Securing Sexuality

It's been at least a month since Wolf and Stef have ruined online dating for someone, right? Well, guess who's back, friends! From Stef's love of forensic procedurals to Wolf's fascination with oracle trilateration, we're here to explain and explore a whole new kind of vulnerability in some of the biggest dating apps in the business. Whether you are online to meet someone for the next thirty years or the next thirty minutes, you're going to want to hear this.

Show Notes

You know that feeling when you meet someone new, and everything seems to click, and you're super excited to hear from them until, one day... you don't? Yeah. You got ghosted. If you've ever been left thinking WTF after a promising paramour pulls a vanishing act, this episode is for you! This week, Stef and Wolf are joined by Peter Jonason, a social/personality psychologist who uses evolutionary theory to (mostly) explain personality, mating strategies, and sęxuality. He's here to explain why ghosting happens and what lessons we can learn about dating by looking at how other creatures approach courtship.

Show Notes

What do the Gremlins, Feminist Theory, and Stefani's 3rd grade Odyssey of the Mind team have in common? They all got us thinking about adaptive technologies and how we can promote pleasure and intimacy across the lifespan. In this week's free-ranging conversation, Stef and Wolf talk about aging, living and loving with disabilities, and Stef's favorite buzzy (and not so buzzy) toys for all bodies.

Show Notes

This week Wolf and Stef are joined by the amazing Mona Terry, Chief Victims Officer for the Identity Theft Resource Center. In an age where it seems like our data is stolen by someone new every day, she's here to help us understand the scope of the problem, the systems that can protect us, and what to do if (when) it happens to you.

Show Notes

Wolf and Stef just got back from New Orleans - a city known for daring and debauchery. So it's probably not a huge surprise that the #1 question they were asked by the folks they met in NOLA was, "What can I do to keep from getting called out when I say or do something that rubs others the wrong way?" Doxxing is a very real concern these days, and self-righteousness has been weaponized on both sides of the culture war. Wolf and Stef wax philosophical about this and discuss what, if anything, someone can do to keep from being canceled.

Show Notes

Friend of the show and brand new author Stephanie Sigler is joining Wolf and Stefani this week and she is opening up... about all things ENM! A multiple-award winning sėxuality coach, she's here to share her tips on everything from how to navigate a group chat when you're chatting about "group activities" and what NOT to do on lifestyle apps to the best way to update- and if you choose, disseminate- your personal health info quickly and privately. Listen in this week as Wolf learns what to do when TWO Stef's show up to the conversation.

Show Notes

A man in Britain is suing Apple for the dissolution of his marriage. Could his wife have been upset about his years of infidelity? No way- clearly, his iOS is to blame. This week, Stef and Wolf sit down to ask why this case is happening, what designers could do differently to prevent these situations, how to best keep your everyday messages private, and also just a general "WTF, Richard?"

Show Notes

Stefani spent many years working in shelters for people at risk: homeless shelters, domestic violence shelters, and shelters for young people who didn't feel safe at home. There's one thing they all lacked: pretty much any kind of cybersecurity. Yeah! The people who are protecting the most vulnerable among us are often operating from a pretty vulnerable place themselves. This week, Stef and Wolf are joined by Dr. Kelley Masata, the founder and CEO of Sightline Security, a nonprofit which works with other nonprofits to develop a security strategy that protects their people, supports their mission, and fits their budget. She's here to share her own story of cyberabuse and her vision for creating a safer online world.

Show Notes

It's summer in an even-numbered year and you know what that means! No, not easier math for numerologists... the Olympics are back! And while neither Goerlich is known for their athletic acumen, Stefani is here to answer all of Wolf's questions about the latest gossip coming out of Paris. From cardboard beds to a cornucopia of condoms... we've got all your pre-Games gossip (and perhaps a little sęx-and-tech context!) for you this week on Securing Sexuality.

Show Notes

The amount of peer-to-peer surveillance these days has gotten downright creepy. Behavior we'd never tolerate from our neighbors (staring in our windows, jotting down our dog-walking schedule) have become ubiquitous through the use of things like Ring cameras and other "internet of things" home products. Wolf and Stefani talked about app-based surveillance in episode 77- The New Peeping Toms, and this week they're joined by Albert Fox Cahn of the Surveillance Technology Oversight Project, whose here to tell us how to protect yourself from constant, low-key monitoring... or if you even can.

RSA is one of the biggest Information Security conferences in the country, drawing 50,000 people to San Francisco from around the world to learn from some of the leading voices in technology... and for some reason? They gave Stefani a microphone. This week's episode, recorded live at RSA, features her thoughts on how the internet is rewiring our erotic identities, the role that hackers and technologists can play in protecting intimate relationships, and why the Elf on the Shelf is an existential threat to society. You should check it out!

⁠Show Notes⁠

Friend of the show and all-around badass, Kurt Fowler is back with us to discuss his new book The Rise of Digital S3x Workout now from NYU Press. The internet has revolutionized s3x work perhaps more than any other profession and Kurt is here to tell Wolf & Stefani all about how innovative workers are using the internet to attract clients, shape personas, share information, screen potential clients, and build community. 

