Fanā

Rather than escaping away, or finding something to consume - if we work at the fundamental level, we touch freedom and wellbeing.

A society of addictions, safety as the highest value is limiting and flat. A response to a world where we are not truly alive so we want to live longer and safer.

Views are skilful means, not to formulate a new ego structure around. Thought Is often disembodied, and hence out of true nature. An escape from embodied embedded reality. Stay in the body, it’s the portal to spontaneous expression of true nature.

In landscape

Reflections on surface mind, true nature, source nature.

Transmission is not one way. Learning occurs in dialectic. And, it’s the bond that’s the teaching. More than the content itself. The frequency of the energetic connection.

The joy of eating out after 15 months of pandemic. Generosity and being touched by service. Returning to the Dao, the deeper part, over the anxious scattered surface personality.

The joy of spending extended periods with elements, away from humans. And how it is transformative to the psyche and the sense of self.

Pain as the healer. Experience of learning from long deep pain

The closer you are to your Wholeness less likely you will engage in mindless addictive patterns. The more you enjoy addictive actions, the farther you are from Source.

I reflect on the return of strength in my body, and the reopening of multi perspective ways of holding my story, time, and space.

As I recover from a broken body in pain, back, shoulders, ankle, and feet - the lesson is emerging. Where were you? My body asks. When you were away, these injuries, these pains, this suffering kept getting accumulated. Finally, painful as it will be, the body like patched land awaits the penetration by the mind, and as this begins - i am lost, and I am found. A new being, and an old being. A snake shedding skin, in the half way. In the bardo of the dream.

In this Inquiry, I share my experience with excruciating and debilitating pain over the last two weeks. Pain as a portal to presence, pain as a pause from the body.

My ego mind thought my body, emotions. Feelings, time etc were for sale in market for highest bidder. No. Instead ego is here to serve the life force flowing in the body, not to rule it. My time is not for sale. My body is not for sale.

Roles that have lived out the juice. Eg ascetic. Job role of living in fear. Being single. In a small apartment. It’s time to let them all go. And fill up life with Dimensionality. Starting with change in apartment, life will begin to change. Better food. More movement. Some holidays. Retreats. And life will shift.

A movement with life force; not away from it. The sutric fantasy of ascetic; never settling; or connecting - has run out. There is a movement to enchantment; to aliveness; Soulmaking and soul expression

Rather than adopt the entire Cosmology, myths and images of the path, we pick up qualities that are helpful and Methods that we can practice to deepen into those qualities. And then we apply them to express the images and myths that arise for me. For my dynamic unfolding soul. And it will shift from ascetic, to hedonist, to caring, to creating etc. Whatever stages it emerges into. Rather than blindly follow path of Buddha or anyone else. And in the end the deep embodied expression of qualities will reach quality without a name. A life essence of me. This will be specific to me. This makes me - me. In that stage of the process - if my life and environment around dancing together - coarising. Dependency arising. Fully expressing.

Compounding is essential for anything to be useful and substantial. This requires effortlessness. If it’s hard work, it’s actually friction that will burn you out. When you enjoy something - subjective experiences of challenge and time is different. When you don’t enjoy something - the subjective experience elongates. 5 hours of inner exploration is very different from 5 hours of doing a task you hate.

We can’t have a sensible impact until we have harmonised inside out. Masses will never get it. Cultivate a soul garden and live the image

Make next 18 months beautiful living in London to take a call. Explore a few inner work groups, and see which ones stick/deepen. Naturally. Follow felt sense. Open to dating. This is the new reality.

Decisions on path: leaving mindfulness, following heart. Soulmaking, Dao, Ways of looking, and some ridhwan

Trust is prerequisite to connection. You cannot trust bureaucracies. At all. You have to understand and play with them. They are systems, so you don’t need to feel empathy to them, they don’t feel any empathy to you.

Your body tells you when the situation is whole. It seeks to reduce uncertainty that comes as a pinch in ego if you don’t keep a spacious mind; and if you operate from awareness - you can make better decisions. Reality, and great teachers reflect reality so you can see your personal distorting plays on it

A gift from the wood element - can we receive it fully

Next 15 years: 1 good year. So much for ego structure. The existential angst has started unfolding into mystic openness, the anger beginning to transform into mastery via play. And now I am also finding connecting, and devoting to things naturally transform panic into care.

