Husband Material

If you've spent years wishing your sexual thoughts and feelings would go away, this episode is for you. Related resources:Unwanted, by Jay Stringer (paid link)How To Interpret Sexual FantasiesHow To Analyze Sexual FantasiesWhy We Sexualize Emotions...And How To Desexualize ThemTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the...

Have you ever felt unable to enter into your wife's pain? In this episode, Nathaniel Gustafson explains how to come close to your wife in a way she is more likely to trust. You'll learn how to stay out of shame, keep the spotlight on her, and practice these skills before "game time." Sobriety is not enough. You must learn empathy. Nathaniel's compassionate guidance will help you develop it.Watch the video of this episode here.Nathaniel Gustafson is a licensed professional counselor and ordain...

Many men have been wounded by women. In this episode, Britta Eskey explains how women can help men heal wounds caused by women. Without women, we are missing half of humanity.Britta Eskey co-founded COR, which assists people in finding and living their purpose, including through the Noble Man workshop. Britta is the author of Initiations in Love, a spiritual memoir which answers the age old question: “What do we do with our pain?” Britta has a background in social work, family therapy, counse...

Did you know that you have more than one inner child? In this episode, you'll get to know three types of unhealed boys within you. Then at the end, I'll share what it looks like to help them heal.You'll meet:The "good boy" who became "the hero."The "bad boy" who became "the villain."The "hurt boy" who became "the victim."Related episodes:Porn And The Inner ChildThe Inner Child ChallengeHow To Heal Your Inner ChildFind The Boy Within The ManFour Ways To Reparent YourselfTake the Husband Materi...

Have you ever tried to remove access to porn on your digital devices? What if you could create a filter with no loopholes? In this episode, you'll learn a new and innovative approach to internet filtering with Jon and Kristin Wilkes, founders of pluckyfilter.com. You'll also hear from Scott Wurtz, a passionate Plucky user. If you're interested in protecting yourself from porn without giving up your phone, this episode is for you. Learn more at pluckyfilter.com.Jon and Kristin Wilkes, founders...

How can a couple devastated by porn heal, grow, and become even stronger? In this episode, Rich and Deanna Millentree tell their incredible story. "We're Rich and DeAnna Millentree and we love growing in marriage! We've ridden the rollercoaster of marriage for over 28 years. The ups are exhilarating, but the downs are daunting. As Christian Marriage Coaches, we have one big goal: guide couples to ignite deep, lasting connections to Jesus and one another—no matter where your marriage is at. To...

In this episode, I transform one of my triggers using The F.L.O.S.S. Method with help from three Certified Husband Material Coaches: Andrew Loyd, Juan Mejia, and Rocky Pisor. This episode was recorded live at the recent HMA In A Day workshop as a live demonstration of Trigger Tuesday, one of the weekly coaching calls in Husband Material Academy.The F.L.O.S.S. Method:F = FearL = LieO = Origin StoryS = SadnessS = SurrenderDrew Boa is a Pastoral Sex Addiction Professional and Coach in Colorado S...

Triggers don't have to be tyrants. In this episode, you'll learn how to transform your triggers from threats into opportunities for healing using The F.LO.S.S. Method. This episode is an excerpt from the recent HMA In A Day workshop.The F.L.O.S.S. Method:F = FearL = LieO = Origin StoryS = SadnessS = SurrenderFree resource mentioned in this episode:HMA Preview Lesson at husbandmaterial.com/hma-previewTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step...

Tera Brown went from trying to fix her husband's sex addiction to finding herself, her emotions, her boundaries, and her sacred ground. In this episode, you'll learn what it looks like to heal from relational trauma and feel alive in your body. Tera Brown is a trauma-informed life coach trained by APSATS (Association of Partners of Sex Addiction Treatment Specialists). She woke up from a lifelong pattern of avoiding her emotions when her husband disclosed his sex addiction after 16 years of m...

How do I sit in the dirt with someone who is experiencing sexual brokenness? What if I don't know what to say? What if I find myself dysregulated or sexually aroused by the other person? Jeremy Williamson offers invaluable wisdom and counterintuitive clarity about how "be with" others in such a way that they experience the presence of God.Jeremy Williamson is a storywork coach and counselor with ReStory. He is also the Director of Restorative Experiences at Restoration Project. As a former pa...

Have you ever been disappointed by traditional counseling or talk therapy? In this episode, you'll discover the power of a whole-brain approach to outgrowing porn. You'll learn the why, what, and how of experiential healing work. This episode is required viewing for my clients.Related episodes:How To Heal Your Inner ChildExperience Healing Through IFSExperience Healing Through The Immanuel ApproachExperience Healing Through PsychodramaHealing Through Artwork And StoryworkAttunement: The Key T...

How do you pursue restoration after a relapse, especially in marriage or ministry leadership? Rocky Pisor tells his own story of processing a porn relapse after 17 years of sobriety. You'll learn how to notice the warning signs of impending relapse, and how to respond to relapse with curiosity and compassion rather than punishing yourself or pretending like everything is fine. There is wisdom in this episode!Rocky Pisor is a Certified Husband Material Coach, Sex Addiction Mentor, Trauma-Infor...