Show Notes

Stef & Wolf were invited to be Guests of Honor at PenguiCon 2024 and they are here to report on 48 hours of pure awesomeness. Lots of talks (they gave four separate presentations) and LOTS of great questions later... they're here to tell you all about it. Have you ever wondered what you get when you combine Open Source, Sci Fi, and S3x Toys? You'll find out this week on Securing Sexuality!

Show Notes

Hey there, Mr(s) Incognito Mode! You're doing all the right things when you browse online. No one knows what you're searching for and you know better than to actually make an account on the sexywebz, right? Yeah... we've got some bad news for you. This week Stef and Wolf are joined by Alessandro Polidoro, technology attorney and digital rights activist who's here to tell us all the sneaky ways that websites (yes, those websites) are tracking your searches and how this information can be weaponized against you. Alessandro is working to make sure your private pleasures remain just that. Because after all, you didn't sign up to be a data p0rn star.

Show Notes

Stefani is out sick, but don’t worry- it’s not Covid!

Speaking of the pandemic? Since 2020, the rise of Zoom dates has become a fascinating phenomenon. These virtual meet-cutes not only offer a practical solution for distance or health concerns but also introduce a whole new dynamic to the dating scene. Weaving in tips on avoiding romance scams with tips for fun-yet-secure Zoom dates, Wolf does his best to carry on alone.

Show Notes

This is the 80th episode of Securing Sexuality. Each week, Stef and Wolf sit down at their desks to chat about the world of intimacy and technology... or do they? How can you tell if the voices you're hearing right now belong to the people you think they do? Can you be sure that the faces you see on your screen are real? Do the Goerlichs exist at ALL?! Lucky for you, Information Security and Risk Management expert Joshua Marpet is with us this week to give you the answer... and that answer is "damned if we know."

Show Notes

One of the top questions listeners ask the Securing Sexuality Home Team is how to minimize the amount of data they feed to "the machine." Unfortunately, we don't have a good answer for you, especially now that AI seems to be developing...gaydar? Tune in this week as Wolf and Stef discuss the subtle, even subliminal data points that Large Language Models are using to figure out your most personal information- whether you intend to share this info or not.

Show Notes

Keigh-Lee Paroz is a U.K. based data privacy expert who is deeply passionate about human rights, accessibility, gender equality, and the ways in which technology can influence all three. This week, she's joining Wolf and Stef to explain Europe's General Data Protection Regulation and how better security practices can build a better world.

Show Notes

We're all familiar with the way that big businesses collect, analyze and sell our personal data. No one LIKES it, but most of us have resigned ourselves to the fact that the stuff we share on social media is going to be, well, shared.But what happens when the entity tracking your location, sharing your personal data (address, religion, political views) is not a website you've chosen to use but the stranger in line behind you at the pharmacy? How do we respond when our neighbors are the ones monitoring- and sharing- our most private details with the world? This week, Wolf and Stef talk about the rise of peer-to-peer surveillance tech and the ironic lack of information about who's behind these apps.

Show Notes

What do you get when you cross a Structural Engineer with a pleasure products home party? If you're super lucky, you get Raven Faber- the brilliant mind behind EngErotics! This week she's joining Stef and Wolf to discuss materials science, multilevel marketing, and why everyone needs to pay close attention to what their favorite toys are made of. Before you purchase your next buzzy buddy (whether it's internet connected or not!) you're going to want to listen to our chat with Raven.

See the Show Notes here.

This week, we're learning all about pig butchering! No, Stefani is not forsaking her Jewish roots to go "whole hog," but she is going to learn all about this insidious and devastating form of romance scam. Join Stef and Wolf as they chat with Sean Gallagher, Principal Threat Researcher for Sophos X-Ops. Prior to joining Sophos, he was an information security and technology journalist for over 30 years, including 10 as information security and national security editor for Ars Technica and he's here to tell us if it's possible to protect ourselves and our loved ones from online information that's not quite... kosher?

Ah, the old No-Tell Motel, where Film Noir gumshoes conduct parking lot stakeouts, illicit lovers find forbidden romance, and every 3rd episode of COPS- Tallahassee is filmed. Sadly, the glory days of by-the-hour shenanigans have largely been replaced by the app-based vacation rental. In every city in the world, folks can check into a private spot far from the prying eyes of hotel desk clerks... right? Just how private ARE these peer-to-peer rental properties? Who's welcome to stay and what (or who!) are we allowed to do when we get there? Coming to you live from the road in Denver, Stef and Wolf are airing all the dirty laundry this week... because the owner told them they had to before they could leave.

See the Show Notes here.

This week, Stefani ventures into dark places she's never been before. That's right! This week, we're gonna get Psychodynamic. Stef and Wolf are joined by robotics researcher and all around badass Dr. Jo Ann Oravec to have a conversation about ego-centrism, artificial intelligence, and the hope that someday we might marry our robots....or become one ourselves. From Freud to Feminism to the perils of aging, Dr. Oravec is here to try and convince us all to get comfortable with the idea of human-robot relationships.

See the Show Notes here.

From the Republican Party to the local sports bar, everyone in America is talking about Taylor Swift this week. But why are they so obsessed with her and WTF does it have to do with Securing Sexuality? This conversation starts out with Stefani's desire to finallyconvince Wolf that football is fun... but it quickly becomes an exploration of misinformation, deepfakes, artificial intelligence, and how one precocious middle schooler might be our best hope to save America.

