Death Dhamma Podcast

Recalling her experiences visiting a California state prison alongside regular guest Venerable De Hong, Margaret Meloni uncovers the raw and profound manifestations of suffering within the correctional environment. Through the stories shared by incarcerated individuals, she highlights the common threads of abuse, abandonment, and addiction that contribute to their circumstances—a powerful reminder of the multifaceted nature of suffering.

We are reminded:

Journey through a powerful sutta from the Samyutta Nikaya, where we witness a profound exchange between the Buddha and a newly ordained monk grappling with a severe illness. As the monk confronts his increasing pain and anxiety, the Buddha's compassionate visit becomes a pivotal moment for transformation. Rather than simply seeking to alleviate the monk's physical suffering, the Buddha engages him in a thoughtful Socratic dialogue, guiding him to explore the teachings on impermanence and non-self—core principles of Buddhism that resonate deeply in our lives.

Through a series of thought-provoking questions, the Buddha helps the monk realize that the senses and intellect, which he had previously regarded as integral to his identity, are transient and ultimately cannot be clung to as "self." This exploration leads the monk to a crucial insight: "Whatever is subject to origination is all subject to cessation." As he begins to disassociate from his attachment to these impermanent phenomena, he finds a sense of dispassion that paves the way for liberation from mental suffering, independent of his physical condition.

Consider these thought-provoking questions about the most important individuals in your life. Are you clinging to them out of fear? Or are you nurturing your relationships with love and mindfulness? Know the difference between unhealthy attachment and genuine care, it's natural to love your family and friends, but you must also be prepared to release them if needed. Listeners are invited to engage in a reflective exercise, considering the actions they've taken—or would take—to maintain these vital connections.

Do not abandon your need for companionship. Highlighting the importance of community even among monks and nuns, you are encouraged to think critically about your attachments and to cultivate mindfulness in your interactions. This exploration includes inviting you to contemplate relationships that you avoid and the reasons behind your aversion, considering the emotional costs of such avoidance.

Answer this powerful question: if you had one last opportunity to speak to someone, who would it be?

Clinging to outdated ideas and plans is like trying to control the waves of the ocean - the more we resist, the more frustrated we become. By letting go and accepting impermanence, we can become more resilient and open ourselves up to new possibilities. Shedding our old beliefs and plans, like a snake shedding its skin, allows for personal growth and self-exploration. This process of letting go is part of the journey towards release from suffering. 

Listeners are asked to consider these steps to navigate the process of letting go:

1.    Acknowledge your feelings - It's natural to experience a sense of loss or sadness when letting go, and it's important to give these emotions the space they deserve.

2.    Take responsibility - Recognize that you have the power to shape your own path and make choices that align with your newfound insights.

3.    Practice acceptance - Understand that you can't control everything, but you can control your responses. Letting go of attachments to specific outcomes opens you up to new possibilities.

4.    Welcome new beginnings - Releasing outdated beliefs and plans creates space for new ideas, experiences, and perspectives. It's an opportunity to redefine yourself and your journey.

Reading from the Sallatha Sutta, or "The Arrow," from the Pali Canon, Margaret Meloni explores the intricate nature of suffering and how our responses to pain can significantly impact our mental well-being. By reviewing this essential Buddhist text, we unpack the distinction between the uninstructed ordinary person and the well-instructed disciple of the noble ones, revealing how each navigates the experience of pain and pleasure.

Margaret reminds us of the concept of the "two arrows" that the Buddha speaks of—where the first arrow represents the initial physical pain we encounter, while the second arrow symbolizes the additional mental anguish we inflict upon ourselves through our reactions.

Drawing on relatable examples and insights, she sheds light on how an uninstructed individual might spiral into sorrow and lamentation following an uncomfortable experience, thereby compounding their suffering. In contrast, the well-instructed disciple embraces a more skillful approach, acknowledging pain without layering it with unnecessary grief, confusion, or distraction.

Listeners will gain a deeper understanding of how cultivating wisdom and non-attachment allows one to transcend the second arrow of self-inflicted anguish. Whether you're a longtime practitioner or just curious about Buddhist philosophy, this conversation offers valuable lessons on responding to life's inevitable challenges with grace and insight. Join us for a journey toward liberation from suffering, as we aim to embody the teachings of the Buddha in our everyday lives.

Understand your own limitations and boundaries- before you dive into helping others. There is value in both temporary solutions and empowering others for sustainable change. Every small act of help has significance.

Listeners are encouraged to recognize the interconnectedness of all sentient beings and the impact that your actions can have on the lives of others. Just remember to be self-aware and to avoid unhealthy attachments to helping. You can embrace your role in the larger mosaic of humanity and to make a difference in the world, no matter where  you are on our own path.

A conversation with a friend who was feeling overwhelmed by the challenges and crises happening in the world, such as political strife, international conflicts, and environmental disasters, led host Margaret Meloni to focus on the fact that we cannot control the external world. Instead, we must focus on what we can control - our own thoughts, emotions, and actions. Taking refuge in the Triple Gem (Buddha, Dhamma, Sangha) can provide the tools and support needed to navigate these turbulent times. Find refuge in the Triple Gem, as it provides a pathway to liberation from suffering and the opportunity for spiritual awakening and enlightenment.

A heartfelt story of a father reaching out to his daughter during a tumultuous time—her recent breakup. Through a series of poignant text messages, he emphasizes the powerful analogy of bulls and cows when it comes to facing life's challenges. While cows seek shelter during a storm, prolonging their suffering, bulls charge straight through the storm, experiencing the full intensity of the storm but emerging more swiftly on the other side. The father’s advice to his daughter? Embrace the pain and confront her feelings head-on, rather than running away.

This metaphor, illustrates how we all encounter impermanence and loss throughout our lives. From the endings of relationships to the inevitable decline of our own bodies, these experiences shape our journey. But how do we cultivate the courage to face them? Consider the story of a woman coping with alopecia, demonstrating how acceptance can often require a process before it transforms into courage.

You will be encouraged to reflect on the qualities needed to embody the "bull" in your own storms: bravery, self-compassion, and the acceptance that suffering, while inevitable, can be navigated with grace.

Life often throws us into situations that make us ponder our purpose and the impact of our daily actions. The concept of Right Livelihood, part of the Noble Eightfold Path, provides a guiding light, illuminating a path to ethical living and purposeful work.

Join Margaret Meloni as she dives deep into the essence of Right Livelihood, examining how it encourages honesty, fairness, and empathy in all our interactions. We'll discuss how these principles not only contribute to personal satisfaction and spiritual growth but also foster societal well-being. 

Learn how to overcome challenges, make mindful decisions, and cultivate healthy work relationships grounded in empathy and respect. By reflecting on your current work environment and taking actionable steps, you can begin to navigate your path towards Right Livelihood, turning everyday tasks into opportunities for personal growth and societal contribution.

Listener Challenge: Reflect on your current work and identify aspects that align or conflict with your personal values. Take one actionable step to bring your professional life closer to the principles of Right Livelihood.

Special guest Simon Bown, a renowned past life regression hypnotherapist, shares his wealth of knowledge and experience in the field, explaining how he guides clients back to their past lives through hypnosis to uncover unresolved trauma and gain insights for healing in their current lifetime.

Through the captivating discussion, Simon and Margaret explore the concept of reincarnation and the Buddhist perspective on suffering, pondering the idea that our souls may choose to endure challenges in different lifetimes in order to learn and evolve. Simon recounts some of his own powerful past life regression experiences, shedding light on how they have shaped his dedication to helping others through this transformative therapy.

Listeners will gain valuable insights into the process of past life regression, including the visualization techniques used to release negative energy and the unexpected revelations and healing that often occur for clients. Simon also highlights the common themes he has observed in past life regressions, emphasizing the importance of self-care and setting boundaries when engaging in this profound work.

As the episode draws to a close, Simon leaves listeners with a powerful message to cultivate a connection with their spirit guides for guidance and support on their soul's journey of growth and evolution. Join Simon and Margaret and explore the mysteries of past lives and gain a deeper understanding of the healing power of past life regression therapy.

Through a series of insightful interviews with guests, Margaret Meloni explores how suffering can manifest mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The episode highlights the idea that suffering is a natural part of life and serves as a guidepost, signaling when something is out of alignment in our lives.

Listeners are taken on a journey through different perspectives on suffering, from stress and trauma to addiction and physical pain. The episode emphasizes the interconnectedness of suffering and its cessation, viewing them as integral parts of the human experience. Margaret shares valuable insights from her guests, who have experienced suffering firsthand and have dedicated themselves to helping others navigate their own struggles.

The episode concludes with a reflection on the importance of holding space for suffering, without judgment or the need to "fix" it. Listeners are left with a deeper understanding of suffering as a universal human experience and the potential for growth and transformation that can arise from it.

Meet Reverend Jessica Sharpe, founder of the Joyful Death Institute. Reverend Jessica shares their spiritual journey from being raised in a Mormon family to finding Buddhism, particularly the teachings of Thich Nhat Hanh and Tibetan Buddhism. They discuss the Buddhist concept of the Second Noble Truth - the truth of suffering, emphasizing the importance of acknowledging and sitting with suffering rather than trying to intellectualize or fix it.

Reverend Jessica shares how their spiritual journey has helped them develop the ability to hold space for others' suffering with compassion and neutrality, allowing the suffering to move through rather than getting stuck. They believe this is a key part of healing and integration. The conversation then focuses on Reverend Jessica's work with the Joyful Death Institute, where they help people approach death and dying in a more positive, joyful, and enlightening way.

The institute offers services such as transition readings and psychic healings, facilitating discussions around end-of-life wishes, and educating people about Tibetan Buddhist teachings on the stages of consciousness and the process of dying. Reverend Jessica emphasizes the importance of allowing all emotions around death and dying to be present, and shares their self-care practices to sustain themself in this emotionally demanding work, including energetic boundaries, meditation, prayer, and creative outlets like clowning and art. Overall, Reverend Jessica's holistic approach to supporting people through life and death transitions highlights the liberating potential of the dying process.

We all need to have difficult discussions. Host Margaret Meloni shares a personal anecdote about a situation where she avoided giving feedback to an underperforming employee, leading to negative consequences for both parties involved. This serves as a prime example of how avoiding difficult conversations can ultimately do more harm than good.

The concept of "compassionate directness" is introduced as a way to approach challenging discussions with empathy and understanding. By empowering individuals to provide feedback, voice concerns, and disagree in a constructive manner, communication can be more effective and relationships can thrive. It's emphasized that being direct doesn't mean lacking compassion, but rather finding a balance between honesty and empathy.

This understanding can help create a more compassionate and supportive atmosphere where difficult discussions are approached with care and respect. By practicing fierce self-compassion, individuals can address situations where they could have handled things better without harboring negative emotions.

The message of the podcast is clear: by embracing compassionate directness, we can reduce suffering, improve communication, and cultivate more meaningful relationships.

Ryan Gray, shares his personal experience with addiction and homelessness. He describes how addiction can make even basic tasks like getting to a shelter on time incredibly challenging. The stigma around homelessness and addiction often leads people to wrongly assume those struggling can simply "get a job" and fix their problems.

Gray explains that addiction is not about seeking pleasure, but rather about avoiding the excruciating pain and sickness of withdrawal. The addiction becomes all-consuming, leading to desperate and uncharacteristic behaviors just to stave off withdrawal. He emphasizes that addiction is a disease, not a choice, and that willpower alone is often insufficient to overcome it.

Gray's path to recovery involved years of intensive treatment, including inpatient rehab, dual diagnosis programs, and long-term mental health support. He credits the unwavering support of his family, as well as participation in 12-step groups, as crucial to his ability to get and stay sober. The concept of a "higher power" was important, as it helped him let go of the ego and admit he could not conquer the addiction alone.

Now sober since 2007, Gray has channeled his experiences into writing. He reads a poignant excerpt from his book "Twilight in York," which poetically describes the heartbreak and loss he caused his loved ones during his active addiction. Gray sees his writing as a way to help others struggling with addiction and mental illness by sharing his story.

