Sex for Saints

Do you know the #1 thing that people google to get to my website? “I’m not attracted to my spouse.” Relationships are a complex thing and it’s natural to have an ebb and flow. Even though we don’t talk about it much, losing attraction or falling out of love with your spouse is a common experience. But it can feel very scary if you’re starting to feel that way. Don’t panic. It doesn't mean that this is the end of your marriage. Listen into this episode where we’ll talk about why this might happen and also what to do if it does. I’ll give you practical tips to work on to get back what you once had. Are you ready? Let’s go!

Thanksgiving is a natural time to talk about what we’re grateful for, but we often forget to include our sexual relationship on that list. Gratitude is such a powerful force within relationships, and its influence can transform our sexual relationship into the one we’ve always dreamed of! When we actively choose to be grateful for our partner, it opens up space for deeper connection, empathy, and emotional closeness—all of which play an important role in our sexual satisfaction. In this episode, we’re going to talk about how we can bring more gratitude into our sexual relationships. I’ve done the research so let’s talk about the practical ways we can do this. And remember, gratitude is something we can do all year long, not just at Thanksgiving.

Desire is a topic that comes up a lot in my coaching business. Couples often wonder why she's just not in the mood so in this episode, we're going to talk about 4 possible reasons why. While this isn't a complete list, these are the reasons I hear most often. So listen in to not only find out why she's just not in the mood but also what you can do about it.

Have you ever felt like your sex life is stuck in a predictable, comfortable routine? It’s not unusual to feel this way but how do you get out of it? Let me answer that question and more in this episode. We will talk about a concept called “Sexual Leftovers,” those things that feel safe and not too scary in the bedroom, instead of the intimate connection that you want sex to be. And we will talk about how to address those underlying anxieties that keep you and your partner from enjoying your sex life to the fullest. There is no need to be stagnant. You can reignite that spark!

What is aftercare? Well, to put it simply, it’s what happens after you have sex. Do you jump right up and go on with your day or do you take some time to cuddle? Aftercare plays such a significant role in building and sustaining intimacy in a relationship. That’s why I want to talk about it in this episode. Why is aftercare so important and how to introduce it if it’s not already a part of your sexual routine. Let’s really break this down and talk about how aftercare impacts relationships at a deep level.

Are you bad in bed? Is your spouse? Being “bad in bed” isn’t a thing that should cause shame or anger but it is something that needs to be looked at more. And it usually starts outside the bedroom. In this episode, we’re going to talk about what it means to be “bad in bed” and what to do about it if you recognize yourself or your spouse in the list. With my normal honest and forthright style, I’ll give you exactly what to say and do to no longer be “bad in bed.”

Even though this topic can feel a little awkward, frustrating, and even scary, I think it’s important to talk about because all couples will probably have this happen from time to time in their sex lives. So, the question is, what happens when men lose their erections during sex? In this episode, we’re breaking down why this happens, what to do when it does, and how to support each other through it. Let’s look at this from the men’s and women’s perspective so that you can have a better understanding of what is going on and how to react when it does happen.

Is it time to ditch your pajamas? This topic may make you blush, but let’s talk about why we might want to think about sleeping nude or partially nude. From the benefits, challenges, and health advantages, to how to introduce it to your partner, we’ll talk about the surprising impact it could have on your relationship. So, sit back, get comfortable, and let’s talk.

Let’s be honest, most of us were not taught what to do when our arousal was unanswered. So, let’s talk about it. What happens when we’re turned on, but our spouse declines? How do we channel that energy into something productive and healthy? And, how do we teach our children to understand unanswered arousal? We’ll talk about all of this and more in this episode. Are you ready for real change? Let’s go!

What is an archetype? In very simple terms, it’s a “should”. As the man, I “should” be the primary breadwinner. As the woman, I “should” cater to my husband’s sexual needs. But, are these “should’s”, these archetypes, really who you are deep down inside? In this episode, we’re going to talk about relationship and sexual archetypes. We’ll identify them, discuss how they’re shaped, and the benefits and problems they bring. Finally, we’ll talk about why it’s crucial to break free from them. Society has long-standing traditions and norms that dictate what roles men and women “should” play. You see it everywhere. With my step-by-step guide, you can break free from these archetypes and find what you actually want to do, not what you “should” do.

I often see people wanting to uplevel their sex lives, but ignoring non-sexual touch completely. But, non-sexual physical intimacy is just as important, if not more important than sexual intimacy. In this episode, we’re going to talk about touch and how important it is to our relationships. Let’s talk about why touch is so important, the difference between intimate and sexual touch, how to navigate touch when partners have different needs or feel overwhelmed, and ways to build a culture of touch and pleasure in your relationship. Don’t be so focused on how to have great sex that you forget about the daily intimacies of touch; the hugs, the kisses, the embraces, the handholding, the importance of touch as a love language and also as a form of foreplay and making love itself. So, what is your touch communicating? Let’s find out.

I recently got a DM from a listener asking me how to navigate her sexual relationship with teens in the house. We often think that little kids make it harder to have sex, but sometimes teenagers are even harder. They have crazier schedules, they stay up later, and they have more knowledge about what’s going on in the bedroom. So, in this episode, I want to talk to those mid-life couples who have teenagers and young adults at home, but who want to find ways to have a great sex life too. Listen in as I explain to you how to navigate this season.

I recently had the opportunity to be a guest on the Therapy Brothers Podcast. I talked with Tyler and Brannon about the difference between consumption and connection. I really enjoyed our conversation and the insights that were shared and wanted to share those things with you. So, here is my conversation with Tyler and Brannon of the Therapy Brothers Podcast.

What if I told you that the way you have been thinking about sex is wrong? What if that’s the reason you don’t have the sex life that you thought you’d have? I know that your intentions are good. I know that you know that sex is good for your marriage, but maybe it’s the way that you look at sex that is affecting your relationship. In this episode, I want to talk about a different way to approach sex in your marriage; a more mindful approach that fosters authenticity, self-expression, and love, intimacy, and connection. Let’s go!