See the Show Notes here.

This week Stef and Wolf are joined by the cybersecurity's Ring Master, Ean Meyer! He's here to tell us all about manatees, muppets, and how to make scary topics accessible- a challenge many clinicians and educators also wrestle with. How can we get folks to learn skills to keep themselves safe? Why is making them even more afraid not an ideal strategy to reinforce learning? And how can we harness the power of FUN to keep people safe on the interwebz? Ean's got us covered!

See the show notes here.

From fashion trends to SCOTUS rulings, this episode has a something for everyone. Join us as we try to get a cover-all on the 2024 Predictions Bingo card put out by one of Stefani's favorite brands. There's no sponsored content here- just rollicking conversation about abortion pills, TradWives, and the RenFaire. Laugh along with us- but be sure to shout BINGO to claim your winner's status in the year ahead.

Show Notes for this episode.

One of the biggest complaints that Stefani hears in her practice is that there are so many treatment options for men who struggle with arousal disorders and relatively few available for women. It can be disheartening for many clients to feel like the medical community isn't taking their needs (or their bodies) seriously... and if there's one thing that Wolf and Stef want you to take away from this podcast? It's that you need to change your password. ...But their second message is that everyone deserves to feel good both in their bodies AND with their partners. This week, Dr. Ashley Winter, the medical director of Femme Tech is here to tell us all about the science of helping women and other vulva owners have the information, support, and technology they need to live their best, most pleasure-possible lives.

See the show notes HERE.

This has been a busy year for the Securing Sexuality Home Team! Wolf and Stef talked to some incredible experts and recorded dozens of podcast episodes, Comms Director Frank and the crew helped us host our first ever live conference, and we even visited a cyber brothel! But which episodes were our favorite of 2023? In a year full of so much, what sticks out in our minds as the most impactful moments? Last week we learned who Wolf's favorite conversation was with. Tune in this week to discover why Stefani chose one of the most stressful moments of 2023 as her top-pick episode.

This has been a busy year for the Securing Sexuality Home Team! Wolf and Stef talked to some incredible experts and recorded dozens of podcast episodes, Comms Director Frank and the crew helped us host our first ever live conference, and we even visited a cyber brothel! But which episodes were our favorite of 2023? In a year full of so much, what sticks out in our minds as the most impactful moments? Tune in this week to discover Wolf's pick!

It's that time of year again! PornHub has released its annual report on viewer trends and Stefani can't wait to unwrap it. Join Wolf and Stef this week as they discuss what surprised them about 2023's top fantasies, offers their insights into why some themes are more popular than ever, and they debate whether or not she should start her own channel in 2024.

Show Notes on SecuringSexuality.com

It seems like it's impossible to live in the 21st century without sharing parts of our lives on different social media platforms. LinkedIn for professional networking, Facebook to keep up with the family, the website-formerly-known-as-Twitter when you're just dying to ruin your mood. Every facet of life has it's own dedicated website- including our most intimate identities. The BDSM community has been online for as long as there's been a world wide web, but how safe are our kinky social media options these days? Has anti-kink stigma diminished enough to feel comfortable posting about BDSM on Instagram? Are the available kink-specific platforms safe to use? This week, Wolf & Stef are joined by Apollyon, who has worked on several major altsex platforms- including a new one that's addressing some of the biggest security pitfalls users have experienced in other online spaces: Submit social.

Show Notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Perhaps the most common question people ask Wolf these days is how they can evaluate an app or other digital product before using it themselves or sharing it with others. This week, we'll use the recent example of Speaker of the House Mike Johnson's revelation that he and his son use the Covenant Eyes "accountability" app to track their digital behaviors online as a case study. Wolf walks Stefani step-by-step through the process of researching a digital product, how to use publicly available information to determine if they're safe to use, and what to watch out for in assessing a products risk. Then, Stefani shares her thoughts on the whole idea of shame as a tool for behavior modification and the risks and benefits of the psychology behind shameware. This is a can't-miss episode!

⁠⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Life is weird these days. Everyone is polarized. The news is a clusterf!ck. And now we have to hang out with Racist Uncle Joe and eat some overcooked turkey. Thankfully (see what we did there?!) Wolf and Stef are joined this week by Tilly Bridges, the author of Begin Transmission: the Trans Allegories of the Matrixto talk about how we can use our post-parade TV time to brush up on all the ways the Matrix Trilogy teaches us how to be better humans.

⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

How much would you pay for a stolen credit card number? A social security number? Can you put a price on someone's online identity? What about just their medical records? In this weeks episode, Stefani has questions about healthcare hacking: why it happens, how to recognize it, and why someone would bother stealing the records of her last flu shot. Have you ever wondered why criminals target hospitals? Do you ever worry that your colonoscopy pics can be weaponized against you? Is the farm supply store an appropriate place to take your date on Valentines Day? Wolf will answer these questions and more this week on Securing Sexuality.

⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Social media is full of commentary on masculinity these days. As gender norms change and evolve, more and more men are thinking about what it looks like to be a good man in the 21st century- both online and off. This week, author Eric FitzMedrud is here to join Wolf & Stef in these conversations. Listen in as they chat about the evolution of masculinity, consent for men, what Ted Lasso can teach us about ethical tech, and what it means to be The Better Man today.

⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Wolf and Stef got an early holiday gift in the mail from Lovehoney! Join us this week as Sarah Tomchesson, Lovehoney's Resident Sexual Wellness Advisor, guides Wolf & Stef through unboxing a sexy advent calendar! As each new treat is revealed, Sarah, Stefani and Wolf share tips, tell stories, and gear up for the most decadent holiday season ever.

Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Michael Kaye is the Director of Brand Marketing & Communications for Archer- a new dating app for gay men. He's here to give Stef & Wolf a glimpse into the world of online dating platforms- how sites are designed, how safety and inclusivity are prioritized, and how folks from under-represented gender, sexuality, and relationship communities can find friendship, connection, and love in cyberspace. There's someone out there for everyone- and Michael wants to help them find each other.

⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com⁠

It's finally here! The Securing Sexuality Conference is live in Detroit and it's sold out!! People are making new friends, learning from experts, and picking some locks... but just beneath the surface, a scheme is brewing. Join us as Wolf and Stef share their favorite conference moments and recount their behind-the-scenes adventure as someone tries to pull off a targeted phishing attack against the conference. Will our harried heroes catch on in time? Tune in to find out!

⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com⁠

Maya Brooks is a legit genius. An award-winning educator, speaker, and entrepreneur, she is Founder & CEO of Privy Labs, an anti-piracy protocol designed to protect media content from harm, abuse, and misuse. And this week, Maya is here to tell us how to keep our spiciest images safe online. In order to do that, through, she'll first have to get Stefani to understand what the blockchain actually is.. a task many (including Wolf) have tried and failed. Whether you're already a blockchain aficionado, or whether you're still sending pics the old fashioned way (Polaroids by carrier pigeon, of course!) this fascinating conversation has something for everyone. Are you Privvy yet? Join us this week to learn more.

⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com⁠

What counts as cheating online? Is watching porn cheating? Is having friendships with folks you only know from social media emotional infidelity? Is buying time with your favorite cam performing the same as having an affair? The answer is YES.

Or maybe no.

It all depends on your specific relationship agreements. But no matter what counts as infidelity for you and your partner(s), everyone agrees that technology has changed what being unfaithful looks like and in this episode, Wolf and Stef are going to explore how, why, and what you can do to make sure you're staying on the right side of your relationships.

⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

If you've ever wondered what the coolest job EVER was, Simon Dubé has it. Simon is a post-doctoral research fellow at the Kinsey Institute, where he specializes in erobotics, sextech and space sexology. YES.... he is a space sex scientist! And he is here to tell us all about his work in erobotics, the International Congress on Love, Sex and Robots, and why the future of space exploration might be more female than most sci-fi movies have led us to believe. This interview is can't-miss for anyone who ever watched the opening sequence of Barbarella and thought to themselves "that's what I want to be when I grow up."

⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Breakups are never easy. It never fails to surprise us how quickly love can turn to anger and hurt. Knowing that our now-ex has a record of the good times, the sexy times, can make a breakup feel even more stressful and disorienting. This week, Wolf and Stef are here to talk about how to navigate the tech side of a breakup- what to do with all of those saved flirtations and deeply personal pics you have saved once the person you shared them with is no longer around. We discuss the ethics of living like Lasso, explore what our options are when the one we used to love isn't quite as invested in protecting our privacy anymore, and offer some best practices for broken hearts.. and breached passwords.

⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Sex-positive Punk-Folk musician Rachel Lark, creator of the rock comedy musical "Coming Soon" which explores themes of connection and healing from trauma, visits Securing Sexuality this week! Her hits include “⁠Polyamory Blues⁠,” “⁠Shut Up & Hit Me⁠,” "⁠Warm, Bloody, And Tender⁠,” “⁠It’s Hard To Be A Feminist⁠," and she's here to tell Wolf and Stef all about her journey into music, her thoughts on internet fame, her upcoming tour, and how bawdy music-making can change a life and rock the house.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

What do you do when your photo pops up somewhere you DON'T want to be? Do you have any options? Heck... do you even own your image? Inspired by a recent call from a concerned therapist, this week Wolf tells Stefani all about the Digital Millennium Copyright Act- how it can protect you when unwanted images, recordings, and other content is shared online and where it's usefulness is limited. What does ANY of this have to do with baby hippos? Tune in this week to find out.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Shakun Sethi had a vision: she wanted to create a user-friendly, approachable s3x education platform that would let people get answers to the questions they were too embarrassed to ask anywhere else. She wanted to teach, to empower, to amuse. So when her site, Tickle.Life was deplatformed by her payment processors? She approached the situation like any passionate teacher would: she immersed herself in the world of credit card processing and online banking regulations in order to become an expert in working a system that was created to keep some people out- out of business and out of money. That's how Tickle.Pay was born. Tune in this week to learn about banking bias, the complicated world of "high risk" payment processing, and how one amazing woman is breaking down barriers not only for herself, but for everyone doing s3x and intimacy related work.

⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

This August, Stefani was invited to speak at SquadCon- one of the many community events that happen in Las Vegas at Hacker Summer Camp. Join us as Wolf offers color commentary on her presentation, hear her thoughts on why developers need to be designing with mental health in mind, and learn why Stef STILL f*cking hates the Elf on the Shelf. Much like Summer Camp itself, this is not to be missed.

We all know someone who logs on to Only Fans these days, either as a content creator or as a consumer. But what many of us don't realize is that the nature of the site has changed dramatically. In this episode, we are joined by Christine Leistner, a relationship scientist and public health scholar at California State University- Chico, who tells Stef and Wolf all about the ways in which Only Fans has become a go-to resource for education about intimacy and relationships. Sure, OF will still let its users scratch that voyeuristic itch that the site is most well known for... but it might also help them become better lovers, better partners, and better human beings along the way.

⁠⁠Show notes on SecuringSexuality.com

Tune in for our first ever cross-over episode and listen in as our intrepid hosts join Rachel Arnold and Will McCullen for an episode of The Coffee Table Talk cybersecurity podcast. Join us for a heavily caffeinated conversation between three cybersecurity experts (and Stefani) as they explain why technologists need to be paying attention to the way people form and foster their relationships online and off.

Melissa Saavedra is a Navy Veteran, romance novel connoisseur, and the founder of Steam Box- an artfully assembled, intentionally diverse, monthly box of hot reading, self-care products, and the occasional toy or two. This week, she's here to tell Stef and Wolf all about her path towards becoming an inclusive erotica entrepreneur as well as the conference she's hosting this fall for Romance aficionados, Steamy Lit Con. If you're a lover of steamy literature, if you've always wondered what the appeal of bodice rippers is, or if you just want to know how someone becomes a pleasure curator? This is the episode for you!

Show Notes

Anyone who knows Stefani knows that she is pink OBSESSED. From her hair to her desk, her brand can be summed up (in the words of her Rabbi) as "pink, controversial, and Jewish." So it's no wonder that Stef & Wolf's first post-pandemic trip back to the movie theater was to see Greta Gerwig's summer hit, the Barbie movie. It was slightly more surprising to Wolf to learn exactly what Stefani used to do with her Barbie's back in the day. Listen in as Wolf and Stef talk about the role that these classic toys have in helping children of all genders envision their future adult lives... and unpack some of the ways that the brand has gotten it wrong over the years. Remember the WiFi-enabled Hello Barbie, or the Video Girl Barbie camera? Yeah. This episode is for anyone who has ever watched a child play with their toys and wondered to themselves "what the actual f*@k are they doing?"

Show Notes

Straithe is a social robotics, privacy/security, and human-computer interaction researcher and all-around badass. She's an expert in the ways our use of technology inform how we engage and form relationships with others- coworkers and grocery store clerks, partners and doctors, and everyone in between. Straithe believes that we build empathy for each other when we show empathy to the robots in our lives and she's here to tell us all about why this is and how we can become better humans by interacting with machines. Join us to learn about the small details that create a sense of distance between ourselves and the machines we encounter, and why learning to look past them can also inspire us to be more accepting, inclusive, and kind to the people in our world as well.

Show Notes

Flash back with us to early May, when Wolf and Stef were still on their European Sabbatical. Somewhere on the continent, there exists a cyber brothel- probably more than one, actually- and Stefani decided to check it out... for science. If you've ever wanted an experience that can only be described as somewhere between Labyrinth and Taken, this episode is for you. Listen in as Wolf and Stef recap her adventure, complete with audio recordings of what Stefani describes as "the least sexy thing I've ever done." Fair Warning: In this episode, somebody's yum is about to get yucked.

Show Notes

Brad "RenderMan" Haines" has been hacking things his whole life, but has been doing it professionally for over 20 years. Based out of Edmonton, Alberta, Canada,  he has done  work to expose vulnerabilities in wireless networks, Government and corporate networks around the world, Air Traffic Control systems, and most recently, connected sex toys. He is the founder of the Internet of Dongs project (https://internetofdon.gs) where he and  his wife, Circuitswan, work to educate consumers, retailers and the smart sex toy industry about safety and security issues before they become front-page news.

Show Notes

Recently, Wolf was asked by some friends of ours to offer safety suggestions for therapists working with clients who belong to targeted people- trans folks, queer people, women accessing reproductive healthcare, and others. This conversation is necessary because those who are fighting against the rights of these communities aren't just attacking legislatively- they're going after individual providers directly. In this week's episode, Wolf explains the systemic and institutional barriers to privacy that leave mental health providers exposed to harassment and abuse, and shares some strategies for protecting both your practice and your private information. Bodily autonomy and a sense of safety are basic rights everyone is entitled to, no matter what you do or who you are. This episode gives you a head start on protecting and preserving YOUR right to privacy and self-determination online and off.

Show Notes

Did you know that only 29 states require schools to teach sex education... and that 1/3 of those do NOT require this education to be medically accurate? Most of us were lucky enough to learn the "birds and bees basics" at some point before graduation; but how many of us were taught how to turn down unwanted attention with grace and tact- or to receive that no without shame or anger? That's where Unhushed comes in. Unhushed is a values-based, comprehensive educational curriculum for kids of all ages and Executive Director Karen Rayne is here with Curriculum Writer Jessica Smarr to tell us all about the importance of emotionally inclusive, medically accurate information... especially for kids who live and breathe social media. This isn't your gym teachers health class, thank goodness, and Stef and Wolf are here for it.