"There is nothing inherently wrong with an aroused man." What is arousal? Why is it good? Sam Jolman helps us reclaim the heart of masculine sexuality for the purpose of awe, play, and worshipping God. You'll learn how arousal always has a script, why evil hates arousal, and the difference between sexuality and sensuality. At the end, you'll receive a beautiful blessing from Sam. This episode is amazing!Sam Jolman (MA, LPC) is a trauma therapist with over twenty years of experience specializi...

Why do I struggle with gay porn? What does freedom look like? How can I stop using gay porn? In this episode, I answer these questions based on years of research and helping hundreds of men achieve lasting freedom from gay porn.Recommended resources (including paid links):Healing And Recovery: Perspective For Young Men With Sexualized Attachments by Floyd GodfreyMan Cards: Conversation Starters For Men (Sale: 30% off until Father's Day)Related episodes of Husband Material:Why We Sexualize Emo...

What's the point of processing childhood experiences? In this special episode recorded live at the Sexual Integrity Leadership Summit, Drew, Doug, Eddie, and Matt share insights and stories about how processing childhood experiences can help you outgrow porn.Drew Boa (MA, PSAP) a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew is the founder of Husband Material, where he helps men outgrow porn. Learn more at husbandmaterial.comDr. Doug Carpenter is a clinical psychologist a...

Why do we sexualize emotions, and how can we desexualize them? In this episode, I explain what it looks like to "right-size" sexual energy through processing emotions and releasing trauma.Free tools to process emotions:Feelings And Needs WheelFeelings And Needs InventoryReady to release some trauma? Come to the Husband Material Retreat in Colorado on September 6-10, 2024. Sign up at husbandmaterial.com/retreat"Before the retreat, I was plagued with an overwhelming sense of sadness that I coul...

What happens when you feel entitled to sex and treat your wife like a replacement for porn? In this episode, Noah Filipiak tells his story of overcoming sexual entitlement and objectification. Along the way, he unpacks the false promises of purity culture, what love really looks like, how God's grace changes us, and the power of gratitude. Noah Filipiak is a pastor, author, and the host of The Flip Side Podcast. He also blogs at noahfilipiak.com. Noah and his wife Jen have three daughters. He...

What is the definition of sexless marriage? Why do couples experience this? Sexless marriage is often a symptom of deeper psychosomatic issues. Adam and Karissa teach practical tools to build a sexful marriage through vulnerability, intimacy, and safe touch. This episode can also help couples for whom intercourse is painful or not possible. Adam and Karissa King are a licensed coach/therapist team and the founders of Dear Young Married Couple, where they help couples become intimately connect...

How do you respond to someone else's story with curiosity and compassion? In part 4 of this 4 part series, Marcus Spaur shares his story: "If I Only Could Have Been..."If you love story work, you'd love Husband Material Groups.Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/groupDrew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew is the founder of Husband Material, where he helps men outgrow porn. Learn more at husbandmaterial.comWendell Moss (MA, LMHC) is...

How do you write a story about your trauma and sexual experiences? In part 3 of this 4-part series, Wendell Moss shares his story: "Sex & Sexuality"If you love story work, you'd love Husband Material Groups.Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/groupDrew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew is the founder of Husband Material, where he helps men outgrow porn. Learn more at husbandmaterial.comWendell Moss (MA, LMHC) is a therapist, le...

Why is story work absolutely essential for men outgrowing porn? In part 2 of this 4 part series, Chris Inman shares his story: "The Lonely Walk."If you love story work, you'd love Husband Material Groups.Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/groupDrew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew is the founder of Husband Material, where he helps men outgrow porn. Learn more at husbandmaterial.comWendell Moss (MA, LMHC) is a therapist, lead inst...

What is story work? Where did it come from? What does it look like? In part 1 of this 4-part series, Drew shares his story: "The Day I Got Braces."If you love this series, you'd love Husband Material Groups.Apply to join a group at husbandmaterial.com/groupDrew Boa (MA, PSAP) is a Certified Unwanted Guide and Inner Child Recovery Specialist. Drew is the founder of Husband Material, where he helps men outgrow porn. Learn more at husbandmaterial.comWendell Moss (MA, LMHC) is a therapist, lead i...

What is inner healing prayer, and how can it help men outgrow porn?This episode is a preview of our new online course, "10 Ways To Heal Your Trauma: Resolving The Roots Of Porn And Sex Addiction." Get free access at healyourtrauma.comResources for Inner Healing Prayer:Streams of Healing: Finding Your Way to Wholeness with Key Leaders in the Inner Healing Movement, by Cathy Little and Melinda Wilson (book & paid link)Introduction To Healing Prayer, with Leslie Weinzettel (podcast)Experienc...

What is Polyvagal Theory? How can it help men outgrow porn? John Kilmer skillfully describes the autonomic nervous system and how to (re)shape it in order to experience regulation without unwanted sexual behavior. John Kilmer is a Mental Health Life Coach, Occupational Therapist, and Certified Husband Material Coach. John has completed the Foundations of Polyvagal Informed Practice Clinical Training Series with Deb Dana. He's a grateful follower of Jesus who is passionate about men's inner he...