Find out more about Ryan and "Twilight in York," here:

www.twilightinyork.com

https://www.amazon.com/Twilight-York-One-Ryan-Gray/dp/B0CKS6F9XK 

https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100056778799688

In this episode, we'll explore the Brahma Viharas - the four sublime states of loving-kindness, compassion, sympathetic joy, and equanimity. These meditative practices are key to gaining release from suffering according to the Buddhist tradition.

We'll discuss how the Brahma Viharas work together to purify the mind and prepare it for the path to liberation. Cultivating boundless love, compassion, joy, and equanimity not only benefits ourselves, but also extends these positive qualities to all beings around us.

While the Brahma Viharas are not the ultimate goal in themselves, they are crucial in preparing the mind for the final stages of enlightenment and liberation. By radiating these qualities to all beings, practitioners not only benefit themselves but also contribute to a more compassionate and harmonious world. Tune in to learn more about how these practices can lead to a state of profound inner peace and freedom from suffering.

In this episode of the podcast, host Margaret Meloni explores two poignant stories from the Jataka tales, which are Buddhist stories that recount the Buddha's previous lives. Through these tales, listeners are introduced to the Buddhist ideals of selflessness, compassion, and the acceptance of impermanence. The first story follows the selfless sacrifice of a rabbit who jumps into a fire to feed a holy man, only to discover that the holy man is actually the king of the gods testing the rabbit's virtue. The second story tells of a woodpecker who helps a lion in distress, only to realize the lion's true nature and the importance of setting boundaries.

Throughout the episode, Margaret delves into the themes of generosity, compassion, and drawing on both to ease the suffering of others.

Tune in to discover the rich teachings and insights that the Jataka tales have to offer.

Giselle Taraba  shares her insights on how to navigate suffering through the lens of the Buddhist Four Noble Truths, and how she has learned to approach compassion in a grounded and centered way. Her conversation with host, Margaret Meloni touches on the importance of self-compassion and how it serves as a foundation for extending compassion to others without becoming overwhelmed.

Giselle shares her personal journey of leaving a high-stress corporate job to pursue her passion for bringing love, compassion, and spiritual alignment into the workplace. She discusses her upcoming book on reimagining education to incorporate mindfulness and emotional intelligence, and explores the myths surrounding compassion as a sign of weakness. Giselle emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and practicing self-care as acts of fierce compassion.

 The episode also delves into the power of finding spiritual practices that help us stay grounded and replenished, and the importance of taking small steps towards our passions to fulfill our highest potential. Giselle’s wisdom and practical advice offer listeners a roadmap for living more joyful and purposeful lives through the transformative power of compassion. Join Margaret and Giselle on this enlightening and inspiring journey towards alleviating suffering and living authentically.

Find Giselle at: https://maitricentre.com/

Let’s consider the fascinating figure of Bodhisattva Avalokiteshvara, also known as Guanyin, in Mahayana Buddhism. We delve into the story of how Avalokiteshvara made a vow to save all sentient beings from suffering, and how he was granted a thousand arms by Buddha Amitabha to better assist those in need.

 Avalokiteshvara has become one of the most popular Buddhist bodhisattvas. The “Basket Display” sutra is credited for bringing us the secret six syllable mantra, "Om Mani Padme Hum.” This text also is key in introducing Avalokiteshvara and positioning him as a powerful and compassionate being. One who transcends the realms, one who the Buddha turns to for wisdom.

 We examine the complex narratives within the sutra, detailing Avalokiteshvara's activities in various realms and his interactions with other Buddhist figures. You will gain a deeper understanding of Avalokiteshvara's immense merit and powers, as well as the significance of his secret mantra. Overall, this episode provides a comprehensive overview of the Avalokiteshvara figure, his legendary origins, and the profound spiritual significance attributed to him in certain Buddhist traditions.

Margaret welcomes Trinn Hatch, the co-creator of Jampha Tibetan Pharmacy, to discuss the topic of suffering and relief from suffering. Trinn Hatch shares his own remarkable journey with suffering, from a severe leg injury that almost resulted in amputation to finding healing through cannabinoids, CBD, and terpenes. His dedication to helping others find relief from their suffering is truly inspiring.

Trinn's personal story is one of resilience, faith, and the transformative power of traditional Tibetan medicine. Through his own healing journey, he discovered the importance of holistic approaches, personalized protocols, and the spiritual and emotional aspects of healing. His collaboration with Amchi Thubten La has deepened his understanding of healing and led to the development of unique formulas like "Healing Heart" to address emotional and spiritual blockages.

 Listeners will be intrigued by Trinn's insights on issues like Lyme disease, mold, and fungus, and how his company has created protocols to address these underlying causes of suffering. His emphasis on self-care, regeneration, and the integration of meditative and spiritual components into healing processes provides valuable guidance for those seeking relief from their own suffering.

Overall, this episode is a powerful exploration of suffering, healing, and the profound potential of Tibetan medicine. Trinn’s story and dedication to helping others find relief from suffering serve as a source of inspiration and hope for all who are on their own healing journey. Make sure to tune in to this insightful and transformative conversation.

Learn more at jamphha.com, mention the Death Dhamma podcast for a free consultation – sign up at heal.me/jampha

Note: This podcast is not medical guidance. If you are experiencing physical pain or illness, be sure to work with your own medical professional.

In this podcast episode, Margaret Meloni shares her personal journey of finding relief from suffering during times of grief and loss. She emphasizes the importance of practicing self-compassion and allowing oneself to feel uncomfortable with death and grief as a normal human experience. Meloni discusses the benefits of being present and not getting caught up in being productive or avoiding the pain of grief.

 Listeners will hear how Meloni found solace in practicing gratitude, caring for her pets, and engaging with Buddhist teachings on impermanence and death. She shares how teachings such as the Four Noble Truths and dependent origination helped her come to terms with the reality of mortality and reduce her suffering. Meloni encourages consistent spiritual practice and finding teachings that resonate with each individual's beliefs and values.

 The key message of the episode is that by practicing self-compassion, gratitude, and engaging with teachings on impermanence, listeners can find relief from suffering and a greater sense of ease during life's most challenging moments. Join Margaret Meloni as she offers insight and guidance on finding peace and comfort in the face of grief and loss.

In this episode, Margaret is  honored to host Venerable Clear Grace Dayananda, an ordained Buddhist monastic in both the Mahayana and Theravada tradition. Known as the "Traveling Nunk," Venerable Clear Grace shares her experiences of living in the heart of New Orleans' Seventh Ward, a historically significant black community. She describes the vibrancy and diversity of life in her urban surroundings, reflecting on the natural and human-made sounds that define her daily existence.

You can support her by visiting, https://travelingnunk.org/.

Venerable Clear Grace talks about her mission to offer refuge to those in need, sharing the power of dharma within her community. She discusses her plans to continue her travels once her roots are established in New Orleans and invites dharma friends worldwide to visit and experience the city's rich culture and history.

Engaging in a deep conversation about the acceptance of the nature of things, Venerable Clear Grace elucidates the concepts of equanimity and the noble truth of suffering. She shares her perspective on perceiving all components of life, both pleasant and unpleasant, as a unified, intrinsic part of the existence. She emphasizes the profound understanding of the origin and cessation of suffering, which, she believes, enriches the overall life experience.

This conversation provides a thought-provoking exploration of the intersections between urban living, spiritual practice, and community engagement. Tune in to learn more about Venerable Clear Grace's journey and her teachings on embracing all aspects of life through the lens of dharma.

Today, we delve into the fascinating story of Anāthapiṇḍika, chief patron of Buddha and the figure behind the creation of Jeta’s Grove Monastery. Known as the 'Great Benefactor', Anāthapiṇḍika's unrelenting support and generosity towards Buddha and his monks enabled them to spend twenty-five fruitful retreats in Sāvatthi. His significant contributions, however, extend beyond mere financial support.

 His contributions led to the establishment of a treasured body of knowledge in early Buddhism.

Anāthapiṇḍika's story is also one of humility. Despite his prominent role, he often hesitated to seek personal advice out of fear of accusations of trading his donations for special attention.

 In this episode, we'll unpack the rich legacy left behind by Anāthapiṇḍika, who was not just the benefactor to the Buddha and his monks, but a benefactor to the countless others who would follow the path of the Buddha. His story serves as a reminder that generosity extends beyond material wealth and is truly about the creation and sharing of wisdom. Join us on this philosophical journey as we explore the teachings, contributions and legacy of Anāthapiṇḍika.

In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, we speak to Reverend Christine Davies, a hospital chaplain, writer, and an 'evangelist for grief'. Christine is also well-versed in cognitive behavioral therapy, Reiki, and is a seminary professor. Besides her professional interests, she is also a triathlete and a beekeeper.

Christine shares her thoughts on suffering and how she views her main calling, which is to be with others who are suffering. She talks about her work as a hospital chaplain, teaching students and clergy on how to be at the bedside of someone who is suffering or dying. She also provides spiritual direction to individuals, helping them deepen their own spiritual life and ask larger questions that society doesn't always allow for.

One of the central themes of this episode is the idea of suffering and the human condition, which Christine relates to spiritual distress. She talks about how suffering comes from a sense of disconnection, either with oneself, other people, or something transcendent. This concept is explored in depth, with Christine differentiating between adversity and suffering.

A personal story is shared by Christine about her health struggles and how it led her to the path she is on now. She discusses how her journey through hospitalizations, guesswork, trial and error with medications, and eventually a diagnosis of generalized epilepsy, shaped her understanding of suffering and deepened her desire to help others navigate through their own experiences of suffering.

This episode is a deep dive into the nature of suffering, the importance of spiritual care, and the immense value of providing a space for individuals to voice their feelings and make sense of their experiences. It illustrates how personal experiences can shape our professional paths and deepen our understanding of the human condition.

In this episode, we consider Simon Boaz and his perspective as he faces his own impending death. He shares his perspective on life and the importance of appreciating the experiences we have had, rather than focusing on what is missing. While not specifically a Buddhist, his outlook aligns with some Buddhist teachings. Specifically encouraging us to make good use of our human life and recognize the gift that it is. He acknowledges the letdown of the medical process in his own situation, but refuses to live with blame and anger, knowing that it will only serve to make his remaining time more difficult.

Drawing from his letter, ‘A Beginners Guide to Death,’  we learn that he expresses gratitude for the support and compassion he has received from loved ones and strangers alike. He reflects on the accomplishments and adventures he has had throughout his life, emphasizing that it's not about the length of time lived, but the quality of the moments experienced. Carpe diem, seize the day, and enjoy the small ways in which we can bring happiness to others.

He also shares his belief in the existence of something beyond this life, stating that what will truly survive of us is love. While he acknowledges that we don't know for certain what comes next, he finds it unlikely that our existence is simply a fleeting blip between eternities of nothingness. He emphasizes the incredible luck and improbable circumstances that have brought each of us into existence, comparing it to winning the jackpot every day.

Ultimately, his words encourage us to reflect on our own lives, appreciate the joys and love experienced, and find gratitude for the opportunity to have lived at all. It serves as a reminder to make the most of our time and strive to bring happiness to others, embracing the uncertainty of what lies beyond with a sense of hope and wonder.

In this episode of the Death Dhamma Podcast, host Margaret welcomes Linda Hochstetler, an accomplished social worker, psychotherapist, Buddhist meditation teacher, and author of the book "21 Days to Die, The Canadian Guide to End of Life." Linda shares her passion for the topic of illness, dying, and death, and how she combines her expertise in grief work, hospice palliative care, Buddhism, and meditation to bring a unique perspective to her work.

Margaret and Linda discuss the second noble truth of suffering and how it can be interpreted in different ways. Linda emphasizes the importance of recognizing both small T trauma and capital T trauma, and how these daily struggles and losses can wear on us. They also delve into the chronology of dying and death, highlighting the significance of the dying process and the cascading losses that occur leading up to the last breath.

The conversation takes an intimate turn as Margaret shares a personal experience with her father's death and the relief that came with understanding the stages of dying. Linda explains how recognizing the signs of impending death can bring comfort to caregivers and loved ones, as it signifies that the suffering is almost over for the dying person.

Lastly, Linda opens up about a tragic event in her own life that shaped her understanding of suffering at a young age. She shares the story of her boyfriend's sudden death and how it thrust her into a club she never wanted to join, but which ultimately deepened her connection to the truth of suffering.

