The Covert Narcissism Podcast

In the series of Survivor Stories, Wendy shares her story of a long-term marriage full of betrayal. From very early on, her husband had an affair and left her. She fought for the marriage because she didn’t want her son to grow up in a split home. This happened a second time during their son’s young life. However, the third time he left for an affair, she let him go.    After 30 years of this, it was time to find some healing. She went to a therapist and said: “I don’t understand. I have all these cards from him that say, “I love you. You are the rock of the family. You’re my best friend. I don’t ever want to live without you. I can’t wait to grow old with you.” All the while he was having affairs. Would you consider this mental abuse? She said, Yes!”   Thus began her journey of healing!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Grandiose narcissists cross physical boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in a physical manner. They hit you, shove you, grab you, or throw things at you. They have no regard for your physical space or safety.   Vulnerable narcissists, often referred to as covert narcissists, cross emotional boundaries. They overstep normal and healthy boundaries in an emotional way. They hit you emotionally, blame you, guilt you, or dismiss you. They have no regard for your emotional space or safety.   In this episode, Renee gives you 3 simple steps that you can put into place to establish boundaries that work for you. These boundaries are not for them. They are for you!!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Everyone dealing with covert narcissism deals with FOG, but Christians have a extra layer of FOG to handle. FOG stands for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These 3 issues keep a victim of covert narcissism trapped for years and decades. If you add Christianity to this, it becomes nearly impossible to see things clearly.   You are already dealing with the fear of your partner's reactions, fear of upsetting them, and fear of abandonment. Add to this the fear of disobeying God and being condemned to hell.   You live under the obligation to be loyal and supportive spouse. Add to this the obligation to be submissive and dutiful, plus the obligation to be intimate with a partner who constantly pushes you away.   You are overwhelmed with guilt when you fail at all the things you now feel responsible for, such as keeping them satisfied and happy. Add to this the enormous guilt because of how you think and feel about your spouse and because you can't make things better.   The Christian perspective certainly adds another layer of FOG to an already dense situation.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

I stood in my own home and realized that I was frozen, absolutely stuck. What to fix for dinner, what to watch on tv, when to sit down and read my book. I was no longer capable of making even small decisions. This is life with a covert narcissist.   I can't decide where to go for dinner or what to cook. I can't figure out which bathroom to use in my own home. I can't decide which shirt to wear around the house. All because of the belittling comments, controlling comments, self-focused comments, and victim comments. These are never-ending and incredibly destructive.   When I say that our mind is in overdrive, you cannot possibly understand this unless you have lived it. If you have lived it, you know exactly what I mean. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Coercive control is a pattern of behavior used to dominate, manipulate, and control another person, typically in the context of intimate relationships. It is a form of emotional and psychological abuse that can also include physical or sexual violence but is often more subtle and sustained.  The goal of coercive control is to strip the victim of their autonomy and independence, making them dependent on the abuser. This type of control puts the covert narcissist in charge and leaves the target at the mercy of their moods, attitudes, behaviors, and wants. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

“I started this relationship looking for reasons to like him, but I ended it fighting against all the reasons that I hated him.” I have so many people voice this to me. You don't want to hate them. You fight against that for years, but your heart just keeps screaming louder.   You spend years wondering what is wrong with you. Why can't you just focus on the good and move on? There are good traits and good days with them. I’m supposed to dwell on that, right? But why can’t I? What’s wrong with me?   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Let’s remember what trauma bonding is - In a simple definition, it is when the one who has hurt you is the one you turn to help you feel better. Trauma bonding feels like, “you’ve broken me into pieces but you’re the only one who can fix me.” The more you reach out to this covert abuser for love, recognition, comfort, validation, support, reconciliation, or closure, the stronger the trauma bond becomes.You could even call trauma bonding a conditioned dependency. You have been conditioned to rely on this person to help you feel relief from your internal stress. They make you hurt by the way they treat you, and they make you feel better because a healthy relationship with them is what you desire. No one else can make you feel better about that relationship. They can talk with you about it. They can help support you and care for you. But no one can take away that deep internal pain that an intimate covert abuser causes. So you continue to do everything in your power to make peace with this person. You dig in so hard because you desire it SO much!So what do we do about it? I’m going to give you 10 strategies. All 10 might not apply to you. All of us are different. Take the ones that feel right to you and start applying them to your life. Later come back and listen again, you might find a few more that will help you in the new place that you are in. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  •Are you searching for people who get it?  •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

People blow you off, saying you are making a big deal out of nothing. You’re just being too sensitive. You need to get tougher. You need to learn to stand up for yourself. But yet when you try, you get blamed for being the problem. So what's the big deal? Why am I spending a lifetime learning about covert narcissism? Because it matters!! Covert narcissists erase who you are. They rob you of your perspective, identity and personality.   How do we stop this cycle? By giving our kids and our world emotional nourishment. Emotional nourishment is key for anyone’s emotional development. Emotional nourishment is not about how I feel towards another person. It is about acknowledging and caring for how they feel. Emotional nourishment is giving someone the feeling of being accepted and valued for who they are, and the freedom to express themselves without fear of judgment. This sure doesn’t sound like the environment with a covert narcissist. Not at all!! They are the exact opposite.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Why can’t I actually leave this relationship? I want to! I’m tired of being treated this way. I’m tired of the ups and downs. I want stability. I want peace. I want less drama. Why can’t I actually walk away? Why do I keep coming back? Why do I continue to give them another chance, over and over? What is wrong with me? Am I crazy?If this is you, what you are experiencing is trauma bonding. Trauma bonding keeps us tied to this person, no matter how badly they treat us. How does this work? Trauma bonding occurs when a narcissistic person repeats a cycle of abuse with a target which fuels a need for validation and love from the person being abused. It is a psychological addiction and a survival tactic developed by the victim.Trauma bonding develops due to a cycle of intermittent rewards and punishments and a conditioning of the victim. The victim, you build hope, eagerly awaiting the next positive time together and a reprieve from the suffering. You do everything in your power to help this to happen, just knowing that it will come. That confidence is there because you do consistently get breadcrumbs of very loving and rewarding moments.The more you reach out to this covert abuser for love, recognition, comfort, validation, support, reconciliation, or closure, the stronger the trauma bond becomes. The longer period of time or more cycles that you have lived through with this abuser, the stronger the trauma bond is. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  •Are you searching for people who get it?  •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

I’m surrounded by narcissists. Is everyone a covert narcissist? Is every marriage affected by this? I can’t take anything at face value.   Right now in today’s world, I feel like we can’t take anything at face value anymore. The news says one thing. Social media says another. At times, it truly feels like we are surrounded by a fake world. Covert narcissism is absolutely a part of this fake world.   Covert narcissism is narcissistic traits hidden behind and covered up by learned good behavior. This behavior is extremely different publicly than in private. Don't be fooled by their public persona.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

There is a reason that this word FOG always appears in capital letters now. It is an acronym for Fear, Obligation and Guilt. These words explain the progression of things for the victim of narcissistic abuse, and even more so with covert narcissistic abuse.The internal reaction of, “I’ll never do that again,” or "I'll never say that again," is the beginning of FEAR. Whatever it was that provoked that reaction from them that you just experienced, you will now avoid at all costs. Fear of their anger, their rejection, their judgment, even their silence.Not even aware of the driving force of fear in our lives, it becomes an unspoken mission to keep him/her happy, or at least not angry. It becomes our duty, our responsibility, our job, our OBLIGATION. I "should" make them feel better. I "should" keep peace with them. I "should" be more affectionate. I "should" be more clear with my words. And so on.Living a life out obligation is a sure way to live a life out GUILT. Now I feel guilty for falling short of these obligations. I feel guilty when I no longer want to fulfill these obligations. Covert narcissistic abuse gets inside our very core and leaves deep, deep wounds. We join the abuser in abusing ourselves when we add our own guilt to the dynamic at play.You have been made to feel guilty and responsible for any and every bad thing that has ever happened or ever will happen. In this thick FOG, you cannot see clearly. You are disoriented and confused. Things don’t make sense. It is no wonder that you don't feel like yourself anymore. It is time to get out from under this FOG and find you again. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  •Are you searching for people who get it?  •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Narcissism seems to be everywhere. You hear about it in so many families. Marriages that you thought were good, you learn that they are falling apart behind closed doors. Family members, friends, co-workers...everywhere you turn.   Is narcissism on the rise? Yes! Why is this? There are many contributing factors. In this episode, I address a few of these reasons for this explosion in narcissism. The more we can understand, the more we can educate ourselves, the more we can help educate our children, and the more we can put a stop to this rise. It is time to turn this around and work to make our world a more peaceful place.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Last night, I was caught off guard with a question I had not really thought about. I was not prepared to answer this question about my journey with a covert narcissistic husband. Here's the question: Name 3 significant landmarks along the way. Three things that boosted me forward on this journey and got me to where I am today. At first, I only thought of external events. Things that actually took place on a specific day and involved people in my life. These events were what I named at the time. But later that night, I thought more about this question. These were the truly life-changing moments for me. Yes, they were a significant part of my journey, but they aren't really what got me to where I am now.The truly life-changing landmarks were internal! These were the moments that really shot me forward. They were the light bulb moments, the A-ha moments. In these moments, the FOG lifted significantly, and I made gigantic leaps in my journey. These were momentous steps towards saving ME, finding ME, and healing ME. These are my true landmarks! I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  •Are you searching for people who get it?  •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Q & A With Renee Swanson and Her Covert Narcissism Podcast Journey    Recently Renee had the opportunity to be interviewed about her journey with Covert Narcissism and how it led where it is today with the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Currently the Covert Narcissism Podcast is downloaded by hundreds of thousands of listeners each month, and has expanded from Renee’s guest room, to a studio, and from a small facebook group to group coaching and retreats that take place year round. The question on the minds of many who have asked is, how did it get here? When did Renee first have the idea of a podcast? When did she discover her passion for coaching and helping others dealing with covert narcissism? This episode starts with a small Facebook group and goes throughout the journey. and even answers what Renee sees as the future of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. This is a great episode with tons of candid conversation where Renee is off script and telling her story about life after covert narcissism. Thanks for listening, and watching on Youtube!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