We need a theology of trauma. In this episode, Matt Wenger powerfully invites us to view our trauma through the lens of Jesus's life, death, and resurrection. This episode is a preview of our new online course at healyourtrauma.comMatt Wenger is the clinical director of Boulder Recovery, a 14-day intensive for Christian men struggling with sex, porn, and relationship issues. Boulder Recovery uses the TINSA treatment model (Trauma-Induced Sexual Addiction) to heal the traumatic experiences and...

Do you long for connection, but it feels impossible? In this episode, you'll learn extremely simple tools and techniques to create connection in any conversation—using your eyes, face, voice, and words.Helpful phrases:Tell me more…What’s it like for you...How does that affect you?That makes sense (because)...It sounds like / I hear you saying…It seems like something shifted…That stood out to me…Resources mentioned (including paid links):Attunement: The Key To Connection, podcast by Drew BoaTh...

There are over 40 reasons why men don't talk about their sexual abuse. Let's break the silence. In this episode hosted by Mike Chapman and Doug Carpenter, survivors of sexual abuse share vulnerable stories of harm and healing. Mike Chapman is a Certified Husband Material Coach and the leader of the HM fellowship for survivors of sexual abuse. Contact Mike at polarlifeconsulting.com/contactCheck out Mike's new podcast: Healing For Male SurvivorsListen on AppleListen on SpotifyDr. Doug Carpente...

What is full disclosure? When, why, and how should I reveal sexual secrets to my wife? In this episode, disclosure experts Dan Drake and Janice Caudill walk us through the process of full therapeutic disclosure from beginning to end. You'll learn how to restore truth in your relationship in a way that is healing rather than harmful.Dan Drake and Dr. Janice Caudill co-founded Kintsugi Recovery Partners and co-authored 5 books in the Full Disclosure Series. They developed the first full disclos...

Your imagination is not bad. Learn the 4 main types of fantasies, how to evaluate the healthiness of a fantasy, and what to do with your healthy/unhealthy fantasies!Related episodes:Sexual Arousal vs. Sexual DesireHow To Interpret Sexual FantasiesHow To Analyze A Sexual FantasyIntroduction To Sexual SymbolismHow My Sexual Fetish Shifted Over TimeTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3...

What is grace, and how does it apply to sexual recovery? Jonathan Daugherty inspiringly explains how grace is not "soft" but the most powerful force for transformation and freedom from porn. Pride, shame, and comparison all melt away under the core truth that you are worth the life of God's son, and that can never change. Jonathan Daugherty is the founder and president of Be Broken, and founder of the Gateway to Freedom 3-day workshop for men. He also hosts the weekly radio program, Pure Sex ...

If you're single and you experience same-sex attraction, this episode is for you. Dr. Greg Coles offers insight, humor, delight, and hope that defies typical Christian categories of what a "good and beautiful life" can look like.Greg Coles is an author, speaker, and scholar at the Center for Faith, Sexuality, and Gender. Check out Greg's books (these are paid links):Single, Gay, Christian: A Personal Journey Of Faith And Sexual IdentityNo Longer Strangers: Finding Belonging In A World Of Alie...

What is the difference between outgrowing porn and purity culture? In this replay from The Porn Free Man Conference, you'll experience dramatic examples of what these two approaches look like, sound like, and feel like when you are...Reaching out to a friend after watching porn (failure vs. feedback)Sharing vulnerable parts of your story (harsh and critical vs. gentle and kind)Checking in with your small group (lots of accountability vs. lots of attunement)Feeling the urge to watch porn (batt...

How can parts work help us outgrow porn? Dr. Gerry Crete combines Christian faith, internal family systems, attachment theory, and EMDR into a powerful approach to outgrowing porn. Learn why we need to work with parts pre-emptively, how to "break the spell" when you're in a trance state, and practical ways Jesus can meet our attachment needs.Dr. Gerry Crete is a marriage and family therapist and professional counselor who specializes in the treatment of trauma, addictions, and anxiety disorde...

How can a husband help his wife during a trigger? Tammy Gustafson reveals what triggers are, how they affect your wife's brain, and what she needs after a trigger tornado has passed. Discover how her triggers can become opportunities for healing!Tammy Gustafson is a trauma-informed Licensed Professional Counselor, coach, EMDR certified clinician, and speaker with 15 years of experience. She is the founder of Betrayal Healing and host of the Betrayal Healing Conference. She is passionate about...

What happens when you combine storywork, artwork, and Jesus? Witness powerful healing in this live demonstration of HMA Coaching! As Drew shares a story of difficulty, chalk artisan Philip Leach creates a visual representation while coach John Kilmer offers attunement. Then we invite Jesus into the story and watch the chalk art change. The result is jaw-droppingly beautiful and incredibly meaningful.Watch the video of this episode here:husbandmaterial.com/blog/healing-through-artwork-and-stor...

Learn 12 reasons why shaming yourself doesn't help, what's more powerful than shame, and what you can do instead of shaming yourself.Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one program: Husband Material Academy Thanks for listening!

How can I help my partner heal from the impact of my porn and sex addiction? Psychotherapist and author Carol Sheets reveals what sexually betrayed partners need most, and how you can "help her heal" when you create safety, practice empathy, offer validation, and take ownership without going into shame. This episode is super practical and full of great ideas!Carol Juergensen Sheets (LCSW, CSAT) also known as "Carol The Coach" is the author of many books and workbooks about sex addiction and p...