Tune in as Margaret and Linda explore the complexities of death, grief, and finding meaning in the face of suffering.

Tune in as we explore the profound impact of a small act of kindness, reminding us all of the tremendous difference we can make in someone else's life if we are mindful and empathetic. This heartwarming story serves as a metaphor for how we can confront feelings of failure and despair in our lives and those around us. Could we not do the same, if we try?

This episode asks you to reflect - is it not true that we all have the capacity to offer a helping hand, to lift someone's spirits, to remind them that they are not alone? How often do we let these moments pass us by, engrossed in our worlds, not realizing what a small act could mean for someone else? This episode invites you to think, to feel, and above all, to care. Come join us in this enriching journey as we challenge ourselves to live more consciously, more kindly.

Today we explore the deep, historical connection between humans and two of our most enduring companions - horses and dogs. We delve into the intricacies of how these magnificent creatures have shaped our evolution just as we have shaped theirs. From the wide-stretching plains where horses have galloped alongside us, to the edges of forests where dogs have keenly observed us- we uncover the deep-rooted bond that has formed over eons.

Horses and dogs have been there for us, in countless ways that continue to evolve. Now, let's shine a light on how these wonderful creatures continue to give, as we explore the transformative world of horse and dog therapy. These animals play a crucial role in our journey towards healing and finding release from suffering.

Yet, we are compelled to remember that our growth and evolution has a profound impact on these creatures and the ecosystems they inhabit. As we evolve, so do they. As we benefit, so should they. Our mission is not just to explore our relationship with them but to understand how we can ensure their well-being, and avoid causing them harm.

Join us, as we explore the symbiotic relationship between humans, horses, and dogs. Tune in for a rich, insightful discussion that promises to be as educational as it is moving.

In this episode, we explore the unexpected ways in which caring for a pet can provide purpose and comfort during difficult times. Our pets can help bring us release from suffering. We discuss how, amidst the business of death and the turmoil of grief, the presence of pets can deliver a comforting sense of stability and routine.

Some days, the company of a pet offers comfort when human interaction may be too overwhelming. With a pet you always having someone to come home to - someone who is always excitedly awaiting your return. And if you're someone who often talks to yourself, like many of us do, having a pet around ensures that there's a listener on the other side - a vivid reminder that you're not alone.

This episode also addresses the sentimental connection that pets can hold as a cherished shared memory of a departed loved one. We also delve into the fun, quirky, and sometimes humbling aspects of having a pet, discussing how they're quick to remind us that we are not the center of the universe - and that they, sometimes, need to be fed too!

Finally, we talk about the unexpected joys and distractions our pets provide, whether it's dragging ribbons out from the hidden corners of the home or initiating a wake-up call. We conclude by reminding our listeners that while pets are a fantastic source of companionship and support, they can't replace professional help when it's needed. So, tune in and join us as we unravel the deep, beautiful bond between humans and their furry friends!

Bodhisatta or Bodhisattva is a term often used to describe an enlightened individual who possesses wisdom and compassion. These are people who demonstrate the paramitas or perfections in their lifestyle. We says this as a compliment, a form of admiration. 

 The definition of Bodhisattva extends beyond being a beacon of relief in a world of suffering, especially when considering the term across the three major ways of being Buddhist - Theravāda, Mahāyana, and Vajrayāna. However, we won't explore a full-scale exposition of what Bodhisattva signifies in these varied paths of Buddhism this time around. Instead, we ponder, how fully developed does one need to be in order to help others with their suffering?

 Are all those who help others deal with their suffering Bodhisattvas? Must one wait to embark on the noble journey of aiding others in their suffering? 

In this thought-provoking episode, we delve Buddhist practice, exploring the profound connections between mettā practice and the concept of merit. We ponder whether these two aspects are separate or intertwined, and how they can complement each other in our journey towards inner peace and compassion.

We begin with a contemplation of mettā, alternatively known as loving-kindness or goodwill, and its role in directing well-wishes and positive intentions towards others. We discuss how genuine mettā goes beyond mere words and is fundamentally about wishing genuine happiness and well-being for everyone- even those we find challenging.

Transitioning smoothly into the concept of merit, we consider how it is intrinsically linked to our actions and intentions. Merit, as we discuss, is a positive force accruing from our good deeds, but it’s not just about the deeds themselves, it's about the intentions behind them. It is the actions we take with a mind free of ill will that truly generate merit.

In the final segment, we explore how mettā and merit work hand-in-hand. We discuss how cultivating mettā can create an environment conducive for generating merit, and how, in turn, this merit can be dedicated to all beings, working towards a world free from suffering.

As we journey deeper into this season, we anticipate the theme of compassion to be a recurring motif in our discussions with those who work tirelessly to ease the sufferings of others. Compassion, while not always verbally expressed, is often the undercurrent that drives their actions and fuels their motivations.

This episode kicks off with an interesting anecdote from Margaret’s past - a statement made by an academic teacher claiming the absence of compassion in Theravada Buddhism. This claim, which left a deep impression, led her to an explorative quest on the existence of compassion in the Pali Canon. She spent time with these ancient texts to uncover the truth.

Margaret seeks to debunk the misunderstood notion that the Pali Canon holds no teachings on compassion. Through research and critical examination of the texts, she reveals the innate presence of compassion within Theravada Buddhism. Here's a spoiler: compassion is real and it's powerful. It's in the way we recognize another's suffering, empathize with them, and are spurred into action to alleviate their pain.

Join Margaret as she unravels the profound essence of compassion in the philosophy of Theravada Buddhism, and how it continues to inspire and drive people to make a difference in the world.

What if suffering acts as a compass, guiding us towards areas of our life that require care and attention? Suffering signals us that we are out of alignment with our true selves and need to course-correct. When we ignore this signal we will encounter tangible pain and emotional suffering both stemming from a resistance to change and progress.

Renee explains that disconnection is the root of human suffering. This feeling of disconnection, she suggests, is at the heart of many anxieties, depressions, and dysfunctions. If we each work to heal our own trauma and emotional wounds, we can be show up on the world feeling connected and healthy and ready to be who and what we are truly  meant to be.

Join Margaret and Renee as they navigate this existential journey, inviting you to look deeply at your own interconnectedness with the world around you. Be reminded of the elemental nature of your existence: the air you breathe, the gravity that grounds you, and the water that flows through your body. This episode promises to inspire introspection, what healing are you working on, and how does disconnection play a role in your suffering.

Let’s delve into a commonly misunderstood aspect of Buddhism, particularly Theravada Buddhism – the concept of helping others as part of you spiritual journey. There's a prevalent misconception that according to Buddhist teachings, you should solely focus on your own liberation before turning your attention to help others..

Does this really imply a dismissal of helping others? Margaret argues that this is not the case. She believes that Buddhism, in all its forms, encourages us to support others. Moreover, she suggests that our own liberation is intricately connected to the liberation of others.

Through this discussion, Margaret aims to dispel misconceptions and provide deep insights into the compassionate core of Buddhism. She discusses the importance of helping others on their spiritual journey and how it contributes to your own progress and enlightenment. This episode will leave you with a renewed perspective on your own spiritual path and the role you play in others' journeys.

Dive into this thought-provoking episode as Stephen and Margaret delve into the most common suffering that many people encounter - low self-esteem. We explore the often overlooked consequence of self-doubt, the tendency to put others first to our own detriment, and how these feed into a cycle of disrespect – towards ourselves and from others.

Their discussion shifts towards the complexity of relationships and how they can often become a battlefield of dominance, with the stronger personality frequently overpowering the less assertive one. Stephen points out the rarity of perfectly balanced relationships, reflecting on the significant amount of dedication, attentiveness, and most importantly, mindfulness they require.

Continuing on  philosophical journey, Stephen reminds us of  the importance of respecting oneself and understanding our own needs. He emphasizes the critical role of fostering relationships that encourage this self-discovery and highlight when we compromise ourselves.

In this candid discourse, Margaret and Stephen touch on the often neglected aspect of self-care – valuing ourselves and caring for our emotional and spiritual well-being. We contemplate how neglect in these areas can lead to unhappiness and suffering in our relationships.

To wrap up, they return to the teachings of Buddha, not as a belief system, but as practical steps towards understanding ourselves and liberating ourselves from our own intense struggle. Drawing on the wisdom etched on the old temple at Delphi, "know thyself," they discuss the importance of self-realization and recognizing our own worth as crucial steps towards happiness.

And be sure to access this eBook from Stephen on the art of letting go - https://schettini.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2020/11/ArtOfLettingGo.pdf

Often, we perceive Buddhists as solitary figures, lost in the realms of meditation and self-reflection. But is this the whole picture? Is Buddhism just about individual enlightenment, or does it also advocate service to others?

The story of Buddhism begins with the Buddha, who walked a path of solitude, wisdom, and enlightenment. Yet, he initially hesitated to share his profound understanding of life and existence, fearing that it might be too complex for others to grasp. Nonetheless, he was persuaded that at least some would comprehend and benefit from his teachings. His decision to share his enlightenment sprouted from a profound sense of compassion and a desire to alleviate suffering.

Thus began the cycle of passing on wisdom and compassion, with disciples becoming teachers, and teachings resonating through the ages. This chain of enlightenment continues to this very day. Could it be then, that the essence of Buddhism lies not only in the pursuit of personal enlightenment but also in compassionately helping others?

Season 4 of the Death Dhamma podcast kicks off on Monday, February 5, 2024. It's time to take a look at the people in this world who help to alleviate the suffering of other beings. Maybe they help people, maybe they help animals, we want to know them. To learn how they do it, and how they spark their compassion. We also want to explore teachings, practices, and stories around freeing others from suffering. Why? Because each of us, in our way can help. We too, can bring relief to ourselves and others.

One day, a member of the group I meditated with said to me, “You write and talk about when a friend or family member dies, but what about when we lose our pets?” She had recently lost a cat who had been by her side for nineteen years. This loss was deep and painful. I carried her question with me and contemplated how best to write about grieving our animal friends. Around the same time, another friend told me they thought it would be interesting if my next book was about the spiritual nature of our pets. This, too, was a compelling idea.

I began to realize that I did not have anything new to add to the topic of grieving our pets. If I wrote something, I would most likely be recycling my thoughts around how Buddhism can help us with death and grief.

For me, the teachings that helped with the death of family and friends were also helpful when it came time to say goodbye to pets because at some point, many of us have stopped looking at our pets as animals, and we have elevated them to a place where we might even hold them in higher regard than the people around us. 

From theses thoughts emerged my new book, Enlightenment Unleashed: How Your Pet Can Lead You to Spiritual Transformation. Today, I share with you some thoughts on our pets, and attachment and suffering.

In this heartwarming episode, we delve into an often overlooked aspect of legacy planning: emotional life insurance. We acknowledge the importance of financial life insurance and how it protects our loved ones in our absence. But our conversation takes a unique turn as we ponder on the importance of leaving an emotional cushion for our dear ones.

Dr. Kimberly Harms, shares her compelling views on how our culture tends to shy away from such dialogues, and the impact of continuous conversations can have on providing emotional stability. Margaret shares her forward-thinking parents approach and how they prepared her for their departure, providing a safety net she didn't even realize she needed.

Our conversation then moves to practical ways to offer emotional support to our loved ones. The last part of our Kimberly’s book provides a comprehensive ‘death preppers workbook.' Listen in as she discusses her personal endeavors from the workbook, such as writing posthumous letters to her children and grandchildren, detailing her love and gratitude for them.

The episode ends on a hopeful note, emphasizing the importance of reflecting on the happy times with our loved ones, despite the inevitable pain of loss. Join us in this emotionally charged episode, as we explore how we can provide our loved ones with the emotional support they'll need after we pass.

And be sure to check out,  Are You Ready? How to Build a Legacy to Die For 

In this thought-provoking episode, our guest Seth delves into the primary sources of inspiration for his latest book, The House We Live In: Virtue, Wisdom, and Pluralism. In the wake of the 2016 elections, he felt compelled to discuss the competencies, understandings, habits, and skills vital for the survival of democracy, as he perceived it to be under threat. Seth also draws from his previous work comparing Buddhist and Aristotelian views of the good life, extending this comparison to Confucianism. He examines these three ancient approaches to understanding flourishing, virtue, and wisdom, and seeks to derive commonalities applicable in a modern ethical context.