Show Notes

Recorded live at the AASECT (American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists) annual conference, Wolf and Stef sit down with author and activist Jane Fleishman to discuss her book The Stonewall Generation: LGBT Elders on Sex, Activism, and Aging. Jane tells us about using 1-800 numbers to find the next protest, singing songs while stuffing envelopes, and the best possible way to hand someone a leaflet. Along the way, she offers her advice for bridging the digital divide between aging activists and the next generation of social justice advocates. Sitting around the table together, Jane reminds us that young or old, online or on paper, Pride belongs to everyone.

Show Notes

Wolf and Stef are joined by Jackie Rotman, founder and CEO of The Center for Intimacy Justice, a nonprofit advocacy group focused on challenging ongoing censorship of information about sexual health for women and people of diverse genders by social media conglomerates. In this episode, Jackie explains why advertising menstrual products on Instagram is an act of social justice, how visibility impacts mental health, and what we can do to advocate for access to real, inclusive, medically accurate, and pleasure-promoting content online.

Show Notes

Can ChatGPT make us better at flirting? Can AI replace my therapist? Should Stef & Wolf outsource this whole darn podcast to our future robot overlords? What does it mean to form a romantic attachment to a personality that may or may not actually exist? This week we explore all the ways in which people are using artificial intelligence to mediate their relationships- romantic, professional, and all points in between. Where is a philosopher when we need one?!

Show Notes

SexTech Revolutionary Cindy Gallop doesn't want much... she only wants to change the world. In this week's episode, Stef and Wolf are joined by the pioneering, activist, TED Talk speaker, and founder of the website Make Love, Not Porn to unpack the differences between social sex videos and pornography and learn more about how reframing our understanding of erotica can revitalize our society's understanding of sensuality, intimacy, society, and more. Cindy shares her vision for a vibrant, revelatory, celebratory, body- and pleasure-positive world where men, women, and everyone can feel safe and sexy... and it all starts with a little seed funding.

Show Notes

Our intrepid and incorrigible co-hosts return from their epic multi-country learning extravaganza! This week, they're debriefing their experiences in ancient brothels, modern red-light districts, Spanish museums, and German nightclubs. They've spent the last seven weeks meeting up with some of the leading sexuality researchers, educators, and clinicians in Europe, and they're here to tell you all about it. What do Nazis have to do with drawing your curtains? Can we really believe what they tell us about ancient advertisements? Does falafel belong on a pizza? And how does a burlesque dancer decide what to take off... or not? These questions and more were answered on Wolf and Stef's Sexy Spring Break!

Show Notes

Touch, connection, companionship- these are primal needs. Cultures around the world teach that "It is not good for man to be alone"... but that doesn't mean companionship has to come from another human, right? Where do robots and digital personalities factor into our human quest for connection? How can technology help foster intimate justice and pleasure equity? Are there limits to what we can ask of machines?  Yeah... we don't know. Good thing we have a philosopher on hand to help us ask the questions! Ezio di Nucci is professor of bioethics and director of the Centre for Medical Science and Technology Studies at the University of Copenhagen and he doesn't know either. But the conversation we have is great! 

Show Notes

Slightly less than one year ago, the Securing Sexuality podcast was launched to provide immediate, actionable security advice to people grappling with the Dobbs ruling, which overturned Roe v. Wade. We worried then about the way that personal data and digital communications would be weaponized against people seeking reproductive health care. Eight months later, Stef and Wolf revisit the topic to discuss a recent case in Texas involving private text messages being used in a wrongful death lawsuit involving a self-managed abortion. Tune in to this infuriating, terrifying, update to Privacy in a Post-Roe America today. 

Show Notes

Remember back when the internet was new? Honestly... probably not. We're two generations removed from the dawn of the internet age and even those who were born before the days of the "information superhighway" find their memories of life before AOL rather blurry. The problem with living in this new age of ubiquitous tech is that we've all gotten used to it- we don't think much about online safety anymore because we've all heard those messages, fast-forwarded through the PSA's and dozed off during computer class. The idea that we "get it now" encourages complacency and exposes us to subtle risks we might not think to prevent. Thank goodness that Nicole Schwartz, security researcher and co-COO of The Diana Initiative is here to give us all a refresher course in 21st century street smarts. 

Show Notes

What does it take to make Wolf nervous? Is the prospect of dating a serial killer enough to make him break a sweat? What steps should you take to protect yourself when you're meeting someone (or going somewhere) new? Are those fancy, jewelry-style personal safety baubles worth the cost or do they open you up to a whole new category of risk? We answer all those questions and more this week on Securing Sexuality. 

Show Notes

Mandatory reporting laws are a cornerstone of the modern American social contract. Americans assume that those in positions of trust and authority- teachers, therapists, doctors, and others- will use their authority to protect those who are at risk of being abused; and this assumption is both a source of anxiety (for those who want to live and parent free from governmental oversight) and reassurance (for law enforcement and case workers working to identify at-risk individuals). Imagine our surprise, then, to learn that mandatory reporting practices are NOT a universal norm and that what constitutes ethical duty for therapists working with more complicated clients varies around the world. This week Wolf and Stef are joined by Dr. Caleb Jacobson, an American clinical psychologist and sex therapist living and working in Germany, who discusses how privacy policies and protective strategies vary around the world. 

