Leaning Toward Wisdom

Half of the harm that is done in this world is due to people who want to feel important. They don't mean to do harm—but the harm does not interest them. Or they do not see it, or they justify it because they are absorbed in the endless struggle to think well of themselves.

- a line in the T.S. Elliot play, The Cocktail Party
It's another episode of Free Form Friday for October 11, 2024. Enjoy.

Links:

Hot Springs Village Inside Out, the podcast - HotSpringsVillageInsideOut.com 

Barry Switzer article at EPSN



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John Newton said, “I am not the man I ought to be, I am not the man I wish to be. I am not the man I hope to be. But by the grace of God, I am not the man I used to be”.

He was a slavery abolitionist who had once been a slave trader. Perhaps that context provoked his statement.

I can't fully relate to the first 3 statements in the quote...

I'm not the man I ought to be.

I'm not the man I wish to be.

I'm not the man I hope to be.

Not because I'm perfect, but because I'm dedicated to improvement. My own.

Most of the time I am the man I ought to be because a) I know what kind of man I ought to be and b) I work to be that man. More easily, I know the man I wish to be and I'm working to be that man. Ditto for the man I hope to be. For me, the terms "ought," "wish," and "hope" are all synonymous, but ought is the most important one.

How do YOU determine what "ought" means? What's it based on?

Mine is based on the Gospel of Jesus Christ. We all need a standard, some measurement against which we can examine ourselves.

I heard a city councilman on a YouTube video about a horrible drug scene in a major U.S. city remark on how addicts needed faith. Asked if he meant faith in God, he replied that to beat addiction - something he had done himself (he wasn't the man he once was) - a person needed to believe in something bigger than themselves. For many, it is God. Since God is THE supreme being without a peer, it makes logical sense that it should be God.

But the term "ought" means more than having faith in something. It means having something to serve as a standard for your life. Life is filled with standards. They serve us daily.

Time has a standard. Every minute has 60 seconds. Every hour has 60 minutes. Every day has 24 hours. Every week has seven days.

Measurements have standards. One gallon contains 128 ounces. We pump a gallon of gas in our cars with some assurance that we're getting a full gallon and not something else because the government inspects gasoline pumps to ensure they're accurate.

These two examples occupy all of our daily lives. Without them, life would be much more chaotic.

Without standards imagine how crazy our houses would look. With no standard of measurement to follow all construction would be ridiculous.

Some try to convince us that we can establish our own rules of conduct. You get to decide what's right for you. What you "ought" to do. And that might be very different from what I "ought" to do. But that defies the whole point of a standard, an authority.

How about I decide that a gallon of gasoline isn't 128 ounces? It's 150 ounces. Ridiculous! Nobody would accept my personalized "standard." Rightly so because it's not a standard. It's an arbitrary desire.

And that's what is happening today, stretched to the point of being ridiculous. The Bible contains the truth of how humans have always tried to behave when they don't want to recognize God's higher authority, which always has mankind's best interest.

"Every man did that which was right in his own eyes," Judges 21:25. It speaks of ancient Israel who rebelled against Jehovah because they did what they wanted and called it "right." Calling it "right" or what we "ought" to do doesn't make it so. Not unless we're the standard bearer and in matters of right, truth, and morality...we're not the standard. If we were then societies that once sacrificed children in the fire to false gods would have been approved. Nazi Germany would be free from condemnation because in their eyes, they saw it as "right." No, there's got to be some standard recognized as the authority. It's God Almighty.

Despite modern culture's refusal to acknowledge, much less follow, God's standard,

I learned early in sports that to be effective - for a player to play the best he can play - is a matter of concentration and being unaware of distractions, positive or negative.    -Tom Landry
Distractions destroy...

Creativity
Productivity
Efficiency
Accomplishment
Love
Contentment
Relationships
SUCCESS
HIGHER ACHIEVEMENT

Distractions embraced equals selfishness. Colossal selfishness. Because it's pride that drives us to distraction.

Past beliefs about yourself won’t carry you into the future.

Side hustles became a phrase and thing over 70 years ago, but I suppose there's always been moonlighting. That is, going to work, getting off work, then going to another job, even if it's part-time. Today, in 2024 the side hustle isn't what it was - a way to supplement income so you could feed your family. Now, it's an income-producing hobby, often called a passion project, indicating it's something the person claims to love. Presumably more than they love the thing that earns them the biggest chunk of their income.

“You do not rise to the level of your goals. You fall to the level of your systems.” - James Clear

Others have replaced "systems" with "training."

Probably more true - you don't rise to the level of your goals, but you fall to the level of your habits.



That and more on this episode of a "free form Friday" show!





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"It's amazing how someone can break your heart and you can still love them with all the little pieces." -Ella Harper
Mutually desired relationships are likely going to include some heartbreak. I've had my heart broken. I'm certain I've broken a heart, too. Not like you're thinking - I'm hardly a heartbreaker! But I do have the ability, like all of us, to hurt or injure somebody I care about.

Sometimes the heartbreak is because of loss. Like when I lost Rocky and Rosie to old age. These two White West Highland Terriers were fixtures in our lives for the better part of 16 years. Rocky passed first. I was heartbroken. Rosie passed and I was wrecked. They didn't do that to me. Losing them did.

Husbands can break their wives' hearts. Wives can break their husbands' hearts.

Friends can break each others' hearts.

Partners and co-workers can, too.

Let's discuss this topic just a bit. Mostly, we'll get our toes wet and contemplate how to improve avoiding hurting those we care about most.



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H is for home. Since last year, for the first time in our lives, we have split our time between two homes, both starting with "H." Hurst, Texas, and Hot Springs Village, Arkansas. But last night we spent a night in another "H" home - Holiday Inn Express in Hurst, Texas.

Yes, we had a good reason. When you're having knee surgery and your bedroom is upstairs...you improvise. That meant finding a local hotel for at least one night to avoid the staircase. Enter Holiday Inn Express at 820 Thousand Oaks Drive, Hurst, Texas - mere miles away.

It all began when I was told I'd be on crutches at least for the first day following having my knee scoped. I hopped on one of those online find-a-hotel websites. How often do you search for a hotel in the city where you live? Me? Never. I was looking for location, reviews, and pricing. There were several hotels in the area where I was looking. All of them were close to the highway, which would be necessary because I had work the next day and wanted to be able to jump on the highway quickly. My wife chauffering me.

I read a few reviews and settled on the Holiday Inn Express in Hurst, Texas. My surgery was in another DFW suburb, Southlake. But I wanted to be back in the Hurst area #TexasHome. Besides, it was mere seconds from the highway I needed for the following morning. The accommodations were ideal: king bed, mini frig, microwave, desk, sofa and coffee table, walk in shower (one of those kind without any door), and breakfast starting at 6:30 am. I booked it for one night, paying a few bucks extra for the right to cancel it and get a full refund - just in case my surgeon had to change my schedule (he didn't).

Check in was 4 pm. Ok, no problem maybe I can check in early if necessary.

I get all those usual pre-surgery calls you get. You answer a million questions and they confirm a schedule. Then days later they may change the schedule, pushing the surgery up or back. Mine was pushed up slightly. "Check in by 7:15 am," they said. Okay. I'm thinking check-in at the hotel is 4 pm. That's gonna be a problem because I'm likely going to be awake and checked out of the surgical center by 11 am. So I call the hotel directly.

Let me introduce you to Susan Watts-Martinez, General Manager of the Holiday Inn Express in Hurst, Texas. She answered the phone patiently listening to my dilemma. She looked up my reservation, noticing I booked it through an online website. She confirmed I had booked a king room. "I'm happy to pay a little extra to check in early," I said. "No problem, I can take care of you, Mr. Cantrell," she assured me.

This was a couple of weeks in advance of my surgery so she made notes in their system that I'd need a room ready to go before noon. Yes, I told her I was coming there following surgery in Southlake. "We'll take good care of you," said Susan. "Just call us that morning. I'll be here by 7:30 am. That way we'll make sure your room is ready." I thanked her and thought no more about it.

Until we checked in.

As I crutched my way into the lobby Susan came outside and said, "Randy?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"Enjoy your stay and we hope you have a speedy recovery," she said.

I thanked her and went inside making my way to the first room on the first floor, just past the front desk and workout room. Convenient and a short amble down the hall.

We enter the room and straight away I notice on the coffee table a bundle of homemade chocolate chip cookies and two bottles of water with the above note sitting nearby.

Handwritten Note From Holiday Inn Express, Hurst, Texas

"Look at this, "I said to my wife. We remarked how nice that was, then I noticed a large white gift bag with a black ribbon tying the handles together.

"What's this?" I asked.

Let's define "partner" broadly. It could be a spouse, a business associate, a legal partnership, an informal collaboration, a co-worker, or something else. In short, it's a joint venture of some sort. You get to define it the way that best suits you.

My first partnerships were likely being a sibling to my sister who is 6 years older. We may have been too far apart in age to be a real partnership, but aren't all kids with brothers and sisters partners in some sense? I watch my grandkids and it seems not much has changed. As children, we had to learn to get along, work together, protect, and support each other. Okay, maybe there were some fights along the way, too.

Once I got into school I'd often be teamed up with other students for projects. Mostly, I remember doing bulletin boards or something creative. The teacher would assign one or more people to me to produce something. It was my first real experience with frustration in a creative endeavor. I've thought about it often - how early on I should have known I needed to be more discriminating in the ideal partner. Or to consider whether or not I even need or want one.

Through the years one phrase has captured my biggest challenge: being like-minded.

That doesn't mean seeing everything identically. Nor does it mean coming to the same conclusion. I've wrestled with this notion all my life, attempting to distill the meaning of "being like-minded." Maybe there's a better way to figure it out, but my approach was to identify the source of my frustrations. What is driving me crazy and why? It always comes down to, "Is it me, or is it them?" That leads to wrestling with whether or not it's going to require compromise to lower quality. To lower the expectation. To accept good enough. To avoid reaching for something better.

By the time I reached junior high, I knew I was cursed. There would never be a way out. So I started looking for some way forward. It didn't often happen so I learned to pursue things by myself if the thing was important to me. Think school projects.

I had close friends. I had many more friendly acquaintances. I enjoyed being amongst friends. Humor and sarcasm were constant common denominators. But when it came to getting things accomplished, I was sober-minded. Serious. Maybe to a fault. A few people who didn't know me misinterrupted my introversion and seriousness for conceit. But that was never the issue because I never esteemed myself better than anybody else, albeit I did frequently think, "I wouldn't do that" when watching somebody make a foolish choice. I was compliant listening to teachers and parents. Mostly doing what I was told, behaving and always mindful of the situation. I was a noticer which made it easier to avoid problems, easier to read people, but impossible to avoid noticing. As a result, my inner signal-to-noise ratio has never been great. When you notice everything you learn to discriminate between the two, but it's important to distinguish between what you think you're noticing and true evidence. As a young adult, I began to seriously learn what I termed evidence-based intuition. Gut feel is terrific when you notice everything, but it's not error-free, even if it is mostly accurate. Pile on some questions that force you to consider what you know to be true, and the accuracy gets closer to perfect. I've now practiced that for over 40 years and I'm still working on it.

The context matters lest you think I'm just a wild contrarian. I'm not. But I'm driven by accomplishment, not ambition. They can look similar, but the difference is selfishness. Credit. Glory. Honor. I don't much care about any of those. I care about the final product. I care about the conquest. Today, I often use the metaphor of "taking the hill." I'm driven to take the hill in the best method possible. The challenge, struggle and adversity provide the juice. Otherwise,

It starts with an innocuous request, but you notice it's not a request as much as information --- or a subtle command. The person on the other end of the phone is telling you what they're going to do. The problem is that it involves having you do something for them. Something you never agreed to, and something that is an imposition. Worse yet, it's not a close family member. We're mostly ready, willing, and sometimes able to serve our immediate family members with requests that seem otherwise loaded with gall. ;)

Not so this time. This is a friend. I use that term very loosely. The friend is just calling to inform you of what you'll be doing for them because they need it and expect it. No questions are asked. No consent is offered on your part because it's just not necessary. This "friend" has called with 100% expectation that you'll meet their need.

There's not the obligatory, "Would you...?" or "Could you...?" They don't even ask how you're doing, or if you're up to your ears in your issues. The tone in their voice tells you that they know you have nothing going on nearly as important as what they've got going on.

Or, it's the person who invariably calls you with instant ramblings of something only within seconds (or a few minutes at most) of telling you they need to go because they've: a) got another incoming call, b) got another call they need to make or c) got something pressing they must do. Translation: I called you because it was important for me to tell you this thing (which is NEVER important at all, or even substantial)...but now that I've told you, I have no further need for you.

In recent months several close friends lament how often they get such calls. I listen intently to these stories, growing increasingly shocked at the audacity people display toward "friends." Each time I've repeated one story that happened to me over 20 years ago when a "toxic" friend asked me to do something professionally for him. I was home nursing fever and nausea at the time, but I got out of bed, dressed up, and attended a business meeting to help him out. I'll spare you the details except to tell you it was the last time I ever did anything for him. Instead, a few months later I made up my mind to rid myself of as many of the toxic people in my life as possible. He was first on the list.

All take, no give - that's the best phrase I know of to describe toxic people who are always imposing on you without any regard for what may be happening in your life. And while I'm happily telling you that you should learn to say, "NO!" to them so you can say "Yes!" to better people - that's not the point of today's show. But it could be. People matter. Good people matter to help us. Bad people matter because they damage us. That makes it urgent for us to figure out when to say no so we can say yes.

But I'm thinking more about creative endeavors. Particularly, podcasts and content (whether it's writing, audio or video). I'm thinking of the YES that first requires a NO. Mostly, I'm thinking about my consumption and creation. On one hand, I'm the audience. On another, I'm the creator. So what's the difference? And how does saying NO so we can say YES play into it all?

Let's try to figure it out.

I'm asking for a favor that I hope is NOT an imposition. Email me your feedback about this podcast to RandyCantrell@gmail.com

I want to make Leaning Toward Wisdom more impactful - more meaningful - for YOU. I don't quite know how to best do that, but I have a high degree of willingness. 

Mostly, I want to say NO to whatever devalues this podcast for you so I can say YES to whatever might make Leaning Toward Wisdom serve you better!



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Well, it's not true that how you do anything is how you do everything, but still I'm rather fond of the concept because it works. For instance, do you step over things that need to be picked up? I don't mean snotty tissues or other debris that might be a campground for all kinds of filth. Say you're out walking on a trail and you see a discarded soda can. Do you pick it up or leave it? Some would pick it up and others wouldn't. There's also a 3rd group - those who don't see it. Or don't care.

People who notice seem to always notice.

People who pick up things seem always to pick up things.

People who don't pick up something seem never to pick up things.

I've found this to be mostly --- true.

I pick things up. But not every time. Some nasty-looking tissue is likely going to remain as I walk past it. The place matters, too. If I'm on a busy sidewalk I won't pick up a gum wrapper, much less a snotty tissue. In that context, I'm not likely going to stop to pick up anything other than something valuable or something a person may have dropped. Still, how you do anything tends to be how you do everything. But that's not as powerful a phrase.

Social media (mostly) has taught me I have a horrible deficiency. Okay, it's taught me I have many horrible deficiencies with this one included - I don't foster controversy. I'm not polarizing. Absolutes are powerful because they're polarizing and that gets attention. I don't clamor for or yearn for attention. Yes, I want the attention of some to listen to this podcast - and the other podcasts I produce. Yes, I want people to read, or at least scroll through, things I write. Yes, I want people to gain something from the sermons I preach and all the other content I produce - which means first, they have to pay some attention. For me, the context is always the message though. The thought. The question. Provoking thought in hopes our thoughts will drive us to change, grow, and improve. For the past few decades, I've been fixated on improving my ability to figure things out and finding ways to help others do the same.



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Bariatric surgeries have increased over 500% since 1998.

Bariatric surgeries have exploded (that might not be the proper verb) in recent years. Part of the reason is the improved technologies to make it "minimally invasive," but I think it's primarily because people want a fast, easy fix. And now add a new found popularity of drugs like Ozempic ® making weight-loss even easier.

Everybody wants fast and easy. Nobody prefers slow and hard. But there are some things where slow and hard provide a value not found in fast and easy.

After a round of NFL playoffs games as the 2023/2024 season was winding down I heard a coach say something I've heard before, but something I hadn't heard in awhile. He remarked that great football teams do the hard things really well. For months I've thought about it even though I instantly knew he was right. There's beauty and wisdom in the struggle. Never mind that we don't always enjoy it. It benefits us.

There's that old tale of a man watching a caterpillar struggle to escape its cocoon. Figuring he'd make it easier for the butterfly to emerge he got a pair of scissors and snipped parts of the cocoon. Minutes later some creature not even resembling a butterfly escaped the cocoon. Turns out by making it easy he had ruined any chance for the caterpillar to enter a phase of being a butterfly. The struggle required to wriggle out of the cocoon forced life into the wings. No struggle, no wings. No wings, no butterfly life.

It's a good reminder of the value of our own struggles. Even if, in the moment, we can't quite see the future benefit.

In Thy Paths



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More specifically maybe...false assumptions about my (our) retirement...

That you must have at least a million dollars to retire.
That you really need three million dollars to retire with security.
That you should delay collecting Social Security until at least 65, and preferably until 70.
That you should travel.
That you should do all the things you've always wanted to do, but never got around to.
That you'll struggle with a sense of purpose.
That you may struggle with boredom if you're not careful.
That it will cost you much more than you figured.
That it's important to have (and pursue) a bucket list.
That you'll have much more leisure time.



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On Chris Williamson's Modern Wisdom YouTube show with Tim Kennedy, a Special Forces master sergeant and author, Kennedy was recounting the extensive training of special forces. In the fog of war there is no time to think when bullets start flying. It's all reaction. He details the many micro movements of firing a weapon during a fire fight, emptying the weapon and reloading - all within seconds. It's not a strategic - "I now need to do this" - kind of thing. It's something you've practiced tens of thousands of times. So much that when the moment comes, it just happens.

It just happens.

He said you practice it so much, that when the moment comes, it just happens!

But first, it's a slow, arduous journey of working hard.
Everything is hard, until it's easy. Everything is slow, until it's fast. 
This is why most things remain hard to many people. They don't put in the work.

It's why we remain broke, fat and miserable, too. And why too many of us lack faith, gratitude and compassion.