It doesn't take long for struggles to show up when you are dealing with a covert narcissist, but we can easily convince ourselves that every marriage has its problems. We conclude that this is just normal relationship strife. But covert narcissistic behavior is more than this. You are not overreacting when you feel like this is a bigger deal than normal.    Trying to talk ourselves out the issues we are facing everyday is detrimental to our health. It takes its toll emotionally, mentally, physically, psychologically, socially, and spiritually.  Lynn shares her story about how this isolation and self-doubt affected her health and how she is getting herself into a better place. Stop the excuses. Stop the muck sweeping.    I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Trauma causes post-traumatic stress disorder. This is literally the effects of the stress after the trauma, the remaining results of the trauma. Too much adrenaline in your system is extremely dangerous. Stress is a killer.   What is stress? According to the World Health Organization, stress can be defined as a state of worry or mental tension caused by a difficult situation. This just described your world when you are living with a covert narcissist. It IS having an impact on your brain. The good news is that this damage is reversible! I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

I mean everything!! You never feel safe interacting with this person. This is why this particular type of abuse is so exhausting. While the abuse may not be constant, the risk of it is. The potential is always there. You never know with anything you say or do if it will set them off.When you are with a covert narcissist, everything you do gets used against you. Everything you say. Everything you do. Even every kind or compassionate act you do.In this episode, I give you personal examples from my own marriage to a covert narcissist. When you hear how ridiculous these situations are, please reflect on your own experiences. How do they treat you? Are you safe with them, physically, but also emotionally and mentally?When they don’t make it safe for us to talk to them, help them, support them, and so on, we simply quit doing it. When others make it hard to help them, people stop helping! This is completely understandable. Put boundaries in place that protect you, your heart, your mind, your soul. We will be talking more about boundaries in future episodes!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

An emergency situation while hiking on the Appalachian Trail resulted in an extremely normal trauma response from me. Realizing the correlations between this trauma response and my past trauma responses to covert narcissism opened my eyes. My responses to trauma are normal responses! I'm not broken. I'm not over-reactive. These situations with a covert narcissist have been traumatic, and my system responded accordingly. I hope this personal story helps you to make the same connections in your journey of healing. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Are you trying to decide if all you are going through is "normal," or if it is fair and reasonable?In the last two episodes, I have talked about the codependency traits that so many victims have in common and the eternal victim role that covert narcissists play. These two things get trapped together so incredibly often.On one side, you have a person who does no self-reflection, no self-improvement, and no internal work. Instead they express out all the ways they have been hurt in life. The abuse they suffered as a child. The mistreatment from parents, siblings, friends. The abuse they suffered from previous relationships, leaving them “broken” and insecure. The ways that everything you say hurts them, reminds them of their past abuse, resurfaces their hurt self. The eternal victim!On the other side, you have a person who desires to care for others. To build other people up. To help others become the best they can be. To “fix” them. To save them. Willing to do the extra work. Willing to give the benefit of the doubt. To carry extra blame so the other person doesn’t have to. To carry your own load and half of theirs too. To look at your own smallest faults and blame these over the massive faults the other person displays. To hold yourself accountable for everything, while letting them off the hook for anything.This is NOT a good combination! Works out great for the covert narcissist, who does none of the work and does anything they want all the time. It is horrible for their partner, who does all the work and never does anything they themselves want.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  •Are you searching for people who get it?  •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

There is an absolute fog that comes from dealing with covert narcissism. You struggle to think straight anymore, and the mind is running in circles   Many survivors ask me, "Is something wrong with me? Will I ever be normal again?"   When you have been through a traumatic relationship, that trauma has an effect.  I say trauma for a reason. This is not a normal relationship with its normal ups and downs. This is not a situation where you just grew apart There is an enormous difference between a disappointing marriage and a destructive one.   Trauma is an intense physical and psychological response to an event, series of events, or set of circumstances that is experienced as harmful or threatening. And trauma overwhelms the brain!!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Meet an extraordinary woman , an attorney, recipient of the governor's award for advocacy with survivors of domestic violence, and international best selling author who triumphed over narcissistic abuse, with two marriages to narcissists behind her, she harnessed the transformative power of her mind and thoughts on her path to healing and personal growth. Her transformation came when she shifted from “why me” to “for me”. Hear her incredible story today! https://www.linkedin.com/in/stephanyann?utm_source=share&utm_campaign=share_via&utm_content=profile&utm_medium=ios_app   https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100092716308108&mibextid=LQQJ4d

Are you finding yourself reactive? Short-tempered? At least to them? Maybe even repulsed by their presence? This is a problem. This is the person living in my house, sleeping in my bed, professing their love to me, raising my kids with me, traveling with me. I can’t live like this. This has to change! How do I get my body to stop reaching to his presence?   Even if you cannot get physical space from the covert narcissist in your world, you must begin the process of getting mental and emotional space from them. Here are 7 steps to help you gain this distance now.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

I hear so many people who have lived with a covert narcissist describe this person as a victim of everything. They can make everything be an attack on them or another way they got slighted.Covert narcissists love to play the victim role. They see themselves as an eternal victim. They will deny this of course. If you try to talk to them about it, then they will often react with sullenness and despair at how much your words are hurting them. Taking them right back into that victim role. Of course, you can’t say this is exactly what I am talking about because they will just loop it right back around on you.It isn’t always clear as to whether they actually truly see themselves as victims or not. Do they believe they are victims or are they just manipulating the social situation to feed their intense need for attention? This is not always clear. But regardless, the victim mentality fills many of the needs of a covert narcissist. It goes hand in hand with many of the characteristics of narcissism, and we are going to explore this today.This victim role is so damaging when you, as a kind, caring and compassionate person, have a burning desire to help others, to treat others with respect, to care for others. We often go too far in believing that their pain and suffering is all our fault. If you are struggling with this, please listen to this episode today! I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  •Are you searching for people who get it?  •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #covertnarcissism #podcast

Dealing with a covert narcissist is different from dealing with people who are “narcissistic”. Most of the advice out there is just for dealing with people who are narcissistic, and that’s a lot of good information. There is a problem though. Covert narcissists don’t appear narcissistic.    Covert narcissists are…not blatantly narcissistic. In fact, overall seem like a really good person - present as caring, kind, generous, involved in the community, loved by those around them, a great catch They are seemingly the complete opposite of a narcissistic person.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

I now know the role that my own codependent tendencies played in creating this match. This match that I was convinced was made in heaven. This match that I truly believed was perfect. This match that was such a disaster. This match that nearly destroyed my own health and the lives of my boys.I realize now how much my own background played a part in all of this. How that very background could cause me to easily repeat this pattern, like so many do. So many victims leave one abusive relationship and walk directly into another one. I get asked so often, how do I break this cycle of toxic relationships?Start by looking, not at those you are with, but instead directly at yourself. Your own tendencies, your own survival skills, your own reactions, your own expectations, your own boundaries or lack thereof. Let’s look at YOU!NO, this isn't your fault in any way!! You didn't ask for the abuse in any way! But these codependent tendencies make us huge targets for narcissistic people, especially covert narcissists. It is time to break this cycle!! I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  •Are you searching for people who get it?  •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

I am not a therapist, and you are not a victim. I am an advocate, and you are a survivor.   I have faced the massive amounts of confusion  I have been curled up on the floor of my closet unable to function  I have faced all the self-doubt and self-blame. I've never tried so hard in anything in my life as I did at this marriage  This is not a normal relationship, a normal marriage, or a normal breakup.   Fortress Debt can help you gain your financial freedom! www.covertnarcissism.com/fortress   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