How do you shift from self-condemnation to self-compassion? Chris Bruno reveals how to discover the story behind your struggle with porn. You'll learn what it looks like to rediscover your true "masterpiece-ness" even in the throes of a porn relapse. Our deepest healing lies in turning to the God who knows and created us in His image.Chris Bruno leads Restoration Project and ReStory Counseling, where he helps people come alive. He is a licensed professional counselor who has decades of experi...

What can sexual fantasies teach us? How should we analyze them? In this episode, Drew and Doug vulnerably share and analyze each other's sexual fantasies so you can understand what this work practically looks like and how to do it well.The best place to start is Husband Material Academy, which opens up on January 1.Learn more at joinHMA.comTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take...

What desires are commonly symbolized by the penis, breasts, kissing, oral sex, nudity, diapers, and feet? Find out in this short and sweet introduction!Related episodes:Theology Of The PenisUnwanted Sexual AttractionSexual Arousal vs. Sexual DesireHow To Interpret Sexual FantasiesWhat Should I Do With My Sexual Desires?Here is the video I mentioned: Trauma and Sexual Fetish | Where Do Fetishes Come From?Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube ...

What is the Immanuel Approach? How can it help Christian men outgrow porn? Cathy Little and Melinda Wilson unpack this amazing way to change your brain and heal your heart through connecting with Jesus experientially. You'll also hear a refreshing reminder of how Jesus relates to you with unconditional love, even in your deepest shame.Cathy Little and Melinda Wilson are the founders of Face To Face Ministries. They are passionate heart healers who have dedicated their lives to activating and ...

What if certain kinds of medication can make it easier to outgrow porn? Adam O'Neill unpacks the benefits and drawbacks of supplementing your sexual recovery with medication such as naltrexone. You'll get wisdom about what to expect and how to decide what's right for you. Adam also addresses common objections and concerns about receiving psychiatric assistance with compassion and clarity from a Christ-centered perspective.Here are the case reports Adam mentioned about naltrexone:Internet sex ...

How has porn impacted your approach to recovery? Learn 7 pornographic styles of recovery and what healthy recovery looks like instead.Pornographic recovery is:isolatedescapistavoiding painimpatientpassive/consumingcold and harsh.Healthy recovery is:relationalembodiedembracing painresilientproactive/creativewarm and kindThe idea of "a pornographic style of recovery" is based on Andrew Bauman's concept of "a pornographic style of relating" (PSR) as described here:A Pornographic Style Of Relatin...

What helps men feel safe to open up and heal from trauma? Dr. James Reeves (the pirate pastor) tells the story of facing his childhood wounds, building a hospital church, and creating the Fearless Series—which is fantastic!The Fearless Series for Men is designed for Christian men to get the conversation started about childhood sexual, physical, or emotional trauma and how it has affected their lives.Check it out:The Fearless Series For Men: fs4men.comThe Fearless Series For Women: fs4women.co...

What if your church was a safe space to outgrow porn? Sam Black explains how porn recovery ministry leads to less work for pastors, more generous donors, more passionate volunteers, and a legacy of health for the next generation. Sam Black is the Director of Recovery Education at CovenantEyes. He has edited 16 books on the impact of pornography and authored two: The Porn Circuit and The Healing Church.Buy Sam's new book (this is a paid link):The Healing Church: What Churches Get Wrong Ab...

Have you ever felt uncomfortable or unsafe while chatting online? In this episode, I’ll share practical tips on how to escape creepy conversations… and 5 reasons why we sometimes don’t. At the end, you’ll hear real-life examples of how I have responded to unwanted sexual communication. Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4...

Have you ever been rejected? Roy Kim explains how rejection and internalized racism drove him to pornography. He also opens up about what it's like to struggle with with porn as a pastor—and as a male betrayed partner. Roy offers real hope through the power of compassion and community.Roy Kim, M.Div, CSAT, is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Southern California focusing on sexual addictions and betrayal trauma. He is a former pastor and enjoys partnering with pastors to educate chu...

Do you know what it's like to struggle with obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) in addition to porn? Andrew Loyd does; he has also experienced years of freedom. In this episode, Andrew unpacks how OCD and unwanted sexual behavior can be related. With curiosity and compassion, he also highlights the path to healing. This episode is important!Andrew Loyd is the founder of Restored Story Coaching. He is an ordained minister, Certified Enneagram Coach, and Certified Husband Material Coach. He is ...

Who was David—the boy, the king, the sex offender? In this episode, you’ll see David’s sexual story from a new angle. You'll also get a taste of church with Husband Material Men through the dramatic reading of Scripture, confession of sin, assurance of pardon, and Christ-centered preaching by Drew Boa. This sermon was delivered on September 10, 2023 at the Husband Material Retreat."God loves all parts of you and me. He did not come to destroy our parts. He came to redeem our parts." NOTE: Wat...

What is reintegrative therapy? Dr. Joseph Nicolosi Jr. explains his approach to treating trauma and how it can help men outgrow porn. Joseph also shares insights about sexual attraction, sexual development, euphoric recall, and the importance of being able to choose your own values and goals.Dr. Joseph Nicolosi Jr. is a licensed clinical psychologist, author, researcher, and clinical director at The Breakthrough Clinic in Southern California. He received his Ph.D. in 2009 from the Chicago Sch...