Because it's hard work. It's not couch potato work!

Some weeks ago I mentioned to Lisa Norris, my co-host on the Grow Great podcast (a podcast about city government leadership) that every high-performer I've ever known pursues the hard stuff. They're not complacent. They're all strategic in learning more, growing and adding to their arsenal. I remarked,
"Everything is hard, until it's easy and high-performer are always chasing the hard stuff."
Practice doesn't make perfect, but perfect practice does. That's what we've heard for decades. It's absurd though because it presupposes that our work ought to be perfect in practice (when it doesn't matter as much). However, if the saying speaks to the process of practice being perfect (our willingness to put in the work by doing what we must in order to improve), then it's not absurd at all.

When I heard Tim Kennedy's response I went back to notes I'd been making to myself about preparation (practice). I'm a lifelong fan of preparation. This - and all my podcasts - depict my fandom. I use a broadcast workflow because I'd rather prepare in advance of recording instead of just winging it, then fixing it all in editing after-the-fact. Besides, preparation is where I've found my confidence can be greatly enhanced. And I hate not feeling confident.

What is confidence? Where does it come from? Where do we have it?

Long ago I concluded that my confidence isn't singular. There are a few different types of confidence in my life.

First, there's confidence in God. I'll call it a spiritual confidence. It's based on belief, faith and conviction. It's not an internal faith in myself, but rather it's my inner confidence in something and someone else - something much higher and more powerful than myself. My spiritual confidence is based only on the Bible because it's the only standard I have to inform me about God. Any other confidence based on feelings or intuitions or urges would come from me, not the Bible. That makes them susceptible to being mere delusions so I won't base my spiritual confidence on such things.

Second, there's confidence in others. This is an external confidence based on my belief and trust in others. It may be based on past history or expected future. I'm confident that our family will help influence my five grandchildren to be successful adults, able to navigate their lives well. Ages 16 to 8, it's yet to be proven, but I have confidence in our family and in these children. Maybe it's an optimism based on the work we're putting in to help train them all. But it's not entirely based on the adults in the family. None of these 5 children have shown an unwillingness to be compliant to learn and improve.

My confidence in others is based on past behaviors and on my expectations of their capabilities.

Sloping seems more gentle than stumbling. And graceful. But when it comes to growing older it can be inaccurate. We don't slope toward a face plant. We stumble. We fall. Face-first into the ground.

"Everywhere I look I see opportunities," I said. The conversation was about how we see the world and our place. Me? I have lived life trying to take various hills. Then quickly seeking out a new hill to take. Sometimes the hill is simply making it better. Always making it better - or trying to - is the curse of my mind.

As I approach the beginning of my 67th year on the earth I know the end began on day one. Growing up, children only think about the present or the future. Age urges us to focus on the future and we increasingly lose track of the present. Today wasn't great, but tomorrow will be better. Until we realize our past is larger than our prospective future, which prompts us to remember. Old people don't tend to talk about the future, but they rehearse - often with boring repetition - the past.

In the future, I'm liable to be guilty of the same behavior even though I hate it. I hope to avoid doing it.

The end has begun. The end of many things has begun, sparking the beginning of others.

Experience, not age, has taught me how little I know. And how far I have to go to reach my ideal outcome. Mostly, that ideal outcome is me. Not in some self-centered way, but in the sense that all I will ever contribute to the world is myself. Being my best self. Nothing else matters.

My impact - whatever it may be - is all any of us have to offer. It's not a minimal thing either. It's massive. More so for some than others because our talents, drives, ambitions, and opportunities aren't equal. There's also luck. Mark Cuban remarked that luck was the difference between him being a millionaire and a billionaire. So it goes.

I feel like I've grown. Evidence shows it's somewhat true.

Never mind that some likely view me in light of the worst chapters - or sentences - I've written. Everybody can make up their mind about me, or anybody else. And they do.

My days are spent focused on other people's lives. Largely on their professional challenges and opportunities. Sometimes the focus is solely on their personal lives because what ails them is deeply personal. Challenges come from all angles. Oportunities, too.

The drive to make a difference is always the hill I'm trying to take. The methodology is asking questions.

I figure things out by asking questions. Asking questions provides answers. Questioning answers clarifies existing answers. The focus isn't on me, so the questions are aimed at helping others figure it out. After all, it's not mine to figure out. It's a deep version of the old TV show, "This Is Your Life." It's not my life. I have my stuff to figure out. It's only about me so I can better understand, ask better questions, and improve at helping others figure things out.

Relationships.

Careers.

Faith.

Financial circumstances.

Habits.

Beliefs.

Choices.

Behaviors.

Skills.

Abilities.

Perspectives.

Hobbies.

Preferences.

Everything is subject to change.

Everything decays. Decay starts at the beginning and continues until the end.

But Eternity changes everything because according to God's Word, Heaven has no decay. Hell doesn't either. Bliss or torture without interruption.

That's not how life on earth works. Bliss, happiness, joy, peace - they're all interrupted by decay. Each has enemies that disturb or destroy.

Our lives are subject to change because other people have choices that can interrupt our choices and pref...

February 1974, Baton Rouge. Near the entrance to Louisiana State University. A record store, my favorite hang out. Leisure Landing.

I enter the store and a record is playing. It's alt-country. Weird. Because the guy's name is Ian Matthews. Ian isn't a southern United States name.

I grab the album cover and begin to read the back. Two players who I already admire are on this record. Jeff "Skunk" Baxter of Steely Dan fame and David Lindley of Jackson Browne fame. I love both of these guys. I'm enjoying this record. Ian is an Englishman playing alternative country, folksy tunes.

Some days you eat the bear...

Some days the bear eats you.

I've never heard this artist before.

I've never heard this phrase before either.

But I'm street smart and quickly discern it means, "Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose."

That's today's show. A new episode from inside The Yellow Studio 4.0.

Enjoy!



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"The only way to learn how many plates you can spin is to break some plates. The question of capacity guarantees failure."        - T.S. Elliot

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.  - Jim Elliot (no relation to T.S. that I'm aware of)
I'm not a plate-spinner.

I am able to multi-task, but it's not actually multi-tasking at all. It's really intense focus on a single thing with enough speed to get a number of things accomplished over a short period. That makes it look like multi-tasking.

Themes of the week have been:

Self-control or self-regulation - manifested in the struggles people have with porn addiction, marital infidelity, alcohol, work, parenting, unruly children, loneliness and more
Capacity and resources - what's our limit?
Congruency - frustration in hearing people (often bosses) say one thing, but do something completely different
Failing to figure out how or where we fit - not understanding why or how we're making a difference / wondering if we are

I've got too much going on - too many irons in the fire. I'm working on it and I'll share more.



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Help Me Reach My $1,000 Goal
I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.
The scenery will make for a great backdrop. Plus, there are many places I'd like you to see.
To help, click the link (or the image below) to donate any amount you'd like.
Amazon Gift Certificates (use RandyCantrell@gmail.com).
Thank you!

Shameless

An adjective meaning insensible to disgrace

Retirement

A noun meaning a withdrawal from one's position or occupation or from active working life or the age at which one normally retires

The United States adopted an initial retirement age of 65 with the Social Security Act of 1935. By the mid-20th century, almost all countries had adopted a retirement age of between 60-65. About 40% of Americans receive Social Security retirement benefits as their exclusive income. The average benefit is just over $1700 monthly.


Financial advice is varied, but advisors widely suggest no more than 70% of your retirement income should come from Social Security. If you were to collect the average amount - $1700 - then you'd have a monthly income of about $2400 if that math worked in your life. That's $28,800 a year, hardly a comfortable living for most people.

However, as of this year (2023), the average check to 65-year-olds is about $2500 a month. Apply that 70% suggestion, then your total monthly income could rise to $3600, or $43,200 a year. That's $14,400 more than $28,800.

Lots of people are doing the math urging folks to collect Social Security as soon as possible - age 62. For some, that may make sense. For others, it may not. I'm not an accountant or financial advisor. I'm just a guy sitting inside The Yellow Studio making observations about all this now that I'm 66-1/2, full retirement age.

Full Retirement Age

Full retirement age (FRA) is the age you must reach to receive full retirement benefits from Social Security. Your FRA varies depending on the year you were born. The FRA in the United States is 66 years and two months for those born in 1955, increasing gradually to 67 for those born in 1960 or later. Since my wife and I were born in 1957, 66-1/2 is our FRA. I achieved that in November and Rhonda hit it here in December.


Life is more than numbers, but the numbers matter. What about things other than numbers?

Routine and habits tend to overpower older lives. Neuroscience informs us that we're all subject to habituation.

Habituation

Habituation is a decrease in response to a stimulus after repeated presentations. The American Psychological Association says it involves "growing accustomed to a situation or stimulus," thereby diminishing its effectiveness.

We commonly call it being stuck. Getting in a rut.

What produces satisfaction or happiness?

Meaning is number one. Control is number two.

We need meaning in our lives. Some way where we measure our worth or value in the world.

We also need a degree of control over our own lives. Freedom is choice - the ability to make a choice is largely how we execute control.

As we grow older both of these can be challenges. No surprise because both are challenges no matter our age.

We've all experienced moments where we hit a high in meaning and control. Like that first big raise we got, it didn't seem to last. Things seem to settle into some sort of a norm sooner than later.

The hedonic treadmill is the idea that an individual's level of happiness, after rising or falling in response to positive or negative life events, ultimately tends to move back toward where it was prior to these experiences. It's like that proverbial set point for our weight. Changing that thermostat is hard. Doable, but hard.


This is where habituation is a double-edged sword. It helps us progress and move forward even though it may rob us of some joy. And without habituation, we're incapable of moving. Imagine having to make every little decision afresh every day. How exhausting would that be? So we need habits to a point.

Sorry. My usual show notes don't exist. And I was too lazy this time of year to write them. But I do have a couple of calls to action.

One, join us over in the Facebook group if you care. I'd love to have you in the group.

Two, support my efforts to lean hard into video in 2024. My goal is to crowd-fund $1000. I'm about 50% there so it's coming along. But you can help me out if you'd like (see below).



Please tell a friend about the podcast!

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Thank you!

I appreciate you all very much. Thank you.



Please tell a friend about the podcast!

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I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.
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To help, click the link (or the image below) to donate
Sweetwater Gift Certificates (use RandyCantrell@gmail.com).
Thank you!

The Reality Distortion Field. Guy "Bud" Tribble was Vice President of Software Technology at Apple Inc. As Apple was developing the first Macintosh computer in 1981, Bud used the term to describe Apple's founder Steve Jobs. The term seems to have originated in a 1966 episode of Star Trek when it was used to describe how the aliens encountered by the crew of the starship Enterprise created their own new world through mental force.

It seems the great thinkers who are doers, like Steve Jobs, embrace (and enjoy) living in the reality distortion field of their own making. That is, they see things the rest of us don't. Vivid imagination coupled with obsession drive produces the likes of Steve Jobs and Elon Musk.

Is it distortion though?

It is when compared to the current state. Coupling the term "reality" to it makes it seem as though it's delusion. Something that's inaccurate, or unreal. Not true to the reality. Like a photograph that's distorted. Or the lenses in a pair of mis-prescribed glasses.

The achievements of self-driven maniacs to build great things, or to solve complex problems don't seem to the result of delusion though. Rather, they seem to be imagined by people capable of seeing what the rest of us can't. Yet.
“No great mind has ever existed without a touch of madness.”   ― Aristotle
The madness is subjective. What appears as madness to one feels ordinary to another.
“The reasonable man adapts himself to the world: the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all progress depends on the unreasonable man.”   ― George Bernard Shaw, Man and Superman
I think that term better conveys the truth, unreasonable. It's less of a reality distortion field and more of an unreasonable - or beyond current reasoning - view of what is possible. It's a reality bending field where the unreasonable man adapts or bends the current reality into a new, improved future reality. Then continues to do it over and over again.

Apple is introducing the iPhone 15. I'm currently producing today's show on a 2023 Apple MacBook Pro. Nevermind that just this week Apple introduced some brand new MacBook Pro models. In 1984 I purchased the first Apple Macintosh computer. That was then. This is now. Not even Steve Jobs, in 2011 at the time of his death, could have imagined the current technology. Had he lived, he most certainly would have figured it out though - and who knows what bigger, better products may have emerged under the Apple brand name?

Steve Jobs died 12 years ago (October 5, 2011). Who knows what he may have imagined? Or what things he may have seen as persisted in trying to bend the present technology to fit his vision? It's what unreasonable men do. Mostly, unreasonable people find a way, not an excuse.

We embrace different degrees and characteristics of unreasonableness as we navigate the various chapters of our life.
“Only those who will risk going too far can possibly find out how far one can go.”  ― T.S. Eliot
How unreasonable are you? And in what ways - or about what things - are you unreasonable? Are they positive or destructive?

Some of the titans of innovation have been so focused on what they see and what they want that others around them pay a high price. Sometimes, it's a price willingly paid. For example there are stories of high level employees of Apple and other high-performing companies where they burned out due to the intensity, pressure and elevated expectations. Opting for employment elsewhere, some experience boredom though because the pace is slower, the expectations lower and the strain much less difficult. In the absence of those things that burned them out they realized there was a void in their daily joy so they returned back to the company from which they resigned. Is that unreasonableness positive or destructive?

There's a Chinese proverb that declares owning two houses is a path toward madness. That's probably true, but I wouldn't know. I've never owned two houses 'cause I've never been part of the rich and famous. ;)

I'm practical. And I'm not rich by American standards, but I'm extremely wealthy by global standards (and by my own measurements). I'm content with my life and grateful for every blessing - most of them are priceless any way!

From my practical viewpoint I've never quite understood folks who maintain multiple houses. Even the super rich. The exceptions are those folks who spend a lot of time in multiple places. Do the math and it just doesn't make much sense to me. I remember reading about super rich who own homes all over the world. This particular article mentioned how many days each owner was at any given house. Outside of their primary residence, most spent mere days at the other places. At most. Some admitted they had not visited some of their houses in over a year. Yet, these houses - admittedly mansions each and every one - had hundreds of thousands invested annually just to maintain them. Given that you can rent anything from a single bedroom to a mansion, I just haven't figured out the economic sense of that kind of home ownership. But it's their money and I respect their right to do what they want with their own money. I don't get a vote. I don't want a vote, but I would like to understand. Could be it's far more satisfying to claim ownership of all those houses.

At a more common level may be people who have a primary house, then some vacation house. Years ago I first encountered somebody up lived in a northern state. They'd talk about going to "the cabin" on a weekend. I had visions of some nice getaway place in a remote area. Maybe on a lake. Certainly in some woods. Turns out they had a very small place in a more touristy area that was by a lake. I never saw it in person, but pictures of it showed it was a very modest little 2-bedroom, 1-bathroom house built decades ago. They had purchased it for under $50,000 many years ago and the annual cost was as close to nothing as you could probably get. They'd go visit this place each month, sometimes more. Rather than plan annual vacations they had decided - years earlier - to invest in a single place they felt they could enjoy year after year. That made sense to me.

I know some other folks who invested in a vacation place they weren't able to visit more than a couple of times a year, but it was a place where they hoped to retire one day. As the years rolled on, the property value increased proving they had made a smart purchase by buying it when they could afford it. In some cases, the cost of living in some of these places escalated beyond their reach and they found it better to sell. Sure, they made a handsome profit, but that retirement goal was completely wrecked. In other cases, the property value went up but the people could still afford to cash out of their primary residence to retire to what was once their vacation house.

Having a second place to go - a place to get away to - appeals to many of us. Maybe it's fully an American thing to own a second place versus being able to rent a place. Calling it our own certainly feels differently. But it can feel badly if it's too expensive or too much work.

Sometimes the things that seem awesome turn out to become a big nightmare. Here's an article by Financial Samurai, Reasons Why You Should Not Buy A Vacation Property." You'll find lots of online information and many horror stories. I'm sure for some, it works out magnificently, but it deserves sober thought and an awareness of what could go wrong.

But I'm not here to tell anybody what to do. Rather, I'm going to share what we're doing and then you can figure out what lessons might benefit you.

To get the full value of joy you must have someone to divide it with. —Mark Twain
Rhonda and I went on our first date on July 2, 1975. On January 2, 1978 we were married. This coming January 2, 2024 will mark our 46th anniversary.

Today, let's talk about marriage. More accurately, let's just dip our toe in the water of conversation about marriage.

Enjoy this old Vince Gill song about old love.





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So we can take full advantage of what they know. Their insights, experience and wisdom need to be more easily passed on.



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I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.
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To help, click the link (or the image below) to donate
Sweetwater Gift Certificates (use RandyCantrell@gmail.com).
Thank you!

Critics are men who watch a battle from a high place, then come down and shoot the survivors.   -Ernest Hemingway
I was 11 when I learned how men will clamor for power and authority. Sitting along side my father I watched men wrangle, argue and get worked up. Cooperation was absent. Collaboration wasn’t even an afterthought. The only objective was, "Who is in charge?" And it was apparent to me that more than more man wanted the role. Hence, the wrangling.

Life rolled on and as a young teenager working in a stereo store I saw more of the pecking order. I'd grown up seeing it so it wasn't new. First appearance was likely on the playground as we'd all try to figure out what we'd play. Invariably somebody installed themself as the contrarian - the person who would go against what everybody else wanted. I quickly realized it had nothing to do with preference and everything to do with control. Power. Authority. Hoping to gain an advantage that might be imposed on the rest of us. Thankfully, I grew up in an American that wasn't yet awakened. #Woke Mostly, such tactics didn't work because we refused to cooperate. Lemmingitus would arrive later in America. It's now a global epidemic.

Bullies almost always ran up against a tougher opponent. Or a group of people who figured together they could conquer a single bully who might have a few buddies hanging on. I was still in elementary school when I learned a verbal punch to the mouth could back a bully down. Quickly. It didn't hurt that I wasn't a shrimpy kid. I was tall and husky. Husky was once a size of boy's clothing. ;) True.

Bravery to confront the bully wasn't hard for me. Watching, listening, paying close attention taught me mostly there was substantially louder barking than actual biting. Besides, I wasn't terribly afraid of being bitten. Justice and rightness were more important to me. And peace.

By the time I was in 6th grade I was a world-class peace keeper. Experience will do that. I've no way of knowing how many fights I broke up. Or how many arguments I shut down. Enough that it taught me lifelong lessons in how to do it successfully.