Our conversation takes a turn as Seth and Margaret discuss the continuing threat to democracy in 2023. Seth emphasizes the need for constant vigilance and renewal of our commitment to democracy, as it is always at risk. The conversation evolves into an exploration of pluralism, the conflict of differing visions of a good life, and the challenges of cohabitation amidst diversity.

Seth provides a detailed explanation of flourishing-based ethics, stating that virtues like honesty, courage, fairness, and the ability to control emotions are crucial to leading a better life. He also highlights the importance of being emotionally satisfied, having meaningful relationships, appreciating aesthetics, and being fully present in life to achieve a state of flourishing. Seth believes that classical virtues and wisdom, as emphasized by Aristotle, Buddha, and Confucius, are crucial to leading such a life. 

 Seth calls for an ethical reset, asserting that engaging in virtues not only helps us live better lives but also contributes to a better society. This episode makes for a thought-provoking listen on the intertwining of ethics, democracy, and human flourishing.

Memento Mori-  A healthy way to remember that we are going to die. That doesn’t make it easy.

Join as Margaret Meloni and Francesca Arnoldy thoughtfully, joyfully, and peacefully discusses what it means to do the work. And how all of us can benefit from being prepared to face death.

This is a special between-season episode of The Deatth Dhamma podcast.

 If you are willing to do the work, then the Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared will by your gentle guide. With thoughtful exercises and meaningful reflections, you can proceed at your own pace, and gain peace and perspective as you help yourself and others prepare for the end of life.

And please enjoy this gift from Francesca, an excerpt from the Death Doula’s Guide to Living Fully and Dying Prepared

 https://contemplativedoula.files.wordpress.com/2023/08/excerpt_deathdoulasguide.pdf

Welcome back to another episode of the Death Dhamma podcast! In our previous episode, we were deeply inspired by Whitney Sause's transformative journey and her insights into Buddhism, attachment, and personal growth. Whitney's story resonated with us as she shared her experiences of disconnecting from a challenging lifestyle and finding a new path.

During her six-month retreat, Whitney embraced the practice of Buddhism and meditation, which became an integral part of her life. However, she also came to a point where she realized that she needed to find equanimity with the role of Buddhism in her journey. This led to a profound realization that she could imagine a life without it, without clinging or becoming overly attached to any particular belief or practice.

We also delved into the idea of the future self, acknowledging that the person we are today is simply passing the baton to the future version of ourselves. Whitney embraced this concept with openness, refusing to hold onto a fixed idea of who she must become. This sentiment perfectly aligns with the teachings from the Bhaddekaratta Sutta, where we are encouraged to let go of chasing the past and placing expectations on the future.

By reflecting on this passage, we are reminded that dwelling on the past or fixating on the future only leads to suffering. Instead, we can focus on the present moment and embrace the practice of letting go. In doing so, we can work towards making amends for past mistakes and not be burdened by them. Similarly, overly anticipating the future and becoming attached to specific outcomes can also bring about suffering.

As we take a brief hiatus before Season 4, we can rest assured that the theme of attachment will resurface in future episodes. After all, attachment is an inherent part of our human experience as we navigate the world and seek to alleviate suffering. The teachings and discussions shared by our wise teachers aim to help us make the most of this lifetime and ultimately prepare for a peaceful death, while accepting the inevitable loss of our loved ones along the way.

So, until we meet again, dear listeners, keep practicing in the present moment and stay open to the ever-changing journey of life. Who knows what tomorrow holds? See you soon!

In this episode of the podcast, Margaret introduces Whitney Sause, a Buddhist practitioner who has used Buddhism to navigate through significant challenges in her life. Whitney shares her journey of how she integrated Buddhism and attachment to overcome anger management issues and other difficulties. Whitney explains that her journey with anger began before her time in the military, as she was raised in an abusive and chaotic environment that lacked emotional processing skills. Seeking a way to escape the trauma, she enlisted in the military, which only reinforced her emotional walls and guardedness.

Whitney discusses the unique challenges faced by veterans and how Buddhism can help them navigate through their experiences. She reflects on the expectation for veterans to be tough and stoic, while vulnerability is often frowned upon. Whitney shares a pivotal moment in her life when the death of a friend made her realize the need for change. She made the decision to detach from her old lifestyle, disconnect from all her friends and family, and embark on a six-month journey of retreat and sobriety.

Throughout the episode, Whitney emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and breaking free from societal expectations. She recounts the moment she decided to visit her old partying scene after six months of retreat and sobriety, only to realize that people had let go of the person they thought she was. This experience reaffirmed her commitment to her new path and reinforced her faith in sobriety.

Join Margaret and Whitney as they delve into the intersection of Buddhism, attachment, and personal growth, exploring how these practices can provide guidance and healing in the face of life's challenges.

As we approach the end of season 3, Margaret finds herself reflecting on the lessons and challenges that come with planning a podcast. She realizes that there is an element of clinging involved in wanting to continue creating the podcast. However, she also acknowledges that if it is time to let go, then it is time to let go.

One of the attachments she has is the belief that she must be the sole creator of podcast ideas. This mindset stems from her tendency to work independently, which often leads to aversion when it comes to asking for help. It is a form of clinging to her own perception of self.

Despite the discussions, teachings, and personal reflections on clinging, craving, and aversion that we've explored in season 3, she finds herself still navigating these human tendencies

Recently, she had a realization that she didn’t have to figure everything out on her own. In a previous episode, she asked for input, and during a lunch with friends, she explained her dilemma. The conversation led to a suggestion: exploring Buddhist nonprofits and healing practitioners and how they help others find release from suffering. This idea resonated with Margaret,  as it aligns with the theme of overcoming attachment and finding liberation.

In this upcoming season 4, Margaret will lead the way and dive into the lives and practices of those who dedicate themselves to helping others alleviate suffering. She will explore different perspectives, such as the bodhisattva path of self-sacrifice and the belief that one's own practice and release from suffering should come first. However, it is important to note that these views are not necessarily opposing; rather, they can coexist. She will also discuss the importance of compassion towards us and others throughout our own personal journeys.

Before we officially wrap up season 3, there is one more interview lined up, where our guest will share her experiences with attachment and how she has dealt with loss. After that, we will take a hiatus with a special episode in October, November, and December.

But fear not, as the Death Dhamma podcast will return with season 4 in January.  You are invited  to send your requests and suggestions for topics and individuals you would like to hear from.

Today we delve into the teachings of the Pali Canon and explore the wisdom imparted by our esteemed teachers. Today, let's reflect on the concepts of tanha and dukkha, as elucidated in these verses:

"When this sticky, uncouth craving overtakes you in the world, your sorrows proliferate like wild grass after rain. However, if you are able to overcome this craving, which is hard to escape, your sorrows will roll off you like water beads off a lotus." (Dhp 335-336)

“Just as a tree, even when cut, can grow back if its root remains undamaged and strong, so too can suffering return repeatedly if latent craving is not rooted out.” (Dhp 338)

From these verses in the Dhammapada, we can make two observations: first, if our cravings dominate us, we will experience much sorrow; second, if we gain control over our cravings, we will encounter less difficulty. However, it is important to note that conquering cravings does not guarantee a life devoid of challenges. Rather, it enables us to navigate those challenges with greater skill and wisdom.

It is important to understand that it is not inherently wrong to desire or want something. What leads us down the path of unskillful attachment or desire is lobha, greed. Greed manifests when we crave more even when we have enough, when we hoard possessions that could benefit others, or when we lie, cheat, or steal to acquire something we intensely desire.

For those of us on this path, who are yet to attain enlightenment, experiencing greed is likely. The remedy for greed is found in generosity. Recognize the presence of greed within, understand that it is a natural part of our human condition, and embrace the opportunity to learn and release ourselves from suffering. Observe your feelings nonjudgmentally and with compassion, and work on uprooting these unskillful tendencies.

Like a skillful gardener tending to their plot, approach the roots of greed, anger, and delusion with patience and understanding. Instead of reacting with anger or surprise at what has rooted, simply identify it, analyze it, and use the appropriate tool, or in this case, the antidote. Generosity acts as a powerful antidote to greed.

So, let us embark on this journey together, paying close attention to what arises within us, the feelings that surface, and how we respond. Let us cultivate a nonjudgmental and compassionate attitude towards ourselves, nurturing the roots of skillful behavior. 

In this episode, we explore the topic of attachment and its role in our lives. Dr. Seth Zuiho Segal challenges the common belief that Buddhism advocates for non-attachment in all aspects of life. He explains that there are different kinds of attachments, including attachments to people, objects, opinions, and self-identity. While certain attachments can be limiting, Seth argues that relationships are crucial for our overall well-being and that they provide an opportunity to practice mindfulness and compassion. He encourages listeners to prioritize the quality of their relationships and to embrace the complexities of attachment.

Venerable De shares personal experience of forming attachments to people who mistreated him and the subsequent impact on his self-worth. He emphasizes the importance of letting go of negative self-views and hard feelings towards abusers in order to move forward and live a healthy life. Venerable De also highlights the significance of offering loving kindness and compassion, both to oneself and to others, as a means of healing and finding solace in difficult times.

Mary Stancavage, discusses the concept of letting go of attachments to certain identities or perceptions of oneself. She reflects on her own journey of rediscovering her passion for archaeology without attaching her self-worth to it. Mary advises listeners to dig deep and question the underlying motivations behind their attachments, suggesting that the true source of discomfort often lies beneath the surface.

Dave Smith cautions against viewing attachment as inherently negative. He argues that it is rather the greed and clinging associated with attachment that can lead to suffering. Dave introduces the term "lobha" or greed and explains its role in fueling attachment. He encourages listeners to practice kindness and patience towards themselves and others, emphasizing the importance of cultivating a metta (loving-kindness) practice.

Throughout the episode, the speakers challenge common misconceptions about attachment and offer insights into how we can navigate its complexities. They highlight the role of relationships, self-reflection, and mindfulness in finding balance and fostering well-being. By exploring the nuances of attachment, listeners are encouraged to develop a greater understanding of themselves and their connections to others.

In today's episode, we will be contemplating the rules and our responses to them, drawing examples from both professional and spiritual realms.

In her professional life, Margaret teaches project management, guiding individuals in planning and implementing various initiatives. In an introductory course, participants often question the necessity of following all the recommended best practices. Margaret explains that while they are not obligated to do so, it is important to be aware of these tools and practices, as you cannot utilize what you do not know exists. By ignoring these tools, you may miss out on valuable insights and potential positive outcomes.

Moving on to more advanced discussions, Margaret emphasize the importance of understanding rules before choosing to disregard them. In certain professional settings, there are individuals who can go against organizational culture or policies without facing negative repercussions. These individuals possess a deep understanding of what they are doing and why, exhibiting wisdom in their actions. It is not about rebellious rule-breaking, but rather the discernment gained through experience and knowledge.

Now, let us shift our focus to our spiritual practice. Reflecting on our previous episode, where we explored the Noble Eightfold Path, we realize that our Buddhist practice has its own set of rules. However, it is crucial to remember that these rules are not meant for cherry-picking.

You may have come across the Kalama sutta, which some individuals use as an opportunity to dismiss Buddhist teachings. This sutta encourages us to question and validate our beliefs through personal experience and wisdom. It highlights the need to be mindful of our intentions and the potential harm that may arise from unskillful qualities.

Traditions should not be followed blindly solely because they are traditions, and reports cannot be trusted solely based on the reliability of their sources. Our own preferences should not guide us unless they are thoroughly tested and proven beneficial. It is essential to practice appropriate attention and seek guidance from wise individuals, which we refer to as having admirable friends.

In our own journeys of self-discovery, we can benefit from incorporating these ideas into our own practice and rules. Before making decisions, we should inquire about our intentions, consider the likely outcomes, and seek the counsel of those we trust and admire. By doing so, we can cultivate wisdom and make choices that align with our spiritual path.