The entitlement of a narcissistic person screams, "I am special simply because! I am better than everyone. I am more important than everyone. Everyone knows I am special and should treat me as such."   Individuals with narcissistic tendencies expect special treatment. They feel that good things should come their way simply because of who they are. Not because of anything they have or haven't done, but rather just because they "deserve" it.   They believe that they are superior to others and thus deserve special treatment. They expect more respect and more attention, often demanding treatment that is different from everyone else and not at all reasonable. In fact, it is often quite shocking behavior from a full-grown adult. Where does this entitlement come from? From a deep internal emptiness. We are going to talk about that emptiness, where it comes from and how it plays out with covert narcissists.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  •Are you searching for people who get it?  •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse   http://www.covertnarcissism.com   https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson   https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson   https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Today we're talking about the thousand bee stings in a relationship with a covert narcissist. Actually we are not talking about the thousand bee stings because that's not what the actual problem is. We are talking about what happens between the bee stings. Healthy marriages have bee stings too, but healthy marriages reconcile. With covert narcissists, there is no reconciliation. You are met with circular conversations, silent treatment, blame shifting, gaslighting and passive aggressiveness.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Covert narcissists are experts at passive aggressiveness. They have this down so well. As a victim of the abuse, we are so conditioned that we don’t see it! Cognitive dissonance keeps us blind to so much for so long. I tell you now though, once you start to see what is going on, you cannot unsee it. Once you cross that threshold, you can’t go back. The door behind you closes and locks. Can you put the passive aggressive behavior into words? Can you describe it, define it, explain it? Can you give examples or do they seem to just disappear into the wind? Is it clear in your mind or are you feeling the fog of an abuse victim? Their expertise in passive aggressiveness adds so much to the confusion already happening within a victim’s mind. Covert narcissists often use passive aggressiveness to avoid confrontation, to get their way, to make the other person feel bad, to be able to avoid blame and responsibility. Today, I give you some specific characteristics and examples of passive aggressive behavior. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

Rebecca Zung is a top ranked trial lawyer and globally sought after expert in the art of high conflict negotiation resolution. Speaking on platforms worldwide, she is also a bestselling author of several books including the USA Today National Bestselling book SLAY the Bully: How to Negotiate with a Narcissist and Win. In this episode, she shares her views on negotiating with a covert narcissist.   For more information on her program, check out her site here.   Crush My Negotiation Prep Worksheet (Free Ebook to give away to listeners - 15 pages) www.winmynegotiation.com YOUTUBE CHANNEL: https://www.youtube.com/rebeccazungesq  INSTAGRAM - @REBECCAZUNG   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com  Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

I was so excited for the day that my husband was to move out of our home. I just knew how happy I would be. You could not erase the smile off my face as he was loading his last load. Finally!! This day was here. He would no longer be in my home. My home!! That sounded so amazing. He drove off with his last things. I just knew I would be dancing in the street.But I wasn’t. I was overwhelmed with emotions I didn’t expect. I dropped on my bed and sobbed. I cried for many days. Why? This isn’t what I expected. My heart was heavy. My stomach was a wreck. My mind was numb. My emotions were all over the place. My body simply did not want to function.But I thought I would be rejoicing. I had been looking forward to this day for so long. Why am I not happy? Why am I not relieved and peaceful? Is something wrong with me? Did I make a wrong choice? Was I happier in the relationship? Should I call him back? Is something wrong with me?I’m Renee Swanson, your host of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Today we are talking about the shock your system goes through when the relationship finally ends. These mixed-up emotions can cause great confusion, leading many victims to break no contact and jump back into the relationship. Learning about them, identifying them, and building skills to handle them is vital to your journey of healing!!  I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. •Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  •Are you searching for people who get it?  •Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  •Are you running in circles in your mind? •Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  •Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Narcissistic people need two dominant things: supply and scapegoats. They need someone who cares for their every need and want. This supply feeds their ego, boosting them up, laughing at all of their jokes, hanging on every word they say, and giving them all of their attention. In addition, they need scapegoats. Nothing is ever their fault, so they need somewhere for their blame to go, all the time. Everything that has ever gone wrong in their life is to be blamed on someone or something else.   Covert narcissistic individuals zero in on one person. They become laser focused on YOU. What you are thinking, what you are doing, who you are with, and what you are saying. They have picked you out as the target of their attention and thus your whole world must now center around them. They don’t want the attention of everyone in the room, but they certainly want ALL of your attention. In the same way, covert narcissists don’t need to blame the whole world for their problems. They have you. You become their sole scapegoat. Everything, and I mean everything, is 100% your fault. Not partly your fault, but rather completely your fault. As you naturally pull back from this painful situation, it is only a matter of time before you are no longer their supply, but you are firmly their scapegoat.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Trauma #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #CovertNarcissism #podcast

I get asked frequently, how do I heal from this? How do you ever get over it? How do you move forward? Will I ever trust again? Can I have a healthy relationship? These are excellent questions and they go through the minds of many victims of covert narcissistic abuse. The journey is tortuously painful and can seem completely unending. It feels like it will simply last forever. Not only is there no end in sight, there isn’t even a simple path going forward. If I do this, if I do that, if I go this way, if I go that way. Nothing feels right. Nothing will work. The despair inside the victim of covert narcissism is real! It is deep, overwhelming and suffocating.The day that your eyes first see this abuse was life-changing. That moment of realization that reality is not what you thought. That maybe, just maybe, this isn’t actually your fault. That first hint of realization. This is commonly followed quickly by glimpses of the realization that you also cannot fix this. These glimpses come in and out of awareness in the beginning stages of recognition. But once you start seeing it, you can’t unsee it. Once you start knowing it, you can’t unknow it. But now what do you do? How do you move forward when you feel frozen in fear and uncertainty?   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

"I don't know myself anymore. I don't recognize me. Who am I? I didn't used to be this way. What happened?" Are you asking these questions? Have you become someone that you don't recognize anymore? You are certainly not alone!    The behaviors of covert narcissism are destructive, manipulative, antagonistic, harmful, coercive, abusive, and emotionally violent. These behaviors leave deep wounds in the victims. This changes you, their target, in two dominant ways. The first is that these wounds cause strong protective behaviors in you. This is a very normal human response to an abnormal situation.    The second is that you begin to mirror the very behaviors that you are protecting yourself from. It is not uncommon at all for victims of covert narcissistic abuse to mirror their abusers with the same defensiveness that they are fighting against, and to then be called the narcissist by their abuser. I will be addressing both of these types of responses to abusive behavior in this episode. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism  #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #podcast

Today’s guest is Vanessa Reiser, a narcissistic abuse expert. Vanessa is a mother, author, entrepreneur, 2X Ironman and ground-breaking licensed clinical social worker (LCSW), specializing in narcissistic and cult abuse. She is also the founder of Tell a Therapist, LLC and is best known for her run across the state of New York (285 miles in 11 days) in a wedding dress to raise awareness for narcissistic abuse.  She also subsequently ran across NJ, CT & MA.  Her insights are both personal and professional, giving her a unique lens into this insidious form of domestic abuse.   You can find her at: Instagram:  @vanessareiserlcsw  Website:  tellatherapist.net   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Bullying is not a kid’s problem. Someone recently said to me that it is. They said that we deal with bullies in our childhood. Teen years, there may be a few bullies here and there, but not really. By adulthood, we are past all that kid stuff. That got me thinking. Really? Are we really past all the bullying behavior in adulthood?   So I looked up the definition of bullying. Bullying is the use of force, coercion, hurtful teasing or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate or intimidate. The behavior is often repeated and habitual. I stopped reading right there and thought, that is exactly what covert narcissism is. This is bullying! The definition goes on, "One essential prerequisite is the perception of an imbalance of physical or social power. This imbalance distinguishes bullying from conflict."    So I started my research. Is narcissistic behavior within the home, between adults, a form of bullying?   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism    #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #podcast

When friends and family members don't understand the abuse we are enduring from covert narcissism, this adds to the pain and confusion we are already experiencing. Their dismissiveness of the abusive behavior only compounds our frustration. They often dismiss it, not to add to our pain, but in an attempt to keep the peace and move on. When our loved ones see the small glimpses of abusive behavior, they conclude that these are isolated events and suggest that we treat them as such. However, we know that these are a continuous pattern of toxic behaviors. These single events trigger an entire bucket of memories, as well as a flood of anticipated repeated behaviors.   In this episode, Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks discuss the effects of the dismissive attitudes of our loved ones. In this discussion, they explore the things we wish that our loved ones could understand about what we are experiencing. Grasping the whole picture is hard enough for the victim who is living with the covert narcissist. It is nearly impossible for those on the outside. Keep digging into the research and exploring the concepts of covert narcissism.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #podcast

I sure don't need a diagnosis to know what I've been through. When I first read the words about covert narcissism, I immediately knew that I had found an answer to what was going on. The words resonated SO deeply in my heart that it was both painful and freeing. When the words line up, you just know it. When you read or hear something that describes exactly what you have been living through, you recognize it for what it is. Instantly. The words simply connect with something deep inside you.    In fact, when you read it or hear it, you feel as though this is something you have always known. Well, that’s because you have. You just have not yet had the words to describe it and talk about it. I didn't need to ponder them. I already had been for years. I didn't need examples. I had already had plenty. But I did need the validation! I did need the language to describe what I already knew.   For more on the topic of diagnosing a narcissist, don't miss Dr. Ramani's excellent video. I talk about it in my podcast, and here is the link to watch it. Say THIS to people who tell you not to "diagnose" narcissists     I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Listening to some music the other day, a song came on that really spoke to me. It was by Jelly Roll and titled “I Am Not Okay.” I can’t speak for Jelly Roll, but as a victim of covert narcissism, these lyrics could not have been more fitting.     I am not okay I'm barely getting by I'm losing track of days  I'm losing sleep at night I am not okay I'm hanging on the rails So if I say I'm fine just know I learned to hide it well.   I know I can't be the only one who's holding on for dear life But I know God knows when it's all said and done I'm not okay, but it's all gonna be alright It's not okay, but we're all gonna be alright.   I woke up today I almost stayed in bed I had the devil on my back voices in my head Some days it all ain't bad  Some days it all gets worse Some days I swear I'm better off laying in the dirt. ~ Song lyrics from "I Am Not Okay," by Jelly Roll     In this episode of the Covert Narcissism Podcast, host Renee Swanson delivers a powerful message inspired by the song lyrics of Jelly Roll's new hit single "I Am Not Okay." Renee reflects on her past of being married to a covert narcissist while allowing the song lyrics to help her explain and reflect on her past.    I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