Mostly, I didn't want to be in charge, but I didn't want anybody else to be either. That is, I knew my parents were my authority - and God. But we're all out here in the yard playing and why did we need somebody to be in charge? Seemed best that we all just work to some agreement so we could get on with the business of playing before it got dark and we all had to go home. Playing was way more fun than arguing or fussing.

I grew up. And increasingly saw men (I'm excluding women only because as a boy growing up my experience was mostly with other men) willing to behave poorly as they fought for positions of power. Or esteem.

Pride goeth before a fall.

I'd learned that from the Bible. Heard it preached at worship services. Knew Bible stories that illustrated it well.
Ecclesiastes 10:6 Fools are put in many high positions, while the rich occupy the low ones.
I believed it.

I confess I've never had a day where I thought I was the smartest person in the room. Or the playground. Or at work. Or in the classroom. Rather, I knew I was not. Always dissatisfied with current knowledge and understanding I sought to learn more. Curious enough to ask the stupid question, I'd blindly ask without much thought to how ridiculous it might make me look. I figured I looked and sounded ridiculous anyway, so I might as well know and understand whilst looking and sounding ridiculous!

As with most episodes, I've given this subject considerable thought for a long, long time. Mostly because my curiosity continues to grow on the subject of power, authority, control and tyranny.



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During my first few months at a brand new job - my first job where I wasn't working for my dad - I had a routine. I'd get out of class, drive to work and within minutes of walking into the stereo shop I would make my way to one of the sound rooms (yep, we had actual rooms with various stereo equipment set up; each room had sliding glass patio doors). I'd slip the vinyl out of the jacket, put the record on the turntable, grab a record cleaner called DiscWasher and clean it. Then, I'd lower the tonearm, turn up the volume knob on the amp and enjoy listening to Earth, Wind & Fire sing their famous song, "Shining Star." The beginning (and middle and end) of that song continues to be among my all-time favorites. It was a terrific record.

"You're a shining star, no matter who you are. Shining bright to see what you can truly be."



 

Let's get the obvious out of the way. Not everybody has the same brilliance in their shine. Truth is, some of us are quite dim with no shine at all. Dull. The wasted lives are visible proof. Too many lifeless eyes and emotionless expressions thanks to alcohol, Fentanyl and other narcotics.

Others are so bright others have a hard time even looking at them (or listening to them). Most have overcome adversities few fully know or understand. People determined to find a path forward. Resolved to reach a higher orbit where only the shining people reside.

Notice the lyric isn't "I'm a shining star, no matter who I am." Well, that doesn't quite have the ring, but I notice pronouns. You're - you are isn't the same as I'm - I am. But the "no matter who you are" is inclusive, right?

In our heads, we don't often think or feel like shining stars. It's easy to see others as shining more brightly than we do. Just like it's easier to focus on what we don't have, than on what we do. Or to focus on what we can't do versus what we can. It's like we're always doing exactly the opposite of what's good for us.

I've noodled around with this particular episode for over 3 years. The draft beginning has sat here inside my Wordpress dashboard that long. I'd come to look at it, think about it, write a little bit, then abandon it. Don't know why.

It's not because I didn't like the topic. I guess I got distracted by other things. The likely explanation is that it's just too upbeat and positive. :D

Rhonda's last birthday - this past summer - provoked a revisit of today's show idea. I used to whip her with a letter on every birthday. I don't mean the letter R or some other letter, but a hand-written or typed out letter. I haven't done it the last couple of years because I know it beats her down. She's not nearly as sappy or sentimental as I am. ;)

I can't quite remember what prompted the beginning of this episode. Maybe I was thinking about Rhonda being the foremost shining star in my life. And now, as we're nearing the end of another year, maybe that provoked some ideas.

Then there's all this talk about mental health and the recent suicides in the news.

Then there's the rampant disease of comparison-itis where so many folks let other people determine their level of satisfaction or happiness. It's especially rampant during the summer, vacation months where people Instagram their exotic vacation photos. And others view them with envy wishing they could afford a single night at a local fancy hotel. Envy is a bitter thing.

As I am wont to do, I was thinking of these, and a variety of other things when I came back to this post.

A person you love very much. Let's start there. In my case, my wife of over 40 years. Who celebrated a birthday last Sunday. Our family is officially celebrating this coming Sunday. We do things like that. Delay celebrations to match a more convenient time for everybody.

Many motivational speakers talk about having had a bad day. Most go on to share how they lost it all, or how life crushed them down below the ground level. Or left them homeless and destitute. But...

The Phoenix will always rise back up.

Never mind that quite a few stories we hear are fabricated. But not all of them.

Let's talk about truth though. True stories. Your story. My story.

Reality.



 

"You had a bad day."

Pain is a common topic for many people. I'm not talking about physical, injury-based or sickness-based pain. I'm talking about victim-based pain. "You hurt me," kind of pain. "You did me wrong," kind of pain.

The Internet has increasingly become a place where people enjoy airing out all their dirty laundry and pining about how much trauma they've experienced. For those inclined to see themselves as victims, the Internet is boomtown! A thriving place to enjoy feeling sorry for oneself. And for blaming others for one's lot in life.

In spite of Tik Tok influencers who want to blast the boomers (my generation) for failing to understand things like work ethic, or why we have no clue about life in the world today, or a host of other complaints which every younger generation makes about the older generation (read your history and you'll find many of those hippies who attended Woodstock went on to become quite successful on Wall Street and other places associated with financial success). Every generation thinks it's the smartest one to ever come along until they get old and realize how wrong they were. ;)

I don't care about where anybody is on the timeline of life because there's nothing we can do about it. I didn't have a say in being a baby boomer. I just was. My kids had no say in being Gen X or Millennial. By the way, if you're as confused as I am about these labels I found this chart to be helpful.


Until I saw that chart I didn't know there were 2 distinct groups of Boomers. It's such a big group I suppose they figured it deserved to be split up. Generation Jones Boomers are those, like me, who were too young to be drafted into military service because of the war in Viet Nam. Our parents were mostly those Post War folks, people whose dad served in World War II.

Times Are Always Changing

And with it, language. Words like trauma.



For my generation trauma, suffering and pain denote something very different than they do for a Gen Z person. Being slighted by somebody, snubbed or even ridiculed isn't any of those things for me, but they're common among Gen Z. If you were write a mean, hateful review of this podcast for Apple Podcasts I would not think much of it. I certainly wouldn't be traumatized by it. It would likely cause me no discomfort. I might be puzzled by it, but my viewpoint would have a lot more to do with the author of the review than me. I'd likely wonder what's happening on somebody's life that might compel them to use such a platform to air their grievance. And it'd be likely that the person to write such a review would have never reached out to me because that's not how these things tend to go.

But take that same scenario and apply it to a podcaster half my age and it could devastate them. Might even cause them to quit podcasting. A single hateful review.

A complete stranger wielding that kind of power seems strangely weird to me, but I see it constantly. Podcasters (and anybody else doing something) consider themselves traumatized by some unjust critic. The trauma is only possible because we give others permission. We say YES to whatever it is we think is happening. Or we reject it and move on with our life, which is what I choose to do.

A person has a bad day. They take it out on me. And that affects me how?

During a recent summertime hike we approached the bridge. A recent storm had blown through and knocked down a tree that fell across the bridge. Not a big deal. We just stepped over it carefully. Thankfully the bridge didn't suffer any major damage. Neither did we. It was an obstacle that wasn't there the last time we trekked through the area. It only slowed us down slightly.

Some obstacles are like that. At first glance we may exclaim, "Oh no!" --- only to realize, it's not that bad. Or tough.

Some obstacles are worse. That tree could have collapsed the entire bridge forcing us to improvise by adjusting our course over the creek below. The trek would have been slightly more difficult. The path wouldn't have been as straight-forward or smooth, but we could have followed the path forward. Mostly, it would have been an inconvenience.

Life has shown me that's how most obstacles are. An inconvenience.

We often make them out to be worse than they really are because they're unexpected. They make us spend more time lamenting their existence than we may in figuring out how to effectively navigate past them.

Other obstacles are different and those are the ones I'm most focused on today. The obstacles that present themselves because we're intentionally forging a new path. A better path. One we believe will take us further. Or faster. And because it's a new path things appear like obstacles, but we really have no way to know because we've never ventured this way before. I wonder if we're seeing things correctly.

For the past year plus I've spent considerable time analyzing a podcast that I began in June 2021 - Hot Springs Village Inside Out. I started the show with a co-host, but a year in we both got COVID and I had a whole lot going on. I remained very active behind the scene doing all the production work, including posting the shows and all that mundane but necessary work required to get a podcast out in the ether. I lost interest in co-hosting for a variety of reasons - mostly because it was a podcast about a specific community and I wasn't there as much as I wanted to be. My co-host lived their full-time. It just made sense to me to step away, clear my head - and my deck of all the stuff going on and figure out a path forward. A different, new path.

In March 2023 I moved forward from The Yellow Studio v2.0 to v3.0. Then by May I moved forward some more by going to The Yellow Studio v3.1. You should know that when I built/assembled The Yellow Studio, I'd never done anything like that before. I started from scratch and had to learn. A lot! Over 20 years ago things were much more difficult and complicated. The technology for podcasting didn't easily exist. For a podcaster to do what I most wanted to do - operate using a broadcast workflow - it was hard and expensive because it required hardware. I wanted to hit RECORD and have my sound be as good as being on a Skype call. Yes, Virginia, we were once relegated to making Skype calls because all these other services like Zoom didn't exist.

This meant lots of hardware and even more cabling. Routing those cables was a major obstacle when once conquered left you staring in the face of yet another monster, adjusting the hardware so it'd sound just right. No sooner had I hurdled one obstacle, then I'd be facing a higher hurdle. Or so it seemed. Mostly because the learning curve was steep. But...

Once the obstacles were overcome - and they all were - then it was easy. I simply fired up the machinery, got behind the mic and hit RECORD. Only if a cable or connector failed - or forbid, a piece of equipment failed (yes, it happened a few times), I had a very predictable workflow that...well, it just worked.

Every path forward will most certainly have obstacles, if only your need to learn something new. Usually,

I launched my webcam, put on headphones and sat behind the microphone to record "An Oral History." Parts 1 and 2 were recorded on March 11, 2011. Part 3 was recorded on January 16, 2017. Part 4 was recorded on June 23, 2022. I gave my children copies of Parts 1, 2 and 3. I haven't yet shared Part 4.

Fifteen to twenty years ago I first crafted a document I named, "When I Die." In it, I outlined, in some details, what I most wanted to happen when I die. I would regularly change and edit the document, often driven by the death of somebody. The deaths of close friends would spark greater editing. Life events then began to dramatically impact the document. As my life changed I'd edit the document. I changed the document drastically in the fall of 2018 when I went through some dark times. Since then I've changed it more slightly - tweaking it. I just finished making minor refinements to it this morning, sparked mostly because of the death of "the last man standing."

I made this post on Facebook on July 10, 2023...

The Last Man Standing
He was among a select group of older men who helped shape, influence and challenge me to become better. Always better.
Johnny Elmore, Ronny Wade, Barney Owens and Don King were the giants in my life. Trusted advisors I could call about anything. Everything. And I did call them. I leaned on them because they were stalwart men I could count on.
The Lord's work was always their top priority. My spiritual best was unquestioned. For wise counsel, caring challenges, or correction, I found none better than this group of men. They knew God's Word and how to apply it to our lives. They hopefully saw me at my best, but most importantly, they helped when things were at their worst.
Loving the Lord and His Church was THE common bond, but all four shared a wit, wisdom and humor that resonated with me since I was very young. They were fun. Funny. And it mattered. Men who could laugh at themselves, and others. Men who were slow to "should" me ("you should do this or that"). Instead, they were men open to question. To question the answers we may have thought we already knew. To answer the questions we may have not yet dared to ask. Truth seekers, each one of them. Truth tellers, all of them.
I loved them all very much. For their knowledge, experience, insights, wisdom and candor.
Don was the last man standing in my small, but vital circle of influence. At Ronny's passing I told him so. We talked about how as life rolls along we lose our mentors. I told him I may have to "get younger at that position." But there's no getting younger at that position. There's only the acknowledgement and gratitude that I had them for as long as I did. And I tried to make the most of it without being too intrusive. I came of age under the tutelage of these men. They were watchful protectors over every significant event and decision I made.
In just a matter of months three of them were gone. Barney. Johnny. Ronny. I told Don I hoped we'd have many more years together in the journey. I said, "I'm unprepared to go it alone without at least one old man in my life...tag you're it!" We chuckled...unaware of how little time we had. But in spite of his health challenges in recent years as his outward man began to perish, I was confident that Don's inner man was being renewed day by day. That's a confidence I had in all four of the old men in my life. It's why I was always anxious to hear their wisdom, listen to their counsel and make my decisions accordingly.
I'm thankful to have sat in the presence of these four giants who each helped me stand when I might have crumbled. Men whose influence is sure to outlive them. I loved them all. And felt loved back by each of them.
The following audio was recorded in my house on Friday afternoon, April 19, 2013 when Don and I recorded a conversation about building a good Christian home - a recordi...

"Thank you" is not just a complete sentence, but it's a complete prayer. Not comprehensive, but complete.

Today's special, unscheduled episode addresses the fear mongering, the pessimism, the mayhem, the poor (pathetic) behavior worldwide and why we ought to intentionally exercise gratitude, optimism and fight!

Something or somebody will have dominion over you. You get to decide. Sadly, many are allowing media, culture, government or opinions of others to rule their lives. Jerry Van Amerongen, my all-time favorite cartoonist, created this humorous approach to dominion. But it's a serious matter, deciding whom you'll serve.



 



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I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.
The scenery will make for a great backdrop. Plus, there are many places I'd like you to see.
To help, click the link (or the image below) to donate
Sweetwater Gift Certificates (use RandyCantrell@gmail.com).
Thank you!

Be a buffalo. It's an old tale, which happens to be true. It was also a podcast episode here.

Courage is hard. Fear is easy.

We're all afraid, but that's no excuse to avoid fending off our monsters...and cutting them down to size. Or pulling them up by the roots!

Let's lean harder toward wisdom and away from our foolishness...and our fears.



Please tell a friend about the podcast!

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Help Me Reach My $1,000 Goal
I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.
The scenery will make for a great backdrop. Plus, there are many places I'd like you to see.
To help, click the link (or the image below) to donate
Sweetwater Gift Certificates (use RandyCantrell@gmail.com).
Thank you!

Wishing you well on this first Monday in September. I'm hoping to finish 2023 strong. You?

Thank you. All of you. For your time and attention.



Please tell a friend about the podcast!

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Help Me Reach My $1,000 Goal
I plan to start vlogging from Hot Springs Village, Arkansas because the place is spectacular.
The scenery will make for a great backdrop. Plus, there are many places I'd like you to see.
To help, click the link (or the image below) to donate
Sweetwater Gift Certificates (use RandyCantrell@gmail.com).
Thank you!

It's continuous improvement. That's the objective.

The thing being improved? Storytelling.

It really boils down to all communication.

I wrote down the title of today's show in a little notebook years ago. I was thinking about this podcast and the craft of podcasting. I've purchased and read many books on storytelling. Exceptional storytellers are rare. Most people are guilty of today's title - filling their story with unnecessary (extraneous) details that don't contribute to the story at all.

Let's wrestle with this idea a bit and see if we can learn to lean more toward wisdom.



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A special episode. Answering a few questions, sharing some insights and updating you on the goings on inside The Yellow Studio.



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mor·a·to·ri·um

noun: a temporary prohibition of an activity
I caught myself wanting to put a temporary prohibition on something. Frankly, I want to put a moratorium on a few things. You?



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Today's show was provoked, in some part, by this article entitled, Why 'No One Wants to Work Anymore': Pandemic Market Boom Let Millions Retire.



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Luke chapter 12

13 And one out of the multitude said unto him, Teacher, bid my brother divide the inheritance with me. 14 But he said unto him, Man, who made me a judge or a divider over you? 15 And he said unto them, Take heed, and keep yourselves from all covetousness: for a man’s life consisteth not in the abundance of the things which he possesseth. 16 And he spake a parable unto them, saying, The ground of a certain rich man brought forth plentifully: 17 and he reasoned within himself, saying, What shall I do, because I have not where to bestow my fruits? 18 And he said, This will I do: I will pull down my barns, and build greater; and there will I bestow all my grain and my goods. 19 And I will say to my soul, Soul, thou hast much goods laid up for many years; take thine ease, eat, drink, be merry. 20 But God said unto him, Thou foolish one, this night is thy soul required of thee; and the things which thou hast prepared, whose shall they be? 21 So is he that layeth up treasure for himself, and is not rich toward God.

2023 has been an angst filled year for almost everybody I've encountered. Is that because I'm old? Is it because more of us are about to turn 65 than ever before? Experts who track such things say that in 2024 more Americans will turn 65 than ever before. Maybe that's got something to do with it.

Daily conversations seem focused on income, saving, investing, spending, and acquiring. Some are focused on preparing for a better relationship, but with a focus on financially being in a better place that may foster more success with that relationship. All with some goal in mind. For some, it's a quest for a more grand lifestyle, but for most, it's something more...different. It's a desire move. To start a new, different career. To find or deepen a relationship.

Little doubt that income, saving, investing and spending are big, big topics for all of us.

For some, they're all encompassing because of the importance placed on them.

For others, they're important and assume a prominent place because of the impact they seem to have on just about everything in our lives.

For some, they're more practical. These are matters are a means to an end. But even then, they can sometimes bubble to the top of the food chain because our world is so focused on them.

How rich are you?

How do you define rich?

Health. Does that factor into the equation? Are you doing anything to give yourself an advantage with your health?

Love. Is that part of the math? How do you measure it? Who is the object of your love? What are you doing to be more lovable? What you doing to give more love?

God. Is He part of the formula? Is He an overthought? Is He even a thought at all?



Suppose to live to be 100, then you die. What do you think happens next? Do you think that's it, that's all. It's over? Or do you think you will continue to live in another realm, a new dimension you've not yet experienced?

Compared to eternity a single century isn't even a blip on a radar. It's a single grain on sand on every beach on earth. But in this moment, it seems as though it's all that matters. That's how the rich farmer viewed life in that parable. He was wrong. Wrong for being too focused on accumulating weath. Wrong for thinking he had enough time to relax and enjoy himself. Deadly wrong in leaving God out of his plans for becoming rich. We don't want to make that same mistake.