Congratulations, after much work, you have reached the mountain top and are wise. Now, all you need to do is sit back, and relax. Enjoy the rest of your time in this life and revel in your wisdom.

You know better! Wisdom is challenging to obtain, and requires work to maintain. In our last episode, we gained a shamanic perspective on the four challenges we face as we seek wisdom.

Today, we will consider those challenges, and consider some Buddhist teachings on wisdom. Specifically on the Noble Eightfold Path and how sila, samadhi, and prajna support us and sustain us on the path.

In this episode, Margaret reconnects with Mike Sanders, a shaman who shares his journey and experiences with Native American Indian practices. They discuss how different paths can lead to the same goal of finding peace and less suffering in life. Mike talks about his upbringing and how his Native American heritage influenced his decision to explore shamanism. He shares how he stumbled upon a book on shamanism that resonated with him and led him to practice Native American traditions.

Mike also discusses the challenges he faced in being accepted by the Native American community due to his appearance. He eventually embarked on a journey of self-discovery and training in shamanic practices, which gave him the confidence to develop his own ceremonies and practices that resonate with him.

The conversation then shifts to the topic of attachment and non-attachment. Margaret and Mike discuss their own experiences with attachment to beliefs and practices when starting their spiritual journeys. They talk about the importance of questioning and validating one's beliefs and staying open to different perspectives.

Mike shares a story about the four challenges of wisdom, which include overcoming fear, validating clarity, using power wisely, and accepting one's own mortality. He emphasizes that these challenges must be faced every day and that true wisdom requires constant work and self-reflection.

The episode concludes with a discussion on the concept of the dream in shamanism. Mike explains that the Toltecs believed that we dream when we sleep and when we awaken, we continue to dream. He introduces the agreements from the book "The Four Agreements" and how they relate to the concept of the dream, emphasizing the importance of not being affected by others' opinions and actions, avoiding assumptions, clear communication, and always doing one's best.

Overall, this episode provides insights into shamanic practices, the challenges of spiritual growth, and the concept of the dream in Native American traditions. Mike's personal journey serves as an inspiration for listeners to explore their own paths to finding peace and less suffering in their lives.

Check out a TedX talk with Mike here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=094bnth7EzY

And his book Brain Flip here: https://www.amazon.com/Brain-Flip-Challenge-Michael-Sanders/dp/B09Q8YMC3H

In this introspective episode, Margaret delves into the concept of rebirth and its impact on our lives. Initially, rebirth was just a distant belief for her, something she didn't ponder upon often. However, as she immersed herself in the teachings of Buddhism, rebirth started to become something more tangible, something she contemplated deeply.

Through her interactions with various Buddhist groups and teachers, Margaret was exposed to intriguing ideas surrounding rebirth. The notion that we have all been in each other's lives across multiple lifetimes, or that unresolved issues with certain individuals persist from one lifetime to another, sparked her curiosity. She even shared a playful exchange with a classmate, joking that he had killed her in a past life, until the weight of its potential truth burdened him. They eventually moved on, but the notion of rebirth lingered in her mind.

As she faced the possibility of never seeing certain individuals again, whether due to death or them moving away, she turned to the idea of rebirth as a source of solace. It became a defense mechanism, a way to cope with the attachment she had developed towards these people. The thought that they would meet again in another life eased the sadness within her. However, upon introspection, she realized that this reliance on rebirth was not a reflection of secure attachment. It was merely a tool she used to arrive at a place of secure attachment, as she navigated the complexities of human connections and emotions.

Through exploring the lens of connection styles and psychology, Margaret came to understand that clinging to the idea of rebirth to cope with separation does not align with the teachings of Buddhism. In a profound conversation with her teacher, she posed the question of whether it's better to mourn birth and celebrate death, as we shouldn't desire for someone to return. His response challenged her perspective, highlighting the uncertainty surrounding the rebirth of individuals and emphasizing that our ultimate wish should be for liberation from suffering, for an end to the cycle of rebirth.

With this newfound wisdom, she realized that she should not use the concept of rebirth as a crutch to ease the pain of someone leaving my life. Instead, she should learn to let go with grace and appreciation for the time shared. Rather than relying on the belief that we will meet again in a future life, she aspires to cherish the present moment and wish them well on their journey, whether it be a favorable rebirth or, even better, liberation from rebirth altogether.

Join Margaret on this introspective exploration as she navigates the complexities of attachment and the teachings of Buddhism, and discovers a deeper understanding of how rebirth intertwines with our human connections.

When it comes to relationships, those with a secure attachment style thrive on honesty, tolerance, and emotional closeness. They possess a beautiful balance of independence and connection, not fearing solitude yet still able to form strong bonds. However, it's important to note that people with other attachment styles can also find happiness in their relationships. It all boils down to understanding ourselves and how we connect with others.

To distinguish this concept from Buddhist attachment, we can view this bond or attachment style as a form of connection. As humans, we naturally seek connection with others. Buddhism does not advocate for the absence of connection, but rather the awareness of unskillful attachment. If you find yourself concerned about how you connect with others, mindfulness can be a powerful tool. By observing and understanding your own experiences and triggers in relationships, you can consistently cultivate a secure attachment style.

It's important to remember that your way of connecting is not fixed; it can change from moment to moment or based on different relationships and perceptions. Impermanence is a key aspect of this process. One way to approach this is through meditation and contemplation, which can help you identify and alleviate behaviors that lead to suffering. Your attachment style or way of connection can indeed contribute to suffering. By practicing mindfulness off the cushion, you can navigate your relationships with greater self-awareness and adaptability.

While the suttas do not explicitly discuss attachment styles, we can glean insights from stories such as that of King Suddodhana, the Buddha's father. In an attempt to prevent his son from becoming a spiritual leader, Suddodhana kept Siddartha sheltered from the world. However, his controlling and unhealthy attachment ultimately led Siddartha to run away and embark on his spiritual journey. Suddodhana's actions reflect a lack of secure attachment.

Through self-reflection, mindfulness, and understanding, we can cultivate more fulfilling and harmonious connections in our lives.

In this thought-provoking podcast episode, host Margaret Meloni interviews Bill Belanger, a contemplative psychotherapist and practicing Buddhist, as they delve into the concepts of suffering, attachment, and emptiness in Buddhism. Bill shares his background as a psychotherapist and his experiences living and practicing Buddhism in Asia, shedding light on the integration of meditation and therapeutic practices into the lives of entrepreneurs to improve their businesses.Bill's website is https://www.integratedmindtraining.com/

The conversation revolves around the Four Noble Truths and their relevance to the human condition. Bill explains how the First Noble Truth, Dukkha, can be understood as reactivity, and the Second Noble Truth as the origin of suffering through craving, attachment, and the Three Poisons. He further emphasizes the cure for suffering and the prescription for finding awakening, which is embodied in the Eightfold Path.

Margaret and Bill also explore the Western approaches to suffering and how consumerism and rigid ideology fail to address the core issues of reactivity and attachment. They highlight the comprehensive analysis of suffering provided by Buddhism and its coherent and elegant solution that often eludes other approaches.

Overall, this insightful episode offers practical guidance for incorporating mindfulness and therapeutic practices into daily life, while delving into the profound concepts of suffering, attachment, and emptiness in Buddhism. The hosts provide valuable insights and draw connections between attachment theory in Western psychotherapy and Buddhist teachings, underscoring the potential for healing and growth through self-reflection and mindful connection.

Welcome back to the Death Dhamma podcast. Today's episode is a reflective one, and we hope you will find it useful on your own personal journey.

In our previous episode, titled "The Kosala Sutta AN 5.49," we explored the various methods and approaches to funerals for Buddhists. We questioned the purpose of these rituals for someone who has already departed, realizing that they often serve as a means to support the grieving process of the living. While these rituals may not directly benefit the deceased, they can provide solace and aid the grief journey of those left behind.

This contemplation led me to reflect on the contrasting ways in which we handled the deaths of my mother and my husband. My mother had left behind detailed instructions for every aspect of her funeral, sparing me from any uncertainties or doubts. This approach felt right and was met with no complaints. On the other hand, my husband had instructed a simple cremation and scattering of his ashes at sea, without any formal service. He believed that it was not his responsibility as a lifeless body to comfort others and understood the strain it would put on me. I respected his wishes and followed through with them.

Of course, not everyone was content with this decision. Some individuals expressed their disapproval, hoping for a more traditional funeral. However, I stood firm in honoring my husband's wishes, which led me to ponder our tendency to make grief about ourselves. Grief, in essence, serves as a wake-up call, awakening our consciousness to the reality of transition and change. It is through grief that we not only acknowledge the departure of our loved ones but also recognize the transformation within ourselves.

Returning to the topic of funerals, we must acknowledge that these rituals serve as milestones in our grief journey and aid the departed in their transition to a more positive rebirth. Whether it be acknowledging a 49-day bardo or conducting chanting ceremonies at specific intervals, these rituals hold significance. However, the question arises when conflicts in wishes occur. Who makes the call? Did my decision to forgo a funeral for my husband deny someone the opportunity to move forward? In hindsight, I discovered that a close friend who couldn't accept the absence of a service for my husband held his own private ceremony. Initially, I felt annoyed, but now I view it differently.

He did what he needed to do to address his own grief, and I respect that. Ultimately, each individual is responsible for their own journey and progress. It may seem selfish at first glance, but it isn't. By making choices that strengthen ourselves, we become better equipped to help others. After all, you cannot give what you do not have.

In this episode, we explore the different death and mourning rituals of Theravada, Mahayana, and Tibetan Buddhists. These rituals vary in location, customs, and beliefs, but they all serve as a reminder of impermanence and the shared experience of grief. 

For those who share the beliefs discussed, these rituals hold significance in assisting the deceased's transfer to rebirth and increasing positive karma. However, some may question the necessity of performing these rituals for someone who is gone. It's essential to remember that these rituals can also ease the grief journey of those left behind. 

The Buddha's teaching on impermanence serves as a reminder that death is a natural part of life and that we will all experience it. The sequenced activities in these rituals help lead individuals, families, and communities through their grief and acknowledge the process. 

Ultimately, whether you choose to partake in these rituals or not, the question remains, "What important work am I doing now?" It's crucial to focus on the present and continue to live a meaningful life while acknowledging the impermanence of it all.

On this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, Margaret interviews grief expert Tracee Dunblazer to explore how grief can be a spiritual process. Tracee is the author of Transformative Grief: an Ancient Ritual for Modern Times and has extensive experience in working with grief and karmic relationships.

Tracee explains that grief is a daily process that we experience for various reasons, not just due to death or loss. She believes that grief is an awakening in our mental, emotional, and physical world and that we no longer need to view it as something harmful. However, society has developed an aversion to grief and has attempted to suppress or repress it over time.

The conversation dives into cultural attitudes towards grief and why they have developed this aversion. Margaret and Tracee also discuss how spirituality is evolving as more people are turning away from traditional religions and seeking a more personal and individualized relationship with spirituality.

Tracee's work is accessible to everyone, regardless of their religious beliefs. She aims to expand people's understanding of spiritual truths that exist beyond their beliefs. This episode offers a fresh perspective on grief and spirituality and is sure to stimulate listeners' minds.

Welcome to this thought-provoking and insightful episode of the Death Dhamma podcast. In this episode, Margaret takes us on a journey to explore the theme of life review.  Drawing inspiration from three different stories, Heaven Can Wait, Defending Your Life, and The Good Place, she delves into the idea of redemption and the human fascination with what happens after we depart from this world.

While most of us may not have near-death experiences, Margaret suggests that we can use our Buddhist practice to create good deeds and positive karma, and avoid creating suffering for ourselves and others. Through a daily practice of reviewing our day, and reflecting on our thoughts, emotions, and interactions with others, we can remedy any situation that doesn't feel good. The purpose of this practice is to treat ourselves with compassion and forgiveness, not to berate ourselves.

She suggests that by doing these good deeds and reviewing our day, we can create a good death and a good rebirth, and ultimately, freedom from suffering. So, we must make a conscious effort to do good deeds and analyze our day to create a positive cycle for ourselves. 