I’ve noticed a lot of people expressing problems with their spouse’s fantasies. They don’t understand certain fantasies, and they are afraid that their spouse wants to turn them into reality. But, there’s a difference between fantasy and desire. A fantasy is more about thoughts where a desire is bringing that thought into reality. Let’s talk more about the difference and what that means to your relationship in this episode.

Do you know what a healthy relationship looks like? Many of us don’t because our parents didn’t know what a healthy couple looked like either. But we can change that now. In this episode, we’ll talk about why we want to have a healthy relationship beyond being a good example to our children. Then we will talk about what a healthy couple looks like. I’ll bet you’re already doing some of these things, so it’s time to add a bit more.

In this episode, I want to talk about something that may make you feel a little uncomfortable - mining for conflict. It is absolutely crucial for the health and intimacy of our relationships, but what is mining for conflict? It means actively seeking out and addressing underlying issues in a relationship. Finding these conflicts before they escalate into bigger issues and addressing the problems. Why rock the boat? Well, even if you’re ignoring them, the issues are still there. I’m going to give you real steps to take to not only find the conflicts, but to fix them as well.

In this episode, I want to talk about a question I get asked all of the time. It’s said in different ways, but it all comes down to this - Why does sex often seem so hard, even when we genuinely want to have it? Have you ever wondered that? Sex is a beautiful, integral part of a healthy marriage, but it’s not uncommon to face challenges in this area, as we all know. So, let’s break down some of the reasons why we might struggle and explore ways to make things better. Are you ready? Let’s go!

In this episode, I want to talk about something that is more and more relevant in our digital age - how devices are hurting marriages and sexual relationships. Because this is now the third leading cause of divorce in the United states, it seems like it’s something that needs to be discussed. So, let’s discuss why devices can be so bad for our relationships, and what we can do about it.

This is something I get asked all the time! I understand why people want to know, but the answer isn’t so black and white. In this episode we’re going to talk about what is normal when it comes to sex in marriage, and how to get to normal if you feel like your sex life is outside the so-called norm. Are you wondering how much sex is normal in marriage? Let’s answer all your questions.

Have you ever felt like you weren’t enough in your life? Most people do, but when that feeling creeps into the bedroom, it can be incredibly frustrating and disheartening. Maybe you feel like you will never satisfy your spouse or maybe you’re met with “I’ll never be enough for you” when sharing your wants and desires. Either way, I know how difficult it can be! So, in this episode, we’re going to unpack the phrase “I’ll never be enough for you” and explore what’s really going on beneath the surface.

In this episode, we are going to talk about a topic that’s all too common but not often discussed—sexual martyrdom in marriage. I’ll answer questions like: What does it mean to be a sexual martyr? Why is it detrimental to your relationship and yourself? And how to recognize and shift out of this mindset. Let’s find a way to break this cycle!

A while ago, I was at an event with a lot of other women. A woman sat down next to me and asked, “What if the sex is really good, but the rest of the marriage isn’t great?” After talking with her about this question for most of the night, I knew this was something I wanted to discuss on the podcast. Why do we use sex as a bandaid? And, more importantly, what can we do to stop it? It may be a temporary fix for the underlying issues, but in the end, it will create distance and resentment in your marriage, which none of us want. We all have used sex as a bandaid before, but let’s look at how we can change that habit.

In this episode, we’re tackling a delicate and crucial topic: managing your spouse’s sexuality. What does this mean? Why do people do it? How does it affect both higher desire and lower desire partners? Why isn’t it the best approach? We’ll answer all of these questions and more. This one may surprise you. Take a listen.

When it comes to life, our perception is our reality. And these perceptions also shape our sexual relationships. Unfortunately, we often look at these perceptions as facts rather than realizing that they are an interpretation of facts. So, in this episode, we are going to talk about our perceptions, how they are shaped, and what those perceptions create in our sexual relationship. I specifically talk about the perceptions that we have around being the lower desire partner or the higher desire partner and our spouse in their role as well. Let’s talk about why it’s good to be aware of our perceptions and try to change them in some instances.

We often check in with our finances, our physical health, or our mental health, so why not our relationship health? In this episode, we will talk about why we should measure the quality of our marriages, how to measure both your relationship AND your sexual relationship. And what to do if we find things that we need to address. I would love for each of us to come through this with stronger marriages. Let’s get started!

“If you love me…” I’ve been seeing this phrase thrown around quite a lot lately. My clients often tell me that their spouse has said, “If you love me, you’d have more sex with me.” I recently saw in a Facebook group that someone said to their spouse, “If you love me, you’ll stop  watching porn.” At first glance, this phrase doesn’t seem like that big of a deal but it’s actually quite damaging in a relationship. In fact, a therapist called it “the divorce formula.” In this episode, we’re going to explore how this phrase can impact your relationship and what you can do about it.

Initiating sex is really important in your relationship, but it can also be really hard. Because of societal norms, we sometimes think that men should always initiate because women should be more passive in bed. This can lead to resentment, especially when he is always being rejected. Now, I’m not saying that women always need to initiate sex or always say yes, but I am saying that talking about it is key. So, in this episode, let’s talk about how initiating sex can be a burden, but it doesn’t have to be.

Sexual Resentment is a complex emotion where we feel our needs are not being met in one way or another. If we take a step back and look at the stories that we are telling ourselves about our spouse and their inability to meet our needs, we can see that those stories are simply not true. They are not serving us well and in fact are eroding our connection and trust in our marriage. So, how do you change that narrative you’ve been telling yourself about why your spouse isn’t meeting your needs? Let’s talk about it.

McArthur Krishna's Books:

Cherish - Vol 1

Cherish - Vol 2

A Girl’s Guide to Heavenly Mother

A Boy’s Guide to Heavenly Mother

For the last couple of episodes, we’ve been talking about the different levels of sex. So, in this episode, we’re going to talk about the pinnacle of marital intimacy - Level 3 Sex. I’ll explain all about what Level 3 Sex is, why couples would aspire to reach it, and how both partners can contribute to this sacred and transformative journey. This is the destination that I want for every couple! Listen in as I explain the why’s and how’s of Level 3 Sex.