If you ever want a covert narcissist to talk about you, point out something they have done that upset you. See how their language changes. They live a very me-focused life. Until you come to that moment in the conversation where an apology from them should be. Then their script changes, and they become very you-focused. "You made me mad. You hurt my feelings. You told me to help you." As soon as you take their bait and start defending yourself, then the language switches back to their me-focused attitude. "I can't believe you would treat me that way. I am so upset. No one has ever treated me this way before." This flip of the switch is an extremely passive aggressive way to hide the psychological and emotional abuse that you are enduring. It is so subtle that victims often don't even see it.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #narcissist #podcast

THIS WAS NEVER ABOUT YOU!! •The way they talk to you •The way they treat you •The reactions they have •The looks •The silent treatment •The circular conversations from •The abuse •All of it   It was never about you. You need to know that. You need to hear what I am saying. If you want to find healing inside of you, this is so vitally important. This experience you have been through, the pain, the anguish, the anxiety, none of it had anything to do with you. I’m Renee Swanson, creator of the Covert Narcissism Podcast. You need to hear what I am saying today!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

Time doesn't heal all wounds, effort does. You can't lay around and wait for a broken leg to heal. It takes doctor visits and physical therapy visits. If you just wait for time to heal it, you will face residual pain and issues for the rest of your life. Negative feelings are normal along the way, such as regret, frustration, self-judgment, despair, impatience and caution. An abused and beaten heart is no different. Time won't heal it. It takes effort, purposeful healing and work. Get on the journey of healing and start taking one step at a time.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

When you’ve been living with a covert narcissist for many years, your self-care is almost non-existent. You don’t have the time, energy, mental capacity, or freedom to take care of yourself. Any efforts at self-care may have been labeled as selfish. Over the years, you've paid a high price for trying to even do the bare minimum of caring for yourself. It just isn't worth the price. Robbing you of the right to care for yourself is abuse! No one should ever have the right to take that away from you. Self-care is a beautiful part of life. In this episode, Eleanor Marks and Renee Swanson explore ways to reclaim that self-care. Tiny steps forward are momentous. Celebrate these.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

"I love you" does not mean the same thing coming out of a covert narcissist as it does when you say it. For non-narcissistic people, "I love you" means I care about your thoughts and feelings. I love when you are happy, peaceful and relaxed. I want what is best for you. I care about you.   For a covert narcissist, "I love you" is not quite the same. For them, it means I love how YOU make ME feel. I love what you do for ME. I love the attention that you give ME. I love it when you are happy with ME. I care about your thoughts and feelings about ME. I want what is best for you, and it is 100 percent ME.   When talking with a covert narcissist, they are absolutely using a different language than we are.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism   #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

Survivors of covert narcissistic abuse feel like they are going crazy. They often tell me that they are losing their mind. They don’t know which end is up, what reality is or what to do next. They are often frozen in self-doubt and confusion. This is because of cognitive dissonance. In this episode, I am going to help you understand what cognitive dissonance is, why it happens, and what to do about it. Cognitive dissonance is when a single individual holds conflicting attitudes or beliefs within themselves. This goes hand in hand with living with a covert narcissist. It creates that fog that you hear so many talk about. Coming out of the fog is coming out of the cognitive dissonance. You have forgotten what life is supposed to feel like. You have forgotten how to relax and enjoy the beauty of life. You have forgotten what it feels like to be you! It is time to remind yourself!! I wish you much peace on your journey of healing!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Trauma causes people to make changes in the way they interact with their world. Emotional abuse is traumatic. It takes away one's perception of safety. When we experience trauma, our system will work hard to re-establish a perceived sense of safety. Thus we pick up survival skills that can become walls between us and others. What behaviors do we pick up in response to covert narcissistic abuse? What about our kids? What traits are they picking up?   It is so crucial to do some trauma healing, for yourself and then learn to help your children. I have recently become certified in trauma coaching. I do offer individual trauma-informed coaching. It’s time to help our kids while they are still young. I will be focusing more on this in my podcast. Visit my website at http://www.covertnarcissism.com It’s time to break these cycles. I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism    #Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #podcast

Financial abuse and manipulation can come with the appearance of being loving and caring. Covert narcissists will say that they are doing this “for your own good.” In the guise of helping you, they use and abuse you. At the same time though, there is just enough truth in what they are saying to convince you that they are right. This tiny speck of truth activates your compassion, causing you to feel guilty for doubting them or questioning them. Instead you take all the blame and work harder to fix your perspective.   In this guest episode, Crystal shares her story of financial abuse. In her words he was a “serial entrepreneur who gave her a great sales pitch.”    I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #financialabuse

Today, we have the author of The Human Magnet Syndrome, Ross Rosenberg. I talk with him about his new book, The Codependency Revolution: Fixing What Was Always Broken.  What is this monster called codependency that no one seems to understand? It is so hard to understand narcissism, and it is equally hard to understand codependency. In Ross’s words, “I see codependency as a relationship problem, not an individual problem. A codependent is defined by their choice of relationship partners. To understand codependency, you have to understand pathological narcissism.” On this dive down the rabbit hole of narcissism, let’s also dig into the concept of codependency.   https://www.selfloverecovery.com/   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

In this episode, our guest talks about the financial abuse she endured in a lengthy marriage with children. No matter how many failures or the depth of the failures, covert narcissists will always find someone or something to blame. Scapegoating accompanies the financial abuse, as they blame you for their financial struggles. They simply cannot carry any of the blame themselves. It is never a shared responsibility. You, their supply at one point in time, are often the main target of their scapegoating and the main victim of their financial abuse.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #Parenting #covertnarcissism #abuse #gaslighting #narcissism #covertnarcissist

I’m mad! So I yell at you, punch the wall, storm off, stomp my feet, shove the chair, and slam the bedroom door! I don’t care that you don’t like it! I don’t care that you now feel bad. In fact, I’m going to wait in my room until you come and apologize to me! Who am I? I'm a 2 year old toddler throwing a fit, or a teenager dealing with hormones, social anxiety, and overwhelming schoolwork, or a full-grown covert narcissistic adult. How do you handle the situation? For the 2 year old, you parent them. You take away their favorite toy, have them take a time out, and let them know that this behavior is not okay. You talk with them about emotions. Help them to learn how to handle being angry, and tell them that you love them. For the teenager, you probably ground them. Take away their phone and the car, can’t spend time with their friends. Cancel their fun events. And encourage them to make amends. You talk with them about how their behaviors affect those around them, trying to help them to see outside of themselves. And you try to connect with them and you tell them that you love them. For the covert narcissistic adult, you tiptoe around them. Figure out what set them off and add that to your checklist of things to make sure never happen again. After countless attempts of trying to connect with them, resulting only in circular conversations, you instead wait for this behavior to disappear, for the abuse amnesia to set in, and you both pretend that it never happened. The problem is this behavior is the same from a 2 year old, to a teenager, to a full-grown adult. Understandable from a toddler, expected from a teenager, and shocking from an adult.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Dr. Melissa Kalt, M.D. specializes in removing the trauma of narcissistic abuse from the body. She brings so much insight to the topic, and I thoroughly enjoyed interviewing her for our audience. This interview is extremely informative and helpful. Dr. Melissa is a graduate of the Medical College of Wisconsin – triple-board-certified in Internal Medicine, Pediatrics, and Lipidology. She was voted to the US Best Doctors™ list by her peers year over year 2009-2018. While single parenting five children, Dr Melissa was promoted from staff physician to Assistant Clinical Professor to Medical Site Director of three clinics at Froedtert and Medical College of Wisconsin, an academic medical institution. By 2012, Dr Melissa had achieved every goal on her over-achiever to-do list yet was miserable. She began an extraordinary journey that solved her most unsolvable problem. It all started with the question - What if life doesn’t have to be this way? The answer - Connect to the truth of who you are. Dr Melissa got really clear about who she was, who she needed to be, and what needed to change. She identified, then extracted herself from several narcissistic relationships and committed to healing her family’s trauma. By extracting the illusion and getting clear about the truth of who she was – everything changed. In 2018, Dr Melissa made the leap to expand beyond the limits of traditional medicine and left her 20+ year medical career to follow her Why. That same year, she found her forever partner in love and business, whom she married in 2019.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

