-cass-biron

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

Christina Antonyan joins me to offer her perspective on erotic touch and its significance in a relationship. We talk about the primal character of attuned touch and how to access it to enhance your sex life without any pressure of reaching a goal.

What got Christina interested in Erotic Touch?  

In a one-week seminar on Tantric and Taoist teachings, Christina connected with the world of erotic touch. The seminar involved the activity of women giving pleasure to men and then switching the next day by receiving. It eliminated the pressure to give back at the moment and lead to open up her sense of pleasure. She points out the importance of touch by hands and fingertips as the most sensitive areas of the body. “Often the hands will solve a mystery that the intellect has struggled with,” Christina says quoting Carl Jung. Erotic touch enables the energy to flow through the body and reach the genitals while opening up our senses.

This process of Erotic touch emphasizes the concept of receiving and relaxing into pleasure without an obligation to give back immediately. Christina suggests erotic touch as a way to reconnect with your partner during disagreements and when you don’t feel like having sex.

Why is touch so important to us as humans and its significance in a relationship?

Touch is the first form of communication that we experience as babies. It’s how we connect with people, objects, and textures around us. Parents express their love, care, and nurturing through gentle touch, and we lock our memories of that moment in touch because that’s how we received it. And when we lack that touch, we feel disconnected and our energy blocked. Christina gives an instance where she gets a massage to open up her senses and unblock her energy.

What are some common mistakes people make when touching?

Christina points out not being aware as the most common mistakes people make while touching. This constitutes not being present in the moment, making mindless and mechanical movements, and disconnecting with your partner’s body. Christina compares a bad touch with a bad massage that feels unintentional and alien. A partner can sense when you’re occupied by your thoughts during touching or having sex.

How Do You Define What Makes Touch Erotic?

While slow and sensual is one form of erotic touch, many other forms like caressing, stroking, tickling, squeezing, tapping, soft touch, and frim touch come under the erotic touch. Christina says that erotic touch is defined by its intent and awareness rather than the part of the body it’s performed on. Moving further she points out how we as unique individuals experience differently than one another. Most of the time, for instance, during a massage our genitals are skipped. According to Christina, for most women, a lot of sexual energy is held in our thighs and buttocks and when we experience erotic touch in these areas, our energy flows through the body.



Christina talks about “Lingam massage” (penis massage) where men are blindfolded to avoid the person giving the massage becoming their main source of pleasure. The goal is for them to go in their body and experience sensation and pleasure like never before and it applies to women as well. It’s about experiencing non-visual pleasure.

Ways That People Can Practice This Touch With Their Partners

To practice erotic touch with your partners, Christina offers a three-part video series of breast massage, yoni massage, and penis massage. It reaches various hand movements to give different types of touch and experiencing sensations that go along with it ranging from high to low arousal. Christina advises following your intuition and getting creative once you become comfortable with the movements. It can be done by being present and attuned with your partner’s body and observing their reactions to your touch.

Is there any verbal communication that accompanies Erotic Touch?

When it comes to communication during the touch, people have different preferences. While some may like instruction, others might prefer an ongoing dialogue or some may just prefer no talking. She talks about clear communication and saying it right away when something doesn’t feel good. But she also warns us about over-communication and how that would interrupt the flow and make the experience feel “too mechanical”. To make the partner and yourself feel at ease, she suggests several oils that could be used and setting the space with candles and scents and being mindful of the temperature.

Benefits of Erotic Touch and the Difference it Makes in a Couple’s Sex-life.

Erotic touch teaches you how to relax into pleasure and open up to various sensations happening in your body and around you. You connect with your body and your partner’s body on a deeper level where you’re in tune with their desires and your own. People use that sexual arousal to circulate the sexual energy through their bodies. There’s no pressure or an obligation to reach the goal of orgasm and Christina explains it through men’s “in-ejaculation process”. It’s the process to teach men to separate orgasm and ejaculation through erotic touch. It helps you release all the pent-up energy and trauma and sometimes turns into an emotional release, says Christina.