In the last podcast, we talked about Level 1 Sex, what it is, and what we can do about it. So, in this podcast, we are talking about Level 2 Sex, what it is and why you’d want to level up your sex life. Level 2 Sex is not the end of your sexual journey, but rather part of the journey. It’s the zone where you’re not quite at the peak of desire, but you’re certainly not in the valley of disinterest either. It’s like standing at the edge of a pool, dipping your toe in, but not fully diving in just yet. Are you ready to level up your sex life to Level 2? Listen in!

And don’t miss the next podcast all about Level 3 Sex!

In this episode, we’re diving into a topic that might resonate with many of you - Level 1 Sex. What is it? What isn’t it? And most importantly, how can we move towards a more fulfilling experience in our intimate relationships? I’ll answer these questions and more as we discuss how each partner might contribute to Level 1 Sex and why it’s hard to break out of it. There is better sex out there my friends! It starts with a willingness to change. So let’s start today!

Sexual disappointment is a complex emotion. Whenever we have expectations and those expectations aren’t being met, it’s natural to be disappointed. But what really matters is how we deal with that disappointment. Do we pretend we’re fine? Do we get angry? Do we avoid the emotion? Or do we talk about it? We are surrounded by examples of what a ‘real’ sexual experience should look like, but they aren’t reality. Having desires and fantasies is wonderful, but once we let in the expectations, that’s where disappointment comes from. Let’s talk about what we can do to overcome the sexual disappointment in our relationships that’s causing us to be disconnected from our spouse.

When asked, “Are you using your wife for sex?”, most men would say, "Absolutely not”! But is that true? Many men use their wives for sex without even realizing they are doing it. They don’t do it maliciously, but that doesn’t mean they don’t do it. In this episode, let’s talk about what it means to use your wife for sex, why you do it, and how to change that habit. This episode is for men and women who want to break out of a sexual habit that isn’t getting you the connection you need or want in your relationship.

In this episode, let’s talk about one of the most powerful tools in your relationship toolbox - relational listening. What is relational listening? It’s more than hearing, it’s understanding. So, how do you use it in conversations? Let’s talk about that! Listen to this episode to know what to do before, during, and after having a relational conversation with your spouse. Learn how to create a safe space for both of you to express your desires, fears, and fantasies so that you can have that fulfilling sexual relationship you’ve always wanted.

Sexual desire is much more complex than many of us are led to believe. Desire is multifaceted and must be examined from a biological, psychological, and sociological standpoint. Why do I talk about desire so often? Because a lack of desire is the number one thing that women come to me for help with. They tell me that their desire has just disappeared and they have no idea where it’s gone. So, let’s dive into what goes into desire and maybe how to get it back.

I’ve been thinking a lot about what we all want in our relationships and what that means to our relationships. So, today I’m going to share with you the four things that we all want in our sexual relationships. We may call them different things, but everyone wants essentially the same thing. I am also going to talk about what happens when these things we want aren’t happening in our sexual relationships. And what you can do about that. You see, the absence of these foundational values can lead to a host of challenges that impact both the marital and sexual aspects of a relationship. Let’s see what we can do about that!

I am so excited for you to hear this interview with Dr. Kelly Casperson. We talk about what you and your partner need to know about women’s hormones. We as women don’t get a lot of information about hormones in general but especially during perimenopause and menopause. Even if you’re not quite there yet, you are going to want to listen to what Dr. Kelly has to say because we will all go through this! This is an episode you are going to want to share with all of the women in your life.

Dr. Kelly Casperson is a urologic surgeon, author, sex educator, and top international podcaster whose mission is empowering women to live their best love lives. She combines education, humor, and candor in her podcast, You Are Not Broken, where she dismantles the myths people have learned and normalizes healthy, enjoyable sex worth desiring. For more information, follow Dr. Kelly on Instagram (@kellycaspersonmd), or visit kellycaspersonmd.com.

I know that some of us, both men and women, feel that female-centric sex is selfish. But it absolutely is not! Let’s talk about why women may not want to transition to a female-centric approach to sex and why men might not want to as well. But when it comes down to it, a female-centric approach to sex can be a transformative journey for couples, deepening their intimacy, connection, and satisfaction. Want to learn how? Listen in!

At first thought, money and sex may not seem to have a lot in common. But if you think about it, when you improve something about your relationship, it often extends to all of your relationship. That’s why I asked Ruth Liebel to join me on the podcast to talk about money. Ruth is an amazing financial coach that will help you see that we often come into our marriages with different ideas of what it means to be “good” with money. Listen to get some clarity about how you manage your money in your marriage, and how improving that part of your relationship will improve your sexual relationship as well.

Ruth Liebel (Lee-bull) is a financial coach who teaches Christians how to make decisions with their resources that improve their quality of life and support their values. She specializes in helping couples get on the same page, and in creating healthy boundaries around money. Too many lives, marriages, and families are short-changed, even destroyed, by financial chaos. The solutions to so many financial problems are simple and can become commonplace in our homes.

Ruth got her bachelor’s degree in family finance (debt free) and did her practicum in financial counseling. She has worked with domestic violence shelters, HUD, Head Start, churches, and non-profit organizations. She is a certified YNAB Budget Coach, completed Ramsey Solutions Master.

Coach Training, and was a Ramsey Preferred Coach the first two years of her coaching business. Ruth is madly in love with her husband of 17 years, and the biggest fan of her four kids. Her husband came from a very different financial culture than her, and it has been a long, diligent process to create a financial theology and plan that satisfies them both. She knows "good debt" does NOT feel good; vulnerability is scary; healthy boundaries are the difference between joy and

hell; and having somewhere safe to process your thoughts and options is a total game-changer. She absolutely loves her life now, and loves helping people create a life they love as well.

You can find her:

At her website: www.ruthliebelcoaching.com

On Instagram: @ruthliebel

And by emailing her: ruth@ruthliebelcoaching.com

Sex, intimacy, and personal growth are all tied together. And when your partner doesn’t want to grow sexually, but you do, it can cause a lot of conflict. It’s not uncommon to find yourself in a situation like this, so in this episode, I’m going to share with you three steps to take to understand the situation completely. I’ll even share with you what to say that may help the situation.