Click the images below if you care to hear more about God's Word.





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Figuring it out.

That's the point of today's show. Come to think of it...that's the point of every episode.

What are you most curious about? What would you most like to understand? Let's scatter shoot and consider some things. We'll see where it takes us.

Here are just a few things we'll talk about.

My favorite shirts are made by Duluth Trading.

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My favorite action pants are made by Union Bay.

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Back in May I published a podcast episode entitled Spending Control: How's That Working Out For You?

A recent move required all kinds of seemingly extraneous spending. Okay, maybe not extraneous, but aggravatingly excessive from what I wanted. There's moving, truck rentals, fuel, boxes, landscaping, appliances, window coverings, blah, blah, blah.

Well, I'm currently embarking on getting The Yellow Studio version 4.0 assembled. And with two residences there are just some costs that can't be helped, along with a few that could be helped...but we're trying to be strategic about it. For instance, we've got some furniture at place A and some furniture at place B. When family visits place B we need some things - like a place to sleep for one or more kids - that we may not need when place A and place B morph more into a singular place. Even though we're going to keep a place A and a place B they're not forever going to look like they do now. We knew for a year or so we'd kinda sorta be scrambling, but being a bit of a spreadsheet nerd I can report that we've not spent all that much money in redundant items. But still - there are days when it feels like I just want to cut up the credit cards, unplug from the Internet and see if we can go 6 months without buying anything!

I've spent about $400 in clothing, including some new shoes, shirts and pants. I've spent about that much in the past 6 years total, not including buying winter beanies on sale (I got quite a few $20-30 beanies for $5 a piece once the winter weather went away). I don't budget $100 a year for clothing. Gone are the days of buying suits on sale. Or dress shirts. And ties.

A few hundred bucks on things like vacuum cleaner, mops, brooms.

A few hundred bucks on step ladders and a bigger ladder (for cleaning gutters out).

About $500 on things like a leaf blower, water hose, a nice (world-class) nozzle, a rake, etc.

A few hundred bucks on some outdoor back patio furniture, but it's made of that fancy polywood which doesn’t fade, crack or deteriorate.

On and on it goes - a few hundred bucks here, a few hundred there. Pretty soon, it starts to add up.

Now, we're not spending money we don't have, but that doesn't lessen the pain of it. We're not trying to burn through it as fast as we can. We're just finding ourselves needing some things in place B and some things in place A. And some things we need in both places.

The big ticket stuff has been (in this order): appliances (refrigerator, washer and dryer), landscaping at place B and minor construction work for Rhonda's sewing space and The Yellow Studio 4.0. These involved a few thousand dollars each. But the ROI (return on investment) for these is also among the highest because these things are all long term benefits. We won't likely need to replace any of the appliances within the next 10 years or more. Rhonda's sewing room mods and my studio mods are going to last longer than 10 years.

We've spent about $1000 on fixtures/furniture for her sewing room and The Yellow Studio v4.0. We've likely got another few hundred bucks to go to finish both spaces out. Again, these are long lasting items that we'll certainly get our use out of.

Let's talk about these 3 activities and see what we can learn from our foolishness - and wisdom.



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“The time to repair the roof is when the sun is shining.” – John F. Kennedy

Any fool can wish, but the wise plan.

“It takes as much energy to wish as it does to plan.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“Unless commitment is made, there are only promises and hopes; but no plans.” – Peter F. Drucker

“Someone’s sitting in the shade today because someone planted a tree a long time ago.” – Warren Buffett

Today's show was sparked by yet another online article about retirement 'cause I get inundated with them. But in reality, the subject is planning for the future - something every wise person pursues.



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Geoffrey (my dad) and me

I wrote down the title of today's episode on November 22, 2014 at 11:31pm. But that was then, this is now.

It's getting hot here in Dallas.

About a week away from Thanksgiving in 2014. The beginning of the holiday season.

Here in America the annual "holiday season" kicks off, literally on Thanksgiving week. Families will gather around big tables filled with all the usual high-calorie foods, including one appropriately named, "stuffing." And we will stuff.

Here in Dallas, we've got a little football game that has been a tradition since 1966. Every year the Dallas Cowboys host a Thanksgiving Day game. Now college teams are getting in on the action. It's a post-meal tradition that results in a bigger game beyond the one played in the stadium --- seeing who can stay awake to actually watch football.

The day is a celebration. The actual giving of thanks is likely more subtle in most homes. People who may not think of praying to thank God for the food might do it on Thursday, Thanksgiving Day. But I suppose simply being surrounded by friends and family causes even the callous among us to have moments of awareness that whisper, "This is nice." Not all "thank you's" are filled with spotlights and loud public address systems. Some just happen in our head. Quietly.

When you get older and your tribe has increased, you may be more prone to giving thanks. And when I say "tribe," I don't mean Seth Godin's version - those folks who will buy your stuff. I mean family, the only kind of tribe I personally recognize. I'm happy you're here, listening to the podcast but I don't consider you part of my tribe. I consider you a friend.

The holiday season wraps up with the New Year's Eve celebration. Generally, people go from eating more than they should on Thanksgiving Day to spending more than they should for Christmas to drinking too much on New Year's Eve. For quite a few, it's more about excess and over-doing-it than anything! But no matter what you do, or how you choose to live during this time of year, it's universally a time spent with friends and family. And if Thanksgiving Day is a day to consider what we're most thankful for, then New Year's Eve and New Year's Day are days to reflect on the previous year and ponder what a new year may bring. Some are hopeful. Others, not so much.

Ironically, New Year's Day is the time when many people "resolve" to make some improvement. Studies report that most fail. And rather quickly. Less than 3% of all resolutions ever come to fruition. And that might be generous.

As I sit here sweating in June, thinking of cooler times and family, I think of the people who surround me. The ones who call me Dad, or Pappa. We don't need to wait until "the holidays" to realize the responsibility we have to our tribe, that clan of people with whom we're related, either by blood kinship or by marriage. When you're a father, it's mostly the responsibility you feel toward your children, their spouses and their children --- your grandchildren. If you think about it too much the enormity of the circumstance might weaken your stance. Or, it might give you greater resolve and purpose. Oddly enough, it might even do both at the same time.

I was almost 21 when I became a husband. I was 23 when I first became a father. That was almost 43 years ago. It was August 17, 1980 - the hottest summer on record for consecutive 100 degree days in this part of the world. Rhonda was miserable that summer. We had a son, Ryan.

Four generations (2017)

Over 10 years ago my son had a son, his first. And just like that, there were 3 generations of us. My father is 99. That makes 4 generations alive simultaneously. 99. 66. 42. 10. It's an average span of 30 plus years between generations that runs from 1922 to 2023.

I'm going to take a few weeks off from LTW, but first...let's talk about a few things, including podcasting, podcasting stats and the future (and the past).

Thank you for giving me a chunk of your time and attention.

Links:

Ask The Podcast Coach (Dave Jackson)
The Average Guy TV (Jim Collison)
Earthworks ETHOS mic
RodeCaster Pro 2
My other podcasts are GrowGreat.com and HotSpringsVillageInsideOut.com
Some favorite YouTube channels include...
Peter Santenello
Soft White Underbelly
Frank Watkinson
Rick Beato
Real Stories
Tim Pierce Guitar



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Clayton M. Christensen died back in 2020. He was a 67-year-old Harvard Business School professor and management guru. He authored books, “The Innovator’s Dilemma” and “How Will You Measure Your Life?" Clayton had leukemia.

The title of today's show was taken from a Wall Street Journal article about him. He was a man of faith, a Morman. While attending Oxford University, where he also played basketball, he refused to play in a championship basketball game (he was 6' 8"). Wrote Clayton, “Had I crossed the line that one time, I would have done it over and over in the years that followed."

Professor Christensen observed that in the next life God wouldn't likely ask him about being a Harvard professor, but would instead inquire,

Can we just talk about the individual people you helped become better people?

His 2012 book, "How Will You Measure Your Life?" bespoke how he was driven by faith...not just business. Evidently, he believed helping others was a large component of living a good life. That's our topic in this episode of Leaning Toward Wisdom.

It's also on my mind because today is June 10th - my wife's birthday. She's the single most important person in my life and has definitely helped me become better.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY! May the sun always be in your eyes. ;)





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I'm biased.

In favor of superior customer service. I'm fanatical about it. Always have been.

I've spent my professional life operating retailing companies so delivering extraordinary customer experiences has been a top priority for me. And I know a secret - it's not that hard once you make up your mind to deliver it. The problem is very few companies or professionals have made up their mind that they'll excel at it.

Today's world isn't much different than when i started selling stereo gear back in the 70s. Doing what you'll say is still a major advantage.

So why don't more people do it? Because it's a commitment to something most aren't committed to.



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I cry every day.

I laugh out loud every day.

Until or unless we feel something...nothing changes. Feelings can drive our actions and behaviors. I've never known a person embark on growth or self-improvement until they first felt something that compelled a change.

What are you trying to help people feel? What feelings do you hope you're provoking others to have toward you?



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PNC.com has these 10 recommendations in a post entitled, How To Stop Spending Money.

Create a budget.
Visualize what you're saving for.
Always shop with a list.
Nix the brand names.
Master meal prep.
Consider cash for in-store shopping.
Remove temptation.
Hit "pause."
Think reusable.
Keep at it!

There are probably millions of lists like this. Some are just as profound as this one. ;)

I intentionally used the phrase "spending control." It's impossible to stop spending money unless you're dead. But it's very possible to get a better grip on our spending if we want to.

Why This...Why Now?

In early March we sold our house of 25 years and moved. Clearly, it had been 25 years since we'd done it so we weren't exactly in game shape. Lots of things have changed since the late 90s. Our age tops the list. The economy is right up there, too. Our life circumstances, too. Back then we were a family of 4 with two high schoolers. Now we're an older couple with almost 20 years experience in being empty nesters.

Then there's the practical realities associated with our selling our house. We had a built-in refrigerator so there was no refrigerator to move. We included the washer and dryer with the sale of the house...so no laundry to move. That's great on the front end, but when you move you need a refrigerator and a laundry pair. So you have to buy them.

Then there's the impractical realities associated with selling our house and moving. We moved into an apartment just a few miles away from our old house. Refrigerator, washer and dryer included. Great! But we had an opportunity to really disrupt life so we took it. We bought a house miles away and we moved into that. Wait a minute, what? You heard me. We moved twice at the same time. About 90% of our stuff was moved to the house and the other 10% went to the apartment. All at the same time! My body is still paying the price.

Thus began the outpouring of cash. That's why this is currently top-of-mind. And that's why I'm discussing this now.

It's Always A Good Time

Is there ever a time in our lives when it wouldn't be profitable to re-examine our spending? No. It's always wise to be more thoughtful about where our money goes.

John Prine's classic song, Sam Stone, includes the line: There's a hole in Daddy's arm where all the money goes. Dad came home from the Vietnam war injured, physically and emotionally. Now he's a junkie and that's where all the money goes. Where does all your money go? Do you know?

Here's the lead sentence in a recent news story about the United States government spending - specifically, the debt our government enjoys elevating:
As talks over raising the U.S. government's $31.4 trillion debt ceiling intensify, Wall Street banks and asset managers have begun preparing for fallout from a potential default.
Do citizens take their cues from their national government? Or does the government reflect the habits of their citizens? It's a chicken or egg thing. I'm sure somebody smart has studied it. Here in America we love debt because we love spending. We hate saving. More than anything, we hate waiting.
The average American holds a debt balance of $96,371, according to 2021 Experian data, the latest data available.
Anti-capitalism folks blame it on consumerism driven capitalism. I blame it on lack of individual responsibility and low self-discipline. We're bombarded with advertising and marketing urging us to buy. Right now! We mostly listen. And do as we're encouraged because we want to. Nobody is forcing us. We're burying ourselves because we want what we want and we want it now.

Cash Flowing Life Means Living Within Your Means (every month)

I'm blitzed with online articles about health, wellness, retirement, insurance and other things befitting an old guy. After all, I AM an old guy.

Some days ago I saw an article that prompted today's show. It was yet another article about retiring happy. A man working to prepare for his eventual retirement asked his financial planner for examples of people who were happy in retirement. At the crux of the matter is self-discipline. Retirement success is largely about how well people can deprive themselves of spending more than they earn - and who have the ability to save more than they may want to.



 

And there it is - the elephant in the room - our willingness to sacrifice, to avoid rewarding ourselves with the very thing we may want most - especially when that thing isn't the best thing. The flip side is our willingness to do those things we might otherwise not want to do, but we know it's the wise thing to do.



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Will people mourn? Or throw a party?

Will we have regrets about how we spent our time with others...when they're gone?

Stanley was my lifelong best friend. He died on Sunday May 12, 2013. It'll be 10 years tomorrow. Ten years that I've been on the planet without him. I remember him fondly. If I had died first, I'm certain he'd be missing me, too. And I know he'd have remembered me fondly.

Not all relationships work that way though. Sadly.



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1989. I was being courted by a business owner looking for new, fresh leadership. The business was located where Rhonda and I most wanted to be, Dallas/Ft. Worth, Texas. The kids were in elementary school. Early elementary school. Life had been hectic for the previous 3 years. Situations had changed that were beyond our control - things that we didn't feel were favorable for training and raising our children. So, we took our aim for Texas - DFW. It was Rhonda's home and we were familiar with it.

Among our reasons - and in this order - church. Spiritual reasons were at the very top of our list. Next, the kids. Where did we feel we could give them the best advantages spiritually, educationally, personally (future spouses), and careerwise? DFW checked all the boxes for us when we began to strategize ways to accomplish this goal. That was somewhere around 1987. It took me a few years to pull it all together. By the end of 1989 I had started the process. By the end of the school year, May 1990, we had made the transition.

Sometimes it takes awhile. Our goals - what I now call "our ideal outcome" - don't always happen as quickly as we'd like. This ideal outcome was one we had time to carefully consider and plan for. There were days we questioned if it might happen. Mostly, it took over 2 years before I was given the opportunity to make it a reality.

That was then. This is now.

In 2018 another life situation provoked Rhonda and I to ask, "Now what?" The clarity we experienced in 1987 didn't happen this time. It would come much more slowly, like the slow turn of a focus knob on a telescope. In fact, it took a couple of years - not for the opportunity, but for us to even figure out what we might want. "What is our ideal outcome?" was the question we wrestled with. And it was anything but easy or clearcut. Not like life back in 1987. That focus came faster for us. The decision was more easily made beforehand back then because the path seemed evident to us. Not this time.

But this time was different. This was a gut punch. Back in the 1980s it was more of a slow burn. Our knees weren't buckled in the 80s. This time, they were. And that takes more time. To catch your breath. To get back on your feet. Besides, things were well beyond our control mostly so we were having to figure things out in real-time. Deciding how you'll react - asking yourself how you can make the wisest choices - can take time.

When the stakes are high we felt we needed to get it right the first time. There may not be an opportunity to correct it. You don't know.

For me, the barometer has always been regret. Will I regret doing this? Will I regret not doing this?

Back in 1987 I knew - Rhonda did, too - that we would regret staying where we were. We had to make a move. For the welfare of our children. But I admit I hated that we had to do it. It was a move I wished we wouldn't have had to make. It was a sad decision because of what once was - and what could have been. But life does that to us. Throws us curveballs that we must figure out how to hit.

Today, things are different. There is no sadness. I'm not romantic or sentimental about what once was or what could have been. I'm just ready. Ready to move on. Ready to grow. Ready to embrace a new chapter - our encore chapter.

By 2020 our focus was clear. So much so, that by the end of 2021 we had put our money where our mouth and our fantasies were. We bought a piece of property in a place that had captured our heart. A place of solitude. Respite. It was likely because when our knees buckled it was the place we went to sort things out. That was our first encounter with the place. Maybe that made it more special. I don't know, but I do know we found it beautiful. And the closeness of the community, the diversity of the positives (trails, lakes, creeks, trees, wildlife,

It's a digital age and I fully embrace it. But I still need paper in my printer.

Let's ruminate on these and other urgent analog matters facing us in the digital age.



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Computers have a clock speed.
The clock speed measures the number of cycles your CPU executes per second, measured in GHz (gigahertz). A “cycle” is technically a pulse synchronized by an internal oscillator, but for our purposes, they're a basic unit that helps understand a CPU's speed.
The higher the clock speed, the faster the computer. There are other factors, but depending on your computing - gaming, graphics, CAD, video rendering, and other intensive tasks - you'll want the highest clock speed CPU you can afford.

Humans also have a clock speed. I'm not a neuroscientist so I have no idea if it can be measured, but you know it when you see it. We talk about how fast or slow somebody is. Some of us are fast at some things and slow at other things. Some of us are fast most of the time while others are slow most of the time.

Clock speed is evident in our walking pace, communication, handling adversity, facing opportunities, navigating new or strange situations, and just about everything else. Ben Shapiro has an extraordinarily high clock speed.



 

William Buckley had a high clock speed, too. It illustrates how clock speed isn't merely gauged by how fast somebody talks. Like Shapiro, Buckley had a high clock speed intellectually.

 



 

We mere mortals definitely are operating at a slower clock speed than these guys. I'm not sure what, if anything, we could do to rise to their level.

Let's think about our potential, our natural inclinations and upping our performance.



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There are about 9.84 BILLION search results for A.I. - which we mostly think stands for "artificial intelligence." ChatGPT is the latest, greatest, coolest, trickest A.I. It is pretty spectacular. For mere mortals like me, I don't know how A.I. improvement could even be measured, but I do know there's a data gap that is a constraint. A.I. needs high-integrity data.

I'm intrigued by artificial intelligence, but I'm far more obsessed with a different A.I.

Always Improving
“Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do. Do not bother just to be better than your contemporaries or predecessors. Try to be better than yourself.”    ― William Faulkner
We all have default behaviors driven by default viewpoints or approaches to life. One of my major default behaviors spawns from a default viewpoint that things can always be better. Not in some, "let's give it time and it'll sort itself out" kind of a way - but in a "what can we do to improve this?" kind of a way. It's how I see the world. It's also how I see most things. It's a default because I'm not consciously trying to do it...it's more of an auto-pilot thing for me.