Biography

Curiosity is Christina’s driving force, being born during the Soviet Era in a conservative household gave her an insatiable appetite to be curious about the world. She’s multi-passionate, and one of her favorite passions is sexuality. She has a burning desire to change how we talk about sex since culture, media, religion, environment, and tech shape our sexual beliefs and behaviors

Christina specialized in figuring out how Ancient sexual teachings, Tech and Science applies to the human of today, who has endless stimulation options. She’s traveled to over 60 countries, speaking, giving workshops, and learning from her masters. She’s been studying sexuality for more than 14 years. She’s on a mission to bring sexuality out of the Dark Ages where our sexuality becomes the source of our peace and happiness instead of the source of our shame, guilt, trauma, pain, and anxiety.

Resources and Links:  

Website: https://www.confidentlovers.com/

Video Course: https://www.confidentlovers.com/erotic-touch-video-course/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/confident_lovers/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/ConfidentLovers/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCPxzVQtPzpoGENUMs_d2REw

More info:

Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/175-erotic-touch-christina-antonyan

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

In this episode, Shana James shares how men can talk about their desires and their vulnerability toward having a thriving sex life.

Shana’s drive to support and guide people into a healthier relationship stems from her younger self who was confused and wanted to understand what a healthy relationship looked like. Now, Shana’s work on communication extends beyond men and can be applied to all heterosexual relationships.

Communication Breakdowns in a Relationship

According to Shana, the most important part of communication in relationships that people need to improve is respect. Drawing on personal experience, Shana suggests that we reflect on the way we treat our partners. While trust is built on actions, words have the power to shake that foundation. Our emotional responses, like name-calling and blaming, are a part of that communication that needs to be fixed for a healthy relationship.

What Makes a Lower Desire Partner Say No to Sex?

A partner can push their lower-desire partner away from saying yes to sex when their conversation takes a turn into complaining and blaming. Instead, Shana suggests having a conversation filled with passion, excitement, and collaboration. Asking questions about what their desires are and talking about what you want to try is a good way to bring them around the idea of opening up about their wants. Depending on the tone of our conversations, lower desire partners can feel the blame and put off their desires. “Innately, there’s nothing wrong with our desires”, Shana says while urging people to work through their desires and initiate collaboration.

Shame Around Expressing Sexual Desires

Shame is one of the biggest hurdles people feel around their desires that makes them say no to affectionate advances or sex. Their partners can offer them a safe space to express those desires by fulfilling their desires outside the bedroom – to be seen and understood. Shana says it’s a collaborative effort of both partners to connect and form an intimate and emotional bond outside the bedroom. It enforces their trust to be playful and explore each other’s bodies, what they like and need, and what you like and need. It’s an experimentation-style approach of constantly being curious about each other’s desires and your own. It helps face the shame and fears with compassion and love.

How To Make Your Partner Feel Safe to Be Aroused & Sexual

Shana’s advice to make your partner feel safe and comfortable to be sexual is to be vulnerable and honest with your reasons for wanting that experience. Unlike many assume, men do feel the need to have sex to connect and bond on a deeper level or to express the love they feel. It’s a way to leave behind the stresses of the day and focus on being a good partner. Shana also points out that when we assume the best of our partner, we start to understand where they’re coming from and show more compassion towards their needs and our own, that’s how collaboration is possible.

Advice on How to Have Vulnerable Conversations

Having conversations about desires and needs can be difficult for many, and Shana advises people to communicate before having sex. The conversation could be about how we’re treating each other in terms of respect and acknowledging each other’s wants and needs. During the conversation, it’s important to hear what the other person is saying and instead of dismissing an idea, try entertaining the thought. You can brainstorm with your partner about how they can accommodate you in a way you feel safe and comfortable to try this new thing. This is where curiosity comes into play, says Shana. In terms of putting your desires forward, Shana suggests the ABC communication method. When you put an idea forward and get a “B” response from your partner that’s surprising, instead of walking away try asking what caused them to respond in that way and be curious to find out.

Final Thoughts

Shana leaves us with a reminder to have those vulnerable conversations in the moment and avoid the build-up of resentment and irritation. Having conversations about sex during a casual time other than in the bedroom can boost that habit of collaboration and teamwork. She also suggests making your pleasure your responsibility by getting to know your body better. She urges people to be playful with sex and not keep orgasm as a goal and be exploratory with it.