I recently was a guest on the Live Your Why podcast with Tammy Hill. I thought the episode was so good, I asked Tammy if I could share it with you as well. She was excited to share what we talked about with you too! So listen in as I share some parts of my story that you may not have heard yet, along with talking about what mature feminine sexuality is. And no, we’re not talking about seniors, but all of us. So, let’s talk about why we need mature feminine sexuality and how it actually helps us get closer to our Heavenly Parents. You’re going to love this episode!

Wow! Episode 300! I can hardly believe it! I remember nearly six years ago when I started this podcast that I could hardly imagine what 100 episodes would look like, let alone 300. So today's episode is a little different. I asked people to call or write in about an episode that was impactful for them. Join me as I share with you what they had to say. 

Have you ever been on a road trip and heard the words, “Are we there yet?” That person is just focused on the destination, not the journey itself. The same thing happens in our sexual relationships when we just focus on climax. Our world places so much emphasis on instant gratification that it is easy to let that thought into the bedroom. Are we relishing in all of the minute details and interactions that can lay claim on our body and our heart or are we like the kids in the backseat who ask over and over “are we there yet?” In this episode, let’s take a look at how we focus on our sexual journey, rather than just the destination. I will share with you seven key elements that are crucial for every relationship and contribute to a fulfilling and meaningful experience.

I have had a lot of questions lately about how to safely have anal sex so I’m going to answer those questions here. Anal sex is often intriguing for many couples, and while there seems to be quite a bit of desire to do it from one or both partners, there’s often a reluctance, which is understandable. So whether you’re a curious individual or a couple looking to add something new to your repertoire, this episode will guide you through the ins and outs of anal pleasure, focusing on safety and enjoyment. Join me for this step by step guide.

We are almost at episode 300 and I would love to do something a little bit different and special for this episode.  I would love it if you were willing to call in and leave me a voice message with something that was particularly impactful for you.  My goal is to have a few that I can air with Episode 300.

Call 385-424-1032

This is a number that goes straight to voicemail, so you won’t be bothering me and can call anytime.

You can leave your name or do it anonymously.

Just share something that has been particularly impactful for you and if you can what Episode # and the title it was. It can be really short or a couple of minutes long.  This would mean so much to me, so thank you!  The deadline to submit this is Monday, January 15, 2024.

I want you to prioritize sex in the new year. I hear from clients all the time that they just don’t have time to have sex. That’s because you’re not making it a priority. Why have more sex? Because it helps you have a healthier and more fulfilling connection with your partner. Here are my practical tips on how to make sex a priority in the new year! You are going to LOVE number 7!

We are almost at episode 300 and I would love to do something a little bit different and special for this episode.  I would love it if you were willing to call in and leave me a voice message with something that was particularly impactful for you.  My goal is to have a few that I can air with Episode 300.

Call 385-424-1032

This is a number that goes straight to voicemail, so you won’t be bothering me and can call anytime.

You can leave your name or do it anonymously.

Just share something that has been particularly impactful for you and if you can what Episode # and the title it was. It can be really short or a couple of minutes long.  This would mean so much to me, so thank you!  The deadline to submit this is Monday, January 15, 2024.

We have often talked about spontaneous desire vs responsive desire on my podcast. But today, I want to go a little deeper into the responsibility you have if you happen to have responsive desire. Often women, and some men, have responsive desire, but that doesn’t mean that their partner is always in charge of initiating. You can have a high sex drive and even be the higher desire partner with responsive desire. Let me show you how!

Clients will often tell me that they don’t need to use lube because there isn’t anything wrong with them. This could not be further from the truth! There are many things that will affect your natural lubrication, including stress or dehydration, so having some lube you love at your fingertips will only make sex better. In this episode, we’re going to talk about why we use lube, how to choose the right lube and what lubes I like the best. You should be using lube! Here’s why.

Some of my favorites:

Coconu carries my favorite water-based and oil-based lube.  Their hemp infused oil-based is a favorite of mine and can enhance orgasms.  Use the code Amanda at checkout for 15% off.

Uberlube is another favorite of mine.  This one is silicone based.  It has vitamin E, is so silky and soft, feels good on my skin, and is long lasting.  It is also flavorless.

Sutil is recommended if you have had a decrease in estrogen levels, either with menopause or breastfeeding.  

Other brands I’ve either tried or heard good things about: Sliquid, Aloe Cadabra, Waterslide, YES, and The Butters.

This holiday season, can I suggest a new tradition? Giving, and receiving, sexy holiday gifts! When we’re thinking about gifts for our spouse, we often think about what they need or want, and while that’s great, I think as a couple, it’s important to use this time to give each other something that helps turn up the heat and the desire in the bedroom. It doesn’t have to be elaborate. It can be as simple as a sexy playlist. Join me as I share with you 6 ideas on how to have a sexy holiday this year!

I have a friend who has 7 kids, all born in September. That means that they were all conceived around Christmas. We’ve often joked about this with her, but it turns out that they aren’t the only ones who get especially horny during the holiday season. In fact, more babies are conceived in December than any other month! Why is this? That’s what we’re talking about in the episode. There are some biological factors, some psychological factors, as well as some social and environmental factors that are playing a role in this, but whatever the reason, it’s a great time of year to connect sexually with your spouse!

I’m speaking with therapist Jeff Lundgren, again, today about internal family systems. It’s a therapeutic modality that he uses in his practice that I find fascinating. If you’ve ever seen the movie Inside Out, you’ve had an introduction to this type of therapy. So, in this episode, we talk about where the internal family systems came from, and most importantly, how it can help us in our sexual lives. I invite you to join us for this fascinating look into our minds.

Jeff Lundgren is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and holds a certificate as a Psychedelic-Assisted Therapist Provider. Jeff is a member of the Mormon Mental Health Association and the owner of a private group practice in Millcreek - Oak Branch Counseling. Jeff lives in Salt Lake City. He has a passion for the outdoors, music, autocross, and the joys of fatherhood.

At times in my coaching career, I’ve been asked by clients about the use of psychedelics in sex therapy. I know that this may be a controversial topic, but I think it’s important to be given all of the information so you can make the decision for yourself. I am excited to have Jeff Lundgren on the podcast today to talk about it. This interview is fascinating! We talk about the history of psychedelics and their use in therapy. And Jeff shares some success stories he has witnessed in clients who used psychedelics to heal sexual dysfunction. Even if you’ve never been curious, I would still encourage you to listen to this episode to learn more about how to heal dysfunction in your life.