Years of self-introspection and self-examination taught me that I did a poor job of properly communicating this for too many years. The power of others - seeing how others view things - proved most helpful so I could see things more clearly. Through my eyes, it looks and feels like the never-ending quest for improvement based on my belief and optimism that just about anything can be made better! It hasn't got anything to do with dissatisfaction necessarily - although I admit I can be dissatisfied with the status quo. It doesn't look or feel critical to me either.

The most helpful thing to me was learning the power of personality traits, specifically my own personality traits. Part of my personality that drives my passion to ALWAYS IMPROVING is summed up in a phrase I've seen when studying about those of us who lean toward perceiving or judging.
Making Things as They Ought to Be
That typifies my life for as long as I can remember. The judgment comes in my view of how things ought to be - that's where that perception comes in.

The contrasting personality trait tends to be more reactionary and flexible, taking things as they come. Their default behavior makes it harder for them to focus on one thing at a time.



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It's happened. The Yellow Studio is in a new iteration.



Let's catch up a little bit and talk about whatever version of your life you may be working on.



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“You only grow by coming to the end of something and by beginning something else.”
― John Irving, The World According to Garp
It's time to say goodbye! Only to The Yellow Studio 2.0. It's officially over. Done.

Next week I'll be getting The Yellow Studio 3.0 set up. Version 3.0 will be a transition studio that I hope will take me through the end of 2023. After that, I'm planning to settle into The Yellow Studio 4.0.

Around 1999 The Yellow Studio 1.0 was born, dubbed with that name because I wanted the walls painted this yellow color. Bright. Sunshiney. Cheerful. That was the goal. And it worked. Especially after I invested in four Ballard Street prints. They worked well with a yellow background. Truth is, everything worked well with the yellow walls as a background.

Over more than 2 decades every "podcast" episode - save those done from the field - was produced right here from inside this yellow room. Except for the first audio files that I uploaded to the Internet, 100% of my podcasts have emanated from The Yellow Studio.

A few friends have inquired, "Are you gonna miss it?"

No, not really. I'm sentimental so I'm leaving with fond memories. The countless hours spent - especially in the nighttime hours when sleep evades me - listening to music, writing, reading, researching, studying, recording, coaching, conversing with friends (in person or online)...an awful lot of life has happened in this room. I'm thankful for all of it, but it's time to turn the page and start creating a new chapter. Time for a new beginning. That excites me.

Version 3.0 will not be yellow, but The Yellow Studio has grown to represent more than a color. It's optimism. Positive vides. Wisdom. Insights. Experiences. It's figuring things out. Learning from mistakes. Always improving! Those things matter more than the color of the walls. But I do love the color. And I will miss that a lot.

What I won't miss is this moving business. Talk about a whipping!

I enjoyed the hard work of purging, but boxing up 45 years of your life together - even post purge - is a ridiculous amount of work. Rhonda has been diligently packing the most tedious items like china, glassware and lots of breakable stuff. Additionally, she's had to box up her sewing room, which has been daunting because of the sheer volume of things she needs to keep. Thankfully, during the transition she'll continue to have some needed space for her craft. Just today I told her, "I'm sure glad podcasting isn't as space intensive as your passion." ;)

I don't plan on skipping more than a beat or two during this move so be patient. I'll try to get back in the groove was soon as I can.

The old "broadcast table" of Version 1.0 and 2.0 is gone!

The old Heil Audio boom arms, which have served me so well for 20 years, gone! They've been creaky for awhile now so it's past time to retire them.

The original Toshiba 43" flat panel TV hanging in the studio stayed in the studio, proudly owned by new masters.

The original Rode Rodecaster Pro that YOU helped me get...not quite gone, but it will be soon. It's pristine and I'll be selling it to help defray the investment I've already made into the newer Rode Rodecaster Pro 2.

Boxed up, but not going away - except for the rest of 2023 - are the Ballard Street prints, the ladies that welcomed folks inside The Yellow Studio, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum - and the dragons and other figurines that populated the studio. These things are going to be safely stowed away in the location of The Yellow Studio 4.0. They'll just remain boxed, safely stored in the comfortable warmth of bubblewrap. ;)

The new studio will have a brand new 62" long desk, on casters. That'll be a first and I'm looking forward to the prospect of moving the studio around ...

The story may date back earlier than 1917. President Reagan made it famous because it was among his favorite jokes. That's likely where I first heard it.

A couple had twin boys who were six years old. Worried that the boys had developed extreme personalities – one was a total pessimist, the other a total optimist – their parents took them to a psychiatrist.

First, the psychiatrist treated the pessimist. Trying to brighten his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with brand-new toys. But instead of yelping with delight, the little boy burst into tears. “What’s the matter?” the psychiatrist asked, baffled. “Don’t you want to play with any of the toys?” “Yes,” the little boy bawled, “but if I did I’d only break them.”

Next, the psychiatrist treated the optimist. Trying to dampen his outlook, the psychiatrist took him to a room piled to the ceiling with horse manure. But instead of wrinkling his nose in disgust, the optimist emitted just the yelp of delight the psychiatrist had been hoping to hear from his brother, the pessimist. Then he clambered to the top of the pile, dropped to his knees, and began gleefully digging out scoop after scoop with his bare hands. “What do you think you’re doing?” the psychiatrist asked, just as baffled by the optimist as he had been by the pessimist. “With all this manure,” the little boy replied, beaming, “there must be a pony in here somewhere!”
With all this manure, there must be a pony in here somewhere!
Dr. Martin Seligman is the Fox Leadership Professor of Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania. In 1991 he published a book, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. As the dad of two elementary school-age kids who were fast approaching junior high, I was particularly interested in seeing if I could help my children learn optimism. Self-talk was a pretty active conversation with my kids because I understood that their futures would be greatly impacted by the messages they told themselves. The book had a chapter about teaching kids to be more optimistic and included an assessment you could give them. I had my kids take the little quiz to display their level of optimism. Turns out they weren't overly optimistic, but nor were they overly pessimistic.

The whole notion of learning optimism stuck with me. Seligman contrasted learning optimism with learning helplessness, the belief that we're incapable of changing our circumstances. Mostly, we think of it as having a victim mentality, but I grew increasingly fond of Seligman's term, helplessness. It seemed more insidious and made me think more people would likely disapprove of admitting helplessness when they might embrace being a victim.

As a dad I spent a lot of time coaching my kids to tell themselves positive messages. That little engine that could may have been an early childhood development story, but it's true no matter our age.
“Think you can, think you can’t; either way you’ll be right.”  -Henry Ford
Many of us have heard this all our lives, but that doesn't mean we've mastered doing it. Frequently there's a big gap between what we know and what we do. The challenge is to control our thinking. Experience has taught me that for many of us, job one is to learn we can control our thinking because it's easy to think we're simply stuck with our thoughts. "We are who we are," is the refrain of resignation. It's as though we're unable to grow, improve and change to develop into a better version of ourselves.

The twin boys in President Regan's favorite joke were predisposed - one toward pessimism and the other toward optimism. We're amused at the behavior of both of them. Maybe you're thinking that both of them reacted ridiculously. Maybe they did, but those viewpoints had a direct impact on what each of them did. They both took action based on how they viewed the situation.

We're closing in on saying goodbye to The Yellow Studio version 2.0. It's where every podcast episode I've ever produced (other than a few field recordings) was recorded. But I'm looking forward to the next chapter, The Yellow Studio version 3.0.

Lots of people want more money, but they don't necessarily have any specific thing they want to do with it. They just think having more of it will make them happy. Or maybe they do know what they want - or think they do. A nicer house. A new car. Exotic vacations. Fancier restaurants to frequent.

Many people want more recognition, but they don't know why. They envy famous people. They imagine what life might be like hearing applause or being chased for an autograph.

Everybody wants something. Everybody wants many somethings. We all want a lot of things.

Does that speak to our lack or our lack of gratitude? Or neither? Maybe it just speaks to our discontentment with whatever the status quo is. Warren Buffett is worth $87 billion, but he's still working every day to achieve and amass more. And he's giving away 99% of it so he's not doing it to lavish anything on himself. Reports claim he lives a fairly modest lifestyle. Ridiculously modest by the standards you'd expect of somebody with his income. So why does he want more?

Why do you want more?

Because you don't yet have it. And when you get it, it won't be enough. Never is.

I'm gonna start by using LTW as a case study.

Leaning Toward Wisdom kinda sorta officially began on Tuesday, October 30, 2001, as a blog. But I was posting content online beginning in the fall of 1996 and using the moniker, "Leaning Toward Wisdom." It was all done in HTML and the domain name wasn't LTW. This was before I was domain name savvy. Proved by the fact that I didn't register my own name domain until December 1999. It would be February 2005 before I'd snag LTW. I'm a slow learner.

Why did I want to start journaling (we didn't call it blogging at the beginning) under the guise of LTW? I was approaching my 40th birthday when I began to chronicle things. Random things. I was all over the board. No focus. Just a bunch of scatter-shooting of thoughts, opinions and takes on whatever was on my mind. I had two kids in high school with my oldest having already turned 16.

I can't remember why I wanted to do it at the very beginning. Maybe it's because the next year I would turn 40. Maybe it's because I could sense the high school days of my kids wasn't going to last more than a couple of more years. I was operating a retail company and putting in the typical long hours required of running any multi-million dollar enterprise. Maybe the journaling was therapeutic. I'm certain it was, but I'm old now and can't really remember all the details of the beginning. Give me a break. The Internet was young and so was I (reasonably so).

Within a year I had put an audio file on my HTML site. No, it wasn't podcasting. We didn't yet know what that was. Keep in mind, Apple iTunes was launched on January 9, 2001. It would be about 3 years before the term podcasting would enter in 2004. But I do remember hearing about and reading about audio blogging. That's what prompted some of my first audio files going up on my horrible website. Hard drive space was hard to come by, and drives were expensive...so no, I do not have those original files. When I abandoned that original website - which I can't remember what it was because I didn't keep any of those original sites - all the content went away. Probably a blessing. I'm sure the stuff was dreadful.

But the point is the question - why did I want what I wanted?

Expression? Brain dumping? Venting? Chronicling?

I suppose all those things were on my mind. I can tell you what was NOT on my mind. Building an audience.

I leave a client's office after a normal, but intense 2-hour conversation. These are common conversations for me. Twice, during the course of a few hours, the client grows visibly emotional. I love these moments because it means we're speaking to issues of the heart. These are the things that really matter.

As I walk to my car, leaving the client's office building, I'm thinking about podcasting, co-hosts, having guests and engaging in conversations. But mostly, I'm thinking about two words: compassion and leadership. Both of which are defined in my mind (at least in part) as "a focus on others."



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Let's do some scatter-shooting today. Today's show covers a few subjects:

Our 45th wedding anniversary (me and Rhonda, not me and you) ;)
My hyper-local podcast, HotSpringsVillageInsideOut.com
Spammers and scammers
Personal pain
Your ideal outcome / my ideal outcome - plan A may give way to plan M, O, or Z
The Starfish Parable
I'm an INFJ-Introvert, Intuitive, Feeler, Judger
The VIA Survey, click here to take it (free) - this is a character strength assessment
Our (me and Rhonda) encore chapter (just a teaser)


“What You Do Makes A Difference, And You Have To Decide What Kind Of Difference You Want To Make.” -Jane Goodall



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During the MLB playoff telecast of the NLCS between Philadelphia and San Diego, game 2, Fox analyst and Hall of Fame pitcher John Smoltz made an observation about failures. He remarked how nobody wants to be that guy who has a mishap or failure during a game...but if you allow it to pole vault you to success it can be a positive thing in your career.

I've seen good athletic coaches approach players who just experienced a disaster and convey the same sermon. "You can let that failure define you as a failure, or you can step up, learn from it and let it define your comeback to success!"

So what's it going to be?

Life is filled with examples where people failed under pressure. Many of them - like a major league baseball player - in a public way. I'm not much of a baseball fan, but you can go read a list of the top 10 major league baseball blunders of all time. These aren't necessarily sustained failures, but moments of time where a player bungled a play. That's important for our conversation today - these are moments in time. But that doesn't mean they lack the ability to become something more. Sometimes a single blunder morphs into another and another...forming a string of failures that can define an entire career.

A moment in time vs. systemic behavior that defines our life --- do you believe we can choose?

Conversations about fate abound. I'm fascinated by how many people embrace notions of fate where they ascribe meaning to everything that happens. They use phrases like "it wasn't meant to be," or "it was meant to be." Whether it's an encounter with a new person, snagging a great parking spot, landing a new job, or not even being interviewed for a new job - I encounter many people who believe these things happen for a reason.

Maybe the difference between us (me and these folks) isn't that great, but it's still interesting to me. They think these things happen for a reason and are largely outside their control. I think these things can be leveraged and used for our growth - which means I think we can choose to use these things 'for a reason,' but I don't think they were necessarily destined to be.

One big thing bothers me about such a notion - fate means we're victims of it. Or victors because of it. It's completely random based on...nothing! The universe or some unknown power puts us in a bucket. Some of us are winners. Some are losers. And mostly, we're stuck with whatever category fate puts us in.

I've not met many people who say it that way. Or who claim that's what they think. It doesn't sound very good when you state it so clearly. But listen to what people say - and how they say it.

A person hoping to make a business deal experiences failure. He tells me, "It just wasn't meant to be."

A person pursuing a personal dream that has yet to be realized due to a few unsuccessful attempts remarks, "If it's not meant to be, then it just won't happen, but I'm going to keep trying."

These are almost daily comments I hear. It's easy to let them impact my own mentality. I sometimes worry if my viewpoint is being clouded by such language. I choose to oppose it, so I work hard to resist the urge to see myself in those terms.

Are they right? Are there things meant to be versus things that aren't meant to be? Does the universe care if my personal dreams are achieved? Or not?



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“In a good bookroom, you feel in some mysterious way that you are absorbing the wisdom contained in all the books through your skin, without even opening them.”
― Mark Twain
Twain was right. I know the feeling well, having surrounded myself with books for most of my adult life.

Only recently did I rid myself of the vast array of books that surrounded me. But it was time and I have no regrets. Hopefully, somebody else is benefiting from the thousands of books I donated not long ago to a local library.

Absorbing wisdom is an interesting phrase used by Twain in that quote. He didn't say knowledge. There's a difference.
“Any fool can know. The point is to understand.”
― Albert Einstein
Here at LTW I've long given my personal definition of wisdom as the model from which each podcast episode is cast - getting it right in realtime. I stand by that definition, but that doesn't mean it's the only kind of wisdom. Sometimes we learn wisdom because we got it wrong - the first time. Now the question is, "Will we get it right the next time?" Fools don't. Wise people do. Simply put, wise people learn, and learn faster.
“Never laugh at live dragons.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien
For our 45th wedding anniversary Rhonda bought me a toy dragon. For some unknown reason, I've dubbed him Carl.



Carl is dragon number 3 inside The Yellow Studio. The first was found many years ago in Clearwater, Florida while on a business trip. I found him in a store one day and kept going back daily wrestling with whether or not to purchase him. He's ceramic and heavy. I was flying home and traveling as light as possible. By end of my last day there, I intentionally waited until close to closing time, walked in, grabbed him and made the store owner an offer, which he accepted. I can't remember how much he was priced originally or why I even decided he might not be worth that amount, but pleased with my discounted price I brought him home to the Yellow Studio where he's been a fixture for many years (over 20). You can likely figure out why I liked him so much. ;)

https://leaningtowardwisdom.com/wp-content/uploads/2023/01/Orange-Dragon.mp4

 

The first actual toy dragon came from the same place as Carl, a toy merchant at a local flea market in Hot Springs, Arkansas, Jimmie. For over 35 years Jimmie has been collecting and peddling toys. Ebay and the Internet have made profit harder to come by for Jimmie, but daily he mans his booth in this flea market jam-packed with toys of all ilks, including an occasional dragon.

Carl and this unnamed orange dragon came from Jimmie. I rather love them all. And recently told Jimmie to be on the look out for whatever might turn into my 3rd purchase from Jimmie.

These are the dragons who now reside Inside The Yellow Studio. And I'm always reminded of that Tolkien quote, "Never laugh at live dragons." I suspect one's first encounter with a live dragon might prove so fearful that a wise person would learn to not laugh, but to take the dragon seriously. So it is with learning wisdom. We may not get it right the first time, but we'd best get it right the next time lest it prove fatal.

As much as we may want to get it right in realtime, that often doesn't happen. And it's mostly okay. Except when it's not.

For years I've shared with you my parental advice, "Don't make a mistake from which you can't recover." We never wanted our children to make a mistake so foolish that it caused permanent or long-lasting damage. We trained them and hoped they'd learn from their mistakes, but mostly...we wanted those mistake to be ones from which they could recover or find redemption from.

It wasn't just parental advice, it was what we tried to accomplish in our own lives, as their parents. Yes, we sometimes got it wrong,

Some time ago I ran across this verse and in short order I wrote the title of today's show: age, broken hearts and the getting of wisdom. I don't agree with every sentiment expressed, but I found it interesting. What do you think about it?



What does it feel like to be old?


The other day, a young person asked me: - What did it feel like to be old?


I was very surprised by the question, since she did not consider me old.
When he saw my reaction, she was immediately embarrassed, but I explained that it was an interesting question.
And after reflection, I concluded that getting old is a gift.


Sometimes I am surprised at the person who lives in my mirror. But I don't worry about those things for long.
I wouldn't trade everything I have for a few less gray hairs and a flat stomach.
I don't scold myself for not making the bed, or for eating a few extra "little things."
I am within my rights to be a little messy, to be extravagant, and to spend hours staring at my flowers.


I have seen some dear friends leave this world, before they had enjoyed the freedom that comes with growing old.


-Who cares if I choose to read or play on the computer until 4am and then sleep until who knows what time?


I will dance with me to the rhythm of the 50's and 60's.
And if later I want to cry for some lost love... I will.


I'll walk down the beach in a swimsuit that stretches over my plump body and dive into the waves letting myself go, despite the pitying looks of the bikini wearers.
They'll get old too, if they're lucky...


It is true that through the years my heart has ached for the loss of a loved one, for the pain of a child, or for seeing a pet die.
But it is suffering that gives us strength and makes us grow.


An unbroken heart is sterile and will never know the happiness of being imperfect.