In this chat time with Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks, these two discuss two questions brought by Covert Narcissism Podcast listeners. They each share their answer to this question, “Looking back, when do you wish you would have left? Is there a time that you “wish” you would have filed for divorce sooner?”   The second question they dive into is “Please discuss the isolating dynamics of a covert narcissistic relationship.” In their answer, they talk about two aspects of this question. Covert narcissists isolate you from others with their tactics of manipulation, gaslighting, blame shifting and victim role. In addition to this, victims isolate themselves out of survival and for their own protection in these antagonistic relationships.   Learn more about the group program with these two ladies here   https://www.covertnarcissism.com/group-course   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism  #covertnarcissism #podcast #abuse #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissist #narcissism

Covert narcissism is messed up! It is so twisted you feel like you are going insane just trying to get a grasp on what’s going on. It is so hard to pinpoint and impossible to describe. You can’t possibly explain it to someone who hasn’t experienced it themselves. Trying to makes you sound crazy, even to yourself. So now you question your own sanity. It is mind-boggling and exhausting. Many victims collapse into a pile of nothing and give up. I don’t blame them. I have been there many times. I know that pain firsthand.The covert narcissist is a master at appearing innocent, kind, compassionate, generous, sincere, benevolent, and much more. To the world, they look not only normal, but even better. They could convince Mother Teresa that they are the perfect spouse. Yet underneath that, in the most subtle ways, they treat people with contempt, disregard, hatred, condescension, disdain, antipathy, and much more. I felt like one minute I understood and the very next it was gone. It was like I was trying to grasp the wind. One minute it made sense, and the next minute I had no idea.If I was struggling this much to understand it, how in the world could I expect my friends to understand it. So why do we try SO hard to understand? Why do we research like crazy? Googling, reading, listening, watching. I didn’t work this hard when I was in school, and I was a dedicated student. But this? This I was absorbing 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, trying so hard to figure out what was going on and why.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Kids desire and NEED to feel safe and cared for. When their parent who is their safety and caregiver suffers, they suffer as well. If you think that you are hiding this abuse from your kids, you are wrong. Our kids see it, and they feel it.   Children put their own defense mechanisms in place. These include living in denial, shutting it all out, disassociating, distracting themselves, putting up harsh boundaries with anger and temper, and protecting you by taking on parental roles. These defense mechanisms are harmful to our kids. They lack of life experience causes them to not see it and to not know that this isn't normal or healthy. Listen to the full episode for ideas on how to help our kids.    I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

"I felt that I was the only one who was uncomfortable with his behavior." In this episode, Sarene speaks of her experience in the work environment of Rolling Stone magazine from over 10 years ago. This individual no longer works at Rolling Stone, and in Sarene's words, "I can't speak for Rolling Stone and its work culture for the past ten years. But I can speak to my experience from 2007 to 2014." She describes the toxic work environment and the effect it had on her. "Jann Wenner fueled the boys' club attitude...The reason that my boss treated me the way that he did was because of Jann Wenner's attitude."   When surrounded with a work environment that ignored the passive aggressive gestures of her boss, Sarene questioned her own perspective and feelings. Her coworkers tolerated and even rewarded the inexcusable behavior of their boss to further their own career. But Sarene simply could not do that. She began putting boundaries in place and was shocked at the fallout. Her story is compelling and inspiring. Hearing her share how she stood her ground and flourished from the choices she made is encouraging in this world of narcissistic abuse.   To learn more about Sarene's work, check out these links. "Emotional Abuse Is Real" podcast: https://emotionalabuseisreal.buzzsprout.com/   Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sareneleedswrites/Website: sareneleedswrites.com   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

“I’m in my second marriage and married almost 2 years. I’m realizing he’s a covert narcissist. I am mad at myself because I didn’t think I’d find myself here again, and now learning so much on codependency. I’m on a roller coaster. I have caught him in so many lies. I don’t know why I try to get him to admit it when I know it’s constant lies. I am feeling so much in my chest, and it’s building. He does nice things for me and when I don’t show appreciation adequately he gets weird, like I didn’t show it correctly. I can’t define this ache in my chest but it’s building. Like a scream that can’t come out. I know I need to leave, but I’m frozen. How do I move forward?   “How did you keep your resolve? I've made steps toward leaving: working with a therapist, saving money, looking for a new place to live, and consulting an attorney. Attorneys advise that if you want to keep your rights to the property DON'T LEAVE IT. Instead, ask the other person how ending the relationship is going to look with the house, child custody, etc first. In keeping with the legal advice, I TOLD HIM a couple of weeks ago that I wanted to separate and asked what dealing with the house and agreeing on child custody would look like. We argued for several hours and then he backed down and essentially changed the subject (not the first time this tactic has been used). Since then, things are going OK - more peaceful and he is acknowledging when he's doing SOME things that perpetuate arguments between us and backing off - and yet I find I don't care and still want out. Is this time of peace a ruse? Another manipulation? How did you stick to your plans once you made them and the covert narcissist started "behaving", for lack of a better word?”   http://www.covertnarcissism.com   https://eleanormarks.net/   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

In this episode, Caryn Dixon tells her story publicly for the first time. Like so many others, she was in that yo-yo relationship. On again and off again. Thinking “this is over” only to give him one more chance. Trapped by hope and the belief that he will change, Caryn dug in to save her marriage many times.  There is nothing wrong with you for choosing to believe in the person you married, for wanting to work things out with them, for fighting for the relationship, for hanging onto hope. These are not the signs that one is broken. The signs that we have been broken by this person are when our hope is gone, when we don’t have anything left, when we just don’t care anymore. That is our breaking point. In sharing her story, Caryn gives a message of hope. She followed her heart and is chasing her dreams now. No matter how isolated you are, you can get through this. It is time to reach out for help and find the support that you need.  From her song, “Here I am,”  “They told me that I couldn’t fly. Gave a million reasons why I shouldn’t try. But I didn’t listen. Well, I stumbled and I hit the ground. Get up and go another round. So here I am.”   https://www.caryndixonmusic.com/   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism    #abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

Have you ever called a covert narcissist out for something they have done? How did it go?  While every situation is different, so many stories from victims of covert narcissistic abuse are the same. It is as though we are all talking about the same person. The similarities are shocking! In this episode, I explore 7 ways that covert narcissists often react when you tell them how you feel about something, especially about something they did or said. These range from instant frustration and anger aimed at you to self-deprecating comments aimed at them. You get everything from narcissistic rage to narcissistic collapse. Throw into this mix gaslighting and silent treatments. This can be quite a roller coaster. And it all began because you asked them to take the trash out!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

In this chat with Eleanor Marks and Renee Swanson, they address somes questions brought to them in the Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group. One member said that she is wondering about helpful things to know when dealing with an attorney who only understands the general ‘narcissist’ definition but not all the underlying behavior issues that compose a covert narcissist. This is a very tough situation, especially in today's world where courts won't even allow you to say the word 'narcissist.' That word is thrown around too much and this takes away from those who have truly suffered at the hands of a narcissist. How do we address this with our attorneys?   Another member asked about the actual leaving part, especially with kids. She asked for examples of exit plans and what the actual day or week look like. She is also "very curious of the articulate child’s reflection of splitting time between a chaotic covert narcissistic parent and a more stable parent."   This path is a very personal path with a lot of circumstances to consider. If you would like to meet individually with Renee Swanson for coaching specific to dealing with a covert narcissist and for strategies for helping your kids through this, please visit her website to schedule an individual session. CNG Life Coaching Sessions — Community n' Grace   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

Understanding the difference between compassion and empathy is important for anyone who is dealing with a non-empathetic person, such as a covert narcissist. Compassion and empathy are both in response to the emotions and needs of another person. Both involve some level of awareness of the other person’s needs.  By definition, compassion is the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another’s suffering and are motivated to relieve that suffering. Covert narcissists can have this and often do compassionate acts, especially when motivated by outside factors. When they do however, it seems to be empty and have no substance behind it.   Empathy, by definition, is the ability to sense other people’s emotions, coupled with the ability to imagine what someone else might be thinking or feeling. This is lacking with covert narcissistic people and leaves a trail of hurt, neglect and abandonment.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism  #abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

Today, we welcome Brandon Chadwick as a guest on the Covert Narcissism Podcast. Brandon has his own podcast called, The Narcissist Apocalypse Podcast. In his podcast, Brandon shares a variety of stories from survivors of narcissistic abuse. These stories are raw and unfiltered examples of dealing with this type of abuse and the effects of it. In today’s episode, you are invited to listen in on a conversation between Brandon and Renee about how they each got started on this journey. Both Brandon and Renee share a passion for helping our world in the midst of this narcissistic nightmare and there passion began in different places. We know you will enjoy hearing this conversation. Welcome Brandon!   For more information on Brandon's work, check out these links below narcissistapocalypse@gmail.com   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism https://narcissistapocalypse.com/   Instagram - @narcissistapocalypse Youtube - @narcissistapocalypse264 Podcast - Narcissist Apocalypse https://lnk.to/domesticabuse