Jeff Lundgren is a Licensed Clinical Mental Health Counselor and an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and holds a certificate as a Psychedelic-Assisted Therapist Provider. Jeff is a member of the Mormon Mental Health Association and the owner of a private group practice in Millcreek - Oak Branch Counseling. Jeff lives in Salt Lake City. He has a passion for the outdoors, music, autocross, and the joys of fatherhood.

Most of us will say that our marriage is our most important relationship.  Yet we often let things get in the way of making it great and our marriage gets put on the back burner.  Whether that is kids, work, hobbies, or church callings, we don’t put enough into our relationship.  And that relationship is barely surviving instead of thriving.  And when our relationship suffers, often so does our sexual relationship. So in this episode, let’s talk about 11 ways to make a marriage thrive. We’ll discuss how these strategies can help both your marriage relationship and your sexual relationship because we often talk of sex as a need, but it’s not a need like air, food or water is a need. But it is a need for the thriving marriage that we want.

I think we all want to have an intimate marriage, but we often miss one important step in achieving that. To have an intimate marriage, we must understand and make room for both partners’ wants and desires, without judgment or shame. But what I often see happening is that one partner thinks their wants and desires matter more than the other partner and they expect their partner to accommodate them. Or, I also see that one partner suppresses their wants and desires or preferences to accommodate their partners. This can create resentment, anxiety, and guilt. So, why do we do this and what can we do about it? That’s what we’re talking about in this episode.

Have you ever thought about how food can affect your sex life? That’s what I’m discussing today with my guest and fellow life coach Lisa Salisbury. Thinking about what you put in your body and what you want from your body are important. But, let me be clear, we’re not talking about counting calories or macros or anything like that. We’re talking about listening to your body and knowing that if you’d like to have sex tonight, it might be better to not finish your meal and be overly full. I’m so excited for you to hear this interview. It is a great one!

Lisa Salisbury is a life coach for health and weight loss for women who want to lose weight without counting and calculating their food. As a former chronic dieter, Lisa knows what it’s like to  be all-consumed with everything that goes into your mouth. It was only when she learned the tools and skills through coaching that she was able to drop the dieting obsession and drop her weight! 

Lisa is a certified Health Coach through Institute of Integrative Nutrition and a certified Life Coach and Weight Loss Coach through The Life Coach School.  She also has a BS from Brigham Young University in Health and Human Performance.  

She takes her clients through a 12 week program designed to help them eat well, think well and live well. When you learn the skill of paying attention to your body and losing weight, you’ll be surprised at how it translates into other areas of life. Craving chocolate & craving more instagram? Same solutions. Avoiding vegetables/protein & avoiding your to-do list? Same solutions. You can hear many of these tools on her podcast Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well. 

You can find Lisa on:

Her website: wellwithlisa.com

Instagram: @well_with_lisa

Her podcast: Eat Well, Think Well, Live Well

And download her go to meals guide at: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/625f1d3d96808aece7b0ee33

Many women tell me that sex is boring for them, which is one of the reasons why they don’t have a strong desire for it.  No one craves boredom.  We crave pleasure, excitement, novelty, and fun.  And if sex is boring, you are probably not having any of those things.  But one of the biggest reasons why women are bored is because they often aren’t being an active participant. What does it mean to be an active participant in your sex life? It means communicating your needs, being willing to try new things, setting the mood, role-playing, and so much more. It’s time to take control of your own sexuality and be a good receiver of pleasure. Listen to this episode to hear even more ways you can be an active participant and a good receiver in sex.

The lack of sex education is a real issue in our country, so often people turn to pornography to learn about sex, which doesn’t actually help our understanding of sex nor our relationships. In this episode, we're diving deep into the topic of pornography and its impact on our understanding of sex and relationships. We'll discuss why pornography isn't a great way to learn about sex, the misconceptions and myths it perpetuates, and the potential problems it can create in our sexual relationships. While pornography is a common form of sexual entertainment, it's not a reliable or healthy source of sexual education.

Orgasms are an amazing experience! For most people, they are the most powerful feeling of pleasure available here on Earth. While men have a recovery period after orgasm, women do not. In fact, having multiple orgasms is something that women can learn how to do. Intrigued? Listen to this podcast to learn 5 ways to overcome any barriers you may have and start experiencing multiple orgasms.

I often get asked by my clients what they can do if their spouse has had other sexual partners. While the reason behind this can vary, it often leaves the spouse who hasn’t had any other partners feeling jealous, insecure, or even resentful. First of all, these feelings are totally natural, but let’s talk about ways to address them and move forward in a healthy way. Join me as I share 7 ways to work through those feelings.

You’ve heard the old adage, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder,” right? While that can be true, being apart from your spouse can really affect your intimacy. So in this episode, I want to give you 11 real life solutions on how to keep your sex life alive even when you’re miles apart. No need to put that part of your life on hold while your spouse is away. You’re going to especially love #9.

365 Connecting Questions for Couples

Our overall wellness as women is so important for not just our lives, but also our sexual being. So today I’m talking with Holly Henry all about sexual wellness. She is a nurse practitioner who doesn’t just look at the physical symptoms, but the hormonal and beyond to help you live your best life. This podcast is coming out today because we have a very exciting announcement to make! Listen in to find out just what it is.

But first, a little about Holly. She is the founder of Lotti Aesthetics and Wellness. Combined she has 20 years of experience in women’s health and aesthetics. Holly has trained medical providers all over the United States at the National Institute of Medical Aesthetics. She is a certified trainer and provider in advanced women’s health modalities like the O-shot and has performed the service for many years. Her passion has always been to empower women with confidence. Holly not only provides beautiful natural results, she also focuses on the connection between the mind, body, and spirit. Holly brings a gentle touch, compassion, experience, and care to each patient experience.

When I say “physical intimacy in marriage”, what does that bring up? Usually it’s sex. But intimacy is so much more than just sex. It’s eye contact and hand holding. In this episode, we’re going to explore what intimacy is, why it’s important, why it sometimes declines, and how you can keep the flame alive. Or reignite it if it’s gone dim. What level of intimacy do you and your spouse fall into most? Listen in to find out the levels.