In this episode, we delve into the significance of meditation practices that are specifically designed to aid us in preparing for the inevitable event of death. By partaking in these practices, we can gain valuable insight into the process of dying and death itself, ultimately enabling us to face this transformation with a sense of inner calm and peace. Moreover, not only does this preparation benefit our own journey toward the end, but it also equips us with the tools to support others in their own experience of death.

We explore the notion that our own moment of death holds great importance on our spiritual path and overall progress. Through our karma and state of mind at the time of death, we shape our subsequent rebirth. By approaching death through the lens of meditation, we become intimately acquainted with the process, gaining a deeper understanding of what to expect. This knowledge empowers us to transform our own death into an opportunity for spiritual growth and attainment.

Furthermore, we discuss the possibility of practicing meditation as we approach the end of our lives. By doing so, we can actively engage in the spiritual journey during this pivotal moment, strengthening our karma and potentially influencing a positive rebirth. A key purpose of meditating on death and dying is to transcend attachment to the physical body and the belief in an eternal and unchanging self. Through this practice, we can cultivate a profound acceptance of impermanence and embrace the transient nature of life. Join us as we explore the transformative power of meditation in the face of death, and learn how it can shape our spiritual path and outlook on life.

Special guest Eric Bennett, host of the Round Trip Death Podcast, shares how his interest in near-death experiences led him to start his podcast. Rather than sensationalizing these stories, Eric gives people a safe space to discuss what happened, providing listeners with insight into the sacredness of these experiences and the difficulty of putting them into words.

In his time on the Death Dhamma podcast, Eric ties together the common themes that he has noted in his many discussions. 

"What happens after we die?" "Is there more than this life?" These are some of our biggest questions. And while each story is unique, the resounding message is one of love and peace. There is no need to face death with aversion, or to attach to a fear of death.

Eric also helps organizations with their branded podcasts, and you can reach him through the barefoot group.

How do I know if I am being greedy? How do any of us know? Would you call yourself a greedy person? Probably not. But my friends, there might be times when we get caught up in the kind of greed that leads to unskillful attachment. How do we know? What do we do?

A discussion on greed and how it can lead to unskillful attachment and suffering. Instead of avoiding enjoyment or appreciation of external objects or experiences, one should approach them with a sense of equanimity and mindfulness, recognizing that they are impermanent and cannot provide lasting happiness. The antidote to greed is generosity, and giving away something that you are attached to can lead to true contentment and make the recipient happy.

Examples of where you might have greed in your life, include wanting more time with loved ones who have passed away or not wanting a fun outing with friends to end. Awareness and reflection on the concept of impermanence will help you develop a sense of detachment and reduce feelings of greed.

 Mindfulness of breathing and the Metta Bhavana meditation can cultivate loving kindness and a deeper sense of connection with oneself and others. The steps for practicing the Metta Bhavana meditation are outlined, starting with focusing on oneself and gradually extending loving kindness to a loved one, a neutral person, a difficult person, and finally all beings.

 By developing loving kindness toward yourself and others, you can more objectively identify where you might be experiencing unskillful attachment and feel more connected to others.

In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, the theme of attachment is explored in the context of how it brings us suffering. The episode begins by discussing the concept of craving and how it leads to clinging, which is the root of suffering. The three fires or poisons of greed, hatred, and confusion are discussed as the sources of our need for clinging and aversion. The teachings emphasize the importance of extinguishing these fires and avoiding these poisons to achieve liberation.

The episode also delves into the idea of unskillful desire or attachment, and how it can manifest in different ways, such as hoarding, lying, cheating, or stealing. The teachings do not suggest that we should never want something, but rather that it is important to be mindful of how we crave or cling to things. The way to overcome greed, according to the teachings, is through generosity.

The episode includes passages from the Dhammapada and the Samyuutta Nikaya, highlighting the importance of conquering anger, badness, stinginess, and lying with lack of anger, good, a gift, and truth respectively. Generosity is emphasized as one of the ten perfections or qualities to be developed on the path to reaching enlightenment not for personal gain.

Overall, this episode offers insightful teachings on attachment and ways to overcome unskillful desire and attachment. Through mindfulness and generosity, we can achieve liberation and live a more peaceful and fulfilling life.

Margaret Meloni has a  conversation with Dave Smith of Dave Smith Dharma (davesmithdharma.com) about the common misunderstanding that attachment is the same as non-attachment or detachment when it is actually closer to the Pali word "loba", which translates to "greed". Dave explains how greed is unethical and unskillful and can lead to sacrificing one's own values and morals to acquire something, leading to suffering. 

 The conversation also touches on the "three fires" of greed, hatred, and confusion, which the Buddha discussed and which do not lead to contentment. Dave explains that Upadana, which means to cling and grasp, also means to fuel, and that one must stop putting fuel on the fires of greed, hatred, and confusion in order to be liberated. The speakers explore ways to counteract greed, such as practicing generosity

Dave wisely encourages listeners to question the teachings and language they hear and to trust that if something doesn't feel right, there may be another way. 

Dharma practice is something that is available to everyone, regardless of comfort level or age, and can be cultivated in everyday life.

Margaret reflects on the fear of death and the challenges that may arise during the dying process. She shares her personal experience of losing loved ones and the resilience gained from Buddha's teachings and her Buddhist practice. Once again we are reminded of  the concept of letting go and accepting death as a gift, emphasizing the importance of preparing for death at both the spiritual and mundane level.

Margaret contemplates her own fears around dying, including concerns for the well-being of her loved ones and unfinished tasks. She decides that meditating on potential key issues will help her identify other underlying fears and areas where she has resistance to letting go. The episode ends with a message of hope, reminding listeners that even after losing loved ones, it is possible to recreate your life and find new relationships and connections.

Overall, this episode provides a thoughtful and reflective take on the fear of death and the process of preparing for it. Margaret offers a relatable perspective, and her message of resilience and hope serves as a comforting reminder for those grappling with loss and mortality.

In this episode, Margaret delves into the concept of leaving things unfinished. We all do it, whether it's a to-do list or a long-term goal that we never quite achieved. But what about the ultimate unfinished task: death? We can find peace in the face of our own mortality by letting go of our attachments and being ready to leave at any time.

Margaret shares a touching story of a family friend who found closure before passing away. His wife realized he was having a hard time letting go of life, so she arranged for his missing siblings to say their goodbyes over the phone. Miraculously, they all got through on the first try, and he passed away peacefully just a few minutes later.

When possible, provide a peaceful environment for your loved ones who are dying, by supporting them on their journey and allowing them the freedom to let go. And live well, by following the Noble Eightfold path and being aware of what you are carrying around. By resolving your own issues, you can find peace and let go of your attachments, leaving you with less clinging, resistance, and aversion when it's time to pass on.

In this episode, Margaret interviews Olivia Bareham, founder of Sacred Crossings in Southern California, who helps individuals through the dying journey. Olivia has been supporting people through the dying journey for the last 20 years and for the last 15, she has been teaching conscious dying and death doula and death midwifery work. Olivia created Sacred Crossings Funeral Home (Sacredcrossings.com), which offers alternative funeral services such as home funerals, green burials, and full-body deep-sea burials, with the aim of helping people to care for their loved ones after death so that their own experience of death is more gentle and easier to accept.

Olivia shares her personal experience of caring for her mother after she took her last breath and how it transformed her profoundly. She believes that when we hold death in our arms, it informs our brain in a way that no other deed can do. Olivia feels that we should all have the opportunity to be up close to death so that we can be transformed like that. However, there is resistance to being with the dead, which is just a learned behavior and belief. Olivia breaks that facade by showing images and inviting people to have their own personal experience of something that is completely contrary to what they've up until now believed and thought about and imagined.

Olivia teaches a course called "Enter the Grave," which is about literally embracing the grave as a potent place of transformation. It's not unlike the womb; the tomb, the grave is a fertile ground for growth, creativity, and change. In the course, Olivia helps individuals examine all that they are afraid of, all that they are clinging to, anything that is preventing them from fully allowing themselves to be in the grave of their life as they're living it. Olivia believes that even if somebody doesn't have an intention of being with the dying, it's still a valuable training and philosophy to consider.

Finally, Olivia discusses the most common challenges, issues, and things that people cling to on their way to getting this comfort level. She believes that clinging is everywhere, and we just don't notice it. We can cling to ideas and beliefs, an identity, opinions, and sensual pleasures. When we notice that we're attached to them, they have control over us, and we're not really free to just be in a place of constant surrender and acceptance and receiving. Olivia believes that "Enter the Grave" is an opportunity to look with a microscope at our beliefs, opinions, and ideas, and to relax our grip on them, be open to other beliefs, and be in a constant state of flow and change.

Contact Olive at oliva@sacredcrossings.com.

In this episode of the podcast, Margaret reflects on the concept of hope and clinging in situations where someone is sick, injured, or dying. She shares a personal anecdote of a friend's children contracting chicken pox and the introduction of a vaccine as an example of hope versus realism. Margaret then raises questions about the line between hope and clinging in scenarios where someone strives for healing beyond what is expected or accepted.

Margaret also shares a personal experience of her father's terminal lung cancer and the acceptance and preparation for his eventual passing. She reflects on the difference between acceptance and fatalism and the importance of not judging others' situations or reactions.

Margaret remembers an expression used by  Cayce Howe, who provided guidance and support while her husband was in hospice. "The living are dying and the dying are living," is discussed as a way to focus on the present moment and let go of attachment to desired outcomes. Margaret reminds us that it is not wrong to hope or accept expected outcomes, but clinging to desired outcomes can lead to suffering.

While some may believe that Buddhism is devoid of planning, it is a path toward a specific goal: the end of suffering. The Buddha actively decided to teach the cessation of suffering and shared a whole system of the Four Noble Truths and the Noble Eightfold Path. However, he was not attached to the outcome of his teachings. He taught because some would understand and not convert a certain number of people.

 As practitioners, we also follow a path and seek to become free from suffering. We may plan for our spiritual growth through studying and meditating, but we must also be mindful of our attachment to expectations and outcomes. Non-attachment does not mean apathy but rather accepting the present moment without holding onto expectations of what should happen during meditation or in life.

 We can use the concept of clinging strategically, changing our diet of thoughts and developing inner qualities to make us stronger to face life's challenges. We should strive to follow the path intentionally, with the intention behind our plans being skillful and pure. Ultimately, it comes down to what should be done today, planting seeds without expectations but still taking action toward our goals.

In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, host Margaret Meloni, interviews Cayce Howe, a Dharma teacher and co-founder of Sustainable Caring. They discuss the topic of attachment, which is a key component of Buddhism and can lead to suffering if not managed properly. Cayce explains that the energy of compassion is endless, but when we become attached to a specific outcome, we may experience what is commonly known as compassion fatigue. However, Cayce argues that this fatigue is not caused by an exhaustion of compassion but rather by an attachment to a particular result.

Cayce also discusses the importance of wisdom in managing attachment, particularly the wisdom of impermanence and interdependence. He emphasizes the need to focus on our efforts toward kindness and compassion without becoming attached to specific outcomes or results. This can lead to greater resilience in caring for ourselves and others.

Margaret brings up the issue of systemic factors that can contribute to fatigue and exhaustion, particularly in the healthcare industry. Cayce acknowledges these challenges and emphasizes that while it is important to work towards changing these external factors, we can still work on managing our internal attachment and cultivating compassion in our daily lives.

Overall, this episode offers valuable insights into the Buddhist concept of attachment and how it relates to our experiences of compassion and fatigue. It also highlights the importance of mindfulness and wisdom in managing attachment and finding resilience in challenging circumstances.

In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, Margaret Meloni explores the concept of attachment, clinging, and aversion. She asks listeners to consider how they define themselves and whether they will let go of certain constructed versions of themselves. She shares two personal experiences of letting go of past versions of herself, including one where she clung to her identity as a computer programmer when teaching project management. She was reminded by a student that what mattered was whether she was the right person to teach the subject matter, not her past credentials.

Margaret also shares her experience of letting go of her identity as a wife and caregiver after her husband passed away. She reflects on how difficult it was to redefine herself without the context of her relationship with her husband. She notes that it takes time to rediscover oneself and to reflect on values, interests, and goals without the influence of someone who has passed away.