Harmonising the 3 streams. Deepening across fear/awe via curiosity. Practicing more on Anger/Mastery via play. Cleaning up/freely flowing the care/panic via connecting. Once we allow these 3 to flow in flywheel, we introduce Eros to charge the harmonisation and have the things going!

Practicing with ‘Open to Emergence’. Following my unfolding. Rather than freedom of accumulating enough money to avoid working and consume. I like to create, AI consumption is not exciting anyway.

Living from should - is living from super ego. Living from needs (externally seeking safety, love, belonging) - is living from ego. Eventually we live from image/soul, and eventually spontaneously arising source

We need to have mastery across world of forms for sustenance and deepening of practice. Mastering residing stillness; and then transitioning, allows a whole integration. I feel comfortable with the overall map of inner work, now it’s time to practice. And deepen. Cultivate, harmonise, integrate.

From open mind, to open body, to open heart

Most of my life has been struggle because I have been focused on what was was missing. Love; safety; freedom. I feel that I need a change. I wish too be free. Probably outside this city. The only way to find out is via making the next year awesome and then taking the call. In that time I will have citizenship too

I have spent 30 years of my life trying to get safe. It’s time to start moving beyond safety. Towards living. It’s time to be closer to family. It’s time to start my own family. And soon it will be time to leave Uk. Once I have my residence, I have the downside protected, then I am totally free. You won’t get a redo with your 30s. If you let them go, that’s it. Make them good.

5 years; between 3-8. 3 years: 11-14; 1 good year: 22.5-23; 23.5-24. If I were asked - would you like to relive your 20s - and not be able to change anything. I would say no. 20s were hard. I will make sure 30s are better. Leave fear behind. Make sensible moves now.

Reflections on time, space and desire. The juice of life. The way is either live without it, or to add it in and play with it. You can’t master fire without getting burned, but if 2D life is too boring for you - this is the only way. The earlier you master, and integrate the power of desire, the better. We head into 30s, it’s time to live and love. I can’t keep building a foundation forever.

Building a critical mass of inner and outer skills, allows one to change inner or outer reality, and cultivate beauty, aliveness, and harmony.

Follow your unfolding source, guidance and values. They will eventually lead you towards a life that is perfectly yours, harmonised. Filled with beauty, love, Generativity. Unconditional trust, love of beings.

1: Move apartment ASAP. Place for myself. Up to 1500. 2: Minimise probability of exposure, and stop worrying. (Solo apartment, Buy bike, Avoid Travel/Tube). 3: Focus on following generative vision. Creating value for others, inner cultivation, relationship cultivation.

Essence of the path. Contracted state is not natural, and someone with strong ego; and self denial can beat themselves up for much longer. Just relax. Open. Be. Then things will naturally unfold. Don’t worry that you will dissolve, you won’t.

Life is better with the gift of trust. Don’t value your suffering too cheaply. Don’t ignore your souls yearnings forever. Life is short. Also, life is better with partner, family, friends, community - not as a lone Jaguar. After your training, move to create a pride of Lions, and redwood groves of love. No one is perfect, nothing is complete - yet we gift trust. For that opens the energetic centres of our body.

Reality is the greatest teacher and guide. Outer and inner. It’s good to build a life where we add value to others, so it’s not just a self ego project. Integrate left and right hemispheres. Having spent 30 years in left; time to bring in embodied right

First build/accumulate basic resources so you survive. Second train discernment. Then build skills of mind body like a Jaguar. Then hunt and find your Redwood Grove (city, country). Ideally here you build your palace (meaning room, spiritual play space) where you indulge in Soulmaking. Being close to sea, sky, sun, woods, and fresh air. Investing in building survival resources and building skills of mind-body is the beginning. And eventually everything you do can be soul expression, creativity, vitality, self expression. Love. Passion. Eros.

I am now going deeper into touching soul. Living from source. As I connect continually, I can begin training towards what’s important and then be ready to pounce. Eventually source stabilises, and the OODA happens spontaneously, instantly; and one lives in relaxed open awareness, trained and ready to pounce.