I am proud to have lived long enough for my hair to turn gray and to retain the smile of my youth, before the deep furrows appeared on my face.


Now, to answer the question honestly, I can say: - I like being old, because old age makes me wiser, freer!


I know I'm not going to live forever, but while I'm here, I'm going to live by my own laws, those of my heart.
I'm not going to regret what wasn't, nor worry about what will be.
The time that remains, I will simply love life as I did until today, the rest I leave to God.



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“Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great.” – Mark Twain
People under 40 tend to think that as you get older your ambitions wane. I was once 40 and I thought the same thing. Until I grew older and hit 50. Then I hit 60. And my ambitions changed, but if anything, they intensified. Then I hit 65 and the intensity had grown even more intense. Compared to my younger ambitions, while very different, my current ambitions are much more focused. My resolve is far deeper than it was when I was younger.

There are many reasons for that, I suppose. Not the least of which is the realization that time is moving quickly through the hourglass of life. "If not now, when?" is a question rolling around in many older, gray (or bald) heads.
“Without ambition one starts nothing. Without work, one finishes nothing. The prize will not be sent to you. You have to win it.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Ambition is hard, but lack of ambition is harder.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.” – Helen Keller
Pain. Struggle. Sorrow. Adversity.

Everybody experiences these things. Daily. If you don't think so, it's only because you don't know. And I don't either. Mostly, we're quite consumed with our problems. We notice others when their problems seem heavier than ours.

The lessons of life (and wisdom) are taught to us through all these difficulties. For some, it crushed dreams and ambitions. For others, it fuels them, causing them to grow even larger. I wish I fully understand why some of us choose to surrender and others of us choose to fight even harder. I could likely help many more people if only I could solve that riddle, but I'm not smart enough to figure it out. I only know that each of us has a choice to make when trouble comes. We can hide (like cattle) or we can run directly into the battle and fight (like buffalo).
“Our ambition should be to rule ourselves, the true kingdom for each one of us; and true progress is to know more, and be more, and to do more.” – Oscar Wilde
It's a tall, tall order to keep ourselves on a short, short leash. Self-control. Restraint. Temperance. Self-discipline. These are hard, but possible things. You've got the power over yourself just like I've got the power over myself. "I can't help myself," is what fools say because it's completely inaccurate. It's an excuse. It's a statement of surrender where people basically declare, "I've decided to be a victim."

I don't know how old you are, or all the stuff you may be battling. And I don't know all the opportunities you can see - much less the ones you can't. We've all got unseen opportunities.

I once considered 40 old. Funny how it morphs over time. As we grow older, our definition of old keeps moving. ;)

With decades of experience in fighting dragons, I've got different ambitions than I once had. Things that seemed important then - and honestly, they were important - are no longer as important, if at all. Part of that is growth and increased wisdom. Part of it is circumstance. When you've got small children you're pursuing some things. When the kids are in high school, approaching college...you're chasing something very different. When the kids leave home, get married and start having kids of their own, it changes even more. And with those changes in situations and circumstances come drastic changes in ambition. For me, they haven't lessened, but they've changed.

Here are my financial ambition-fueled terms: sustainable, predictable, reliable, modest, practical, and probable. 

Turns out almost all my ambitions could be described using those same terms.

Happy New Years!

This is a bonus episode. I wasn't sure if I'd release it or not, but why not? I hope it serves to inspire you to dream your own dreams. And better yet, to pursue them so you can make them your reality. Thank you for listening.  -Randy

I've already introduced you to one woman, Re, my maternal grandmother. The second woman I've not yet talked about, is Nelda, my mother-in-law. Nelda passed away from breast cancer when she was only 42. Rhonda and I were in our first year of marriage so my exposure to Nelda was limited to the few years I dated Rhonda and that single year of our married life. Rhonda was Nelda's firstborn. Five more would follow. At the time of her death, there were still children at home.

My perspective of Nelda, while limited, now consists of being the husband to her daughter. I suspect Rhonda has qualities like her mom. For starters, her mother always seemed strong and resilient. Her daughter, my wife, is. Nelda's spiritual fortitude heavily influenced the family. When Rhonda was a little girl Nelda went looking for a spiritual environment in which to raise her children. She found the truth found only in scripture. Had she not done that, I would have never met Rhonda - because we met at church.

When I began dreaming about Re's Retreat - I told you about that idea back in this episode. I told Rhonda about it, but I also told her I had her mother in mind and that my ideal outcome would be to also create another space named after her mother, Nelda's Nest.

We'd daydream about it. We'd make notes. We'd share ideas - house ideas, decorating ideas.

The idea for some short-term rental spaces didn't start with the 2 women who were important in our lives, but they quickly entered the picture for me. And I held to the notion that I only wanted to create awesome, comfortable spaces for couples because that's what I knew. Rhonda and I had experienced a variety of spaces so we had firsthand knowledge of what we liked, what we disliked, what we wish we could find, and more. While we're not qualified to speak for everybody - and certainly our preferences may not be everybody's preferences - we felt like we knew what would work. Namely, what would likely work better!

The memories and influences of two important women put pressure on us to get it right.

I define wisdom very simply as getting it right in real-time. That's our daily prayer...that we'll make wise decisions.

We've always felt the appropriate pressure to get decisions right, but it's more intense now that we're older. I've likened it to landing a plane, the metaphor for achieving our next goals. At our age, the runway is shorter so we have to really hit our mark. There's little room for error. That advice we always gave the kids, "Don't make a mistake from which you can't recover," reverberates. We may not have time to recover so it's urgent and important that we get it right in real-time!

The dream began a few years ago as we contemplated turning 65. Not because of retirement, but because that's when you must register for Medicare health insurance coverage (without any penalty - apply for it outside your initial enrollment period and you'll pay more). It's an important mile marker that was fast approaching, but it was just one of many mile markers.

Cognitive decline is a fact of life. I read an article published online on the National Library of Medicine website entitled, "When does age-related cognitive decline begin?"

I'm not a physician so I wasn't able to understand all of it, but it confirmed some things I already knew to be true from my observations. While I'm 15 years past 50 I still feel like I'm mostly in good shape cognitively. Of course, I could be nuts. How would I know? :D

I've seen older men in my life display cognitive decline that was most n...

“A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.” ― Hunter S. Thompson, The Proud Highway: Saga of a Desperate Southern Gentleman, 1955-1967
Reinvention.

It seems an odd word when applied to us, to our lives - to who we are or who we hope to become.

He tells me he'd like to reinvent himself. Oh, okay. I wonder what he means so I ask a few questions hoping to understand. "Into what?" I ask. We laugh, but it's a serious question, even if the tone is lighthearted. He pauses and I continue the snarkiness with, "Something better I hope!" More chuckles.

"Really, tell me what you're thinking," I ask.

For the next few minutes, all I hear is about the past with a bit of the present sprinkled in. Mostly things I already know. But they've got a familiar ring to them. They sound like...excuses. They sound like a front, a cover story.

Being the Hunter S. Thompson fan that I am, I thought of that line Hunter wrote long ago. "A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance."

When he comes up for air, through the reciting of excuses, I ask, "What's stopping you?" Acting as though he didn't hear me, he says, "Sorry?" So I repeat it, "What's stopping you? What's stopping you from this reinvention?"

Experience had taught me he'd likely go down one of two paths. One, he'd be bold and answer. Not many people do that. Two, he'd wind up with more excuses. That's the course he took. I wasn't shocked.

After a few more minutes even he seemed exhausted with making up excuses and crafting a cover story to hide why he wasn't yet choosing to do something about this life he himself had built. The not-so-surprising thing is, like all the rest of us, he was vocalizing the many reasons why life had imposed on him circumstances and brought him to this point in life where he wasn't satisfied, much less happy. It was all these influences on him that were prompting him to desire a change, a "reinvention" as he called it.

I'm not completely impatient when it comes to history or looking at our past because I realize the value in understanding it well enough to know why we may have learned what we've learned. I also know that deep down, most of us are the 11-year-old version of ourselves. Stuck in time, not because of hard wiring, but because of choice. I see it almost every day.

She grew up with hardly enough to eat. Now, as a mom, she's fixated on making sure her kids eat even more than they'd like because she's remembering her own childhood hunger. Well, her kids aren't her and intellectually, she knows that but she's unable to forget her own experiences and it provokes her to battle an enemy - hunger - that her kids don't even face!

That was then. This is now.

I had a history professor inform us how history just keeps on being produced. We never get ahead of it. It's a conveyor belt of events and people that just never stops. Our lives are the same way. Whatever your history is matters, but how much? I mean, this woman hasn't been hungry for years. And it has no bearing on things today, except that it's so imprinted into her she won't let it go! Heavy emphasis on won't, not can't. Besides, if hunger does ever reoccur, stuffing oneself right now won't eliminate that.

So Mr. I Want To Reinvent Myself is going on and on about things that have already happened. They matter, but again, the question I have is, "How much?" So I ask him. "How much does any of that matter?"

More "here's my story and I'm sticking with it" ensues.

It's now time to use his own language against him for his own good.

"Well, if you want to reinvent yourself then doesn't that mean you invented yourself to begin with?

A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject.
-Winston Churchill
I must not be a fanatic. ;)

Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.
-George Bernard Shaw

I grew up mostly thinking that change meant the potential for improvement and growth. Sometimes I was disappointed, but not always. Turns out life sometimes disappoints, but not always. So change isn't that unique.

Some people take a stand against change declaring how much they hate it. They prefer sameness and predictability. It's comforting.

Then some love change because they're quickly bored with sameness. They prefer spontaneity, and like things to be more unpredictable.

I don't feel like I fit into either category because there must be shades of grey between these two extremes. For starters, I rather object to change for the sake of change - except when it comes to moving furniture around. I kinda prefer to have a reason behind the changes I want to make - I want the change at least to have a good shot at being an improvement. I'm more interested in things being better, not just different!

In that regard, everything is subject to change, even if it's only my ability to understand it more clearly. It doesn't mean things like absolute facts or truth change, but my view of them certainly can. And sometimes, it should...because sometimes I have things wrong. It's not the facts or truth that need to change, but ME.

I started pondering how culture increasingly seems fixated on changing everything other than ourselves. When we don't like something or agree with something, it's less about us changing our viewpoint or increasing our understanding - but instead, it's about doing whatever we can to impose altering the externals.

When we are no longer able to change a situation - we are challenged to change ourselves.
-Viktor E. Frankl

The problem is that sometimes the situation isn't the problem. We are.

For a long time, I've been interested in the impact prescription opioids have on the human brain. Young. Old. Men. Women. It doesn't seem to matter. I've talked with older people in their 80s who have a family member (also in their 80s) and they describe the behavior of their loved one exactly the same as those in their 30s describe a much younger man. "They're behaving like a teenager with a rebellious streak. Selfish. Blaming everybody else." It doesn't seem to matter if they're a young man or an old woman. The opioid user has little or no awareness. It's just not how they see things. Or themselves.

Rarely have I encountered somebody suffering chronic pain, under the care of a pain management doctor, who found their way out of the opioid abyss, but once in a while, I run into them. Their story is also universal. "I can't believe that was me," they'll say. They rehearse all the awful things they did, all the damage their addiction caused, and with guilt written all over their face, they'll remark how unbelievable it is that they couldn't see themselves as they truly were.

It was everybody else. It wasn't them.

Culture and society make that same declaration every single day. I grew up hearing about "Johnny" and how everybody is out of step except "Johnny." Truth is, Johnny is the problem, not everybody else. But like the emperor with no clothes, Johnny has no clue.
-----------------------------------------
The Emperor's New Clothes by Hans Christian Andersen
Many years ago there was an Emperor so exceedingly fond of new clothes that he spent all his money on being well dressed. He cared nothing about reviewing his soldiers, going to the theatre, or going for a ride in his carriage, except to show off his new clothes.

“Inspiration is the windfall from hard work and focus. Muses are too unreliable to keep on the payroll.”
― Helen Hanson
A muse is a person or personified force who is the source of inspiration for a creative artist. I'd modify that definition slightly by saying a muse is any source of inspiration for creativity. Do you have a muse? Have you ever?

Through the years of Leaning Toward Wisdom, I've talked about two that have occupied The Yellow Studio from the beginning - for over 22 years.

Books.

A guitar.

Back in July, I started The Great Purge. Around 1,500 books exited The Yellow Studio, donated to the local library where I suspect the majority were sold in an annual sale to raise money for said library. The few I decided to keep - well under 100 titles - were boxed up and safely stored away for the next chapter of The Yellow Studio.

By mid-August, whatever muse the books served was gone. Or was it?

The books were gone, but any muse - source of inspiration - was far from gone. Sleep and the books were gone, but the inspiration was running wide open. I began to get on an unprecedented recording roll prompted by hours of writing. Feelings, phrases, words, quotes, lyrics, and photographs prompted the chasing of many ideas. I'm not saying any of them are good. You're clicking PLAY so you can decide that. I only know that I had more episode ideas brewing than ever. Usually, I'm working on 4-6 show ideas, half of which never see daylight. About half of them languish and never get fully developed. Suddenly, in the span of about a month I looked and realized I had about twenty drafts going - show ideas that had a title and at least a couple of paragraphs of notes. I began to look at the totality of them to figure out the ones I most wanted to push across the finish line.

One idea begets another. It's always worked that way for me. There was no attempt to keep that habit in play though since I already had so many episode ideas to pursue. But it happened anyway.

I'd sit here inside The Yellow Studio, headphones on listening to the BoDeans, or Dawes, or The Heavy Heavy, and start noodling on one idea - one draft. And a phrase or lyric would hit me, prompting me to open a new draft where I'd create a title. Just a title. Maybe one sentence to make note of what I was thinking of at the time. Then I'd go back to my original work.

"Great! Now instead of finishing one idea, I've created yet another one," I'd think. Never mind. I'd trudge forward trying to finish at least one episode.

I leaned into the process.

Until I got COVID. My first foray with the virus. I'll forever blame my contracting it on my poor sleep habits, provoked mainly by all the changes I was planning. Changes I desired and changes I was looking forward to - but changes that were putting my mind on a higher octane than it had experienced in some time. My mind wasn't racing so much as it was doing cartwheels. I'm usually a bit more settled than that. But as we both know, we've never been HERE before. We've never been this age, in this place, in these circumstances, trying to do whatever it is we're trying to do. We're all in unchartered water as we enter a new day. Or night.

I thought about the muse and my references to my two most-mentioned muses. The biggest muse - the one that required the most space and was the most obvious - was gone. I was no longer surrounded by all the book spines that had surrounded me for years. And I was happy about it. I never experienced the sadness or difficulty that I predicted. Before The Great Purge, I had dreaded it, fearing I'd struggle to decide which books to keep and which would go. However, on the first day of sorting, I found myself fully engaged to see how few I could keep and how many I could part with.

My first recall of such a thing was likely from watching stories about war. Combat was a popular TV show when I was a kid. It was a show about World War II and aired from 1962 to 1967.

Men would be injured in combat and their buddies would tell them, "Don't worry. We're not leaving you behind." The U.S. Marines have been known for never leaving anybody behind, even fallen comrades. Vic Morrow, as the sergeant in Combat! was awesome as Sergeant Chip Saunders. In 1982 Morrow and two children were tragically and gruesomely killed when a helicopter crashed on top of them during the filming of The Twilight Zone. They were on the ground acting out an escape from Viet Nam. When I heard the news I remembered all the times I was glued to the TV watching Combat!

In 1966 I was nine. I bought my first record - at least the first one I can remember. It was by a Green Beret sergeant, Barry Sadler.



Known for never leaving a man behind, I was fascinated with the Green Berets, likely because the news of Viet Nam was always talking about them. They were among the first Americans engaged in that "conflict." When you're a kid and your country is embroiled in a war it's bound to have an impact. I wasn't attracted to the guns, the violence, the injuries, or the death. I was attracted to guys working together, heroism, and having such a single-minded focus. The camaraderie fascinated me because as a little kid, I'd never experienced that. Yet. I was in 5th grade when I played on my first sports team, tackle football.

I had never been in a spot where I had to leave a friend behind. On the playground, I didn't leave a friend behind if I got selected to form one of the teams. That's as close as I'd ever come to having to decide if I'd leave a friend behind.

When I read this little story - I think I first saw it on some pet website about dogs because I'm on the board of the Westie Foundation of America...and I love dogs.
A man and his dog were walking along a road.
The man was enjoying the scenery when it suddenly occurred to him that he was dead.

He remembered dying, and that the dog walking beside him had been dead for years.
He wondered where the road was leading them.

After a while, they came to a high, white stone wall along one side of the road.

It looked like fine marble...

At the top of a long hill, it was broken by a tall arch that glowed in the sunlight.

When he was standing before it, he saw a magnificent gate in the arch that looked
like mother-of-pearl, and the street that led to the gate looked like pure gold.

He and the dog walked toward the gate, and as he got closer, he saw a man at a desk to one side.

When he was close enough, he called out, ‘Excuse me, where are we?’

‘This is Heaven, sir,’ the man answered.

‘Wow! Would you happen to have some water?’ the man asked.

‘Of course, sir. Come right in, and I’ll have some ice water brought right up.’

The man gestured, and the gate began to open. ‘Can my friend,’ gesturing toward his
dog, ‘come in, too?’ the traveler asked.

‘I’m sorry, sir, but we don’t accept pets.’

The man thought a moment and then turned back toward the road and continued the way he had been going with his dog.

After another long walk, and at the top of another long hill, he came to a dirt road leading through a farm gate that looked as if it had never been closed.

There was no fence.

As he approached the gate, he saw a man inside, leaning against a tree and reading a book….

‘Excuse me!’ he called to the man. ‘Do you have any water?’

‘Yeah, sure, there’s a pump over there, come on in.’

‘How about my friend here?

Romans 12:2 "And be not fashioned according to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is the good and acceptable and perfect will of God."

Mind transformation isn't just a religious thing, it's a human thing because God created us in His image.

Genesis 1:27 "And God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them."

The fascinating thing about this is not that we're god-like because we're not. But we are. We're created in the image of God and I don't fully understand everything that means, but I can grasp major chunks of what it means. For starters, the entire Creation event shows us the power of God to think in advance. To first see it in our mind. God created the Universe and the Earth by thinking it into existence. We don't have God's power so we're unable to do that physically, but because we're in His image we can pre-think something before it becomes reality.