Biography

For 15 years Shana coached more than a thousand leaders, CEOs, authors, speakers, and people with big visions to find love, rekindle the spark, step into more powerful leadership, start and grow businesses, increase their impact, create a legacy, and become more personally inspired and fulfilled.

Referred to as a secret weapon, she cuts through distraction and provides direct access to confidence, power, and clarity. She is also a translator between women and men, providing effective tools to transform conversations and dynamics that have gone awry into connection and collaboration.

With an M.A. in psychology, DISC certification, Coaching training, more than a decade facilitating groups and workshops, starting multiple businesses, and helping hundreds of entrepreneurs start their own, her range of skills is unlike many.

Resources and Links:  

Website: https://shanajamescoaching.com/

TEDx talk: https://shanajamescoaching.com/tedx/

Guides: https://shanajamescoaching.com/dating-guide/

More info:

Training video – https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice

Sex Health Quiz – https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/174-how-men-can-talk-about-their-sexual-desires-shana-james

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass

On this episode we hear from Kimmay Caldwell, an Undergarment Educator and Coach, whose 20-year-old self, working as a bra fitter, was struck by how people viewed themselves in the mirror. The harsh narratives people came up with while trying on a bra made her transform her own relationship with her body. Now, Kimmay supports all those people who struggle with self-love, self-acceptance and body image through her coaching work. Kimmay covers everything about loving yourself and owning your body.

Becoming a self-love coach and an undergarment educator  

Kimmay was an independent and struggling full-time student in New York City and became a bra fitter at a bra shop in Soho where she met all kinds of people from different backgrounds. In the pre-Instagram period of hiding cellulite and stretch marks, Kimmay (like many others) struggled with body image and self-acceptance. Being a bra fitter gave her a window into the most vulnerable parts of people’s minds- what they see when they look into the mirror. The negative stories that people came up within that intimate space made Kimmay reflect on her own relationship with her body. It not only inspired her to improve her perception of her body and image but also inspired her to support others in their own journey of acceptance and love.  

Kimmay says that breasts and genitals are the most intimate and sacred parts of our body. However they appear – full breasts or a flat chest, it centers our energy. When people feel shame and discomfort with those parts of their body, it can throw their energy off.   

How did Kimmay help as a bra fitter and now as a coach?

Working as a bra fitter in retail, Kimmay would encourage people to see something positive when they experience intrusive thoughts like what their bra size means to them. Now as a coach, Kimmay started with bra fitting sessions where she addresses three things – confusion, discomfort and shame, to get people to start liking what they see in the mirror. Confusion is the educational part of the process about bra sizing, what fits and the differences. Discomfort people feel can be addressed by fitting them into their right bra size. One of her thoughts is around how wearing your right bra size is much like fitting into the right size shoes, it’s about being comfortable in what you wear. Shame is tackled by addressing stories around body types, what it means to them. Kimmay explains how shame grows from the stories we tell ourselves and how shame blocks confidence, potential and connection with our bodies.

Kimmay created the “Hurray housekeeping method” where you view yourself as a house, from the foundation up. It serves women who aim to be successful and achieve bigger dreams.  She rightly believes that the kind of person you are outside to the world and in your relationships, at the end of the day, you come to yourself, to “your head and heart space” as Kimmay says it. It’s important to feel comfortable and at home in who you are. To make that happen you change how you talk to yourself, the stories you tell yourself.

Inside, outside and underneath – meaning

Kimmay gets into explaining what her tagline “inside, outside and underneath” means. In taking a holistic approach Kimmay supports people by working inside out. The inside part of the process includes a relationship and connection with your inner self. Changing the way you perceive yourself and the way you communicate about your appearance could transform your inner self. She then guides them into the process of addressing concerns underneath your clothing, which is done by educating people about undergarments. In the next step, she looks outside a person including their job, how they present to people, relationships and more. Kimmay emphasizes the need to connect with yourself first before connecting with someone else in a relationship.