How do you handle the intense urge to watch porn? This was Dan Johnson's dilemma. Dan struggled with porn for over 20 years. After re-confessing to his wife, putting filters on all his devices, joining a community of other men, and seeing a certified sex addiction therapist, he was still not experiencing the freedom he was longing for. In this episode, Dan shares the specific strategy he used to finally outgrow porn.Dan Johnson is a husband, a father, and the creator of The P.A.T.H. Plan and ...

Have you ever struggled with shame or self-contempt? In this episode, you'll learn the simple formula for healing shame through vulnerability and connection. You'll also hear a vulnerable, shame-filled part of my story I've never shared publicly.What if shame is actually not a curse, but a clue to our hearts and what we really need?Shame is a normal human emotion that shows us how much we care.Instead of using shame as a weapon, let’s use it as a window into where we need to heal.Take the Hus...

Touch is one of our most basic human needs. But many of us have been deprived. How can men outgrowing porn embrace healthy physical touch with each other—and prevent harm? Find out in this panel discussion with Certified Husband Material Coaches Drew Boa, Stephen Thomas, John Kilmer, and Mike Chapman. You'll learn:the importance of safe touch for emotional and sexual developmentcultural differences in physical touch between men around the worldrules about touch for members of the Husband...

This episode answers unique questions for married men who have sexually acted out with gay porn or other men. You'll learn what partners go through upon discovery of gay porn, why transparency matters, and how we can pursue connection with other men while continuing to rebuild trust with our wives.Tamara Lichfield provides support for women who have experienced betrayal trauma at Becoming Shatterproof LLC. Tamara has been trained by APSATS (Association of Partners Of Sex Addiction Treat...

In this workshop led by Drew Boa, you'll learn how to connect with your inner child like never before. To complete the exercises, you will need:A piece of paper (digital documents will NOT work for this)3 different crayons or colored pencils (if not, just use a pen)A posture of curiosity and willingness to try something newTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mi...

How do you take action after relapse for growth and healing without using shame or punishment? After a porn relapse, what do appropriate consequences look like?Nick Stumbo and Trevor Winsor are members of the Executive Team at Pure Desire Ministries. Together, they host the popular Pure Desire Podcast.Free tools mentioned in this episode:Recovery Action Plan (for when a relapse has occurred)Escape Plan (for when we are triggered or tempted)Relapse Prevention Plan (for day-to-day life)The F.A....

In this episode, you'll hear the inspiring story of George Morning ("Coach G"). We talk about the challenges faced by black men and men of color in outgrowing porn—and how societal pressures, misconceptions, and the normalization of addiction intensify these challenges. Coach G highlights the importance of finding relatable support and the power of positive internal dialogue.George Morning (Coach G) is a Certified Addiction Recovery Coach. After 30+ years as an addict and losing family, finan...

In this episode, I'll share 7 things that shifted my sexual fetish to become less intense, less frequent, less disruptive, and less arousing. NOTE: I believe trying to alter sexual attraction is both unethical and unhelpful. My fetish has not been removed or replaced, and that is not my goal. Rather, my fetish lost its power through a series of shifts that took place as I pursued healing and freedom from porn.Here are the 7 things that helped me:Talking about the fetishUnderstanding the fetis...

What does psychodrama actually look like? In this episode, Rick Carlson tells the amazing story of his psychodrama process at the Husband Material Leaders Retreat. Register now for the upcoming Husband Material Retreat at husbandmaterial.com/retreatThe early bird discount ends on August 1st.Rick Carlson is a Recovery Pastor, Life Coach, and Certified Husband Material Coach. Learn more at comebackcoaching.orgDr. Doug Carpenter is an author, clinical psychologist, and Certified Husband Material...

What is psychodrama? How can it help men outgrow porn? In this episode, Dr. Doug Carpenter explains why this powerful type of therapy creates profound healing experiences and accelerates freedom from porn.Picture this: you're on stage. You're the protagonist in your own drama, undoing and redoing the story of your life. But you're not alone. Your director is attuning to you. Your auxiliaries (other actors) are supporting you by playing the roles you need them to play. Your audience memb...

Have you ever pretended to be fine when you're really not? In this episode, Stephen Thomas explains "I'm Fine Syndrome"—what it is, why we struggle with it, and how to crush it. You'll learn the importance of honoring your wants and needs...and the power of being authentic. Admitting you're not fine is an act of bravery and the first step towards true freedom.Stephen Thomas is a husband and father who has enjoyed freedom from porn and hookup culture for over 14 years. He is a Certified Husban...

"He said at 74, I am having the best sex of my life. At 74, my penis only occasionally shows up for the party. But I am still having the best sex of my life. I wish I had known in my thirties how to have this kind of sex."What is sex ultimately about? How can married couples enjoy sex more? How do you deal with differences in sexual desire? In this episode, Dr. Michael Sytsma offers a robust theology of sexuality AND clinical wisdom on how to unlock arousal, increase intimacy, and have fun in...