Covert narcissists are bullies as parents, and their impact on the children is traumatic and long-lasting. For those listening who were raised by a covert narcissistic parent, identifying these effects within you is vital. This allows you to start that process of no longer blaming yourself and healing that internal shame. You do matter! You are good enough! This is not your fault!   For those listening who are parenting with a covert narcissistic parent, please learn the effects this is having on your children. You will see these signs in them. They will need your help in identifying them and working through them. Your kids do matter! They are good enough! This is certainly not their fault!   3 effects of Covert Narcissistic Parenting 1. While the child knows that perfect does not exist, it is still their goal. 2. The child holds others around them to that same level of perfect as well. 3. The child cannot handle criticism.   In this episode, I explore these effects in greater detail. In upcoming episodes, I will give you strategies on how to work through these effects and find healing for the trauma within.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism #abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism #bullying

When children have a narcissistic parent, they are being parented by a bully. They cannot possibly escape this situation. They cannot make sense out of it. They cannot reach out for help. Dealing with a bully is traumatic and harmful.   Here are three effects that narcissistic parenting, bully parenting, has on their children. 1. While the child knows that perfect does not exist, it is still their goal. 2. The child holds others around them to that same level of perfect as well. 3. The child cannot handle criticism.   If you are parenting with a covert narcissistic partner, your kids are confused and hurting. But one genuine, honest, open, unconditional relationship with you is enough to help them break through that confusion. In the upcoming Sunday episode, I will explore the effects of this bullying in greater detail, as well as give you ways that you can help your kids through this difficult scenario. I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.   #abuse #covertnarcissism #podcast #gaslighting #marriedtoanarcissist #narcissism

Let’s say I’m a covert narcissist, and I’m looking for a partner. Who am I looking for? I believe that I am the best thing ever, that I am right all the time, that my opinion is all that matters.  So who do I need? I need someone who doubts themselves.   The best victim of gaslighting is someone who doubts themselves. One piece that makes someone quite vulnerable to gaslighting and manipulation is when their own sense of self is too reliant on the opinions of others. When we put too much weight in the belief of others to the detriment of our own belief in ourselves.  What does it look like when our self-image is reliant on other people? Who am I becomes who do people think I am. What do they think about me? Do they like to be around me? Am I helpful to them? Do they think I did a bad job? Do they think I’m too angry, too happy, too emotional, not emotional enough and so on? Turning off this deferment to other people for our own belief in ourselves is a giant step in making yourself more narcissist resilient. Your greatest ally against narcissistic abuse is yourself!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Not only do victims of covert narcissistic abuse not see the abuse, they often join the abuser in abusing themselves. It’s the perfect storm built by this abuser in your life. Their circular conversations, projection, blame shifting, guilt manipulating, and many other tactics leave you, the victim, in complete confusion.You accept the projecting, blaming and guilting. You defend yourself but the circular conversations convince you that you are wrong. Ultimately, you decide that maybe you are the problem. You blame yourself. You make it all your fault. You do everything you can to fix it.You hold yourself to unreasonable standards and expectations. While the covert narcissist in your life sits and watches.You are brainwashed into hating yourself. You squash your own self-esteem without even realizing what is going on.The self-abuse must stop! You do deserve the help and support! You are worthy of your own love and care. I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

In this Q&A session with Renee Swanson and Eleanor Marks, we answer two questions from the Covert Narcissism Facebook Group. How do you deal with the golden child and help them to unlearn concerning narcissistic traits without disparaging the other parent? How do you maintain a relationship with said child when also trying to protect yourself and heal from the narcissistic abuse trauma?   These are tough questions that so many people in our world are struggling with. Whether a child is used as the golden child, the scapegoat, or some combination of the two, these kids do pick up some narcissistic traits of their own. This is a protective survival reaction to not feeling emotional or psychologically safe. Even in homes without a narcissistic parent, kids will still go through phases of not feeling safe to be themselves and thus pick up some narcissistic traits. This is especially true in the teenage years.   We address these questions in this episode. Thank you to our member for the questions and to everyone who is working to make our world a better place. I wish you much peace on your journey of healing!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

f you don't tell me to do it, then it is your fault that it didn't get done. If you tell me to do it, then it is your fault if it doesn't go right.Have you ever heard these words or experienced these attitudes? Covert narcissists are SO good at dodging responsibility.I used to wonder why he wouldn’t even choose the restaurant for our dinner. Many years later, I discovered that he wouldn’t choose so that nothing could ever be his fault. Why would he not make the plans for our vacation? But yet he would be so mad at me for the plans I made. He would not make the plans so that nothing would ever be his fault. And yet he would be mad at me because everything was my fault.He didn’t help do the chores around the house because he didn’t want to do it wrong and make me mad. So he just did nothing! In his mind, then I could not be mad at him because he didn’t do anything wrong.Blame shifting is a common weapon for a covert narcissist. If you are listening to this today - stop taking the blame for their faults. Stop taking responsibility for their stuff. You are not doing them or yourself any favors. They have their life to live. They have their own to answer for. Don’t let them lay this on your shoulders anymore!!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

We all have an immune system inside us. Its purpose is to fight harmful substances that enter the body. It builds a defense against invaders by keeping a record of every germ it has ever defeated so it can recognise and destroy the invading germ quickly if it ever enters the body again. This drastically limits the amount of harm an invader can do if they do manage to get in. In order to function properly, the immune system has to be able to tell the difference between invader cells and non-invader cells. So the system is constantly learning and evolving.   So what if we had a narcissist immune system? An adaptive system that learns about previous exposure and protects us going forward. You already have this type of system. Let's learn how to maximize its potential! It is time to build narcissist resiliency.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Narcissism is not a clear cut issue. It isn’t a yes or no answer. It is an extremely complicated issue. One minute you can feel like you have a grasp on it, and the next minute that grasp simply disappears. You can think you finally understand it and then be at a loss for words in trying to explain it to someone else. “I got it. This makes sense,” you think. The next day you wake up, and everything is all jumbled up again. What really is narcissism? Is this really how he/she is acting? Are they or are they not a narcissist? Yes they are! Well, maybe they aren’t. No, they can’t be. Yes, they definitely are! Around and around we go inside our own heads. Narcissism is not a pass/fail test. It isn’t you either are or you aren’t. It just isn’t that simple.Narcissism is on a spectrum, with extreme codependency on one end and extreme narcissism on the other. In a very simplified explanation, codependency is putting everyone else’s needs far above your own, unable to care for your own needs. Narcissism is putting your own needs far above anyone else’s, unable to care for anyone else’s needs.This spectrum is not static. People fluctuate on it. Just because you see narcissistic traits does not automatically mean your partner or family member is a narcissist. Equally true, just because you see some compassionate moments does not automatically mean that this person is not a narcissist.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

In this brand new series, I am doing a Q&A session with Eleanor Marks. We are answering questions that come directly from my Facebook group, Covert Narcissism Group. Today we begin with two questions.   John asks for tips and help on recovery in the early part of this journey, for help on how to heal. Self-care is crucial when it comes to healing. Doing things such as journaling, meditating, and educating yourself are all vital steps on this journey. Challenging our own imperative thinking, such as "I should this or that," "I must do this better," and so on, takes the pressure off our own shoulders and gives us the breathing space we need for healing.   Maren asks I would like to know how best to handle a child who is so worried about hurting her father's feelings that she'll lie to not make him feel sad. He apparently feels sad quite frequently and she feels responsible. Our kids go through much of the same confusion that we do. They work extra hard to keep the peace with the narcissistic parent too. Unlike adults, they do not have the life experience to figure out what is going on. Their cognitive dissonance lasts much longer. Finding ways to validate the compassion inside of them while also helping them to not taking responsibility for the manipulative parent is a tricky balance. One that will ebb and flow throughout the developing years of a child.   These are great questions. I hope you benefit from the episode. We will be doing more of these joint sessions. Join the Facebook group to follow the conversations there. https://www.facebook.com/groups/covertnarcissism   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Today’s guest Dave shares his enjoyment is trimming the bushes in front of his house because now it is HIS house. After going through over two years of the divorce process, he finds peace for himself and his kids. He admits that it is incredibly difficult to celebrate this as he is flooded with sadness at the trajectory of his marriage. At the same time, though, he chooses to embrace the quiet peacefulness of his home.   The CNG group coaching session was pivotal for him. He began these groups just as he was beginning his discovery of covert narcissism and continued through much of his divorce process. During this time, he discovered the incredible value in helping others who are living this. As you are removed from the emotional heaviness of someone else’s situation, gaining perspective on their situation is easier to do. At the same time, it helps you to see your own situation in a new light.   For more information on the CNG group coaching sessions, please visit www.covertnarcissism.com   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Welcome back. I am again talking about covert narcissism, and in specific, parenting with a partner who is showing the traits of covert narcissism. These kids go through a lot. Everyone has wounds from childhood. This is true. But the more educated we can become about the types of wounds and specific nature of the wounds, the better we are able to heal our own wounds and also the better we are able to help our children.   I cannot express enough how important it is to live a life of growth, recovery, healing, self-reflection, accountability, vulnerability in front of your kids. Children learn by mimicking those around them. They copy behaviors to find what works for them and what doesn’t.  So in this situation, you already have one parent who is manipulative, coercive, controlling, passive aggressive, hyper sensitive, overly reactive, and taking no personal responsibility. Often in these homes, the non-narcissistic parent over-compensates. We try to control what our kids see and experience. We try to fix everything. We try to deny the reality that they are already living with the narcissistic parent in an effort to protect them from it. We try to be “perfect” for them. What we are missing though is that our kids don’t need perfect, they need human!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Memories can absolutely haunt victims of covert narcissistic abuse for years!! They trigger us, causing massive internal reactions. Anxiety, tension, pain in the gut, shaking, twitching, upset stomach, increased blood pressure and heart rate, panic attacks, and so on.All of this from a simple memory that still haunts you today. This is PTSD and can create problems for years, decades, even the rest of your life.December 2nd was a significant day in my world with my covert narcissistic husband, who is now my ex. This year I was purposeful about breaking those memories and turning that date around in my world. Here is my story!!Remember, you are stronger than you know! You can break these internal chains too! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Covert narcissistic parenting has a massive effect on our children! It leaves gaping holes in their development, which can haunt them for the rest of their lives. And they have NO clue in the early years. They don’t see the abuse in those really young ages, but they certainly feel it. Kids aren’t stupid, They know how they feel. They experience their feelings, even if they can’t verbalize them yet. They know when they feel loved and when they don’t. They know when they feel accepted and validated and when they don’t. But they are missing one key ability, the ability to lay blame where blame belongs. There seems to be a pre-written script that will play out in most of these kids' lives, if not all. They will blame themselves, and this self-blame is so incredibly damaging!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