I often get asked how to keep the flames of romance burning after you’ve been married a long time. So, that’s what we’re going to talk about today. How do you keep those flames burning and not get stuck in a roommate situation. I have 10 areas with specific examples in each of the ways that you can keep that romance alive and rejuvenated. Remember, love is a journey, not a destination. Stay committed, stay passionate, and stay connected.

Your brain is your biggest sex organ. Have you noticed what you’re thinking about sex? In this episode, we’re going to talk about the mind-body connection when it comes to sex. We’re going to look into gaining sexual thought awareness and how those thoughts shape our most intimate experiences. By cultivating awareness around our sexual thoughts, we can open doors to more mindful and fulfilling experiences.

In Come Follow Me this coming week, we read about Paul’s sexual purity letter to the Corinthians. Because of this, I think it’s a great time to not only talk to your kids about sex, but also talk to their teachers about how they will teach this lesson. We need to break the cycle of shaming our kids into not having sex. And that can start with you. Listen to this episode to learn about how to teach your kids about sex, shame free, so they can have a healthy relationship with sex throughout their lives. I know from personal experience that this is an awkward discussion, but it’s one we need to have so let me help you navigate it.

In the last episode, we spoke about erogenous zones. But if you are focusing solely on these areas without any warm-up or creating the right context for sex, you are missing out on a crucial piece - the importance of foreplay. In this episode, let’s talk about what foreplay means and how important it is for both men and women to have an amazing sexual experience. It is the bridge that allows us to transition from the outside world into an intimate space where we can be fully present with each other and attuned to our partner’s needs, desires, and feelings.

You may remember when Monica taught Chandler about erogenous zones on the TV show friends. (If you don’t remember this iconic scene, the link is below) Chandler was surprised to learn that there were more than 3 erogenous zones. Are you surprised too? In this episode, we’re going to talk about where the erogenous zones are and how best to stimulate them for enhanced pleasure and intimacy. Ready? Let’s go!

Friend’s Clip: https://youtu.be/3NLVior-nLs

Wanting sex so you can feel closer to your spouse or because you want to connect with them is great. But sometimes, we start to seek validation through sex. When we’re seeking validation through sex, we see it as our partner not loving us when we aren’t having sex. We also feel rejected, which can cause a lot of hurt and anger. So, what can we do if we are starting to notice that we need sex to validate us? Listen to this episode to find out.

I often hear from my clients that they feel guilty about certain sexual things. When we really look into it, I question whether they’re feeling guilty, which to me means that they are doing something outside of their integrity, or are they internalizing someone else’s emotions about the subject. So in this episode, we’re going to talk about naming the emotion we’re feeling and if it really is guilt, how to change that feeling.

In this podcast, I’m talking with Crystal Haitsma about triggers. We hear the word all the time nowadays, but what does it really mean and how is it affecting our relationships? Listen in as Crystal and I define what triggers are and how self regulation can help us get over them. This is a great episode!

Crystal, The Parenting Coach is a Certified Life Coach and Canadian homeschooling mother of 4. She combines her background in Psychology with helpful mindset tools, somatic work and emotional processing to help parents change patterns of generational parenting. She helps you parent calm, confident kids that you LOVE to be around- simply, and in a faith-based way. She is the host of The Parenting Coach Podcast where she shares helpful parenting tactics every week. 

Find your parenting personality! Take the quiz here: https://coachcrystal.involve.me/parents-organic

Podcast: https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/the-parenting-coach-podcast/id1555361139

Podcast on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/0qe7qRHbEQ2cMbl4NiVVOP

IG: www.instagram.com/the.parenting.coach 

FB: www.facebook.com/the.parenting.coach

So many women I’ve talked to have said that they don’t have any desire to have sex anymore. It’s just gone. Now, I’ve talked about desire a lot on this podcast, but today I want to talk to you about one thing that I haven’t talked about before and it just may blow your mind. So, listen in while we talk about desire and how it’s affecting your sex life.

Do you not like sex or do you just not like the sex that you're having? Oftentimes, we actually just don't like the sex that we're having. Listen to this teaser Embracing You podcast episode as I coach Quinn on how to make the sex that she is having more enjoyable so she can like it more. 

Are you subscribed to my private podcast, Embracing You!? If not, you should be. Three times a month, you can listen in as I coach actual clients on anything from making sex more enjoyable to how to navigate life after divorce. For just $99 you can get 36 episodes packed full of important information that can help you in your relationship. Just go to AmandaLouder.com/embracingyoupod/ to subscribe today!

Do you worry that you aren’t sexually compatible with your spouse? I think truly being sexually incompatible is rare. But in this episode, we talk about those questions you may be having. What makes for sexual compatibility and what we can do to work on ourselves to make our relationships that much better? If you both are willing to look at yourselves and grow, ultimately you can have that honest conversation you need for both of you to be happy.

One of the most common disagreements I hear from couples about sex are about emotional and physical intimacy and which goes first. In my mind, it looks a lot like a tug of war between the couple to show which is the right kind of intimacy for a marriage. It’s time to drop the rope, and find a better way. Listen to this podcast to hear why we need to find a better way and how to do it.

When I was first married to my first husband, it felt like he ALWAYS wanted sex. If I showed him any affection at all, it had to lead to sex. I, like a lot of women, didn’t want it to always mean I had to have sex. I missed what it was like when we were dating, when we could be affectionate and that’s as far as it went. So, why does this pattern of expectation start and what can we do about it in our relationships? That’s what we’re talking about in this episode. If that pattern is happening in your relationship, let’s work to fix it!

Let me ask you a question. Are you overfunctioning or underfunctioning in your sexual relationship with your spouse? Taking a look at yourself and honestly answering this question can help you have a better relationship. We often get into patterns and dynamics that seem helpful but end up causing more problems in the end. So let’s define what it is and what we can do about it.

This is part two of an amazing interview I did with fellow life coach Julie Balkman. This week we’re talking more about our young adults and how they are really struggling in dating and moving into relationships and into sexual relationships. Whether you're a young adult, either single and dating or newly married or you have young adults, even if you have been married a long time, I think you're going to find some really good, valuable insights into why things are the way they are for you in this episode. If you didn’t hear part one, I would recommend listening to that one first here.