Can masturbation ever be neutral or healthy? In this episode, I'll explore complex moral questions about masturbation. Together with a live audience, we'll analyze 10 situations you may have never considered before:A toddler touches his penis to feel pleasureA young boy learns to masturbate from his uncleA teenager masturbates to regulate his emotionsA teenager masturbates while imagining a cheeseburgerA single man committed to celibacy discovers "core-gasm"A single man who has never masturba...

What is masturbation? How does it affect the brain? What does the Bible (not) say about it? What will happen to me if I don't masturbate? In this episode, I'll share insights from neuroscience, the New Testament, and my own story of masturbation. I've been researching this topic for the past 13 years...so I have a lot to share! You'll learn why myelination matters (even in masturbation without fantasy). You'll hear how masturbation combined with pornography has increased widespread erect...

Growing up between worlds, third culture kids face unique challenges in developing their identity and sense of belonging. Can these experiences create a higher risk of struggling with pornography? John Kilmer reveals the impact of moving during crucial developmental stages, and how unprocessed grief and loss can lead to unwanted sexual behavior. Through John's story, we discover the burden AND the beauty of being a third culture man.John Kilmer is a Mental Health Life Coach, Occupational Ther...

How do neurodifferences like ADHD and autism relate to unwanted sexual behavior? How can embracing neurodiversity help us heal and outgrow porn? Candice Christiansen offers powerful perspectives and practical advice. This interview is delightful!For neurodivergent individuals (and same or mixed neurotype couples) who are struggling, Candice is here to help you gain clarity to make your relationship, intimacy, and sex as enjoyable, wonderful, and pleasurable as possible!Candice Christiansen is...

Have you ever thought about confronting a parent, but you're not sure how? In this episode, you'll learn the right questions to ask yourself when considering why and how to confront your parent(s) with compassion. Three important questions to ask: What happened (to them and to me)? How do I feel about what happened? What do I want going forward? Recommended reading (paid link): Adult Children Of Emotionally Immature Parents: How to Heal from Distant, Rejecting, o...

In this episode, my parents share the good and the bad of how they raised me, and how we are healing. It's a story of vulnerability, repentance, and redemption. "All families have difficulties. If you bury them, you grow apart. If you get them on the table and solve them, then you can heal from that." —Sandy Boa "Don't be afraid to go to the person and ask for forgiveness, because God's healing you and he's gonna heal the other person too. If you truly trust Him and you go with God,...

What happens when you grow up in a family affected by sexual addiction? In this episode, Dr. Ken Adams reveals the burdens carried by adult children of sex addicts. This conversation is especially helpful for those of us who inherited sexual shame from our parents. You'll learn why and how to release shame that has been passed down to you...and how to stop the cycle of generational trauma.Dr. Ken Adams is a world-renowned therapist and expert on sexual addiction, shame, and enmeshment. L...

What does it mean to become husband material? In this episode, you'll learn the importance of self-awareness, self-compassion, and self-leadership. Stay until the end for special appearances by 12 Husband Material Men! New opportunities:HMA is reopening in July. Join the waitlist at joinhma.comCome to our retreat in Santa Barbara in September! Register now at husbandmaterial.com/retreatTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join ...

What does it mean to outgrow porn? Dr. Robert Masters unpacks this concept (which he created) with stunning depth and clarity. Robert Augustus Masters is a psychotherapist, group leader, and relationship expert with a doctorate in psychology. His intuitive, uniquely integral work, developed over the past four decades, blends the psychological and physical with the emotional and spiritual.Learn more at robertmasters.com.Buy Robert's books (these are paid links):To Be a Man: A Guide To Tru...

What is emotional abuse? Dr. Jake Porter explains how to identify emotional abuse, heal from it, and stop emotionally abusing others.Dr. Jake Porter is a Board Certified Counselor, Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist, and the Founder of Daring Ventures. He is also the creator of Couple–Centered Recovery, a model for overcoming attachment wounds in couples experiencing the trauma of betrayal. Connect with Jake at drjakeporter.comTake the Husband...

What do I do with my sexual energy—especially if I'm single? In this episode, you'll learn the two types of sexual energy, why singleness can feel like a curse, and God’s good design for sexuality in singleness. You'll also hear real life examples of Christian men directing their sexual energy into deeper connection, pleasure, and creativity.Resources mentioned in this episode:God & Sex (sermon series from Reality San Fransisco featuring Dave Lomas)Finding Intimacy And Community As A Celi...

In this episode, you'll learn why healing must happen in your body. Andrew Bauman reveals why talk therapy is not enough, what "the body keeps the score" actually means, how to use the body to outgrow porn and real-life examples of embodied healing. This interview is awesome!Andrew Bauman is the founder & director of the Christian Counseling Center: For Sexual Health & Trauma (CCC). Andrew is an author and licensed mental health counselor with a Master of Arts in Counseling Psychology...

In this extended episode, you'll hear 8 dramatized examples of mistakes men make while relating to women they have sexually betrayed and traumatized. You'll learn how to offer validation, own your impact, build your confidence, and be proactive. This session from The Porn Free Man Conference will show you exactly what (not) to do to help her heal.Dr. Eddie Capparucci is an author and therapist who specializes in the treatment of sex and porn addiction. He's also the creator of the Inner Child...