I'm drowning in a world of narcissism. I think about it the minute I wake up, all day long, and the last thought before I fall asleep. It is all consuming. Never in my life have I ever absorbed as much information as I have on covert narcissism. I have watched every video, read every book, listened to every podcast, talked to anyone who would listen.  I just can't think about this any longer. Not one more thought. I just don't have it in me. I have nothing left! I can’t read another word! I have no room left in my brain. No space for one single thought more. It’s full. I’m full. I’m done. I need a break! But how? I don’t even know how to stop thinking about it, about him, about the abusive behaviors, the why, the how, the kids, the effects. How do I turn my brain off for a while?   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

"I am the mom! I know everything and am right about everything." "I am the dad! I know how to handle life. Don’t tell me what to do."   It is true that parents know more than kids, yes. It is also true that parents have more life experience and thus can reason through things more than kids can. Sure. However, parents don’t know everything. They are not always right. Unless of course, you are a covert narcissist. Covert narcissists hide behind images that they believe give them superiority and status. Becoming a parent simply adds to their label repertoire. They wear that parent label as though it now means they are the dominant ruler of their kingdom, and the kids pay a price for this.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Kathleen bought into the sales pitch of the top notch salesman. He sold himself to her with great sales pitches, carrying the "same" interests, beliefs and values. He seemed so caring and altruistic. She thought, "Wow, this is a prince of a guy." As time went by, she came to the realization that, like his job, she was simply another conquest for him. He was not the guy she thought he was.    The salesman approach continued to infiltrate their marriage as he continued to sell himself to her. His smooth sales pitches repeatedly convinced her that he was right and that his way was best. Kathleen spent years spinning in circles, buying into his pitch over and over.    Until the day, in a 40 year marriage, that she said, "No more!"   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

“I divorced a narcissist 10 years ago and now I am married to another one! How in the world did that happen??”   I have talked to so many people who have gone from one narcissistic relationship to another. Finally divorced one narcissist only to find themselves in a relationship with yet another one. For some this may even be a lifetime of many narcissistic relationships. The thought of being trapped in another relationship with a narcissist is terrifying! How do I keep this from happening? Do I just need to stay single for the rest of my life? How will I ever know that they are not a narcissist, especially when I never saw the covert narcissist that was right in front of me?   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

When dealing with covert narcissism, it is so difficult to give yourself permission to set boundaries, physically, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. Yet those boundaries are so vitally important! Within those boundaries comes healing and hope!

Learning the signs of narcissistic mirroring gives you the knowledge you need to keep from being hooked by it. Victim switching, inconsistencies in their behaviors, lack of self and fast intense connections are all things to watch out for. Learn what to do when you see signs of mirroring to help build healthier relationships. Build your own sense of self and get back in touch with your own intuition. Prioritize your self care and set healthy boundaries around who you are. Your own strong and healthy sense of self is the beautiful YOU!

When dealing with covert narcissism, it is so difficult to give yourself permission to set boundaries, physically, emotionally, mentally, and psychologically. Yet those boundaries are so vitally important! Within those boundaries comes healing and hope!

How did I get stuck in an exploitative and manipulative relationship?  Entitlement, power trips, jealousy, guilt trips, manipulation, passive aggressiveness, dishonesty, gaslighting!!   How did I get here? How is it that I am living with this on a daily basis, even excusing it, downplaying it, and justifying it? How did I come to accept this behavior as normal?   Narcissistic mirroring is defined as a manipulation tactic used by narcissistic individuals to create a false sense of connection with another person by mimicking their thoughts, feelings, interests, or behaviors. It is a calculated and intentional act to activate the other person's feelings of empathy and cause them to feel connected to the narcissist. It is a manipulation to lure their target in and to earn their trust, for their own self-interest and gain.

An overt narcissist uses couples therapy to improve on the outside. However, the inner traits of narcissism remain and in fact become more refined. Putting on the mask to hide the narcissism simply shows up now as passive aggressiveness and covert narcissism. Narcissists can appear to be doing the work and getting better. Sometimes this just means they are hiding the entitlement, arrogance, superiority and contempt more effectively. The underlying issues still exist. Therapy often helps them to become more covert, keeping us trapped in the belief that they are getting better for years to come.

Chameleons change colors according to their environment or their intentions. They change colors to attract mates and to tell intruders to stay away. They hide from their prey and they hide from their predators.    A chameleon type covert narcissist is one who uses their image as their basis of manipulation on others. Covert narcissists rely heavily on their image of themselves for the different roles they see themselves in.   They create this image in their head of who they are, and they want others to believe in this image. So they change their color to manipulate those around them into thinking certain things about them. This is different from adaptability and needs to be explored in your education about covert narcissists.

In this episode, Jean shares her story of hope. Looking back in her marriage, she sees the beginning of doubting herself. She was squashed and made to feel unworthy over and over. Along with this, she was so convinced that she needed him, the covert narcissist in her life, and that he was her emotional support. In facing this darkness and its internal effect on her, she found her escape from the suffocating and abusive environment. She realized that the emotional support she needed was inside of her. It had been there all along. The voices of doubt lost their grip on her, and she sees positive in herself now. As the heaviness lifts, doors of new opportunities and great potential have opened. Now, her days begin with brightness and peace.

I’ve worked with children most of my life in different capacities. One of the things they say that bothers me the most is, “They did that ON PURPOSE!”  One kid swinging his arms around in the room. Another child walks by and gets hit by those swinging arms. They run to the teacher and through their tears declare, “They hit me ON PURPOSE.” This is what it is like living with a covert narcissist. Except they are an adult still behaving this way. They are convinced that you have hurt them ON PURPOSE and they refuse to allow reconciliation to be easy if at all.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Being raised to be a “good girl” sets many of us up for a manipulative and abusive marriage. This is Kathy’s story today. She approached this marriage with so much love, compassion and dedication. He used all of this against her. In her escape and recovery, she asks, “Why didn’t he see the goodness in me that I believed was there? Others saw it, but he never did. What I needed to do was to see the goodness myself.” A huge part of our healing is embracing who we are and no longer leaning on them for our own validation. With the strength of a support group around her, she got through this crash and is now embracing a new life. Sure there are phases of anger and bitterness. In working through those phases, one can become more in tune with our ability to love and receive love. It starts with loving ourselves! Her story is a Story of Hope.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

With story after story begin full of pain, confusion, anger and depression, it is time to hear some stories of hope. There is life after narcissism! Peace can be found, not from others, but from within yourself.   I am doing a mini series of guest episodes with Stories of Hope. I start by sharing my own story of hope. After being in the darkest place in my life, I am now living a life full of happiness and peace. I have rich relationships with my family and friends. It isn't perfect, but perfect isn't the goal. I don't want perfect. I want normal!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

This 2-part series on the Narcissist’s prayer serves a guide through the circular conversations and manipulative tactics of a covert narcissist. Each step expresses a ploy used by the covert narcissist to take the pressure off of them and put it onto you. These tactics include gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting and a complete unwillingness to have any give. The covert narcissist might not use these exact words, but the attitudes are definitely conveyed. •That didn't happen. •And if it did, it wasn't that bad. •And if it was, that's not a big deal. •And if it is, that's not my fault. •And if it was, I didn't mean it. •And if I did, you deserved it. They will absolutely blame you for what they did and use illogical arguments to persuade you. These are even delivered with such conviction that you will find yourself fooled. They will spin the direction of the arguments so quickly that you don’t even know what is going on. You are agreeing with them to keep the peace and don’t even know what you are agreeing to. You are left utterly confused, while you are apologizing to them! For something…there’s a good chance you don’t even know for what. Whether you leave or stay is up to you. But make the choice with your eyes open. Know your reality and trust your heart! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