Throughout the episode, Margaret emphasizes the impermanence of self and the importance of letting go of attachments to prevent suffering and dissatisfaction. She encourages listeners to reflect on what they are hanging onto and to let go of constructed selves that no longer serve them. The episode provides a thought-provoking reflection on attachment and the journey of self-discovery.

You can find lots of discussions in terms of self-versus no self and what the Buddha really taught and what the Buddha really meant.  I am staying away from going into an in-depth discussion of these various interpretations.

To share context, I speak to you as a Theravada Buddhist. And I draw on the teachings from the Pali Canon. I come from a place of working with teachings of these things are not self.

As in the answer to this question:

“And is it proper to regard what is inconstant, stressful, subject to change as: ‘This is mine. This is me. This is what I am?”

 The answer is no, it is not proper to view that which is inconstant, stressful, and subject to change as self.

If you and I look at what makes us uncomfortable, that discomfort will show us where attachment lives. It could be things or ideas. Today with the help of Mary Stancavage we look at the should of self. As in I should be like this or that. Or if I am this way or that way, then people will like me.

We cling to ideas of self, we cling to relationships because they are our identity. Because we are afraid of the alternative. Who am I if I am not this carefully constructed self that I have created and that I present to the world?

And that can be really uncomfortable. And that means it is time to drop below this story, like dropping below the idea of being cool or different or fitting in, whatever it is that your self-image is doing for you. 

Ask yourself, "What is fueling that?"

Somewhere beneath it all is the reason we are hanging on to this idea of who we are.

I looked around the room, and there I saw him. Someone I had once worked with, a person who I felt had been purposefully difficult and disrespectful. I found myself thinking, “Ugh, why is he here?” And my immediate thoughts were not friendly or positive. Now, I understand, this was me experiencing aversion.

Specifically, because aversion involves pushing something away. And that act of pushing something away is not really gently setting something aside. It is more aggressive.

Fair enough, I know that my first thoughts at seeing this former colleague fell into the category of pushing something away aggressively – I really wished he was not at this same event with me.

 And with those thoughts came other forms of anger – because I recalled why I was not happy to see that person, and why I thought that he had been purposefully difficult and disrespectful. Clearly, I was hanging on to some hard feelings. 

With attachment, we are only trying to get things that we want. And once we have those things, we don’t want them to go away.

When we experience aversion, we push away (usually aggressively) the things that we dislike. Aversion refers to feelings of aggression, anger, and hatred. Let’s spend more time considering aversion as angry and aggressive.

The Second Noble Truth states that there is an origin of suffering and that the origin of suffering is attachment to the three kinds of desire: desire for a sense pleasure (kama tanha), desire to become (bhava tanha), and desire to get rid of (vibhava tanha). 

 To want to get rid of something.

 You may also have heard the three poisons discussed. Or the three unwholesome roots and these are greed, anger, and delusion. Well, the craving for sense pleasures fits with greed, while aversion is a form of anger. And that maps back to the definition of pushing something away aggressively.

When your own parents do not offer you love and support, how do you come to a place of self-acceptance? If you go to school, bloody from being beaten, isn't reasonable to expect someone/anyone to ask if you are OK? And when they do not, you might just begin to wonder if there is something wrong with you. And aversion towards yourself takes root.

Venerable De Hong knows about trauma. He left Vietnam on a boat. Overcrowded with others escaping a harsh regime, they sat in place for many days – with no food and maybe a tiny amount of water. Then at 18, he found himself in the United States, with $10, responsibility for his younger brother, unable to speak the language, trying to finish high school while working all night to pay for food and rent. Before this, Venerable De withstood tremendous amounts of verbal and physical abuse from his father. In between physical attacks, he was told that he was nothing and that was not worthy of an education, it is no wonder that Venerable De developed an aversion to his own appearance. On the list of ACE or adverse childhood experiences, Venerable De has lived through almost all of them. Spoiler alert, after going through his own suffering, he came through the other side. And now he uses his experiences and his story to help others.

What is the difference between craving and clinging? Craving is wanting. I want something.

Looking back on the past few days, here are some of the things I have craved:

Coffee, chocolate and other specific foods, solitude, time with friends, - yes, I crave both alone time and time with some of my special people, and when that gets out of balance, so do I. That in itself is probably worthy of future exploration. The reality is that this idea of balance that I have created for myself is not always going to be sustainable.

Today, let’s continue with craving and clinging.

 We crave forms - sounds - odors - flavors - tangible objects - mind objects.

Clinging means to hang on to something, to not want something to end. Or to be unwilling to let go of an idea or a practice or a thing.

 Four things we cling to - sensual pleasures, views, rituals and observances, and self, or thoughts of who we are.

And today let's discuss how that recently came together for Margaret Meloni, as she shares a section from her attachment journal.

In our last episode, Dr. Seth Segall reminded us that when it comes to attachment, it is not about never having close human relationships. What are the teachings on attachment?

Today, we look at some of those teachings. And spoiler alert, if your cravings control you, you will experience more suffering. If you control your cravings, you will experience less suffering.

Is it really that simple?

Let's explore some of the suttas on craving. In this way, we will build a foundation for our future discussions and contemplations.

There was once a man who gave away his children in order to prove that he could master letting go. When his wife returned home, she thought his approach made sense. But does it?

What is it we attach to? We attach to sensual pleasures, ideas and views, rites and rituals, and our view of ourselves. Dr. Segall reminds us that for the most part, we are not told that we cannot be attached to people.

It is about the intention behind those attachments. Human beings need other human beings to flourish. Together we discuss how life depends on attachment.

And Seth reminds us all that there is a positive side to impermanence. As things change, on the way to let go, we grieve. (In case you wondered what all of this has to do with Death Dhamma.) In fact, Seth shares his own path to embracing the changes in his life and in his relationship with who he is today.

What good does it do to pay attention to our attachments? To look at our experiences with clinging and aversion? Well, for that matter what good does it do to meditate? To be with that arises and to gain insight? I humbly suggest that our practice is everywhere, on the cushion, in our experiences, and in our journals.

What do I mean when I invite you to journal with me?

I am asking you to join me in an experiment. You can participate as much or as little as you like.

Me? I am all in.  While planning for this season of the Death Dhamma podcast, it occurred to me. Clinging and aversion are all around us. At least as an everyday layperson making my way in this world, it is all around me. 

While learning from the dhamma, and from our wise teachers, why not engage in some active self-reflection? I think that I know some of my areas of attachment. Most likely I share them with many of you.

Pretty standard stuff. And if not handled well, it is going to lead to some suffering. You, see, just because I have gone through the deaths of quite a few of my loved ones, doesn't mean I am free from all attachments.

What is the point of paying attention? Some might say, obsessing, is this paying attention over where and how I experience an obsession or a revelation? I hope it is the latter.

Here it is, our first episode featuring the attachment journal.

Peace? What is peace to us when someone we love is gone? Going all-in with the Death Dhamma means really going to the source.

I invited some of our wise teachers from season 1 to come back to the podcast and share their favorite stories or teachings about clinging and aversion. And one of them replied back to me, "Oh, so you are talking about the 2nd Noble Truth?"

Yes, I am!

The Four Noble Truths. They are the truth of suffering; its cause; its end; and the way to its end. Everything in this world is full of suffering, and the cause of suffering is craving. The end of suffering is nirvana. The way to the end of suffering is via the Noble Eightfold Path. Don't worry we will definitely visit the eightfold path at some point during this season.

Is the truth of suffering front and center in your life?

There is no time like the present to connect with what you crave and what you avoid.

It is almost time for Season 3 of the Death Dhamma podcast! Yes, it is true. The first episode is coming on January 30, 2023. In this short trailer, Margaret Meloni introduces the topic of attachment and why we need to spend time on stories of clinging and aversion and how they expose us to dukkha. 

"Whatever stress, in arising, arose for me in the past, all of it had desire as its root, had desire as its cause — for desire is the cause of stress. And whatever stress, in arising, will arise for me in the future, all of it will have desire as the root, will have desire as its cause — for desire is the cause of stress."

So says Gandhabhaka in SN 42.11. And this is our experience too.

This is why we are going to talk about attachments because when the people we love are ill or absent from us or when they die of course we have sorrow.

And the root of our sorrow is our attachment.  That is not a judgment it's an observation of fact. This is not to say we should never love. We want to be aware that in our relationships with other human beings there could be an element of attachment and the element of attachment contributes of course to our grief.

With season three coming at the end of January we are going to explore stories and examples of attachment. 

     What is Reiki? And what are the true origins of Reiki? Join Margaret Meloni as she speaks with Michaela Daystar in a special season 2 bonus episode of the Death Dhamma Podcast.

     Michaela Daystar of Heartscapes (https://www.heartscapesinsight.com/) provides comprehensive Reiki education in a trauma-informed and respectful way.

She is true to the Japanese origins of Reiki. 

     Michaela serves in this world by supporting individuals who are here to contribute. She is a support system to those who would help the rest of us. 

And Reiki is how she helps others heal from the inside out so that they can take their trauma and their brokenness and use it as fuel to keep following their passion.

She uses her skills to heal them so that they can heal us.

     If you want to get to know Reiki beyond the concept of energy healing. If you wonder what Reiki has to do with Buddhism, this is a great place to start.

Season 2 of the DD podcast is coming to an end. Because - impermanence. You know it will not go on forever. That's against what we have been discussing.

In the spirit of 'rebirth,' the podcast will continue in season 3.

The truth is that all of our experiences with impermanence are opportunities to deepen our practice – everything from the canceled lunch plans to the loss of a job, a hearing loss, or a relationship break up – each provides us with a learning experience – if we are open to that experience.

A common theme from our season 2 teachers was the ability to come to a place of acceptance around the impermanence in their lives. Each of them discussed ways his or her life did not go as anticipated. It might have been a broken engagement, a career derailment, a drastic change in life expectancy, the ability to have children, or the health of the children born to them, but nobody said, “My life has gone 100% as expected.” That’s not the human experience. Things change – always. 

The ability to accept impermanence is what allows us to live peacefully. Sometimes before coming to that place of acceptance, we deal with attachment. We wanted things to be different. And attachment and stories and examples of attachment will be discussed in season 3.

Beginning January 2023, we will consider attachment. 

Until then, you can expect a surprise episode or two and you can always keep in touch by visiting margaretmeloni.com.

When someone you love dies, the most apparent form of attachment is your attachment to your relationship. Now your mother, father, partner, or friend has gone. He or she is not coming down the hall to have breakfast with you. You are not going on vacation together. He or she will not make you dinner, do the dishes, or take out the trash.

We also have attachments to things, roles, emotions, and surroundings.

A few days after my father died, my mother went to his closet and pulled out his clothing. She was distraught and could not stand to look at his things. At the time, I was shocked. On some level, I recognized that she was having an emotional reaction to his death, and seeing his clothing was triggering. A few weeks later, she had a similar episode as she walked down the hallway. She insisted that his computer desk must be removed and moved into the garage immediately. Fortunately, I was able to comply. She disliked seeing the things he used daily because he was no longer here, using those things. And seeing his jacket in the closet or his empty desk was breaking her heart.

There are many lessons for you in what you hang on to and what you push away. These are not simply lessons about our relationship with our loved ones. They are lessons about our relationship with ourselves and with life itself.

“Mindfulness of death, when developed and pursued, is of great fruit and great benefit. It gains a footing in the Deathless, has the Deathless as its final end. Therefore, you should develop mindfulness of death.” - AN 6.19

What does it mean to really be mindful of death? Is it knowing that you will die someday, but probably not today? No! That is NOT good enough. 

What about thinking I might die today? Better, but still not skillful. There is a deep level of honesty and commitment to truly practicing mindfulness of death. And these teachings are meant for all of us.

After all, which one of us is not going to die?

Getting to the point where you can mindfully acknowledge that death can arrive before you finish reading this sentence takes effort. You know it is worth it.

"'The perception of death, when developed and pursued, is of great fruit, of great benefit. It gains a footing in the Deathless, has the Deathless as its final end': Thus, was it said, and in reference to this was it said.” (AN 7.46)

Some days, a deep dive into the suttas is not within reach. Or you might benefit from other ways to become comfortable with death. It can be helpful to spend time understanding your beliefs about death and dying. And to notice the emotions that surface for you when you contemplate death.