In January 2017 The New Yorker published a story entitled, "The Voices In Our Head: Why do people talk to themselves and when does it become a problem?"

The author of the piece mentions literally talking to ourselves. Something some of us do. Others don't. And neither one makes us any saner than the rest. It's an interesting article even if it is a bit off-track from how we're going to discuss the inner voices that each of us do encounter every day.



John Sebastian wrote a song back in 1974, Stories We Could Tell. The opening lines include:
Talkin' to myself again
and wondrin' if this travelling is good
Is there somethin' else a-doin'
We'd be doin' if we could
Whether your talk to yourself verbally - out loud - or whether you're talking to yourself silently in your own head...you ARE talking to yourself. Some of us are more verbose in our talking to ourselves than others. Just like we are out loud maybe. ;)

So the issue isn't whether or not we're talking to ourselves...but rather the question is, "What are we saying?" And why?

By introducing mind transformation hopefully, you'll consider - if you're not already convinced - that barring some challenge (mental illness, PTSD, or some other issue that requires professional assistance) you're in control of yourself, and equally important, your thoughts belong to you. That means mind transformation is possible. But what is it?

Simply put, it means you can control what you think about. You can control how you think about something. You can control what you focus on and what you ignore. You're responsible for your own life, first by being responsible for your own thoughts.

Rhonda and I are in the car talking about the choices people make - the foolish choices. Somebody's infidelity in their marriage was the prompting topic. We discussed how such poor choices happen. I remarked, "They (the unfaithful spouse) think about it, decide they want it, and then act on it. I guess, to them, at least in the moment, it seems like a good idea. Kinda like a person who steals or robs finds themself needing money and immediately they start thinking of who or how they rob somebody. Most of us don't immediately go to those thoughts. Instead, we likely think of what we might be able to sell, or how we might be able to find a job - or a better paying job."

"If it is to be, it's up to me."

I've heard that phrase as long as I can remember. It's intended, in part, to be empowering. To help encourage us to be proactive. But more deeply it signifies that we have the ability and opportunity to pre-think our lives. We can see our future before it happens. Mentally, we can make it whatever we want. That doesn't mean it will happen as we think. It doesn't mean we can think it into existence. Only God can do that,

Ebb Dawson

Ebb Dawson, that deep-thinking philosopher character on the old TV series, Green Acres, is the person who uttered today's profound title.

I've loved that line since I first heard it. I have no idea how long ago that was. I was a kid who watched The Andy Griffith Show, Green Acres, F Troop, I Dream of Jeannie, Bewitched, and McHale's Navy.

An online article entitled - 6 Signs You Can't Afford Your Lifestyle - prompted me to think about what Ebb said. Let's see if we agree with the list of signs you can't afford your lifestyle...because you're losing (blowing) all your money.

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I ran across an older online article entitled, "The value of owning more books than you can read." Well, that grabbed my attention. So I clicked and began reading, realizing I'd heard some of these ideas before in The Black Swan by Nassim Nicholas Taleb.

Having just rid myself of over 1,500 books, it's a worthwhile conversation I think - to consider if we value books and how. I'd love to hear your thoughts.

I see this headline: In U.S., Poor Life Ratings Reach Record High.

That got my attention. For starters, I had no idea what the Poor Life Rating was. Turns out Gallup has an index. That's kinda sorta the business they're in. And we mostly trust the surveys and research Gallup produces.

Sometime earlier I had seen another online article about how Americans felt about the future. Turns out, according to the article, 75% of Americans felt like our best days were behind us.

It sparked an immediate question, "Where are people pinning their hopes? Are people really thinking Joe Biden is going to save them - or destroy them?"

Let's wrestle this down a little bit.

“It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriages.”
― Friedrich Nietzsche
It's a lack of a lot of things. And a big shortage of other things. But today we're going to focus on men and husbands.



Most divorces are initiated by wives. Attorneys, psychologists, sociologists and other folks smarter than me attribute much of that to the skill women have to sense danger. It seems logical, especially if children are involved, that a woman craves safety for herself and her children. Other research indicates women divorce because they feel held back in the relationship. Maybe the husband doesn't do enough work in the relationship and the wife grows increasingly discontented. Ironically, many experts that I read claim women generally forgive infidelity, but they continue to forgive emotional neglect or abuse.

I'm not an expert on such things, but I do know that men and women are different, but the same. Men crave respect. Women crave love. Both battle unhappiness, which for some is the sole goal of life while others mostly are content with avoiding unhappiness. Men have one particular problem that I've seen throughout my life. Generally speaking, I've found it to be mostly a uniquely male challenge. Rage.

I know it seems an odd way to start a conversation about strong men who go the second mile, but I'm beginning here because I suspect every man knows it's problematic, or can be. We can move forward toward becoming strong men when we recognize our rage and what form it takes --- then get busy addressing what we're doing to do with it. Strong men figure out how to properly direct and control their rage.

Rage is a typically male problem, not because males exclusively experience it, but because we find it tough to properly direct it. There are some chapters in the Bible, in the book of Romans, that speak specifically to the battle that goes inside each of us - male or female. That is, here's what we want to do, which is often contradictory to what God wants us to do. There are times when we kinda, sorta want to do the right thing, but then we also want to do what pleases us. The battle ensues and the question is, "Where will we direct our rage?"

Will we look in the mirror and direct it toward harnessing ourselves (self-control) or will we direct it outward toward others because we choose to blame them for our struggle?

These ideas are not new. Or novel. And I don't profess to have mastered it all. I don't even profess to properly understand it all, but I do understand it enough to know it can destroy lives and relationships.

Rage isn't only expressed in an outburst of anger. It can be fuming, frustration and silent. Rage's manifestation depends on the personality of the holder. As we look more deeply into strong men who go the extra mile...let me challenge you to think about your rage and work harder to understand it, and direct it in a more purposeful way that serves your marriage instead of destroying it.

Today, I'm going to speak specifically to men and more specifically to married men. But no matter who you are or what role you have in a relationship, I hope you find some value in the conversation because the subject is important - being a strong man. Going the second mile.

First, for those unfamiliar with the Bible permit me to explain what the second mile means and where that expression comes from.

Matthew 5:40-42 (American Standard Version) "And if any man would go to law with thee, and take away thy coat, let him have thy cloak also. And whosoever shall compel thee to go one mile, go with him two. Give to him that asketh thee, and from him that would borrow of thee turn not thou away."

Commentator James Burton Coffman said of this passage...
Does anyone live up to this? Certainly,

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorns have roses.” ― Alphonse Karr, A Tour Round My Garden
Season 1, episode 18 of Everybody Loves Raymond was entitled, "Recovering Pessimist." Debra, Ray's wife, urges him to be more positive after he remains sour post winning Sportswriter of the Year. He enters their bedroom with an enormous trophy that accompanied the award and utters the line, "It has to be too good to be true." Reluctantly, Ray tries to change his natural negative outlook, but his family, ever the Negative Nellies, influence him with their usual lackluster enthusiasm for life. Always at the ready to throw cold water on any good news, Ray's parents thrive on constantly putting people down, including each other!

The newspaper where Ray works promote him after the award. He's working hard to become an optimist, but it just doesn't seem to be working until he returns home to the news that his boss wants him to cover the Iditarod in Alaska. A smile breaks out on his face and his wife asks him why he's smiling. "Cause I'm back. I'm a pessimist and I'm back!" ;)

Ray so identifies as a pessimist, he's unhappy being anything else. It's easier for him to automatically think of the worst instead of the best. To give a negative connotation to what could otherwise be a good thing. Raymond is like all those people who enjoy being miserable.
“The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.”  ― Mark Twain
Do you overestimate the likelihood of worst-case scenarios coming true?

Twain's quote is interesting because, for some reason, he focused on a very specific age - 48. I was reading a number of journals dealing with mental health and noticed a focus on people between 18 and 35, based largely on the brain development of the pre-frontal cortex. There's also lots of talk (and writing) about our ancient brains being wired to keep us safe. Many theorists love to think about us being on the constant lookout for wooly mammoths and other pre-historic villains. These same folks think the earth is billions of years old. Never mind that the Bible chronology would date the earth closer to 6,000 years old.

Last time I looked, our modern culture has plenty of dangers - likely as many, if not more, than our fabled pre-historic counterparts. Our "worst-case scenario" thinking prevents us from making foolish choices. Sometimes.

Browse through YouTube and sooner than later you'll encounter some videos (there are entire channels devoted to this) where police behave poorly. In almost every video I've watched, some officers escalated the situation rather than de-escalating it. That's what we do with our "worst-case scenario" thinking. We sometimes escalate it rather than choosing to DE-escalate it. The outcome is never as good as it may have been if only we had chosen to ramp things down - not up.

Why would a police officer amp up a situation? Well, it depends. I've watched a video of officers who pull over a group of motorcyclists who have been racing through traffic, popping wheelies, and creating some extremely dangerous situations. A supervising officer amps things up by going off on the cyclists, lecturing them on the havoc they've caused. He's angry. He likely knows how awful this thing could have turned out if his officers hadn't successfully pulled these guys over. He's making a point and I get it.

On the flip side is another video where officers approach a man minding his own business. If we can believe what we're told about this encounter, the man did nothing to provoke the police, but they're suspicious of him. He provides identification but refuses to allow them to search his vehicle. He recites his rights and his video irks the officer. Repeatedly the officer demands he turn it off, but he continues, repeating his rights.

Today's episode is out of the ordinary 'cause I felt like being out of the ordinary. It's a focus on life in general and the urge some seem to have to not participate in life. Some, thanks to COVID, are terrified of what life might be like if they were to resume normal living. Others seem to struggle with mental health for a variety of reasons.

"I remember it the way it should have been."   - An old man once told me whilst reminiscing about the past

A truthful admission. Confession is good for the soul. But accurate recall is also good. And right!

Remembering the right thing requires that we first do the right thing. The only way to remember it the way it should have been is to have done what should have been done. It's like telling the truth versus telling lies. Tell the truth and stop worrying. Because it's the truth. Tell lies and you have to become a master juggler or be found out a liar. It begins with doing the right thing. Telling the truth. Making the right decision. Doing what's right.

That's how we can prevent the need for convenient amnesia.

An NFL quarterback throws a pick-six (an intercepted ball the opposing team runs back for a touchdown). The announcer remark, "He has to put that behind him and forget about it." Within minutes when the quarterback gets the ball back, we find out whether or not he can forget the horrible mistake he just made.

Sports are filled with such instances. Aaron Judge is chasing a home run record as I hit record today. The pressure must be intense. After all, he's a New York Yankee chasing a Yankee and an American League record, but he's currently stuck on number 60. Striking out. Walking. Base hits here and there. Does he let his mind linger on the strikeouts? Maybe. His ability to forget it and move on, knowing the next at-bat is going to be a new opportunity to achieve the record --- that's going to make the difference in his success. He'll figure it out. Great athletes almost always do. It's one trait that makes them great - their ability to practice productive amnesia.

Convenient amnesia is delusion. It's inaccurate and heavily biased in our favor. "I remember it the way it should have been."

Productive amnesia is moving forward. It's the realization that we failed in the past, but now we're going to take advantage of the opportunity in front of us. 



"Regrets, I've had a few," sings Sinatra in that classic song, My Way.
Regrets, I've had a fewBut then again too few to mentionI did what I had to doI saw it through without exemptionI planned each charted courseEach careful step along the bywayAnd more, much, much moreI did it, I did it my way
Too few to mention is likely an understatement for most of us. If we're willing to be honest with ourselves.

For me, it's less about regrets and more about what lessons those regrets teach me. I work at fixing my mind on a single question, "Now what?"

Convenient amnesia gets in the way because of pride. I may not always want to admit I was stupid, foolish or that I failed. A big part of convenient amnesia is also that woulda-coulda-shoulda feeling we've all had. Those times when we wished we had made a different decision, or taken a different action - those times when we regret what we did or we regret what we neglected to do.

Six to eight months ago - and before - when the real estate markets were going crazy we talked about putting our house on the market, but we weren't ready. For lots of reasons. Mostly because we had yet to embark on our mission to purge and declutter our lives. We talked about it, but we had yet to back our ears and do it.

During those times people stabbed a "for sale" sign in their yard and within days (sometimes hours) the houses were scarfed up, sold above asking price in many cases. We're feeling that woulda-shoulda-coulda feeling about it, wishing we had prepared ourselves to take advantage, but we didn't.

It's not the first time we've felt that way. Truth is, real estate has never been my friend. ;) All our married life we've found ourselves, due to career moves, needing to leave one place and move to a different place where the marke...

Let me start by acknowledging my dad's 99th birthday today. Born on September 29, 1923, he's seen quite a lot in his lifetime.

Geoffrey "Jeff" Cantrell celebrates his 99th birthday today

I grew up hearing, "You never until you try." I wish I could say that trying was always easy.

My biggest fears as a kid involved girls. Go figure.

Logically, I was bold. Practically, I was a coward.

My best friend had a girlfriend, but no car. I had a car, but no girlfriend. He wanted to go out on a double date so he began pressuring me to ask out somebody. Anybody.

I had a friend - she was in our social circle and we shared many classes - who I liked. She was attractive and popular. We were at his house mulling over a strategy and I mentioned I'd like to ask her out. He was less than encouraging telling me that she'd never go out with me. Stupid on his part since he had no car and was wanting me to ask out somebody. Oh well. We were 16 and not terribly savvy about such things.

I pushed back asking him, "What's the worst thing that can happen? She rejects me." His stupidity continued though, "And she tells everybody she knows, which is EVERYBODY."

I'm in his room thinking that if she does that it'll have a lifespan of less than a day. High school drama about something so small is sure to be bested by something larger within a 24-hour high school news cycle.

But I was scared. Scared to dial the number. Scared to talk to her.

Inexperience does that, which is why my favorite quote remains...
Everything is hard until it's easy.
Nothing about this was easy. Dealing with my friend. Working up the courage to figure out what to do, and what to say. Controlling my heart rate. It was all hard.

Eventually, I dialed the number and asked her. She accepted and my buddy was completely blown away. The guy just didn't know when to quit being stupid. It took a while before he celebrated the fact that we now had the double date booked - the double date he was desperate to make happen. No, at this moment after I hung up the successful phone call he was dog-piling the whole situation with disbelief that the endeavor had proven successful.

I didn't know if I could, but I tried. Turns out I could get a date with a girl who my buddy thought was beyond the reach of a troglodyte like me.

I was younger than 16 when I first picked up a guitar. I wanted to learn. So I bought a book. I tried. Well, okay, maybe that's too strong a term to describe my effort. And maybe I was less motivated for this endeavor than I was in asking a girl out for a date.

Weeks passed and it seemed to me that my mind just wasn't going to cooperate with me learning the play the guitar. Even if my mind did kick in, I wasn't sure my hands would comply. Besides, there sure seemed to be a lot of math-like skills required.

YouTube didn't yet exist. Neither did the Internet. Cable TV either. We were still burying dinosaurs in those days so everything was harder!

I don't think I lasted a month. I gave up. I tried and failed...destined to own guitars from then on, but never being able to play on.

Trying doesn't insure success. Trying harder won't either. Sometimes we fail no matter how hard or how long we work at it.

During a late-night headphone music session Gavin DeGraw's song, "I'm Gonna Try" began to play. It's an older 2013 song of his that I hadn’t listened to in a while. I'd already been thinking about a few things I wanted to try as we're making some changes in our life. I wasn't thinking too much about whether or not I could because most of the things I was pondering were things I was 100% confident I could do.

I had been thinking about time together with my wife.

"You boys, settle down."

"Stop that foolishness."

"Behave."

Whenever Stanley and I were together those were common refrains from the adults observing us. It happens. When you're kids.

We didn't feel foolish. In fact, we felt quite smart. And wondered if cutting up and laughing out loud was foolish, then wisdom wasn't likely going to play any part in our future.

Today I don't ascribe the same meaning to those phrases. I’m very settled. Down. And hopefully, I've stopped most of my foolishness. Truth is, I never did feel very foolish because I was mostly a sober-minded kid. That last admonition is one I've delivered more than any other. "Behave," can mean a variety of things depending on the situation. That's why I love it so much. It's universally applicable.

I loved laughter and levity as a kid. Still do. I confess I don't engage in either one as much as when I was a kid, but the innocence of childhood helps. The burdens of adulthood don't.

Making people laugh used to be an ongoing quest. Provoking laughter was a major investment of our time. Not all kids did it, but we did.

Jim Valvano gave an impassioned speech when he accepted a 1993 ESPY award. He was dying of terminal cancer, but in normal form, he delivered his speech with enthusiasm. Part of his speech included the admonition for people to love, laugh, cry and think. Every day. I do.



I know not everybody does. But I also know not everybody is wired to be as prone to these emotions as I am. Maybe better said, not everybody is wired to be as expressive about these things as I am. I don't judge people. We're all different. In how we feel and how we express those feelings.

Love, laughter, and levity aren't personality traits. They're part of the human condition. For each of us. How they're expressed varies based on our personality. Our personality also largely influences how pervasive they are in our lives.

There are some distinct differences in these things and I can't fully explain why I've coupled these three L words. Of the three I suspect levity may cause the most disagreement or debate.

Levity has one particular definition that I'm drawn to.
the treatment of a serious matter with humor
Some likely think of levity as the opposite of being sober. I don't see it that way. And I don't see it as disrespectful. I think levity can be disrespectful, but so can laughter. Context matters.

I'm using each of these words, separate and together, in the most positive way. I admit it's easier to see love and laughter that way. Levity isn't nearly as common a word and I suspect people largely think of it as immature behavior. Maybe it is, but I still think it can add a powerfully positive force to our life.

Some of the times where levity has been most common in my life are during times of drama. Funerals. Hospital visits. Visiting people suffering some tragedy. That's why I lean mostly on that definition of levity - "the treatment of a serious matter with humor." Levity is complex. And quite complicated. Of the three L words, it's the one that requires the greatest skill. And not everybody can initiate it or even participate in it. Some people are very awkward about it. It's one of the most uncomfortable things for me to witness. Somebody attempting to inject levity, but failing miserably. And most have no clue that they're getting it so wrong.

"I'm so lonesome I could cry" is sometimes replaced with "I'm so lonesome I need to laugh...so I don't cry." Properly used levity is a tension breaker. Improperly used it's awkward, disrespectful, or embarrassing.