In this episode, you'll learn 2 ways to define pornography, 6 pornographic styles of relating, and what it means to be sexually healthy and mature.Resources mentioned by Andrew Bauman:A Pornographic Style of Relating (article)What Is A Sexually Healthy Man? (article)The Psychology of Porn (book; paid link)The Sexually Healthy Man (book; paid link)Sign up for the Husband Material Virtual Retreat on May 5-7 featuring Andrew Bauman!Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this pod...

In this episode, you'll learn what spiritual abuse is and how to heal from it. Chris Inman tells his story of being spiritual abused as a boy and how it has affected him into adulthood.Chris Inman is the creator and facilitator of Porn Free Masculinity, an online intensive recovery program for men struggling with porn and compulsive sexual behavior. He invites men to consider how the blessings and trauma of their stories have curated their unwanted sexual brokenness. Chris helps men transform...

How can bullying contribute to same-sex attraction? Jordan Castille tells his story of being bullied, how that impacted his sexual development, and how Jesus brought him healing and freedom from gay porn.Jordan Castille is a Board Certified Christian Counselor, Sex Addiction Specialist, and Certified Husband Material Coach. He and his wife Cherise have two boys. Jordan loves Jesus, people, video games, working out, learning how to fix things, legos, and his church community. Jordan also does ...

In this episode, Dr. Peter Malinoski guides Drew Boa through the process of unburdening sexual arousal using the internal family systems model (IFS). This type of healing experience can bring tremendous freedom from porn and unwanted sexual behavior.Disclaimer: This is what we call a demo, which is short for a demonstration. Demos are a common way for IFS therapists to practice with each other and to show others what IFS is like. Demos are not therapy or counseling. In sharing this demo, we a...

In this episode, you'll be guided through an exercise using the internal family systems model (IFS). Dr. Peter Malinoski demonstrates how to connect with your "parts"—including parts that might be attached to porn and unwanted sexual behavior.Clinical psychologist Dr. Peter Malinoski is president of Souls and Hearts and host of Interior Integration for Catholics, a podcast helping Catholics embrace their identities as beloved sons and daughters of God. Peter specifically addresses the topics ...

In this episode, you'll learn why healing experiences are essential for outgrowing porn. Dr. Peter Malinoski explains how the internal family systems model (IFS) can help us heal by meeting the five attachment needs we all have. Clinical psychologist Dr. Peter Malinoski is president of Souls and Hearts and host of Interior Integration for Catholics, a podcast helping Catholics embrace their identities as beloved sons and daughters of God. Peter specifically addresses the topics of freedo...

Have you ever wondered how much your crush, girlfriend, fiancée, or wife needs to know about your relationship with porn? In this episode, you'll learn the appropriate level of detail to share when you're single, dating, engaged, or married. This episode is challenging and necessary.✅ Free document: Resources For Partners Of Husband Material MenDownload other free documents at husbandmaterial.com/documents Further reading on therapeutic full disclosure (including paid links):What's A The...

If you were exposed to porn at a young age, this episode is for you. Award-winning filmmaker Benji Nolot explains why children are not voluntary consumers of porn, and why self-compassion is essential for healing. You'll get a powerful glimpse into the humanity and vulnerability of men and women on both sides of the screen.Benji Nolot is committed to the abolition of modern-day slavery by campaigning to shift cultural mindsets and laws that would abolish commercial sexual exploitation. He fou...

In this episode, you'll learn four ways pornography fuels sex trafficking...and what we can do about it. Award-winning filmmaker Benji Nolot reveals what goes on behind the scenes of pornography. Benji Nolot is committed to the abolition of modern-day slavery by campaigning to shift cultural mindsets and laws that would abolish commercial sexual exploitation. He founded Exodus Cry in 2008 after being inspired by the life of William Wilberforce. In everything he does, Benji is driven by a...

In this episode, you'll learn two concepts that can give you less shame and more hope on your journey of outgrowing porn. Resources mentioned in this episode:Sexual Fluidity in Males and Females by Lisa Diamond The Porn Free Man 2023 Conference (now available)Take the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast or watch on YouTube Step 2: Join the private Husband Material Community Step 3: Take the free mini-course: How To Outgrow Porn Step 4: Try the all-in-one p...

In this episode, Rich Wyler answers tough questions with curiosity, compassion, and courage. You'll learn what it looks like to work through internal conflict around sexual arousal and personal beliefs. You'll also learn why unconditional love and acceptance is our starting point.Rich Wyler is the founder of Brothers on a Road Less Traveled (“Brothers Road”), a non-profit, multi-faith, international fellowship of men. Brothers Road is primarily for men from bisexual and same-sex attracted bac...

What habits are most helpful for healing and outgrowing porn? In this episode, Shawn Bonneteau presents a beautiful menu of ideas to transform habits without pressure, perfectionism, or "shoulding" all over yourself in 2023.Shawn Bonneteau is a Christian pornography recovery coach and podcast host at Secret Habit. After quitting porn in the summer of 2017, he has spent his life pursuing God's call to transform relationships through coaching men to find freedom from porn. Shawn is a certified ...