Here are nine thoughts about death. You can use them as mantras, as an object for your meditation, or as a way to start thoughtful discussions with family or friends. I invite you to examine this list and to add or subtract it in a way that supports you in your own practice.

If you are open, life and the people around you can be your teacher. Everyone has loss and suffering – whether they have heard of Buddhism or not.

Now, in your Buddhist practice, finding and following a credible teacher will serve you well. We live in a time where we have access to many teachers.

When I was new (and compared to those who have practiced for 40 years or more or even 30 years or more), I am still new; I investigated different teachers and traditions. When I decided to pursue an advanced degree in Buddhist Studies, I knew it would help me learn more and that it would help me find my place in a world with many Buddhist traditions.

Here we are, together, the Death Dhamma community. On our paths, in our Buddhist practices. Listening to others and discerning what wisdom is. With that question in mind, here are some pieces of wisdom that our 12 wise teachers of season 2 have offered.

What are the Buddhist marks of existence, and where does impermanence fit in? Some thoughts on what makes you a Buddhist and why impermanence or anicca, suffering or dukkha, and not-self or anattaa are the foundation for seeing things as they are. And within that foundation, impermanence helps to illuminate the truth of suffering and not-self. 

 In the course of your life, you will experience loss. Sometimes the loss might be minuscule: you went to the store for mint chocolate chip ice cream, and it was sold out. You had to select something else. And at that moment, you experienced the loss of your ability to fulfill your craving for mint chocolate chip ice cream. Other losses feel much more significant: the end of a relationship, your job being eliminated, or your car is totaled in an accident. 

On any given day, you have things that you believe went well, meaning you believe that you got what you wanted, and you have things that did not go according to your plan. This leads us to consider how impermanence can help us face the bigger challenges in life.

The little things that happen to us daily are important pieces of our impermanence practice. Building your acceptance of impermanence daily is critical to decreasing your dukkha and increasing your resilience.

Mary Carol realized that what she was going to do that day was be sick. That was how it was going to be, and actually, all she needed to do was to be with her illness. Her activity for the day was to be sick. And as her fever rose and the pain intensified, she practiced some deep meditative breathing. She worked on simply being with the discomfort, with an awareness that at some point, it would stop.

In this episode of the Death Dhamma podcast, we follow Mary Carol as she grapples with being ill and her assumptions around what impermanence means versus what impermanence REALLY means. Mary Carol might not be too different than the rest of us.

It's season 2 of the Death Dhamma podcast, and we have already spoken with twelve wise teachers! Sound familiar? In season 1, interviews with twelve wise teachers led to the release of the book Sitting with Death: Buddhist Insights to Help You Face Your Fears and Live a Peaceful Life.

Will these interviews lead to another book? It is too soon to tell, but your thoughts about what you would like to learn more about or hear more of are greatly appreciated. You can send them to info@margaretmeloni.com or leave comments where you download this podcast.

For now, your host, Margaret Meloni, is happy to share with you some of her reflections from conversations with our season 2 teachers. She is reminded that impermanence is not easy for any of us, we are all grieving something, and our approaches to handling it all are very similar. You might agree with her observations, or you might have other thoughts!

This is not the end of season 2, it's just an opportunity for reflection and contemplation.

Thank you for being part of the Death Dhamma community.

What is an easy experience of impermanence, and what is a difficult experience? Any experience can be either of those things and actually neither of those things. With equanimity – it just is.  And that is not me telling you that I can always accept uncertainty and change with equanimity. Because I don’t. I practice at different levels on different days or even throughout the course of any day. I suspect that makes me another human being, living and growing in this time and place and in this lifetime.

Generally, I am grateful for the opportunities that my karma brings me. Even the situations that I view as difficult. I recall when I was processing the deaths of two family members within the same week, more than one of my Buddhist friends told me how great this was for my practice.

Conceptually I knew they were right, but it took lots of time and contemplation to know it at a deeper level.  When they said it to me, I accepted it as a fact, a documented best practice, if you will.

The learning came from time and concentration and living with it. Watching myself being human and feeling the emotions. I had to have the experience. To live firsthand through attachment and aversion.

And it was and still is experiential that draws on compassion and also can lead us to become more compassionate toward others.

I had to extend compassion to myself. And later, as helping others became part of my path, I learned that my experience would help me be compassionate toward others if and only if I accepted that my experience was only representative of how things worked for me on my path.

In the face of impermanence, let’s not forget compassion. Because it really is the balm. (And also the bomb!)

You cannot remind yourself of anicca or impermanence too many times. If you go throughout your day repeating anicca over and over again, that would only be a good thing.

And meditation and mindfulness of impermanence are both important. To really KNOW is to know suffering. And no self. Wendy explains that impermanence, suffering, and no self are really the three rings of the existence that we swim in. Or the existence that we can be stuck in.

In our time together, Wendy generously explains why there must be an experiential element to our Buddhist practice. She gently teases us, reminding us that even the awareness of impermanence is impermanent. And she reminds us of the necessity of compassion.

If we are here, we are on a healing journey. We might not know our journey yet.

While explaining this and so much more, Wendy tells her own story – of being in teacher training and receiving a phone call that took her from the conceptual to the experiential.

Join me in extending a deep bow to Wendy for sharing with us on the Death Dhamma podcast.

     Jim Ringel describes his book 49 Buddhas: Lama Rinzen in the Hell Realm as a crime mystery wrapped inside a Buddhist mystery. I also see it as how one Buddhist (Jim), expresses his appreciation and understanding of his Buddhist tradition through the creative expression of his writing.

     A lesson in Tibetan Buddhism wrapped inside a compelling story. And in that story, we see how challenging it is to be a human. Even if this is the optimal rebirth, and even if you are a Tibetan Lama, none of this is easy.  In my time with Jim, and in my time with his character Lama Rinzen, many thoughts have surfaced. What to focus on? I have done my best to share with you what resonates with me, and why.

Connect with Jim at one or all of these sites:

www.jimringel.com

www.facebook.com/jimringelwrites

www.twitter.com/jimringelwrites

www.linkedin.com/in/jim-ringel-7364822

     Imagine finding yourself in a strange building, in a strange land, with strangers who know you – yet you do not know them. This is one of the many challenges faced by Lama Rinzen, the protagonist of Jim Ringel’s book, 49 Buddhas: Lama Rinzen in the Hell Realm.

     Being thrown into a new life is an excellent way to make friends with impermanence. Although he is still a Tibetan Buddhist Lama, and still on a quest to bring enlightenment to all beings, Lama Rinzen must come to understand the people and the culture around him and uncover the lessons that the hell realm holds for him.

     Discussing the character development of Lama Rinzen with Jim Ringel was an interesting and rewarding way to learn about his Tibetan Buddhist practice and his beliefs around reincarnation, life, death, and impermanence.

     If you would like a new way to learn about Tibetan Buddhism, the ego and the perception of others, versus our own perceptions, and of course, impermanence, consider reading 49 Buddhas: Lama Rinzen in the Hell Realm. It’s a crime story that is full of Buddhist teachings.

Join us as we discuss:

Connect with Jim at one or all of these sites:

www.jimringel.com

www.facebook.com/jimringelwrites

www.twitter.com/jimringelwrites

www.linkedin.com/in/jim-ringel-7364822

**** Please be advised, in this episode I refer to a story that Ken told that involves discussing an individual being arrested, and how a family member was attacked while this person was in jail. Please be aware and proceed in a way that best supports your emotional and mental health. Thank you. ****

Toward the start of our discussion, Ken says to me:

“I like to say that I'm at home in anyone's church however I think that there are great lessons to be learned from the teachings of Buddhism…”

What a nice way to respect the traditions of others while acknowledging what best supports him on his path.

Coming from a background of trauma, divorce and difficult experiences from serving in the military and as a police officer, Ken reconciles martial arts with Buddhist philosophy. In fact, he offers help to others through his work at Everyday Samurai – www.everydaysamurai.life.

He has his own traumas that he reflects on. And he thinks deeply about how his karma has intersected with others.

It is important for all of us to find a way to process trauma, and Ken has found his path in the teachings of Shinzen Young. Specifically, a framework called Unified Mindfulness.

Connect with Ken here: https://www.everydaysamurai.life/

For more on the teachings of Shinzin Young please visit: https://www.shinzen.org/about/

**** Please be advised, in this episode Ken and I discuss some potentially triggering topics. During our time together we touch on the topics of assault, rape, bomb detonation, and death by electrocution. We do so respectfully. Please be aware and proceed in a way that best supports your emotional and mental health. Thank you. ****

One day you are enjoying breakfast at your local diner. You feel like you have a friendship with your waitress. Most days she is the one who takes your order and brings you your food. The next day she is in an accident, and you are on the scene as she takes her last breath.

While doing your duty, you arrest someone who cannot afford bail. While he is in jail his partner is attacked. You know you did your job, yet you wonder about the karma of this situation.

Months later you see the person you arrested die in a particularly grisly accident. You can’t help but wonder why you are part of his experience.

Ken Yamarashi lives with these memories and more. He understands the importance of finding a way to process the shock that comes when karma and violent impermanence meet.

His experiences are not uncommon for someone who has served in the military and on the police force. And he knows that too many of his fellow veterans have ended their lives, rather than continue with the suffering.

In most of these traumatic experiences, it is impossible to talk to the other parties who were involved. What Ken teaches us during this episode is that the only place he can do the work is within his own mind.

These things have happened. This is a historical fact. The only thing that can change is the way he perceives now. You have to have a technique of letting go and the ability to tap into equanimity. Let Ken share the practice(s) that have been the most helpful to him on his journey.

Connect with Ken here: https://www.everydaysamurai.life/

For more on the teachings of Shinzin Young please visit: https://www.shinzen.org/about/

Impermanence reminded Sophie Jacobs of the importance of her intuition, and that one central question. What matters most? And this also led her to wonder how to best be in alignment with her true self.

She seems to come from a place of really meeting impermanence and leveraging it to help herself really consider what is most important? And how can she work to be in alignment with what is most important?

Sophie's experience teaches us that

 - Sometimes impermanence is a gift. This was true when she was interviewing for a job and did not get that job. But what she did get was the opportunity to live with Buddhist nuns in a monastery, and really deepen her practice.

-Insight practice can be more valuable than your college education. 

Speaking with Sophie was a terrific reminder that each day we have the opportunity let impermanence be our teacher.

Handle what comes with equanimity and answer the central question, "What really matters?"

Impermanence, bring it on! Within two years, Sophie Jacobs handled almost ALL of the big life changes.

MOST of us do not have our homes burned to the ground in a fire, and MOST of us do not become monastics.

All of this took place during the COVID pandemic. Nothing went as planned.

Each of these changes led Sophie back to the same question, “What really matters?,” and “What do I know to be true in my heart?”

And as she searched for a new job, she also found herself searching for a monastery to live in. And it occurred to her, that this was the time, to take a break away from the ‘hustle culture,’ if not now, then when? She describes it like this, “…everything is kind of falling apart in your life and is creating this huge open space for you and so if not now when…there's always going to be the next thing that's preventing you from doing an experience like this.”

And so she did go to live with some Theravāda Buddhist nuns.

Listen in as Sophie shares with us about:

You will definitely want to keep in touch with her. I look forward to her upcoming book, currently titled Elemental Knowing.

Connect with Sophie:

Thoughts on our current situation in the human realm. It is rare to be born a human. And it is our birthright to be spiritual beings and to move toward enlightenment.

You may find yourself, looking around and wondering if you are viewing Devas in human form. Beings living a life of pure pleasure, in as much as they control it. 

And you will find yourself somewhere on the path of initiation. And on the path, some teachings and teachers will distract you. But you might need to experience them in order to find those that will support you.

This is the third and final part of my discussion with Mahesi Caplan.

After we had been speaking for a little while, Mahesi Caplan said:

"This might be an outrageous thing to say, but over the past few decades, I have been having this thought that there is no death."

He went on to say, "Of course, the body dies."

And then he discussed this whole concept of we don't die so much as we return home.

Listen in, and give it some thought. Sit with it, and see what resonates for you.