Show Notes

Every week, Wolf and Stef bring you a conversation with someone they find interesting, or a topic that caught their attention. In other words? They ALWAYS get to choose what they talk about. Until today! In this episode, Wolf and Stef are joined by Frank Mons, Communications Director for The Bound Together Foundation. He's got a list of queries submitted by listeners and he's going to make sure you get answers to ALL your burning questions.... mostly. (This is a show about privacy, after all)

Show Notes

"Everything good is bad for you", the old expression goes. You like steak? Here comes heart disease. You want to lay out on the beach? Hello, melanoma! You want to relax and play some video games? Well guess what, buddy... you're an addict! It's easy to make everything seem harmful when we don't have a solid. understand of what healthy looks like. That steak? Helps with anemia. Sunshine? Thanks for the Vitamin D, friend. And gaming- like anything- has pros and cons. This week we're joined by Drs. Markie Twist and Neil McArthur- a Marriage and Family Therapist and a philosopher respectively- to help us unpack what digital health looks like, and how to know when our love of tech might be going too far. You're going to feel a lot better after listening. 

Show Notes

Mental health providers across the country are watching with trepidation and outrage as Oklahoma codifies a new rule that would require every licensed therapist to upload client data into a statewide shared system. This week, Stefani and Wolf explain why this is such a terrible idea for patients and providers.  The state's Health Care Authority Board meets to discuss APA WF 22-16 just 72 hours after this episode airs. Listen now to find out what you can do to take action- no matter where you live. 

Show Notes

Often confused for censorship or conflated with community standards, it seems like everyone has an opinion about about net neutrality... but few understand what it really entails. This week, Wolf and Stef are joined by facilitator, sex educator, and media justice advocate Bianca Laureano who helps us break the topic down, explore how it impacts our every day digital lives, and explain why this esoteric-sounding subject should matter to mental health providers, content creators, sexuality professionals, and laypeople alike. 

Show Notes

This term, the United States Supreme Court is set to rule on Section 230- the law that (it's been said) "created the internet." Like most laws, it's deceptively simple. And like many aging adults, the Justices aren't quite as up on their digital literacy as they could be. Their ruling (due late Spring) could dismantle the web as we know it. Or? It might result in a beautifully footnoted, legal shrug. But before they break out their briefs and start grilling their clerks about TikTok, it's time to answer the question... what does WOLF want them to understand about the 26 words that keep the memes a'flowing?

Show Notes

D-types spend a LOT of time thinking about how best to guide, direct, and nurture their submissives. User Experience (UX) designers do the exact same thing for every website visitor! This week we are joined by Stephanie Spiegal, AKA Miss Stevie, a User Experience Designer turned professional dominatrix who tells us all about how design thinking helps her create scenes for her submissives, while BDSM-style negotiations and consent processes inform her collaborations with her tech clients. In other words? Miss Stevie is right in the center of our Intimacy and Technology Venn... and she's holding a flogger.

Show Notes

What do hacker cons, sexology cons, and GalaxyCon have in common (beside the fact that Wolf and Stef spent their December attending EACH of these events)? They all draw an audience of people who find smarts VERY sexy. This week, we're talking about sapiosexuality- sexual attraction to intelligence. And you don't have to be classically "booksmart" to have a big, sexy, brain. There are multiple intelligences and thousands of people who find them deeply desirable. 

Show Notes

From Reddit and Instagram to WhatsApp and Slack, it seems like everyone carries their social circle around in their pockets these days. Self-help and support groups covering everything from grief and loss to substance use (and everything in between) exist everywhere from Facebook to 4Chan. 

From a privacy perspective, this kinda makes Wolf wince!

But we can't deny the reality that society is moving towards ever more screen-mediated relationships; so we're excited to be joined by Chandler Rogers who shares the story behind his innovative new support platform, Relay Health, and helps Stef and Wolf explore the new reality of both clinician facilitated AND peer-to-peer telehealth communities. 

Show Notes

This week Stef and Wolf reminisce about their favorite library memories, engage in some less-than-literary critique of Shakespeare and, and discuss the current situation in Florida, where books are being pulled our of classrooms and libraries until they can be vetted for compliance with Ron DeSantis's new educational (read: censorship) standards. Needless to say? These two bookworms have some thoughts. 

Show Notes

The Executive Director of the New York based Surveillance Technology Oversight Project join us this week to discuss the policing of LGBTQIA+ communities, fighting for the rights of religious minorities, and the increasing role of surveillance in public policy and policing. Learn what gives Albert Fox Cahn hope and how he and his colleagues are fighting to make NY a privacy model for the nation. 

Show Notes

In this weeks episode, Stef and Wolf discuss her status as a deviancy drop-out, Wolf gets to hear those three little words everyone wants to hear from their spouse, and they finally resolve one of their longest-running relationship conflicts: just how important is college, anyway? 

Show Notes

Rowenna Fielding, an expert in data privacy, governance and ethics, joins us this week to talk about the difference between sex toy security and privacy. Listen in as she and Wolf geek out over the tech behind the tools, Stefani explores how RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink) can be applied to our pleasure devices, and Rowenna discusses how to evaluate and select a new toy... and when to consider returning them. 