Follow your Generative unfolding. The choice your life wishes you to me - guided by life’s flow. Liberating potential at the time of hunt; & cultivating potential in stillness.

Answer the call of life. Let go of escaping. Time has come to lean forward. As a Jaguar, it’s time to leave home and build your own territory. To have your own temenos, in your own redwoods, and your sea - under the sky. No escaping with Hobbies. They are there to train with, so you can serve the unfolding life.

We are now in, and will continue to be in a liquid world. Be fluid. Ready to swim. Move past solids, build inflows and outflows of wealth, health, reputation. Now.

Integrating ideas across domains. I: Seeing that frees; It: Unobstructed self expression (Spontaneous Spirit); We: Relating that loves; It’s: Doing that works.

Grounded in the natural wild state of being - in source, in harmony, in depth - one goes in and out of civilisation. Not as sheep, but as a tiger. And then comes back to rest in deep harmony.

After answering the call to integrate the wild; I recognise the desire to move towards a sense of naturalness. So the civilisation is metabolised, as we claim and integrate other elements of being.

Having recognised the water of the systems of culture and economy, I recognise that it’s time to begin my training into reclaiming the wilderness of body (tiger). Heart (butterfly). Roots (Redwood). Mind (Katana). Soul (Bird). Train and integrate the tools as you prepare to sail; to track your soul into the forest. The call has been answered.

Inquiry into my emergent vision of an island; that is neither in world, not out of world. It is an expression of my being - guided by Love (heart). Life (Aliveness in Somatic body). Liberation (Heart-Mind).

Means being able to take care of your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental needs. Knowing how to defend self; to grow and cook food; have good relationships; and personal inner practices without external dependency.

It’s time to move onto next stage of life. With apartment; relationships and self expression on my own space.

Guiding ideas foe the adventure: April 2020

Working with a decaying system to collect resources; train the mind-body; and then move with those you live on a ship to Ithaka. For a soulful adventure.

Power of bringing nature into personal, professional and social life.

Reflections on simple food; a mini like life; and reliving university life

Becoming anti fragile. Letting go of resistance to the new reality. Reorienting so you can respond. Making it a new story, or mission - a new way of looking.

A solution will emerge soon. Key is to spend the next 4 weeks well, it’s time to move forward with relationship; apartment; and citizenship,

Gratitude to be alive. Deepening practices as a response to the current situation.

21 March 2020: this is how it feels. Dreams are also processing the weirdness of the world. I sense an emergent plan on next steps

Reflections on 18 March 2020

Visiting office to pick up screens

Reflections on fear: observing upcoming tragedy

Changing apartment for future.

And a commitment to live a better wilder and connected 30s

An inquiry into harsh realities. Lessons learnt. And wish for wellbeing,

Watching a crisis unfold externally, opens up internal aspects of being. Facing your fears. Glimpsing clarity.

Facing mortality: what would I do more of in 30s; and wish I had not done as much of in 20s.

(1) Safety: citizenship, savings, passive income for my family and me. (2) Soul Expression: Connect, Live and Create live from source via facilitation, coaching, sharing art, building solutions/media with love. (3) Loving relationships: Wife, Kids, Family, Friends, Mentors. (4) Space: Nature, Sea, Silence, Beauty, Safety, Pristine Nature.

Where am I stuck. As I face mortality in a chaotic world, I inquire into my vision for a future.

An emergent inquiry into my intention to live with my heart, that arose spontaneously on 18 Feb 2020, in face of actual costs.

A recognition of movement as a portal into source across different domains. Bringing in receptivity, Presence, creative expression, and integration. Nature and movement as layers through which source expresses itself

A live inquiry describing how we are fundamentally related to space, ground, friction, others. Becoming aware of and practicing on these fundamental ways of relating allows a deeper transformation that plays out in all arenas of life.

Live inquiry as I turn 30, recognise the fakeness of my life; and hope to be safe in a chaotic world.

Who is the I and does he know what I want? Is there an end or an objective or is this an unknown mystery

When we let go of doing, flow of life directs us, effortlessly - like water.