Julie Balkman, founder of the 100 Interviews Project and expert panelist for the LDS dating app Mutual, is a dating expert and certified life coach who helps young adults get out of the dating game and into a real relationship that lasts. The dating game often continues into engagement and marriage, so she also works with newly married couples, helping them build a relationship based on real love and intimacy. With eight years experience working with hundreds of young adults (single and married), she has seen firsthand the desire and need for clear answers, actionable steps, and real results. You can find her at juliebalkmancoaching.com and @lifecoach.julie on Instagram.

This is part one of an amazing interview I did with fellow life coach Julie Balkman. I really wanted to do this interview with Julie because I think a lot of our young adults are really struggling in dating and moving into relationships and into sexual relationships. Whether you're a young adult, either single and dating or newly married or you have young adults, even if you have been married a long time, I think you're going to find some really good, valuable insights into why things are the way they are for you in this episode. Don’t miss part 2 coming next week.

Julie Balkman, founder of the 100 Interviews Project and expert panelist for the LDS dating app Mutual, is a dating expert and certified life coach who helps young adults get out of the dating game and into a real relationship that lasts. The dating game often continues into engagement and marriage, so she also works with newly married couples, helping them build a relationship based on real love and intimacy. With eight years experience working with hundreds of young adults (single and married), she has seen firsthand the desire and need for clear answers, actionable steps, and real results. You can find her at juliebalkmancoaching.com and @lifecoach.julie on Instagram.

Have you noticed that the passion in your sex life has disappeared? It’s time to ignite it again, don’t you think? I was recently on Ashlee Sorenson’s podcast called A Bit Better Everyday and I loved our conversation so much that I asked Ashlee if I could share it with you and she graciously said yes. So, join us as we talk about how we ignite that passion again both in our lives and in the bedroom.

Our definition of sex can really affect how much sex we’re getting. So, how do you define sex? Is sex just penetration and orgasm? Or are there other activities that you define as sex? This isn’t a one-size-fits-all answer but it’s important to ask yourself how you define it and why. Listen as we discuss what a broad definition of sex can do for your sex life.

Have you heard about sleep divorce? "Sleep divorce" is a situation where couples sleep separately on a regular basis to improve their sleep quality due to issues like snoring, different sleeping schedules, or personal preferences. Studies show that it can help save relationships, but it may also cause problems. Listen to this episode to find out what those problems may be and how to make it work in your relationship.

Have you ever been jealous in your relationship? Around 77% of people report feeling at least an occasional jealousy in their relationships. In this episode, we’re talking about jealousy and how a little jealousy in a relationship can be a good thing, but too much jealousy can damage a relationship. Let’s discuss why you’re feeling jealous and what you can do about it.

Sources:

Journal of Personal and Social Relationships Study

Through my own experience and coaching women for five years, I have come to know what the sexual conditioning of women is in our Christian faith, and how to help them. But women aren’t the only ones affected by our teachings. Men hear that they are the head of the household and women are there to nurture them, including giving them what they “need”. Men hear that they are to push down their emotions to be manly. Along with so many other damaging things. So in this episode, we’re going to talk about those misconceptions and, more importantly, what you can do about them.

How does your body image affect your partner? That's what my guest Amber Price and I are talking about in this episode. Even though body image issues is something you see a lot in women, men have body image issues too. Listen in as we discuss what we do, why we do it and what we can do about it. 

You can find more information about Amber at:

Her website 

Instagram

In this episode, we talk about the top 4 reasons for low desire in women that I see in my clients. I break down why women have low desire and what to do about it. So if you want to want sex, but you just don’t, this is the episode for you! I also have a lot of men coming to me to help their wives. Let’s talk about that too.

Here are the episodes referenced in this episode:

Taking Care of your husband’s “needs”

Episode 253 - Consenting to Unwanted Sex

Episode 167 - Is Sex a Need?

Episode 195 - Need-Based Sex

Episode 210 - Blue Balls & Blue Beans

Episode 229 - Duty Sex

Body Image:

Episode 74 - How Body Image Affects Sex

Episode 162 - Attraction & Self-Objectification

Stress:

Episode 226 - The Mental Load That Is Affecting Your Sex Life

Episode 101 - Sex Under Stress

Episode 190 - Creating the Space for Desire 

Gender Norms around Initiation

Episode 169 - Initiating Ideas and Styles

Episode 34 - Cultivating Connection & Desire

Episode 86 - Spontaneous vs. Responsive Desire

Episode 98 - Embracing Your Sexuality

Episode 109 - Higher Desires and Lower Desires 

Episode 217 - Reclaiming Desire & Eros

In this episode, I’m talking to Sheri Brasier about how to gain more confidence in the bedroom. Sheri is a life and style coach which means that she empowers women to have great style and in turn gain confidence. In our discussion, we talked about how to improve how you look at yourself in order to improve how you feel about yourself and sex. This really is an interesting discussion on style and how it makes us feel. Listen in and tell me what you think.

You can find Sheri on:

Instagram

Facebook

Her website

Her podcast: Creating Unshakable Self Confidence

You can get a freebie called Style Basics Every Woman Should Have in Her Closet by going to this link.

In this episode, I’m speaking with Katie Runyan of Faithful Fling, a subscription role-playing website. We talk about how to easily add role-play into our marriages. This is such a fun episode! Katie talked about how she created her business because it’s what she was looking for when they first started role-playing. Listen to this episode, and then sign up for a free fling. 

Katie resides in Kansas City, Missouri with her husband and four children who have all flown the coop! She’s left with an empty house but not an empty marriage yet she spends a lot of time begging them to come home for the weekend! You can find her outside doing a lazy run, visiting local donut shops, taking naps or with her nose in a book.

In the Spring of 2022 she finally took the leap and started her own business where she creates role-play dates for you and your spouse to do together, so Katie is the role-play expert!  She named her website Faithful Fling because all of her role-play scenarios will be just between you and your spouse, hence the Faithful part, and she named these fun role-play dates “Flings” because she wanted to apply a fun and flirty word for your role-play date night.  She loves what she does and can’t wait for the moment when Faithful Fling becomes a common name for date night!