Watch any standup comedian. Preferably a good one. It's highly likely they'll incorporate levity on some very serious or dark subjects.

1 Timothy 2:1-2
First of all, then, I urge that supplications, prayers, intercessions, and thanksgivings be made for all people, for kings and all who are in high positions, that we may lead a peaceful and quiet life, godly and dignified in every way.

I just watched the funeral of Queen Elizabeth II.

Regal.

Formal.

Spectacular.

Historical.

As many have observed, she wasn't part of history, she was history.

70 years and 214 days. The longest reign of any British monarch.

From February 2, 1952, until her death on September 8, 2022.

From Winston Churchill forward, she ruled 15 Prime Ministers.

Dignity.

Composure.

Poise.

Such a death compels millions to consider simultaneously consider death. So it goes with the death of the extraordinarily famous. It helps when they're as beloved as the Queen.

Hundreds of thousands lined the streets in London and all along the procession which carried the Queen to her burial place in Windsor at St. George's Chapel.

The Queen architected the details of her funeral, including the songs that were sung.

She wasn't likely able to architect the details of her life though. Born into royalty in 1926 she was trained as I suppose all sovereign children are - how to be royal.

Before we think about our death, we have to think about our life, deciding how we'll live.

I often think of the moment our soul departs our body and our spirit enters the eternal realm. Especially during times like these - the death of a famous person.
But why do you judge your brother? Or why do you show contempt for your brother? For we shall all stand before the judgment seat of Christ. For it is written:

“AsI live, says the Lord,
Every knee shall bow to Me,
And every tongue shall confess to God.”


So then each of us shall give account of himself to God. Therefore let us not judge one another anymore, but rather resolve this, not to put a stumbling block or a cause to fall in our brother’s way.


Romans 14:10-13


It's true. There are no dead atheists.

I often think of what the dead now know with certainty that we may not quite believe. Or know.

Like now. What does Queen Elizabeth know that she didn't know before? What does any departed soul now know that went unknown or unrealized while in this body?

What can I know and understand right now that I may not be knowing or understanding? How can I lean harder into wisdom that is eternal, not just earthly? How can I know and understand things that transcend this life?

It's largely the focal point of a project I began during the Pandemic, In Thy Paths.

The death of a Queen, this particular Queen, is a momentous event in history. It's even more momentous for her soul, which continues to live on. God, the Creator, who rules over all, will be the judge of all.

I hope the death of a Queen provokes all of us to carefully consider the King that sits on the throne of our heart - the one to whom we bow and serve. For many, that king is themselves. But God, the Father, has given us a Savior, a King, a sovereign above all others. Jesus is a King with the power to give us Heaven forever.



P.S. Today is also the 72nd anniversary of my parents. That's right. They were married over a year before Elizabeth became the Queen.



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It's an impromptu special episode. A few bullet points may be helpful.

We've always cash flowed our life, or tried to.
Two pivotal milestones impact every American's encore chapter: a) Medicare (when you reach 65) and b) Social Security (when you reach 62 or full-retirement or age 70).
Retirement means different things to us than "not working" or "not earning income." We want to continue to earn income and continue to live within our means.
Modest living is a goal. Not austere living, but modest living. Frugality is a way of life, unapologetically.
We're living our lives for ourselves (and each other). God remains THE priority, but when the encore chapter days arrive, you realize - if you're married - that your lives together are now what remains. And it's great if you put in the work! I'm putting in the work - or trying to. My wife is the most important person in my life. It doesn't mean I don't love kids, grandkids, and the rest of my family, but it means I know I'm not the most important person to them. And I'm good with it. It's the cycle of life and how it ought to be.

Success is the ability to move from one failure to another without loss of enthusiasm.
Often attributed to Winston Churchill or Abraham Lincoln although there's no evidence either man said or wrote it. Both men did speak and write about resilience, persistence, and never giving up. No matter who said it, it's wise because experience tells us it's mostly accurate. Of course, it depends on how we define "enthusiasm." If we mean exuberance, maybe not so much if our focus is on the cheerfulness part of it. I'll take a shot and give you my definition of enthusiasm, as it relates to that quote.
The ability to persist, to push through, regardless of the adversity
You can interpret it differently, but that feels right to me because success requires each of us to do things we may not want to do, or things we don't enjoy doing because we're pursuing something we think will be worth the sacrifice and effort.

Today, let's wrestle a little bit with this universal challenge - a loss of enthusiasm.

Happy Birthday to my sister, Lexie. She is my only sibling. Six years older than me. 

When I was a kid growing up, folks reached 65 and it was considered the age at which people stopped working. Companies seemed to ordain that once you were 65 you were done. Finished.

Now that I'm 65 it feels so wrong. And incongruent with how the world works today.

I look at old photos of my grandparents when they were still in their 50s and they seemed so old to me at the time. Even through the lens of my 65-year-old eyes today, those old photos depict people much older than my current age. Never mind that they were a full decade younger than I now am - they looked old. They acted old. But they lived in a world where their peers looked and acted in a similar fashion.

I'm not sure how to properly define the lines of life, but mine seem to fall into a few different categories: spiritual, mental, relational, professional, and financial. There's nothing absolute about these, but I can use them to illustrate the point of today's show.

Spiritual is upfront because eternity changes everything. That makes our spiritual life the most important part of our life. Spiritual is the priority so it spills over into every other area.

Mental is next for me because it overlaps all of the others, too. It encompasses feelings and beliefs. It also includes our inner drive - the motivation we exhibit when we display the energy we have to achieve whatever it is we're aiming to achieve.

Relational matters because it's our interaction with others. From our closest relationships - like marriage - to our most casual - like some social media friends we've never met in person. Without this, there is no influence or impact on others. And without it, others have no influence on us either.

Professional is what we choose to do to earn a living.

Financial is our relationship with money. It includes the decisions we make with our money. Where we spend it. How we invest it. How we might waste it. Anything else involving our money, including our stuff!

These are a few of the lines I'm thinking about, but that's not all of them.

I'm also thinking about the lines between who I am and who I most want to be. There's the person I am versus the person I'm working to become.

I'm thinking of the past, present, and future lines, too. We all have a past that has contributed to helping us be who we now are. And all of our choices are going to impact who we're likely to become.

As you can see, our lives are filled with lots of lines. It's easy to understand how they can become blurred. Sometimes it's hard to distinguish between them. For example...

It's Always About The Money. Ok, Not Always, But Often!

Yes, that's cynical. But mostly realistic. Regardless of our age money is the ever-present elephant in the room. Every room.

I'm not saying money matters above everything, but I am saying that money is a preoccupation with most of us. We spend the greater part of our lives earning it or trying to. Then we spend time lusting for things money can buy.

Money (financial) can crossover and impact all those other areas or lines.

I'm old. I've had no-telling-how-many conversations with people about money and luck. And timing. Permit a qualifier. I've only had a few conversations with people who were chasing a dream in the arts and performance areas of life. Those folks wanted fame. They wanted their work to be seen, heard, or experienced in some way. But since I started out in small business as a teen, most of my conversations have been with people who mostly wanted money - MORE money than they currently had, or were earning.

Preparing for your time to come means preparing so you can at long last make MORE money.

Maybe I heard it because I was born in Oklahoma, a state with quite a bit of native American history and heritage. As a boy, I remember being fascinated whenever we’d find an arrowhead. The story likely came from that Indian culture I was around as a kid. I can’t be sure. Either that or it may have been because Oklahoma is also smack dab in the middle of tornado alley. Thunderstorms are a way of life around these parts (Oklahoma and north Texas).

The illustration is powerful. It deals with buffalo and thunderstorms. For those who may not know, thunderstorms travel from west to east. Cattle and buffalo react when the dark clouds start rolling in, signifying a coming storm. The cattle run east, away from the storm. The buffalo run west, directly in the path of the storm.

Question: Which animal is in the storm the longest?

Answer: The cattle…because they’re traveling with the storm.

The moral of the story is to behave more like a buffalo. Lean into your problems. Run into the storm. Don’t hide. Fight. We all have to endure the storms. It’s up to us how long we endure it. We can be like a cow running away from it, hiding. It just means we’ll be in the storm longer. Or, we can be a buffalo and fight. Face our storm by charging into it knowing that our time there will be much briefer than we ran away from it.

Storms are coming. I don’t know what they’ll look like, but the clouds are rolling in. Wave after wave. Some darker than others.

Springtime in Texas means thunderstorms and possible tornados. Lightning and hail are ordinary when the clouds are really dark.

Our life storms are no different. Some are violent and threatening. Others ramble a bit with thunder, but don’t produce much wind or rain. Some are predictable and forecasters appear to have prophetic powers. Others pop up suddenly, catching us off guard. Around here, you have to be prepared. When the sirens sound – warning us of a tornado sighting – we know where to go inside our house (or to our storm shelter if we’ve got one).

Damage depends on the severity of the storm and the preparedness of the people enduring it. When winds approach 100 miles an hour, you’re not going to prevent damage to your house, but you can stay safe. Houses can be rebuilt, new roofs can be installed and cars repaired or replaced. When you know what’s coming – and you prepare for the worst – you can survive. Battered maybe. Even bloody perhaps. People in these parts want to do what we can to survive. Mostly we do – as evidenced by how few people are killed in big storms.

But maybe I’m getting ahead of myself as I am wont to do. The storms that happen in our lives aren’t exactly like those that happen in nature. Sometimes we create our own storms. We make choices that results in thunder and lightning and significant damage. Overcoming our own stupidity can be difficult at times depending on the degree of our stupidity prowess. Some of us have extraordinary skills, brought about by years of experience in doing one stupid thing after another. Jumping off that stupidity merry-go-round can be a hard thing for some. I know. I’ve had my own struggles with it. You?

Life has options. Always.

Maybe not the ones we most want, but still — options. I’m a big fan of options because I like freedom. Freedom is being able to choose.

Walk through the aisle of your local Piggly Wiggly supermarket and you’ll clearly understand freedom. Okay, we don’t have more Piggly Wiggly stores in Texas. How sad is that? We’re no longer afforded the freedom to “dig the pig.” It’s enough to feel like a prisoner with no choices.

Okay, you get the idea — go visit your local grocery store. Pick something…some category of food item. Jam. Cookies. Cereal. Crackers. Bread. Mustard. Ketchup. It can be anything.

"A girl I became friends with on a school trip in high school fell asleep on my shoulders on the ride back."

"I'm still coasting on that memory."


 

Crimson and Clover and Crystal Blue Persuasion were on the same album. I was 11. It was one of my first and biggest music memories of "my" music...and perhaps it was the first record I wore out. Literally.

Listening to Top 40 radio was a constant in the car. At home, the biggest memory and influence was my dad's 1962 Ray Charles' record, Modern Sounds of Country and Western Music.



Side one

1. "Bye Bye Love"
2. "You Don't Know Me"
3. "Half as Much"
4. "I Love You So Much It Hurts"
5. "Just a Little Lovin' (Will Go a Long Way)"
6. "Born to Lose"

Side two

1. "Worried Mind"
2. "It Makes No Difference Now"
3. "You Win Again"
4. "Careless Love"
5. "I Can't Stop Loving You"
6. "Hey, Good Lookin'"



 

 

My early music experiences consisted of great rhythm and harmonies. My sister loved The Lettermen and later on, The Carpenters. For me, Ray Charles was hard to beat. For a little kid, not yet a teenager, I was falling in love with music.

The albums were played on a piece of furniture. Homes with music had stereo consoles.

Junior high brought on a new music-related interest, hi-fi stereo gear. That fueled even deeper and broader interest in records. Tons of music memories have provided a good coasting surface for my life.

Watching the documentary about Ben Fong-Torres, famous music editor for Rolling Stone magazine brought back lots of memories of the 1970s and the music that once dominated my life. But music is just part of the memories I coast on. Words increasingly mattered, and not just the song lyrics. I devoured Ben Fong-Torres' writing. And Hunter S. Thompson. And Cameron Crowe. Their writing wasn't like anything familiar to me. Ben wrote about music and musicians. Hunter, well, he wrote about lots of stuff. Popular culture. Politics. I didn't care that much about the topics, but I enjoyed how Hunter wrote. Crowe, like Ben, he was writing about musicians. I read their stuff regularly adding a new coasting surface for memories - words.

Music. Technology. Words. The convergence of these 3 things happened in the 1970s. The song remains the same.

Memories reflected my future. And my present.

Memories don't determine the present or the future, but they influence it. Our memories are part of us. What has happened to us helps define us.

The guy coasting on the memory of the girl who fell asleep on his shoulder indicates how something so small can linger for so long...and even fuel us along the way. It's not about coasting in the sense that we don't do anything. Not putting any effort into anything. I don't know what memories you may leverage for coasting, but it did make me think of what memories might be fueling me.

I began the conversation with memories of music because music has accompanied every era of my life so far. I don't suspect it's going to stop until my life stops. But I'm not coasting on it. Any of it. It's not a driving force so much as a soundtrack, a key but minor player in the grand scheme of things.

I started thinking of the memory this guy shared and wondering if I had any such memories. I'm not at a loss for pivotal memories, but I'm not sure I've got any single memory that fuels me like that.

One of my first thoughts was about family and faith. And not separately, but how connected they are for me. I've long thought that I hit the lottery when it came to being born into a Christian home where I was taught the Bible and where I learned about God.

Last season I'm watching one of the grandkids play ball. My granddaughter plays softball and both of her little brothers play baseball. I can't remember which kid was playing, but I noticed a few players who would approach the plate refusing to swing. By the time I'd see these players come up to bat the second time around, it was evident they were hoping they'd get a walk. Stand in the batter's box, bat perched on their shoulder and the pitch didn't matter. Low, high, or right down the middle. They weren't going to swing.

The most quoted quote about such things has to be this one...
You miss 100% of the shots you don't take.              - Wayne Gretzky
At least in baseball and softball, you have the chance of being walked. ;) No such luck in hockey!

I've long been fascinated - puzzled may be a better word for it - by kids who play sports, but are obviously afraid. Watching a 7-year-old step into the batter's box fully committed to keeping that bat on his shoulder makes me wonder, "What is he afraid of?" Is he afraid of striking out? Is he afraid of looking foolish? Of being made fun of? Of hitting the ball badly?

It's hard to know what a little kid is afraid of. It's hard to know what somebody is fearful of because I struggle sometimes trying to identify my own fears!

For months we've been navigating our own version of a Little League batter's box. We made up our mind we were not going to keep the bat on our shoulders though. But we're not little kids. As two adult, mature (a synonym for old) people - a married couple - we didn't step into the box until we knew we were ready. When it's your time to hit, you'd best get on with it and give it a go.

Will we get a hit and get on base? Might we hit a double? A triple? Will we get a walk or strike out? Or...might we hit a home run?

The courage to take a swing is the courage to patiently wait for the pitch we most want to hit and give ourselves the opportunity for any degree of success. There are multiple ways to get on base. Success isn't limited to just hitting the pitch over the fence in a homerun. That's the very best outcome, but it's not the only one. And if we strike out, it's not final. We can regroup and get back into the box for another crack at success.

So we're taking our swings...and I'm gonna share a bit of our batter's story thus far.





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Marie: My Maternal Grandmother

Oatmeal Cookie Recipe By Re

Bessie Marie Burns was born April 8, 1906, near Sulphur, Oklahoma. She died on February 2, 1982, in Ada, Oklahoma. She despised her first name. Everybody called her Marie, but anybody who really knew her called her, "Re."

I just registered ResRetreat.com - there'd be an apostrophe if the Internet allowed them. It's Re's Retreat. I've been dreaming, conniving, and planning for almost 3 years.

I'm still working the controls as deftly as possible to land the plane, but I see the airport. The tower hasn't yet instructed me to land. I don't yet have an assigned runway, but I'm optimistic. And hoping I can land before I run out of fuel.

About 4 years ago we booked an Airbnb reservation to a place we had never been. It looked like our kind of place. Lots of trees, mountainous, walking trails, wildlife, serene, quiet. Woods. I love woods.

Best of all, it was just one state away, a 5-hour drive.

Now, four years later, and multiple trips - and a year of podcasting about the place (HSVInsideOut.com) we're leaning toward making another investment in the place - and in our future.

Three or four years of dreaming. And scheming. To make something happen. Time will tell if we can succeed with our plan. And land this plane.

Podcasting From Inside The Yellow Studio

It started in 2000 with version 1.0. In 2019, thanks to the addition of the Rode Rodecaster Pro - which was made possible by the listeners of Leaning Toward Wisdom during Project: Craving Encouragement - version 2.0 was born. That's still the version in use for today's show, but I'm planning to make dramatic changes - Version 3.0. I'm not exactly sure what it'll look like, but I have some very solid ideas. It's going to be less of a specific place and more of a here's-where-I'm-at kind of a place.

Our Encore Chapter: Writing It The Way We Hope Is Best

There are three priorities in our story writing: spiritual (which includes emotional and mental well-being), financial, and family. They're all intertwined.

Spiritual is number one because eternity changes everything! There are no dead atheists. Every atheist who dies quickly realizes God is real. And Heaven and Hell are, too. If you want to read a glimpse of life after this one, read the story in Luke.
Luke 16:19-31
New King James Version
The Rich Man and Lazarus
“There was a certain rich man who was clothed in purple and fine linen and [a]fared sumptuously every day. But there was a certain beggar named Lazarus, full of sores, who was laid at his gate, 21 desiring to be fed with the crumbs which fell from the rich man’s table. Moreover the dogs came and licked his sores. So it was that the beggar died, and was carried by the angels to Abraham’s bosom. The rich man also died and was buried. And being in torments in Hades, he lifted up his eyes and saw Abraham afar off, and Lazarus in his bosom. Then he cried and said, ‘Father Abraham, have mercy on me, and send Lazarus that he may dip the tip of his finger in water and cool my tongue; for I am tormented in this flame.’ But Abraham said, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, and likewise Lazarus evil things; but now he is comforted and you are tormented. And besides all this, between us and you there is a great gulf fixed, so that those who want to pass from here to you cannot, nor can those from there pass to us.’ “Then he said, ‘I beg you therefore, father, that you would send him to my father’s house, for I have five brothers, that he may testify to them, lest they also come to this place of torment.’ Abraham said to him, ‘They have Moses and the prophets; let them hear them.’ 30 And he said, ‘No, father Abraham; but if one goes to them from the dead, they will repent.