One of the worst things you can say to a victim of covert narcissistic abuse is “every family has their issues. No one is perfect.” Just saying this statement now makes my skin crawl. As a victim of covert narcissistic abuse, when a friend would tell me, well every family has their issues, it completely invalidated everything that I was going through. It was like I now had no room to say anything else about what was going on. I mean what was I going to say, “No they don’t. Everyone else is perfect.” Or - “Oh really? Tell me what issues you have.” And then try to make light of their situation. When these words would come out of someone else's mouth, I felt completely unheard. And that no matter what I said from here, I was going to sound desperate and petty, like a constant complainer, never happy. The message that was communicated to me was that no one was perfect. I wanted to scream, I don't want perfect! That's not what I was after. I did not know the words at the time, but I know them now. I just wanted normal.   Doctor Ramani video referenced in this episode https://youtu.be/Bj5hVoaiKFw?feature=shared   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

That didn't happen.And if it did, it wasn't that bad.And if it was, that's not a big deal.And if it is, that's not my fault.And if it was, I didn't mean it.And if I did, you deserved it. This short verse illustrates the inner workings of a covert narcissist’s mind. This sums up all the circular conversations, gaslighting, denial, guilt manipulation, passive aggressiveness, blame shifting, victim playing, projecting, and absolutely no give of a covert narcissist.The truth is simply whatever serves the narcissist at that particular time. This truth changes as needed, sometimes at a very quick pace. This plays into everything we have been talking about on this podcast. You are left utterly confused, while you are apologizing to them! For something…there’s a good chance you don’t even know what for. You walk away in total confusion, feeling completely unheard, and having no idea where things are with this relationship. Are we good? Are we getting better? Are we making progress? Whether you leave a relationship or stay is up to you. But make the choice with your eyes open. Know your reality and trust your heart! I wish you so much peace on your journey of healing   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

People often come to me and say, “I need to get better at setting boundaries.” Ok, what have you tried so far? I tried telling him/her - I don’t like it when you call me sweetie. I don’t like that name. What happened? He told me, “but it is because you are SO sweet to me and I can’t believe that you have a problem with me showing my gratitude. You know that really hurts.” So now I feel bad for asking him not to call me that. It isn’t that big of a deal. I should be more appreciative. Setting boundaries with a covert narcissist often backfires. They weaponize it against you, causing you to feel guilty for saying anything in the first place. So how do we set boundaries?   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

So how do we build healthy relationships after being with a covert narcissist? How are these trauma responses affecting us still? How do we turn them off?Our trauma responses to an abusive environment are survival skills and natural instincts under threatening circumstances. They range from physical outbursts of yelling and throwing things to internal reactions of shutting down and internalizing everything. These learned behaviors affect our lives drastically and all of our relationships with others.Turning these survival tactics off is crucial to setting yourself up for a more relaxed life and healthy relationships. Learning to relax and trust life again are vital steps to break the cycle of abusive partners and to attract healthier people into your life. Here are some specific tools you need for this journey of healing!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Have you ever been around someone who believes the rules don’t apply to them? Of course you have or you wouldn’t be here listening to me. Do not trespass means they must walk here, even just a step or two. Do not touch means just a little, only one finger. Even stop signs mean don't stop all the way. This lack of honoring boundaries is absolutely a narcissistic trait. And if they won’t follow societal rules of wait in line or speed limits, what makes you think they will observe your boundaries? Why would we think they will listen to and honor our boundaries of "don’t make fun of me, yell at me or call me names?" They won’t. They don’t want to. They don’t even want to wait their turn in a coffee shop. Do you really think they will hear your boundaries?   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Have you ever wondered if you are the narcissist in this relationship? Maybe you have even been accused of it by your abusive partner? Have you seen glimpses within yourself of narcissistic reactions?There are very distinct reasons that you see signs of narcissism in you or your children, and they have to do with the survival skills we have been discussing in this series. No, this does not make you a narcissist! I want to explain to you why you see this, what really is happening, and what to do about it.Narcissism is a learned set of survival skills that becomes one’s entire personality and their way of interacting with their world. Let me explain what I mean. This covert narcissist in your life has put you into an environment where you, over time, begin living from your own survival skills. The trauma responses we have been talking about in this series. I will say again - these are normal and healthy responses to an abusive environment.One large problem is that they look an awful lot like the survival skills that narcissists live by. They are just glimpses of it, not your entire being, but these glimpses can leave many victims confused and worried.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

I heard the phrase walking on eggshells, and I thought, “I’m sure glad that I’m not living that way.” This applied to other people. People who were not at liberty to say what they wanted to say. They had to guard their words. I’m so glad I don’t live like that. This was clearly people who were in manipulative and controlling relationships. I felt bad for them. They should probably get out. I wonder if I should help them. I’m glad I don’t deal with that. I mean I can say anything I want. I have that freedom. I just know that I probably shouldn’t. It certainly isn’t worth the price.  So long as I am just careful about what I say and how, it goes okay. I mean most of the time. Well, at least some of the time. It’s okay though. I know how to handle that. I just make sure that I don’t say anything more about it because the reaction will be strong. But that’s okay. No big deal. At least I’m not walking on eggshells. I’m not afraid of him. He would never hit me or cause too big of a scene, at least not publicly. Maybe a small scene, or even a medium one. But I’m not afraid of him. Well, my stomach does do flip flops.  I really need to work on my stress management and my anxiety level. I’ve been that way for a long time. This is something I have to work on in me. But at least I’m not afraid of him, well, maybe emotionally I am. I mean, I can’t really let my guard down around him. But at least I’m not walking on eggshells. What actually is this walking on eggshells? Maybe I need to learn more.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Have you ever found yourself to be extremely defensive, feeling the need to protect yourself before anyone even attacks? How about having the burning need to be perfect so nothing ever goes wrong?When you are living in an abusive situation, physically, mentally, emotionally, psychologically, you develop survival tactics. As a human being, you are wired to protect yourself. This is normal!The tactical responses we have come from the drive to take the situation at hand and find ways to make it work. It is driven by the intense desire to fix this! You won’t give up on the relationship for whatever reason and are determined to survive this. You might even feel like you are then making it work. I am fixing this! But it isn’t sustainable!!Defensiveness and trying to be perfect create so many problems in our life and can haunt us as we try to move into future relationships. They work against healthy relationships and can leave you trapped in a cycle of abusive ones. Make a plan for stopping these trauma responses and regaining control of your life again!   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism

Have you ever made a bucket list? Things you want to do in this world. You should! Why not? What would be on your bucket list? Not only are they fun, these adventures, big or small, give us so many opportunities to learn in life. A year and a half ago, I jumped out of an airplane. I never dreamed I would actually do this. My boys really wanted to, and they wanted me to join them. You want me to do what? Hey, this could be fun, this could be exciting, this could be terrifying. With excitement and fear, I agreed. Free falling from an airplane for 60 seconds, dropping 8500 feet and reaching 120 miles per hour is the most intense and utterly terrifying thing I have ever done. But it was amazing!! I learned a lot about myself and about life that day.    I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism Two weeks ago, I started another item on my bucket list - backpacking the Appalachian Trail. Even just the first section hike tied so closely to my life with a covert narcissist. The correlations and analogies are quite eye-opening. When I learn life lessons from time spent in nature, these lessons stick with me for years. I am eager to see where this bucket list, hiking the Appalachian Trail, leads me. As I go through this short story, see if you can see the correlations to life with a covert narcissist.

Has your partner ever accused you of pulling away from the relationship? Of shutting down? Of being emotionally unavailable? Maybe you even feel that you are. Then you wonder if this is all your fault for not being engaged with them anymore. This is another example of reactive abuse or trauma response.My husband accused me of pulling away emotionally. I wanted to scream, Of course I’m pulling away! Even a child knows to pull away when they have been hurt over and over again. I was accused of not being emotionally available to him anymore. Of course I’m not!I had peeled open my heart and laid it at his feet repeatedly. And he had stomped all over it again and again. You want me to continue making myself available for that??? You can’t be serious? Do you really not understand this? Can you really not see why I pull away?After all the attempts I made at explaining this to him, I could not believe that he could stand there and tell me that I should be more emotionally available to him! You have got to be kidding me!Shutting down is a normal and common trauma response to an abusive environment. Don’t judge your responses. They are completely justified and understandable. Identify where they came from. An abusive environment. They are survival skills. But you don’t need these survival skills in a safe environment. As you learn more about them, you will begin the process of letting them go.   I am Renee Swanson, and I help people recover from covert narcissistic abuse. Are you tired of feeling isolated and alone?  Are you searching for people who get it?  Are you confused, reactive and unsure what to do?  Are you running in circles in your mind? Are you worried for your kids and the effect this is having on them?  Do you want to know how not to raise another narcissist in this world? I can help you! I offer both group and individual coaching, which you can find at www.covertnarcissism.com   Renee Swanson, Certified Coach and Advocate for Victims of Covert Narcissistic Abuse http://www.covertnarcissism.com https://www.tiktok.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.youtube.com/@cngreneeswanson https://www.facebook.com/renee.covertnarcissism