Show Notes

Happy New Year! Wolf and Stefani are back from their December sabbatical to report out on their trip to the Adult Entertainment Expo hosted by AVN. In this episode, they share their impressions as first-time attendees and discuss what surprised them, what excited them, and what left them a little confused. If you've ever wanted to know how a huge gathering of adult content creators and their fans could be downright wholesome, this is the episode for you!

Securing Sexuality is brought to you by The Bound Together Foundation, a 501(c)3 nonprofit: www.boundtogetherfoundation.org

Show Notes

This week we're talking to Dr. Kurt Fowler, Associate Professor of Criminal Justice at Penn State Abington AND the author of the forthcoming (tentatively titled) Virtually Yours: Sex Work and Digital Culture. Wolf and Stef talk to him about how marginalized workers use digital tools to foster safety and learn how we can best ally with those who make their livings by connecting with others in deeply personal ways.  

Show Notes

From it's origins as outlaw entertainment to its modern iteration as a somewhat old fashioned family-friendly activity, join Stef and Wolf at the Seattle Pinball Museum as they discuss what lessons we can learn about life, love, and lust from a decades old game. 

Show Notes

Patient advocate and founder of HealthyHooha.com, Aimee Cloutier joins us this week to talk all about vulvovaginal health and the barriers that vulva-owners often experience when seeking healthcare. Wolf and Stef learn about the limitations of medical education, discuss what patients can do to speak up for their bodies and their wellness, and hear more about Aimee's passion for evidence-based health education. Whether you're someone with a vulva, or just happen to love someone who is, this episode is a must-listen. 

Show Notes

It's November once again! That annual time when we think about Puritans, working up an appetite, and... abstinence? No Nut November might have gotten its modern start on social media, but the philosophical and (pseudo)scientific origins date back centuries. Join Wolf and Stef as they discuss the history, the science, the risks, and the potential benefits of choosing not to baste the turkey for a full 30 days. 

Wolf and Stef are joined by Luna Lapine, erotic content creator and owner of Moon Rabbit Studios to talk about her safety awareness practices as a self-described "professional strumpet." Luna describes her first-hand experiences with risk mitigation as an adult artist and shares her love of Victorian cabinet cards featuring strumpets of yore.

From telegraph to teledildonics, people have leveraged technology to cultivate pleasure and intimacy for themselves and their partners. This week Stef and Wolf talk materials science, ISDN, and the illusion of control as they explore the evolution of teledildonics. Learn how these products evolved in step with the internet and what you need to consider before bringing a bluetooth enabled toy into your bedroom and your relationships. 

Stef and Wolf are recording live at the 2023 #ITalkSexualHealth Conference where they've lured Licensed Psychologist Dr. Erica Sarr into an abandoned mailroom to talk all things live, sex, and robots. Dr. Sarr is an expert in process addiction and mental health, specifically as these relate to video games and other technology. This week, she's talks to us about the pros and cons of sexualizing robots, the future of adaptive intimacy tech, and the ethics of romancing a machine. (Content Warning for this episode: we do touch briefly on the debate around the use of technology to treat people with p*dophilic urges)

In this continuation of Wolf and Stefani's conversation about the history of erotica media over the last 75 or so years, Stefani discusses how moral panics and public health crises shaped the way in which we create and consume smut. From 16mm stag party films through the rise of interactive, user-created content, this episode explores the fascinating ways in which the worlds of sex and tech influence each other and drive innovation and connection. 

In this week's episode, Stefani battles a head cold in order to share what she learned about the history of sex tech while preparing for her recent Circle City Con presentation "Digital Desire: 10,000 years of Cyber Sex." In part one of this two-part series, she and Wolf chat about erotic innovations from 7200 BCE through the 1950's including a discussion of her favorite 19th century innovation that spurred enterprise, modernized communication, and thoroughly scandalized the British. What was this infamous device? Listen now to find out!

In this episode, we talk to Stephanie Hare, author of Technology Is Not Neutral: A Short Guide to Technology Ethics. She tells us all about third party data collection, scientists attempts to use AI to read someone's sexual orientation on their face, and why going cashless in the elementary school lunchroom can set children up for a problematic approach to relationships later in life. Stephanie's fascinating, a little bit terrifying, and here to help us all better navigate The Creepy Line. 

This week Wolf & Stef talk about the untimely demise of RememBear, how annoying passwords are, why biometrics might not be the end-all-be-all in protecting your privacy, and what steps you need to take to keep your accounts (and your nudes!) locked down. 

This week we're talking about Digital Domestic Violence with Chris Cox, the Founder and Director of Operation Safe Escape, a nonprofit that helps people experiencing Intimate Partner Violence to secure their safety, protect their privacy, and counter-act abusers attempts to use technology as a tool of power and control. 

In a time when laws and culture seem to be shifting rapidly, join us for a conversation about the basics of digital security and how to minimize your online footprint. Whether you're dating, job hunting, or researching a medical condition, find out how to protect your communication with others, hide your browser history, and ensure that you have the space and privacy to make a fully-informed decision, whatever choices you make.