In this episode, I'll recommend 3 resources to help you outgrow porn in 2023. Stay til the end to hear a big announcement about HMA (the doors are closing). As promised, here are my top 5 episodes of Husband Material: How To Outgrow Porn Sexual Arousal vs. Sexual Desire How To Interpret Sexual Fantasies Why Attachment Is The Key To Healing How To Heal Your Inner Child Register now for The Porn Free Man 2023 Online Conference on January 6-7, 2023. Get your fr...

How can I help my partner heal? When she is "throwing rocks" at me, what can I do? In this episode, Dr. Eddie Capparucci shares 10 rules for healthy interaction with your grieving partner: 10 Rules: 1. No Explaining 2. No Surprises 3. Validation, Not Defensiveness 4. Don’t Wilt (Be Confident) 5. Don’t Let Your Inner Child Speak To Your Partner 6. See Her Pain 7. Walk Into The Fire 8. Communicate Before Going Out In Public 9. Own Your Impact, Not Just Your Intentions 10. Prepare Yourself Every...

What's the difference between emotional health and emotional fitness? Why does it matter? In this episode, Sathiya Sam explains what emotional fitness looks like and how you can leverage the added stress of the holiday season to become stronger.Sathiya Sam is an entrepreneur with a passion to see people’s lives transformed. DeepClean, a program that helps men overcome pornography addiction, is Sathiya's most recent work to date. His proven process for freedom has helped everyone from college ...

What does it take to unlock a woman's sexual pleasure? Dr. Keith Gregoire explains how sex actually works, why we need to redefine sex, and how men can become better lovers.Keith Gregoire is a pediatrician who is passionate about building great marriages and equipping couples to parent well. He is co-author (along with his wife, Sheila Wray Gregoire) of "The Good Guys Guide to Great Sex." Together, they have been speaking to couples around the world for over fifteen years, providing healthy, ...

What is a real man? Dr. Joe Martin exposes the lies we believe about our value as men, in contrast to the example of authentic manhood set by Jesus Christ.Wrong perceptions of manhood (what society says):OccupationCompensationEducationReputationIntimidation Authentic manhood is determined by:Leading spirituallyRejecting passivityLoving and serving sacrificiallyDr. Joe Martin is an award-winning speaker, author, educator, and certified builder of men. He’s the author of nine books and the...

Have you been sexually attracted to yourself, or someone just like you? In this episode, you'll learn three types of self-attraction, my own personal story, and what to do if you are sexually attracted to yourself.Come to my workshop "What Do I Do With My Sexual Attractions?" at The Porn Free Man online conference on January 6-7, 2023. It's free. Register now at thepornfreeman.comHere's the Seinfeld clip I quoted: "Falling in love with someone who's just like you" - https://youtu.be/NVDT1ARAB...

What's it like to be a male survivor of sexual abuse? In our very first community-based episode, Husband Material men tell their stories of sexual abuse. You'll learn how to respond appropriately to the needs of male survivors.Mike Chapman is a Certified Husband Material Coach and the leader of our community sub-group for survivors of sexual abuse. Contact Mike at polarlifeconsulting@gmail.com Dr. Doug Carpenter is a clinical psychologist, author, and moderator in the Husband Material Communi...

Is there really a boy inside every man? What does "healing the boy" practically look like? Chris Bruno delightfully demonstrates how to find your younger self and bring him home. This interview is amazing! You'll come away with greater awareness, curiosity, kindness, and healing.Chris Bruno is the Co-Founder and CEO of Restoration Project, and Founder of ReStory Counseling, devoting his life to helping people come alive. He is a licensed professional counselor who has decades of experience he...

Outgrowing porn is not easy. The process is often messy and prolonged. That's why some men have found value in writing a formal break-up letter to pornography. This episode will give you a simple structure to write your own break-up letter. You can also use this structure to break up with an abusive partner or any other unwanted sexual behavior, fantasy, or attachment.Download the free PDF worksheet: How To Break Up With PornTake the Husband Material Journey... Step 1: Listen to this podcast...

"Our most vital relational need is to be emotionally safe...we cannot truly connect with anyone if we don't feel safe in their presence." —Alex Avila But what is emotional safety, exactly? How can you tell if a person or relationship is safe or unsafe? Christian therapist Alex Avila explains what it looks like to protect our hearts while giving and receiving "safer love." SAFER LOVE: S = Slow and soft A = Appreciation F = Feelings E = Empathy R = Responsibility L = Listening O = Openness V = ...

"Your failure in sexuality is what qualifies you to talk to your son about sex in the first place." In this fascinating episode, a father and son tell their story of learning to talk about emotions and sex together. John and Lucas Fort explain what does(n't) work, what's (not) appropriate, and why imperfection is necessary for connection.Buy John and Lucas's book (this is a paid link):Father-Son Accountability: Integrity Through RelationshipJohn Fort serves as Director of Training for Be Brok...

Anti-porn accountability software has come under scrutiny after an article in WIRED Magazine described Covenant Eyes as "shameware" and "just another way the church controls you.” In this episode, you'll hear what's going on, what I think about accountability software, and how to decide if it's right for you.Article in WIRED Magazine: The Ungodly Surveillance of Anti-Porn ‘Shameware’ AppsMy top recommendation for accountability software: Covenant EyesFor those of you who use accountability so...