Katie is a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints who encourages everyone to embrace their God-given sexuality, improve their intimacy and connection with their spouse and learn to have fun in the bedroom! She’s been married for 24 years and they still date each other every week.

You can find her:

On Instagram

On her website

Or email her at katie@faithfulfling.com

Get your first fling for free! 

Rather than dwelling on the questions your brain is offering to you, answer them. Thoughtfully think about them and answer them.  You have the answers already inside of you. I’m so excited to share this teaser from my subscription podcast with you. In this episode, I talk to Jen and Floyd about taking things to the next level. I’ve been working with them for a couple of years now and the change has been amazing. But now they’re ready to go to the next level with their sex life. Listen in to see what that means for them and what questions they have as they do it. Are you ready to go to the next level?

How do I get my wife to develop her sexual self? That is probably one of the most common questions I get from husbands. This question makes the assumption that if I just say the right thing in the right way their eyes will be opened and all will be right in my world. But that is not usually the case. And what it actually ends up doing is creating more unhealthy pressure. So, how do you create healthy pressure? Listen to this episode to find out.

In this episode, I’m speaking with Dr. Cami Hurst about her research into consenting to unwanted sex. This research is ground breaking in understanding why so many middle aged women have no libido. I am so happy to be able to share both what she found in her research and also what to do about it.

Cami Hurst, LAMFT, is a sex and relationship therapist in Meridian, ID. Cami operates a private practice offering therapy, coaching, and online small group education. She is a founder and current President of the Idaho Association of Sexual Health Professionals (ISHP). She holds a PhD in Clinical Sexology and a Master’s Degree in Marriage, Couple, and Family Therapy. Cami is passionate about helping couples and individuals improve their sexual health.

You can find the slides that we reference in the show here.

Find Cami on:

Her website - https://camihurst.com/

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/dr.camihurst/

Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/camijill/

Her podcast, Sex Therapy 101 - https://camihurst.com/sex-therapy-101-podcast

My clients often have transactional relationships with their spouses without even realizing it. In this episode, I want to explain what a transactional marriage is, why we don’t want it and what we want instead. I was recently reminded that people often think of our relationship with our Heavenly Father as transactional when all He wants is a relationship with us. As we pattern our lives after our Heavenly Parents, we can come to realize that the relationship is the most important part of our marriages as well. Let’s talk about transactional vs relational marriages.

A Couple's Guide to Creating a More Divine Marriage eBook

What is empowerment? More importantly, how can we be sexually empowered? In this episode, we’re going to not only answer these questions, but also how to know if we are sexually empowered or if we’re just seeking outside validation. Sexual empowerment feels differently for everyone which is why it’s something we evaluate for ourselves rather than have someone else tell us. Listen to find out how to be empowered sexually.

In this episode, I’m speaking with Joey Mascio. He is a fellow life coach and good friend who normally works with teens helping them become the hero of their own story. But today we’re taking it a step further. A lot of what we think about ourselves comes from when we were teenagers. So we too need to find a way to become the heroes of our stories! Whether you were a teenager once or are raising a teenager, this is a must listen episode!

You can find Joey at:

His website: http://www.sidekicktohero.com/

His Instagram account just for teens: https://www.instagram.com/sidekicktohero/

His Instagram account for parents: https://www.instagram.com/joey_sidekicktohero/

Or his podcast, Secrets for an Awesome Life: https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/secrets-for-an-awesome-life/id1504492900

I’m excited to share with you a teaser for my new subscription podcast, Embracing You. In this Embracing You episode, I talk to Emily about how shame is affecting her sex life. We discuss where this shame comes from and some ways to get over it. Sexual shame is something I see a lot in my clients, especially in our conservative Christian culture, even though we don’t always see it as shame. Listen in as I teach Emily what she can do to stop letting the shame keep her from getting what she truly wants.

If you like what you hear, join me in the Embracing You podcast by going to amandalouder.com/embracingyoupod

What is enthusiastic consent and why do we need to talk about it? That’s what we’re going to delve into in this episode. We have to enthusiastically consent to sex every single time. Just laying there and letting him do whatever he wants isn’t enthusiastic consent. Listen in to see how to give enthusiastic consent and how much better it can make your sex life.

In this episode, I am talking to my friend and mentor, Aimée Gianni, about how to have a covenant marriage. So often we stay in our broken marriages because we made a covenant. But what if doing that is actually breaking your covenant? 

Aimée offers some amazing things to think about if we are at the point where we are thinking about divorce. Even if we’re happy in your marriage, her advice can help us progress along the path.

You can find Aimée Gianni at:

https://aimeegianni.com/

Instagram: @aimeegiannims

Love Notes Sign Up: https://view.flodesk.com/pages/63925632df727ca7117b05f5

In this episode, I’m talking with fellow coach and my real life best friend, Crystal Hansen, all about how conflict actually builds intimacy in your marriage. I know this sounds counter intuitive, but it really does work. We all want to feel connected and when we try to avoid conflict, that creates a wedge in our relationships. Crystal shares with us Gottman’s Four Horsemen of conflict and the antidotes for each one. This episode is a great way to start thinking about who we want to be in our marriages next year.

You can find Crystal Hansen at:

http://crystalhansencoaching.com/

Instagram: @crystalhansen_

New Podcast: Couples in Conflict

Often in marriage, if there is disconnect in one part of the relationship, there is also disconnect in the bedroom. That’s how I came to know my guest today, Lisa. After getting married in the Temple, Lisa’s husband had a faith crisis and left the Church. Lisa was angry at him for changing the future that she had envisioned for them. She and her husband found therapy and that really has helped her marriage, but she still didn’t want to have any sort of intimacy in their relationship. That’s what brought her to coaching. I love what Lisa shares about hope and love and joy in this episode. Even if you are not going through the same thing, you will love her message.

My most downloaded podcast episode is #134 - Masturbation and the Church. I published this episode over 2 years ago and it’s still something I get asked about all of the time. It’s a hot topic because of the negative messages we have received about masturbation. So, in this episode, we’re going to look at how masturbation can increase your connection and intimacy in your marriage, if done in a healthy way. Curious? Listen in!