Wearing lingerie for yourself

Kimmay talks about choosing the right bra that fits as a deep clean that leads to a path to transformation. Comparing it to cleaning an actual house, Kimmay explains how it’s a slow and an ongoing process that doesn’t happen overnight or change everything about yourself. Kimmay works mainly with people in their 50s who have time on their hands to focus on themselves and those going through menopause and dealing with changes to their bodies. It opens up an opportunity for them to not only find a right fitting bra but also feel different about themselves physically and emotionally. Kimmay points out the importance of wearing bras or any undergarments as a treat for yourself, to feel the confidence and comfort and not with an expectation for someone else to see it.

Take away

Kimmay gives a wise takeaway of bra fitting by asking people to stop using numbers as a definition and instead use it as information. She urges people to give those definitions to numbers which could also be their salary, age or weight. Understanding information on bra sizing, how it works and what works for you is important. She addresses misinformation that’s been taught about bra sizing.

It’s also a part of misinformation that we don’t know the right way of taking care of our bras, how to wash them and to put them on. She offers free information around this on her website. Kimmay talks about her campaign “More Than My Numbers” where people of different sizes, colors and body shapes are featured and they measure themselves and share their sizes.

Using lingerie to help with intimacy in relationships

Kimmay talks about how certain parts that are covered by undergarments and lingerie itself are sexualized. She points out that you can have never had sex and still use lingerie, like everyday bras or T-shirts that make you feel sexy which gets along well with the exciting fact of loving yourself by dressing well underneath your clothes. Giving space to feel confident with who you are and your body, and feeling of course a bit frisky. Those things can then be brought into an intimate situation with someone’s intimacy at its core. It’s all about vulnerability. Being vulnerable in front of someone is hard when you don’t feel ok with your body, so it’s easier when you feel loved and accepted. Lingerie is also used in a way of self-love to show up bigger in the world. She shares some tips about how to spice up your relationship with lingerie.  

Biography:  

Kimmay Caldwell is a self-love coach and Undergarment educator who supports people to say “Hurray” inside, outside, and underneath. She is an expert bra fitter with over a decade of experience of getting intimate with people from cup sizes A to N since 2005. Years in the fitting room illuminated the stories people had about their bodies, their self-worth, and their dreams which helped her become a coach and tune in quickly to what will serve her clients best. Now her newest offering, The Hurray House Method, supports people to do the daily inner housekeeping and self-care necessary to show up big in the world.

Formerly based in NYC, she is now in rural Oklahoma and travels around the world to spread her empowering message of self-love, and how to use the everyday ritual of putting on a bra to uncover your confidence, stand in your power, and learn to love yourself. You may have seen her in one of over 100 press outlets, including more than 5 times on The Rachael Ray Show, plus the Martha Stewart Show, The Today Show, and more. Or perhaps you caught her teaching bra fitting workshops at the largest lingerie expo in the world in Paris.

Links and resources:

Virtual bra coaching and bra related guides: https://hurraykimmay.com/bra-fittings/

Resources, blog posts and coaching packages: https://hurraykimmay.com/resources-inside/

Instagram: @hurraykimmay  

More info:

Training video – ​https://jessazimmerman.mykajabi.com/video-choice

Sex Health Quiz – ​https://www.sexhealthquiz.com

The Course – ​https://www.intimacywitheasemethod.com

The Book – ​https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – ​https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to help your partner want more sex without making them feel pressured or obligated: ​https://intimacywithease.com/free-webinar

Better Sex with Jessa Zimmerman
https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/better-sex/

Source: https://businessinnovatorsradio.com/173-self-love-secrets-from-a-bra-fitter-with-kimmay-caldwell

More info and resources:

Secret Podcast for the Higher Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/hdppodcast

Secret Podcast for the Lower Desire Partner: https://www.intimacywithease.com/ldppodcast

Special Collections of the podcast:

Increasing Desire Episodes

Eroticism and Excitement Episodes

My Favorite Authors

How Big a Problem is Your Sex Life? Quiz – https://www.sexlifequiz.com

The Course – https://www.intimacywithease.com

The Book – https://www.sexwithoutstress.com

Podcast Website – https://www.intimacywithease.com

Access the Free webinar: How to make sex easy and fun for both of you: https://intimacywithease.com/masterclass